---

   from
   The Book of Arrowchild.


   The secret of Arrowchild.

   by Pamela Leigh Nichols


   Ye who know of me, and yet know me not: draw near and be told: for this be my true story.

   * . * . *

   Lords and ministers of the Witan: I, the orphan-waif called Arrowchild, do greatly beg pardon, with my simple tale: for I know not great speech nor elegant words; yet I do greatly swear to God the Almighty, that what I speak be influenced not by enchantment, neither my own self-service; but be the very truth as I know it, under God.


   I believe myself to be aged fifteen years. I be on my own near ten years now; but I lost count; it be all my life to me. It did come to pass, that on the twenty-sixth day of the month two previous, I did come into the court of her noble highness my lady the Queen, to seek a position in my lady's service. My guise at that time, be now well known, that from an early age I took on the outer raiment of a young boy, that I be not at the mercy of some evil-doer, neither enchanter: for I trust not this world, when an orphan girl be alone in a strange country. I would be taken in as apprentice to some trade; and I were apprenticed to many, and learned greatly; yet I attained journier not: for always my guise were threatened; and I would move on.
   After a few weeks in my lady's court I were taken into the castle kitchens as a waiting-boy; and anon I knew the honour of serving my lady's chamber-meals. Ever were I tidy, clean, punctual, pious, pleasant; and my good lady the Queen would commend my service. I dare own, my lady did like me greatly. This be to me a great reward; yet I would discharge all my duties passing well. My lady were kind and loving; she would pat my back or put her arm round my shoulders; and I would be greatly comforted, that I were pleasing to my lady the Queen. At all times I felt my guise were threatened not with exposure: for I would fear not from any daughter of Eve, neither one of such great moment as be my noble lady the Queen.
   On the eighteenth of the following month-- 'twas two days before Solstice-- I did bring the evening meal in to my lady's chambers. My lady the Queen took her supper, and bade me stay; and I would do my lady's bidding, but stood close by the door: for I would not disgrace the finery of my lady's furnishings. And my lady the Queen did turn her chair in order to see me; but I would not own the attention: for I would not so disgrace my lady's eyes. Then my lady the Queen offered me the chair at her side; but I would beg my lady's pardon, that I sit not: for I would not disgrace my lady's table. And my lady the Queen offered me some wine; but I would beg my lady's pardon, that I take it not: for I would be but unworthy to drink of my lady's cellars. I do not believe my declining be of moment to my lady the Queen; but that it amused my lady: for her face would smile each time; and I believed I had pleased my lady passing well.
   Then my lady the Queen bade me clear; and I would do my lady's bidding; and my lady rose; and I lowered my head: for though my lady be taller, I would not be her equal in stature. And my lady said to me, 'Boy, hast thou ever been told that thy face be most pleasant-looking a countenance?'
   I replied, no; that I would be but unworthy of any praise.
   My lady the Queen laughed; and told me, 'Modest boy! Thou art verily a beauty to a woman's eye!'
   I would not respond; and would stay beside the door; but my lady came to me, and put her arm round my shoulders. Then my lady the Queen said to me, 'Pray thee, boy, tell me: hast the beauty before me ever known a woman, either a young girl?'
   I replied, nay; and were greatly ashamed, and looked down; but my merry lady the Queen did laugh: for my lady's love of laughter be greatly known. Yet did my lady keep her arm round me, and did conduct me towards the window; and my lady took my face in her hands both, and would turn me towards the light. My lady the Queen looked into my eyes greatly serious and said to me, 'Thou art a greatly pretty picture, boy, to this lonely woman. Dost thou know how I regard thee?'
   I replied, nay; that I knew it not: for I only knew but to serve my lady's meals and clean my lady's chambers, that her bidding bade me do.
   My lady the Queen said, 'Aye, boy; but would it be all thy wish, to do mine bidding?'
   I replied, aye; if it were my lady's bidding that I would.
   My lady laughed and said, 'Aye, boy; but wouldst thou do as I wished, whatso it were?'
   I replied, aye; that I would do as my lady's bidding bade me, whatso were my lady's wish.
   My lady the Queen laughed again and said, 'Boy, surely thou wouldst not know what I would have thee do for me!'
   Then I were greatly afraid for what might be my lady's bidding: for it seemed so great a moment; but I would reply, aye; that if I did know my lady's bidding, I would surely do it, if it were my lady's wish.
   My lady the Queen turned from me and went across the room, and returned to me in three strides, and bent to my ear; and my lady whispered, 'If I did presume against thy own wish, wouldst thou tell me so?'
   I replied, nay; that my wish would be but to serve my lady's wish: for I would my wish not be against my lady's wish.
   'Aye, boy,' said my lady the Queen, 'but I would ask not of thy duty, but of thy own. What then, boy? --wouldst thou give of thy very own to me?'
   I replied, aye; if it were my lady's wish.
   My lady laughed and said, 'Thou art an earnest soul, dear boy! Dost thou ever know guile or artifice, when thou seest it?'
   I replied, nay; that I knew it not: for to foresee such evil things in others be to foretell one's own doom at their hand.
   My lady the Queen cried, 'Guileless boy! Hast thou never told a lie?'
   I were afraid, that my guise would betray me; but I answered truthfully: for never with my lips did I speak a falsehood, that I knew to be so.
   My lady the Queen then asked me, 'Aye, artless boy, lies, nay; either secrets? --there be something thou hast known! Hast thou ever betrayed a secret?'
   I be yet afraid, that I decieve not my lady the Queen; but I replied, nay; that nothing ever spoke me in confidence be betrayed by my lips.
   My lady cried, 'Trustworthy boy! Surely thou wouldst bear mine secrets?'
   I replied, aye; if it were my lady's wish that I would.
   My lady the Queen held my face in her hands both; and said to me, 'Thou art a loyal boy! Hast thou ever done willful harm to any body, of mine own subjects, either others?'
   I replied, nay; that never did I cause harm to any body out of turn, nor in anger, nor in self-service only.
   My lady smiled at me and said, 'Kind and gentle boy! Surely thou art made for more than drudgery and errand. If I give thee my wish, wouldst thou perform it? --but never must thou confess the matter, upon thy very life!'
   I replied, aye; that if it were my lady's wish I would keep it; else my life be forfeit.


   Lords and ministers of the Witan: Verily, I own my life be now forfeit for these charges against my lady the Queen; but I pray, that I might speak ere justice be done, that I do reveal the secret: for it be my lady's wish that all truths be made known before this court. And so I do speak now the very matter, that my lady did charge me to keep upon my own life: for beyond this day, I shall know my life but with God.


   Then my lady the Queen said to me, 'Boy, I shall tell thee. I be Queen these twelvefold years, and I have been entertainer to suitors beyond number; but never hath one been worthy of this mine own realm. Never would I share my father's precious lands, the lands of mine own blood, with one of their ilk, nor their issue. Nay, I swear to thee, boy, that never have I known mine own worthy in the flesh, until this day.' My royal lady the Queen looked round at me, and said, 'What sayst thou, boy, to this?'
   I replied, I would say nothing; but would beg my lady's pardon, that my lady might have me know the good man, who had proved her worthy equal.
   My lady the Queen smiled at me; and said merrily, 'Nay, boy, not mine equal; but mine own worthy. One who in thought, and deed, and intent, doth do me great credit, but poseth not the threat of artifice nor ambition to sully his worthy. Nay, the one that I have seen doth do me great credit; but he be not mine equal, but mine own worthy.'
   I would beg my lady's pardon then; that I might know, whoso be the fortunate man, who be her very worthy.
   My lady the Queen told me, 'Mine worthy be the one who serveth me best. Mine worthy be the one who doeth mine all, and yet plotteth not to separate mine trinkets from mine washbasin, nor mine lands from mine throne. Mine own worthy be the one who would heareth mine secrets, and beareth mine very maidenhood, as mine own intimate.'
   I were greatly ashamed then: for I feared that my lady the Queen did mean me. I durst not think it; yet it were plain to me nonetheless.
   Then my virtuous lady the Queen said to me, 'Mine own worthy be thee, modest, earnest, guileless, trustworthy, loyal, kind and gentle boy! I say to thee, I do promise thee nothing, but this: that thou shalt be mine intimate, that thou shalt see thy own child placed upon mine very throne, that thou shalt never want for all thy days on Earth. What sayst thou, boy, to this?'
   I shivered; but as it were my lady's wish, I answered, I own it; but I would beg my lady's pardon, that I could not accept what my lady would have me do.
   My lady the Queen laughed; and said to me, 'Innocent boy! Dost thou not know what it be I offer?'
   I replied, aye; but I would beg my lady's pardon, that it were not any thing that I could do.
   My lady the Queen said to me, 'Cheeky boy! Wouldst thou not desire such an honour? Dost thou not now realise, that thy issue shall become mine own heir?'
   I said, I realised what were my lady's wish; but I would beg my lady's pardon, that it were not that I would not wish it, but that I could not do it.
   My lady did take my shoulders then, and said to me, 'Unconfident boy! Dost thou not know what I would do to have it so? I will assist thee! Be not afraid, for what thou hast never done. Thou art mine intimate; I will that thou shalt fail not.'
   I replied, that I verily wished all what my lady wished; but I would beg my lady's pardon, that it would not be possible for me to ensure it.
   My compassionate lady the Queen said, 'Whatso be ensured, but what the Queen doth wish?' And it be then that my lady the Queen did begin to unclose my tunic. I stepped back: it be not my will; yet my lady would free me not, and said, 'Silly boy! Dost thou not realise, that it be thee, who art mine worthy? Wouldst thou some things were shared not by intimates?'
   I replied, aye, verily; but I would beg my lady's pardon, that I were for reasons my lady did not know, unworthy of her great intimacy.
   My lady the Queen said, 'Foolish boy! What reasons couldst thou have, that be not known to thy Queen?'
   Yet I durst not tell my lady my own secret. I could not tell it: for my deceit before my lady the Queen did mean, that I forfeit my life to the Witan. Yet I would beg my lady's pardon, that I could not tell my lady a thing; that I were unable to tell it; that my lady would not wish me to be in her service, if I did tell it; and I owned that my life might be forfeit, if I did not tell it.
   Then my lady cried, 'Obstinate boy! Dost thou not know, that I, thy Queen, know all things that concern mine subjects and my service? What wouldst thou hide from me? Tell all now, that thou mayst continue to partake of mine favour; either that I might whip thee greatly; either even that thy very life shall be forfeit!'
   I replied that I owned it, that my life might be forfeit; but I would ever beg my lady's pardon, that could not tell it; that I would appear differently to my lady; that my lady would no more wish me be her intimate, nor even in my lady's service; either that my lady herself be greatly shamed and disgraced.
   My lady the Queen then seized me round the shoulders; and I would beg my lady's pardon, that I might be free; but my lady would free me not, and would have me disrobed. I knew then, that if my lady the Queen did discover my body, that my lady would be greatly shamed and disgraced; and I would not, that my lady the Queen be disgraced. So I begged my lady's pardon, that if I would be disrobed, I might do it myself; and my lady the Queen assented, and made me free. And my lady said to me, 'Aye, boy, then be disrobed as thou wisheth; but that thou yet be disrobed.' And my lady the Queen laughed greatly; and said to me, 'Never shall I have enjoyed any sight better, but to see thee disrobed in mine chamber!'
   I begged my lady's pardon, that if my lady would favour me with the privacy of her screen, that I would disrobe myself, and show myself entirely unclothed. My lady the Queen laughed greatly, and cried, 'Bashful boy! Wouldst thou have me snuff the tapers, as well?'
   I replied, aye; if my lady would be surprised; but, nay; if my lady would be prepared, for how I would appear.
   My lady replied, 'Conceited boy! Yet, aye; I shall prepare myself, if thou wouldst have me prepared!'
   I stepped behind the screen and disrobed, and unravelled all my bindings, until I be naked. My lady the Queen dimmed not the tapers; and would that I step out into the chamber yet in light. I peered round the screen, and saw my lady standing at the window; her back be to me. I were greatly afraid of what my lady would do when her eyes did behold me; but I would step out: for I would deceive my good lady the Queen no longer. Then my lady heard me, and reached up to slip off her robe; and it fell to the floor behind her. Then my lady the Queen turned to behold me; and her body be naked.
   I looked down: for I would not disgrace my lady's body with my eyes, nor look upon my lady's astonishment. For my life I do not know my lady's reaction upon that moment. My lady the Queen crossed the room to me, but would not near me, and went round behind me, and came round in front of me. I stood wretched and naked before my lady's eyes; yet would I do her bidding upon the instant.
   My glorious lady the Queen stood before me; her body be entirely disrobed; and my lady said to me, in a soft voice, 'Thou hast greatly deceived me, child.'
   I owned it; I would beg my lady's pardon and great mercy, that my good lady the Queen might know what be done, be done in my own service only; and that my life might be forfeit. I owned I had been wrong; and I hid not my tears before my lady.
   My lady the Queen would silence me, and said, 'Thou art a crafty and artful creature, indeed! Whoso knoweth of this thy art and deception?'
   I replied, no one I knew, save God and myself.
   My lady asked me, 'How long wouldst thou play this dodge? Thy body doth belie thy artifice, indeed; thou art no child, but woman. Thou might yet seek a husband.'
   I replied, nay: for I could have no dowry, and would not be mistress, save but to God.
   My lady the Queen replied, 'Cheeky child! Wouldst thou not be mine own mistress?'
   I raised my head; it be not my will. My lady the Queen looked down upon me; her body be before my own. I replied, nay; I would not so disgrace my lady; but I would beg my lady's pardon, that I might be cast out in my own disgrace, and left to my own way, be it that I should be mistress to hooligans and thieves; either that my life might be forfeit.
   Then my merciful lady the Queen laughed, and said, 'Contrite child! Thou wouldst be thy own worst judge! Nay, I warrant thee, none so much as one churl shall draw near to thee, while thou art mine own intimate! Thou shalt be mine own chamber-mistress: for mine secret shall be safe with no other; but she who kept secret so well from me! Makest thy bed upon yon couch, for this night and those after, till thy service and mine great mercy grant thee liberty from mine own chamber!'
   I would do my lady's bidding; and I slept the night under my tunic; but the rest of my things be removed from the chamber. On the morrow I rose, and would have robed; but my lady the Queen would give me nothing. My lady would have me assist in her dressing, and my lady took her breakfast in the adjoining apartment; but I sat alone in the corner of the bed-chamber and took bread and water; and yet I be naked. My lady the Queen were away some hours; and I be inmate to my lady's chamber; yet I had not clothes, neither liberty round the castle, nor occupation as I had been used, but that I would tidy my lady's chamber, as a chamber-maid ought to do.
   It were towards the seventh hour, that my lady the Queen returned, and bade me assist in her bath. I prepared the water, and assisted my lady in washing; and my lady bade me wash her body entirely. Then my lady the Queen rose from the tub, and bade me pat down her body to dry it; and my lady lay upon the chaise, and bade me perfume her body with powder, and with cloth. Afterward my lady the Queen bade me assist in dressing, and in powder and rouge, and with her hair; and I did all as well as I could: for I had no skill in any of it. My noble lady the Queen were to take dinner in the great hall; but my lady would say to me, 'Thou art of great use as chamber-mistress, child. Pray that thou dischargest these thy new tasks well, that thy artful secret may remain safe within mine own breast.'
   I replied, aye; and prayed it; and I would beg my lady's pardon, that I might have some dressing or a robe: for yet I be naked.
   My lady the Queen replied, 'Nay, child; presumest thou not to robe thyself again in mine own chamber: for I would not have thee appear as what thou art not.' And my lady laughed, and took her leave.
   The chamber-maids did come soon after; but my lady the Queen would have me hide from them; and they knew not I be in my lady's chamber. Yet my lady the Queen would starve me not: for they left bread and wine upon the table, which I took in the corner upon the floor, as I had the night previous: for my lady had bade me sup of it.
   My lady the Queen returned upon the twelfth hour: this were the day before the Solstice, and it be yet light. And my lady bade me undress her; and I assisted as best as I could; and my lady robed in her ermine dressing-gown, and would have me sit upon the bed; and I would do my lady's bidding. Then my lady the Queen stood before me, and said to me, 'Child, thou art verily a loyal intimate; but I know not what to do with thee: for I would not have another worthy such as thee; but thou art more mine equal now, than mine worthy.'
   I would beg my lady's pardon; that I might know, howso my good lady's equal.
   My lady the Queen answered me, 'Thou art mine equal because thou art woman, as am I; we be both but Eve's daughters; there be no seed of Adam between us.'
   I replied, aye; that I were greatly sorry for this my lady's inconvenience: for I could issue to her no heir; and I would beg my lady's pardon, that I might be but cast out; and make my own way in a different country; either that my life might be forfeit: for I would that my lady's great inconvenience be no more on my account.
   Then my just lady the Queen laughed; and replied, 'Nay, penitent child: for here in mine service thou art no inconvenience to me; but of great help thou might yet be to me. I would but that thy loyalty be put to mine own better use, and thy great secret likewise.'
   I responded, aye; and would beg my lady's pardon, that I might hear my lady's bidding: for I would do whatso it be upon the very moment; but for my own secret I cared not.
   My lady laughed and said to me, 'Child, I asked thee if thou hadst ever known woman: for I knew thee yet to be but Adam's son then. To the woman which thou art, I do ask thee: hast thou ever known man?'
   I replied-- for I would be honest-- nay; that I were untouched by man all my life.
   My lady the Queen replied, 'Well; but now I ask thee, hast thou ever known woman; either thyself, in like ways?'
   I were ashamed; and looked down; but my lady would have me answer; and I replied, nay; that I were untouched by man, nor by woman neither, neither by my own hand; but I knew not my lady's meaning.
   My lady the Queen stood before me, and bade me look up. Then my lady untied her ermine gown, and let it fall from her shoulders, so that my lady be naked before me.


   Lords and ministers of the Witan: I speak here, that my lady the Queen be a passing beautiful woman in person, well-shaped and tall, with magnificent golden hair, and brilliant blue eyes, and greatly elegant carriage: for my lady's posture be so erect, that hips, ribs, neck, and head be in a straight yet ever upwardly line, that to gaze upon my lady's naked body, one be struck greatly with awe; but that my beauteous lady the Queen do possess great dignity, even when her body be naked. Then I knew I did love my lady the Queen: for be my lady's person in chamber or in court, either mine be at liberty or in Purgatory, ever she be my Queen.


   Then my lady the Queen lifted my chin with her hand; and bade me, 'Child, thou shalt not fear me, thy own Queen. What right I have to be thy Queen, I have charge to be thy servant. Therefore do not fear me: for what thou wouldst do for me, I wouldst do for thee likewise.'
   I would make no reply; but my lady the Queen took my chin in her hand, and did caress my neck with her fingers. 'What sayst thou to this: that as I make thee mine chamber-mistress, I make thee mine bed-mistress also?'
   I replied, nay; and I would beg my lady's pardon, that I do it not: for I would be but unworthy to make my lady's bed my own resting-place.
   My lady the Queen replied, 'Nay; but it shalt be thy own place of comfort.' Then my lady smiled; and said to me, 'Come, child; if thou wouldst have thy Queen be greatly comfortable.'
   Verily, I would have it; and my lady sat beside me at the foot of the bed, and put her arm round my shoulders.
   My lady said to me, 'Now thou shalt do my bidding, as plainly as I shall ask it; and what thou wouldst do to me, I would do unto thee likewise.'
   I replied, I would ask no repayment; but my gracious lady the Queen said to me, 'Gentle child! --it shall be not remuneration, but pleasure!' And at that moment my lady kissed me upon my own lips; and I swooned, but that I fell not. My lady gave a happy laugh; and said to me, 'Thou art but a tender kisser, child! Wouldst thou deny a lonely woman a hearty kiss? Wherefore art the lusty young boy who came into this mine own chamber, but the evening last?'
   I replied, for my lady's sake, that the boy-orphan called Arrowchild would be no more; else my life truly be forfeit.
   My lady the Queen responded, 'Nay: for I say to thee, thou art that same boy in spirit, but not in person. Come; we shall enjoy ourselves: for I have waited these weeks to taste thy lips, and know thy person upon mine own, and to know great pleasure at thy hand.' And at that moment my lady kissed me, as before; and I likewise swooned: for my lady the Queen do bestow a pleasant kiss. Then my lady said, 'Come child, place thy hand here, that I might know thy touch, as thou knowest mine.' And my lady took my own hand; and placed it upon her naked thigh, that I would caress her there; and I would do my lady's bidding. And my lady the Queen would kiss me again; and her hand would caress my own thigh.


   Lords and ministers of the Witan: Yet I do swear before you, that what I speak be the truth, that God knows I know it. Then my lady the Queen did direct my hand with her own hand; that my lady would have my fingers between her legs, and would have me caress her naked person there. And I would do my lady's bidding. And my lady did kiss me again upon my lips, yet again, that I be quite swooned; and would lie down; but my lady the Queen would lie down, and did direct my hand about her person. I placed my hand where my lady would have it; and my lady bade me touch her private places, that she know great pleasure thereby my own touch. And my lady the Queen bade me sit beside her upon the bed; and my lady bade me stroke my fingers up and down upon her golden maiden-hair; and ever would I do my lady's bidding; and my lady would cry in great pleasure.
   Then my lady the Queen made her legs to be separate, and bade my right hand caress her breast; and I would do my lady's bidding. And my lady's ivory breast be great and swollen, that it cause my lady great pleasure, to be touched. And my lady cried, 'Dear child, sweet child; dost thou knowest truly, how thou makest me feel? I shall swoon greatly at thy very touch!'
   Then I would stop: for I feared my lady would be greatly alarmed; but my lady the Queen bade me continue; and would direct my hand. My lady said to me, in but a wee voice, 'Makest thou two fingers together, and touchest me, where thy two fingers together fitteth best!'
   And I did stop then: for I knew not her meaning; and my lady said to me, 'Child, wouldst thou I beat thee, that thou wouldst do my bidding not?' Then I were afraid; and I would beg my lady's pardon, that my lady might show me her meaning; and my accomplished lady the Queen laughed; and did direct my hand; and I would do as my lady wished. I made my two fingers close together; and my lady bade me put them into her birthing-place; but my lady cried great alarm; and I would stop. And my lady the Queen cried out, 'Stoppest thou not, child: for it be mine wish that thou ever continuest, as thou hast done!'
   I replied, nay; I would beg my lady's pardon, that I do it not: for if I would harm my lady's person, I would not do it for all my life; but my lady the Queen laughed, and said to me, 'Thou shalt do me no harm as I bid; but thou shalt do me great pleasure! I pray thee, sweet child-- mine own intimate-- do mine bidding; either I shall beat thee greatly!'
   And I would do my lady's bidding; but again, my lady the Queen let out a great yelp, like that from a birthing-room; and I would stop upon the very moment. My lady looked at me; and said quite angrily, 'Child, thou shalt do as I have bade thee, or I shall have thee whipped thrice: for thou hast thrice stopped, when I have bade thee go on!'
   Then I would continue; but my lady the Queen seized my hand and thrust my two fingers greatly into her own maiden birthing-place, and would yet cry out as before, yet again, yet again. I were greatly afraid, and would stop; but my lady did thrust my hand in and out of her person with great fervor; and I worried for my good lady's chastity; but my lady would worry not; neither did she stop not. My virtuous lady the Queen cried out again, yet again; and the tears stained her cheeks, and tears did stain mine likewise: for I loved her, and would not that my lady be in so great distress. Then my lady cried out, 'Oh! --child, I pray thee, darest thou not stop: for I have not known like pleasure, that thou givest me at thy hand!' And my lady the Queen made great bucking and bouncing, and did thrust my hand in and out of her birthing-place, till my lady gave a great shout, as if in great pain; and I did weep greatly to hear her. Then my lady's very body be greatly stiff and hard; and my lady's body were well off the bed: for some of her parts be as enchanted. Then my lady the Queen gave a loud sigh, and made her body to lay upon the bed; and my lady would yet grip my hand with great strength, and thrust it yet more deeply into her own birthing-place. And from that place came great wetness, that made my hand both wet and hot; and I would look: for I feared my lady the Queen would bleed. But there were upon the stained bed not blood, but water; or so it looked. And my lady did as before; and would make my hand go in and out; and her body did buck and bounce in great fervor. And I were afraid: for my lady the Queen be shouting greatly as before; and her eyes did cry great tears. But my lady cried out to me, 'Oh! --child, thou makest me greatly happy! Dear child, sweet child, mine own chamber-mistress, thou hast been mine servant; but now mine person would be thy servant! Thou shalt be ever more than mine own worthy! Thou art mine Queen!'
   I replied, nay; that by my lips no one would ever know, how my lady's lips had spoke. And my lady the Queen said to me, 'Nay, child, 'tis thee who shalt hear, nay: for by right I have to be Queen, I would serve no master, nor mistress neither, but God; and none art mine equal, but them who are deigned monarch under God. Therefore them who would maketh me servant must rightfully be monarch under God likewise: thou art a Queen, child!' And my lady gave a great laugh, and then did resign.
   Then I sat for some time, while my hand be thus engaged; but my lady the Queen be greatly pleased, and moved not. Toward the second hour of evening, I did feel my lady's body stir; and I would rise: for there were no tapers lit in the chamber. And my lady said softly to me, 'Child, I pray thee; leave me not.'
   I replied, nay; by my lady's bidding; but I would beg my lady's pardon, that the tapers were all out; and the light would be no longer. My kind lady the Queen said to me, 'Nay; we shall let the light die in the chamber as well: for we have but ourselves; and for that I would have thee do, thou wouldst have fading light: for I see thou art greatly ashamed, that thou art yet naked.' Then my lady the Queen disengaged my hand: for it be greatly sticky between her thighs. And my lady laughed as before; and said to me, 'Child, fetch some wine from yon table: for I thirst.' And I would do my lady's bidding, and returned with a cup of my lady's wine; and my lady the Queen sat upon the bed, and drank of it. Then my lady would stand and go towards the window; but her legs were greatly weak, that they would not hold my lady steady; and my lady put her hand upon my shoulder, that her person be steadied. And my lady said to me, 'Well; thou hast done great good to thy Queen: for I have not known such great joy, as thy hand and thy lips hath given me. I pray thee, child, sayst thou thy own wish, that it shall be thy bidding unto thy Queen.'
   I replied, nay; and would beg my lady's pardon, that I might not ask of my lady the Queen any thing, but that I might be cast out to another land, that my lady's great disgrace be no longer on my account; either that my life would be forfeit. And my lady said to me, 'Nay, child; yet nay again: for thou art of great joy to me; and I would keep thee near me all thy days!' And my lady laughed greatly, and drank of her wine. Then my lady said to me, 'Child, if thou shalt not sayst thy bidding, I shall bid thee yet again!'
   I replied, aye; that I would do my lady's bidding. And my lady the Queen said to me, 'Child, makest thou to kneel before thy Queen, that thou might show proper reverence.' And I would do my lady's bidding, and did kneel upon the floor at my lady's feet; and my regal lady the Queen yet stood before me. Then my lady did rest one hand upon my head, and said to me, 'Well, good child; now raise thy head, and kiss me where thy lips shall meet me first!'
   Then I opened my eyes, and saw before me my lady's maiden-hair there uncovered, and thence her maiden birthing-place; but I would do my lady's bidding; and I kissed her there. And my lady said happily, 'Well, earnest child! Yet kiss me there again, that I might know thy truest love!' And I would do my lady's bidding, and kissed her yet again. Then my lady said to me, 'Thou dost truly love thy Queen, dost thou not?'
   I replied, aye; that I did love my good lady the Queen with all my heart and all my own. And my lady said to me, 'Well, loyal child! Then kiss me yet again, where thy lips shall meet mine person first, that I might know thee to be repentant of thy former crafty guises!' And I would do this my lady's bidding, heartily, and kissed my lady yet again, upon her maiden-hair. Then my forgiving lady the Queen laughed aloud, and said, 'Well again, dear child: for thou showest me thy true heart in thy earnest service. I pray thee, dost thou yet wish to serve me, that thou wouldst ever do mine bidding?'
   I replied, aye, verily: for I knew service not, but to do my lady's bidding. And my lady the Queen smiled down upon me, and said to me, 'Well, loving child; thou art earnest, and loyal, and greatly repentant. Please me yet again, that I might soon hear thy own wish: for fain would I do thy bidding.' Then my lady the Queen made her feet to be separate upon the floor, and yet laid her hand upon my head, and said to me, 'Put forth thy honest tongue, child, and place a tender kiss upon mine body where thou seest me, that I might know great pleasure therefrom.' And I would do my lady's bidding, and put forth my tongue; and my lady made her cleft to be separate before me, and pressed my face into her birthing-place, that my tongue might cleave her.
   Then my lady the Queen swooned greatly; and cried out in a loud voice; and I would stop. And my lady cried in a sorry voice, 'Nay, child, nay! --I pray thee, darest thou not stop: for I cry with great joy; and not in pain. I bid thee continue; either that I would beat thee!'
   And I would do my lady's bidding; and I drew my tongue between the two halves, until my lady's cleft did stand well open, that it would take my two fingers; but my lady the Queen would not have my fingers, but would have my tongue there. I made my tongue to kiss my lady deeply; but my lady cried out; and my lady's body shook greatly; and I would stop.
   Then my lady the Queen cried out now in a strong voice, 'Nay, child, nay; wouldst thou have me whip thee greatly? --for I would wait not for what must come; and thou wouldst stop mine great pleasure! I bid thee, continue; else thy very life might be forfeit!'
   Then I would do my lady's bidding: for I did fear greatly, that my life might be forfeit. And my lady the Queen threw the cup of wine away into the room; but I did not see: for my lady seized my head in her hands both, and did press my face yet closer upon her birthing-place, that my tongue might kiss her yet deeper. And I would do as my lady wished; but she bid me not. Then my lady made her body to bounce greatly upon my face; and it be painful to me; but I stopped not thereafter: for I feared greatly, that my life might be forfeit. And my lady the Queen cried aloud in joy; but I would not stop; my lady's body shook greatly; yet I would not stop; my lady's birthing-place ran greatly wet with the water-fluid, and upon my face; yet I would not stop; and my eyes cried great tears: for I be afraid for my lady's chastity; yet my lady feared not, neither stopped not. Then my lady made her body still upon me; and her cries were no more; and all be still. And then, with great moment, my lady the Queen gave a great sigh, and swooned greatly; yet she stood before me; and I would hold her person erect with my two hands both, that she would fall not; though she bid me not.
   Then anon my lady the Queen looked down upon me, and laid her hands both atop my head. And my lady said to me, 'Well, child; now rest thyself: for thy hast done great good for thy Queen; and thy reward be at hand.' And my tongue were disengaged; and my lady made me at liberty, that I might lie upon my couch alone; and my lady did rest herself.
   Then anon my lady the Queen robed herself, and poured a cup of wine; and my lady came to me, and looked down upon me, where I lay upon the couch; yet I be naked. And my gentle lady the Queen would kiss my lips; but I would kiss her not: for I be yet unclean. Then my lady said, 'Gentle child, what wouldst thou have me do for thee? --for but that thou ask not, thy great wish shall be mine bidding.'
   I replied, that I would ask nothing; but I would beg my lady's pardon, that I might be cast out: for I would not stay in my lady's Country, that I might disgrace my lady the Queen; either that my life now surely be forfeit. And my lady said to me, 'Nay; fear not, child: for thy Queen shall ever love thee: for thou art both mine chamber-mistress, and mine worthy.'
   I replied, nay; that I could not be my lady's own worthy: for I could issue no heir for the Realm. And my lady the Queen said to me, 'Nay, child; but thou givest for me, thy own Queen, great joy and happiness; and I be disposed to ask thy own bidding: for I would endow mine own worthy with whatso thou wouldst wish; aye, even greatly.'
   I said, nay; but I would beg my lady's pardon, that I might have but my own life and liberty, but nothing further. But my generous lady the Queen said to me, 'Nay, child; but I know what gift I shall render thee; and thou hast but to do mine own bidding, that thou might receive it.'
   I would beg my lady's pardon, that I be but unworthy of reward: for I did but cause my lady the Queen great consternation and disgrace; and that my life must surely be forfeit. And my lady said to me, 'Nay, innocent child, nay; for thou knowest not of the joy I have just known at thy hand. 'Tis consternation not, but great pleasure; now thou shalt know it likewise.' Then my lady said to me, 'Makest thyself comfortable, child: for thy reward be at hand.'
   Then my lady drew a chair close to my couch, and made herself to sit upon it, so that her robe be separate, from below her chest, so that my lady be uncovered below her chest. And I would do my lady's bidding, and made myself to sit upon the couch before my lady; and I lowered my head. And my lady the Queen said to me, 'Makest thy two fingers together, as I did show thee; and makest thy legs to be separate.' And my lady did likewise with her own body; and I would do my lady's bidding. Then my lady said to me, 'Well, child; now would I have thee touch thyself: for thou shalt know great pleasure; but I pray thee, touchest thyself not, but that thou wouldst do thy own bidding.'
   And I were greatly afraid, and would not touch my own person; and my lady the Queen said to me, 'Darest thou not know thy own greatest happiness?'
   I replied, aye; that I would my greatest happiness were upon my wedding-day, before God; either my own wedding-night, with my husband, whoso ever be he. My lady the Queen laughed and said to me, 'Mine own greatest happiness I have known not, child, but at thy hand. Thy very husband shall not give thee pleasure as thou hast given me! Come, I bid thee; thou shalt partake of thy own pleasure!'
   Then I would beg my lady's pardon, that I do it not; but that it were my lady's bidding. And my lady the Queen said to me, 'Then well; I do bid thee, caress thyself between thy legs, that thou might know thy great pleasure, that be afforded there.' And my lady did so with her own body, and I would do my lady's bidding, and did likewise, upon my own body. My lady said, 'Well, child; but makest thou thy legs to be further separate, that thou might show thy Queen thy own private-place.'
   Then I be ashamed: for my private-place I had shown not to any body living; but I would do my lady's bidding. And my lady looked at me; and yet my lady did touch her own person, and said to me, 'Well; thou art good indeed, to do all mine bidding. But I pray thee, dost thou wish to touch thyself, within thy private place?'
   I would beg my lady's pardon, that I might do as my lady bade me; but not as I wished for myself. But my lady the Queen would have me answer, as to my own wish. And I said, nay; I wished it not: for I be greatly afraid; but that I would ever do my lady's bidding, whatso it were. And my lady said to me, 'Then heed mine bidding, child: for I do bid thee, enter thyself with thy fingers both, where they fitteth best, that I might see thee do it verily.'
   Then I be greatly ashamed; but I would do my lady's bidding: and I looked down at my own private place, and saw there my maiden-hair uncovered. My cleft stood open: for it would admit my fingers readily; and my lady the Queen looked down likewise, and bade me move my fingers towards my own cleft. I made my eyes closed: for I would not have my lady see my tears; and I feared great pain, that I might cry out as my lady had done; but I knew not any pain. Then I did know my fingers within my own body; and my body welcomed them; from my private-place within there came warmth, likewise wetness. My very person did tremble greatly and with happiness, that I would swoon; yet I knew pain not, nor discomfort; and I cried aloud; not in pain, but in great fear of it. My lady the Queen cried out to me, 'Well, child; thou hast discovered it! Now lie thyself down, that thou makest thyself yet comfortable; and makest thy fingers to pass in and out of thy private place, that thou might wish for thy own great pleasure!'
   Yet I be greatly afraid, but I would do my lady's bidding; and lay myself down upon the couch, and did make my fingers to slide in and out of my birthing-place; and I kept closed my eyes, so I saw not, that my lady entered her own person likewise. And my lady would have my fingers move yet faster; and I did my lady's bidding; and then my lady the Queen cried, 'Well, child; and now thou shalt enter thyself with thy own three fingers!'
   Then I would cry aloud: for I greatly feared pain, either discomfort; but my lady the Queen said to me, 'Thou shalt do mine bidding, child: for thou hast sworn to do whatso I bid thee; therefore I do bid thee, child; draw out thy two fingers, and enter thy birthing-place with thy own three fingers; either that I might whip thee; or that thy very life be forfeit!'
   Then I were greatly afraid; for I feared my life might be forfeit; but I would do my lady's bidding. And I did know tears: for my own birthing-place be yet maiden; and would not welcome my own three fingers; but with great discomfort. And I cried aloud to God, that I should not incur His great wrath: for I feared He would deliver unto me great pain indeed. And my blessed lady the Queen said to me, 'Fear not, child; darest thou fear not: for thou art in the hands of thy Queen, who would do thee no great harm, whilst I hast mine power, under God.' Then my lady said to me, 'Makest thy hand move yet faster, that thou might know thyself, what thou didst show me likewise.' And I would do my lady's bidding, and did make my hand go faster; though I be greatly afraid.
   Then all my body trembled greatly from within; and I knew wetness flowing from within my own birthing-place; and my fingers would yet slide in and out with great ease. And I were greatly afraid; yet I would stop not: for I feared my lady's wrath; but I would do my lady's bidding; and I swooned greatly. Suddenly a great rushing like the wind came upon my person; and I could move myself not; but I lay upon the couch, with my three fingers thus engaged, and swooned deeper than ever; and I knew great pleasure then. Then my lady the Queen cried, 'Aye, child, thou knowest thy own great pleasure! Thou art woman indeed!' And my lady the Queen kissed me; and I fell quite asleep, of a great swoon.


   Then anon I awoke; the room be dark; but one taper be lit. My tender lady the Queen sat beside me in the chair, so that her person be close beside my own; and my lady's hand did caress my naked person with great fondness. And my lady said to me, 'Thou art now awake, child; hast thou enjoyed thy own pleasure, at thy own hand, that be mine own gift to thee; yet not thy own reward?'
   I replied, aye; that my lady's gift be pleasant indeed; but also, nay; that I be unworthy of any reward: for I did but bring my honourable lady the Queen great shame and disgrace; and that I be but unworthy of any reward, neither of any of my lady's great goodness; and I would beg my lady's pardon, that I might be cast out; either that my life must be forfeit.
   And my lady the Queen said to me, 'Alas, child, nay: for I tell thee, we art Eve's daughters both, and therefore have right to the same pleasures of the body. I tell thee, dear child, today thou art no longer child, but woman; and thou shalt ever be in the heart of thy Queen: for I do love thee truly.'
   Then my lady the Queen leaned forward and kissed me, and would not part her lips from mine for a great moment. And my lady said to me, 'Child, now it be time for thy own reward; and thus, mine own also.'


   Lords and ministers of the Witan: I declare that I know not evil; neither self-service, nor that I did but that I were bade to do; yet I own I have received great pleasure in turn, by my lady's service. Then my good lady the Queen bade me lie down on my back upon the couch, and would caress my person there. I did know my lady's fingers drawing about my body; and my lady's lips kissed my neck and chest; but I could move not in my own defence: for I knew myself to be but without strength in my person. My lady the Queen kissed me upon my naked breasts both, and upon my middle, and upon other parts; and I believed that as I had been bade to do unto my lady, my lady would do likewise unto me: for my lady had so said to me. Then my lady looked into my eyes, and said, 'Mine dear child, what I do for thee, I do for the first time; darest thou not forget who loved thee so.'
   I replied, nay; that I would forget it never; but would beg my lady's pardon, that I might know what my lady would do. But my lady the Queen told me not; I saw her lips form a smile; and then my lady bent lower over me, and brought her lips towards my maiden birthing-place. I did cry out greatly; and would beg my lady's pardon, that I might bid her stop; but my lady stopped not. I cried yet again; and the tears be upon my cheeks; yet she stopped not. And my fond lady the Queen kissed me upon my maiden-hair, and made her tongue to part my cleft. Then my lady did kiss my birthing-place; and I knew my lady's tongue within me; and I swooned greatly, and would be faint; but I knew great pleasure by my lady's kiss; and I would not faint. My lady's tongue went round and round within me; I knew it; and yet I knew it not: for I be in a great swoon. My lady the Queen would stop not; and I knew the water-fluid between my thighs; and my body be without feeling. I lay, that I were a woolen blanket upon a stream, neither drowning, nor floating, yet drifting with the currents, till God would my soul be no more.
   Then I slept beside my excellent lady the Queen in the royal bed, and did please my lady yet again, in that very night; and my lady did please me likewise. In the weeks that followed, I left not my lady's bed-chamber: for my lady bade me leave it not. But that I be late discovered upon the couch in my lady's chamber by agents of the Witan, I believe I would be there yet, in my lady's service, as chamber-mistress and intimate. Yet I be without clothes: for my lady would have me know not my own liberty. At the appointed time, when I came to be unclean, my gracious lady the Queen allowed me one robe; and I did also wrap my person: for I did bleed; else my lady bade me be ever naked: for I believe my lady favoured my nakedness. I wanted not for heat: for it be yet summer; I wanted not for occupation: for I did keep my lady's chambers tidy; and did assist my lady with dressing, and her bath. And my gentle lady the Queen be ever greatly pleased, by my service to her chamber; likewise by my service to her person, that my lady beat me not, nor whipped me: for ever would I do my lady's bidding passing well. Thrice or fourfold, my lady bade me bathe, that I be clean in her service; but once did I bathe myself: for thence my lady herself did bathe me, that I were an infant child; and my lady be greatly pleased; and I likewise. And then I did sit at my lady's dressing-table, to apply powder and rouge to my own face: for I wanted the experience to better serve my lady; yet never were my lady the Queen cross with me, that my lady did see me in the face of a lady; and my lady did speak kind words and make great fond treatment towards me. Upon the hour for evening supper my lady the Queen bade me sit at the chamber table, that I might share her supper; and I be yet naked; but it offended my lady not: for I did believe my lady be greatly fond of me: for her words did speak great love for me. Yet ever I would do my lady's bidding; whatso it were that my lady bade me, be it upon my lady's person, either my own: for neither pain, nor discomfort, nor fear for my own maidenhood, did stop me, that I would do not my lady's bidding. But for fear that my life yet be forfeit, my service as inmate to my lady's chambers be greatly pleasant; and for my lady, ever much more likewise: for my lady would ever commend me on my service; and I would know that my good lady the Queen did love me as her own intimate.



   Lords and ministers of the Witan: Yet I swear before God, that what I do speak be the very truth; that I betrayed not my solemn vow to her highness my lady the Queen, that secrets shared within my lady's bed-chamber did escape it not, but with great moment, before this council. I own, that my life be here forfeit; and for myself I would nothing; save that it be ever known, that I did love her highness my Queen with all my heart and all my own; and I go to my God firm in my love for Him, and in His servant, my mistress, my noble lady the Queen.


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   And so, dear Reader, the Witan did condemn me rightly: for I did cause my good lady the Queen great shame and disgrace before them; not by my very deeds, which I do swear here, be truth as God do know it; but by greatly false speech against my lady the Queen, that the Witan did declare my tale; and I be declared a liar and traitor to my lady's throne. Truly my very life were forfeit; yet I feared not, but that God would commend me to Heaven, for my truthful speech and earnest service to his regal servant my lady the Queen; but that my kind lady the Queen, who did yet love me, were greatly afraid for my life, and did cry great tears: for she did solemnly bid, that I be spared.


   Yet do I speak not my lady's name, neither of her Country: for yet I love my lady the Queen, that I would not bring her disgrace, nor shame, upon my very life: for my lady did love me as a worthy; nay, even as an equal, that my lady did know and love me passing well. My good lady the Queen would have me depart from her noble court and Country in womanly dressing; and I would do my dear lady's bidding with great happiness; yet anon I did return to my former boylike guise, that should we meet, I might be known not to be Eve's daughter at all: for I trust not this world, when an orphan girl be alone in a strange country.



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   �1995 Arrowchild (aka Pamela Leigh Nichols)

   Lewes: 6 September 1995
   All rights reserved.


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