HaileyXO

Saturday December 9

Morning wood is so weird. It's like every day, every able-bodied penis wakes up early to do calisthenics, in case today it's called upon to breech some girl's vagina and knock her up. Guys' bodies literally change shape when they think about sex. Think about that!

"Lexi, you're such a perv! Quit staring!" Juliet, my roommate, just said to me.

"You'd be staring too if he weren't your brother," I responded.

The penis in question belongs to Juliet's younger brother Ash, who is asleep on our couch in his underwear. He's staying with us until school starts again in January. Ash and I have been flirting off and on by text for about a year. Now, he doesn't have a girlfriend and I don't have a boyfriend.... Officially he's here visiting his sister, but yeah, he and I are totally going to hook up sooner or later.

Okay, I've finished half of my coffee, and I've marveled at Ash's body long enough. I guess I'll make us all some breakfast so we can talk about what we want to do today.

Sunday December 10

Hmph. Well that's not how I wanted yesterday to go. It started off pretty cool: we stopped by Juliet's work and watched all the eager little reporters buzzing around looking for their first big scoop. Then on a whim we bought some cheap kites and flew them around on the university grounds. Then we hung around at Juliet's favorite English pub. All good.

But then when we got home and opened the mail, my concealed handgun permit had arrived. Juliet opened it and held it in front of her as if reading: "Lexi Green, authorized fascist".

So we had that fight again. I told her I'm not trying to be Jason Bourne! I'm a target shooter - it's how I deal with stress! I just want to own a gun so I don't have to keep paying rental fees. She came back with the usual statistics about guns being used against their owners. I told her I would keep it in a locked case and only unlock it at the shooting range. She replied with all that "culture of violence" stuff, basically telling me that I'm what's wrong with America. Ultimately she threatened to kick me out of the apartment. My name is on the lease, same as hers.

Ash wisely stayed out of it.

I guess Juliet is still my best friend, but lately it seems we've been drifting more toward the just-roommates end of the spectrum. Part of it is that she has no respect for my friends.

Speaking of which, around midnight, Martin called asking if he could crash here. He was supposed to sleep at his girlfriend Mandy's place but now they're fighting, and since he's been drinking he can't do a two hour drive home. I told him sure, as long as he's cool with the floor.

I try not to put labels on people, but when Martin and Ash met, there could never have been a more perfect illustration of the whole alpha-beta-male thing. They were both totally friendly, with no hostility or hidden agendas like girls would have had, but when they shook hands, everyone knew that Ash was the top guy in the room - clear as a bell.

"I figure he'll just crash on the floor in my room," I said, trying to give Juliet as little cause to attack him as possible.

"Looks like you dropped the ball, bro," Juliet said to Ash with mock sympathy. "Now some other guy is going to pick it up and score."

"I have a girlfriend," Martin volunteered, as if Juliet's suggestion had been a mere misunderstanding.

"And yet you're here now," Juliet said leadingly.

"We had a fight. It's not a big deal," Martin defended himself.

"What about?" Juliet asked innocently.

"She found out that Lexi and I kind of have history. She got kind of jealous," Martin explained.

Ash looked surprised. "You got in a fight with your girlfriend over an ex and when she kicked you out you came to your ex's place to spend the night? You are a brave man," he opined.

"We're not really exes," I clarified.

Juliet was quick continue from there: "Martin is the guy who took those naked pictures of Lexi."

"Dude! You are an awesome fucking photographer!" Ash said and held his fist out. Martin reluctantly bumped it.

"That's probably why she slept with him," Juliet snarked.

So yeah - maximum possible awkwardness. Martin and I ducked out for breakfast this morning before Juliet and Ash were awake. I knew I'd never get a chance to cheer him up with her around. I dropped him off at Mandy's place, but I don't know whether he got in his car and drove home, or went up to her apartment to try to work it out with her.

Tuesday December 12

"Story time!" I told Juliet and Ash while she put away the groceries and he made cocktails. "You know how my English professor went to jail when I exposed the Chi Omicrons for trading sex for grades? What you might not know is that he used to write domination porn stories under a pseudonym on the Internet. Well it seems he's still writing, even in prison."

Juliet laughed. "Makes sense - I bet he's learning a lot about sexual domination right now!"

"Well, the 'sneak preview' chapter he just released involve girls," I explained. "A particular girl - one that you know...."

"No way, he didn't!?" Juliet responded.

"Wait, so you dated this guy?" Ash asked.

"Hell no. Purely fiction," I declared. "But he's clearly trying to tell some fantasy version of my take-down of the Chi Omicrons. Allow me to read to you from 'The Chronicle of Alexa White'. Only one chapter is published so far - I gather it's not meant to be the first."

I began reading aloud:

Understand that Alexa wasn't always the cynical self-loathing force of nature that, by this point in the story you've come to know. Such personalities are forged, not born. Let us go back, then, to the pivotal moment in the young woman's life when her psyche was plucked from the furnace and laid upon the anvil: the loss of her virginity.

"Pretentious much?" Juliet commented with a snort.

The nuns of Saint Francis Preparatory School had done a fine job of shaping young Alexa into a modest, God-fearing woman, but the battlegrounds of adolescence are bloody and unforgiving. Despite the good works of her parents, the church, and the school, Alexa found, later than most of her peers, that she couldn't fight the urge - nay, the obsession - to taste of the carnal fruit."

"'Nay'? Seriously? 'Nay'?" Ash criticized. By this point we were all sitting in the living room with drinks in our hands.

Alexa White might have been beautiful. A dispassionate observer might have found the Golden Ratio encoded in her face, and the delicate colors of autumn in the cascades of her hair. Alas any physical beauty she had could only be found in the shadow of her psychological deficiencies: her insecurity, her envy, her desperation. Only a specific sort of man would find those qualities, too, to be attractive. Such a man was Sebastian Broderick.

Sebastian wooed Alexa. He made her feel like the fairy tales of teen romance movies were coming true for her. That he did so in private, and only fleetingly, was a detail lost to Alexa. Sebastian wore a different face with Alexa than he did around his friends and family - one that he had crafted carefully, just for her. And so it was that Sebastian gave in, finally, to Alexa's pleas to take her to bed and make her a woman.

She was in his bedroom; he was taking off her clothes. She stood on her toes and leaned in to him to kiss him, to show him how much this all meant to her, but he stopped her: he put a gentle finger in front of her lips, shook his head, and whispered, "Not until the time is right."

No matter. He guided her to the bed and laid her on her back. Her body exploded into shivers when he placed his hands on her knees and opened her legs. Her crotch was overflowing with anticipation, dripping lubricant and radiating heat like a campfire in a cold rain.

Sebastian crawled to his place and knelt before her nether gateway. His glorious member touched her clitoris and then slid down, peeking, just barely outside of its destination.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," Sebastian said out of nowhere.

Alexa was stunned, at first, but then responded with the unfiltered feelings suddenly stirring in her. "No! Please! I need it! I need you to fuck me, please!"

"Well, okay," Sebastian said. "But then I'm going to need you to do something." After digging in a bedside drawer, he produced a brown paper bag. "I'm going to need you to wear this over your head."

Alexa lay speechless and confused, her mouth as much agape as her thighs. Hurt, trust, and desire wrestled in her head for control. "Why?" She finally managed to ask.

"Well, I'm not sure I can keep it up if I have to look at your face," Sebastian explained. The tone of his voice belied the cruelty of his words. Honeyed compassion clashed with reason while Alexa stammered.

"You want me to last long enough for you to enjoy it, right?" Sebastian continued hypnotically. While he waited for Alexa's answer, his cock-head expertly teased the creases of her sex.

"Okay," Alexa said. Sebastian leaned over her and brought the bag and darkness down over her head.

"That's a good girl," he told her, putting her mind at ease.

Slowly, Sebastian impaled the virgin girl. Her hymen rent and she gasped at the pain. While the one shock lingered, a new one began as the man's hungry flesh forced its way inside her - the ache of her feminine cavity adapting to its new duty. Alexa's breath was shallow, her heartbeat quick, but she endured. There was another feeling there too - just below her perception for now, but coming into focus. It was the feeling she had been seeking - dreaming about all these years.

The pain faded as Sebastian's wood thumped inside Alexa's womb. Quickly she discovered the joy of the union. She found herself shifting her body to meet his thrusts, and emitting tiny sounds of glee with each one.

This was it: sex. Not scary or difficult. Just two bodies and two souls working together toward something amazing. She could feel her own heartfelt smile. She imagined that Sebastian was smiling too; he was feeling this - or something very much like it - too.

Sebastian began grunting periodically. Instinct told Alexa it was time to push harder for her relief. She moved her hands toward her bush, intent on supplementing her lover's sublime pounding with the little ritual circles she had practiced so often. Her plans were waylaid, however: Sebastian took her wrists in his hands.

"Touch me there," Alexa whispered needfully.

"No."

"I want to come so bad!" Alexa implored.

"Not until you tell me what you are."

"I don't understand," she whined. She tugged her hands back but failed to escape from Sebastian's grip.

"Tell me what you are," Sebastian told her.

"I'm a girl," Alexa whimpered. Her desperation was growing. Some sense told her that Sebastian wouldn't last much longer. She needed to come. She needed this experience to be complete. Her body had given her a mandate.

"More specific."

"A girl who wants to come."

"And what kind of girl is that?"

"A bad girl?" Solving Sebastian's riddle and freeing her hands was all that mattered to Alexa now. His cock felt so good sliding in and out of her pussy, but there were greater feelings yet to be had, and she needed to win them.

"Worse."

"A slut?"

"Go on."

"A dirty slut! A shameless whore who'll do anything to come! Oh god, please let me come! I need it! I need to come on your cock!"

Sebastian released the anxious girl's hands and they flew to her clitoris. Finally Alexa's goal was in reach. She rubbed furiously, climbing the tower of arousal and reaching its peak. Lightning, fire, and lust flashed: her body thrashed left and right as orgasm burned through her. Then, slowly, eventually, calmness - but still indulging the satisfaction of her lover's fullness inside her and the feeling of his skin on hers.

After barely enough time to consider what had happened, Sebastian shifted forward. Alexa felt his hand press down on her belly and he breathed sharp gasps... and then he was done.

When Alexa removed the bag from her head, her lover was already rushing to get dressed. She leaned forward to catch him, but the feeling of warm fluids on her thighs took her by surprise, and she hesitated. Sebastian left his own bedroom, his own house, without a word.

At school the next day, no fewer than a dozen of her classmates thrust paper bags at her, sneering and laughing.

That was the lesson that would eventually catalyze Alexa into the woman at the center of our story, one year later, in college.

"That explains so much about you, Lexi! I never understood until now!" Juliet joked. I stuck my tongue out at her.

I handed my empty glass to Ash. "Fix me another drink, mister?" I asked him, and I stretched out on the floor provocatively. He checked me out for a couple seconds before grabbing the other glasses and heading to the kitchen. I rather enjoyed watching his ass as he went.

"So what are you going to do about this?" Juliet asked.

"What am I supposed to do? Beg that he take it down? He didn't actually use my name," I explained.

"I don't know, but you've got to do something," Juliet said, lounging upside-down on the couch. "He's in prison, right? The least you could do is cock-tease him a little. Tell him how flattered you are and how you never knew this side of him."

"Hmph," was all I said in response.

When Ash returned with my drink he pulled it away as I reached for it, twice, before letting me take it. "Maybe your professor is right about you," he said mischievously.

I don't know which of us wants it more, but there's definitely something between Ash and me. Neither of us wants to be the first to admit it though: it's an unspoken game. I can wait if he can. He's so pretty, though.

Later in the evening, I did decide to write to the professor. Not like Juliet suggested though.

The car anecdote is a lie: I would never drive so recklessly. Hopefully Juliet will approve of my tease.

I have no idea what sort of response, if any, to expect. He probably hates me, since I'm the one who got him thrown in prison.

I can hear Ash out there in the living room getting ready for bed. I think it's time to grab my vibrator and take care of my needs before I sleep. And if Ash happens to hear me, well, these things happen when you have house guests.

Wednesday December 13

Got a reply:

So naturally I wrote back.

Juliet messaged me at work to meet her and Ash at a comedy club. She scored some free tickets through the magazine at which she works. One of the comedians actually called on Ash. He asked which of us was his sister and which his girlfriend, and then went on making jokes about that.

Thursday December 14

I will never look at laundry the same way again.

Juliet works full time: she graduated a year and a half ago. Ash and I are both college students, and school is out right now. I've got a part time job, but I had today off.

The three of us had breakfast today, but then Juliet left for work and Ash started doing something on his computer. I decided to get some housework done. I put some laundry in the apartment complex's machines and then did some vacuuming.

Once my laundry was dry, I dumped it out on the living room table and started folding it. Ash sat at the table across from me, and he started folding my laundry, too. Except he wasn't folding just any pieces of my laundry: he was doing my underwear. He wasn't being dirty, exactly - just goofy, but in a really understated way. Like, a couple of my panties have little bows on the waistline (don't judge!), so he would tug on the loops like he was making sure the knots were secure. and then smooth them out with his fingers. It was a total tease, but very subtle. Neither of us said a word.

Just as he finished the last pair I stood up in the middle of the room and waited for him.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, unbearably smugly.

"You missed one," I told him. He played at being confused so I looked at my shorts to instruct him.

He played his part. He walked over to me, dropped to his knees, and reverently took off my shorts. Those he quickly folded and set on the couch. And then he took my panties off of me. My legs were shaking at the feel of his hands moving down my thighs, and I could feel my pussy stirring. He took my panties over to the table, sat down, folded them, and put them with the others. My heart was going thump-thump.

And then he started folding one of my T-shirts.

"Dude!" I cried indignantly.

He smiled an "I win" smile as he walked up to me, but I didn't care because then he kissed me while rubbing my naked ass. It felt so good - so free making out with him there. It wasn't lusty or romantic - it was just fun.

I took off his shirt and enjoyed his chest. He felt me up through my tank top. I wasn't wearing a bra since I had planed to just stay at home all day. But his hands on my butt were somehow the most amazing thing.

Ash led me over to the couch. I ended up sitting on the edge and lying back, with him on his knees between my legs. He met my pussy with his mouth in ways that I had never experienced before.

Have you ever had a two-scoop ice cream cone and you're afraid that it will tip over if you lick it, but it's melting so you just sort of suck the delicious soft bits away? That's what Ash was doing to my pussy. I was a lucky ice cream cone.

Another thing about Ash's oral: You know how guys like it when you look them in the eye when giving them blowjobs? I'd never once had a guy do that when he was going down on me. Ash did. I am so in love with his eyes. I came, and he kept going.

As wonderful as Ash's tongue skills were, I wanted more than that: I wanted our bodies to be together. He took the hint when I tugged on his hands, and soon he was on his knees between my legs, sliding his darling penis into me while I relaxed on the couch. His cock thumped up in me very nicely, over and over.

I don't want to make it sound like normally when I have sex there's an agenda or schedule, but that's sort of the only way I can explain how different this time was. We had all day to just go at it - to bone right there - and it was great. He stretched the neck of my tank top down so my breasts popped out and he played with those sometimes. I wasn't so much moaning as giggling.

It seemed like we'd been going at it just like that forever, and believe me, neither of us wanted to stop, when we heard Juliet's keys in the lock. The door swung open before there was any time to think about modesty, so I just waved when she saw us. Ash didn't turn to look and he didn't stop pumping my pussy or kneading my breasts. Juliet turned on a heel and left with a groan.

I pulled Ash up to me, so he was on his feet and sort of on the couch over me and we kissed. His chest was rubbing my nipples and his thrusts were touching me differently. And I got to touch his butt. Then I came, and it was like, oh yeah, I was having so much fun I forgot about those.

Ash didn't want to stay in that position long, so I figured it was my turn: I sat him on the edge of the couch and then I got on my hands and knees. I backed up into him and vigorously worked my pussy on his cock while he relaxed. It was basically doggy-style, but I was providing all the motion, and he was moaning more than I was. I looked back at him - he was completely relaxed, like he was getting a massage. His sly smile did it for me: after coming again like that, Ash told me, "I know this is going to sound weird, but you come sexier than anyone I've ever known."

I laughed. "Even more than your sister?" I asked jokingly.

"Don't even go there," he replied.

I wish that guys didn't have to stop fucking after they come. I wanted him to come in my pussy, and then in my mouth, and then in my hands, and then in my pussy more and more. Oh well - can't fight nature. After an indeterminate amount of backing my ass up into his cock, Ash got up and said, "Okay, final act."

He picked me up off the ground and set me down on the living room table, right on top of all of my laundry. Then he got on top of me and banged out a finish missionary style. I confess I had some doubts about the strength of the table. He was really going for it: I loved his new determined look, and his weight on me, and the tension in his arms. One by one I grabbed my panties and caressed his face with them, cooing irregularly with pleasure. Finally Ash came and I felt his squirts in my pussy. It seemed to take forever before his cock stopped twitching and settled down.

Most of my laundry was still clean afterward. Obviously I gave the table a good cleaning after that.

Maybe tonight I'll invite him into my bed. Or maybe I'll leave him on the couch, but sneak to him late at night and violate him with my mouth.

Friday December 15

This day sucks.

Obviously I had to search the Internet for this "anti-fan club" he mentioned. It wasn't hard: "Lexi Haters' Club". 133 registered members. Wow.

There are forum posts - mostly just trash talking and fantasies about doing horrible things to me. There is a lengthly thread on how Simone saw me with my "sugar daddy" over the summer but there's no evidence to back her claims.

And there are visuals. My naked pictures from Reddit are there, of course, as well as tons of demeaning photoshop-jobs and sketches. They even had the demon-bird-woman picture from back in high school.

And then there are the sex videos. I couldn't care less about two of them: Ethan and me from high school, and Evan and me from two years ago. The one that shook me was the one with Hailey from the Chi Omicron party three years ago.

Hailey was my roommate at the dorm, first semester; in that time we became best friends. She also had a really big crush on me. She was a pledge at Chi Omicron sorority, and I had learned that the full members (not the pledges) were involved in a conspiracy to have sex with teachers in exchanged for inflated grades. I needed proof - if for no other reason than so that I could convince Hailey to leave them - so I seduced her to get the opportunity to plant spyware on the lead girl's computer. I later found out that that was Hailey's first time with a girl - so, the first time that mattered to her.

When I confronted Hailey with my evidence and begged her to walk away from Chi Omicron, I confessed that I had used her. I confessed, too, that I had read her "diary" - emails she sent to her self with her private thoughts. She was devastated and our friendship was destroyed. It's the thing I regret the most in my life. I tried contacting her a couple times over the next semester but she would never respond.

The only copy of the video itself was on a thumb drive that I gave to Hailey the night we hooked up. That was two weeks before our falling-out. I never paid attention to what she did with it.

I know she hates me, I know she never wants to hear from me, but I have to warn her that this video is out there. I tried calling, texting, emailing. No response so far. All of her social media accounts are private, so no help there. Her old email password might work - it's possible I could snoop and find another way to reach her - but I promised myself I would never do that to her again.

Juliet and Ash were in the living room with me when I found the site. We were laughing about it together until I found the Hailey video. Then I had to be alone in my room for a while. After trying to contact Hailey and waiting for a half hour, I decided I had to go to the shooting range. It's almost funny how often the regulars there have seen me cry. I wonder if they've got a nickname for me behind my back?

I still haven't told Juliet and Ash what's bothering me. They're giving me space, for which I'm thankful.

Saturday December 16

I spent a bunch of time on the Lexi Haters' Club last night, trying to find out who was behind it and who had posted what, but I couldn't figure much out. The owner of the site is proxied by the hosting company. The identities of a couple of the members were clear from the things they posted, but not any of the useful ones. The person who posted the Hailey video is called Not2xTapped.

I might be able to ask the hosting company to take the site down, or at least remove some of the content and links, but it'll take a lot of work to figure out how to make those requests. The Hailey video itself isn't hosted at the Lexi Haters' Club anyway: it's on a Swedish server. Even if I could communicate with them and they agreed to take it down, it's porn on the Internet: there are undoubtedly other copies of it elsewhere already.

I emailed Dr. Welsh this morning. I would go and see him in person if I could, but there's a whole big process to authorize visitors for prison inmates.

I tried calling, texting, and emailing Hailey again. No response.

I told Ash and Juliet about what's going on. Juliet watched the video despite me asking her not to. She was unsympathetic. "Fuck her. She chose them over you. She's as much to blame about how things turned out as you."

She doesn't get it.

I'm going to apply for an account on the Haters' Club site. New fake email address, and routing the request through a VPN.

Sunday December 17

I received two emails today.

I guess he figured out who I was. I have no idea how.

Monday December 18

Road trip. I still haven't heard back from Hailey or Dr. Welsh's assistant. It's Christmas vacation, so the odds are good that Hailey is staying with her mom in Las Vegas, so I'm going there. Juliet has to stay home to work, but Ash volunteered to come with me even before he knew our destination. I'm glad.

My boss was a little annoyed that I decided to take time off with no notice, but I don't think he'll hold it against me.

Once we were on the road, Ash wanted to know about Hailey. I told him about her, but nothing I said managed to communicate just how great she is. Hopefully she won't slam the door in my face and he can meet her.

For the next few hours of the drive, Ash was doing blackjack card-counting drills. I told him there's no point: they use too many decks for it to matter. He agreed, but he wants to do it anyway.

Once he was bored with that, Ash got flirty. Eventually, he asked me, "Would it be too distracting if I played with your tits right now?"

"Um, well, to play with both of them you'd have to lean across me, so yeah, that would be dangerous," I reasoned. "But help yourself to Righty as long as you don't get in my way."

I thought he was going to cop a feel over my clothes, but not Ash. He pulled up my shirt, made me lean forward so he could unhook my bra, and then gave me a good raw-flesh grope for several minutes. I didn't mind - I'm a very focused driver. I figured I was good as long as he didn't use his mouth.

After a while he started squirming in his seat: restless erection. "What do you say we find a hotel room?" He asked.

"Dude, it's like 5:00. I'm not giving up that many hours of driving time," I argued.

"Come on - I'm dying here," he said with a roguish smile.

"And whose fault is that?" I teased.

"I don't think you appreciate just how much you turn me on," he countered.

"Well, I'm driving. You'll just have to take care of it yourself," I insisted.

As if to call my bluff, Ash tilted his seat back, pulled down his pants, and whipped his dick out. He moaned loudly as he stroked it slowly, frequently muttering my name. He was obviously trying to turn me on. It worked. It's funny how being felt up didn't break my concentration, but the sound and smell - and sight in the corner of my eye - of him jacking off did.

"Fine," I said with an eye-roll that he couldn't see. The stretch of highway we were on was all desert with no people or buildings. I found a place to pull off by some trees that would offer a little cover.

My plan was to give him a quick BJ, and I think he knew it, but instead once we were hidden behind the car, he spun me around, pulled down my pants, and rubbed my cunt. That was all I needed. He did me from behind while I leaned against the car. For about fifteen seconds I was hoping he would hurry up, but then his magical cock cast a spell on me and I belonged to it. Absolute fucking bliss.

Still, a tiny portion of my mind remained rational. "Don't come like this, okay?" I breathed, feeling like I was barely in control. "I don't want to make a mess. I'll finish you with my mouth."

"You've got it, sexy," Ash replied.

I spaced out, just loving the feeling of his thrusting and grinding, until all of the sudden Ash pulled out and zipped up. "Cops," he told me urgently. I quickly got all of my clothes in order.

The highway patrol car approached us, and the officer spoke into his body mic while he got out of the car and surveyed the situation. He was only a couple years older than us.

"Is everything all right here?" He asked us suspiciously.

"Everything's fine, officer," I said. I'm sure he saw my embarrassment, so I decided to use it. "I had to pee. I couldn't wait for the next gas station. I'm sorry!"

"Mmm," he said noncommittally. He was quiet while he continued to size us up.

Fortunately, I had something to break the silence. "Hey, is that a M1911?" I asked, looking at the gun on his belt.

His stern expression softened, just a little bit. "My grandfather brought it back from Vietnam," he told me.

"Cooool," I said like the fangirl that I guess I am. "A friend at the shooting range let me try his once. I really liked it, but the grip angle messed me up. I've mostly only ever fired Glocks."

He took a minute to size me up again before he spoke. "So I trust you'll be able to make it to your destination now without any more stops?" He asked. He totally knew what we'd been up to.

"Absolutely, officer," Ash volunteered.

"All right, then," he said. He waited in his car until we were back on the highway.

I was so fucking horny for the next few hours! The little taste I'd had had been so good, but it had left me so unsatisfied. I just couldn't ignore my hunger for Ash's body. Or, I guess, that's not right: for our bodies together. We are definitely more than the sum of our parts. Ash was seriously blue-balled too. And of course, we both made it worse, teasing each other with the raunchiest dirty talk.

We got dinner at a drive-through and ate on the road. Finally we stopped at a motel in some tiny roadside town around 10:00.

I had been a little nervous, checking in, at the thought of waking up the other guests with our inevitable sex noises. As it turned out, I needn't have worried: someone had beaten us to it. The sound of a guy moaning could very clearly be heard from the room next to ours.

"I don't hear a girl. Do you think it's two guys in there?" Ash asked while we both started undressing.

"I don't hear a second guy," I responded. "A guy wouldn't be that loud alone would he?"

"So it's either two guys, or an unusually loud guy with an unusually quiet girl, I guess," Ash concluded.

"Or maybe she's just pegging him," I said, stepping out of my panties.

"What's pegging?" Ash asked.

"My dear sweet Ash," I said, dropping to my knees and giving him my best vixen smile, "in time, you'll learn."

His dick was still slippery and tasted like pussy. I was a little disappointed once I had sucked all the flavor off of it. It was just as well though: I was feeling way too selfish to end this day with a BJ. Ash didn't object when I pushed him onto the bed and climbed on top of him. Good old cowgirl. It didn't take long before his dick was in me, and I was grinding hard and moaning harder. And then I came.

Our neighbor to the West hadn't stopped his deep steady moans. Strangely enough, someone started doing it in the room to the East, too. There was definitely a girl in there, and she wasn't so much moaning as chirping, "Eee-eee-eee," while her bed bumped into the wall. If the room to the West was the bass track, then the one to the East was a tambourine. So what did that make me? Lead guitar? My howls were certainly less regular - especially when Ash fingered my nipples and made me come again.

It felt to me there was a weird sense of community as the six of us - or however many - screwed together. I'd certainly like to think that they all felt it too. Ash had a slightly strained look of concentration on his face.

"Is it hard not to come?" I asked him.

"Yeah - but totally worth it," he said.

Then Ash joined in sound fun with some exaggerated dirty talk. "C'mon girl, fuck me to death! Work those hips! I want to see you panting the next time you come!" Stuff like that.

The wall-banging chirping girl stopped for a few minutes, but then came back. The bed-thumping continued but the noises she made were slightly different. I wonder if they changed position or something.

Ash started looking strained again. "Seriously, dude, you can come any time. You've done your duty and then some!" I told him.

"Let's take a break," he said. We kind of wrestled around and he pulled out, and his dick rubbed slimy sex fluids on my hip. I wanted to suck his dick clean, but he wouldn't let me.

At first we kissed, and then he tickled me, and then I sort of dared him to spank me.

The East room stopped and started again. The guy to the West was still going strong. Ash fingered my clit like a girl.

Ash was clearly ready to resume. "What's your absolute favorite position?" He asked while rubbing my butt.

"Honestly?" I replied, "I think maybe prone-bone."

With that, Ash pushed me face down on the bed, climbed on top of me, and fucked me more. He wasn't totally flat on top of me: one arm was supporting him to my side while the other forearm was pressing down on my shoulder and grabbing my hair. It was funny - I loved it. Every thrust seemed to be pumping a feeling like coked-out puppy-love through my whole body. I couldn't moan as loudly because of the weight on my chest, but I was feeling it.

The West guy finally stopped. Ash was groaning pretty hard, but I don't know if the others rooms could hear it. I like to think that they could: maybe the West guy knew Ash was about ready to come and was waiting to hear it before going to bed. Maybe the East girl wanted to synchronize her climax with his. Either way, I could feel his orgasm coming a mile away, and I definitely felt it when it hit. It was like a tsunami in my vagina. Good god, he earned it.

Ash is in the shower while I write this. When he gets out we'll sleep in the same bed for the first time.

Would it be weird to slip thank you notes under the doors of my other quasi-lovers?

I'm really looking forward to seeing Hailey again. I know it's just a fantasy, but I have this picture in my head of us talking everything out and then going back to being great friends again.

Tuesday December 19

Hailey is dead. Suicide. I don't understand.

...

I guess I need to get this down before my brain melts.

Ash and I arrived in Las Vegas around noon. We stopped by Hailey's parents' house first thing, but nobody was home. We decided to kill time with lunch and then blackjack on Fremont Street. I felt under-dressed.

I left Ash there and went back to Hailey's house in the early evening. After I rang the bell, a tall middle aged guy with a weathered face stepped out and just sort of stared at me with a scowl on his face. His hair was buzz-cut short enough that I couldn't really tell what color it was. I didn't know what to make of his attitude.

"Hi. Is Hailey home? She's not returning my calls but it's really important that I talk to her," I told him.

That, for reasons I didn't understand yet, set him off. His chest heaved and his nostrils flared. His eyes got psycho. He took a half-step forward into my personal space, forcing me back. Then his body moved violently: he punched the column next to us. It scared the fuck out of me: for a split second I thought he was hitting me. I flinched and stumbled back, falling down the three steps leading up to the doorway. I landed hard on my ass and hit my head on the cement.

"I have never wanted to hit a woman in my life, until now," he told me, and I believed him. He clearly knew who I was.

My voice was quivering as I responded. "I know Hailey hates me, and she's got good reason, but please, I need to talk to her. I need to warn her."

"Hailey's dead, you exploitative piece of shit!" Hailey's step-dad shouted at me.

I couldn't comprehend what he had said. I sat there on my ass bleeding from my head, mute.

"She's dead because you had to have a sex tape proving that you went through an 'experimental' phase in college, before you marry into some country club family and spend the rest of your days dropping off the judge's kids at lacrosse practice in a minivan!"

He turned his gaze across the street. "What are you looking at?" He yelled, presumably at some neighbor.

A woman came out of the house. After a glance at me she approached her husband and touched him soothingly. "Let me take it from here, okay? Why don't you go over to JJ's and have a beer," she said.

Hailey's step-father grumbled and wandered back inside. Her mother knelt by me and asked if I was okay. She looked at my head and then she took me inside. She gave me an ice pack and a glass of water. After wiping away the blood she told me that I wouldn't need stitches.

"Dead?" I finally managed to say.

"Yes," Hailey's mom explained. "She did it out in the desert. She attached a hose from the car's exhaust to the cabin. That was just over a week ago. She didn't leave a note."

"That can't be right," I stupidly argued. "She was always fun-loving. So upbeat."

"Hailey was very good at putting on a happy face. She hid her pain. She never wanted to be a bother," Hailey's mother said. Her voice cracked as she said it.

I nodded, piecing that explanation together with the Hailey I knew.

I sat there in silence for a while, just trying to process it. Hailey's mom was patient at first. Finally she said, "I'm sorry, I can't let you stay. I've got people coming over. It's...." She sighed. "Will you be okay to drive?"

I said yes and left. I probably shouldn't have driven: I think I have a concussion.

Ash had texted me the name of the hotel he got for us - a fancy place on the Strip. I cried the whole drive there, but managed to keep it together, barely, for the walk through the lobby. Then I spent ten minutes sobbing into Ash's chest, and after that I curled up into a ball in bed. I yelled at him when he touched my head, trying to comfort me. I apologized. There's no way he could have predicted that that would upset me - I certainly didn't. It's 10:30 PM now. Ash thinks it would be a good idea to get out of the room for a little while so we're heading to the hotel's cafe for dinner.

Ash is out gambling, with my blessing. I tried going to sleep, but my mind is too restless. As something to do, I wrote back to Dr. Welsh.

Wednesday December 20

I had gone back to bed by the time Ash got in last night. I tried my best not to wake all the way up when he got in: I knew that I'd never get back to sleep if I did. He spent a suspicious amount of time in the bathroom, so I guessed he was jerking off. He probably assumed - correctly - that I wasn't going to be in the mood for a while. When he was done I saw him slip a pair of my panties back into the dresser, so I took that as confirmation. It was kinda sweet. Funny how the same action can come across as creepy or endearing depending on who does it.

I need to understand how this happened to Hailey. I also need to figure out how the video got out. Despite my earlier vow, I started reading Hailey's email diary.

Hailey had been initiated into the Chi Omicron sorority at the end of fall semester, freshman year. The newspaper article exposing the truth behind the "faculty brunches" came out over winter break. By the start of spring semester, the sorority had been suspended and the police investigation had begun.

It had meant so much to her to be a part of the sorority - to have the comfort of what she described as a "pre-built network of friends" - but by spring that was all gone. The sisters never met in groups, and most of them avoided her completely because of her association with me. She moved to a new dorm to get away from me, so she didn't know anyone there, either. Spring semester, Hailey was completely alone. She failed one of her classes and did poorly in the others.

That summer she met Sam - as in Samantha - in summer school. Their romance was a slow boil if ever there was one. Hailey wrote just about every day for two months analyzing every little thing Sam said, looking for a hint of romantic intention. It should have been obvious, but thanks to me, she was unsure of herself.

Hailey wrote about how their first kiss came about:

Sam had been hinting all through class that she had some sort of surprise planned, but I had to wait until we got to her house to find out what it was. In her bedroom, she made me close my eyes. When she said, "Ta da!" I opened them and she was holding two of those Japanese body pillows - the kind that are as tall as a person and have full-length pictures of sexy anime characters on them.

"Well, what's it going to be? Asami or Korra?" She asked. Obviously I chose Korra, but once she handed me the pillow I didn't know what to do.

"Go on - give that girl a good ride," she said.

"You're hilarious," I said and I rolled my eyes. I acted like it was all a joke, but my heart was beating extra hard in my chest.

"Come on," Sam encouraged me, "look at her face. You know she wants you." I still didn't do anything at first, but then she did something with her eyebrows like she was giving me a command. So I put the Korra pillow on the ground, knelt over it, and pretended I was humping it to humor her.

"No, wait," Sam said. She knelt next to me and pulled on my skirt until it wasn't under me and there was nothing between the pillow and my panties.

I made a show of humping the pillow and saying, "Oh, Korra!" Still thinking it was just a game. Then a weird thing happened: Sam took off her jeans and got on her pillow too. The way she started moving, she wasn't joking around. She was grinding against the pillow like she really enjoyed it.

I didn't know what to make of it. Was she punking me? Trying to set me up for some cruel joke? She must have known that I liked her. But her face was just so innocent. And so beautiful. I couldn't help but stare, too, at where her crotch met the pillow, the two rubbing each other.

"Like this," she said and she smiled at me. Oh that smile! This was real! "Tilt forward a little. Okay, now forward and back, not up and down. Just roll your hips."

I did like she told me. It started as a tingling in my labia, but soon my whole body felt - I don't know - alive. We just kept doing that and sometimes looking at each other, but her eyes were blinding. She had so much power over me, she could have killed me with a harsh word.

Sam started breathing heavily. Her breaths turned into sighs, and then soft moans. I was so turned on I was worried that I would ruin my pillow with, you know, secretions. Between her sex noises and my own pillow grinding I was staring to feel really wound-up - you know, sexually. The realization hit me out of the blue that Sam and I were going to come in front of each other.

I got self conscious; I couldn't look at her. But then she took my hand. "Hey," was all she said. But again, that smile and those eyes - they tore right through me. But in a good way.

I couldn't keep my eyes off her after that. Her eyes closed and she ground her clit into the pillow harder and then she gasped. She let go of my hand and rose upright on her knees. Her thighs slammed shut on pillow and she pushed it against her with her hands. It was like she was trying to stuff the whole big thing into her cooch. Her body trembled and a couple sounds got caught in her throat.

Then she settled back onto her pillow like normal, giving it a slow back and forth, and she took my hand and put her full attention on me.

I could never, NEVER do this for anyone else! But I desperately wanted to come for Sam. I rubbed myself against the pillow. I closed my eyes and thought about Sam's lips. The tingle I had been nurturing between my legs had grown into something much bigger and now it was exploding into climax.

I

came

so

hard!

!

!

Once I was finished, Sam joined me on top of the Korra pillow, and she kissed me. It was perfect.

At breakfast I asked Ash if he had watched the video of Hailey and me. He said he did. Not right away, but after he saw how it was affecting me, he thought he should watch it to try to understand. I asked him what he thought. At first he was evasive.

"Lexi, I thought I had to. I thought that it would help me help you through all this," he explained.

"Yeah, fine," I said impatiently. "But what did you think?"

"I don't know what you're asking," he replied.

I sighed. He was being obtuse. "Did you get off on it?" I asked, loud enough to get looks from nearby tables. "Did you bookmark it? Send the URL to all your friends? Create a login for the site so you could comment on it?"

"I don't send porn to my friends," he told me.

"Jesus, Ash...," I said. I took a deep breath. "Okay, hypothetically, if you didn't know any of the circumstances or any of the people, and you thought it was just amateur porn, what would you remember about it?"

"Well, I mean, the video quality sucks," he said, finally being useful. He was right - the recording had a number of corrupt segments full of glitching audio and vomit-mosaic video frames. I don't know why that would be - the other video I got from that computer was crystal clear.

"Other than that, yeah, it was good porn," he went on. "I mean you're both really hot. I loved the way you kept your glasses on while going down on her. But I guess, more important than all that, it seemed authentic. It was obviously a real intimate moment between you two, and that's sexy as hell. In most girl-on-girl porn, it's obvious that they're two straight girls who just met and are only doing what the director tells them to do."

"I guess... yeah, I would have bookmarked that," he said. I nodded.

"Can I ask you something?" Ash said. "I'm not trying to delegitimize what you had, but how is it that she became this important to you so fast? You said you only really started hanging out after midterms, right?"

"About then, yeah," I said. "I don't know. Maybe it's just how Hailey is. Was." I sighed. "I don't know. Is there such a thing as platonic soulmates?"

"I don't know," Ash replied. "But if it's platonic for one person and romantic for the other, that's some pretty fucked up cosmic machinery."

Ash went off in search of a marijuana dispensary - it's legal here - while I went back to the room to read more. I just need to understand what was going on with Hailey. It's hard to think of all those days I wasn't there for her.

Hailey introduced Sam as her girlfriend to her mother and step-father that Thanksgiving. According to her diary, they were polite and welcoming to Sam. And while they didn't actually say it, Hailey got the impression that they didn't really believe that she was gay. I guess they thought it was a "phase", to borrow Mr. Hansen's condescending prehistoric phrase book.

Things started to sour between Hailey and Sam in the spring. It was heartbreaking to read. She tore herself up over every little sign that Sam was pulling away from her. She could see the breakup coming, and she frantically looked for ways to prevent it - to repair whatever was broken - but she was powerless.

After that, Hailey stopped writing her diary emails. I wonder if she has more diaries in a different format somewhere in the cloud or on another computer?

I left a voicemail with Sam asking her to call me back. I didn't know what I was going to ask, but it seemed like talking to her was my best lead.

Ash texted me. He said he met some locals and they're going off to some rich kid's house to get baked. He asked if I wanted to join, but I declined. We made plans to meet up again for dinner though.

The hotel has an impressive gym, so I went there to kill time while waiting for Sam. Maybe it was the exercise high, but I found myself really looking forward to some private time with Ash. I figured I'd jump his bones before dinner, and then probably after, too.

I was in the hallway on the way back to our hotel room when Sam called. "Lexi fucking Green. I am dying to know why you called me."

"I guess you know who I am then," I replied.

"Yeah," she said, practically spitting contempt.

"I guess you know about Hailey?" I asked cautiously.

"What, are you two back together? Please tell me you're not back together," Sam grumbled.

"Sam - Hailey's dead," I told her. "She killed herself."

"God damn it," Sam said. She didn't sound surprised. She added, "I swear to God, if you're fucking with me...."

"I wouldn't," I professed.

"Okay. Thanks for telling me," she said, less angry than sad now.

"Sam, what happened?" I asked. "With her, with you. I'm trying to understand it all."

"What happened?" She responded. "Well, you took away all of her friends, her self-worth, and her ability to trust. Then I put her back together. Partly."

I couldn't challenge her claim. "So you knew that she was depressed, or whatever?"

"Yeah," Sam told me. "She hid it well - she wouldn't let me in for a long time. But sometimes she would have these moods. It's like, do you know Echo and the Bunnymen?"

"I don't know what that is," I answered.

"80's band. Hailey and I used to go on road trips to concerts. Everything would be great, we'd be laughing, holding hands, and then some song would come on iTunes she would freeze and get quiet - totally shut me out. "Bring On The Dancing Horses" - she would cry every single time that came on. And then, over an hour, she'd eventually become her normal self again. I once asked her why she kept it in her music library. Know what she said? It reminded her of you, Lexi."

"Oh," I muttered.

"It wasn't all about you. She just had all these land mines."

"How did it end between you?" I asked.

"She just became too much," she said. "Too much weight on my back. I loved her, but she needed more from me than I could give. I've got my own problems, you know? I could never be the vulnerable one."

"I sorta get it," I answered. "Any idea what was going on with her after you broke up?"

Sam sighed. "I heard she crawled back in the closet - started dating some guy her parents set her up with."

"Thanks for telling me all this," I said.

"De nada," she said solemnly.

"One more thing," I added. "She and I made a sex tape together. The only copy was on a thumb drive that I gave her: green with black stripes. Did she ever mention it? Do you know what she did with it? How it could have gotten out?"

"She never mentioned it," Sam said. "She probably destroyed it when you stabbed her in the back. If she had kept it, I'm sure she would have shown it to me."

"Thanks," I said.

I looked up that song Sam mentioned: "Bring On The Dancing Horses".

Shiver and say the words
To every lie you've heard
First I'm gonna make it
Then I'm gonna break it 'til it falls apart
Hating all the faking
And shaking while I'm breaking your brittle heart

I guess that's how Hailey feels about me. Felt.

I was listening to that, over and over again, when Ash and some guy and some girl came into the room - all very high. They said I should go to some buffet with them. I kinda snapped at them - said I wanted to be alone - so they left. I wish they had shown up a half hour later. I would like to have gone with them. Bad timing.

I guess I'll go grab a bite at one of the hotel's restaurants on my own.

Oh - Dr. Welsh wrote back:

I was in bed and asleep when Ash came home a couple minutes ago - drunk, I think. He went into the bathroom to fap again; this time I could hear the moaning from the porno he was playing on his phone. I thought about going to him, taking care of him myself. I wanted to, but I guess I felt like I didn't have the right after how I had treated him. Now he's out like a light in bed next to me and I can't sleep.

Thursday December 21

Hailey may have stopped writing her email diaries, but her regular emails went on. It wasn't hard to figure out that the guy she dated after Sam was Hayden Jacobs. The emails didn't tell me anything about their relationship, though.

I called Hayden this morning. He agreed meet me at a coffee shop next to the university at 6:00 PM.

Ash and I made up or whatever. While he was getting ready to go, I had a headache of a text conversation with Mandy.

Ash and I spent most of the day walking around hand-in-hand on the Strip and doing tourist things.

I'm waiting for Hayden at the coffee place now. Ash went off with his new local friends. "There's a brothel an hour outside of town that has a sports bar. According to Yelp, they have the best fries in all of Nevada. We're going to have a couple beers, watch a game, and watch the hookers compete for the johns. Should be a blast."

We're going to meet up again for dinner and spend the rest of the evening together.

Hayden's first words when we met were, "So are you going to hit me?" I had told him I was a friend of Hailey's when I called, but that was about it.

"Why would I hit you?" I asked.

"Because of the way I treated Hailey," he said. He looked like he thought he deserved to be hit.

"I'm just looking for answers, dude," I told him. "I'm hoping you can tell me about what was going on in her life when you two were together. Anyway, if people are getting punched for how we treated Hailey, I should probably be at the front of the line."

"I guess my first question," I said after we had our drinks and sat down, "is why you and Hailey were dating in the first place. To the best of my knowledge, she was 100% into girls."

"She said she was bi," Hayden explained. "Our parents were friends; we knew each other as kids. After her breakup with Sam - Samantha - our parents encouraged us to go out. I don't know if her folks really believed that she was attracted to guys, or if it was just wishful thinking, but in the beginning they all had me convinced."

"So her parents are homophobes?" I asked.

"I don't think that's it," he said thoughtfully. "Her mom's best friend is gay. I think they just had all these fantasies about what Hailey's life would be like. You know: Hailey pregnant and helping Mom in the kitchen on Thanksgiving while her husband throws a football with her step-dad. I don't think they meant any harm."

"Okay, so they pushed you two to date...," I asked.

"Well, yeah, so we went out a couple times and it was fun. We'd been friends as kids and we were turning into friends again," Hayden explained. "And I didn't think it was weird that she always waited for me to initiate the physical stuff. Some girls are like that, you know? And when we had sex, she was totally into it. She definitely came, every time."

I doubted that. In Freshman year, some of the sorority girls - thinking Hailey was straight - pressured her into sleeping with a guy. Her diary detailed every thought that she put into convincing him she was having a good time.

"But then eventually I started to wonder if it was real," Hayden went on. "The way she talked about Sam - all the memories they had together - it didn't seem like what we had. I started to think I was just the rebound guy. I started to wonder why she was with me. But whenever I asked her about it, she told me I was wrong - that she really wanted to be with me."

"I kept thinking she was going to break up with me, but she didn't. She was obviously lying to me, and I guess I got resentful. I didn't mean to, but I guess I started to push her - to see how far she would take it." Hayden's face was full of shame.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Little stuff at first," he said. "Birth control pills. She didn't want to take them, but I didn't want to keep using rubbers, so I talked her into it. And then naked selfies. And shoplifting. I don't even know why I told her to do that." He couldn't meet my eyes while telling me this. "I convinced myself that I was the victim - like she was forcing me to force a confrontation."

"Anyway, we remained a couple, and our parents were thrilled," he went on. "She was always willing to have sex when I asked for it, but yeah, eventually it was clear that she was into girls. Sometimes we'd be checking out the same woman, you know? So, I figured...," he sighed. "A threesome with my ex. I was doing it for her, or something."

"Okay," I said cautiously. "How did that go?"

"At first Katie wouldn't let Hailey touch her," Hayden continued. "Hailey didn't say anything - but you know, she was shy. But then I told them that I really wanted to see them make out, you know? So Katie allowed it, and I saw something in Hailey's face that I'd never seen before. I fingered her while she was kissing Katie, and her orgasm was on a whole different level than when she and I did it alone. It seemed... natural - which I guess made me realize that it wasn't with me. Anyway, I'm pretty sure Hailey enjoyed it, and I did. Katie, maybe not, but fuck her."

"Okay, so, I guess in a way you guys were figuring out how to make the relationship work...," I said. "What happened after that?"

"Well, Katie wouldn't do it again, so I kinda convinced Hailey to create a Tinder account," He said. I looked at him suspiciously.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time: she would hook up with random girls, I would watch from the closet, and then later she and I would go at it like crazy. Don't look at me like that - after she got over her initial shyness, Hailey was into it!"

"How do you know she wasn't just putting on an act to please you?" I asked.

"You can totally tell. Here, check it out," Hayden told me. Next thing I knew he was showing me a video on his phone.

The video started with Hailey sitting on the edge of a bed, made up nicely and wearing a minidress. Her hair was her natural sunshine blond, hanging straight down her shoulder blades. I suspect she was wearing a padded bra, because her body definitely looked curvier in that dress than I remembered. Her eyes flashed pure blue for an instant, but then, shortly, her eyes and lips closed and her head tilted back as her date began to kiss her neck and rub her thigh. Hailey did definitely seem to be into it.

I don't think the brunette girl ever touched Hailey's pussy, but after a couple minutes of that, Hailey's panties were soaked. The two girls paused to take off their clothes and reposition themselves.

I wondered what Hayden thought about the two sets of breasts in the video. Hailey's boobs were small, but she was skinny, so they suited her. I don't think any fair-minded person could call her flat, but I know some guys would think them inadequate. I thought they were cute - enough to let her clothes work for her, or, I suppose, enough for a baby to nurse. The other girl had a more traditional Playboy build. Her boobs were large and shapely, without any tan lines.

Now that both of them were naked, the dark-haired girl lay on top of Hailey, kissing and caressing her. Soon both of their bodies were writhing together. I didn't actually notice it at first, but the visitor's leg was moving subtly but deliberately between Hailey's legs. Pretty soon Hailey was moaning in ecstasy. A few minutes later, she was whimpering urgently while the brunette flashed a devilish smile. Then all of the sudden, Hailey's arms went limp while her legs squeezed tight around the other girl's thigh. She whimpered again, but this time with relief.

"Well aren't you a slippery one?" The brunette asked as she got up. Her leg and the sheets were wet from Hailey's ejaculation.

Hayden skipped the video past the minutes of cuddling that happened next. Then we were watching Hailey coating a butt plug with lube and screwing it in to her guest's ass. Both girls were giggling at the time. The date was on her elbows and knees, and once the butt plug was secure, Hailey put two fingers into the other girl's vag. She wasn't pumping them - there was no visible motion from the outside - but I assume that Hailey was tickling her G-spot.

"Fuck me just like that!" The mystery girl in the video said. For several minutes it went on just like that, unmoving except for Hailey's lips and eyebrows while she made eyes at the girl who was, if you'll forgive me, wrapped around her fingers. A couple times the brunette arched her back like an angry cat while biting her lip and moaning. Hailey made her come like that three or four times.

Hayden put his phone away after the girls were done fucking and settled into a cuddle.

"How many of these videos do you have?" I asked.

"This is the only one," Hayden said. He sounded sincere.

"You need to destroy it," I told him. I don't know whether I came across as menacing or sympathetic.

"Yeah, I guess I should," he said.

"Do you know anything about any other sex videos of Hailey's?" I asked. He probably didn't know about the one of her and me, or if he did he didn't recognize me. "Did she show you one from a sorority party, or hint that it might exist?"

"No," he said. "She resisted me pretty hard on this one. That sort of thing isn't in her nature."

"Okay so what next?" I asked. "You convinced her to sleep with all these Tinder chicks. Was she happy with that arrangement?"

"Mmm, sometimes," he said. "She clearly liked the sex most of the time - better than she liked it with me. But she was always incredibly nervous and insecure before a date, and guilty after. I flat out asked her once why she doesn't find some girl to date instead of me. She told me she loved me, but, I don't think she did. I think she just needed companionship and her parent's approval."

"What happened next?" I pushed.

"Well, we stopped doing the Tinder thing," Hayden told me. "This one girl brought drugs - tried to get Hailey to shoot up with her - and things got a little crazy. A week after that was the first time she tried to kill herself."

"Wait, what?" I burst. "She tried before? You knew that she might do this?" I said accusingly.

"Well, sort of," Hayden explained. "It was Tuesday late at night and I got this call - someone I didn't know waking me up. I silenced the ringing the first two times but finally answered it on the third time he called. It was some guy saying I needed to come pick my girlfriend Hailey up at Hoover Dam. He wouldn't tell me much over the phone - just that she was there with him and she needed a loved one. When I got there she was crying, trembling in the front seat of this fifty year old's truck. He helped her into my car, and then he pulled me aside. He said that she had been sitting on the railing of the dam, looking down. He said he'd seen that look before and he knew what it meant. He talked to her to snap her out of whatever was going on in her head. He finally got her to give him my name and number.

"She didn't want to talk about it - that night or ever," Hayden continued. "I don't know what would have happened if that guy hadn't shown up."

"After that, I decided that I was part of the problem," he concluded. "I broke up with her. Told her mom about the thing with the dam. About other things. I hoped I was doing the right thing." His eyes were begging me to understand - begging me to tell him that he wasn't a monster.

I touched his hand. "Do you know what happened with her after you split up?"

"She went to live with her dad in Salt Lake City," he told me.

I texted Ash to see when he'd be ready for dinner. He said he was running late. I'm writing this from one of the hotel's bars, where I'm filling up on peanuts and nursing my third cocktail.

Friday December 22

Ash texted me at like 10:00 last night saying he was back at the hotel and asking where I was, so I left the bar and went back to our room.

He looked a mess. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair all tangled, and he was definitely still either drunk or stoned. I was pissed that he had put me off for so long, but the night was still young, so I decided not to make a big deal of it. "What kept you out so long?" I asked as I kissed him. He tasted like an ashtray.

"Well," he said awkwardly, "I got to talking to one of the ladies at the brothel - Emma. She was telling me that there were things she knew how to do that ordinary girls just can't do. I didn't believe her, but she practically dared me.... And you know, she was actually right."

I looked at him with stern disbelief.

"You mean to say," I began, trying to keep my cool, "that you had sex with a hooker, knowing that I was waiting for you back here, eager to spend time alone with you?"

"Well," he began.

I cut him off. "And what are these things Emma did for you, that an 'ordinary' girl like me is too much of a prude to know about?"

"Lexi," he tried again.

"'Cause believe me, Ash, I know how to fuck!" I said. By that time I had definitely lost my cool. "I know how to make a man feel good in so many ways. You've can barely even conceive of what I'm willing to do for a lover!"

"Lexi...," Ash began. He seemed to think I was going to cut him off again. "I thought you were going to stand me up again, okay? It was a shitty thing to do - I'm sorry. But since we got here, you haven't exactly been available. And I don't mean physically. Well not just physically. You've got all this shit to work through - I get that - but there's nothing I can do to help. I've tried to be here for you, but you wouldn't let me. I wanted to have some fun while in Vegas, and an opportunity came up."

"So what did she do?" I asked again.

"Lexi, c'mon...," he said. By this point he was half undressed and collapsed on the bed. Even if I had wanted to spend more time with him, he clearly wasn't capable.

I left. I stormed out of the hotel room, furious. At first I thought maybe I'd hit the hotel's gym. Nah - too angry for that. Maybe I could go find a shooting range. That didn't feel right - this place wasn't home. Besides, a Vegas shooting range probably has tacky neon all over the place. Then I thought maybe I should go down to the bar, act like a hooker, and get some guy to beg me to take money for sex. I laughed to myself at that one. Obviously I couldn't do that wearing jeans and a T-shirt with no makeup.

You know what Las Vegas has no shortage of? Ways to spend your money. There are literally miles of stores inside some of these hotels, open all night. At first I told myself it was just shopping therapy: that was the little red dress, the fuck-me pumps, and the lacy panties. I was maybe a little more honest with myself by the time I bought the push-up bra and earrings. By the time I bought the makeup, condoms, and a tote-bag for my plain clothes, I knew I was serious about my plan. Or at least, some variation on my plan.

Two hours after leaving Ash, I was all dolled-up, sitting at a bar and looking as inviting as I knew how.

I turned away plenty of guys, but Sean was a real contender. He was a true Irishman - accent, red hair, and everything. He was about thirty and dressed in a suit. He was in town for a wedding.

Before long, Sean's friend Lance showed up. Brown hair, glasses, also about thirty. He reminded me of one of those Dr. Who actors, except Lance is American. Lance immediately and unapologetically started trying to steal me away from Sean, so I embraced the game and turned it into a competition, quizzing them on this and that and teasing them with fickle affection. They were both good sports about it.

Finally I asked them each the most number of times they'd "done it" in one night. Sean said four or five. Lance agreed: "about that, yeah".

"Well tonight you're both going to beat those records, or die trying," I told them with a wink. I stood up, grabbed my bag, and took each of them by the hand.

Short version of the story: we fucked all night.

As for the long version, well...: I've had lots of fantasies about doing two guys at once over the years, and one limited experience, but this wasn't that. This wasn't two guys fawning over me together treating me like a goddess. This was two guys taking turns fucking me over and over. Er, well, three guys.

It was Lance's suite, so he claimed the honor of taking off my brand new, barely worn panties. My dress was bunched up around my waist and he was still wearing his jacket and tie when he mounted me, missionary-style. The warmth of all of the evening's liquor seemed to travel to my womb as he poked at it delightfully with his rubber-clad cock. Oh god how I needed it!

The bed was so bouncy! We tried to kiss while he pumped his cock in my pussy. His breath tasted like scotch - it almost felt like I could drink a sip from his lips. But the bouncing! Our glasses clashed together annoyingly until I finally removed both pairs and set them aside. After that I just groaned and squeezed and enjoyed being fucked.

When Lance was done coming, I carefully pulled the condom off and set it on the nightstand. "The score is one to zero. It's your serve," I said to Sean.

Sean took his time with the touching and kissing at the start, and he finished the task of removing my clothes. I could tell from his eyes when he was ready for the big deal. "How would'ya feel about makin' like a cowgirl?" He asked while I unrolled the rubber onto his dick.

"Love to," I said, and climbed into the saddle.

Again, the bouncing. A lot of times with cowgirl I like to actually bounce up and down, at least some of the time, but the springiness of the bed made that impossible. No biggy - both of us were perfectly happy with the forward-and-back grind. He seemed to enjoy touching my breasts. "Oh, lass," he groaned, and I giggled. I don't think I'd ever been called "lass" before.

I was coming when the champaign Sean had ordered arrived. It was a big suite with separate rooms, so the room service waiter couldn't see us from the entry, but I have no doubt that he heard us. Both of us - Sean was very encouraging. I would have loved to see the looks exchanged between Lance and the waiter.

"How about'cha bring a couple glasses in here, will ye?" Sean called to Lance once the waiter was gone.

Looking a little awkward, Lance brought two glasses to us. Still grinding Sean's cock inside of me, I took a sip and then immediately pulled Lance in for a quick kiss. I've always wanted to try two guys at once - you know, double penetration - and I thought maybe this was my chance. But Sean was due to come soon and I wasn't sure Lance was ready. Best to wait for better timing, I decided.

Once we'd had a few sips and set our champaign glasses aside, I locked eyes with Sean. His eyes were my captives - I wouldn't let them escape me. "I'm going to make you come now," I said impishly.

"Oh are ye now?" He asked defiantly.

I did. I switched to a more energetic, more circular grind and I locked his fingers in mine. First came the muttering - "Uh huh, yeah, okay, mmm." Then came the moaning - his and mine. Then the ranting: "Oh dear god ye can fuck! Oh Jesus!" And then the bucking hips, the twitching cock, and the sigh of relief.

I laid his come-filled condom out on the opposite nightstand from Lance's.

Not long after, the three of us were sitting naked on the couch. The boys were fighting over Lance's iPhone for the music-picking rights. I didn't really like either of their tastes.

"Who's up for a little spanking?" I said playfully. I turned around so my elbows were on the couch back, my knees on the seat, and my butt sticking out toward the TV.

Lance rubbed my ass, leaned in, and kissed it. "Who could ever think about harming a tush like this?"

"So it's pain that turns ye on then, love?" Sean asked.

"Not pain - spite," I told them. I wiggled my ass to draw more attention. "I want to leave here with an ass that's totally red. When I return to the hotel room of the boy who spurned me, I want it to be perfectly obvious that I was out getting fucked. No wait - not just fucked but slapped, bitten, sucked, showered with come, and used in every conceivable way. And that I liked it."

"Well far be it for me to stand in the way of you fixing your relationship!" Sean said. The guys took turns spanking me, and with a little coaxing, they were actually going pretty hard. It hurt, but I was glad when I pictured the look on Ash's face.

Lance answered his phone, and talked to someone who had clearly just gotten out of some show. "I'm glad you liked it. Hey, happy birthday, by the way!"

Sean shouted so that he would be heard over the phone, "Happy birthday, Jess. Say, you ever spanked a drunk college girl's naked ass before?"

"His nephew," he added, quietly, for my benefit.

I laughed in disbelief. I whispered to Sean, "How old is this kid?"

"He's... eighteen today!" Sean replied. The pause told me that his answer might not be entirely true.

Lance finished up his call. "Hey - Jess is going to swing by so I can give him his present, okay? It's kinda this thing we do every year: midnight, or soon after."

"Cool," I said.

We all got dressed and Sean poured the last of the Champaign. Pretty soon, Jess arrived and Lance gave him his present - a set of fancy bluetooth headphones.

Jess was a good looking kid, although he struck me as a little effeminate. He was slight, shorter than me, and had a face that may never have touched a razor. Beautiful eyes, though. He was wearing a dress shirt and nice pants.

Introductions were made and Jess and Lance were just starting on smalltalk, when Sean burst in like a bulldozer. "Before you got here we were taking turns giving Lexi a little spanking," he said. "Maybe if you're nice, she'll let you give it a go."

Jess looked around like a frightened deer. I shrugged and nodded. So Sean sat Jess down in the middle of the couch, and I stretched out across his lap. My dress was covering my butt. Jess seemed paralyzed, so I encouraged him: "C'mon, spank me!"

Jess was just drawing his hand back when Sean said, "Wait, no - it's not quite right." Sean lifted my dress so that my already red ass, covered by my new sexy panties, was showing.

Jess drew back his hand again, and at the last moment Sean stopped him again. "Wait, no, no," he said. Then he pulled my panties down. "There ye go."

Again I had to tell Jess to go ahead, but then he gave me a dozen or so tentative swats. I didn't bother to ask him to hit me harder.

As I got up, Sean was looking at me with hungry eyes. "With your permission, Lexi, I'd like to take you into the bedroom and leave these two to talk.

Once the door was closed we kissed and undressed each other. I unrolled the condom onto his dick with my mouth - a first for me - and then he took me to the bathroom.

Sean fucked me from behind standing in front of the mirror. He somehow kept both of my arms locked behind me with just one of his, leaving the other one free to squeeze my breast.

"Harder. Squeeze me harder," I panted, and so he gripped my boob tight. My glasses fogged up to where I couldn't see us in the mirror, so I tossed my head around to make them fall off. Somewhat blurrily, I watched Sean man-handle me while his hips bumped against my ass and his cock moved inside my pussy. My throat resonated with the pleasure I was feeling.

"Choke me," I said. He let go of my breast and wrapped his hand around the front of my neck, just under my jaw. I watched him squeeze my throat, holding me captive while his cock stroked into me with a flesh-slapping sound. "Yes Sean. Yes, yes!" I cried as I came.

"Yer poor boyfriend has no idea what he's giving up, does he?" Sean asked.

"Fuck me harder," was my response. And that's what he did.

Instead of free standing, the vigor of this thrusts pushed me up against the sink counter. Its edge dug into my hips uncomfortably, but who could care with the ramrod cock Sean was delivering to me. I moaned freely, not caring if I woke the whole city. Sean grunted, straining to come, and that set me off. Again I wailed and gasped as impossibly-good feeling swept through me. "That'll... do it..." Sean said through gritted teeth, and his face tightened up.

Then, he let go of my arms and neck and stopped pumping. We both relaxed as I felt the last twitches of his cock finishing its work.

I put the used condom on the nightstand next to Sean's first one.

I was feeling pretty damned satisfied after that. I decided that whole marathon most-times-record idea was juvenile and it was time to go back to my room. I put my undies and dress back on, planning to say my goodbyes and go. I was surprised that Jess was still there. Lance said that Jess had a question for me.

His approach was a strange mix of shy and confident. "Since it's my birthday, do you... do you think I could have a kiss, please?"

It was already a what-the-hell night, so why not give the kid a thrill, right? I sat him down in the armchair and sat in his lap, my legs hanging over one of the chair's arms, and I kissed him. It was short at first, but I guess I got an ego boost from the mind-blown look on his face, so I kissed him some more. One of his hands was around my back, supporting me, but the other one was on my shin.

"Go ahead and touch me if you want," I whispered to him.

His free hand moved to my hip, and then my butt, and then my breast. I wondered if he had ever felt a boob before. I think Sean and Lance were gesturing at him, because his eyes shifted around, but then his hand went to my knee, and very tentatively started to slide up my thigh.

Fuck it. I stood up. Jess looked worried that he had upset me, but then I moved to the doorway to the bedroom, stopped, and winked at him. He chose to join me.

If I had been sober, I probably would have forced myself to re-think Jess' age, but in the state I was in, I happily cast that thought aside.

Once the door was closed I pushed him against it, pulled down his pants, and sucked his dick. I think he probably came in less than a minute. The look of astonishment on his face was priceless. I know I should have made him wear a condom, but I didn't.

I climbed onto the bed and gestured for him to join me. "We'll go back out in a minute," I said quietly. "We can keep them guessing about what happened in here."

Jess seemed to appreciate my discretion, and joined me on the bed, pants-less.

I had taken it as a given that his dick would go soft after my blowjob. My plan was just to kill some time talking before rejoining the other guys, so they wouldn't tease him about coming so quickly. After three minutes of talking about computers while he tried to hide the lust in his eyes, his dick was still erect and occasionally twitching.

"Did you stay hard this whole time?" I asked him with disbelief.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be!" I told him. "I've just never seen a guy keep it up after coming. I didn't think it was humanly possible."

"I just, um," he stammered.

"It's okay," I said, and gave him a light kiss.

Fuck it. I took off my dress and bra and lay back down. Jess didn't know what to make of it. "You're in charge," I told him, curious to see what he'd do.

He sucked and squeezed my breasts. I made appreciative sounds and stroked his hair. He put his hand down my panties and felt around, but he didn't stay long. He kissed my belly for a while, but then he removed my panties and sat between my legs, giving my pussy a few loving strokes. Then he got up and finished undressing.

He moved back between my legs and was clearly getting ready to do it. I gestured at the box of condoms on the nightstand. He took the hint and wrapped up. Then he moved on top of me and clumsily tried to put his cock in me. I tried not to laugh. It kinda blew my mind that, given how prevalent porn is on the Internet, he didn't really seem to understand girls' anatomy that well. Eventually he found the right spot and angle and slipped his hard-on into me. I moaned, and wrapped my arms around him.

For a couple minutes Jess pumped me, constantly looking worried that he might do something wrong. I cooed, and eventually moaned, enjoying our coupling and feeling glad that I hadn't left. His skin was smooth and hairless like a girl's. I liked it.

Jess started panting some soft high grunts. I touched his face and neck. And then came release, as he filled up the condom and his face showed a sort of euphoric pride.

"First time?" I asked while he remained frozen on top of me. He nodded.

His condom went on top of the dresser.

I only put my panties back on after that; I wasn't going anywhere.

We ordered room service and pried into Jess' dating life until it arrived. He's never had a girlfriend, but he does have a crush on this one girl who wears skirts and ponytails. We grown-ups (lol!) assured him that girls his age do, in fact, desperately want sex like boys do - they're just wired to be more cautious about it. I told him about how promiscuous my friend Becca was and he asked for her phone number. I refused.

Lance spooned me for his second go. Somehow he made the bounciness of the bed work for him, because the way we were rocking together reminded me of being on the ocean. I didn't have any strong orgasms, but I had a handful of minis that fit the mood nicely.

Jess got pretty drunk - a first for him, I suspect.

Sean wanted to go again, so we tried doggy-style, but he couldn't stay hard enough to make it work. I suggested anal might work out better, so we sent Lance down to the gift shop to buy some lube. Viva Las Vegas! Sean gave me hickeys on my neck and inner thigh while we waited. Then Sean rubbered back up, lubed, and fucked my ass doggy-style on the floor. I came hard that time. I guess I had good chemistry with Sean.

While Sean and Jess were napping I gave Lance a prostate massage. I've read a lot about them but haven't had many chances to practice. We're pretty sure I gave him a prostate orgasm: his dick stayed soft but he said something happened. Will Emma do that, Ash? I boasted to myself

Sean insisted that Jess needed to learn how to perform oral, so Jess fingered and licked me while the guys watched and advised. After that Lance suggested that Jess lick my ass, which we both rejected, but he did finger me there and was surprised by how excited it got me. So then Jess fucked my ass - this time I was bent over the edge of the bed. Once I started coming the three men discussed whether it was real, and even possible. Like Mandy, Jess just couldn't believe it at first.

It was nearly dawn and I started to think more about how I wanted to present myself to Ash. I decided I wanted come in my hair, so I tried to get a rise out of Lance and Sean, but I couldn't get either of them hard. I'm not proud of it, but I actually squeezed the semen from two of the used condoms and applied it strategically to my hair and face.

It was light out when I got back to my hotel room. Ash woke up and watched, silently, while I took off my new dress and underwear. He clearly noticed all of the various red marks all over my body.

"Lexi, are you all right?" He asked.

"I'm good, thanks," I told him. "I had a lot of fun tonight." Truth be told, I was trying to hurt him - which maybe he didn't deserve. But I felt good about myself as I crawled into bed naked and drifted off to sleep.

I woke up this morning to Ash squeezing my hand. He was kneeling next to the bed, with his suitcase beside him.

"Lexi - I hate to wake you, but I figured I should tell you face to face," he said. "It's time for me to go. I'm heading back to spend Christmas with Juliet."

He waited for me to absorb what he'd said before going on, knowing I was groggy. "The hotel has my credit card on file. We're paid up through today, but you can stay as many more days as you want. I hope your journey ends with peace."

I watched him go, thinking a thousand contradictory thoughts. Shortly after the door closed I realized I couldn't leave it like that. I quickly pulled on some panties and a T-shirt and followed him into the hall.

"Hey Ash!" I said as I ran to catch up to him. There was an old couple leaving their room who looked unhappy about sharing the hallway with a half-naked girl with poky nipples and semen in her hair. "I'd like to think that if all this craziness hadn't happened...," I began, pausing to figure out the rest.

Ash finished for me, "...that we would have had a couple of fun carefree weeks before figuring out that we're not right for each other?"

"Yeah, that," I said. I didn't know what I was going to say, but it wasn't that. That hurt.

I kissed him on the cheek and let him go.

I checked out before incurring another day's charge. I figured I would drive to Salt Lake City today - pick up Hailey's trail there - but ten minutes into the drive I realized that I was dead fucking tired and it would be dangerous to drive. I checked in to a non-casino hotel on the outskirts of town. I'll go tomorrow.

I couldn't sleep for the whole day, obviously. I didn't want to talk to Juliet, and Martin wasn't replying to my texts, so I wrote back to professor Welsh.

I also tried writing back to the Haters' Club admin. He obviously knows who I am, so I might as well try a straight human approach.

Saturday December 23

I listened to Hailey's playlists on Spotify during my drive to Salt Lake City. One is called "Carbon Monoxide Dance" (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5kwlh4I4nXmDDiBwqSWnhH). Her mom said she didn't leave a suicide note; maybe this is it.

I guess the themes are pretty much what you'd expect: loneliness, dissatisfaction, and unworthiness. For example:

Do you share the same sense of defeat?
Have you realized all the things you'll never be?
Ideals turn to resentment, open minds close up with cynicism
I've got no judgment for you
Come on and ache with me
-- Ache With Me by Against Me!

But a couple of them, to me, sound hopeful...:

I can hear your bare feet on the kitchen floor
And I don't have to have these dreams no more, and I've
Found someone just to hold me tight
Hold the insomniac all night
-- Insomniac by Billy Pilgrim

I guess, I just don't understand how she could do it if she still had hope.

And on the topic of me not getting it, Professor Welsh wrote back:

He's right: I'm a dick.

I met with Hailey's dad in the afternoon. He was nice to me - nicer than I deserved. He knew about Hailey's Hoover Dam scare - that's part of why she moved here. She started seeing a psychologist, taking some meds, and going to community college.

She also joined a community theater troupe. She really liked being a part of a group, doing something big together. The play was As You Like It - Shakespeare - and her part was a semi-important character named Phoebe. Then word of the sex-video got out. They fired her from the cast. They were worried about negative publicity. So once again, just when Hailey had found a group of people to bond with, I took it away from her. I'm sorry, Hailey.

I wrote back to Dr. Welsh while I sat in my hotel room trying to figure out what to do next. Maybe I shouldn't have written everything I did. But what the hell - he's in prison, so it's not like he's going to stalk me.

Oh, and the email I sent begging the admin to take down the Hailey sex video? The fucker posted it. The Chi Omicron girls identified Hailey as the other girl, and they roasted the hell out of her. They made fun of her suicide, and joked about calling her parents or harassing them on social media. I desperately hope those were empty threats. I just keep making things worse.

Sunday December 24

I prayed last night. I grew up going to Catholic school, so I've spent more hours than I can count praying, but last night was different. I think last night was the first time I really meant it. I begged God to be understanding with Hailey: to forgive her suicide and welcome her to His side. I told Him about all of the wonderful ways about her - how great she was, for me and the world. On the surface I guess it's stupid: God doesn't need my opinions to make His divine judgments. But then, maybe in my clumsy way, I wasn't really trying to persuade God, but thanking Him for Hailey. I feel like He listened.

I met with one of the actors from Hailey's play this morning: Scott.

"It was obvious from day one that Hailey was desperate to fit in," Scott told me over pancakes. "I thought it was nice, but some of the girls said she tried too hard."

"I liked her - I wanted to ask her out," Scott continued, "but as time went on it became clear that she had her eye on someone else. Hailey was crushing on Sondra - the girl who played Rosalind. I didn't like how she treated Hailey. Part of it was theater snobbishness - Hailey didn't have any real theater experience. Like this is Broadway or something. Some of it was probably just that pecking order thing that girls do."

I liked Scott. He seemed sincere. And he was an ally to Hailey, from the sound of it.

"Anyway, one day Hailey really put herself out there," he said. "She invited Sondra to watch movies at her house - just the two of them. Sondra gave her a smackdown. She quoted Hailey's own lines to her - Phoebe's rebuke of Silvius - but in a really snide way.

"I don't know the play," I told him.

He kinda quoted it for me, but I had trouble following, so I looked it up later:

"Now I do frown on thee with all my heart;
And if mine eyes can wound, now let them kill thee:
Now counterfeit to swoon; why now fall down;
Or if thou canst not, O, for shame, for shame,
Lie not, to say mine eyes are murderers!"

"You could see Hailey's heart breaking a little more with every word. She left crying while some of the girls laughed at her," Scott said.

"What happened after that?" I asked.

"Well, she showed up to rehearsals and then the first two shows - did her part. But she barely talked to anyone," he explained. "And then the sex video came out. Do you know about that? Hailey and some other girl going at it at a sorority party, they say."

He clearly didn't realize that I was the other girl from the video. No point in mentioning it.

"A lot of the guys started teasing her about it," he went on. "Teasing Sondra, too - you know, dildo jokes and stuff. Sondra was really mad. It obviously got to Hailey but she tried not to show it. And then the producer kicked her out of the show."

Scott was suddenly emotional: "I swear - I tried to be there for her. She just wouldn't let me in."

"It's not your fault," I told him. "She had been hurt so many times by that point.... Anyway, did she ever say anything about where the video came from?"

"No."

"Okay. Do you know what happened to her after that?" I asked.

"No," he said. "Next I heard, she had killed herself."

It's Christmas Eve and I'm in a cheap hotel in an unfamiliar city. I tried calling Juliet - just to talk to a friend - but she was bitchy. She didn't like how I had treated her brother, for fuck's sake.

I tried calling Martin. He told me - get this - Mandy thought it would be a good idea if he and I didn't talk much from now on. He needs to focus on their relationship. I'm trying not to be mad - Martin doesn't exactly have a lot of experience with relationships and sex. I guess I should say I'm trying not to be mad at him. Fuck you, Mandy - I thought we were friends.

Mom and Dad are in Greece right now. At least Dr. Welsh wrote back.

After that I took a nice warm bath fantasizing about getting fucked by Dr. Welsh's giant cock. I even tried fisting myself but that was a total no-go: my vag couldn't stretch anywhere near that far, and even if it could, that's just way too awkward to do with your own hand. I did learn how to come from a bathtub faucet though.

I think I'll go out and case Hailey's shrink's office. Maybe she has some notes that could shed some light on what Hailey was going through.

Ever wake up in the middle of the night to an important realization? I just did.

My emails with the Lexi Haters' Club Admin were addressed just like that, but they were posted to the Haters' Club forum by the screen name Not2xTapped - the same person who posted the Hailey sex video in the first place. More importantly, when he posted my email begging him to remove the video, he accidentally revealed the email address that the admin account was forwarded to: [email protected].

That email sounded familiar so I searched through all of my files. Eventually I found it in the plain-text passwords file I had lifted from Desmond Ingram's computer a year ago. Desmond fucking Ingram! I should have known!

Desmond was the uncouth IT guy at my part-time job. He tried to blackmail me into dating him with the naked pictures of me he'd found on the Internet. I refused, things escalated, and eventually he was arrested for his bootleg movie sales operation. I guess he must have squirmed out of trouble somehow - probably turned rat on someone. While I was fighting with him I snagged a copy of his master passwords file, unencrypted.

Anyway, SteampunkHacker64 was on his password list, but the password wasn't any good any more. Unlike most people, Desmond is smart enough to change his passwords when he realizes they've been compromised.

I don't know what to do with this information. I'll have to think it over.

Monday December 25

This morning I went to mass. In the evening, I infiltrated Hailey's shrink's office.

The office was one of four suites in a small brick building that looked like a house. It's clearly a one-person operation. There are no cameras and no alarm systems. Based on Facebook, the shrink is a practicing Christian, so there's no way she would be working on Christmas. Tonight seemed like the ideal time for a little break-in. So, you know, the usual: hoodie, jeans, gloves, lock picks, thumb-drive.

The computer was password-protected, but the hard drive wasn't encrypted, so all I had to do was boot from my thumb drive. There was a folder for each patient, so I started copying everything from the Hailey Archer one.

Mid-way through the copy, I heard someone at the door. I hid under the desk, desperately hoping whoever it was would go away, but I was pretty sure I was screwed: the lights were on and the computer was on. The office was made up of just two rooms, plus a bathroom and a closet, so it's not like there was anywhere else for them to go. I tried to predict what might happen - to come up with an escape plan - but there were just too many possibilities, and none of them were good.

I heard him stop just inside the doorway. (I don't know how I knew it was a "him". He sounded tall, maybe?) Then he cautiously advanced. I kept hoping that somehow I'd catch a break. My heart was racing and I was fighting to keep my breath quiet. Eventually he rounded the corner of the desk and saw me.

I waved, meekly. He pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"Wait! Stop! Please?" I said, and stood up with my hands in the air. Fortunately, he did stop dialing.

My adversary was a tall guy, about twenty-five, with a shaggy haircut, casually dressed. He seemed to have an unusually large adam's apple, but maybe that was just an illusion from his posture - his head seemed further forward than most people. He definitely wasn't a psychologist.

"Okay, look, I know I shouldn't be here," I explained, "but I'm not stealing anything, or damaging anything. All I'm doing is trying to figure out what happened to my best friend. She... killed herself, and I have no idea why. It's tearing me apart. I was just hoping to find some clue about what would make her do that."

He looked at me and his phone. He wasn't busting me right away. That gave me hope that I'd be able to talk my way out of this.

He had a severe stutter. "I b-better c-c-c-c-..."

Ordinarily, courtesy demands that you patiently wait for someone with a stutter to finish speaking, right? Ordinarily that's what I would have done. But you have to understand that my heart was exploding in my chest with fear.

"See for yourself!" I interrupted. "Look - I was only copying files for one person - Hailey Archer." There was a spark of recognition in his face when I said her name. He looked at the computer screen.

He shook his head. "N-no. I need to tell m-my b-boss."

"C'mon, dude!" I begged. "If you make that call, I go to prison for years! Just because I'm going crazy grieving for my best friend? If you knew her you would understand why I had to come." I added, "Um, did you know Hailey?"

He was still holding his phone but his fingers were frozen. "N-n-no."

He probably didn't realize it, but he was checking me out. A hoodie isn't the most flattering top, but my jeans hugged my hips nicely. I pulled back my hood so he could see my hair and more of my face - no point in keeping hidden now. I also discretely wet my lips, and stretched in a way that I figured would show off the shape of my chest.

"What's your name?" I asked. I needed to engage him - make a personal connection.

"R-robbie," he answered.

"Robbie, please, my life is in your hands here," I argued.

"I-ehay..." he started to say, and his hand approached his phone again.

"Are you a virgin, Robbie?" I asked hurriedly, and I put my hand on his forearm. Total shot in the dark play.

He paused and then looked away, his face turned flush. I took that as a yes.

I stepped up, put my arms around his neck, and kissed him. At first he tried to say something, but I kissed him again and he shut up and let it happen. Then I nuzzled his neck while I whispered to him. "I know what it's like - a friend explained it to me," I told him. "It's like there's a club that everyone in the world in a part of, but you're not allowed in. Every living creature does it, but fate has singled you out as the exception. Fate says you're not allowed."

I stepped back and took his free hand, tracing designs with my fingers. "This could be a really nice Christmas for both of us, Robbie," I said. I looked into his eyes, and tried for a look that was half-way between innocent and sexy.

He didn't say anything - I figured he was hooked. So after taking off my gloves, I pulled down his pants, dropped to my knees, and sucked his dick. He was moaning instantly. I mentally prepared myself for him to come any second. He put his hands on my head and stroked my hair.

After a half minute, Robbie said, "Wait," and nudged me off of his dick. I stood up, smiled at him, and waited for whatever he had to say.

"I wan-w-wanna do-do-do it," he said.

I smiled at him like I was thrilled that he finally asked. I moved his hands to the button of my jeans. He unbuttoned them, unzipped, and slowly revealed my panties. I pulled my jeans down and then I pressed his hand to my crotch. He looked surprised when he felt the wet patch. I smiled again. Then I pulled my panties down, turned around, and leaned on the desk.

Robbie fumbled, but only a little bit: I helped guide his dick into my pussy. He started thrusting and moaning. I did too. I figured we had reached an agreement. I was just beginning to settle down from fight-or-flight into enjoying a pretty nice fuck, but then something went wrong. His rhythm was disrupted, and then he pulled out.

He started making disappointed sounds, but nothing coherent. I turned around and looked at his face, but he was looking at his dick: it was only half-hard, and he was clearly distraught by that.

"Hey, it's okay," I said soothingly. "It's totally normal to be nervous your first time."

He didn't look like he believed me, but I knew that my freedom depended on him having a good time, so I had to be pushy. I squeezed his slippery dick and rolled his balls around in my hand. I didn't dare jerk it: if he came from a mere hand job he might void our deal. I kissed his cheek and neck while I nursed his erection back to full health. For good measure I helped him out of his shirt, kissed his nipple, and touched his chest.

I was hoping to get right back to the fucking so I could leave before anything else went wrong, but Robbie started pulling on my hoodie. I had to make a decision. The more clothes I took off, the harder it would be to leave in a hurry; on the other hand, maybe he needed to see boobs to stay hard enough to come. I decided I had better go all-out. Together we took off my hoodie and shirts. I kicked off my shoes and finished removing my jeans and underwear, and then took off my bra. I was now completely naked, except my socks and glasses.

He touched me, but very hesitantly at first. I gave him all sorts of encouragement until he was totally comfortable squeezing and rubbing my breasts After a couple minutes of that I sat on the edge of desk and went back to fondling his dick and balls some more. He was leaking a respectable amount of pre-come.

"This is nice," I said soothingly, "but when you're ready, I'm eager to feel that cock inside me again." He looked at me like he couldn't believe a girl was saying that to him. I honestly felt bad for him: he was a reasonably good-looking guy, and I'm sure there are women out there who share his interests, whatever they are. I didn't see any reason he should have trouble with girls. But I guess I was lucky that he did.

Robbie inched forward between my legs, so I figured it was penetration time again. I helped guide his cock into my pussy and pulled on his waist until he was pumping me with a nice consistent rhythm.

"Oh, fuck," I moaned. I leaned back with my arms behind me, which I guess made my breasts look better, because his face suddenly looked more excited, and he pulled me just a little tighter. I was liking it. Part of my brain was thinking about escape plans, but my body was 100% committed to a joyful fluid exchange.

I suggested he play with my nipples, which he did. Fuzzy electricity raced around my body. My legs were getting tired, so I asked him to hold my ankles. He seemed to think that was a treat.

I was excited and I wanted to come, but I needed more than he was giving me. I lay back. "Do you know how to play with a girl's clit?" I asked him.

"N-n- I- uh-uh," he responded. I guided his hand. "Get a little fluid on your finger like this. Okay, good. Now just approach it, stroke the outside up and down, lightly. Goooood..."

After that I didn't have to say a word. He figured the rest out on his own while I moaned and shook and smiled and squeezed and came.

"Oh my god, so good," I told him. By that time I got the feeling he was eager to finish. "Come on," I encouraged him, "give it to me hard. Come like you've always wanted to."

I leaned forward again, wrapping my arms around his neck and crossing my legs behind his back. His hands held my ribs and we fucked harder. I think his balls were slapping the side of the desk. He didn't make any sounds, but I could see the countdown timer in his face. Thirty seconds later he winced and came, and I felt those delightful twitchy spurts in my pussy.

I kept holding him, but I made it a point to inch back on the desk. The inevitable come-leakage when he pulled out or went soft would be much easier to clean off the desk than the carpet. We kissed for a bit while his erection faded.

Once the embrace was broken, acted fast. I wiped the come off the desk with my panties and put my jeans on before I could drip any more.

"I know this is crazy and you might not believe me," I told Robbie while I got dressed, "but I'm kinda glad I ran into you here tonight." He didn't do or say anything - he just watched me.

Once I was sure I had all my clothes and that my lock picks and keys were still in my pockets, I turned off the computer, pulled out my thumb drive, and made for the door.

"Thanks for being cool, Robbie," I said, begging him with my eyes to keep my secret. Then I left.

My jeans and undies are soaking in the hotel room sink to prevent the semen stains from setting in. I figure it will be a while before I can get to proper laundry facilities.

I haven't seen any police lights or heard any sirens so far. I tried reading the shrink's notes on Hailey, but I'm too nervous. I can't concentrate enough to read, watch TV, or write code. How do career criminals deal with this? Maybe I'll go for a run.

Merry Christmas.

Tuesday December 26

What the hell? I thought that maybe the shrink's notes would shed some light on Hailey's insane choice to kill herself, but it makes even less sense now.

According to the psychologist, Hailey was disappointed by Sondra's rejection, but was handling it in a healthy way. After the sex tape and being kicked out of the play, she was apparently "withdrawn", but the shrink coaxed Hailey into talking about it. My name came up of course. But then at the next session she was "doing well."

In her last session, a day before her suicide, all Hailey could talk about was a video game - Life Is Strange. It's not like a jumping/shooting type game: it's more like an interactive story where the player's decisions affect what happens. The shrink wrote that Hailey had become deeply invested in the characters. The ending requires the player to make some very difficult decision. Hailey spent the whole therapy session dwelling on whether she had made the wrong choice.

So after everything that the poor girl had weathered - after all the shit that people like me had put her through - it was a fucking video game that broke her? It makes no sense.

I'm stopped for dinner on the road home. Juliet texted that "we need to talk" when I get home - I bet she plans to kick me out of the apartment. Maybe I can stay with Mandy... oh, wait, she hates me now. Is Professor Nathan fucking Welsh, the lecherous sadistic academic fraud, my only friend now?

The assholes at the Lexi Haters' Club just keep ripping on Hailey more and more. I want all of them dead.

Wednesday December 27

I kept thinking about Desmond's password list while I drove home. None of his old passwords were any good, but what if they offered some insight into how he chooses passwords? What if I could find a pattern? I have hundreds to work from. By the time I arrived home I scrambled into my bedroom and opened my laptop, blowing off Juliet's request to "talk" right away.

Desmond did have a sort of formula for creating passwords. After an hour of study and a dozen guesses, I was able to get in to the SteampunkHacker64 account. This had been a seldom-used spare account before Desmond got arrested, but he started using it much more after.

SteampunkHacker64's emails revealed where the Hailey sex video came from: When the Chi Omicron scandal hit, the police confiscated some computers from the sorority. That included Piper's computer, the one that I had recorded the sex video on. I had deleted the recording from Piper's computer, of course, but I didn't think to completely shred it.

Years later, a friend of Desmond's who works at a computer forensics lab tipped him off that the confiscated computers would be auctioned off by the police soon, and that one of them had something that would interest him on it. Desmond bought Piper's computer, restored the deleted video file (mostly), and created the Haters' Club.

(Note to self: this means the police might have discovered my spyware kit. I need to start using a different package.)

Juliet was no longer in the mood to talk by the time I finished. She's seriously pissed.

Dr. Welsh just emailed me. He wants to meet for drinks. I'm undecided.

Thursday December 28

Yeah, I hooked up with Dr. Welsh last night - Nate.

I wasn't sure whether I wanted to when I agreed to drinks, but right now, he's kinda the only person I can talk to. And as is becoming ever-clearer, I'm a gigantic slut.

At first I was mostly telling him about Hailey, what I've learned about her, and how much I miss her. It seems that one of the first things Nate did when he got out of jail yesterday, was to watch the Hailey sex video. He said it looked like we really cared for each other. He also questioned my claim about being straight.

Around our third drinks, Nate told me about his early sexual experiences. His first several times were really bad experiences: neither he nor his girlfriends knew how to deal with his giant cock without pain. Then, at eighteen, he started seeing a twenty-six year old - one with enough experience to teach him how to do it right. After that, panties regularly dropped whenever he walked by.

The sex talk and alcohol had me pretty turned on - enough to put my misgivings aside - so it was time to make a decision. "If I go back to your place with you," I asked without him volunteering the idea, "I don't want any games. No bondage or cameras, no boastful stories to the Internet. Just two people enjoying each others' bodies and company. Are you cool with that?"

"Thats precisely what I want", Nate said, touching my hand for the first time.

Back at Dr. Welsh's place we didn't go straight at it: we had another drink first.

"My sister has major depressive disorder," he said as he handed me my scotch and soda.

"Did she ever try to kill herself?" I asked.

"No - not that I know of," he told me. "She's come close many times over the years. She's forty-three now." We relaxed on the couch together.

"The funny thing is, she claims that suicide is at the top of her bucket list," he mused between sips.

"I don't get it," I confessed.

"She says she's spent so much time wanting to kill herself that it has become one of her life goals," he explained. "Even when she's perfectly fine - happy and in control of her life - she thinks of it as something she's always wanted to do but never gotten around to, like learning to play the piano or visiting Thailand."

I didn't know what to say so I just stared for a while.

It was time for me to stop drinking, so I got his pants off and sucked Nate's dick on the couch while he finished his drink. He had been right about how uncomfortable it was to blow him, but he came just before I was ready to give up. A lot of it ended up on my blouse. He said that I'm the first girl he's been with since prison, so that's why it was super easy to get him off. Still, this was the first time since his twenty's that he came from oral, so I was a little proud.

Nate spent an eternity undressing me, and then another eternity just touching me. Sometimes he would pose me and then go over my body with his hands, as if I were something entirely different in this new position. He studied all of my hickeys and bruises in great detail, sorta like a crime scene investigator, but reverent instead of detached. We didn't say a word that whole time: his hands and my body said everything we needed to say.

When Nate finally lay on his back and guided me above him, I could tell that I was ready. My vagina had spent all that time preparing: expanding, lubricating, limbering up. It didn't hurt as I eased backward on top of him, wiggling and pushing his totem pole inside of me, but I did feel stuffed past my limit. It was like someone was trying to shove a whole new extra organ into my belly, which, I guess, was literally true. Even when I knew that he was as deep into me as my body would allow, I tried to push down and take more of him in. That actually hurt a little, but it's good to know your limits.

The tiniest rocking of my hips seemed to cause great momentous shifting in my insides, but the more I felt it the more I couldn't get enough. Pretty soon I was genuinely riding him, grunting and huffing with each stroke. My pussy felt goooood! If I moved wrong I was pretty sure I would explode, but it was good! Meanwhile, Nate was just looking at me with what seemed to me to be a proud teacher's smile. I locked my eyes on his, and he did the same. We had some kind of moment together looking at each others' faces like that, and boom! I came.

Coming on a big cock like that, I guess you feel it more. I'm not saying it was the best orgasm of my life, just that I could feel my muscles more acutely - I could really tell everything my vag was doing. Good vagina - well done!

I lay flat on top of him and hungrily kissed his shoulders while the stardust of orgasm twinkled away inside me. I didn't stop rocking my hips, though: his cock kept pumping through my cunt.

Nate took over the thrusting: I just sort of hovered above him letting it happen - letting him pound me. Yum. I liked that better than when I was doing the work, but I understood now how cautious he was being.

Then we rolled over so I was on my back. Nate stuffed a bunch of pillows under my head and shoulders, and started going at me from an upright sitting position. "I want you to be able to see my cock filling you up," he explained.

It really was weird watching that comically-large dong sneaking its way into what I've never really thought of as a particularly big opening. But I watched it, and I felt it, until my head fell back and my eyes closed and all I could do was moan.

"Tell me about these guys you fucked in Vegas," Nate requested.

"Really? Now?" I asked. He nodded.

"Well, I picked up Lance and Sean - two friends - in the hotel bar and then we went back to Lance's room. They were older than me but still kinda young," I told him. "First I made them spank me hard." His dick twitched noticeably in my pussy. "Then they basically took turns with me."

"How did they fuck you?" Nate asked. He was clearly getting into the story - there was a new sort of swivel in his hips.

"Um, well, Lance did missionary at first. We still had most of our clothes on," I explained. "And the time after that we spooned."

My memories were combining with my real-time experience in the strangest of ways, but I wasn't complaining, and Nate was clearly getting off on it.

"My first time with Sean was cowgirl," I went on. "He had an accent and he muttered all these funny things. And then we did it standing in front of the mirror, and that was fucking intense!"

Speaking of fucking intense....

"And for his third... uh! ...time he fucked my... mmph! ...my ass! Oh god! Oh....!" Just thinking about a cock moving in my ass while Nate's enormous dick drilled me sent me over the edge. I was coming with parts of my body that I didn't think had anything to do with sex. I swear, my god damned teeth were coming!

Nate was super intense now - thrusting into me and dripping sweat on my thighs. I couldn't tell if he was deliberately holding back to hear more, or if he needed some kind of perversion to finish.

"There was a third...," I said once I had recovered. I locked my eyes on his and gave him a naughty smile. "Lance's nephew Jess showed up. It was his birthday, and I was already so caught up in the magic of the evening."

Nate groaned. He seemed to be trying really hard to come.

"He came in my mouth in forty-five seconds flat," I said. Nate grunted some more. "He was a virgin. He never even lost his hard-on after the blowjob so, two minutes later, I told him to take me. I was his first."

I could actually feel Nate's cock getting harder.

"And then later he licked me. And then he fingered my ass. He got me so wound up from that that I begged him to fuck me there," I added.

"How... old was he?" Nate asked between grunts.

"They told me he was eighteen," I said.

"How old was he really?" Nate asked.

I blushed hard. "Like, probably fifteen? Oh god, I hope he wasn't any younger than fifteen!"

Nate almost scared me with his bellow. He stopped thrusting, but each of his squirts seemed to have just as much power. There was no room for the extra volume he was shooting into me. I had a final mini-come while Nate rode out his long-awaited post-prison pussy climax.

After, I was lying on my side and Dr. Welsh had his hand on my back. It was a serene moment, but of course I had to talk about Hailey again.

"You know what the last thing she talked to her shrink about was?" I began. "A video game. She was caught up in the story, and then finally she had to make some tragic decision that determined how the story would end. She spent the whole hour dwelling on whether she had made the wrong decision. In a video game. That was basically the last time anyone talked to her."

I sighed, expressing my confusion.

Dr. Welsh spoke. "Lisa, my sister, says that one of the ways her depression manifests is as a powerful shapeless emotion - an intensity - looking for something to latch onto to give it form. It lurks over her shoulder until the next time she fights with her best friend, or her boss chews her out, and then that event becomes a catastrophe to her. It's not all bad though - if it attaches to a piece of music or a book or TV show, she says she experiences that work of art much more strongly. She says she misses it when she's on antidepressants. She actually took a vacation from her meds when the final Harry Potter book came out, so that she could get the most out of reading it."

He added: "It wasn't a reckless choice: she'd had decades of experience with how her depression and her medication affected her. She didn't understand those things when she was twenty."

I rolled over and looked at him questioningly through slightly wet eyes. I didn't understand what he was getting at.

"Have you ever finished a book that you really loved and then felt hollow?" He asked. "The world, the characters were so engrossing that you never want to leave them? It's like coming down from a high."

"I guess," I sniffled.

"Maybe that's where Hailey was at," he went on. "Except her brain chemistry was amplifying it - the high and the low. From the sound of it, she didn't have anyone else - she needed those characters and that world. But then she reached the end and they were gone. More than that, if there was a tragic ending based on the decisions she made, then maybe it felt to her like it was her fault. Suicide is never just one thing, but that could be a hard loss to take."

I didn't say anything; I just buried my face in his chest.

I guess that's probably as much closure as I'll ever get with Hailey. Well, unless I put a bullet in Desmond Ingram's skull.

It's tearing me apart to see you like this
With your head in your hands, only a shadow of the person I miss
You're asking "How can I like this? Don't even like myself"
Asking "How can I be here? Wish I were somewhere else"
It's the one thing I didn't want this to be
No the one thing I didn't want this to be
-- Pretty From The Outside by The Weekend