Memories

by Janice

They say that behind every mature woman who now lusts after little girls lies a little girl who was lusted after by women herself, and so it is in my case. So I thought it would be a nice idea, and perhaps one that readers would enjoy, to recount some of my earliest memories of being used by older girls and women.

I grew up in an old industrial city in England at a time when kids were actively encouraged by their parents to 'get out of the house' and make their own enjoyment in fields and parks. Older girls would be put in charge of the little ones, and we'd often be gone all day.

We'd often go to the park, and I remember standing watching the older girls on the swings and seeing their knickers as they swung high and their dresses blew right up. There was just one toilet in the park, right by the gates, and I remember once being desperate to go and wandering off from the swings. The toilet was just a little building with Ladies and Gents back to back, and the ladies had just one cubicle, but at that age I wasn't sure which was which, and as I was standing there one day a woman came up to me and asked did I want to go, and I said yes, so she took my hand and led me inside. She was a big fat woman with frizzy hair and glasses, and she was wearing a big loose dress and sandals. In the cubicle she told me to lift my dress and pull my knickers down and then she lifted me onto the seat and told me to go pee, which I did. There was no paper in toilets in those days, and even if there had been it would have got pinched. The woman bent right down to watch me pee, and when I'd done she told me to get off the pan and turn round and bend over, and I felt her wipe me with the hem of her dress and I felt her fingers slide along my little slit and touch my bottom hole. I can recall shivering at her touch and not knowing why.

When I'd pulled my knickers up she said that she needed to go now, and she hoisted her dress up and pulled her knickers down which were huge.....ladies wore what were called directoire knickers in those days...big satin garments with legs almost down to their knees. She pulled them right down below her knees and spread her big fat white legs and thighs with her pale coloured stockings and heavy white suspenders fastening them. The cubicle was only small and I was standing almost touching her knees.

She didn't start peeing straight away but bent forward and leaned down to examine the crotch of her knickers, and of course I was standing within touching distance of it.

'Smell my knickers', she told me, and reached over and pulled my head down between her thighs to the smelly knicker crotch she was exposing. It was disgustingly dirty with congealed yellowy piss stains and a big brown poo smear too. She laughed and then leaned back and started to pee with such force that it sounded like an old horse I'd seen peeing in a field. As she peed she had both hands down between her legs pulling herself open and I can remember being astounded at the huge mass of frizzy gingery hair she had down there.

When she stopped peeing she began to rub herself between her legs, saying 'Come closer love, watch me, watch me'. I bent down and tried to see what she was rubbing but couldn't see anything, then with a big moan she shuddered and did a big fart and stopped, grinning at me. 'Did you like that lovey?', she asked. 'Yes missis', I answered. 'Well, we'll do it again won't we', and so saying she pulled up her big knickers and opened the door and we went out into the sunlight. I don't think the big girls on the swings knew I'd been gone.

The next time I saw the woman was when I was playing in the sand-pit in the park. She walked up and stood looking, and waved her hand at me, then crooked her finger at me, meaning she wanted me to go to her. I got out of the sand-pit and went up to her. 'I'm going to the toilet, do you want to come lovey?', she asked. 'Yes missis', I said taking her hand.

We went to the toilet, but this time had to wait for someone to finish. Three young girls came out giggling. We went into the cubicle and the woman bolted the door. 'Take your dress off lovey, I want to look at you,' she said. So I did as she said. I still had on a white cotton liberty bodice and cotton knickers. 'These too', she whispered, fingering them. I was used to doing as adults told me, so I obeyed willingly, and stood there naked except for my shoes. 'You're very pretty', she said running her hands over my body. Then she stood up, pulled her dress right up and tucked it into her bra straps to keep it up, and slid her big knickers down to her ankles. Then she picked me up and held me between her legs. I could feel her wiry pubic hairs rubbing on my belly. Then she began to rub me over her big hairy wet cunt - but of course I didn't know the word cunt then or indeed why she should want to rub herself down there with me or anything else. She was groaning and I thought she was hurting herself, but soon she shuddered and shivered and I felt all wet over my lower body.

She put me down and said 'Get dressed quick'. Then she sat down and had another big horse piss, and we went out. I never saw her again. Some time later some girls told me she had been caught playing with little boys' willies and the police had taken her away. I can honestly remember thinking there was something wrong there. She could get away with touching little girls because we didn't have willies.

I would have been about 4 maybe when all this happened, and by the time the next thing I can remember took place I would probably be about 6. About fifteen minutes walk from our street down a lane was a wood where we used to go and play games. One of the games we played was of course hide and seek, and one afternoon I was determined not to be found and went right down to the far end of the wood and crawled in amongst some thick bushes where I lay still. I hadn't been there long when I heard female voices, and I thought 'oh damn, I've been found', but then I realised the voices were coming from deeper into the bushes, so I crawled quietly forward. And then, through the branches, I could see two ladies lying down in a sort of little nest with newspapers on the ground and a blanket to make it comfy. One was a lady older than my mummy, and the other was a younger woman who I recognised as a lady who worked with the horses at some stables we used to pass on our way to the woods.

The ladies had got most of their clothes off and were kissing and cuddling, and I remember feeling so excited and thinking it must be so wonderful to do what they were doing. Then, golly gosh, I saw them turn upside down, one on top of the other, with their heads between each others wide open thighs kissing and licking. They made such lovely noises I just knew they were making each other feel good. I could hear the younger woman begin to make quite loud noises, and the older one told her to 'keep the noise down'. Suddenly I sneezed, and they stopped what they were doing and the young woman who had been on top came straight towards me and grabbed me and pulled me into their 'nest'.

It was then that I realised that the older woman was one of the teachers at the secondary school on the high street, and she had her legs wide open and had a mass of very wet and sticky black pubic hair. 'You naughty girl, spying on us like that,' she said. 'I wasn't spying, honest, we were just playing hidey,' I replied. Looking at the younger woman's pubic area which was blonde and quite beautiful, I thought. 'She's a pretty little thing, isn't she Penny?', said the older woman. 'Take her clothes off so I can look at her better.' I didn't have much on, just a dress and knickers, and I was soon naked and being subject to a very close inspection by both ladies, who were still quite naked from the waist down.

'Sit down and open your legs, child', said the teacher. So I did, and the younger woman, Penny, began to touch me down there. Not roughly, very gently and nicely, sliding her fingers over my puffy outer labia, quiet hairless still, and along my slit, slowly opening me a little, and easing her finger inside me. 'Do you like that dearie?' asked Penny. 'OO yes miss', was my eager reply, and the older woman was just bending over to have a closer look when we heard kids shouting and poking about in the nearby bushes. 'Quick, get dressed', hissed the teacher, and I soon had my knickers and dress back on as I watched the ladies do the same with their knickers and skirts. 'Run along now, and make sure you don't tell anyone about this or you'll be in bad trouble', and I wriggled out the 'nest' and joined my friends in the game.

I never did tell anyone. I hugged the experience to myself, mostly because I had enjoyed it so much and I just knew those ladies were enjoying what they were doing to each other and I wanted to be like them.

The next significant thing in my journey towards lesbianism took place when I was between 8 and 9 and fell under the spell of Billie. It wasn't her real name, but she called herself Billie and insisted everyone else did. She was probably 18 or 19, and rumour had it that she had been raped whilst still a very young girl and had had a baby which had gone away to be adopted, but I didn't know for sure whether any of this was true. Anyway, as a result Billie hated all men, and she was such a big strong girl that she could beat many boys her own age in a fight and had a reputation amongst the teenage boys of the neighbourhood as someone to be avoided. Despite her name she wasn't mannish, she was a lovely looking young woman, dark haired and pretty faced, with a full bosom and a lovely shaped bottom, and she must have been 5'9" or 10" tall. All this I noticed with admiration. She had a little coterie of admirers who gathered round her at weekends and in the evenings, all girls ranging from my age to 16 or so.

I think conversations in the group were just about local stuff, occasionally 'girl things' like what a nuisance periods were and how to avoid boys groping you at school or in the pictures. Of course I couldn't contribute much to these conversations, but I listened intently and all the time wormed my way closer to Billie. I took to running errands for her, bringing her cigarettes and sweeties, anything at all to ingratiate myself and get her to notice me and pay me attention, which she began to do, and after a time she began to call me 'her right hand man', and I'd sit by her and press up close and I shall never forget how firm and warm she felt and how thrilling it was to be near her. One wet Wednesday afternoon there was only Billie and I turned up at our usual meeting place. It must have been Wednesday because Billie worked at a shop in town and Wednesdays were half day closing in those days.

I lit Billie a fag and we huddled out of the rain, and then she said, 'Want to come to our house? There's nobody there, they're all at work'. And so we went to her house, the first time I'd been there and the first ever time I had been alone with Billie. Her house was just like all the houses we lived in....streets and streets of small terraced houses with front doors opening straight onto the pavements.

She made us a cup of tea, and then suggested we went up to the bedroom she shared with her elder sister. There was just one double bed, and the room smelled of stale bedclothes and cheap cosmetics. There were stockings and knickers drying on lines stretched across the room, together with suspender belts, girdles and other items of lingerie I couldn't identify. Billie lay on the bed and pulled her dress up to her waist revealing a pair of frilly red knickers. 'Show us yours, Jan', she commanded, so I pulled my dress right up. Mine were just white cotton. 'Want to try mine on?', she asked, and had already begun wiggling hers down over her very curvy hips and thighs. I whipped my panties off quickly and took Billie's in my hand, and I felt as if I had touched an electric wire. I can't describe the feeling I got, my fingers tingled with excitement. 'Put 'em on then, you silly thing', laughed Billie, who was lounging back on the bed with her legs open and showing a really full bush of curly black pubic hair.

Billie's knickers were soft and warm, and just a tiny bit wet at the crotch, and were too big for me of course, but I had never felt so good in anything before. 'Take your dress off too', and as I did so she gathered some stockings and a suspender belt and had me sit on the bed so she could roll the stockings up my thin young legs and then fasten the belt round me. She bent down and dug some high heels out from under the bed, and then had me strand at the dressing table while she 'did' my face with makeup. 'MM, you look a right tasty little dish', she laughed, 'come here and give us a kiss!'

Billie's breath smelled of fags, but the touch of her soft full lips lit the fuse of my incipient lesbianism and was my first proper woman to woman kiss. I kissed her back fiercely and passionately, making up in enthusiasm what I lacked in expertise, gurgling 'I love you Billie, I love you' as we rolled on the bed. She took my hand and put it between her legs, into her mass of hair which was wet and warm and opened for me to feel soft gripping flesh. 'That's it....do it fast....harder......', and she squealed loudly as I made her cumm. It was the first time I had given anyone an orgasm, and I felt so pleased with myself.

Nothing else happened, and when I got home Mum found the traces of lipstick still on my lips and played hell, and made me tell her that Billie had put it on. I was admonished to 'Stay away from that girl, she's a bad influence', and it didn't seem too long afterwards that I learned Billie had 'Gone away', and joined the women's army!

It was about this time that I started piano lessons with Miss Myers. She lived in a nicer house a couple of streets away, semi-detached with a little front garden, and we thought her quite 'posh'. But her prices were reasonable and my mum decided it would be a good thing for me to learn the piano and become a little more 'ladylike' as she put it. Looking back there seems to be no doubt at all that Miss Myers was a lesbian. She lived with another woman, Nurse Greene, the local District Nurse, and there is now no doubt in my mind that both of them had a penchant for young girls.

I was a good pupil and practiced diligently, and Miss Myers became quite fond of me. She would sit alongside me on the double piano stool guiding my hands with hers and when I was playing her hand would caress my bare thigh. Her breasts were large and my arm and elbow always seemed to be touching them. I loved pressing up close to her, and always complemented her on her dress and her hair.

One evening. after my lesson, she asked if I wanted to sit with her on the settee and look at some magazines, and of course I said yes very eagerly. They weren't pornographic magazines by today's standards, just photographs of very pretty ladies in nice clothes and sometimes in their underwear. We were sitting very close and Miss Myers' perfume was very strong as she turned the pages. At a double page spread of very busty women in stockings and tightly laced corsets and very high heels, she paused. 'Aren't they lovely, dear?', she asked, her hand slipping under the magazine onto my thigh. 'How do they make you feel?'

'Excited, miss', I replied, 'like I want to be there with them touching them and kissing them'. Miss Myers became quite excited herself. 'Oh I'm so pleased Janet dear, I just knew I was right about you', and she leaned in and kissed my cheek, her hand sliding further up my thigh her long fingers down on the very warm flesh on the inside of my thigh quite close to my knickers. With her right hand she slid the magazine onto the coffee table in front of us leaving it open so I could still see the pictures. 'Where would you like to touch the pretty ladies, dear?', she asked provocatively. I giggled self-consciously, 'All over Miss, specially the tops of their legs and their bottoms and their bosoms'. Miss Myers' fingers grew instantly bolder and began touching my slit through my knickers. 'Do you like me touching your there, Janet?', she asked leaning close and kissing my cheek again. As I turned my head to whisper, 'Oh yes Miss', my young thighs opening for her exploring fingers, she kissed me softly on the mouth and I returned her kiss with all my might, whimpering a little in my excitement.

I was ten, coming on eleven, and I knew with a certainty that shuddered through my young body that THIS was what I wanted, to be loved by and to love a woman. Miss Myers was moaning with an abandon of her hitherto restrained passion, her arms round me pressing me to her ample breasts as she kissed me passionately. 'Oh my little darling, you angel, please may I look at you? Undress for me dear please, I want to feast my eyes on your prettiness.' I stood up in front of her and undressed quickly without embarrassment or shame....I wanted so much to show myself to her and to have her touch me all over. Soon I was standing naked except for my ankle socks and black patent shoes. My tiny titties were just beginning to show and I was getting a bit fuller around the hips and bottom.

'Oh my darling', shrieked my piano teacher, 'you are so beautiful I want to kiss you all over. May I do that Janet?' 'Oh yes please Miss', was my instant and eager reply. Miss Myers slipped off the settee onto her knees, 'Come and lie here darling, quickly'. I did as she asked, and as I lay stretched out before her she lowered her head and began to kiss and lick my body from my face, over my chest where she licked and sucked my little nipples till they got large and hard, then down over my tummy where she let out a moan of pure lust as she buried her face into my young and undeveloped pubic area. Her hands pressed my thighs open and I felt her tongue on my slit and I cried out with absolute delight and put my hand on her head. She stopped and raised her face, 'Is something wrong dear, shall I stop?'. 'Oh no Miss, please don't stop, please don't stop, it feels lovely'.

'Oh you divine child', she groaned hoarsely. 'Open your legs really wide for me darling, I want to put my tongue inside you', and with that she moved to the side a little to allow me to spread my thin young legs and from this more advantageous position she lowered her face to my young cunt and began to lick, kiss and suck. The feeling was excruciatingly wonderful and my senses swirled and swooned as I felt her tongue swipe over my lips before pushing between them and entering my pulsing little vagina. I was in a heaven I had never dreamt existed, and suddenly my body began to shiver and shake and I cried out in panic as the blood pounded in my head and I briefly lost consciousness as my darling piano teacher gave me my very first orgasm.

It was some time, I think, before I could speak. 'What happened, Miss?', I asked. 'Oh you sweet child, you had an orgasm darling', she whispered gently, slowly caressing my face and body. 'I think, perhaps, you had better get dressed. Here, let me help you'. Miss Myers literally had to dress me, I had no strength in my body at all, and she kissed and caressed me as she did so. She had pulled up her dress and I was standing between her stockinged thighs gazing into her eyes when the door opened and Nurse Greene came in. 'Darling!', she called, 'come and meet the little dear I was telling you about, she's one of us darling, and we can trust her not to tell a soul about our little secret, can't we Janet?'

As Nurse Greene came and sat down alongside Miss Myers, I answered the latter's question with straightforward honesty. 'Oh no, Miss, I won't tell anyone. I know ladies who love ladies have to be very careful!'. 'See what I mean, Cynthia', said Miss Myers to her friend, 'she's old beyond her years, and I've just given her a lovely big orgasm haven't I Janet?'

'Ohh yes Miss, it felt wonderful. When can I have another?' Nurse Greene laughed. 'Here child', she said, and she reached over and lifted my dress and pulled my panties down. Feeling into my slit she put her finger gently onto something that made me jump with pleasure. 'There sweetie, that's your clitoris. You can rub that yourself and give yourself an orgasm anytime you want one.', and so saying she too kissed me and went on, 'I think we had better get you home or Mummy will be worrying where you've got to. It's raining out and my cars outside, I'll run you round'. It was the first time I'd ever been in a motor car, and I got a goodnight kiss and another feel of my clitty. I felt so grown up!

My weekly piano lessons now became very rushed affairs, if they took place at all. I would rush into the house and embrace Miss Myers, lifting my face up for kisses and begging for an orgasm. I also took to calling round at other times during the week, and since I had to pass her house on my way to and from school this was not in any way suspicious. I ran errands and did odd jobs, and generally made myself useful, and my two elderly lovers doted on me. For Nurse Greene soon became my lover too. She was the more mannish of the two lesbians, but they often greeted me together on lessons nights, both of them in their lingerie and stockings, encouraging me to undress quickly and come and caress them. Oh, how I loved it! They must both have been in their fifties, but both had large soft breasts with big rubbery nipples and very hairy cunts. Their bottoms were fat and dimpled, but I adored how they wobbled and I loved kissing and feeling them.

And oh! How they smelled! Perfume, yes, but they also had a strong musky feminine smell that aroused me at the time and still lives with me. It was Nurse Greene, Cynthia to me now, who took my virginity on my twelfth birthday. I went round to their house after my birthday tea at home, wearing my new frilly dress and a little pair of pale blue nylon panties my mum had bought me, the first 'grown up' knickers I'd ever had. I lifted my dress and showed them to my two elderly lovers as soon as I entered, and they insisted I take my dress off and 'model' my panties for them, strutting around their living room like the precocious little tease I was becoming. They loved it, and I was passed between the two of them as they kissed and caressed my developing young body and they both insisted on giving me a special birthday 'thrill' as we now called orgasms.

I was lucky, even as a small child, that I could have and desired orgasm after orgasm. One was never enough, and still isn't. I have always been multi-orgasmic - the more I get, the more I want!! And on my twelfth birthday I had already had two 'thrills' when Cynthia said that she thought it was time for me to 'become a young lady' and that my virginity must be taken. I was overjoyed, and in fact had already asked her many times to remove what I thought of as a barrier to my obtaining full value from the 'thrills' my lovely ladies gave me. Despite being a lesbian and a lover of young flesh to boot, Cynthia was nevertheless a blunt northern District Nurse and, as I had often heard her comment she'd 'had my hands up most of the cunts in the village, male and female!!'. She said I ought to go up and lay on a bed, and Miss Myers, or Enid as I now knew her as, came too to hold me and kiss me. Cynthia took from her nurse's bag a long stainless steel vaginal probe, and as Enid kissed my mouth and slowly and loving fingered my clitoris, she expertly deflowered me. There was a sharp pain, but it was over so quickly I couldn't help but wonder what all the damn fuss was about, and straight away demanded a 'proper thrill'. Cynthia obliged with the aid of a cigar shaped metal object which penetrated my little vagina further than it had been entered before, and as she 'fucked' me Enid rubbed me, and I had the most glorious of birthday 'thrills'. I was in heaven!