When the Sox lost, life really sucked.
It wasn't the fact that they won or lost that was bad, but the penalties were so damn harsh.
Of course, living in New England, you had little choice in teams. Even a whisper made in jest that you were a Yankee fan could be hazardous to your health.
Everyone remembered what happened to Luigi Muni, a transplant frown the Bronx, who had been a fan of the Bombers since childbirth. There were rumors that Luigi was "connected" to the Gambino family. Nevertheless, police found Luigi's body with his prized autographed Yankees baseball and bat both painfully inserted into his rectum after the Yanks beat out the Sox in a four out of four shellacking in the divisional playoffs.
Fans in New England were not very forgiving.
Despite the local fans' legendary zeal, I think it was Tina that hated the Sox losing the most.
You see, Tina made a bet. In retrospect, it wasn't the smartest bet that she ever placed, and she now blames someone named Jose Cuervo for exerting undue influence over her decision making at the time. But some asshole impugned the honor of the Fenway team against New York, and she couldn't let the comment slide.
After all, regional pride was at stake!
Therefore, Tina made the bet. She now had to live with it.
Tina, like all New Englanders, had her pride, even if the Sox were in a slump. She had so much to win. She also had so much to lose, but she hadn't been thinking of that at the time.
At the end of each night during the regular season, she and her opponent would consult the standings. If both the Yankees and the Sox won or lost, nothing would happen. Otherwise, either Tina or the Yank's fan would pay a forfeit.
For the Yankee's fan, the forfeit was one thousand dollars in cash, in crisp new twenty-dollar bills. If Boston lost, the forfeit was Tina's virtue, to the tune of one sexual encounter per point that the opposing team scored against the Sox. The Yankee's fan chose the men that would receive Tina's services, and she had to pay her forfeit in full before 9AM the next morning.
At the time Tina Made the bet, she was thinking more about the one grand she'd make when the Sox won. Somehow, it didn't occur to her that she'd make that money only if the Sox won and the Yanks lost! Additionally, the bet was for the entire regular season. Either party could cancel the bet, but the agreement required a week's advance notice. During the next seven days, however, the party that cancelled had to pay double forfeits on the remaining games.
Now, the Red Sox were in a slump. Not only that, but they just lost to Toronto—fucking Toronto!—to the tune of nine points to four. Tina was going to have to fuck nine guys within the next fucking eight hours! Not to mention get her sleep, and somehow get to work by nine!
Of course, there were rules for Tina's forfeits. She was allowed to save time by doing more than one guy at once. The rules stated that the first got her pussy, the second got her ass, and the third would get her mouth. She also had to be "enthusiastically active" with every guy she was with, no matter whether it was one, two, or three guys.
Tina tried it with two guys, once. It was a fucking nightmare! Being an anal virgin, it was difficult getting the second cock up her ass, let alone while she had a guy pumping her pussy! Her attempt took her over two and a half hours, during which time, if she had been going one guy at a time, she could have done three or four guys at least. She would never believe those Internet porno videos that showed girls doing three or more guys at once ever again.
At least Tina had the money, right? Not quite. Although Tina earned three thousand dollars so far this year, that was after two months—eight fucking weeks! During that time, she had to take close to a hundred guys to bed, and in return, only received three grand in payment—a paltry thirty dollars a fuck! If she gave up now, she would have to pay double forfeits, which would be another nightmare, since the Sox were going up against the Yankees this week.
Yep, Tina thought, when the Sox lost, life really sucked.