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Copyright © 1999 Frenulum. All rights reserved.
“Yeah, yeah, come in already. Wait right there just a minute. So, Mort, we have an understanding now?... All right. Don’t screw me over again, Mort, or I gotta start bad mouthing you to the other... Ok, Mort, you’re a prince, sure sure. Don’t screw me over, prince.... Ok.... Ok.... Bye already, Mort. Sheesh, what a loser. You, girly, come here, stand right there, gimme a second to remember if I remembered my head this morning. Where’s the goddamn — here it is. So, girly, you want to be a model, right?”
“Yes, sir.”
“People back in South Dakota all told you how pretty you are, right? Pro’lly all you heard all through high school, right? Oh, she’s such a beauty, she could be a model, is that right?”
“I’m from Nebraska, sir, but I —”
“Yeah, yeah, South Dakota, Nebraska, whatever, all the same, crankin’ out fresh-faced leggy blondes like some kinda fact’ry, most of ’em end up right where you’re standing, girly. You eighteen?”
“Yes, sir, I —”
“Got a driver license, some kinda ID, shows you’re eighteen? ’Cause you look maybe sixteen-and-a-half, seventeen at a stretch, and I didn’t get where I got in this business by not being able to size up a chick at one glance. So?”
“Well, I —”
“Not even seventeen, or I’ll eat my hat, and I ain’t got a hat on accounta nobody wears hats anymore except punk kids who can’t even put ’em on frontwards, ya know what I mean?”
“I’ll be seventeen in just —”
“Yeah, yeah, ok, it don’t matter except you’re sixteen or more, which makes ya legal in certain respects that matter to me for various reasons, which I knew by lookin’ atcha anyways. Your family know you’re in the big bad city, kid? Your football hero boyfriend put you on the train? Or did you shake ’em off?”
“I didn’t shake —”
“Ah, never mind, it don’t matter one way or another. So, ya wanna show up on the cover of Vogue or somethin’, show all the folks back home ya made it in the big city, is that right?”
“I’m interested in doing any kind of —”
“Ya got headshots with ya? A portfolio? Pictures, Einstein, pictures.”
“No, I thought that my first —”
“Sure, sure, why should I get an easy one. Ok, hang your dress on the hook behind the door, let’s get a look atcha.”
“My — you want me to take my, my dress off?”
“Geeze oh Pete, I ain’t got enough headaches every day, now I got the world’s first shy model in my office. No, I don’t want you to take your dress off, girly, I want you bare-ass naked in the middle of the office in about thirty seconds so’s I can see if you’re bankable or just another pretty teenager from goddamn South Dakota. Hey, what’s with the blushing, just ’cause I said ass?”
“No, sir, I just —”
“Well, get a move on, prairie girl, I got other business to transact if you ain’t serious about a career after all.”
“Oh, but I am — I just wasn’t expecting —”
“Sure, sure, you got it all doped out already, you walk in my door, I have practically a heart attack when I see how beautiful you are, drop all my clients just so’s I can rep you, I’m dialin’ the phone and wipin’ drool off my chin at the same time, next thing you know you’re wearin’ some damn Cosmo gown with a neckline down to here, faggot makeup guys swarmin’ all over you, photo editor telling you how great you look and a short tubby photographer cooing now give me a little pout, please, dear — am I right? Of course I’m right.”
“But —”
“They are, you know, there ain’t a skinny camera jockey in the whole business, which I don’t figure, considering how much time they spend hauling shit around.”
“But —”
“But bullshit, it ain’t happened that way in a thousand years. So get with the bare-ass naked bit before we run outta time here. Let me tell you something about life, girly, you maybe didn’t hear in home-fucking-economics, ok? On the hook, on the door, right behind you, geeze what a intellect. It’s like this: most jobs, if you got high asp— high, what’s the word, aspersions, aspicions, you know, you got your eye on the big tomato in other words, well, sooner or later you’re gonna have to fuck somebody. Say for example you’re a actress in the movies, you can act all you want in some coked-up art student’s self-indulgent black-and-white piece of shit, and keep your knees together if you wanna. But, but, and this is where you gotta be payin’ attention so’s my meaning isn’t lost on ya, but if you wanna get a no-lines walk-on part as the bimbo hat-check girl in a fifteen-second nightclub scene in a major studio picture, you gotta fuck somebody. Would you for chrissake quit the blushing, is it I say fuck from time to time or is it you have some sort of hangup about being naked? ’Cause if it’s the former, then you better get used to it, and if it’s the latter, same story. Where was I?”
“You —”
“Yeah, yeah, so let’s say you’re a lawyer, god forbid any nice girl would ever stoop so low, you can be a lawyer all day long, puttin’ creeps back onna street or whatever, and never have to throw anybody a fuck. But if you want to be like a, like — whadjacallem — a —”
“Judge?”
“Partner, that’s it, you wanna be a partner, you gotta fuck the guy who makes partners out of ordinary cheap-shit lawyers. Hey, good tits. In this business, you gotta either have huge ones, in which case all you ever get are swimsuit jobs, or little ones, which the stylist can pad you up however they want for a particular job, so me, I always go for little ones. Or for another example you could wait tables all day long at Manny’s downstairs for quarter tips, and you and Manny’s schlong, if he has one which is doubtful, remain unacquainted. You want to work for sixty-bucks-a-table tips on the Avenue, then you fuck the maitre d’ before you even get a interview. Is this sinking in, girl genius?”
“Yes, but — but what do —”
“You see, in the modeling business — holy shit, what’s that all over your pussy?”
“I, I, I don’t know what you —”
“Christ on a fucking crutch, Dakota, ain’t you ever wore a bikini in your life? First thing you leave here today, grab yourself a razor and get rid of the peach fuzz. Geeze, picture you in the Lands End summer catalog with little blonde cunt hairs peeking out the crotch of your bathing suit. Where’d I put the goddamn Maalox? So anyways, this is the modeling business, am I right? And from what I just told you, can you figure out what you have to do if you have big plans in the modeling business?”
“Have s- s- sex with s- someone?”
“Geeze oh Pete, I got a Nice Nelly on my hands. Yes, prairie girl, ya gotta fuck somebody. Any idea how high you might have to reach before that becomes what we call in the world of business a Good Career Move?”
“Umm, cover girl?”
“HA! Ha ha! Listen to you, cover girl. Turn around, lemme see your ass. Hey, am I speaking French here? Three simple words: turn, a, round; it ain’t like I’m going to shoot you in the back. There, that didn’t hurt, did it. No, sweetie, I’ll tell you when you gotta fuck somebody in the modeling business. You gotta fuck somebody to make you a goddamn appointment with a photographer to get shots you can use to land work... That’s a sweet lookin’ ass, baby, the lingerie people are gonna love you. Ok, gimme a profile... Now turn and face me... In other words, Dakota, you ain’t naked for just one reason at the moment.”
“Oh, no, sir, I couldn’t — I mean not that you’re — I mean, I thought I could just —”
“I’m not sure I can make this any clearer, sweetie. There ain’t a job in town you can land without a agent — that’s me. There ain’t a agent in town that’ll make one phone call for you without pictures to flog, ’cause he don’t want a name as a smoke merchant, nobody’ll talk to him no more. Ya followin’ me? There ain’t one photographer in town that’ll do folio work without a kickback all nice and arranged with the agent — hey, that’s me again, surprise surprise. And there ain’t one agent in town, especially not in this office, which you may have noticed is just me and my trusty receptionist sidekick Leona, who’ll even introduce you to a photographer without you throw him a spectacular, mind blowing, end of the world fuck. So, baby — you got a name, anyways?”
“M-M-Melissa.”
“So, Missy, here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to close my eyes — am I going too fast for you, Missy?”
“N-n-no, sir.”
“I’m going to close my eyes, and I’m going to count to ten. It goes like this: one, two, three, and so on. They still teach this stuff in South Dakota?”
“Neb—”
“You’re still with me, aren’t you, I knew you weren’t as dim as most of ’em. Then, when I get to ten, I’m going to stop, and I’m going to be very, very quiet. Do you know what I’m going to listen for, Missy?”
“N-no, what?”
“I’m going to listen, this is after I get to ten, now, are you sure this is makin’ sense? I’m going to listen for one of two sounds, either I’ll hear the door closing with you on the outside of it, or I’ll hear that little noise my zipper makes when you pull it down. And that, prairie girl, is the starting gun for the spectacular fuck I already explained about to you, which I just know you was payin’ close attention. Ok, my eyes are closed, I ain’t peekin’, I promise. One. Two. Three. By the way, baby, you decide to leave, I’ll tell Leona to take you to the Port Authority, you shouldn’t walk there without somebody looks like a bulldog to scare the creeps away. Pro’lly best if you do, go back to school and make the boys horny trying to peek up your cheerleader skirt. Your folks’ll understand, most kids don’t have what it takes to make it in this town. Ok, three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Nine and a half. Ten... Well now. On the one hand, I ain’t heard the door, and on the other hand, I ain’t heard the zipper. So I’m sittin’ in my own office with my eyes closed with a naked girl who thinks she’s ready for a career but can’t make up her fuckin’ mind!”
“Oh, no, sir, it’s just that I don’t — I haven’t —”
“Well, lookie at you. At least you’re close to the zipper. Whatsa matter, girly, forget how to work ’em? You just pull that little tab there, and you don’t even gotta use your teeth like in the movies.”
“I’m — I never —”
“Never what, baby, oh geeze don’t tell me you’re a virgin, my heart couldn’t take it.”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“Mmm-hmm? What’s mmm-hmm? A cherry, don’t shit me now, you never filled a guy’s prescription in your whole life?”
“I was — my boyfriend and I wanted to wait for —”
“Leona! Leona!”
«Whaddaya want.»
“Leona, this chick’s another cherry.”
«What, you want I should bring you a pie crust?»
“Listen, smart ass, am I dreaming or is that three this week? Tell me I’m dreamin’, Leona.”
«Yeah, maybe three. I ain’t exactly keeping track, boss.»
“Criminently. Three in a week. Kid, one cherry a month is par for me. Two is remarkable, I go out with the guys, tell ’em I pop two in a month, they all give me shit like I’m makin’ it up. Something very funny is going on in this city, teenage virgins walkin’ around like it’s back in style or sump’n. You want some Maalox? Ok, lemme think here for a second... Ok, here’s the deal. Look, I’m a nice guy, right? I’m not some low life like some which I could mention names. You tellin’ me straight up you never got laid?”
“No, I —”
“Ever blow a guy?”
“No.”
“Cryin’ out loud, girly, you blush more than any ten chicks I ever seen. This football player of yours, you go parkin’ in his car, smooch around some, get him all hot, he never tells you nice and polite-like baby, it’s time for a little blow job or get lost?”
“No, he — I don’t —”
“What the fuck is going on in middle America, that’s what I’d like to know. Do you know, kid?”
“I think it’s perfectly —”
“Ok, ok, sure, sure, so anyway, like I said, I’m not some lowlife plays ‘I can’t hear the zipper’ games with cherry schoolgirls, you know what I mean? I mean if I’da known to begin with, I woulda skipped some of the jive.”
“Oh, sir, you mean I can —”
“Hold your horses, babyface, don’t be goin’ anywhere. You get your bare ass right back over here and plant your little knees right here.”
“I — I thought you said —”
“I said, prairie girl, I ain’t gonna play games with your head, and I di’n’t say but it’s true anyway that I am no longer expecting a spectacular, mind blowing, end of the world fuck, since how could you throw me such a fuck without having worked your way up to it. I’m a nice guy, like I been tellin’ ya, and I’m so nice I’m gonna let you practice with me, and I’ll even throw in a few pointers here and there.”
“But —”
“But the fact remains that you can either head for the bus or plant your knees right here like I said, and start right here, right now, being a professional model... Well, glorioski Sandy, look at that, the girl makes a decision. Look, baby, I’m such a nice guy, which it’s good you came to me and not some random Joe from the yellow pages, I will even fish out my own dick with my own hand and save you the trouble.”
“Aaaah!”
“Christ on a crutch, Dakota, you’s supposeta scream when I’m porkin’ ya, not just on accounta you see my dick. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with it, is there?”
“No, I just never thought — I mean I only felt —”
“Oh, sure, sure, you just never seen anything but some high school kid’s toy dick before. Well, nothin’ like startin’ at the top, baby, that’s what I always say. Ok, well — geeze, kid, you cold or some’n, you’re shakin’ all over.”
“No, I only feel — I’m a little sca—”
“So to get down to business, kid, use your tongue, get it good and wet all over. Come on, come on, it ain’t poison, it ain’t even dirty, just good ol’ dick. That’s right, come on, you can use a little more tongue there... There, now you’re gettin’ the hang of it. Good, good. Ok, move around some, lick it all over. Don’t skip any place... Yeah, good, oh yeah, that part there? You see this little whatchamacallit? That’s a real good place to lick, try just there for a minute... Ok, ok now, see how you got it nice an’ wet? Now open up your mouth and take a suck like on a popsicle. Jesus H. Christ, Dakota, either they make very small popsicles where you come from or your heart ain’t in this yet. Open up your mouth and stick my dick in it. That’s bet— hey, watch the teeth, kid! Suckin’ dick and bitin’ it off don’t exactly offer the same thrill to the guy whose dick it is, if you unnerstand me. There. Now the idea is not to just sit there with — are you cryin’? Are you cryin’? Oh for Pete’s fuckin’ sake, here, wipe your face.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to —”
“Prairie girl, let me tell ya something. Ya know what a model’s job is?”
“Well, to, um, you know, pose, and show off the fash—”
“A model’s job in one word, kiddo, is a model’s job is to follow instructions. You’re in the studio, dancin’ a little, fat little photographer swoopin’ around ya every which way, he’ll be sayin’ turn, smile, arch your back, pout, lift your hair, bend over, kiss the ketchup bottle like you haven’t ate in a year, whatever, the one thing he wants is you should just do what you’re told and not engage in any independent thought, which most models can’t to begin with, but if you can, don’t even think about it. Follow instructions, you hear what I’m sayin’ to ya?”
“I —”
“So, here’s a little professional examination, Dakota, to see if you’re ready for this line of work. Ready? Wipe the tears off, now, baby, you’re breakin’ my heart and it ain’t so strong to start with. Ok, ready? Question number one: suck my dick. You may pick up my dick and begin... That’s a girl... Ok, now you’re makin’ some progress. Now, while you got my dick in your mouth, do the same kinda stuff with your tongue as when you was just lickin’ me, only keep going up and down like you been for the last few minutes... Oh, yeah, girly, yeah, that’s the ticket, now you’re gettin’ into it kid. Yeah, keep that up, just like that. Hey, prairie girl, I forget, you got a name?”
“Mmm-Ffff-mm.”
“What?”
“Mma-Wfff-ah.”
“Yeah, yeah, I remember. Ok, so, look, Missy, see where I got my finger? I want you to move down my dick until your lips is touching my finger. You can do it, just take it easy, nice and slow, you’ll get there before you know it. Oh, good, very good, you’re startin’ to get the hang of this followin’ instructions business. Don’t stop lickin’, though, just ’cause your mouth is full, which if there’s no tongue action a guy might just as well be pumpin’ your cunt, if you know what I mean... Yeah, good, very nice... Keep suckin’ my dick, up and down, up and down, keep that sweet tongue goin’... Oh, yeah, that’s real good... Now in my role as your mentor here, I’ll point out that I been lettin’ you just take your time, get the hang of things, work out stuff on your own, am I right? And you’re doin’ just fine for a first time, let me tell you. Ok, Missy, give yourself a little break here, just go back to lickin’ that one spot I showed ya. Yeah, like that... Oh, yeah, nice, nice. Ok, now when you’re ready, get it back into your mouth, yeah, nice and deep — go deeper, girly, down to my finger, yeah, that’s right. Now just so’s you know, some guys might not be so patient as I am, might want a blow job that’s a little more vigorous, ya follow me? So what a guy like that might do is he might rest a hand behind your head like this, see, so as maybe to give you some hints about going how fast or how deep, right? So now you keep suckin’ and I’ll just rest my hand here, ok? And now maybe you can get the idea I might be thinkin’ you should go a little faster, right? Ya feel what I’m talkin’ about? Feels fine, am I right?”
“Mmm-mmm.”
“Of course I’m right. Now then some guys might even do something like puttin’ both hands on your head like this, see?, and wrapping ’em up in your nice soft hair, which sorta lets ’em pretty much decide exactly how your head moves, ya follow me? So then things could get really kinda exciting, like this.”
“Gg! gg! mgg! gg! gfg! gg!”
“Yeah, that’s a good way to learn to go even deeper. I like the way your eyes opened up there, Missy, a guy likes to look at the chick who’s blowin’ him, especially when she’s got such a pretty face as you. I want you should keep ’em open from now on, ya follow me? Keep lookin’ right at me.”
“Gmg! ggg! ghg! mfghg!”
“Yeah, this is what some guys like to do when they start to get close to cumming. They like to grab your hair and fuck you really deep in your soft, hot mouth, they like to watch your angel face, your model’s face with a big, fat cock sliding deep into your wide open mouth, like to see the tip of your little tongue peeking out when you lick, pull you down hard onto my hard cock, look down and see how hard your nipples are, watch your face, your hair flyin’, think about feedin’ you, how hard I’m gonna cum, look you right in the eye, gonna cum, gonna suck the cum right outta me, tiny sixteen year old virgin mouth so tight, so hot, such blue eyes, aaaaaahhhhhhh! Aaaahhhhhh. Aaaaaahhhhhh. Oh yeah, Missy, oh yeah, take it on your face, on your beautiful face, aaaahhhhh, aaaahhhhh, oh Jesus, right in the eye, oh, ohhhhhhhhhh.”
“Sphhtthht. Fppphht. Oh, god, what did you do to me?”
“Missy, baby, oh, baby, do you look hot. No! don’t touch it, let me look at you, you look so good with your face covered in cum, drippin’ off your ear, in your —”
“My eye, it stings, I need to get that stuff out, oh god, is it going to hurt my eye?”
“Missy, baby, relax, here, no, don’t wipe your face, I can get it out of your eye for you, just — hold still, I’ll get it — there, now blink a few times, yeah, how’s that, better? No, put your hands down, I wanna look at you just like this, girly. Oh, fuck, what a cum. I ain’t cum like that in a month, in a year, I kid you not. No, don’t touch it, let it drip, you look so hot baby I swear there ain’t a sexier sight in the whole damn city right now. Damn, I like the way you look with that soft blonde hair all full of cum and your —”
“You got that goop in my hair? Aaaaa, my hair! It takes me two hours to do my hair!”
“Missy, Missy, hey hey hey, knock it off, you’re just spreadin’ it around, hey, kid, relax. Relax. Hey, listen, I gotta tell ya, that was one hell of a blowjob for a cherry, I kid you not. Girly, you did just great, everything I told ya and then some, really, you were great, made me cum like a friggin’ fire plug. Whooo! gotta catch my breath a minute here. Babyface, you definitely got whatcha call a natch’ral talent for suckin’ dick, let me tell you. I ain’t had a blowjob that nice from some girls been suckin’ dick for years, I’m tellin’ you straight. Here, lemme scoop some of this — here, suck my finger. Whaddaya think, Missy, tastes delicious, don’t it?”
“I don’t —”
“Yeah, well, maybe it’s somethin’ you gotta get used ta, I wouldn’t know myself, not being a guy what eats a lotta jizz in the course of the day, which I guess is why I’m an agent and not a makeup guy. Well, I don’t mean because, you know, more like the other way around. Shit, I confuse myself sometimes. Here, kid, suck up this last little drop. Oo! gentle now, gentle, ya gotta learn that a dick what’s just came is kinda sensitive, ya gotta be real nice and easy for a minute or two after, before ya can start ta go to town again. Ok, Missy, grab a seat on the couch for a minute.”
“Could — may I please get dressed now?”
“Dressed? I don’t get — oh, yeah, I get it, I’m just a little slow. You was thinkin’, which I already told you wasn’t such a hot idea generally speaking, you was thinkin’ that maybe we had concluded this little interview session at the time I got my nut, and that you could maybe now walk away with a whatchacallit — re-something — with I mean a name of a guy you could go see to get some headshots and so on. Am I right, prairie girl?”
“I just want —”
“Girly, I’ll tell you what you want from now on, it saves you from havin’ to figure it out on your own and besides which that’s what agents are for. So to set your mind at rest and make everything real clear again, number one we ain’t done figurin’ out if you got the stuff it takes to be a professional model, although I gotta admit that a mouth like you got is gonna go a long way toward your career, number two bare-ass naked is still how I want you, and — shit, there was three things I was going to point out. I’ll think of it in a minute. So, on the couch already while I think. Shit. Anyways, do ya remember your lesson about a model’s job is followin’ instructions, remember what I said about that?”
“Yes, I —”
“Sure you do, you’re a smart girl, you got a head on your shoulders. Number three was gonna be somethin’ about following instructions, but I had a real smart way to say it and now it’s gone. Oh, well, it don’t matter, but anyways it’s instruction followin’ time now and I’m gonna be watchin’ how well ya do what I tell ya and how little I hafta repeat myself to get stuff done, ya follow me?”
“Oh, please, I —”
“So first, I want your head on the pillow at the end of the couch, I want your left leg up on the back of the couch, and I want your right foot on the floor, you got me? Don’t worry about all the jizz on your face, if you get some on my couch, it’s real leather, it washes up good. Cost me an arm and a leg for a damn piece of cow skin, you’d think somebody’d be tryin’ ta give it away after they sold the meat part, wouldn’tcha? I tell ya, kid, some businesses just don’t figure to my way of thinking. Like sheets, think about it, what’s a sheet anyways, a square piece of plain cotton, should cost maybe a buck fifty — well, there’s a hem, maybe two three bucks for labor — but what are they, like fifty sixty bucks for a set? It just don’t fuckin’ figure. But what’s a guy gonna do, you gotta have sheets, am I right? So, anyways, I see you’re makin’ some educational progress here today, doin’ all the right things like I asked ya, so listen up, now, I wancha to reach right down there and, real, real slow, as slow as you can, I wancha to just reach down with your fingers and open up that sweet little pussy of yours. Which I — no, no, no, I didn’t mean you had to reach slow, I meant open slow, on accounta I think one of the prettiest sights inna world is the way the little cunt lips on the inside kinda cling to each other until ya spread ’em apart. I tell ya straight, Dakota, if you could figure out a way to sell blushing, you’d be Bill fuckin’ Gates inside of a week, lookatcha turning pink from forehead to tits, I ain’t never seen the likes of it. What is it, kid, am I makin’ ya feel em-bare-assed?”
“N-n-nobody’s ever s-seen m-m—”
“Nobody’s ever seen your pussy since you were in diapers, right? Sheesh, I should call up that boyfriend of yours, give him a good talkin’ to about the responsibilities of American yout’. Remind me later. Well, anyways, kiddo, nothin’ to be turnin’ all pink for, all chicks got one, it ain’t like you’re some kinda freak or somethin’. Fact, you got a nice cute little puss, all sweet and pink, but ya gotta like I was saying before get a good bikini wax or shave yourself or whatever you wanna do to get rid of some of the fur, not that you got a lot, but it ain’t supposed to be growin’ except in a little line right over your clit, not in this business, or which you could go all bare if ya prefer it and not even keep the mohawk. Except it’s nice as kinda showing lookie here, I’m really blonde, ya know what I mean? So anyways, Dakota, ya keep distractin’ me, I want you should get back to givin’ me a little show like a good professional big time model, we’ll call it the Inside Missy’s Cunt show, and I’ll be the audience... Oh, yeah, so pretty. You look like you’re pretty juiced up there, kiddo, I bet suckin’ my dick was the hottest thing you ever done in your life, am I right?”
“I —”
“Yeah, made you horny as a little — as a — made you horny as hell, didn’t it, feelin’ my big stiff dick between your lips, right? I know it, all the chicks are like that, one taste and they start creamin’ their panties, let alone how worked up they get if I’m generous enough to feed ’em a load. Yeah, now rub around with your fingers, there, Missy, spread that nice cunt juice all over your snatch. Oh, yeah, that’s nice, that’s so pretty. Play with yourself for me. Yeah, like that, that’s good, get all wet and slippery. You notice, kid, the effect this is having on my dick, which is good ’cause it’s almost time for Act Two of the Inside Missy’s Cunt show, featuring this very dick right here.”
“Oh, please, don’t put it in me, please?”
“What? What?”
“Please don’t put your — your p-penis inside me.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, baby, babyface, did I just hear the don’t word? As in ‘she said no’ the don’t word?”
“Please, I’ll — I’ll — I’ll k-kiss and, and, suck it for you again, if you want. I’ve never — I — oh, please don’t make me do it.”
“Missy, you said ‘don’t’ to me. You said ‘no.’ Do you know what that means? Do you know what that means to me?”
“I — I don’t —”
“Missy, I keep tellin’ ya, but I think it’s goin’ in one ear and outcher ass, I am not no sleazeball agent like, it pains me to say it, half the guys in this business. Two thirds, even. I am a honorable man and a nice guy to boot, which I take my business seriously and respect my chicks at the same time. You listenin’ to me, Missy?”
“Yes, I —”
“So when ya say ‘no, no, don’t, don’t’ to a man of honor like myself, he backs right off, no matter what, even if I do have a hard-on like piece of fuckin’ re-bar from watchin’ ya play with that yummy little cooze. Ya follow me? So you say no, I say no, that’s the way it works here girly, not like some places where the guy would just jump in pretendin’ like he can’t hear ya or some shit. See what I mean? Besides the, um, legal difficulties I ain’t exactly beggin’ for, if ya follow me, right?”
“Oh, thank you, I —”
“But, but but but but, listen up, here, kid. Like I toldja before, this is a kind of a business where a fuck is the difference between you got a job and you don’t got a job, and so on. So we’re like back where we were a while ago, with you needin’ to make a decision about your career. You get dressed and go, that’s jake with me, I got a nice blowjob from a pretty girl, it don’t exactly ruin my day, ya know? But you gotta unnerstand, I’d hafta choose not to rep ya at that point, on accounta I don’t think you follow instructions as well as I like, and on accounta I don’t know if I send you out on a job, will ya do whatever it takes to do good. See, if I don’t know that you’re gonna do a good job, I don’t know if you’re gonna make your agent look good, which people won’t call me if they start thinking I ship second quality, and I got obligations to meet. Am I makin’ sense to you, prairie girl?”
“Yes.”
“What? I di’n’t hear ya, what?”
“Yes, I understand. No fuck, no job.”
“Hey, hey, you gettin’ angry with me, girly? You gettin’ snippy? Hey, remember I’m the guy that backs off the minute you say so, and anyways it ain’t like I’m the guy that makes the rules in this town, see what I mean? I mean, go anywhere, see if ya don’t get the same story, except I warn ya, there’s only so much luck you can have pickin’ agents, and maybe ya don’t want to push it, right? So you can talk nice to me and don’t cop no attitude, you hear me?”
“Yes.”
“So, I’m startin’ to not have so much patience with your career planning, Dakota. How’s about you either take a hike or get serious without too much more of my morning passin’ by... Well?”
“I’m thinking.”
“Ooooooooh, she’s thinking. Well while you’re thinkin’, I’m wasting my time.”
“All right.”
“What all right. All right you’ll make up your mind, or all right you made up your mind and you wanna be a model for the best agent in the city.”
“That.”
“Ok, then, girly, no more screwin’ around. First, I wasted a good hard-on jawin’ atcha, so figure out a way to get it back. Second, I wanna hear you, all on your own, ask me would I please fuck you, which I know you’ll wanna do to make up for askin’ me don’t, which hurt my feelings as well as makin’ me think I’d been explaining everything to ya for nothin’.”
“How — how do I make you, it, hard —”
“A nice blowjob usually works, but we did one of those and actually, I kinda get off watchin’ chicks work their own cooze, which is why I hadja doin’ it a minute ago, so hows about ya get back where ya were, nice and spread, now, and gimme a nice show to look at... No, no, look, ya gotta try to seem like you’re, you know, doin’ yourself — like you’re by yourself, gettin’ off, usin’ your fingers ’cause you’re dreamin’ of my dick but I ain’t slipped it to ya yet.”
“Like this?”
“Oh, yeah, baby, now you’re gettin’ into it, ain’tcha? I bet that feels good, don’t it, tell me how nice it is.”
“It feels... mmm, it feels good to touch — to, um —”
“Say the words, baby, don’t be shy with me, say pussy, let me hear ya talk real sexy to me now.”
“It... it feels so good to, to... to play with my pussy.”
“Oh, yeah, Missy, that’s what I mean, talk to me baby, talk to me, come on.”
“I’m rubbing my, my pussy and feeling it and it’s so nice, I love the —”
“Tell me how wet you are.”
“I get wet when I rub myself, when I play with my, my button, I feel all hot and juicy and I like to rub the wetness all over my pussy.”
“Use both hands, Missy, spread that cunt wide open for me.”
“Ohhh...”
“Yeah, babyface, I love watchin’ your finger whippin’ your clit like that, your —”
“Ahh! that feels — mmm!”
“Oh, yeah, you’re beautiful, baby, beautiful. Frig that clit... Christ are you a hot number, girly, look at you go, oh yeah you’re really turnin’ me on. You’ve done this a lot, ain’t you, baby? Oh, with the blushing again, listen, Missy, it’s perfectly normal, all chicks play with it — hell, if I had a pussy, I’d hafta make do with one hand for everything else. So, like I axed you, you must rub one out pretty reg’lar, am I right?”
“Y-yes. I do. I — every night, really — it feels —”
“Tell me how hot you’re gettin’, babyface.”
“Mmm, I’m so hot, so wet, I can’t believe you’re watching me and I’m doing this. Ohhh, mmmm.”
“Jeeze are you gettin’ wet, girly, it’s drippin’ down your ass, you’re gettin’ into this big time, aintcha?”
“My — oh, god — my pussy’s so slippery, I —”
“Ok, prairie girl, time to let a man take over. Let me hear ya ask me now, real nice, like I told ya.”
“Ohh, ohh. Go ahead, do it, I don’t care, just do it.”
“Say fuck.”
“Fuck me. Go ahead, fuck me, I’m so hot, fuck me.”
“I toldja you hadda ask nice.”
“Fuck me, please, please, put it in, I want you to, please?”
“Nicer. I ain’t slippin’ you the dick until I think you mean it and I —”
“Oh, god, please, please sir, fuck my pussy, fuck my, my, my cunt, put that hard dick in my wet, hot cunt and fuck me, please oh please sir, I’m begging you, fuck my virgin cunt, pop my cherry, give me your cock, please, sir, fuck me — ahh! —”
“Oh, baby, you are so tight, I can barely —”
“Ohh, sir, ohh, I can feel it, your dick is — Ooooh! slower! wait, oh god, I can’t — you’re so big, I never thought I — Aah, ow!, it hurts, let me — Owww! Owwwwww!”
“Here we go, Missy, say goodbye to it!”
“Owww, it won’t fit, you’re hurting — AAAAAH!”
“Oooh, baby, what a cunt, what a tight little cunt, I can hardly —”
“Don’t move, wait, wait, please —”
“Don’t move you’re telling me? Don’t move? Babyface, I feel like I’m trying to shove a canteloupe through a keyhole, you don’t have to tell me don’t move. No! No! Don’t squeeze down like that, you’ll pop me out, just when I’m tryin’ to get in.”
“It won’t fit, you’re too big, you’re going to tear me in half —”
“Shh, now, relax, we’ll take it slow, you need time to get used ta the feelin’ of my dick, which even sometimes a girl who's been around might need a minute to adapt, ya know what I mean, but don’t worry, we’ll get it all in there.”
“You’re too —”
“Baby, trust me, trust me, everything’ll be fine, relax, you’ll see, these parts were made to fit, trust me, I know what I’m doin’.”
“It hurts, wait, owww!”
“Oh, yeah, there we go, now I’m gettin’ some.”
“Oh god oh god oh god it’s too much, nnnggghh.”
“There, baby, there, look, look at it, see how much dick is in ya? I told you it’d fit, di’n’t I, look at it, half way home.”
“Oh my god, there’s so much more.”
“Yeah, just relax, I’ll do the hard part, gettin’ the rest up your cunt, jeeze you got a tight snapper, prairie girl, this is real work, I gotta take a break before my pump gives out.”
“Take it out, please, it hurts so —”
“Out, who you kiddin’, out? I ain’t even hit bottom on the first shove, I ain’t backing up just when it’s goin’ so well.”
“Please...”
“Here now, Missy, little bit at a time, take that —”
“Unnnggghh.”
“And that —”
“Uuuffffff!”
“And... ah, damn, it’s like fuckin’ a soda straw, Christ you’re amazing. I ain’t felt a cunt like yours since I was — well, maybe never, come to think of it. There! Now you got it. How’s that feel, babyface, got nine inches, prolly ten the way you had me all excited there, anyways nine inches of genuine grade-A cockmeat all the way up your snatch?”
“It still hurts. If you don’t move it’s ok but —”
“But baby, Missy, now it’s all in, there ain’t noplace to go but rock-and-roll, you unnerstand? Hey, don’t worry, you’ll get used to it, it’s natch’ral you’re a little sore, which you just got your cherry tore and everything.”
“Oh, god, I’m bleeding!”
“Let me — hey, not much, baby, it’s not bad, just a little smear, like I said all part of the natch’ral process, you know, miracles of nature and that kinda shit. You could practically be on that show, that Wild something show, shit, what was it, it was something else to do with South Dakota or wherever. Anyways a bunch of nature shit.”
“Oooh, ow, stop!”
“See, just easin’ it out a little bit, baby, relax, take it easy. See, no problem, am I right? Of course I’m right. And in... see, honey, not so bad the second time, feel that? Easier and easier. I’m just gonna fuck you a little bitty bit, ok babyface? See, just nice and easy. Little bit like this, in and out. Not so bad now, right? Am I right?”
“It’s... a little better. I don’t think you’re tearing me any more. It still hurts, though.”
“That’ll fade, sweetheart, relax and take it easy. Now don’t make your agent do all the work, that ain’t bein’ a good professional model.”
“I’m — you’re my agent?”
“Hey, Dakota, did I tell you I was a man of my word? Did I tell you I was a man of honor? Did I mention being one of the good guys?”
“Yes.”
“So you coöperate with me, you show me you can listen to my very reasonable instructions, I say to myself, hey, the kid has the guts to be a model, and she fucking well has the face and the body, this could work out real good. So yeah, I’m you’re agent, well, you gotta sign some shit, but not until we’re done fucking. Hey, was that a smile? Did I see you give me an actual genuine smile?”
“Yes. Oh, ah, that, um... that, ah, felt good.”
“Yeah, baby, that’s what it’s all about, told you it’d get better. Now you’re past the shock you’re gonna get a rapid education in how good it is to be fucked by a expert.”
“Oh god, you’re stuffing me.”
“Best of the best, babyface, best of the fuckin’ best. Like that?”
“Mmmmm.”
“Now we’re cookin’.”
“Ahhhh!”
“Ok, Missy, put a little into it yourself. Rock that pussy back up at me. Oh, sweet fucking Jesus that’s good. Yeah, oh, yeah, like that, work with me, oh fuck yeah, sweet, oh, Missy, that’s the way, yes, yes, holy fuck! Fuck, I thought you were some kinda talent with your mouth, turns out that’s not even half the picture. Oh, yeah, sweet little cunt, you’re tighter than a fuckin’ Chinese finger trap, I ain’t kiddin’.”
“Oh, oh, that — you’re making — it feels like when I play with — play with my pussy —”
“That’s what it’s all about, baby. Look, look down here where my dick goes in, watch, I’ll pull back real slow. See? See that, that’s like the inside of your cunt, ’cause it’s so tight on my dick I, like, keep turning you inside out and back again.”
“Oh, god.”
“And that rubs all the rest of your puss, and that rubs your clit, and bingo, y’know what I mean? Fuckin’ B, I, N, G, O.”
“Ahh. Ohhhh, that’s nice, oh, yes, I do like it, I do like sex, I do like fucking, oh god that feels good.”
“Here, Missy, swing your leg up like... this, yeah, on my shoulder. Now the other one.”
“Oh god, oh god, I’m so full of — of your penis.”
“Say cock, baby.”
“So full of your cock, god, I can hardly stand it, but it feels —”
“Just like heaven, I know, I know, what can I say, a man’s got the tools and the know-how he’s gonna make a lady happy. Which, you think about it, is a big part of my line of work.”
“Ah, oh, oh, ooooh, yes, oh, I’m —”
“Goin to town now, baby, how’s that? How’s this? You like the long strokes now, don’t you? You like the big time?”
“Ahh, ahh, ahhhhh, ahh!”
“Keep it movin’ baby, fuck me, fuck me, work that cunt, give it to me as good as your gettin’ it, OH, YES, that’s a girl, that’s a good girl now baby, oh, fuck!”
“Oh, oh, oh, yes, yes, it’s good, fuck me, fuck me, FUCK ME!!”
“Take it all!”
“Oh god, oh god, I feel it, it’s growing, I’m going to get it, it’s close —”
“You gonna cum, Missy? Is that it? Gonna cum?”
“I’m going to get it, going to... cum? I’m going to cum, I feel it, close, ahhhh, so close, ahhhhh —”
“Cum for me, baby, cum now, let me feel your tight cunt cumming around my cock.”
“Ahhhhhh, Ahhhhhhhhhh, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
“Yeah, baby, cum for me!”
“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhhhhh, ah, ahhh, ahhh, ahhhh, yes, ahhhh, oh god, oh god —”
“I felt that, baby, you really put the squeeze on.”
“Oh. Oh my. Oh my god. That. Was. So intense. Ohhhhhhhh.”
“Keep it goin’ baby, I’m close to it myself, that cunt of yours is so tight it can even make a stallion like me a short-timer.”
“Oh, that felt so good.”
“Fuck me, baby, fuck yes, here we go, any time now, yeah, yeah, here it is, here it is, Oh!”
“I can feel it! I can feel it inside me — I never dreamed...”
“Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, baby, baby, fillin’ you up, oh yesssssssssss. Yes. Ahhh. That’s it. That’s a way. Oh yeah. Oh boy.... Whew.... Well, prairie girl, I gotta admit somethin’ to ya.”
“What?”
“I gotta admit I was wrong, and let me tell you I’m not a guy what makes a lot of mistakes of this type, but I was wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, babyface, that that was a spectacular, mind blowing, end of the world fuck, which as I mentioned I had ceased to expect because of your standing as a rookie. But you delivered, Missy, you came through for me like a pro — man, with that mouth, and that cunt, and all that nach’ral talent, the fucking sky is gonna be the limit for your modeling career.”
“You — you liked... fucking me?”
“Sweetheart, baby, honey, like ain’t in the picture. Like didn’t leave the starting gate. Like is standing in the stalls with three lame feet. I’m in fucking balls-empty heaven, baby.”
“Thank you.”
“Hey, two smiles in one day, I’m startin’ ta think you’re maybe warmin’ up to me, which is only right, ’cause we’re gonna be workin’ real close as your career gets launched, and it’s important you feel comfortable with me as I make all of your decisions for you.”
“I never disliked you. I just was, you know, surprised — I didn’t know what to expect. And... I guess I never thought I’d lose my virginity to, well, you know, an old guy.”
“Old? Old! Oh, an arrow in my heart, prairie girl, a fuckin’ arrow straight to the heart. Old. I’ll be old in fifty years, honey, but right now I’m in the prime of life, and the way I figure is, as long as every couple days I’m stickin’ my dick into a teenage fashion model or two I’m stayin’ in the prime. Hey, why is it called prime of life, isn’t prime some kinda meat or something?”
“I don’t know. You’re funny.”
“Old and funny, great, I throw her an outstanding introductory fuck and I get nothin’ but disrespect. Well, here, prairie girl, I gotta get up, assuming that I’m strong enough to pull my cock outta that vise-grip pussy, and we got some business to transact.”
“Ohhh...”
“Yeah, the girls always moan when I pull it out, ’cause they’re broken hearted to see this dick go away. Don’t worry, baby, from time to time I’ll let you have another taste or two, which I know it’s the best dick you’ll ever have, I wouldn’t be so cruel as to show you the pearly gates and then say you can’t have no more.”
“I have some — there’s, um, stuff dripping, and some blood —”
“Yeah, you know what? There’s a bathroom right out in the front, door next to Leona’s desk, you go ahead and get cleaned up, take your panties — you got a, whatchacallit, you know, like feminine type pad thing, if you do that would be smart to wear one so you don’t get a stain or somethin’ — take your bra, your dress, go ahead and get dressed. I gotta make a phone call about putting you in front of a camera.”
“Oh, wow, thanks, thank you! Should — am I supposed to wait somewhere, or —”
“Just come back in when you’re all, you know, fresh.”
“Ok, I’ll be quick. Thanks!”
“Leona, get Sally on the phone, willya?”
«Sure.»
“And you prolly saw the kid headed for the bathroom, see if she needs some help with anything, you know, girl stuff, like gettin’ cum outta her hair or anything.”
«Yeah, what am I now, some kinda ladies’ maid?»
“Hey, smart-ass, treat this kid good. We’ve got a big fish on the line with this one.”
«No shit?»
“Hey, I know my product.”
«Hang on.... Ok, Sally’s on one.»
“Sally, how’s the best photographer in the City?... Completely sincere, baby, you could hear it in my voice I’m sure... No, not since maybe Labor Day, thereabouts.... I don’t, but I’ll ask around.... Sure, sure, for you no problem. Hey, reason I called... Ha! Always the kidder. No, straight up, reason I called is I got some talent you oughta see.... Well, yeah, I fucked her, but I fuck all my girls, and that don’t make me feel obligated, otherwise I’d be callin’ you up all the time, right?... No, listen, here’s the thing. The thing is, Sally, look, whatever you think of me you know I know my product, right? Of course right.... Thank you very much for that vote of confidence. Well the thing is, this kid I got now is The One.... Yeah, capital T, capital O, The One, like me and you have always talked about.... Ok, listen, remember Elle McPherson, sixteen years old, in Life magazine, dressed in two bandanas and one of ’em was on her head, remember those shots? Remember when you first saw her, what you thought?.... Exactly. Ex-fucking-zactly. Well listen, this new kid of mine, she makes Elle look like a cat’s fucking hairball.... No, she don’t know it, all she knows is people call her beautiful all the time, and she knows Hicksville North Dakota wasn’t gonna be no fun to spend her life in — she don’t know she’s the next fuckin’ hundred-million-dollar supermodel.... Yeah, I got paper on her, well, in a minute I will. So listen, Sally, this gold mine drops into my lap and I’m lookin’ forward to life as a very wealthy man on my tiny little twelve percent, and who do I call? I call you.... I’ll tell you straight, baby, it’s because you ain’t never screwed me over, which puts you in very select company, and because you take the best fuckin’ portraits I have ever seen. And that’s what I need right now, Sally, a killer portfolio: head shots, fashion, glamour, swimsuit, lingerie, some peek-a-boo shit where you can’t quite see her tits and pussy, you know, make the pervs on the Internet happy.... Well, whaddaya say, wanna get in on the ground floor of my elevator straight to the fucking top?.... Look, you’ll take one look at this chick, you’re gonna know everything I told you is straight.... Yes, you’re the best, Sally for fuck’s sake everything I tell you is on the level.... Ok, when?.... Got it. We’ll be there.... I can pay you by the session or I can cut you a fraction of a percent, we can talk it over when I see you, but you’re gonna take one look at this chick and you’ll go for the long-term deal in a fuckin’ heartbeat.... What?.... No, I can pretty much guarantee you she ain’t never ate any pussy. Tell you what, I can pretty much guarantee you that she don’t know pussy can be ate at all, and she sure as shit wouldn’t believe that chicks do it with other chicks.... I told you, fuckin’ Hicksville in the middle of the prairie somewheres.... Well, sure you can, goes without saying, just take the pictures first and get your rocks off with her later.... All right, we’ll be there. You’re gonna be so grateful to me you might turn straight just so’s you can thank me.... Ha, ha, ha! You too, Sally, same to you.... Bye.”
“Sir?”
“Hey, prairie girl, come in, come on in, we just got a little paperwork to do. Hey listen, I got you booked for a session on Monday morning.”
“A session? With a photographer, you mean?”
“Yeah, of course, lady named Sally, takes the best goddamn pichers in the whole city — you’re startin’ right at the top, prairie girl, best of the best like I been tellin’ you, best agent, best camera jock, you’re gonna be gettin’ the best gigs, goin’ to the best parties — this is the road to the top, honey, the fuckin’ big time.”
“Really?”
“Babyface, listen real hard. I do not fuck around when it comes to business. You think, after today, oh, maybe this guy’s just some sleaze who likes to fuck beautiful girls, maybe he don’t swing no actual weight. But I’m tellin’ ya, I’m the real deal, the real fuckin’ deal, and you’re gonna be that cover girl you been dreamin’ about, I abso-fucking-lutley promise you.”
“It’s... it’s just hard to believe... everything has happened so fast. I was home in Nebraska three days ago and —”
“Nebraska, yeah, that’s it, why can’t I make that stick in my head. Nebraska. Well, anyways, Missy, this here’s my standard contract. There’s about ten pages of legal shit that nobody can read, but to get right down to it what this says is, it says I find work for you, and you do the gigs, and I get a cut, twelve percent, here’s where it says that, see? twelve percent. There’s some corporate shit set up for handling the money, but that’s the nut. And pretty much this says you deal with me, not no other agent, and I take care of you.”
“Oh. Ok, that sounds — do I sign this?”
“Yeah, right here. Here’s a pen.... Good, now I sign it.... And now there’s one little formality we gotta take care of, on accounta you’re sixteen, you gotta get your mom or dad to sign it right here.”
“But — oh, no, they’d never agree, they didn’t want —”
“Missy, listen to me, pay attention now. I’m gonna close my eyes again for a little bit, and here’s what I bet is gonna happen. I bet that while my eyes are closed, your mom is gonna walk in here, and sign on this line, and walk out again, don’t you think that’s what’s gonna happen?”
“But how —”
“Hey, Missy, read between the lines a little bit for me now, would you. Don’t you think your mom is gonna sign this contract while my eyes are closed?”
“Ohhhhh. Um, yes, I’m sure she will.”
“I’m closing my eyes.... Whoa, Missy, lookie here, looks like you got your mom to sign this contract.”
“Uh, yeah, she was just here while, um, you were napping.”
“Sorry to have missed her, kid, I’m sure she’s a nice lady. Leona!”
«What?»
“We got room in the apartment on 23rd?”
«Uh, yeah, there’s just two girls in it now.»
“You got a key?”
«It’s around somewhere.»
“Do you think you could look for it?”
«Slave driver. Sure, I’ll look for it, why should I get a break?»
“Ok, so Missy, I got a place for you to stay, nice little apartment, doorman twenty-four seven, safe place. There’s three beds, two other models living there, you’ll get along great, nice girls, one of ’em is a hand model, you ever heard of that? Nobody ever shoots her face, just hands, you know, for jewelery ads and shit like that, makes a good living believe it or not, nice income for me.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful. I hadn’t really figured out what to do, and I only had enough for a few more nights at the hotel.”
“All part of the service, babyface, I told you, I take care of my girls, I’ll be takin’ especially good care of you. So, you got the weekend off, go shopping, see some sights, whatever. Monday, I’ll meet you at the apartment at eight in the morning, you got that?”
“Yes.”
“You gotta be awake, have a shower, so on and so forth, but you can leave your hair plain and don’t wear makeup, there’ll be stylists at Sally’s place to take care of all that, you follow me?”
“Yes. Oh, this sounds so exciting! I can hardly believe it.”
“Believe it, Missy. You lucked out, you came to the best modeling agent in the whole city.”
“Thank you so much. I wish I had a better way to thank you!”
“Well, you do good work, always listen to me, let me take care of things for you, you’ll be thanking me plenty with that twelve percent, not to mention that when you’re famous, other chicks will come my way as a side effect, which a guy has to look long term and keep the pipeline full, you know.”
“I could just kiss you!”
“Well, Missy, I’ll tell you what. You got a little time, I got a little time, how’s about I take that kiss.... right here.”
“Oh. Ok. I guess so. Um, could you not, um, get it in my hair this time?”
“Scout’s honor.”
“Should I undress again?”
“Ya know, babyface, here’s a nice thing about blow jobs. For practical purposes, all chicks is already undressed. So no, just get down here and.... oh, yeah, that’s the way, that’s the way honey, you’re such a fast learner.... So like I said, I won’t cum in your hair, I’m gonna introduce you to a nice treat, though, like caviar but better, you’ll love it.... Oh, baby, you’re gonna be a star....”
Author’s notes on The New Girl
I wrote part of this story in 1999, and finished it in 2006.
All grammatical
errors are fully intended, of course.
The beautiful Melissa is on her way to fashion stardom, and our
agent (hmm, he doesn’t have a name) and his trusty sidekick Leona
have finally hit the gravy train after years of second-rate status.
A happy ending all around. I feel like checking back on them in
five or six years to see how they’ve all handled fame and prosperity.
I know you put a lot of effort into reading my dialog-only stories,
and I appreciate your dedication. Why not top off your experience
by sending me a quick e-mail to comment on The New Girl? Thanks!
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