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My Adventures in Hollywood: Lizzy Caplan
by RandyPan (randypanthegoatboy@gmail.com)

***

Writer has drunken sex with Lizzy Caplan. (MF, celeb-
parody)

***

My name is Benny, and I'm 29 years old. I wrote a 
script; a hard-R, 80s throwback, revenge movie, about 
a female prosecutor whose entire family is killed by 
the mob, so she goes on a killing spree with a sawed-
off shotgun. The kind of thing James Glickenhaus used 
to make.

So, I got a call about a week ago, a female voice(and 
a sexy one at that), saying my script crossed her 
path, and she absolutely loves it, and she's flying 
out to Boston to meet me, and talk about getting it 
made.

Last night, I was sitting in the Mexican bar and 
grill down the street from my apartment. At roughly 
the agreed upon time, Lizzy Caplan walked in. I 
certainly wasn't expecting that.

"Wow, you said you were a big guy, but you're fucking 
huge. How tall are you?"

"Six-six."

"Shit." She shook my hand, and sat down.

"That's what I said when I saw it was you."

"So, you're a fan?"

"Ever since The Pitts."

She giggled. "You watched that show?"

"Yeah, the whole month and a half it was on." She 
out-and-out laughed this time.

"Well, let's order some drinks."

She ordered two shots of tequila, and we started to 
discuss my script; she was starting her own 
production company, and was interested in making my 
script her first project. As the evening went on, 
several more shots were ordered, as we hashed out the 
details of our deal.

Sometime after closing time, we stumbled back to my 
building. Believe it or not, we both drank the same 
amount, but were the same level of drunk. And I 
thought I could hold my liquor.

"Well, thanks for walking me back, I guess. I can 
call you a cab if you like."

"Ooohhh no. You're not getting rid of me that easy." 
She got up on her tippy-toes and gave me a long kiss.

"Okay, now I know you're drunk. Even I'm starting to 
look good to you."

"Shut up and open the door."

As soon as I shut my front door, Lizzy jumped up on 
me, and continued making out with me.

"Hmm, where's your bedroom, big guy?"

"This way." I carried her to my room, as she chewed 
on my earlobe.

Once there, she got down, and started kissing around 
my neck and chest, rubbing her hands up and down my 
chest and shoulders, and grinding her hips against 
the front of my jeans.

"Well, someone came prepared." Lizzy rubbed my bulge 
with her hand, then started undoing my jeans, before 
finally sliding her hand down the front of them, and 
wrapping it around my granite-hard cock, and then 
whispering, "Take your shirt off."

She kissed down my bare chest and stomach, then 
pulled down my pants and boxers, causing my cock to 
bounce out, and then she wrapped her lips around the 
head, and started licking and sucking on it, while 
stroking the shaft with her hand. "Uhhh...fffuck..."

Periodically, she pulled it out, licked up the shaft, 
and flicked her tongue on that spot just under the 
head. After a bit of this, she paused for half a 
minute to take her shirt off, and remove her bra, 
then wrapped her big titties around my cock, moaning 
as she rubbed her soft titty flesh on my swollen, 
bright red cock-head. She alternately sucked me off 
and titty-fucked me, until I felt I was about to cum.

"Uhm, wait. I wanna do you now."

Lizzy stripped down completely, than lay down on my 
bed. I got down on top of her, and we again kissed, 
tongues writhing together, then I moved down, kissed 
down her neck, making her shiver a little, then down 
her shoulders. She lifted her arms, sighing, and put 
her hands behind her head, so I kissed and licked her 
armpits, which made her flinch; presumably she's 
ticklish under there. 

I got to her breasts, and squeezed them roughly, 
while I licked and sucked on her pebble-hard nipples. 
"Uhm..." I continued kissing down, inch by inch, down 
her stomach, licking around the rim of her navel, and 
sticking my tongue in, continuing down. 

I kissed around her bush, as she slowly spread her 
legs, and then I kissed and caressed her inner 
thighs, and even touched the backs of them with my 
fingertips, again making her flinch slightly.

I then started teasing her pussy, licking up one side 
of it, and then the other. "Ha-a-a-a-a-aaah..." she 
sighed, as I licked closer and closer to her pussy, 
before finally burying my tongue in the middle, 
probing deeper with every stroke. 

"Oh! Oh, God!" 

I glanced up, and saw her squeezing her tits, digging 
her nails into them. "Oooh, GOD! This is so fucking 
good!" Her juices were practically gushing out of 
her, as my tongue probed ever deeper, and I started 
rubbing her clit rhythmically with my thumb. 

Suddenly, she sat up, put her hands on the back of my 
head, and just curled around it. I wish I could've 
seen her face, because she started screaming so loud, 
I was sure any second my neighbors would be banging 
on the walls. 

"OHGOD! OHGOD! FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!" Finally, 
she leaned back, and I started kissing my way back 
up. Just past her navel, she grabbed my hair, pulled 
my head up, and gave me the sexiest Kubrick stare 
I've ever seen. "Get up here and put your cock in me 
now, mother-fucker."

I crawled up, and slid my now throbbing cock into 
her, and her brow creased as I was going in. I put my 
hands on either side of her to support myself, but 
she grabbed my wrists, and placed my hands on her 
tits. "Lean on these."

Apparently, she really likes having her titties 
manhandled. She pulled me down, so she could put her 
arms around me. I began thrusting into her, and her 
face screwed up, as I began to speed up. Her nails 
dug into my back, and she started biting my neck, as 
I brought her to another intense orgasm.

I got up on my knees, grabbed her hips, and started 
going even harder. 

"OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD!" Her tits were bouncing hard, and 
the look on her face suggested she was feeling it all 
through her body. She grabbed my bed's posts, as if 
to say, "Don't hold back, mother-fucker! I'm not 
gonna break!" 

I went even harder, and she let out a scream that 
probably had at least one person thinking I was 
murdering someone in my apartment.

I felt my cock start to contract, so I quickly pulled 
it out, and completely douched Lizzy from neck to 
twat with my seed, which she then rubbed into her 
tits and stomach, while smiling and sighing deeply in 
satisfaction. I leaned back down, and we tongue-
kissed again, then I slumped down next to her. We 
fell asleep, knowing we would both be sore in the 
morning.

***

The morning after me and Ms. Caplan's drunken fling, 
she told me I should meet with her partner. So, I 
came out to LA, took a cab, and arrived at her front 
door, at the time that was scheduled. Or, well, one 
of them.

On ringing the bell, I heard a voice from inside, 
"Fuck! Hang on!" A minute or so later, the door was 
opened by Kat Dennings, wearing a long t-shirt and I 
assume a pair of panties, though I didn't see any, 
and generally looking like she just woke up. She even 
scratched her ass to get across how not with it she 
was at the moment. Somehow, in spite of this, she was 
still incredibly fucking hot.

"Oh, uh, did I come early?"

"Probably not. C'mon in." I came in, and she closed 
the door. "Yeah, looks like Lizzy gave us each 
different times. She does that sometimes. You are 
Lizzy's friend, right?"

"Uh, yeah. Did she, uh, tell you anything about me?"

"You mean how you two got drunk and fucked till you 
were sore? Yeah, she told me about that. Listen, I 
was about to take a shower. Join me?"

"Um, excuse me?"

"I'm always horny when I wake up. Usually, I 
masturbate in the shower, but it's not every day a 
tall, hot, Irish guy shows up at my door this early." 
She rubbed her hand on my chest as she said this.

"Um, I'm not Irish, I'm Scottish." She smiled and let 
out a small laugh. That's two hot Hollywood chicks 
who inexplicably think I'm a piece of ass. Is this 
some kind of elaborate prank, I thought?

The next thing I knew, me and Kat were naked, making 
out in the shower. Like Lizzy, she's more than a foot 
shorter than me, so she really had to crane her neck 
up. I'd seen her famously epic titties in those cell-
phone photos that went around, but now, having those 
babies right here in front of me, I just had to get 
my hands on them.

"Uhm... wait." She turned around, so I could grab 
them from behind. "Squeeze those titties. Squeeze 'em 
like you're trying to leave bruises. I fucking love 
the way that feels." She reached behind her, and 
slowly stroked my cock, while I squeezed and fondled 
her big tits, and kissed her neck and shoulders, 
causing her to purr. "Mmm-hm-hmm-uhm-mhm..."

A few minutes later, we were on her unmade bed, still 
soaking wet, making out, and rubbing our wet bodies 
together. Kat motioned me to lie back. My cock, 
believe it or not, felt like it was getting even 
harder than it already was, as Kat kissed her way 
slowly down my chest. She got to my stomach, and 
licked around the rim of my navel, before moving 
further down.

This was totally surreal. Kat Dennings had her 
luscious lips wrapped around my rock-hard cock. The 
only way I could describe it is she was making love 
to my cock with her lips, mouth, and tongue; moving 
her mouth up and down on it slowly and rhythmically, 
sucking harder as she pulled out, licking the head 
all the time. She was so good at it, I kept feeling 
like I could go off at any second, but she managed to 
keep me from shooting my load.

Next thing I knew, she had my face squeezed between 
her tits. I gave them a good, hard squeeze, which 
made her nipples nice and pointy, so I sucked on 
them, which caused her to moan a little. I even bit 
down gently on them. "Uh, harder, baby..."

I kissed down her stomach, which was still hot from 
the shower, rubbed my face on her soft bush, and then 
proceeded to slide my tongue inside her practically 
dripping snatch. "Uhm...hm...mmm..." 

With my thumbs, I held open her pussy lips, and ran 
my tongue over every square centimeter, licking up 
her juices which were practically dribbling out of 
her. 

Finally, I decided to just concentrate on her little 
clitty, so I held her lips open, and licked up one 
side of it, then the other, slowly and rhythmically, 
like she had done. This definitely got a good 
response out of her; it wasn't long at all before she 
came.

Now, she was straddling me, and lowered herself onto 
my dick. Her pussy was tight and hot. She had her 
hands clamped down on my shoulders, as she rid me, 
causing her titties to bounce fairly roughly. She 
sped up a little, her face screwed up like she was 
going to sneeze, and her boobs started to bounce even 
faster. As she went faster and faster, her boobs 
started to bounce so hard, I was thinking they must 
hurt, but she didn't seem to be complaining.

After she came a few times, Kat got down off me, and 
wrapped her tits around my cock. She started jerking 
me off with those big titties, and it was working. 
After a dozen or so strokes, I felt my cock contract, 
and I blew a huge load all over them. Kat rubbed my 
jism into her huge tits, then came back up, and we 
kissed hungrily for a couple of minutes, before she 
said, "Weren't we gonna talk about your script?" 

We spent the rest of the morning lying naked on her 
bed, reading through my screenplay.

END

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It's okay to *READ* stories about unprotected sex with 
others outside a monogamous relationship. But it isn't 
okay to *HAVE* unprotected sex with people other than a 
trusted partner. 4-million people around the world 
contract HIV every year. You only have one body per 
lifetime, so take good care of it!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kristen's collection - Celebrity Parody Archive