Chemistry

I have no idea why I had such bizarre bad luck in finding myself caught in the midst of a Confederacy extraction at, of all places, my workplace. This was going to be weird.

The event also brought mixed feeling to the fore, over, well, whether I did, really, want to survive by departing Earth... or not. I was not yet ready to have to make up my mind on the whole issue.

But, alas, apathy is hard to maintain in the midst of so many excited people.

Now, just a little bit of background about me.

Y'see, I'm pretty much the well-known weirdo in my work place. I am both invisible and known to everyone, all at the same time. I either seem to know everything-- or, more often likely, how to find everything-- and I try to help everyone around him do their job a little bit better. At the same time I'm invisible when it comes to getting credit for pulling a rabbit-- or a penguin-- out of my hat.

All right, I admit it, once I got my CAP score, I wasn't really planning to stay here on Earth. I'll grant that my mood swings didn't help me much, but I wasn't sure whether my exit would be via a Confederacy pick-up or a far more immediate and permanent-- and self-inflicted-- form.

When I was named by the extraction team via the PA system, along with three others-- two women and a man-- I realized that there wasn't much I could do to avoid the whole scenario. We all ended up gathered in the largest area of the plant-- the factory floor-- and I presented my ID card to the junior member of the extraction team.

I got a once-over, as he handed me my card back and shook his head. "You know the next step, right? You've got four people you can sponsor, so..."

The whole idea of selecting "concubines" to take with me had never sat well with me. The idea that my taking this jump implicity imposiing a divorce was not particularly unwelcome, but, to be honest, getting into another relationship, no matter how different from the one I'd been enduring, was not attractive in any way, shape, or form. To say I had mixed feelings doesn't go far enough, you see. On the one hand having the kind of power and authority indicated by the details we were given by the Confederacy gave me an incredible way to vent my accumulated angers and frustrations, but, on the other hand, I'd be very upset to find that I'd inflicted pain on others.

On the gripping hand, though, it was how I felt about my own self, that decided my actions at that point.

It was my turn to shake my head. "No. I'm ready to leave, now. I'll be damned if I'm going to be held responsible for another human being."

See? I even had an excuse for my choice ready to deflect anyone from recognizing what really bothered me.

Seldom do you see someone-- especially someone in uniform-- struck speechless. His mouth hung open... and then he got himself back into gear. "Skipper? We got... ummmm..."

The Marine Captain sauntered up, her powerfully built body walking as if balanced perfectly, and looked me over. "Yes, Sergeant?"

"He doesn't want any... concubines."

This big woman looked me up and down. "You're a 7.0, right? Why would you not want to sponsor others to leave?"

I shrugged. "Like I told the Sergeant, I would much rather avoid being responsible for anyone I might choose from the current pool. There are only two people I might have chosen from here... and they're telecommuting today so they aren't even here today, and I'll bet that, if they'd been here, they'd likely be volunteers, themselves. I'd rather go it alone, any way."

The captain's eyes lost focus as she started a silent conversation with what I felt was an AI. She snapped back into focus and eyed me. "All right. We'll send you through, I just hope you won't regret your decision."

I spent several days on the ship getting briefed in on my roles and responsibilities before the ship had a full load and we headed out of the Solar system. Within two days of jumping to Ludicrous Speed, I ended up with a companion, a woman named Ruth, who'd been rejected by another volunteer. She'd been marked as having a bad attitude-- well, her age didn't help-- but I decided to take her in, anyway. No one else had wanted her so I didn't want to see her spaced. She was far more subdued in her behavior considering that she'd been lined up to breathe vacuum.

We actually got along pretty well since our ages were close and could talk about things that we'd both witnessed or experienced. Ruth's CAP of 6.2 probably helped a lot with our discussions even though I knew she must feel pressure by "owing me" for the opportunity to continue breathing air.

It was real easy to assign motivations to gratitude, not recalling the gratitude is the emotion with the shortest half-life.

The next one to drop in my lap was Hannah, a much younger woman who was about as curvy as a stick. She'd been dumped for fighting with the other woman in her sponsor's group.

Again, I figured that saving her from being vacuumed would calm her down. It did, too-- and her CAP was also fairly reasonable, too, at 5.9.

The three of us got along pretty well, too, even if Ruth and I could talk over Hannah's head on occasion. At least we both had the sensitivity to work Hannah into our conversations, especially at mealtimes.

I found myself taking in a woman who had been ejected by two different sponsors. Dawn was a tougher woman, a 6.0, who, to my eye, looked sleekly cat-like. I can't explain why or how she ended up settling in as comfortably as she did with my other two companions, but she didn't fight or argue with Ruth or Hannah, much less me.

All three women were comfortable for me to be around and we had a lot of good times discussing the extractions we'd been through and the things we were learning about where we were going. I treated them as best I could, not wanting to screw things up any more than they already were.

I have to admit that it was very nice to have three women who were solicitous of me.

I'll also admit that getting involved with any of them sexually scared the crap out of me so I did my best to avoid any sign of interest in any of them, treating them as correctly-- and distantly-- as I could... and having the pod provide them better clothing than the smocks that seemed to be only slightly better than hospital gowns.

So, needless to say, I didn't do much more than talk to them... though I did, to some degree, like the show, when they did choose to expose themselves to me.

This colonial transport was one of the smaller ones with only 6 rings of pods. I spent a lot of time, when I wasn't being oriented, trained or undergoing the enhancements that naval personnel found most useful, talking to the human crew of the ship.

The ship's AI was open to talking to me, especially as part of my training, and I used as much time as I could in learning how to manage a ship.

My... companions... managed to avoid getting into trouble. They didn't much of me, either, but I kept getting strange looks from them. After the second week in space, all three started to look scared around me.

"Bob", Ruth, the oldest of the three women asked, one evening, "what are we to you?"

I sat back, shocked. "I'm not sure. Other than a threat to me-- because you can hurt me-- what should you be to me?"

Hannah, the youngest at 33, chimed in, with "Your lovers? Your concubines? Your servants? We sure as hell won't be able to be your bosses!"

I wasn't really ready to have the "relationship" part of this discussion get focused on, so I countered with "Why should you be anything to me? I'll care for you and try to keep you from harm... but as long as you stay out of my way and don't fuck things up for me, you can do as you want, at least here, in my pod."

Ruth jumped back in, adding "Well, as your... concubines... we are supposed to be there for your comfort, you know. And, to be honest, I wish you'd choose to make changes to my body, at least, and I'm sure the both Hannah and Dawn would like you to do so as well. Looking around at others on this ship I'm really not pleased to still look like a fifty-five year old woman, even if I can look this way for a long time."

That stopped me, and I stared at each woman in turn, looking over their bodies, as if I hadn't seen them before.

"And", Dawn threw in, "Why didn't you choose to cut down on your apparent age, yourself?"

This threw me off. "What?"

Ruth jumped back in, trying to be careful, "You, Bob, are the only one, right now, who can arrange for changes to our bodies... and your own. And... I know I might get spaced for asking this... are you homosexual?"

That last remark really kicked me back. I replied "Of course not! Hell, I'm pretty damn homophobic!"

Ruth looked me in the eye, adding "So why haven't you even tried to bed any of us?"

This really was not something I wanted to discuss now. I checked the looks I was getting from Dawn and Hannah, who seemed to be in agreement with Ruth, nodding. I didn't have much of a come-back, so I fell back on the formula that did not work well with my wife in getting an answer but sure did work to deflect attention: "What do you want?"

This brought a feral grin to all three women. Ruth jumped in "I want a sexy body that you want to fuck. I want to be able make you horny as often as possible. I don't want you to have to avoid us. I want to have a pussy that tastes good enough that both Hannah and Dawn will want to lick it... when you're not. I want big soft lips to wrap around your dick so you know I enjoy it."

Hannah put her hand up, saying "I want to be beautiful to you. I want to be desired by you..."

Dawn was quiet. "I don't expect you can do much for me until you make me white, but..."

I put up my hand. "All three of you are beautiful women, as you are, today. I already like you all, it's just that... ummmm... I don't want slaves. I don't want to be owed anything. I don't ever want to feel like I'm getting a mercy fuck, or that the act is in exchange for something else..."

Damn! In trying to comfort them, I exposed a bit more of myself than I ever wanted to. I didn't want to hear anyone laugh at me...

Ruth stopped like she slammed into a transparent wall and stared at me. When she finally recovered the power of speech she added "But you're a 7! How the fuck could you be so...so..."

It had taken a while, but I finally laughed, trying to cover my own hurts. "Take it easy, my CAP score isn't that much better than Rita's, for intance, or Dawn's, I'm a man, and, CAP or no CAP, I'm really nothing special. Capische?"

Ruth sighed. "Can you please do something about our bodies, though? I'd really like to lose a hundred pounds."

Both Hannah and Dawn gave me confirming nods to let me know that they, too, wanted some changes made.

I sighed. I got them off some of the more uncomfortable subjects I still didn't want to deal with and nodded. "All right, we'll start on that in the morning."

I let each woman have input in designing changes to their own bodies, something, I am told, is unusual. These three women even went over talking me into making edits on my own body. I did get previews because I had to actually approve any changes.

All three of my companions didn't look any older than, say, fifteen, though they all had wider hips and a good shape to them. I didn't even have Dawn's skin lightened, either, opting instead to darken it, which intensified her exotic appeal. With their new body shapes, each of the women did prove themselve comfortable in being nude within the pod. It wasn't until later that I was able to accept this as an expression of their pride.

The day we broke out of hyper within the solar system we'd be calling home, I arrived back in the pod and found all three of "my" women in a daisy chain, licking each other in a circle. I found this as exciting as any other man would have but, instead of joining in, I quickly moved into my sleeping cubicle to take matters into my own hands, in privacy, where no one could laugh at me.

"Bob," Hannah asked, looking upset after we had dinner, "Why didn't you join us this afternoon? Don't you want any of us?"

Again with a question I didn't want to deal with.

I sat back from the table and looked at Ruth and Dawn, who both were watching me like hawks, a bit of worry on their faces.

"I do like you all and have always found you attractive, but, in this case, it isn't related to any of you three, all right? And I'd really prefer to not deal with this set of issues, understood?"

I got nods from all three. They all seemed like sad nods, too, but it helped maintain the status quo.

I might not have been happy... but, for once, I was not actively unhappy, either.

Six months later little had changed, other than a Civil Service rep talking me into taking on a pregnant woman who'd been left bereft of a sponsor, hers having died in fighting the Sa'arm. At this point, despite a stronger libido, I still hadn't had sex with any of the woman I'd accumulated on the ship, much less the pregnant woman. Each time Ruth brought up the subject of sex, I told them they were free to have sex with each other and that I'd be glad to lend them out to the Civil Service to impregnate.

I'd spent two of those months in basic training for the Navy and then been in Research and Development-- otherwise known as Ruin and Destroy-- trying to weaponize more of the "innocent" tech we'd been granted access to by the Confederacy AIs and the Darjee. I'd been doing pretty well, too, in finding new tricks to try out, that would fine-tune the capabilities of our ships.

At home in my pod, my four companions didn't tend to hide their assignations from me, and, so, I could walk into some, well, entertaining scenes. Those scenes did help inspire me when I was safely alone.

It did wear on me, at least a little bit, but the shit hit the fan, finally, when I got another visit from Holly, the local centurion of the Civil Service. That she looked a bit grim did trigger some anxiety, given how I'd accepted Kim, so I asked what was bothering her.

"Bob, it's come to my attention that none of the concubines that had arrived with you is pregnant. Is this your choice? And, if so, why?"

That this bothered me can be taken as read. "Why would you care? Why would anyone care?"

Getting a frown from a woman who'd previously been friendly with me, at least until this point, gave me a sudden feeling of worry. "In case you haven't paid attention during the trip out here, we need humans to breed, and, importantly, as quickly as possible. This is as important in defeating the Sa'arm as delivering weapons, so, it's one of my jobs to make sure that as many human pregnancies are in progress as possible. You were extracted seven months ago... where are the pregnancies? You should have at least one-- if not two-- under way already."

All right, so this was a startling reminder of some of the orientation materials I hadn't been comfortable accepting. "Given what I've seen, here," I replied, "I figured to loan them out to someone else to impregnate."

I caught a flash of anger as it crossed her face. "Are you an idiot or what? Don't you recall any of the preferential policies?"

"What policies?" shot from my mouth around the foot I had just put in there.

She sat back and stared at me, suddenly looking tired. "We want high CAPs to breed, first. None of your women will be fertile until you get them going. Mind you, you may choose to have sex with them each just once, just to get their ovaries active, and then let some other man put babies into them, but it is you who are supposed to be making more of a contribution."

I laughed. "Yeah, right. Fuck that shit. None of them are here with me because they want me, Holly, they're here because they wanted to survive, and I was just someone who could give them a lift. And, because they probably feel like they owe me something I'll be damned if I'm ever going to pressure them for a damn thing, you hear me?"

The crescendo had attraced all six of my companions, who stood there, watching.

Holly dragged my attention back to her, saying, gently, "So, Bob... what do you want?"

It was there, in front of everyone, that I broke down.

So much for my "good" CAP score.

I learned, once I'd gotten past the crisis phase, that many of the people who emigrate, as I did, still have unresolved emotional baggage. It comes with being human.

Unfortunately, none of my baggage had wheels to make it easier to carry. Nor did the Confederacy consider the need for psychiatric care for either the volunteers or the concubines.

Through it all, I worried about the all four of the people I had accepted responsibity for... and who I couldn't bear to see hurt, or to hurt them myself, by abandoning them.

Military discipline, I had previously discovered, does work to help you maintain a wall of denial around your own emotional pains... but does nothing to enable healing, so emotional wounds have an opportunity to fester. I was told that I had let mine fester quite long enough, thank you very much, and it was time to heal.

We humans all carry emotional wounds, you see. Not just the selectees, but those who we bring with us. CAP scores are usually sensitive to emotional pain, though, sometimes, that pain may enhance performance, though not necessarily in a meaningful way. It turned out that my CAP score, as high as it was, was actually reduced by some of the baggage I was dragging.

I'd jumped from a world where I was certain that I was truly unlovable to a world where there was no way to tell if I was loved for myself, much less lovable.

Some people have the emotional strength to deal with their needs more directly. Some, like me, don't, so we do our best to hide our feeling of inadequacy, and. apparently, a strong ego cuts into one's CAP score. When I first got my score I had felt like there was something terribly wrong with the system and someone-- or some thing-- was just waiting for the best time to pop out of the woodwork and point at me, laughing, just to increase my pain.

One part of my therapy consisted of going back to Earth for two months with a lowered CAP score on my ID. Well, 6.1 was a lot lower, for me, but it made sure that I wouldn't be attractive just for my ability to give someone a ride off the old rock. I was told that someone would find me to be lovable.

Mind you, there's a bit of a shortage of women on earth.

Of course, an old movie came to mind...

Earth... needs... women.

The funny thing is that I didn't find Roberta, she found me.

I've always loved sailing and was at an in-water boat show when we met.

I sat down with my lunch when this tall and gangly woman sat down opposite me and looked over the brochures I had at hand before remarking "Having fun?"

She was kind of intimidating... but I looked up at her and smiled. "Yes, I like these shows."

She laughed, a sweet sound. "Well, you look insufferably pleased with yourself. I kept seeing you looking over the boats and wondered what you were making of them, especially given the Sa'arm."

I looked at her, carefully, and sighed. "Somehow I wonder how well the Sa'arm would handle oceans. I've been thinking that there'd be a place to withdraw to, though I wonder if there's a minimum size that, for boats larger than that, would make a target of opportunity for the Sa'arm."

That got me thinking. Submersibles, for instance... but I looked back to the woman.

Her eyes crinkled as she smiled, then she put her hand out, adding "Roberta Hudson."

"Bob White" I said, shaking her hand. I liked her already.

We settled down to eating lunch and talked about what we wanted to see. I think I had her laughing almost as often as she had me laughing.

She smiled as we got up, saying, "You're cute. What's your CAP?"

I fished out my ID with the lowered score I'd been issued, handing it to her to read. I didn't want to lie to her by saying the falsified score out loud.

"Owww... that must hurt. I'm a seven... and I like you."

I nodded. "I like you too."

Her smile made my heart ache.

We toured more of the boats... and she pulled me into one of the cabins and kissed me senseless.

Once I got over my shock, I kissed her back. She giggled as we opened the cabin door for the next people to look in, and held hands as we moved onto the deck, climbing to the foredeck where we could hang our feet over the side.

We kissed a lot more and held each other, before I asked her why, by "Bobbi... why so forward? I'm... well..."

She looked at me, a sparkle in her eyes, "I've got four I can pick to take with me... if I manage to get picked up. I liked you when I saw you. You move well, you seem to be relaxed, your brain seems to work... and you act like I'm beautiful."

I frowned. "But you are beautiful!"

She laughed, adding, "Yeah, right! I'm over six feet tall, all straight lines for a body, flat as an ironing board... all I've got going for me is my CAP score!"

I sighed. "I liked you and found you attractive before I knew you had a good CAP score. You have a beautiful smile, pretty eyes... and a warm heart. If that isn't enough, I have no idea what is, Bobbi." I closed this by pulling her close to me and kissed her. It felt good to me that I got no resistance from her.

That started us dating.

Dating, as I recalled, was different years ago, where you did not spend 99.44% of your time together. The hell of it was that I wasn't the one who seemed to be pursuing Roberta, it was a case that she wanted me around as much as possible. She was off for that week when we started it, spending it all together.

I'll admit that I wasn't pursuing her sexually. Oh, sure, she was beautiful to my eyes, and it felt good to hug and cuddle her.

Roberta, however, initiated our sexual relationship, telling me she loved me. This felt so good that I had no problem reflecting that sentiment. She seemed to be perfect for me.

We'd only been together for three days when we went to an amusement park... and an interdiction field materialized around one of the larger dining halls. We were inside.

When the volunteers were called, Bobbi grabbed my hand, saying, "You, love, are coming with me! Don't you get lost on me, you hear?"

Well, a sense of dread had me wondering how long our relationship would last once she found out that I wasn't the nobody she thought I was.

When we got to the extraction team, she walked me up to the Captain and told her I was with her.

"Ma'am, are you sure you're not with him? Long time no see, Bob."

Roberta stared at me. I told her "Do you love me?"

In shock, she said, "Yes. You're... what I've wanted... and thought I'd never deserve."

I paused. "You're the first one in years to get me to feel lovable, dearest. And that's part of why I'm back here, on earth, to get over my complex... and, if you still love me, we can be together."

After Bobbi grabbed for my hand again and squeezed it in hers she turned to the Captain, asking "So, what happens now?"

She laughed. "He never collected anyone when he was first lifted... how many short of your four are you, any way?"

I laughed. "I'm not likely to pick anyone to lift with me this time, I have a full stable at home."

Watching the senior member of the pick-up team suddenly start communing with the AIs again was a surprise. "Bob, I am told that you have an allowance for two new bodies. Of course, if you don't want to pick, why don't you have your partner, here, use those slots?"

Bobbi looked at me, carefully, pulling me to face her and taking both of my hands, asking, in a hiss, "Just who the fuck are you?"

"I really am Robert White," I answered, afraid of going any further.

Unfortunately, the officer we stood next to filled in the blank. "Miss, he was a seven four, before, but in the eval done after some therapy, he's an eight seven, now. When we first picked him up he decided not to pick anyone to go with him, I just hope he's not gonna pull that shit this time."

Bobbi's eyes got real big, asking me "And you... you... want me? Why?"

My eyes were on her as I replied "Because you loved me even when I didn't love me."

This clinch confirmed that a good part of Bobbi's CAP score was a talent at psychological warfare: she kissed me until my brain melted even though I did my best to do damage to her myself.

When we peeled ourselves back into the real world we were told to get our asses in gear and start picking concubines.

Bobbi switched to the Confederacy Navy from the Marines and we were soon shuffled through several ships in orbit before we got onto a transport heading for my home. Our six companions spent a lot of time with wide eyes watching us get shuffled around, waiting for us to get pissed off over the runaround.

The first thing, though, once the initial medical screening was done on Roberta, was for us to fuck each other's brains out. We were only partially successful, so we tried it again. And again.

By the time we'd gotten to our transport, it had just arrived at Earth, Roberta was encouraging me to try out some of our companions.

It was, well, emotionally difficult for me, even then. I had to have Bobbi there, holding my hand, encouraging me to make love to a woman other than her, and kissing both of us when I finally reached my own climax. Paula, the woman, acted so happy that I had confirmed that I cared about her...

That evening I was sitting in the small galley in our pod with a cup of tea in front of me, the rest of our quarters dark, just enough light to see my tea. My mind was going back over how Ruth, Hannah and Dawn had behaved... and, late that night, I realized that they'd looked up to me... and had to have felt rejected, even if I hadn't pushed them all the way out.

When I crawled into bed with Bobbi she woke up enough to ask me to hold her.

I supported the folks loading the ship up through quite a few extractions. This was a much larger ship than I'd first been on.

When we made the jump into hyperspace I felt good-- I was on my way home.

Roberta and I settled down together, working together far better than I would have believed possible. She fitted into the R&D team I'd been a part of-- and was now leading-- so well I'd become certain that I'd finally met my soul mate.

I could now believe that there is such a think as love at first sight.

And my original set of companions?

Ruth, Hannah and Dawn each had a child by me less than a year after we returned... and managed to convince me, long before that point, that they had wanted me.

But it was Bobbi, herself, who'd shaken my certainty that I was incapable of happiness.

Now, though, the Sa'arm had damn well better watch out!