CHAPTER – 12: Sisters Know Best!

Back at Kathy’s place, I put the coffee on and hit the shower. Dressing up, I went to the kitchen and found Kathy, dressed in her peignoir, with a cup of coffee. From the looks of her disheveled chestnut hair, I realized she must have gotten out of bed a short while ago. Filling a cup for myself, I joined her in the living room.

“Morning, Sis.”

With still sleepy eyes, she regarded me, before responding with a soft voice. “Morning. You were out?”

“Yeah. Jogging. Say, how important is the breakfast with Mom and Dad, this morning?”

“Your car is there, so I thought we would have breakfast with them, before you picked up your car.”

“Do they know what you were planning?”

“Nope. We need to be there early this afternoon for tea, and for dinner. That was the original plan. What’s up, Mitch?”

“Nothing, Kathy. Slight change of plans. Let’s have breakfast here. The car can wait.”

She perked up at the change of plans, but instead of coming up with questions, she decided to see what I was planning. I could tell she was excited, but trying to keep it under control. Giving her a kiss, I took her cup, which was still half full, and said, “Get your cute butt in the shower. In the meantime, I’ll get the breakfast ready. Time’s a wastin’.”

While her mouth was hanging open at the sudden turn of events, I walked to the little kitchen and started rummaging in the fridge to see what she had. Seeing she was still sitting there, I said, “Come on, Kathy. I know you like your eggs warm. Get movin’.”

Without a word, she left the living room, while I got busy setting the table and preparing the breakfast. I started a fresh batch of coffee, while waiting for the toast, then started on bacon and eggs. By the time she was back from her shower, dressed in jeans and a sweater, I was putting the bacon, eggs and toast on the plates. Like me, she had an appetite, and enjoyed a good breakfast. Sometimes, she had to be careful, as she had a tendency to put on a few pounds, especially when her studies took so much time that she didn’t exercise. But, she didn’t shy away from eating like some girls I had known. After we finished, I collected the plates and placed them in the sink. Filling up our cups, I picked up an ashtray and settled in the chair, lighting a cigarette. I could see she was getting impatient.

“You’re wondering what’s up?” I stated the obvious.

“That’s an interesting way to put it. What’s with all the cloak and dagger, Bro?”

Despite her words, and cool exterior, her brown eyes were alight with curiosity, barely hiding her excitement. I smiled inwardly, watching her trying to keep her excitement under control. I couldn’t help but wonder how formidable an adversary she would make if she had learned how to control her emotions. Still, she was more than I could handle at times. From a very early age, she had been a precocious child; her sharp mind surprising me at the most inopportune moments. As I thought about that, I was startled by another discovery. She hardly hid her emotions, but especially her love and affection towards the people she loved, and that included me. Even when we were engaged in a battle of wits, she didn’t try too hard to hide her love. On the other hand, I would try to keep a poker face, not to give away what I was up to; sometimes resorting to the use of any and all tools in my arsenal. After the training I had embarked upon so long ago, controlling my emotions had become something of a second nature. Still, she managed to break through my cool exterior, quite often, and I had let her, especially when the battle was about trivial issues. But, over the last several years, I had erected better defenses when she tried to probe me about my life and the past; I just wasn’t ready to talk about certain subjects.

With those thoughts, I decided to make an effort to be more open with her in the coming discussion. At least, it didn’t involve anything related to that summer, and I relaxed more. With a reassuring smile, I said, “No cloak and dagger, Kathy. If you don’t mind, I have some questions. I would appreciate if you keep this talk between us.”

Ignoring my words, she asked, “What’s on your mind, Mitch?”

“I’m curious about something we’ve not talked about much.”

“Like what?”

“My training. You haven’t said much about it through the years, but at times... I had the feeling you didn’t like what I was practicing.”

She thought about her answer for quite some time. I guess the subject must have come as a surprise, after so long. She also knew I had been and still was serious about my martial arts training.

“Why do you ask that, Mitch?”

“We know each other well. At least, we knew each other well when we were young. I’m curious about why you’ve felt the way you did, you do. Am I wrong in saying you didn’t like my training very much?”

“I never understood why you sought the training, why you felt the need.”

“I didn’t seek it. Initially, I came upon it by chance at a time when it looked useful. I found it helped. Later, I continued because I enjoyed it, and learned a lot.”

“You mean the bullies at school, when you were young?”

“You knew about them?” I asked, unable to hide my surprise at her question.

She nodded.

“What did you know?”

“Sometimes, one of them would catch you out of the school and tease you, then beat you up. I know you evaded them most of the time, but sometimes you were beaten. Then you met that Japanese guy and started to train with him. I didn’t know what you were doing, but I could see you were calmer, and not as scared. You were beaten a few more times until, one day, you paid one of the bullies back.”

Sheesh! She had never said a word.

“You knew all that, but you didn’t say anything.”

“I knew you felt humiliated. You would spend some time before coming home, so I knew you didn’t want to talk. We were close, but this was your private war. You were stubborn and proud. I didn’t want to lose you because of your pride. I got the feeling you didn’t want any interference. I didn’t want you to worry about who knew about it, like Dad, Mom or me. You had enough on your plate, without me or anybody piling more on top of it. You wanted to keep it a secret, so it stayed a secret.”

“I’m sorry, Sis. It must have been hard on you.”

“It wasn’t as tough as trying to keep Mom and Dad from discovering what was going on.”

“Jeeez! Sis! Why would you do that?”

“Several reasons. I was scared of losing you. I didn’t want you to blame me for telling on you. I was also scared that you wouldn’t be allowed to play outside. I knew you liked to do that, and I liked playing outside with you. You know how overprotective Mom was. She still is; that hasn’t changed,” she said with a strained smile.

With a laugh, I nodded. “Understatement of the year, Sis. What else?”

“I had seen how some of the other kids got it worse, when they complained about the bullies. I didn’t want things to get worse than they were for you. If Mom got involved, she would have raised hell, but I didn’t know if it would have solved the problems. It might have just made things worse, as it did for some of the kids. You had it easier than some others,” she said, her eyes moist.

“Kathy, it’s OK! You did the right thing. You know it was the right thing. Come on. We’re adults now, and we know how nasty kids can get. You should know that.”

“That doesn’t make it any easier. Even after so many years.”

“It’s all right, Kathy. It’s over. I survived. As you said, I was lucky.”

She nodded, trying to compose herself. When she calmed down, I asked, “What did you know of the pay back?”

“I was really surprised when I heard about it. I couldn’t believe you had beaten him. But, when I saw that nobody bothered you again, I realized it was true, after all. I was so happy; I wanted to jump up and down in joy. That prick got what was coming to him.”

“And you knew that what I had learned helped?”

“Yes. But, I expected you to stop. I didn’t see any reason why you would continue. I was also scared that you would turn into one of those pricks, with what you were learning.”

“Why? I never sought a fight with anybody.”

“I know. You were calm and controlled, but you were starting to change. You were reserved, and distant. You didn’t make friends easily. You had friends, but unlike other kids, you weren’t friends with many kids. You also started to spend more time with your instructor, practicing, instead of playing with other kids.”

“But I spent time playing with you, or with Mom in the kitchen, cooking, talking.”

“I know, but I didn’t understand why you devoted so much time to your training, instead of playing with other kids, doing fun things.”

“Did you ever think about how much I enjoyed practicing?”

“I could see that, especially with Tai Chi. You still practice that?”

“Yes, I do.”

“A few years later, when you moved on to other training, with the swords—I don’t know what it’s called—you didn’t enjoy it that much?”

“Kenjutsu. No, initially I didn’t enjoy it. Later, I got something out of it, but my heart wasn’t in it.”

“Why did you continue, Mitch? With something you didn’t enjoy?”

“It was necessary. I needed to learn about something. It served its purpose. But I get the feeling, you didn’t like to see me practicing Kenjutsu. Is that right? Why were you concerned? What bothered you about my Kenjutsu training?”

“Initially I didn’t think much about it. But when I came back—after the first year in boarding school—and saw you practice, I didn’t like it.”

“What do you mean, Kathy?”

“I had seen you practice Tai Chi. There’s a beauty, a grace in it. Have you ever seen yourself practice? If you have, then you know what I’m talking about it.”

I smiled at her comment. “Kathy, I know there is beauty and grace in it. I’ve watched my sensei when he practiced, and I feel it when I practice. But, there’s more to it than what you see from outside. You should realize that by now.”

“Yes. I believe so. But there was none of it in your sword practice. Well, not always. When you did that special meditation, and practiced... it was... scary.”

“The sword practice, with the special meditation... was scary?”

“Yes. When I asked, you explained that you were doing a special meditation, sinking into the depth... I didn’t like that. It scared me.”

“The Void,” I corrected her. “What was the difference? What didn’t you like, Kathy? Can you explain?”

She went quiet, thinking, trying to put what had bothered her into words.

“When you were practicing, it was smooth, but there were also flaws. I don’t know much about how it should be, but I could see there were issues, as if something was out of place or slightly out of alignment. It’s difficult to explain. I could see things that weren’t as graceful as your Tai Chi performances, as if you were faltering. Does that make sense?”

“Sure. It was imperfect. I wasn’t very good with Kenjutsu, although I made progress, and reached a level that I was comfortable with, and my sensei said as much. So?”

“That was when you were doing your normal practice. When you did your special meditation and started the practice... it was perfect, and it was scary. I was watching the same guy, but it wasn’t the same guy. It was as if... as if there was another person that looked like you had taken your place. There was an intensity that wasn’t there before. That wooden sword was like a big fan, sweeping the air in a blur, seeking, ready to destroy whatever dared to cross its path.”

She finished her description, very much agitated, her last words almost whispered, leaving me speechless by the strength of her emotions. I could feel and taste her fright like a physical thing. I was going to respond making light of her description, but one look at her face was enough to convince me that would be a mistake. Her hands were curled in a fist, the knuckles white.

“Kathy. Please, calm down. It was just practice. An advanced form of exercise. Nothing more,” I said softly.

“I remember you describing it as a place where no emotion or thought resided. Do you have any idea how that sounds?”

“I think I have an idea, Kathy. But you have to admit, you have no experience to compare with or judge what it is. You’re using conventions, things you know, to make comparisons and pass judgment on something that doesn’t fit into anything you’ve known before, or fit to any criteria that will make sense to you. There’s nothing in your experience that will allow you to understand or measure what you’re dealing with. It’s like trying to describe colors to a person who was born blind, and even that analogy falls short of describing the situation.”

She was quiet, trying to understand what I said, but the conventions she had known didn’t allow her wrap her mind around it. Well, I had experimented with it, and experienced it, and put it aside for so many years, because... because I hadn’t been sure how I could use it. I knew if I tried I could sink in the Void, and that knowledge was enough. I tried to explain again.

“Kathy, you’ve seen me do exercises to attain calm. That place is beyond that level of control. For what it’s worth, I haven’t practiced it much and put it aside some years ago.”

“Why is that, Mitchell?” she asked.

She was sharp and once again her aim was true, scoring a perfect bull’s eye.

“I guess I’m as bound and limited by conventions as you are. Because of my other training, I was willing to investigate it. To tell the truth, I was scared the first time I tried to sink in the Void, because I didn’t understand it. The next time, I understood what it was and wasn’t scared of it, but... well... I didn’t see any reason to practice it more. However, it has its uses. I know that. Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?”

“No, Mitch, I don’t. I’m scared. You picked up your sword yesterday... and are taking it with you. Are you going to practice that thing again?”

Her voice was thick with emotion, and I was racking my mind to find a way to explain and comfort her.

“Sis, you work in Emergency and see people come in with all sorts of things. They are scared, because they don’t know what’s wrong with them, or they think the worst. Right?”

She nodded. She was hanging on every word, her attention focused on what I was trying to tell her.

“But you know more than they do. Most of the time, you know what’s wrong with them and how it can be fixed, right?”

She nodded again.

“They might be scared, but are you?”

She shook her head no.

“Exactly. They trust you to fix their problem, because you have the skills, the knowledge, and experience. What’s more, with every passing day, your skill level is increasing with your knowledge and understanding. In short, you’re improving.”

She was quiet for a while, mulling what we talked in her mind.

“OK, Mitch. I understand what you’re saying. Because I don’t know and don’t understand what it is you’re dealing with, I’m scared. How do you know what you’re dealing with?”

“Ahh, Sis. You’re missing one crucial thing. You have your basic knowledge, and on top of all that, expertise on several subjects, and you keep on learning. What about me? My training was the same. And like you, there are times when I’m not sure about something, so I proceed with caution, but unlike you, I’m not putting anybody at risk when I make a mistake. I don’t even put myself at risk. Come on, Sis. You know me. The Control Freak!” I said with a smile.

That quip finally earned me a small laugh, but she was still apprehensive. When I looked askance, she shook her head.

I insisted. “Come on, Kathy. You were the one who wanted to talk. We are talking. Are you going to quit on me, now?”

“You don’t want to talk about... that,” she replied, pointedly.

“This is about what you said yesterday? Me, shutting people out?”

She nodded.

“And you’re thinking this is a result of my training? Especially that particular thing I learned?”

She nodded again.

“Kathy, I’m not ready to talk about some things, yet, but I can tell you this much: my training, especially the Void, has got nothing to do with it. I quit practicing it a long time before that... summer. That training has its uses, but shutting people out isn’t one of them. You have to take my word for it. I think you know me well enough to know that I’m telling you the truth.”

She nodded, then asked, “May I ask one question?”

“Only one?” I teased.

“Yes, Mitch. And I hope you can answer it,” she said with a reasonable tone, urging me to give it a serious consideration.

“No promises, but I’ll give it my best effort,” I replied in the same reasonable tone.

I took a drag from my cigarette, waiting for her question. Nothing could have prepared me for what was coming next—training or no training. It wasn’t a bombshell. It was the fucking A-Bomb! My clever sister was either very lucky, or she must have studied strategy better than I had.

“Does Dana know about your past?” she asked with dead calm. For all purposes, she could have been asking about the weather: “Isn’t it hot, today?”

I must say my reaction wasn’t elegant. The cigarette smoke got caught at the back of my throat, irritating it something terrible, and I had a coughing fit. When I managed to gather a semblance of control, I took a sip from my coffee, trying to sooth my burning throat. In the meantime, my sister was trying to hide her laughter (and not very hard, I must add).

You, little witch! I’ll get you for this!

For God’s sake, the shit she had pulled was incredible. No warning at all, and then... Slam dunk!

Before I could say a word, she came back, adding insult to injury. “If this is your best effort, Mitch, I better take a rain check.”

“You witch! You just earned a payback. I’ll get you for this.”

“It was worth it. Thank you for your elegant answer.”

“Kathy, that was below the belt. What did you do? Spend the whole night planning how to ask this question?” I retorted with an irritated tone.

“Come on, Mitch. You were closed up for a long time. Suddenly, you’re relaxed, almost happy. It turns out you’ve met a new girl who happens to be a flight attendant. You’re not walking around with a chip on your shoulder. Then, we sit and talk about something we never talked about. What pisses me off is that, you’ve talked about your past with some new girl, instead of talking with me.”

“Hold it there! Not one more word. This talk is over!” I said, sternly, before standing up.

I wasn’t really angry, but I was scared where the talk would lead. When Kathy started on the subject of why I would talk with Dana about my past (there had been no precedent), she could have easily stumbled upon what exactly happened during the flight.

Unless, she has it worked out already... she had the whole night to think about it.

That thought filled me with dread. I made my way to my room to pick up my jacket. I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to keep fending off Kathy.

Shit! Everything was going so nice. Why did you do that, Kathy?

I sat on the bed, examining my feelings. I hadn’t been angry about what she did. I was shocked, but now, I resented it. Mostly because she was going in a direction that would open a whole can of worms, and I wasn’t ready for it, yet, if ever.

“Mitch, I’m sorry.”

I looked up and saw her standing by the door, her arms crossed, with a sad and scared expression on her face. When I didn’t respond, she said, “Mitch, I’m sorry. Please, don’t do this. I didn’t know what I was doing.”

“Really? You didn’t know what you were doing? From where I stood, it didn’t look like that at all,” I replied, unable to keep the resentment from coloring my voice.

“I’m sorry, Mitch. We were just having fun, and it was too good an opportunity to pass up. I didn’t expect—” she replied with a small voice, before I cut her off.

“Not one more word, Kathy. You’re on probation. I mean it.”

At that her face fell, her eyes getting moist. She tried one more time. “I’m truly sorry, Mitchell. I’ll promise anything you want. Just don’t do this. Please? You know I keep my promises.”

She would never give a promise, unless... Oh, no! Come on, Kathy. I love you. I’m not going to shut you out, but...

I tried to calm myself. Then, with a tired sigh I said, “Kathy, I love you. I want to make you happy, but... you really don’t know when to stop. I’m at fault as much as you are. Please, tread a bit more carefully. I don’t want promises, but don’t take that as carte-blanche, OK? That’s not the Kathy I know. I want back that clever, scheming she-devil who drives me crazy; my Kathy.”

At that, she rushed at me and I was flattened on the bed, with her straddling me and painting my cheeks with kisses. Then she sat up, still straddling me and gave me an embarrassed and guilty look.

What, now?

“Out with it. Since I seem to be in a forgiving mood, out with it,” I said.

“I have a confession to make, but promise you’ll not hit the roof.”

“Kathy, you’re in no position, and you know that. I said I’m in a forgiving mood.”

“I hope you’ll not get angry with me when you hear this. It’s about this Saturday.”

“Go on.”

“It’s about, Sarah.”

Oh, brother! I hope it’s not what I think it is.

“Tell me you didn’t cook something with Sarah?”

She nodded apprehensively.

“God, Kathy! And how long were you going to keep it a secret?—Never mind that—What did you cook up this time?”

“Well... she doesn’t have a boyfriend... anymore. She had one, but she broke up.” She waited to see how I would react.

“Very cute, Kathy. She had a boyfriend, but not anymore. You think you can explain away what you said about Sarah, with this little detail?” I asked, amused at her antics.

“I learned it from you.”

“Kathy!” I warned her, reminding her of her current situation, but she wasn’t going to heed it.

“What!!! It’s the truth, and we both know it. You’re a master at it,” she retorted.

“OK. I’m not going to get into a discussion on this now. Go on. What else you’ve got planned?”

“Well... She’s interested in you.”

“You’re joking, right? This isn’t more babe and bombshell stuff?”

“I’m serious, Mitch. She came out with it. She had been asking about you now and then. I didn’t realize she had an interest in you. I mean, you said it yourself; it’s been five or six years since she saw you, so I never gave a thought.”

“But, when she expressed her interest, you turned her down, right?” I asked her in a sarcastic tone. We both knew what the score was on that point.

“In fact, I did.”

Seeing my skeptic look, she elaborated. “Sorry, Bro, but you haven’t been much fun lately, and she’s my best friend. I love you, but since you weren’t shopping for girlfriends, I thought it was the right thing to do.”

“Yes, it was. So you did everything you could?”

She gave me a pained look. “She insisted, and finally got me to tell her a bit about you. I didn’t tell her much, but—you know, some generalizations: how you kept busy with your work and had little time for romance.”

Seeing the disbelief on my face, she hurriedly added, “I swear, Mitch. I didn’t tell her anything. I had to say something. She’s my best friend, but you’re my brother.”

“Not even a little mention of a broken heart, maybe?”

“I didn’t say anything, although...”

“Although what, Kathy?”

“I kinda mentioned you had something going on a few years back, but that hadn’t worked out, and since then you had been too busy with your work.”

“Real nice job, Kathy,” I said, sarcastically.

“I thought so myself,” Kathy retorted, unabashed.

Seeing the irritated look on my face, she got defensive. “I didn’t say anything, Mitch. She might draw some conclusions, but I didn’t say anything. I needed to warn her a bit. Be honest, and tell me if I did anything wrong?”

“No... you did not. But... I don’t want you to make a habit of it. I told you before; I’m not shopping for girlfriends.”

“No, you’re not. Not anymore.”

“You’re incorrigible. Why am I putting up with you?”

“Because... I’m your sister... and, you love me to death?”

“Maybe I should forget about the love part and go straight to death,” I quipped.

“You don’t mean that!”

“No, I don’t. But sometimes... You know what I mean... So, is there more to this story?” I asked, directing us back to the subject.

“Well, after that little talk about you, she came out and asked if I would mind if she took a shot at you. That’s when I realized she was serious about it. I asked why she wanted to pursue you, and she told me she remembered you as a pleasant, quiet kid; a bit shy perhaps, but a nice kid. You’ve both known each other for a long time and she liked you then. She wants to see if there’s something. Compared to her current crop of boyfriends, she thinks you might be different.”

“You know, this is going to be a real pain in the neck. At least, with those sharks, I can ignore them. Sarah is... well, Sarah is different. She’s your best friend, and I’ve known her a long time. For God’s sake, Kathy... the things you get me into sometimes...”

“I’m sorry, Mitch, but whether I talked with her or not, she was probably going to find a way to get to see you.”

“Yeah... It seems she had something in her mind for a while.”

She had an amused look on her face and was trying hard not to laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

“Well, Bro. You seem to have a streak of luck lately. After a long drought, you have girls raining all over you.”

I grimaced at the thought. I had enough complications in my life.

Seeing my look, she said, “Oh, come on, Mitch; be happy! You need some happiness. Don’t tell me, you’re still hung up on...”

Her voice faded, as she noticed how I tensed up.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry,” she said, with an apologetic tone.

Getting off me, she allowed me to stand up. Changing the subject swiftly, she asked, “So what’s the plan, Bro? Do we go and get your car?”

“Yeah. We better do that. I don’t want to be late for the afternoon.”

She moved in and hugged me, while softly whispering, “Thank you. Seeing you happy, I keep forgetting... things. I love you and I’ll be more careful.”

I hugged her back, rocking her, kissing the top of her head. It had been a long time since we’d been this close.

“Do you think Mom suspects anything?” I asked.

“Well, she’s sharp, but she won’t grill you. Not after last year.”

“What do you mean?”

“She was scared of losing you. After that big argument, she realized she was running the risk of pushing you away. You know, Dad never got involved in things like that, and always kept quiet. A year ago that changed. He was also worried, but when Mom heard the latest escalation, she was close to panic, and he had to do something. However it was mostly because of Mom, to calm her down.”

“He had to— what do you mean?”

“Dad knew if they kept putting pressure on you, they might lose you. You know how Dad is. He keeps his thoughts to himself, and doesn’t talk much, unless it becomes necessary. Last year it was bad. He believed you’d take care of yourself, even though he was worried. But, when they heard the news of the attack, for the first time he looked scared; really scared that something might happen to you. When Mom panicked, he knew he had to do something. That’s why he was hard on you. When you gave them the cold shoulder, especially to Mom, he backed away, and tried to talk with Mom.”

“And?” I prompted.

Kathy didn’t respond, perhaps expecting an explanation, but I didn’t want to get into it. For three long years, I had to endure every week the constant arguments and pressure, and last year it had come to a boiling point; Dad had almost given me an ultimatum. But, I had reached my limit. I had been ready to snap. Everybody has a limit, and they should have realized it long time ago. I had come too close to cutting loose! But, filial piety wasn’t something I could turn my back on—easily. Unfortunately, what they hadn’t realized was, it had been a choice between self preservation and respecting their wishes. The work had been the only thing driving me, and if I had given that up... So, I had done the next best thing; I had given them the cold shoulder, ignoring them.

How could I explain what I had felt at the time? If something happened, if it was in the cards, yes, I might have gotten killed, but it had been a low probability, and still was a low probability. If I had left and came home, I would have died a slow death, piece by piece. Which one was worse? I knew I didn’t have a death wish, and I had always been careful. I just had no interest in giving up the last thing that drove me... that kept me breathing one more day. How could I give up my work? And for what? For a little bit of risk? People still lived and worked there!

How can I explain that? How can I make them or Kathy understand? I can’t! I can’t even talk about it, because it would hurt them.

I’ve never felt so abandoned in my life before, by the people who were supposed to support me.

I wish... you could understand how lonely it had felt, Kathy...

I didn’t want to dwell on the thoughts, because I didn’t want to feel resentment. I waited patiently while trying to calm myself. I didn’t know if she saw something in my face or thought better of it, because she decided to continue with what she was saying.

“After the talk with Dad, Mom realized if she insisted too much she might push you away. You never gave her the cold shoulder before. Before that, you usually got irritated, but tried to grin and bear it. And she realized it. She knows she’s still overly protective and she can’t help that. We both know how she’s when it comes to her kids, but last year, you scared her.”

“I see. And now?”

“She’s kinda accepted the situation. Well, she knows you have a mind of your own and there’s very little she can do about it. She’s just worried about what could happen there. It’s not the work, Mitch; it’s the place.”

“Kathy, it’s not that bad. You know me. I’m cautious. Nothing’s going to happen,” I replied with confidence, trying to reassure her.

“You don’t know that, Mitch. You can’t kno—”

“Kathy, don’t. Please?”

She gave a resigned sigh, but tightened her arms around me, letting me know how she felt. I rocked her, returning her hug, and whispering, “It will be all right, Sis. It will be all right.”

When she calmed down, she looked up and said, “Anyways, she might probe gently, but she won’t grill you. On the other hand, she might grill me.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know, Mitch. I don’t want to get her hopes up. If she thinks you’re involved with a girl, she might think you’ll leave that place. I know it’s too early for that, and you’re not ready to leave that place... are you?”

“No, I’m not. In a way I enjoy the place, but especially the work. I really do enjoy my work, and you know there’s been very little I enjoyed lately,” I replied, encouraged by her response.

“I think, I understand. You wouldn’t enjoy doing something else, would you?”

I shook my head.

I’m sorry, Sis. I should have given you more credit. Thank you. You don’t know how much that meant.

Brushing my cheek, she said, “It’s OK! I’ll handle, Mom. I want her happy, but I’m not going to get her hopes up. She needs a bit of good news to get her spirits up.”

That reminded me what she had done years ago, about the school bullies. I couldn’t respond; I had a lump forming at the back of my throat. I gave her a fierce hug, trying to make her understand how I felt.

“It’s all right, Mitch. You do your best, and hurry home,” she whispered.

I was still thinking of what she had said, about not getting Mom’s hopes up. I wasn’t ready yet, but maybe it was time to have a chat with her. I mulled it over, and even though I didn’t know when I would feel ready, or how things would work out, I had to have a talk with, Mom. It felt right, in some inexplicable way. I didn’t want Kathy caught between me and Mom. This was about me and I needed to deal with it.

“Mitch, what are you thinking?”

“I... I was thinking about, Mom. I’ll have a talk with her, Kathy. It’s been too long we had a talk. I think it’s time.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“I don’t know, but it seems the right thing to do.”

“Mitch, don’t rush into it. You’re her first born, and... Well, you know how mothers are, with their first born.”

She had a point there. Before I could say anything, she continued. “Let me probe first, while you’re at the garage. I’ll let you know how it went, and if you still want to, you can have a talk with her on Sunday.”

“Uh... OK, Sis. You know best.”

“Sisters always know best,” she quipped.

“They do not!”

At that, we were laughing, the tension of the moment dissipating. Once we caught our breath, we decided we had wasted enough time already and went about starting on our respective agendas for the day.

 

. . . . .

 

Back at my parent’s place, we chatted for a short while, before I got busy with my car. After checking the oil and tire pressures, I checked the battery and found it weak. I had had the battery disconnected, since the car wasn’t going to be used for almost a month, when I was away from home, working.

I should have put it on the charger yesterday.

Luckily, it wasn’t as bad as I thought, and when I made the connections, I managed to start the car. I would know if it charged properly or if it was dying by the time I got to the garage. On the other hand, the engine was purring like a cat. It was time to hit the road and see how things went.

The ride to the garage was uneventful. Because it was almost time for a major service, I decided to get it done instead of the minor service. I might do some miles this vacation and I wanted it in tip-top condition. A couple of hours later, it was ready and with a mechanic we took it out for a spin to see if there was anything else. During the short ride I remembered I would drive at a lower altitude—we were currently at 800 meters above sea level, and that made quite a bit of difference in regards to fuel and air mixture, despite the electronic controls—and the last time I was by the coastline I had little problems. I mentioned it to the mechanic, and he drove us back to the garage to make the necessary adjustments, while explaining what and how he was doing the adjustment, referring to the display screen of the electronic gizmo he attached to the exhaust pipe. He warned me I might have a bit higher rpms while the engine was idle, and I would do less miles per liter at our current altitude, especially driving in city traffic, but it would improve once I hit the lower altitudes. He assured me I would have a really smooth performance when I was driving long distances on the highways. Satisfied with the service, I paid. One of the guys got the car quickly vacuumed and washed, courtesy of the garage—since I was pretty regular there—while I had a cup of coffee with the owner.

He asked why I always stayed around when the car was being serviced. I told him that most of the time the car was being serviced by a different mechanic, who might not be familiar with its history or problems. I also enjoyed watching and learning what they were doing and how they were doing it. He didn’t take offense at my explanation, and suggested I should give him a call and make an appointment so that he could assign a particular mechanic. I had always dropped by without an appointment and sometimes I had to wait for a while, before they got to my car. The offer suited me. I got the impression the owner was trying to convince me they were doing a good job, and wanted to keep me as a regular, and valued customer. I hadn’t had any problems with them and decided to take him up on his offer. I made a tentative appointment for two months later—on my next off-duty time—which I would confirm with him a few days prior to the actual date. During the ride back home, I was satisfied with what they had done and was looking forward to enjoying a good drive along the coastline.

I arrived home long before tea time. Dad was taking his afternoon nap, and would be up shortly. Mom and Sis were in the kitchen. So, I pulled up a chair and joined them. I could see Mom was looking more relaxed, perhaps happy, and I got the feeling Sis had something to do with that. When Mom got busy preparing tea, Kathy and I exchanged a quick glance, and she confirmed my suspicions. When Mom joined us, she knew something was up, and she figured I knew that she knew. She didn’t say anything, but her eyes were smiling. I asked her if she wanted me to help her with tonight’s cooking. She got a bit emotional and replied she’d like that very much. I could see Kathy was getting teary eyed as well, so deciding to break the mood, I asked Mom when Dad was getting up. Mom stood up, saying she would check on him, leaving Kathy and me alone in the kitchen. I turned to Kathy, to ask how Mom was doing, but she beat me to it.

“She’s happy, Mitch. We talked a little bit, but she didn’t even ask me for details. She saw the changes, and that was enough. She suspected you were getting involved with somebody and she figured it must have been something recent. She knows it’s too early, but she’s happy. Mostly because you seem to be doing better than before. Helping with the cooking was great touch, Bro. I couldn’t have figured out something better than that.”

“What about that place, my work?”

“We didn’t talk about it and I got the feeling she knows it’s too early. She might be everything, but she’s realistic. As they say: ‘There is a light at the end of the tunnel’.”

“Yeah. I guess there is, after all,” I replied quietly.

Putting her hand on top of mine, Kathy said, “It’s going to be good, Mitch. I could feel it.”

I wished I was as sure as Kathy was, but I knew I had to start somewhere and thinking dark thoughts did not help.

The rest of the afternoon and the evening were great. I still enjoyed cooking as much I did when I was younger, and Mom and I had a great time discussing spices and ingredients—talking about various recipes. She accused me of being heavy handed with spices, especially the basil, parsley, thyme and my favorite, oregano. I told her she used too much garlic and onions. The dinner was a cheerful event, helped along by my dad’s dry humor, teasing Mom and me about our lack of skills in the kitchen—coming from a person who couldn’t boil water if his life depended on it, and we teased him back mercilessly. However, that wasn’t true. He didn’t know much about cooking, but he knew how to cook a mean Hungarian Goulash, as Kathy reminded us, coming to Dad’s defense. For a while it was sons and mothers versus dads and daughters. Eventually it quieted down, as nobody wanted to eat cold food.

After dinner, Dad asked what we wanted to watch, listing several movies on video. He was a movie buff, well, not exactly; he was a cinema historian, and knew a lot. I had developed a taste for movies early on, but as I reached my teenage years, it became apparent that I didn’t share his love for certain genres; movies like the Bicycle Thieves and many others. On the other hand, we both enjoyed the classics in various genres like musicals, comedies, a few westerns and war movies. And, he certainly didn’t share my interest in what he called Pop-Corn entertainment; the new Hollywood products filled to the brim with special effects or other gimmicks. He acknowledged the fact that new technologies were emerging in film making, and as such he welcomed the developments, but he maintained that movies were about telling a story, or about having a message, and in his own words, “As long as they are reasonable about it, technology is good, but movies aren’t about the technology; the technology should help tell the story better.” That was a point of discussion we never agreed, because I saw a place for pure, escapist entertainment, as well as the movies with a message, while he was unwilling to consider the first kind as anything but a real movie. In the end, we agreed to disagree on the subject. To tell the truth I wasn’t inclined to get into a prolonged discussion on the subject, because he knew more than I did, and adding his knowledge in history, politics, languages, literature, and arts, he had a formidable arsenal at his disposal that he drew freely to make his point. I knew I was being stubborn on this issue, so he let it go at that, instead of trying to convince me. Perhaps, that might be one reason why I had chosen engineering, instead of following in his footsteps, not wanting to compete with him or live under his shadow, even though I shared a love of literature, and some of the arts, and to some extent history. On the other hand, my interests had always been in science and math, and technology, because I felt more comfortable with something that was tangible, whereas most of the arts, including the literature, had an abstract feel to it that I had some difficulties to deal with.

As I thought about our differences, I caught Mom and Sis voice their votes. They wanted to watch On the Town, a musical. Dad and I wanted to watch Casablanca even though everyone had seen both of the movies several times over the years. Well, since both of the ladies wanted the same movie, and the votes were divided half-half, the choice was going to be what they wanted. Dad and I shared a look, and he let out a harrumph, muttering “women,” and resignedly selected On the Town.

Just then, Kathy piped up, “I changed my mind. Casablanca,” earning herself a quizzical look from Mom.

Dad and I were happy with that choice, until I caught sight of Kathy. She had a small smile on her lips with a curious twinkle in her eyes. Remembering what Casablanca was about, I got an uneasy feeling. Was Kathy figuring out more stuff, or did she just want to see how I would react to the movie? By voting for Casablanca, had I given her more hints? I knew when I watched a good movie I really got into it. When I was young, Mom used to comment how I immersed myself in a movie, and I knew I revealed more about myself than I was aware of.

Sorry, Kathy. No freebies for you tonight. It’s too early and I’m not ready yet. Nice try, though. I’ll give you that.

“Sorry, Dad. I changed my mind also. I vote for On the Town. Mom has the right idea.”

The situation changed, suddenly. The votes were still divided, equally, but now, it came to pulling rank among women and as such, it was Mom’s choice. Dad, of course, didn’t understand why I changed my mind, so he teased me trying to change my mind. “I thought you knew a good movie from an average movie, Son.”

I shrugged my shoulders and responded with, “I feel like a musical, Dad. Sorry.”

Mom, however, saw the looks Kathy was giving me, and caught on to the byplay between us. She realized a private war was going on. She just didn’t know what it involved. What’s more, she was suspicious, why Kathy would change her vote, agreeing with my choice, instead of trying to vote against me; especially if this was a private war. Kathy knew she had lost her chance, and when I gave her a smug smile, she shrugged it off. We both knew she was still ahead of me in this game, but I could see, she really didn’t want to miss this opportunity.

So, you just wanted to watch me and see how I would react?

That was good to know. If she was planning to see how I would react to the movie, she probably hadn’t stumbled on everything, yet. It was a comforting thought, but as with all assumptions, it was dangerous. I knew I wasn’t in the clear, yet. With Kathy, I never was, I thought ruefully.

Mom was still paying attention and she saw Kathy’s shrug. She knew something was definitely up. Looking at Kathy, I nodded in Mom’s direction. When she peeked at Mom, she got a sharp stare that said, “What are you up to?”

Kathy tried a “Who? Me?” but she couldn’t pull it off. Mom seemed annoyed with her.

Way to go, Sis. You try too hard. Enjoy the hot water and good luck with Mom.

The rest of the night was uneventful. On the way back to Kathy’s place, we both took our own cars.

 

* * * * *

 

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