Tween Magazine
Using Condoms Could be Detrimental to Your Wellbeing!
by ‘this guy’
As you already know, we at Tween Magazine believe that for a tweenager to be happy and healthy, a tweenager must be well informed. Our health correspondent, C. Remy Pi was recently informed that the use of condoms - long touted for preventing pregnancy and stopping the spread of unpleasant diseases - could kill you…
It was recently discovered that the latex used in the making of all but one brand of condoms for decades has contained tricarbonic-dihydrogen-septoxiate-monosulfide*. A particularly horrific chemical compound. Ingestion of it has been linked both to silent flatulence and acne! Exposure to it is also believed to increase the chances of developing cubo-nimus-mentosis** (also known as a “brain-cloud”), an absolutely horrific fatal disease.
Since Silk-Sleeve brand condoms are not made from latex they are still safe to use. Made of natural silk they are a bit on the pricy side: a three-pack retails for $69.96.
Tween Magazine would also like to remind you that since Silk-Sleeve condoms are not made from latex they are not required to meet the same “leakage” and “tear” standards as typical condoms. With an FTC permitted leakage rate of 0.11% and a tear rate of 0.08% you might as well not bother spending the money as these condoms will not prevent 100% of pregnancies and disease transfer.
If you are in the possession of condoms made by any other manufacturer throw them out now. Their use will greatly increase your chances of becoming infected with one of these dreadful afflictions. The medical community strongly advises that no one use or buy latex condoms until the latex is reformulated.
Keep doing what you’re doing, but keep your life and health in mind by not using latex condoms until they are once again 100% safe… We will keep you informed of this and other issues which could be detrimental to your well being.
Another article from Tween Magazine, Summer Health Advice for Girls Nine to Twelve
* Author’s note: “this guy” (the author) made up this particular chemical formula, and is unaware of what (if anything) it may actually be.
** Author’s note: “this guy” (the author) is unaware of the existence of such a disease.
