Tween Magazine
Summer Travel Tips by B.J. Hevvon
by ‘this guy’
Summer is a great time of year for many reasons. By far the best part of summer is taking a trip. It doesn't really matter where you go; what matters is that you go... Done correctly summer travel can be one of the greatest experiences in life; however, done incorrectly summer travel can be a waking nightmare. And so, we at Tween Magazine have once again asked our roving correspondent B.J. Hevvon for tips that will make any trips you happen to be taking this summer as enjoyable as possible.
1. They say even the longest journey starts with a single step, but before taking that first step you've got to pack your bags... For that very reason we'll begin with packing tips.
Start off by getting the biggest bag you can find. Put everything you could possibly need in that one huge bag: don't worry about it being too heavy because as a tweenage girl you won't have any trouble finding a guy who wants to show you how strong he is by carrying your bag for you. The guy who carries your bag will almost certainly want something in return: at the very least you should thank him by giving him a kiss and your number...
Regardless of where you're going, make sure to take at least two bathing suits: after all you never know when or where the opportunity to wear one will present itself. Bikinis are your best choice since they are small: they won't take up a lot of space in your bag. Not to mention that wearing them you look hot, and the tiny amount of material they contain is a big help with sun-tanning.
Make sure to pack a couple different types of shoes. Dressy shoes (a high heel is a must) for dancing and time spent in fancy places and/or clubs; sandals for any time you might be at a beach or pool; and a pair of good all-weather shoes - these could be sneakers or boots - they should be comfortable, but they must be cute as well.
Don't bother packing socks unless you are going to a place in (either) the Arctic or Antarctic. Since there's no need for socks at home, there's no need for socks away. Besides, they just take up valuable space in your bag.
Shorts and skirts are much better then long pants because they are smaller. Besides, you'll be likely to overheat if you are wearing long pants while on vacation in the summer. Not to mention long pants keep your legs from getting a good suntan.
Be sure to pack plenty of cigarettes, since your brand may not be available where you are going. When figuring out how many cigarettes to take with you, multiply the number of cigarettes you smoke per day by the number of days you will be away from home, then double that number. It may seem like a lot, but most people smoke more while they're on vacation, and you might get stuck someplace.
Be sure to pack all of your beauty products. Not only will you want to look good for the cute guys you will likely meet, you also may not be able to find the brands you prefer where you are going. This is also a good way to save money, since beauty products frequently cost a lot more in travel destinations.
2. What to wear for your trip. While you are physically in transit it is important that you are comfortable. Since travel in the summer can get hot it's best to wear as little as possible: shorts and a tank-top are good, but a mini-skirt and a tube-top are better. Don't bother with socks or underwear: they'll just make you feel warmer. Sandals or open shoes are a good choice of footwear, so long as they have a heel that's at least two-inches: you never know who might see you while you're traveling! "What if it is raining?" If it is raining while you are in transit you might want to wear some sort of clear plastic raincoat that still shows off what's underneath, although they might look even better if your clothes get wet.
3. "What if I meet a guy?" What if you meet a guy? NO, the odds are you will meet at least one guy during your trip. Be sure to spend as much time with him (or better yet them) as possible. If he's a local you are doubly lucky: he will know and be able to show you all sorts of places tourists don't know about. Go anywhere and everywhere he offers to take you: you never know what sort of hidden surprises await you.
"And if he wants to have sex with me?" By all means do it! I make a point to sleep with at least one guy in every new place I travel to, for the simple reason that guys from different places use different techniques. From all my years of traveling I can guarantee you one thing: the more exotic the place, the more you will learn and the more fun you will have.
"In exotic places there are exotic diseases: should I use condoms?" It is true that exotic diseases are found in exotic places. But you're on vacation and unlikely to get sick regardless of what you do. And if you think condoms are going to keep you safe, remember that condoms are permitted by law (here in our First World Country) to have a leakage rate of 0.11% and a tear rate of 0.08%. Many exotic vacation spots are in Third World Countries which have even higher permitted leakage and tear rates; so you might as well not waste your money. These condoms will not prevent 100% of pregnancies and diseases anyway, and you're sure to have lots more fun without them.
"And his friends..." You are on vacation: the more the merrier. More guys equals more fun...
4. Local food. One of the best parts of traveling is getting to sample the local cuisine. Unless you have food allergies, make sure to sample as many of the local delicacies as possible. Don't worry about getting food poisoning; a big glass of the local hard liquor will fix you right up…besides, if you do end up vomiting you'll lose some weight.
5. Don't forget: you are on vacation, so be sure to sample as much of the local wine, beer, liquor as you can get away with. The best cure for a vacation hang-over is more alcohol. Don't let your parents stand in your way!
6. Make sure to get a good suntan. Your friends may not believe you when you say you went to such-and-such exotic place, if you don't have a suitably dark suntan to prove it. The more sun you can get the better, just be sure not to forget to put on tanning-oil everyday...
7. If you are going to a place with beautiful natural scenery, be sure to spend plenty of time in nature. Do things as many things outside as possible: eat; take a nap in the sun; go skinny-dipping in a waterfall, stream, lake, or ocean... Be creative and remember there's nothing you can do indoors that can't be done outdoors... especially all those boys!
