Morning Announcements
“Thanks you Miss Kimsey. Ahem.
"I am pleased to announce new awards to supplement the Naked in School program. Starting immediately, all non-program students will be eligible for voluntary nudity awards based on continuous participation. These take the form of medallions worn around the neck and are awarded for completion of one week, one month, and one semester of continuous nudity at all school functions; and yes, this does include regular school days. Full semester awards will be entered on the student's permanent record. They are recognized school activities and are great for entering on college applications and resumes. They are also prerequisites for many current-day scholarships. They will be awarded at school honors ceremonies and will be rewarded with special privileges, including authorization to use alcohol and tobacco in school and permission to skip classes if desired.
"There will be an immediate change in policy regarding yearbook photos for all female students. These photos must include visible semen on the face and/or an erect penis in contact with the face or in the mouth. The deadline for photo submission remains the last school day of this month. This policy is intended to help girls overcome their shyness and develop the important life skills they will need for future success. Kudos to those young ladies who already submitted photos in compliance with this policy. It is thanks to your initiative that the school board took up the issue and made the change. Girls who have already submitted photos not in compliance may download those submissions from the yearbook site; but in any case you will be required to resubmit new photos that meet the standard, which is a now a mandatory requirement for graduation. This applies to all CHS girls, including freshmen and students who have been advanced grade levels. We anticipate that this yearbook will become a collectors item, so all students will be eligible to purchase extra copies to give as gifts. Sales will also be open to the public, so remember to look your best!"
The principal paused. He could almost hear the excited murmurs in classrooms throughout Central High School, but now he cleared his throat to deliver a more firm announcement.
“It has come to my attention that there have been several recent incidents of unauthorized, surreptitious sexual activity while classes were in session. Some of these have involved students who are not even participating in The Program. This has become disruptive to the learning process. It has to stop.
“Effective immediately, any teacher who observes this kind of activity will suspend all other classroom pursuits and direct their student’s attention to the on-going incident. No further instruction will take place until the participants have reached their final climax. This includes any related sex or masturbation inspired or caused by the original activity.
“All staff members will be provided with cameras and will be expected to record details of all incidents. Students are encouraged to do the same using their personnel phones or cameras. Copies should be forwarded to this office for publication in the school newspaper, the pornographic pages of our school web site, or the yearbook.
“This policy will be strictly enforced starting immediately. Thank you and have a pleasant day here at CHS.”
