A Cure for the Hiccups

"I don't <hiccup> believe it!" I said as I threw my hands up in disgust. "How can I get the hiccups half an hour before I have the most important <hiccup> presentation of my life?" I leaned back in my chair, closed my eyes, and tried to wish the hiccups away. Concentrating all of my mental energy on making the hiccups disappear, I focused on willing them away. Didn't somebody say that the brain is capable of many amazing things? I hiccuped again. Whoever said that must not have had my brain in mind.

"Don't worry, Sarah. They'll go away," my best friend and colleague Alyssa reassured me.

"You don't under <hiccup> understand," I complained. "When I get the hic- <hiccup> hiccups, I really get the hiccups, they last for hours.

"Hours?" Alyssa asked, then paused as I hiccuped again. "That means you'll have to do your presentation with the..." I hiccuped again and she looked at me with a sympathetic frown, "...with the hiccups."

"But <hiccup> I can't! This is the most important thing in my career. I can't go in <hiccup> there with the hiccups. You gotta help me, Alyssa!"

"Try holding your breath."

"I did, it <hiccup> didn't help."

"How about breathing into a paper bag?" I shook my head in disgust and hiccuped. "Standing on your head?" Alyssa continued, "I know. Try drinking some water."

"How about if I just put a paper bag over my head and go hide in the corner?"

Alyssa laughed.

"I tried <hiccup> all of that. None of it worked. What am I gonna do? I'll be laughed out of the conference room if I go in there with <hiccup> these damn hiccups." I got out of my chair and paced back and forth in my office from the window to the door, desperately trying to think of something - anything to get rid of the stupid hiccups.

I hiccuped again as I paced by the desk.

And again as I reached the door.

"Hiccups aren't bad," Alyssa tried to be sympathetic. "You'll be able to get through your presentation. They'll understand."

"Are you nuts, Aly? This is going to be terrible. I'll be lucky if they don't put me in the mail room after this."

"It's not so bad. At least you don't have a case of the burps...or worse ."

Moving with a sudden rush of inspiration, Alyssa sat in front of my computer and maneuvered the mouse. Curious as to what she was up to, I stood behind her with a loud hiccup, resting my hands on the back of the chair. I watched as she started my Internet connection and asked, "What's your password?"

"Let me type it in," I answered as I leaned over and hiccuped in her ear.

"Don't you trust me?" she asked as she turned to me.

"No <hiccup>," I answered, "it's not anything like that, it's just that my password is a little embarrassing. Remember when Daniel was in charge of the computer systems, he changed my password to... well, it's a little <hiccup> embarrassing."

"I don't know what you ever saw in that guy, he reminded me of a caveman."

I laughed and answered, "That was part of his <hiccup> charm, but it wore out after the first night, if you know what I mean."

"You can change it, you know."

"What? My password? I know, but I keep forgetting to. Let me type <hiccup> it in."

"Just tell me what it is. It can't be that bad."

"OK, but you have to <hiccup> promise not to tell anybody."

"Hurry up, times ticking away. The presentation is in," she looked at her watch, "twenty-six minutes."

"Lick me now." I answered.

Alyssa turned to me and scrunched her face. "I would love to, but I don't think now is the time."

"Funny, Alyssa. That's my password, lick <hiccup> me, but with a dash in between the words."

"I know. I was just kidding, but if you ever get the urge to... you know."

I smiled uncomfortably at her and laughed softly. If she only knew. Ever since she came out of the closet and announced that she was a lesbian, thoughts of me and her drifted through my mind -- not that I would ever act on them. I kept my lesbian fantasies to myself and made myself happy with my normal, straight love life, what there was of one anyway. She typed in my password with a little smirk on her lips. "What are you <hiccup> doing anyway?" I asked as she maneuvered the mouse and opened the web browser.

"Let's see if we can find a way on the Internet to get rid of your hiccups. Everything else is there, maybe we'll find something that works."

"It's gonna take forever to find <hiccup> something. I've only got about fifteen minutes."

Alyssa looked at her watch, "We've got twenty-three minutes to find a cure for your hiccups. Let's try one of the search engines."

While the search engine page loaded, Alyssa nervously tapped the mouse with her finger and I stood, walked to the window, looked out and hiccupped. I heard Alyssa type something on the keyboard, but I didn't have much confidence in finding a cure that would work. I turned, looked at the back of Alyssa's head, and held my breath as I returned to my station behind her. One... two... three... I counted as I held my breath, desperately hoping against hope that for once, holding my breath would cure my hiccups. Five... six... I rested my hands on the back of Alyssa's chair and stared at the screen. Seven... eight... nine... hiccup. Damn hiccups.

"Nothing new here," Alyssa announced as she clicked the back button and returned to the search engine and tried another link.

"This is ridiculous. I'm doomed," I said as I turned away from the monitor and stared at the door. "I don't believe <hiccup> this. This presentation is going to make or break my career; I've worked for weeks on this and its <hiccup> perfect, but now I've got these stupid hiccups!"

Behind me, Alyssa giggled. I turned back to her and looked at the monitor. "What's so funny?" I asked.

"Nothing," Alyssa answered as she continued staring at the screen.

"C'mon. You laughed at something. Tell me what."

"It's just that... this site is ridiculous, and it's supposed to be from a doctor, but some of the cures are wild," she giggled again and I hiccuped. "Look at these cures," she continued as she read one out loud, "'Recline on your back, relax and undulate your stomach muscles while gently massaging them with your hands.' How the hell are you supposed to undulate your stomach muscles?"

"I don't even want to imagine," I answered.

"Listen to this one. Close your eyes, imagine that you are on a secluded island, sitting under a palm tree, feeling the warm breeze on your face. Concentrate on the calmness you feel. Feel the warmth of the tropical sun on your bare skin. Relax. Let the tenseness drift away." I interrupted her with a loud hiccup, "I guess that didn't work," she said as she looked at me and smiled.

"How much time do we have?" I asked.

Alyssa looked at her watch and answered, "Nineteen minutes. Don't worry, we'll find something," she said reassuringly.

"I doubt it," I answered.

Alyssa read off some of the other so-called cures from the site, each one more ridiculous than the next. They ranged from standing on my head and counting backwards from a thousand while I concentrated on the most pleasant memory I could think of to drinking a large glass of flat soda with two whole lemons squeezed into it.

"Try some other site," I said as she giggled and gasped through some more cures.

I hiccupped again.

"Wait. This is funny stuff," she said. "I'm almost to the last one." As I watched her read the monitor, her mouth dropped and she gave a disbelieving laugh as she stared at the screen.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"C'mon, tell me."

"It's nothing, but..."

"But what?" I asked.

"Let me read the last cure he gives. 'If all else fails, then try the cure that almost never fails. Find a partner or a nice relaxing private spot, relax and have a mind blowing orgasm, but, and this is important, don't hold anything back, don't try to be quiet, don't try to suppress the orgasm. An intense screaming orgasm will make the hiccups disappear.'"

"Oh that'll work," I answered as I turned away and stared at my coat hanging on the wall. When did I get that spot on the sleeve?

"Wait, he says more. ' It is important to let the body relax but also important to let the screams of pleasure out. By muffling them, you only increase the tension in your abdomen and don't give the hiccups a chance to disappear. By moaning and screaming you allow your abdomen to relax and release the tension within.'" Alyssa turned to me and added, "It's worth a try you know."

"Yeah right. Where exactly am I going to have a mind <hiccup> blowing screaming orgasm? These walls are pretty thin you know."

"Everybody's out of the office," Alyssa pointed out, "At least on this side of the building, so if we close the door nobody will hear you."

"I can't, and <hiccup> anyway, it takes me a while to get going. I only have what, ten minutes before I have to begin the presentation."

"Fifteen," Alyssa answered as she glanced at her watch.

"That's not enough time. I mean I'll have to have my screaming orgasm, then somehow find time to clean <hiccup> up. I don't want to go into the presentation smelling like... you know. It takes me at least twenty minutes to get myself really... you know… screaming."

"I could help, you know."

"I don't think so," I answered. "Even when I'm with <hiccup> somebody, it takes me a while to get going, and I'm straight, remember. And anyway, I don't think having an orgasm no matter how mind-blowing will get rid of my hiccups."

"I could have you screaming in three minutes," Alyssa answered confidently.

"Three minutes?" I answered as I looked at her disbelievingly. "I don't think so."

"Really. At the most it would take five minutes to get you moaning and screaming with a mind-blowing intense orgasm that you wouldn't believe." Alyssa glanced at her watch. "You have fourteen minutes before the presentation. Take five minutes away for me to give you your orgasm, then another three minutes for you to fix yourself up and that gives you six minutes to get into the conference room and get your stuff set-up. It's your choice."

"OK. I don't think it'll work, but I'm desperate. Tell me what to do."

Alyssa glanced around the room, stood, and turned the chair. "Sit here," she said as she stood and walked to the door. She glanced both ways down the hallway, closed the door, and returned to me. "C'mon. Sit down, we don't have much time."

I took a deep breath and playfully asked, "If I do this. Does that mean that I'm a lesbian? Will I have to cut my hair really short?"

Alyssa smiled warmly at me and shook her head slowly. "No, but it might make you want me to do it to you again." Alyssa giggled, knelt in front of the chair, and pulled her long hair behind her shoulders. "C'mon, sit down."

I sat down, closed my eyes, and looked down at Alyssa as she smiled at me. "I just want you to know that I don't want to do this, but I'm desperate. I don't plan on enjoying this and I don't think you'll be able to make me... you know."

"Oh, I will," Alyssa answered as she glanced at her watch before sliding it off her wrist and handing it to me. "Time me," she said as she handed her watch to me.

I took the watch from her and looked at it, twelve minutes until my presentation. "Hurry up, I'm running out of time."

Alyssa pushed her hands under my skirt, grabbed my panties, and pulled them down. As she slid them off my feet, she looked up at me and ordered, "Open your legs."

With a deep breath, I spread my legs open, hiccuped as I watched her push my skirt up to my waist. "You can help a little, it might save us a little time if you unbutton your blouse and play with your nipples a little. Just so you know," she said as she moved her head between my legs, "normally, I just don't dive in like this. I would normally spend a lot of time suckling on your breasts and softly caressing your pussy with my fingers, but desperate times call for desperate measures."

I glanced at the door, confirming that it was locked then unbuttoned my blouse. Alyssa softly kissed my inner thigh and my eyes opened wide in surprise as her tongue ran up and down my labia. As I pulled my breasts out of the cups of my bra, Alyssa's fingers found my clitoris and she pulled the protective hood back. Her tongue flicked against my exposed clit; I gasped as I felt an erotic pulse race from my clit. Then I hiccupped.

Her tongue flicked against my clitoris again, and then it slowly slid down the length of my pussy then back up, the entire flat part of her tongue pressed against my labia. As she reached my clitoris again, she softly wrapped her lips around it and pulled it into her mouth, flicking her tongue on it as she varied the suction.

Her finger slid between my labia in mid hiccup, and I pinched my nipples as my breaths came faster and shallower. I opened my eyes and glanced at the watch, only twelve minutes until my presentation. As I stared at the watch, Alyssa sucked harder, nibbling softly on my clitoris. Three of her fingers were now sliding in and out of my slit and a soft moan escaped my lips.

Alyssa pulled her mouth away for a second and looked up at me, continuing to slide her fingers in and out of my pussy. "Let it all out, Sarah," she said before returning her mouth to my clitoris. I hiccuped and she gently nibbled on my clit as she continued to fuck me with her fingers. Her other hand slid to my butt and softly caressed it. The finger brushed against my asshole, then slid to my pussy, slowly probing it as her other fingers continued to slide in and out. Her finger returned to my ass, and the now slick finger rapidly slid across my opening, wetting it and causing me to moan loudly. Nobody had ever done that to me before; it felt naughty but nice as it increased the lustful waves of pleasure racing through my body.

As the tip of her finger slid into me, she pulled my clitoris into her mouth and sucked deeply. A loud moan escaped my lips as I began to climax. Barely able to breathe, I squeezed my nipples and my head fell back as I pushed my pussy against her mouth. Unable to stop myself, my moans grew louder and a loud gasp escaped my mouth. Alyssa sucked harder on my clitoris; my hands grabbed the back of her head and I pushed her into me, wanting her to keep doing what she was doing.

A loud guttural scream left my throat and I felt my eyes roll back into my head. My hips were pumping against her fingers as she rapidly slid them in and out. Her teeth bit into my clitoris, harder than before and her finger slid partially into my butt. I lost complete control and bucked against her, pulling her head tightly against my pussy.

Unable to take anymore, I tried pulling her away from my pussy, but she grabbed my ass with her hands and kept her mouth tightly clamped against my pussy. With a loud scream, I felt my orgasm intensify even further as my body stiffened and my head arched back onto the chair. With another loud scream of ecstasy, I fell back onto the chair and Alyssa finally pulled her mouth out from between my legs. She looked at me, a sexy smile on her lips as she asked, "I told you I could do it," she said as she reached for the watch. "Four and a half minutes and you had a loud screaming orgasm."

"Oh my gawd," I said as I tried to breathe deeply and regain my composure.

Alyssa put her finger into her mouth and closed her eyes, "You're delicious."

I closed my eyes as my body came down from the intense orgasm. "Nobody's ever... I said as a little aftershock of the orgasm raced through my body causing my muscles to momentarily contract. "Nobody's ever made me feel like that before."

"I told you." Alyssa answered with a satisfied smile. "I bet if you gave me a few hours, I could make you have an orgasm that makes that one feel like nothing. A few candles in a darkened room, a nice relaxing massage, hours of kissing and caresses and we could have a lot of fun."

"I'll have to think about that," I answered as I relaxed in the chair. "Does this make me a lesbian?" I asked with a silly, contented grin, "I mean I really enjoyed that. Does that mean that I have to wear men's clothes and sensible shoes now?"

"Do I wear men's clothes or wear sensible shoes?” she answered with a smirk. “What it does mean is that you have six minutes until you have to give your presentation."

I opened my eyes and sat up. "Damn, I forgot all about that," I said as I stood and straightened my skirt. "Hey, I think the hiccups are gone."

Alyssa nodded her head, "I think so, but you better hurry up and get ready. You need to brush out your hair."

I walked across to the mirror mounted in my closet and looked at myself. My hair was a mess and I looked like... well I looked like I just had a mind-blowing orgasm. I quickly brushed out my hair, pushed my breasts back into my bra, and buttoned my blouse before I returned to my desk. Alyssa handed me my briefcase and laptop. "Hurry up," she said as she smiled at me. I walked to the door, and as I reached for the doorknob, Alyssa called out, "Oh Sarah. Aren't you forgetting something?"

"I don't know," I answered. I don't think so. I've got my laptop, my notes are in my briefcase and Denny the techie promised me that all I would have to do once I got into the conference was hook up one cable and click an icon on the laptop." I shrugged my shoulders and added, "I think I've got everything."

"How about these?" Alyssa asked as she pulled her hands out from behind her back and dangled my panties in the air. "I'll keep them for you," she said with a giggle as she glanced at her watch, "You've got two minutes."

I gave her a hurried smile and turned the doorknob. As I stepped into the hall, three male coworkers looked out of their cubicle at me broke into loud applause. I turned bright red as I pretended to ignore them and rushed down the hall to the conference room.

The presentation went without a hiccup.