("`-''-/").___..--''"`-._ `6_ 6 ) `-. ( ).`-.__.`) (_Y_.)' ._ ) `._ `. ``-..-' _..`--'_..-_/ /--'_.' ,' (((' (((-((('' (((( K R I S T E N' S C O L L E C T I O N _________________________________________ WARNING! This text file contains sexually explicit material. If you do not wish to read this type of literature, or you are under age, PLEASE DELETE THIS FILE NOW!!!! _________________________________________ Scroll down to view text -------------------------------------------------------- This work is copyrighted to the author © 2014. Please do not remove the author information nor make any changes to this story. All rights reserved. Thank you for your consideration. -------------------------------------------------------- Guinness and Bushmills by RandyPan (randypanthegoatboy@gmail.com) *** What if Alicia Witt and Saoirse Ronan ran a bar in Ireland? (FF, oral, rom, celeb-parody) *** Author's Note: For the sake of not every celebrity story of mine involving Hollywood and film-making, the actresses in this are basically themselves if they weren't actresses. *** In the heart of Dublin, a young Irish woman named Saoirse tended an almost empty bar. Saoirse recently inherited this pub from a dead relative she never even met. The place wasn't doing so great when she got it, and now, with just her working there, it was failing. Her only patron of the night was Alicia, an older, ginger-haired Irish-American from Boston. Alicia was between jobs, but certainly wasn't hurting for money, so she decided to take a trip to the old country. "Slow night?" "Yeh. Worse than you think; I may have to close this place soon." "Really? Nice place like this?" "Well, part of the problem is I can't get any help. Any relatives I do have are wanting to distance themselves from that old Irish stereotype, so I'm not getting any assistance from them." "You mean the one about all Irish people being drunkards?" "Yeah, that one." "Speaking of which, another Guinness?" "Yeh, alright." Saoirse stuck a new glass under the tap and pulled the handle that said 'Guinness'. "You know what Patton Oswalt said about the Guinness in Ireland? He describes it as 'a cupcake and handjob smoothie'." Saoirse chuckled. "Yeh, I heard that." Alicia took the beer, and took a sip. "Damn, that's good." She whispered to herself. Then, aloud to Saoirse, "So, supposing you had even one person helping out, you think you might be able to keep this place afloat?" "Mmm, I guess so?" Saoirse looked deep in thought as she said this. "Why do you ask?" "Well, I lost my job recently, and since I've been over here, I've been thinking I might want to move here permanently." "What, seriously? You wanna help me keep this place running? You don't even know me." "I already know you're nicer than anyone else I've ever worked for. Also, I like your accent." Alicia took a swig of her beer. Saoirse smirked, then offered her hand. "Saoirse." "Alicia." They shook hands. As it turned out, Alicia's help made a huge difference. Over the months that followed, customers did find their way to the place. It got to the point where, on Fridays and Saturdays, the place would be almost packed. It would be on one of these Saturdays that a key incident in the two's relationship would take place. Alicia was waiting tables that night. These two seriously shit-faced American tourists were sitting on the end of the bar, and, as Alicia was passing, one of them grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap, causing her to drop her tray, shattering the two mugs that were on it. Alicia elbowed the guy in the ribs, causing him to drop her, and yell, "Fucking bitch!" Before the situation could escalate, Saoirse pulled a baseball bat from behind the bar, and prodded the first guy in the back. "Both of ye, out now!" "Hey, lighten up, just having some fu—" The guy was cut off by Saoirse hitting him in the jaw with the bat. As he was spitting up teeth, she pointed the bat at the other guy, who looked like he was shitting himself. "You! Clean that shit up, and then both of you get the fuck out!" To Alicia's surprise, the guy actually cleaned up the glass, with a 'Please don't hurt me' look on his face the whole time. Saoirse then went out and helped Alicia up. "You alright?" "Yeah, I'm-I'm good." Alicia seemed more stunned at what she'd just witnessed than anything. A few months later, the two were sitting on either side of the bar after closing, sharing a bottle of Bushmills. "D'ye realize you've been here nearly a year?" "Really? Wow. Can't believe it's been that long." She took a shot, then passed the bottle to Saoirse. Saoirse poured herself a shot, while she talked. "Anyway, I really want to thank you for all ye've done. I mean, you've been just amazing." She drank the shot. "You've been pretty awesome yourself. The way you handled those two tourists that one time? Never seen anything like it." "Yeah, well, you fuck with my friends, I'm gonna tear you a new arsehole, that's just how it is." Sometime later, the two drunkenly shuffled upstairs, to the apartment over the bar, where the two of them lived. "Well, see you in the morning." "Alicia, wait." "Hm?" "I, uh, was just thinking, ye know, if you want to, you can sleep in the bed with me tonight, rather than on that old couch." Alicia looked in Saoirse's eyes, and instantly knew what she was really thinking. "Oh, my love." Closing her eyes, Alicia leaned in. Saoirse did the same, and their lips met. Alicia had secretly wanted to do this since the tourist incident, but realized it might not be appropriate. Saoirse also discovered that night what she felt for Alicia, when she realized how angry she was, seeing that guy basically assault her. Their lips moved together, as they embraced, rubbing their hands all over each other. Holding the lip-lock, they moved awkwardly toward Saoirse's bed. On reaching it, Saoirse fell back clumsily on it. Alicia, still standing, chuckled, and immediately took her shirt off, followed by her bra, and Saoirse followed suit. Alicia then took off her jeans, and then crawled on top of Saoirse, and they continued to kiss. Soon, Alicia started to move down, kissing down Saoirse's neck, then her chest, which rose and sank as she breathed. Moving further down, Alicia sucked on Saoirse's hard, pink nipples, causing her to moan. She moved further down, kissing down Saoirse's stomach. Kissing around her navel, Alicia took off Saoirse's skirt, then pulled off her tights. Moving back down, Alicia pulled the crotch of Saoirse's panties aside. Upon feeling Alicia's tongue in her snatch, Saoirse gasped, making a high-pitched squeak, and her brow creased. "Oh, Jesus!" she whispered. Saoirse writhed and squirmed as Alicia probed her sopping pussy with her tongue, and rubbed her clit slowly with her thumb. "Oh, God! O…Oh!" After a few minutes, Saoirse finally came, squeaking "Fuck!" Saoirse was shaking and breathing rapidly as Alicia kissed her way back up. The two again locked lips, practically sucking the air out of each other. Alicia then smiled at Saoirse, and whispered, "I love you." They again embraced and kissed, and fell asleep in each other's arms. END * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * It's okay to *READ* stories about unprotected sex with others outside a monogamous relationship. But it isn't okay to *HAVE* unprotected sex with people other than a trusted partner. 4-million people around the world contract HIV every year. You only have one body per lifetime, so take good care of it! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Kristen's collection - Celebrity Parody Archive