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Ruined
by Ed Rider (edrider73@gmail.com)

***

A man's business investment tanks and a friend 
suggests a way out of his financial difficulties. (MF, 
bi, huml, exh, d/s, fisting)

***

"I guess bad news travels fast," said Travis.

"I'm calling because I'd like to help," said Delilah.

"That's nice of you," he said. "I don't think there's 
anything you can do, but I promise I'll pay you back 
your $5,000. It may take a while, but eventually I'll 
return every cent that you and all my friends 
invested."

"That's a great goal, Travis," she said. "I knew you 
wouldn't let this get you down. After you lick your 
wounds and wait for the economy to get better, your 
next venture is going to be a huge success."

"There isn't going to be a next venture, Delilah," he 
said.

"What do you mean?" she said.

"I'm going home," he said. "I'll live with my parents 
for a while and look for work. Rent is cheap in the 
mountains, and I'm sure I'll be able to move out of 
their house after I find a job. But I'm not coming 
back. This town has beaten me up, and I can't wait to 
get it into my rearview mirror."

"What are you talking about?" she said. "You told me 
how desperate you were to escape from your hometown. 
You said you felt like you were choking to death 
there. How can you go back?"

"I found out there were worse places," he said.

"Do I have anything to do with this?" she said.

"It's a lot more than that, Delilah," he said. "Don't 
blame yourself. You didn't cause my financial 
problems. You are more like a symbol."

"What does that mean?" she said.

"What happened with you was one of the things that 
showed me I'm not cut out for this life," he said. "I 
thought I couldn't take the narrow-minded people back 
home. But that was before I met broad-minded, 
sophisticated city people. Back home, I felt like a 
hundred little knives were being stuck into me. But 
here, people rip your guts and your heart right out of 
your body."

"But you're not a Southern country hick," said 
Delilah, "even though you sound like one. I know 
people look down on you when they first meet you -- 
like I did. But once they get to know you, it's 
different. Didn't you once tell me your friends here 
are the greatest people you've ever known, and you 
would do anything for them and were sure they would do 
anything for you. Have you changed your mind?"

"No," said Travis. "You're right. My friends are 
wonderful. They're all trying to keep me here. It's 
not the friends that have worn me out. It's the people 
who grind people like me into dust without even 
knowing us. Listen, I'm not making excuses. I made all 
the decisions that brought me where I am, and I'm the 
one deciding to get away from all this."

"Is God telling you to do this?" she said.

"Of course not," he said. "If you think that, then you 
still don't know anything about Christianity, 
Delilah."

"Maybe you think God is punishing you," she said.

"That's just as stupid," he said. "I guess you haven't 
changed much since I last saw you. It's hard to 
believe it's been almost two years."

"I'm not really angry about your religion anymore," 
she said. "I've thought a lot about us since we split. 
Now I realize that everyone, including me, has 
irrational superstitions. I'm sorry about how it 
ended, and I hope you believe me that I feel terrible 
about what's happening to you."

"Thank you, Delilah," he said. "I forgave you a long 
time ago, and I pray for you all the time because I 
know that deep down, you are a good person. I hope 
you'll forgive me some day, too, for some of the 
unkind things I said to you."

"I knew you were going to say that," she said. "You 
haven't changed at all. I could explain to you why you 
didn't do anything wrong, but it doesn't matter now."

"What do you mean it doesn't matter?" he said.

"Forget it," she said. "Let's just say that I forgive 
you for whatever you think you did to me."

"Thanks, Delilah," he said. "That means a lot to me."

"I wish you well, Travis," she said. "I'm more upset 
about your going back home than about your bankruptcy. 
I hope you'll think about this some more. If all your 
friends think it's the wrong move, maybe you should 
listen to them."

"I've thought about it a lot," he said, "but I don't 
see any other way."

Five minutes after they hung up, the phone rang again.

"Hello," he said.

"It's Delilah," she said. "I've got to see you, 
Travis, and I won't take no for an answer. I'm not 
hanging up until we set up an appointment. You need to 
bring a laptop and all your financials."

***

When they met the next night at the coffee house, she 
said, "I'm sorry I was so pushy. I know I'm the last 
person in the world you want to see, but after we hung 
up yesterday, I realized that I called to help, and 
then I didn't even try.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to look at all the 
figures. There's got to be something I can find that 
will keep you from ruining your life."

"You're welcome to look," he said. "I've had other 
people analyzing this data, but none of them is a 
partner in the biggest private equity firm in town. I 
know if anyone can find something, you can, but I'm 
afraid there's nothing to find."

She wasn't listening to him. The screens flashed in 
front of her face as she drilled and crunched. Her 
eyes darted around the monitor as she scrolled and 
clicked. For 10 minutes, she didn't say a word, and 
then she muttered something softly and looked up.

"I'm sorry," she said as she reached into her purse 
and pulled something out of it. "I can't find anything 
encouraging, but I expected that."

"What are you doing?" he said,

"I'm downloading everything onto this thumb drive and 
taking it home with me," she said. "I know you've got 
only seven days left, so I'll work on this at home and 
call you."

"Thanks, Delilah," he said. "You really don't need to 
do that."

She removed the drive from his laptop and stood up. "I 
need to go," she said.

***

When she didn't call him for two days, he figured she 
was too embarrassed to tell him that even her keen 
mind couldn't find a way out of his mess. But on the 
third day, she called.

"I went over the figures again and again," she said, 
"and I couldn't find anything wrong with what you did. 
I would have done things exactly the same way. You 
just got unlucky with timing and that supplier that 
went under. It's only $15,000, isn't it?"

"Yes," he said quietly. "Isn't that funny? If I can 
get hold of $15,000 in the next four days, I can 
complete the deal that keeps me going for at least a 
year. And it looks like in a few months, there will be 
a lot more coming in. But if I don't get the $15,000, 
it all falls apart and I end up losing $20,000 and 
going bankrupt."

"I'm sure you tried every possible way to get a loan," 
she said. "I tried also, but no deal. I wish I could 
loan you the money myself, but I'm broke. It's just 
temporary, but right now I don't have the collateral 
to get you the cash. I feel really bad."

"Don't feel bad, Delilah," said Travis. "I'm touched 
by what you did. I'll always remember you. Goodbye." 
He heard her voice on the phone as he hung up. He was 
worried that if the conversation continued, she might 
start apologizing to him, and if she did, he might 
break down, and that might make her feel worse. He 
didn't want the last contact he'd ever have with her 
to end that way.

***

The next night, she called him again, but her voice 
was a lot different.

"You hung up on me yesterday," she said, and she 
sounded like she was biting every word.

"I'm sorry, Delilah," he said. "When you told me you 
felt really bad, you sounded like you were in pain. I 
thought it would be better to end the conversation. 
I'm glad you sound a lot different today."

"You didn't give me a chance to tell you why I felt 
really bad," she said.

"OK, go ahead and tell me," he said politely.

"I feel really bad because I gave you $5,000, and I'll 
never see it again," she said. Her voice had an edge 
of anger.

"But I told you I'd pay you back," he said.

"Great!" she said. "By the time you pay me back, the 
$5,000 will be worth half of that."

"I'll be paying you and everyone else interest on your 
investment," he said.

"How much interest, Travis?" she said, "2 per cent, 5 
per cent, 20 per cent? I saw all your figures, and you 
know that if you can get through this crunch, there's 
a good chance my investment could be worth $50,000 in 
three years. That's what you're cheating me out of." 
The tone of her voice was now as mean as her words, he 
thought. She wasn't the same person who had asked his 
forgiveness just a few days ago. He didn't say 
anything.

"So you're not going to respond," she said. "You've 
got nothing to say. You're just going to run away back 
to your little shack in the mountains and become one 
of those inbreeding cretins who go to church on Sunday 
to ask their God to forgive their perversions. You 
think that's going to be your deliverance?"

Her hateful words stung, but he didn't feel angry at 
her, just helpless. "What can I do?" he said.

"You can get the $15,000," she said, "but you won't do 
it because you're a hypocrite who's all holier than 
thou and prays for people on Sunday, but doesn't mind 
cheating them out of $50,000 on Monday."

"What are you talking about, Delilah?" he said. "Do 
you want me to do something illegal? Or have you come 
up with some way for me to save my skin by screwing 
other people. I won't do it. You know me."

"Yes, I know you," she said. "You know how you can 
make the $15,000, and it's not illegal, and it won't 
hurt anyone except you. But you'll never do it because 
you're so godly and so gutless that you'd rather hide 
in the hollows and betray the friends who believed in 
you and gave you their money."

"All right," he said, "Tell me how you think I can 
make that much in three days. That's $5,000 a day."

"There are guys doing that, but you could make it in 
one day," she said.

"Who are these guys?" he said.

"The ugly overweight men," she said

***

As they started dating, Delilah began introducing him 
to her large circle of girlfriends. Just like her, 
they made fun of how he talked and his beliefs. 
Sometimes their humor was gentle, but they could also 
get nasty and condescending. He overheard some of them 
telling her she was crazy to encourage him because he 
was from a different planet than she was and their 
relationship couldn't go anywhere.

Almost all of them eventually came around, and once he 
overheard a couple of them advising her to grab him 
and make sure he didn't get away and wishing they 
could find someone like him. The only one who never 
warmed up to him was Grace.

She was a childhood friend of Delilah's, and they were 
still as close as they were in the days of the 
sleepovers that Grace loved to talk about. That was 
before she came out as a freshman in college, and 
sometimes Travis wondered what had happened when she 
and Delilah slept together all through high school. 
One time after they had been out with Grace and heard 
another sleepover story, Delilah saw him gazing at her 
nervously and told him that Grace made it sound like 
there were a lot more sleepovers than there actually 
were. She said that Grace may have been exploring her 
sexuality with her, but she was too naive to realize 
it, and she couldn't recall doing anything overtly 
sexual with her.

Travis told her that he thought Grace was courting her 
and hated him because he was a rival. Delilah said she 
knew that, and she was doing her best to not be 
together with both of them at the same time, but Grace 
was still one of her oldest and dearest friends.

Delilah wasn't religious, but Travis didn't mind. He 
told her once that even though he worried about her 
soul, what was most important to him was how she lived 
her life. The fact that she had made it to the top and 
remained honest, ethical, moral and compassionate 
showed him that she treated people as if they were 
created in God's image, even if she didn't believe in 
God and sometimes mocked Travis for being a believer.

He especially admired her for the way she talked about 
her parents. She really looked up to them and was 
always doing things for them. He only met them once, 
and they didn't like him. They were nasty and 
condescending. He was ready to try to change their 
minds, but she was embarrassed, and after that, she 
didn't talk about them to him anymore. He told her 
once that the fact that she honored them meant a lot 
more to him than what they thought of him.

Grace didn't hate only him. She hated all men, and 
when the three of them were together, she took pains 
to tell Delilah stories about men they both knew or 
famous male celebrities who had been caught cheating 
or having perverted sex. She also liked to bring up 
news stories about child molesters, and if they were 
priests or ministers, that made her day, because she 
could combine her hatred of religion with her hatred 
of men. She would talk to Delilah about all this while 
staring at Travis. He saw that her goal was to 
convince Delilah that all men were disgusting and that 
Travis was, too, or at least he would be if given the 
chance. Travis was sickened by her talk, but he never 
responded to her. He just tried to avoid her.

Later, he blamed himself for not noticing when things 
began to change and Delilah also began speaking 
coarsely and disparagingly about men in general. A 
couple of times, after she had said things out loud in 
company, he told her that what she said made him 
embarrassed for her because of the way people looked 
at her. She told him he was imagining things. He told 
her he noticed that some of her friends were keeping 
away from her. She denied it and made excuses for why 
she didn't see them. He asked her if she talked about 
him that way when he wasn't around, and she swore she 
never had and never would. He told her he believed 
her.

They were with Grace at a noisy restaurant one night, 
and the two of them were having a conversation that 
was obviously amusing both of them on the other side 
of the small round table. They were leaning over and 
saying things to each other and then cracking up in 
laughter. He couldn't hear them, and they apparently 
wanted it that way, but there were occasional quiet 
moments between songs on the speakers and 
conversations at nearby tables, and he picked up a few 
snatches of their conversation. He didn't understand 
what he heard, but it sounded disgusting.

He was quiet in the car on the way home, but when they 
were getting undressed for bed, he felt he had to 
speak. "What were you and Grace talking about 
tonight?" he said.

"Oh, you wouldn't be interested," said Delilah. "Just 
forget about her. I'm in a really good mood, and I 
want to get you in the same mood so let's hurry up and 
get to bed."

But he wouldn't let her change the subject. He 
mentioned some of the things he had overheard that 
disturbed him and kept pressing her. Finally, she got 
exasperated.

"You just won't let it go, will you?" she said. "All 
right, I'll tell you, but you'll be sorry, because 
you'll want to wash out your ears, and tomorrow you'll 
have to pray extra hard to God, so he will forgive 
you.

"We were talking about Grace's new job. She's still in 
HR, but now she's with a company that runs websites. 
It's really big and successful, and most of the money 
comes from porn sites.

"Grace handles the legal releases for all the actors, 
and most of them are part time. She meets them in 
person because she has to witness their signatures. 
Most of them are good looking women and men, but she 
also noticed a lot of ugly overweight men, and she 
asked her boss about them. That's how she found out 
about the male humiliation websites. Because of her 
job, she can go to any of the company's websites for 
free and download videos, so she's sent me some of the 
stuff from those sites.

"She said these men are making lots of money, but the 
people working at the video studios told her they 
would do it for nothing. The company just pays to 
protect itself against sexual slavery lawsuits. It 
makes huge profits from those sites, so what it pays 
the men is just a drop in the bucket anyway.

"Grace went to the studios and watched the men doing 
video shootings and live cams. The cams are where the 
men perform requests for people who pay to watch them 
in real time. What Grace likes is that the men aren't 
really in charge. It's the beautiful women dressed in 
sexy outfits who are humiliating them who run the show 
and know how to do things to the men that connect with 
the audience.

"A lot of these women are lesbians like Grace, but she 
said a lot of them are like me. Most of them are doing 
it for the money, but some of are just enjoy degrading 
men. I mean, I don't enjoy that, and you know I would 
never want to do that to you. What I mean is you 
wouldn't think they are any different from the average 
woman on the street until you see what they do in the 
studio.

"She said that the ugly overweight men enjoy it even 
more than the women. Can you believe these women do 
things like whipping them until they bleed and kicking 
them in the balls? Grace said that sometimes it takes 
the men weeks to recover after performing, but they 
always come back for more.

"All sorts of things are stuck into their anuses, 
including the entire hands of these women. The first 
time I saw a fisting, I thought it was fake computer 
animation, but Grace told me that it's done with a lot 
of lubrication and special techniques. Then she sent 
me some videos with two hands in a guy's anus. And 
then I got one with two hands inside a man and another 
women sticking her hand in the middle of the two 
hands, so there were three. I thought she couldn't top 
that until she sent me some videos of women who pushed 
their hands into the guy's anus until an entire arm, 
up to the shoulder, was inside of him. I've even seen 
one video with two arms all the way to the shoulder. 
Are you OK?"

As she was describing the videos, Travis started 
feeling nauseous. His stomach was in knots, and he 
thought he might pass out, so he sat down on the bed 
and put his head down. Delilah walked over to him and 
smiled at him. Her face was sweaty, and her eyes were 
gleaming.

"You look a little green, Travis," she said. "I was 
going to tell you about some of the other things I 
saw, but I guess I'll wait for another time. I think 
this conversation has had an opposite effect on you 
from me. I'm going to get you a glass of water and get 
you settled down, and then I'm going to help you get 
those images out of your mind."

When he felt a little better, he told her didn't feel 
up to having sex that night, but she wouldn't be 
denied. She used all the tricks that she knew that 
would arouse him, and she finally succeeded. After 
that, she told him to just lie on his back and she 
would do all the work. He watched her as if he were 
outside of his body. He wasn't responding to her at 
all, but she was going crazy and having multiple 
orgasms. I wonder if this feels anything like being 
raped, he thought. He eventually did have an orgasm, 
and when she felt him coming inside her, it set off a 
few more of hers.

***

The next few days, he was uneasy as he waited for her 
to bring up Grace and the ugly overweight men again, 
but she didn't. He wanted to tell her that it wasn't 
what she said that made him physically ill. It was 
because he was afraid for her soul. He knew she would 
laugh at him if he told her that, so he said nothing. 
Later, that was one of the things that haunted him.

He didn't see Grace for a while, but though he tried 
to avoid it, he overheard phone conversations between 
Delilah and her. They were all about Grace's job now, 
because her boss had noticed her interest in the ugly 
overweight men and how beautiful and voluptuous Grace 
was and asked her if she'd like to appear in a video 
where a veteran woman was teaching a novice how to 
humiliate men. Grace jumped at the chance, and she did 
so well that she became a regular on three different 
sites. They used wigs, makeup and costumes to make her 
a different person on each site.

One day, Travis realized that he knew an awful lot 
about what Grace was doing even though he and Delilah 
never talked about her. The next time Grace called, he 
walked out of the living room into the kitchen. He saw 
Delilah walking with the cordless and stopping close 
enough to the kitchen that he could hear her. When he 
went into the bedroom, she moved just outside the 
bedroom door. She wants me to hear, he realized, and 
after she hung up, he accused her of pulling him into 
Grace's sleazy career against his will.

"This is the first time you've complained," she said. 
"I was beginning to think that Grace was right."

"What do you mean?" he said. He was surprised at how 
angry he sounded.

"She told me that a lot of the ugly overweight men 
remind her of you," she said. "Not the way they look, 
although she said there are a few gay men she 
humiliates who aren't bad looking. She has the feeling 
that a lot of the men are religious hypocrites, even 
though she never has conversations with them.

"I asked her why she would think that, and she said 
it's because most of them disguise themselves with 
makeup or wear a hood on their head or a mask during 
the video shoots and live cams, and most of them wear 
tight latex or leather outfits that cover up their 
bodies except for their genitals. She said, they love 
being mortified, but they don't want anyone to know 
it, and they probably pretend they are normal with 
their girlfriends or wives and go to church every 
Sunday to pray that God will forgive them. Then after 
a while, they come back for another session with her.

"She said you're probably like that, too, that you're 
pretending to me that you're one thing, but if you had 
the chance, you'd also love to wallow in filth. She 
suggested I let you hear our conversations. I told her 
how sick you got when I talked about the ugly 
overweight men, but she said you were probably faking 
it. I told her you'd ask me to go to another room or 
you'd leave the apartment if you heard us, but you 
didn't say anything until tonight. At least I was 
right when I told her you wouldn't ask me for more 
details."

"Don't you see what she's doing?" said Travis. "It's 
the same thing as before. She wants you, and I'm 
standing in her way, so she wants to destroy me in 
your eyes."

"I know that," said Delilah.

"Then why are you going along with her agenda?" he 
said.

"I'm not," she said. "She has her reasons for doing 
what she does, and I'm her friend. I don't have the 
right to judge her. You told me once that God is the 
only one who has the right to judge people's morality. 
Are you taking that back?"

"You like to twist things to suit your convenience," 
he said. "God lets you and I make the choices between 
good and evil. I love you, and I'm just afraid you're 
making the wrong choices."

"But you love everybody, Travis," she said. "You told 
me you are commanded to even love your enemy. So you 
love Grace, too. I should be jealous."

He gave up, and later, he blamed himself for that, 
too. "Let's give this a rest, Delilah," was all he 
said.

"You're the one who brought it up, Travis," she said.

Despite their differing outlooks on life, the one 
thing they had in common from the beginning of their 
relationship was their appetite for sex. One time, she 
joked about how his lust was as insatiable as hers and 
wasn't that wrong because they weren't joined together 
in God's eyes. When she saw how that wounded him, she 
never brought it up again.

He told her once that he knew fornication was a sin, 
but he didn't think when two unmarried people did it, 
it was as bad as adultery. But he was doing it so 
often with her that he wondered whether God might add 
it up and decide it was worse than stealing or bearing 
false witness. When he said he prayed for them both 
every Sunday, she told him she didn't want him to pray 
for her and to not tell her that again.

They both loved to enjoy each other's bodies and 
delighted in trying out new ways to excite each other. 
After one session when they were both glowing, Travis 
wondered if that was all that was holding them 
together. Maybe she thought of him as a pathetic 
religious fanatic who would satisfy her until she 
found someone who thought more like she did.

She did treat him with respect when it involved his 
business dealings. She admired his creativity and 
persistence, and she insisted on investing in his 
business and was the one who approached friends of 
hers and his to invest, too.

There were no more overheard phone conversations, but 
something else began happening that bothered Travis 
even more. It wasn't that she was trying out new 
things in bed. She always did that, and he loved it. 
It just seemed that all the things she was doing were 
in one direction. He wanted to say something, but he 
hesitated. She kept going in that direction, and 
finally he asked her.

"No, I'm not trying to hurt you or humiliate you," she 
said. "I thought you were enjoying what I was doing. I 
noticed you never stopped me, and I also noticed that 
your orgasms were huge. Why does that bother you?"

"I don't think any of those things bother me by 
themselves, but the pattern is disturbing, and it 
makes me suspicious," he said. "Your ideas come from 
the videos Grace is sending you, don't they?

"You're right," she said. "Grace suggested I try out 
variations of some of the things she does to the ugly 
overweight men. She's now writing all the scripts for 
her videos, and she told me she always puts in 
something for you. I don't mean that I do what she 
does, but she gives me ideas. I know what you like, so 
I adjust them to give you nothing but pleasure. I 
remove the really degrading parts and the parts that 
are painful. She wants me to try those on you, too, 
but I told her I will never do that to you."

"When you watch those videos, you don't really know 
what's going on," he said. "They are edited to show 
the fantasies of the people who pay for them. There's 
no way to tell if the men she's hurting and degrading 
are really enjoying what she's doing to them."

"Oh, they are," she said. "I know they are. I mean, 
you can tell."

He looked at her. She was looking away and avoiding 
his eye. He knew what that meant.

"Just a minute," he said.

"No," she said, starting to get up from the bed. "This 
conversation is over."

He grabbed her arm to stop her. He didn't pull her 
down, but he didn't let go. Finally, she sat down on 
the edge of the bed and looked straight ahead. He 
didn't let go of her arm, and she didn't try to pull 
his hand away.

"What do you want?" she said, and he could hear the 
fear in her voice.

"You already know what I'm going to ask, don't you?" 
he said. "Have you been going to the studios with 
Grace?"

"Y-yes," she said.

"So you've been there watching her," he said. "Is that 
how you know what the men's reactions are?"

"Yes," she said. She was shivering now. Suddenly he no 
longer felt angry at her. He felt like his body was 
burning and being smothered at the same time. He 
wondered if this was how it would feel at the end of 
the world, and then he realized that for him, it now 
was the end of the world.

"But that's not all, is it?" he said. His voice was 
barely above a whisper now. He thought to himself that 
he sounded like he was talking to her from the bottom 
of a well.

"No," she said.

"Did she get you to perform in some of her videos?"

"Yes."

"Is that how you know about the men, because you were 
doing those things to them, too?"

"Yes."

"Did you just do this one time?"

"No."

Her "no" felt like a punch in the stomach. He decided 
he didn't want to know how many times. Maybe she was 
now a regular, just like Grace.

"Aren't you afraid that your family or friends might 
find out what you are doing?"

"I wear a wig and heavy makeup. I don't think even you 
could tell it's me."

"Don't you feel bad about the horrible things you are 
doing to those men?" he said.

Later, she told him that when he said that, she 
realized it was over, and the pain of knowing that 
made her lash out at him.

"Haven't I already told you that they love what I do 
to them," she said, "just like you loved it when I did 
the variations to you? Yes, I gave them what they 
wanted, and it was exciting. I didn't hurt anyone who 
didn't want to be hurt, and what I did to them wasn't 
anything that didn't heal in a week or two. Mostly I 
just humiliated them, and they loved every minute of 
it.

"You have no right to look down at me. You've enjoyed 
the things I learned. You are as selfish about your 
pleasure as I am. The only difference is that you go 
to church on Sunday and pretend you're sorry. I admit 
I had fun doing those things to the ugly overweight 
men. But it's not the same as the pleasure I get from 
being with you and watching you enjoy the new things I 
try for you. I love giving pleasure to you.

"Can't you admit who you really are?" she said. "Grace 
is right. There are things inside you that you are 
hiding from yourself. You use religion to bottle these 
things up, but one day they are going to explode, and 
it might destroy you. Grace thinks you should come 
with us to the studio one time and watch me with the 
ugly overweight men, and then you can talk to me 
honestly about how you feel. She thinks you might 
surprise me and surprise yourself."

Travis began crying. He wanted to tell her again what 
Grace was doing. He wanted to ask her to never see 
Grace again. He wanted to tell her she was talking 
like this because the devil had invaded her body and 
was using her tongue. He wanted to tell her that it 
didn't matter if the men wanted her to mortify them, 
because every time she did, she took another step down 
the highway to hell. Later, he despised himself for 
not saying what was in his mind.

"Your friends told you from the beginning that I was 
too much of an ignorant hick for a girl like you," he 
said. "Some of them even told me. Everyone but Grace 
later took it back. I know you don't see them much 
anymore, except for Grace, so I don't see them either. 
But when I do, I'm going to tell them their first 
impression was the right one, and you and I should 
have listened to them.

"I thought we were good for each other, but it was a 
stupid fantasy. When I first met you, you toyed with 
me, but I saw that beyond your joking, you were kind 
and warm and good to your parents. Now you've become 
coarse and callous and cold. I'd like to blame it on 
Grace, but she's always been in your life.

"I'm beginning to realize that I'm the one who failed 
you. You see how I love to fornicate with you, and 
then I'm ashamed and pray to be forgiven, and then I 
keep on doing it. No wonder you think what you're 
doing is not hurting anyone. Grace is right. I am 
disgusting.

"I've never seen one of those videos you and Grace 
make, but I imagine them in my mind now as I look at 
you. I don't see the ugly overweight men. They are 
just a blur. I see you and what you're doing to them. 
You're degrading yourself a hundred times more than 
you're degrading them, and that breaks my heart. I 
have to go."

He got up from the bed and didn't turn around. As he 
was dressing, he heard her sobbing behind him. When he 
was walking out of the bedroom, she screamed, "No!" He 
didn't turn around. There was nothing more to say.

***

When she mentioned the ugly overweight men on the 
phone just now, all the emotions of the night he 
walked out came flooding back over him. He didn't know 
what to say. He heard her breathing. It sounded as 
though she was taking deep breaths. Then came a really 
deep one, and she said, "You didn't say anything, 
Travis. Did you hear what I said?"

"Yes," he said.

"Do you understand me?" she said.

"No," he said.

"I'll spell it out for you," she said. "I talked to 
Grace, and she talked to one of her producers and 
showed her some photos of the three of us at the 
beach. The producer couldn't believe how what great 
shape you are in.

"The ugly overweight men have to work a full shift 
that includes a few hours on the cams and a couple of 
videos for $5,000. But I went with Grace and 
negotiated for you and got them up to $10,000 for just 
one video. I haven't been working there lately, but 
some of my videos are still getting lots of clicks, so 
I told them I'd be in the video, too, if they went up 
to $15,000, and they went for it. They think the three 
of us are splitting the money, but Grace agreed that I 
could loan our share to you, and you could pay us back 
when you had the money -- and without any interest."

Travis was starting to understand, but his mind was 
reeling. He heard her take another deep breath. "Are 
you there, Travis?" she said.

"Yes," he said. "I hear what you're saying, and it's 
beginning to sink in. You know what's funny? I'm 
remembering how you once told me you would never do to 
me what you were doing to those ugly overweight men, 
that I wasn't like them. Now it turns out that I'm no 
different to you from those men after all."

He heard another sharp intake of breath on the phone, 
and then she said, in a mocking voice, "That's right, 
Travis. You walked out on me. You thought I was scum. 
I don't think you're so special anymore. If you do 
this, you will be the same as the ugly overweight men, 
except you'll get a lot more money for your pain and 
humiliation."

"I thought you told me those men wanted to be degraded 
and hurt," he said.

"Yes, they love it," she said, "and Grace says you 
will, too. And when you're done, you'll be able to 
keep your business, and my projections are that in a 
few years you'll be rich. I'll get my $50,000 and 
probably a lot more, and all your friends who believed 
in you will be rewarded. You'll be a big man in town, 
not a loser living in some shack with an outhouse in 
the back."

"You make it sound like you're doing me a favor," he 
said.

"Don't misunderstand me, Travis," she said. "If I 
hadn't looked at your books and seen the payoff you 
were cheating me out of, I wouldn't care if God told 
you to run like a coward. I even bet Grace $10 that 
you wouldn't have the guts to do this. She said I'd 
lose the bet because you'd pretend to me like you were 
appalled by the idea, all the time hiding how excited 
and aroused you are at being forced to do something 
you want to do anyway. Are you feeling aroused right 
now?"

He didn't tell her he was feeling nauseated by what 
she was saying. It was his fault that he hadn't tried 
to save her when he saw her falling. Now she had 
become the woman he was listening to.

He wondered if she was telling him the truth about his 
future prospects. He had believed her when she had 
told him that she would've loaned him the money he 
needed but had no cash to spare. But he knew she made 
a lot of money. Was she lying? Was this really just a 
scheme of hers and Grace's to get revenge on him?

He heard her breathing slow down and become steady. He 
rehearsed the words he would tell her, explaining why 
he couldn't do it. At first, he included God as one of 
the reasons, but then he decided that if he brought 
God down into this cesspool, he would fall even lower 
than she had. Finally, he decided on a cop-out.

"I need some time to think," he said. "I can't give 
you an answer now."

"You already have," she said. "I owe Grace $10. She 
told me that if you asked for more time, that meant 
you would do it. We have to reserve the studio today, 
so you have a couple of hours to call me back, even 
though you know you're going to do it."

She's right, he thought.

***

"Look at yourself in the mirror, Junior," said Grace 
when she and Delilah had finished squeezing him into 
his costume. He straightened up and turned to the 
full-length mirror.

Facing him was a naked blue man with patches of pink. 
He wasn't naked, but the thin blue Spandex was 
stretched so tightly on him that it seemed to be 
painted on. It covered his torso from his neck to his 
feet, except where he was naked from the belly button 
to the top of his thighs. The tight blue latex hood 
covering his head had cutouts for his eyes, his 
nostrils and his mouth. There were open patches in the 
latex that exposed his cheeks.

Grace reached around and grabbed his package with her 
left hand. "I think you're starting to get excited 
already, Junior," she said as she manipulated his 
flaccid penis and testicles. "But try to control 
yourself so you don't come too fast. You'll be 
punished if you do. Or is that what you want anyway?"

When he had signed the papers an hour ago, Delilah 
told him that she and Grace would call him Junior as 
they abused him verbally. They could only do what he 
agreed to in the release. The list was on the second 
page, and she was going to turn over the first page so 
he could read it. He had the right to cross out some 
of the items, but the signing was being filmed and the 
producers were watching on monitors. If he crossed out 
too many items, they producers could stop the signing 
and re-negotiate or walk away from the whole deal.

"I don't want to know what you're going to do to me," 
he said. "Just show me where to sign."

"No, you have to read each item," said Delilah, "so 
the camera over there can record you doing it, and 
they can prove that you agreed to everything on the 
list, except those things you cross out. A couple of 
the men tried to sue the company, so now they don't 
take any chances."

He turned to face the camera. "I swear to God that I 
agree to whatever is written on Page 2," he said.

"That's not good enough," said Delilah. "You have to 
read each item and then agree."

"Wait a minute," said Grace. She stood up and walked 
away from the table motioning the producer to come 
with her. They whispered for a couple of minutes and 
then came back.

"The producer decided that Travis's statement was good 
enough," Grace said. "He doesn't need to read the list 
if he doesn't want to."

"Yes he does," insisted Delilah. "There may be some 
things he can't handle, but he won't know until he 
sees what they are."

"I've got an idea," said Grace, and she took a pen and 
started writing. "I'm going to write something down on 
the bottom of the first page. Travis, you will read 
what I write and initial it. Then you will read it out 
loud. Then I'll cover the list on the top of Page 2, 
and you will sign at the bottom. If you don't want to 
do that, you will have to read the list. OK, read 
this, Travis."

He read it, and he froze. "Now, initial it," said 
Grace, "or else you're going to have to read the list. 
Or else we'll call this whole thing off."

He signed his initials.

"Now read it out loud," said Grace.

"I'm not reading the list on Page 2 because I think 
the video will be more exciting if everything is a 
surprise to me," he said, and then he looked down. He 
felt horrible after he spoke, but he was scared that 
if he read the list, he might back out. Delilah had 
sent him a password and some links to the site they 
were shooting for, and he had opened five different 
links. But after a couple of minutes, he found that he 
was physically sick as he watched the beautiful, 
nearly naked women preparing to destroy the ugly 
overweight men. He wondered if one of them was Delilah 
in disguise. He turned off the videos, but he still 
shuddered when he thought of them, even though he 
hadn't watched them long enough to see the women do 
anything.

"I still want him to read the list," said Delilah. Her 
voice sounded strained.

"That's finished," said Grace. "Let it go, Delilah. I 
told you he wants to do this. I just gave him 
permission to admit it. See, he just signed the second 
page. It's time to prepare him."

"OK," said Delilah, but Travis was familiar with the 
tone in her voice. She was giving in, but she wasn't 
happy. She really wanted me to read that list, he 
thought. She must know it would have destroyed my mind 
even before they start destroying my body. Does she 
really hate me that much?

His body felt like it weighed 500 pounds when he stood 
up, and he couldn't move. He saw Delilah standing and 
staring at him. Her face was a blank mask. She's 
trying to hide her exultation, he thought. She didn't 
move. It was Grace who took his hand and slowly pulled 
him to the studio like he was a child who knew he was 
about to be punished.

The cameras were filming, and Grace was talking to 
him, but his mind was full of Delilah.

"You aren't listening, Junior," she said. "I'll punish 
you for that later, but now you need to come here and 
lie down on this padded table. First I'm going to put 
this ball gag in your mouth and make it tight. We 
don't want you getting too loud right now. In a few 
minutes, we'll take it off so we can hear your 
responses.

"These leather sheaths I'm attaching to your feet are 
like soft boots that go over your Spandex stockings. 
I'm going to make them really tight so they don't slip 
off.

"Can you see me, Junior? I hope you like my outfit. My 
sister and I decided to wear matching outfits for you. 
We actually have less on than you do, because we 
wanted you to see our breasts and butts spilling out 
of our costumes while we punish you. We want you to 
think about how you disrespected my sister and accused 
her of being sinful. She and I are showing you all the 
goodies that you're never going to get again. Yes, 
look at her hard, Junior."

Travis caught a glimpse of Delilah standing behind and 
to the side of Grace. He shuddered as he looked at 
her, because the expression on her face was pure 
horror. She's looking at me like I'm about to kill 
her, he thought, instead of the other way around. Or 
maybe she was feeling some guilt and remorse. He said 
a brief silent prayer for her.

"You're going to come today, Junior," said Grace, "but 
it's not going to be fun like it used to be. You're 
going to suffer when you come, and that will also 
remind you of what you've lost by being such a jerk.

"My sister told me how mean you were when you found 
out she had made a few female domination videos. She 
wasn't cheating on you, so she couldn't understand way 
you were acting so crazy.

"I told her why. It's because you've always wanted to 
do this, Junior, but you've been pretending that 
you're a religious man. You fooled my sister and 
everyone else, but you didn't fool me. You may not 
admit it to yourself, but I know what you really want, 
and today she's going to see that I'm right."

As Grace talked, Travis felt his feet and ankles being 
enclosed in something that slowly got tighter. He 
wondered what kind of torture this was going to be. 
Grace was making up a story for the video, he thought. 
It was the same story that she had been telling 
Delilah. He wondered how much Delilah believed her.

"There," said Grace. "You're all snug and tight so you 
won't slip out and fall. Now I'm wrapping this strap 
around your arms and pulling it tight to hold them 
close to your body. Look over here, Junior. Do you see 
this crank that I'm turning? That's why your legs are 
going up in the air. It's connected to cables that are 
attached to your boots. There we go. Now you're 
hanging down like a slab of meat.

"Wait, Sister. Where are you going?"

"I'm going to prepare some of the things we'll need 
later," she said. "I'll be right back. Don't stop."

"OK, but don't be long," said Grace. "You don't want 
to miss this. This part is called preparation, Junior, 
or prep for short. I'm turning another handle now to 
lower you down, but don't worry, your head will be at 
least a foot off the floor so you won't hit it while 
you move around.

"Usually, the prep is done in the bathroom without any 
cameras, but there are fetish websites where people 
pay a lot of money to watch what we are doing now, 
like the way you twisted when you felt my finger going 
into your anus. Did you feel the lube that I pushed in 
there? There goes some more. It's hard to stop me when 
I'm behind you, and you are just a piece of hanging 
meat.

"Now that you're greasy inside, it's easy to push this 
in. Were you able to see that when you twisted around? 
It's a long, thick syringe, and now it's all the way 
in. You like things stuck in your ass, don't you, 
Junior? Now I'm going to slowly push the plunger down 
and fill your colon with liquid.

"Would someone please bring me the stall? Here it is. 
Thanks. Do you see this thing I'm rolling up to you. 
It's like a curved shower stall made out of Fiberglas 
with only three sides. The fourth side is open, so the 
camera can shoot you hanging upside down inside it. 
There's a big pan at the bottom.

"Have you already guessed what's happening, Junior? 
You are about to perform the first act. The syringe 
was full of a powerful laxative, and I'm sure you're 
already feeling what it's doing inside you. In a 
minute, you're going to explode, and because you're 
hanging upside down, you'll erupt like a volcano. The 
spurts will start you twisting and swinging from the 
cables, and that will make you shoot out all over the 
walls of the stall. Everything that hits the walls 
will bounce back onto you.

"Soon there will be a torrent running down your body 
to your head and then dripping into the collecting pan 
below you. By the time your anus has stopped spasming, 
your body and head will be coated. It will fill your 
nose and also your mouth, because I'm going to remove 
your ball gag in a minute. You'll try to keep your 
mouth shut, but when your nose is full, you'll have to 
open it to breathe, and you won't be able to keep the 
muddy river from running in there. You'll probably 
throw up along the way, and that will mix with the 
other stuff running down your face.

"The cameras will capture everything, from the camera 
above you that will focus on the geyser coming out of 
your anus to the camera at floor level that will focus 
on your face as it's getting coated.

"See this sprayer in my hand. Once you're done, 
Delilah and I are going to wash you down. Where is 
she? I can see you're almost ready. Anyway, we'll wash 
you clean with hot water and soap. We'll even wash out 
your nose and mouth. Then we'll roll away the stall 
and spray some air freshener, and you won't smell or 
taste a thing.

"We are going to give you a second enema to make sure 
you're all clean, but I'll lower you first, and you'll 
be able to go to the bathroom. We won't film the 
second one because it won't be as dramatic. Oh my! 
Your movements are really getting violent. You're 
trying hard to hold it in, like I knew you would, so 
when you finally have to let go, the explosion will be 
a lot more powerful.

"OK, I'm taking off your gag now. I see you're already 
holding your mouth tightly shut. And boom, there you 
go! And there's another one, even bigger. It's like 
fireworks going off high in the air and then falling 
down. Whee!"

***

After he was washed down, his costume was removed, and 
he was given the second enema. Then Delilah washed him 
off in the shower stall, which was now bright and 
clean and showed no traces of what had happened inside 
it earlier. He felt exhausted and weak, and his mind 
was trying to block out what he had just gone through. 
He wanted to yell at Delilah and curse her and Grace. 
He wanted to physically hurt them for what they had 
done. At the same time, he wanted to sink into the 
ground and become invisible. He no longer felt human.

He could barely move as Delilah guided him into a 
chair next to a small table. "You're going to drink a 
couple of glasses of this," said Grace. "It's a sports 
drink with a lot of sugar in it. I know it doesn't 
taste good, but your body needs the water and the 
energy that it just lost. You're going to sip it 
slowly and then rest here for about 15 minutes."

Grace and Delilah sat down next to him and observed 
him. Delilah got up a few times and walked away. Her 
expression had changed again, back to the poker face 
that hid her emotions. When the rest period was over, 
she was all business as she and Grace brought him back 
to the padded table and squeezed him into another 
spandex outfit. It was like the previous one, but this 
one was pink, and his latex hood matched the color.

They pushed him down on the table again on his back, 
but nothing was attached to his feet this time. He saw 
one of the camerawomen -- they were all women -- move 
in close on one side of the table as Grace and Delilah 
moved to the other side. "Why don't you explain what 
we're going to do now," said Grace to Delilah.

"I'm sorry, but I have to excuse myself to go to the 
ladies room," Delilah said. "You can start, and I'll 
be right back."

"That's what you said before," said Grace, "and then 
you didn't get back until the washing. You missed 
everything."

"I'm sorry," said Delilah in a flat voice. "I'll get 
back as soon as I can."

Travis watched Delilah walk away. Grace waited until 
she was out of sight before she leaned over and spoke 
in a lower voice. "I'm sorry about Delilah," she said. 
"I'm sure you prefer her degrading you, and I'll take 
care of that. But as long as she's not here, there are 
a couple of things we can do while we're waiting.

"Look at me, Travis. The lady on the closeup camera is 
going to move right up to your face. It's covered with 
pink, except for the area around your mouth, your 
cheeks, your eyes and your nostrils, so it's hard for 
you to show any expressions, but I think we can get 
some anyway. That's why I'm not putting the gag in 
your mouth. Right now, I want you to smile. Are you 
listening to me, Travis?"

He heard her, but the last thing he felt like doing 
was smiling. He just lay there looking at her.

"Ow!" he yelled as she slapped him hard on his right 
cheek.

"I don't think you heard me," she said. "I told you to 
smile." She slapped his left cheek just as hard. "I'm 
going to keep on slapping you until you respond, 
Travis. By the time Delilah comes back, your face will 
be deeply bruised and bright red. Eventually, I'll 
flay your skin so much that it will start splitting 
and bleeding. The pain will last for weeks.

"So are you going to smile or not? That's good, but 
not good enough. I want a broader smile, and I want a 
happy smile. I want your eyes smiling, too. Try to 
think of something funny if you can or maybe some 
happy times you had with Delilah.

"I don't care what you do, but I want you to look 
really happy. That's better. Now try harder and make 
it a little more convincing for the camera. We're all 
just doing a play here, and this part of the play is 
where you're really happy. That's it.

"OK, now don't stop smiling, but while you're smiling, 
I want you to nod your head up and down. I know it's 
not easy to do while you're lying down. But just nod 
slowly up and down while you're smiling. You're so 
happy. You're nodding yes, yes, yes, to show how happy 
you are. Now you're going to nod a little faster 
because you're convincing me you're really happy. You 
couldn't be happier.

"Now you're going to keep smiling and nodding and at 
the same time, and I want to hear a little laugh. You 
can do it, Travis. Don't say a word, but just give me 
a light little chuckle. You are so happy, you're 
tickled pink and you're just bubbling over with a 
little laughter. OK, now make the laughter just a 
little bit louder. No belly laugh. You're just 
laughing because you're so happy that you can't help 
it. That's good. Keep on doing that. The camerawoman 
is getting everything.

"OK, you can stop laughing, but keep on smiling and 
she's going to move back a little. I didn't tie your 
arms down, so you can move them now. I want you to 
move them to your sides and lift them up a little and 
open them, so your palms are facing up. You're smiling 
and your hands are showing how you're feeling. You are 
so pleased that you can't believe it. You can't 
believe how happy you are. That's it. That's what I'm 
looking for. OK hold it like that for the camera. 
Great. Now you can relax. I see that Delilah is 
walking back here."

"I thought you were going to start on the CBT," she 
said as she came up to the table.

"I gave him a preview of the slapping first," said 
Grace softly and then raised her voice.

"Remember, I'm just your assistant, Sister. You're the 
one who wanted to see what Junior was made of, so 
you're going to take over now and tell me what I can 
do to help."

"You're right, Sister," said Delilah. It sounded to 
Travis like she sighed for a moment, but then her 
voice became steely.

"It's time to get rough, Junior," she said. "When I 
got just a little rough with you in bed, you really 
enjoyed it, but when you found out that I got my ideas 
from making femdom videos, all of a sudden, you were 
telling me I was disgusting. What a hypocrite! Sister 
says you're lying and you like it a lot rougher than I 
thought. We'll soon find out if she's right.

"Sister, we're going to put some of this lube on our 
hands. You start working his penis while I do his 
testicles. Yes, that's it. Just stroke him softly at 
first while I play with his balls. Wow! He sure jumped 
to attention right away. Look at how big and hard he 
got with our gentle touch. Now let's see if he stays 
that way.

"I want you to grab his penis now with both hands. 
Even though he's pretty thick, your hands are big. I 
want you to close your fists as tight as you can and 
squeeze him hard as you are pumping him. Did you hear 
that? I don't think he likes what you're doing. You've 
got him in a tight vise and you're almost pulling his 
skin off as you go up and down that big thing. I 
thought the pain might make it wilt a little, but it's 
still pushing out and hard.

"This should change that. I'm starting to tighten my 
hands around his balls. I'm doing it slowly, but he 
feels it, because he's getting louder. Is this rough 
enough for you, Junior? What did you say? I can't hear 
you above the screaming.

"Look at that, Sister. You were right. I think his 
penis is even more excited. I can see that you've 
rubbed it so hard that there are already spots that 
are raw. That must really hurt when you're going over 
them, but he's still aroused. OK, let go of his penis, 
and I'll stop squeezing.

"I want you to grab his penis at the base with your 
left hand now, while I grab his ball sack with my left 
hand and pull it away from his body and then bunch up 
his balls in my hand like this. OK, now follow my 
rhythm. I'm going to softly punch his balls with my 
right hand, and I want you to softly slap his penis 
with your right hand. Get in my rhythm. Now you've got 
it. And his screams are in rhythm, too.

"Now watch, Sister. I'm going to slowly speed up, and 
at the same time, I'm going to punch harder, and I 
want you to do the same with your penis slaps. That's 
it. Wow! Your body is totally out of control now, 
Junior, and your head is jerking like crazy. But look, 
your penis still likes it. Faster, Sister, faster, 
faster. OK, stop.

"Junior, you're lying there like we squeezed the life 
out of you, but you must be enjoying it, because look 
at your big penis waving around like it can't wait to 
come. Your sperm is dying to get out, Junior, and your 
sperm never hurt me, so we'll let it go free. But 
you're not going to enjoy it. Sister, start pumping 
him again. Yes, squeeze as tight as you can so his 
penis gets rubbed hard until it's red and sore. Now 
stop and slap him hard a few times. Keep doing that, 
and we'll see how long it takes for him to be ready to 
spurt.

"Meanwhile, I'm going to grab his sack below his balls 
and pull them slowly up into the air. See how his sack 
stretches. It's so thin now you can almost see right 
through it. If I pull it any further, it will probably 
rip, and those balls will tumble out and Junior won't 
be a man anymore. But I'll stop here, and punch his 
big tight balls a few more times, like that. Ow? Is 
that what you said, Junior. You don't seem to be as 
loud as you were a second ago. You must really be 
enjoying it now. OK, I'm letting go and there go your 
balls, snapping back to your crotch.

"Now I'm going to take the balls and give them a turn, 
like this. That felt good, so I'm going to keep 
turning them, twisting them tighter and tighter. I'll 
try to stop just before I twist them off. There, 
that's far enough. Let's hold it like that and then 
let them go. There they go, spinning around as they 
untwist. That looked great.

"How's the penis doing, Sister? Wow, it's really red, 
but I hear something. Do you hear how his breathing is 
changing. I think he's getting close. Yes, slap him a 
few more times, and I'll pull his balls up again and 
punch them a few more times. There. He can still make 
some noise.

"OK, I'm going to lay his balls gently on the bed and 
run my right palm over them lightly, just caressing 
them softly, around and around. I think that's getting 
him closer, but don't stop squeezing his penis hard as 
you pump him. He'll get there despite the pain. He's 
panting faster and faster now. He makes a quick, sharp 
sound just before he comes. Listen for it. Listen!

"There it is. He's about to come, but you were ready, 
Sister. You grabbed the end of his penis with your 
right hand and squeezed it so tight that nothing came 
out. While you were doing that, I pushed my palm down 
hard onto his balls and crushed them into the bed. Did 
you hear him scream "No!" I think we really gave him 
something special there.

"OK, let's hold it like this. Don't let loose of the 
end of his penis, and I'll keep pushing down on his 
balls. Wait until his breathing slows down and he 
realizes he missed his chance to ejaculate. There. 
He's really moaning now.

"His penis is full of semen that you trapped in there, 
Sister. I want you to take your right hand and grab 
his penis right where it meets his balls and squeeze 
as tight as you can. Now slowly pull your hand down 
his penis and don't let loose no matter how hard he 
screams. Yes, yes. Look at that. You're squeezing the 
come out of him like it's toothpaste. We set his come 
free, even though he never released it. Can you 
imagine how he feels? Look at his face. It's like the 
face of a tortured animal. Squeeze down his penis one 
more time to get every drop out.

"Good, you've collected it in your left hand. Just 
hold it there while I prop him up on the bed. OK, 
Junior, time to lick. Don't push it at him, Sister. 
Let him come to you. He's going to lean forward and 
lick up every drop from your hand. We'll just wait. 
While we're waiting, I'm going to begin squeezing his 
balls together very slowly. I'm squeezing tighter and 
tighter and tighter and pulling them away from his 
body at the same time. I think he's starting to feel 
his sack stretching. Look, it's even thinner than 
before. I wonder how long -- Oh, he's hungry all of a 
sudden. Look at him go. Just like a dog. I'll let go 
of his balls and pet him like a dog while he's licking 
your hand clean. Good boy, Junior. Now you can rest."

Delilah and Grace walked away from the table. Travis 
lay in a fetal position. His body didn't move, and he 
felt dead, but he heard the soft sound of his 
breathing. He also heard some faint sounds. It was the 
two women talking, but they weren't close enough to 
understand. It sounded as though they might be 
arguing, but he couldn't tell for sure.

He tried to look at Delilah when they came back and 
pulled him off the bed and helped sit down at in the 
chair again, but he could barely raise his eyelids. He 
saw her walk away as Grace poured him another glass of 
energy drink. While he was sipping it, Grace laughed 
and leaned over and spoke in a low voice. "Delilah 
doesn't know that I crushed a bunch of blue pills and 
mixed them into your drink," she said. "You're going 
to be hard for a long time after we're done."

After he finished two glasses of the drink, he sat 
with his head on the table. He felt like his brain had 
stopped functioning. He had some basic instincts left, 
but even when he tried to pray, he couldn't. He 
decided to say something, but he had trouble putting 
words together in his mind, and when he opened his 
mouth, he found that his lips didn't work right. So he 
didn't bother lifting his head.

The women let him rest and watched him. Then they 
lifted him under each shoulder, but instead of lifting 
him up, they slowly lowered him to the floor.

"I'm so excited about this part," said Grace. "My 
sister says I can ride the pony first. You are going 
to be the pony, Junior, and I get to ride you all 
around the room. Did you notice that there are 
kneepads under your Spandex stockings? That's so you 
don't get hurt. So get up off the floor onto your 
hands and knees.

"I'm going to ride you bareback, and I don't need a 
bridle and reins because your hair is long enough. But 
you have to get up now. If you're a wild stallion and 
don't respond, I'll have to geld you to make you more 
docile. No, I won't remove your oysters, but I will 
punch them really hard until you get up. You've 
already enjoyed that, so you know what it feels like.

"That's it, Junior. You're moving so slowly, but I'll 
get you going faster. OK, still now, while I mount. 
There. I'm comfortable now. Let's start at just a slow 
walk to get you used to the weight. That's great. Now 
I'll teach you how to respond to your rider.

"You felt that, didn't you? I could tell by the way 
your head whipped around. You tried to yell, but you 
don't have much voice anymore. When I slap you really 
hard on the right cheek, that means I want you to move 
to the right. And when I slap you on the left cheek -- 
that's it, you're moving to the left. See how easy.

"But we can't have you lowering your head like that 
because I won't be able to reach your cheeks to direct 
you. So I'm grabbing your hair and yanking it back. 
That brought your head up fast. Keep it high like 
that, and I won't have to pull your hair again.

"Now, let's go a little faster. Yes, when I lean back 
and spank you hard on one of your butt cheeks, it 
means to go faster. And that's all there is, Junior. 
You learned fast, because you jumped when I spanked 
your other cheek. There, a slap and you moved to the 
right. Another slap on the right cheek. And another. 
Yes I want you to keep turning in a circle like that 
as I keep slapping you.

"Now let's try the other direction. Good. Turn with 
every slap. You are looking good. Round and round. But 
I don't want you to get dizzy, so let's go forward for 
a while. You forgot that when I spank you, it means 
you need to go faster. Yes, faster again. And again. 
And again. Look how fast you're going now. But you 
seem to be slowing down a little, so here's another 
spank. You've got to try harder, Junior.

"OK. I'll let you go slower for now while we practice 
going right and left. I want to keep turning in both 
directions until your cheeks are bright red.

"That's good for now. Let's go in the direction you're 
going but speed up as I spank you harder. I want your 
butt cheeks to be the same color as your other cheeks. 
You're responding, Junior, but not enough. My pony 
needs to gallop. Sister, please hand me the switch. 
Sister! Where are you? Would someone please get her.

"Here she comes. Please hand me the switch. Yes, I'm 
sure. I'm waiting. Thanks. OK, think this will make 
you move, Junior. Yes, I was right. That's it. Look 
how fast you can go when you're motivated. Let's see 
if you can go faster, And faster. And faster. You're 
slowing down, Junior. I'm going to keep on bringing 
that switch down until you speed up. I can hear it 
singing as it flies through the air.

"What did you say, Sister? You think he's about to 
collapse and pass out? OK, Junior, we don't want that. 
You've got to be alert for the final part, so you can 
slow down now. And now you can stop, and I'll get off. 
Oh boy! Your ass is striped with blood. That's going 
to hurt for a long time. But look underneath, Sister. 
The pain was so exciting for him that his penis is 
rock solid again.

"Do you want to go for a ride now, Sister? What? OK. 
Let's give him another rest and some more energy 
drink. I think you're right that if you ride him, he 
might get too tired to respond to the last part. Help 
me get him into the chair. OK, Junior, here's your 
drink. Sister wants to talk to me, so we'll be right 
back."

As he sipped his drink, Travis was looking down at the 
table. He was too worn out to lift his head. He was in 
a fog, but he became aware of voices getting louder. 
This time he was sure. It was an argument, and even 
though it was too far away for him to hear what they 
were saying, it sounded like Grace and Delilah. He 
strained his ears but all he could make out were a 
couple of words that Grace repeated several times -- 
"No way!" -- and one that Delilah said a few times -- 
"debutantes."

***

At last the discussion was over, and they came back to 
him and lifted him up and helped him walk over to the 
padded table. He lay on his back with his eyes closed. 
His mind could think of only pain and the absence of 
pain. Life was good right now because he was only 
dealing with the intense pain radiating from his 
cheeks, his buttocks, his penis and his testicles. But 
any second, life would become terrible because more 
pain was coming.

As if reading his mind, Grace leaned over and spoke to 
him. "I don't know how much you can comprehend right 
now, Junior," she said. "I was hoping you'd be really 
frightened by thinking about what's coming next, but 
Sister told me she doesn't think you've ever heard of 
this. I told one of the camera ladies to focus on your 
face so she can capture your expressions as you 
gradually realize what Sister's going to do to you. I 
don't think you'll be able to handle this, and when 
you've lost all control, you'll do some delightful and 
surprising things for us.

"Do you feel that, Junior? Sister is rubbing some 
grease into your crease. You're moving a little 
because even the clumps of white slime touching your 
red skin are painful. Now she's pushing the grease 
into your crack as I pull your legs apart.

"Do you feel how she's gently stroking her finger 
inside your crack, up and down? Do you feel it 
touching your anus as it goes over it? Now she's 
massaging your little puckered hole gently with her 
finger. That should feel good. And now it's going in. 
She knows you like that. She's slowly moving it around 
in there to find the magic button, and there you go. 
She found the prostrate, and she's massaging it, and 
your big pole jumped up in the air like nothing ever 
happened to it.

"I'm going to grab it in my right hand and your balls 
in my left hand and start working them again. I put 
some of that thick white grease on my hands, and I 
won't be as rough as before -- at least not at first. 
So I think you'll be ready to come pretty fast from my 
strokes and from Delilah's anal massage.

"I hear your breathing speeding up, and there's that 
quick sharp sound, so I have to stop pumping right now 
and clamp down on your penis right at the base to stop 
you from coming. I listened closely, so next time, 
I'll stop a few seconds earlier and I won't need to 
squeeze that hard. Did you notice that Sister stopped 
stimulating you at the same time.

"Yes, I'm going to keep bringing you close, and then 
I'll stop. You're going to feel a pain deep inside 
your balls, a new kind of pain, and each time I stop, 
it will get worse. Eventually, you'll want to come so 
bad that I could get you to pray to the devil in 
return for letting you come.

"So let's start again. Do you notice that Sister has 
two fingers inside you now, and she's also moving them 
in and out of you. She just pushed a lot more white 
grease inside your anus. Now it's her turn to talk. I 
wanted to switch places for this one, but she 
insisted, because she wants to tell you a few things, 
but maybe she's too tired to talk. Is that right, 
Sister? Should we switch places?"

"No! No!" said Delilah. "Stay where you are, Sister. I 
was just thinking of how Junior is such a big, 
handsome hunk of man, or at least he was. And now he's 
nothing better than a farm animal, eager to be used by 
us in whatever way we want. You always used to like it 
when I put a finger or two in while we were making 
love, didn't you, Junior?

"I never put three fingers in, because I wasn't sure 
you'd like it, but now I'll find out. From the way you 
squirmed, I don't think you enjoyed it. But maybe you 
moved like that because it's getting you hot. I see 
Sister has you almost ready to come. Let me stick some 
more grease in there so I can move my three fingers in 
and out a little faster. Do you feel that I'm matching 
Sister now. We've got the same rhythm, and your body 
is certainly moving all around like crazy. You don't 
seem to be that tired all of a sudden.

"I'm going to slow down for a moment, so I can -- 
there, you really bounced up when I put that fourth 
finger in. Your eyelids are still down, so you're 
focusing on dealing with pain of your anus stretching 
so wide and Sister withholding your orgasm. You didn't 
even notice that I cupped my fingers together and put 
my thumb in the middle, so now I've got five fingers 
going in and out of you.

"Now, I'm going to slowly spread them and speed them 
up until I match Sister again. Wow! You really reacted 
when she stopped pumping you that time. You are just 
dying to come, aren't you? Now, I'm going to slow down 
again and do this.

"That did it, Sister. That got his attention. I was 
watching his face, and his eyes suddenly opened wide. 
He finally realized. Yes, Junior, I just put a huge 
wad of grease into your wide-open anus, and now I'm 
going to slowly push and keep on pushing. Oh, you can 
still scream. That's what I was waiting for. And now 
you're panting and sobbing, and your body is out of 
control. Your mouth looks deformed. I think you've 
turned into an imbecile.

"There, maybe that scream helped open you up, because 
I just pushed my entire hand into you, all the way to 
the wrist. Do you feel better now, Junior? I'll leave 
it like that for a minute while Sister gets you 
focused on coming again.

"Your penis looks larger than I've ever seen it. It 
looks like it's straining, like it wants to break off 
your body just to get some relief.

"OK, now I'm going to squeeze my hand together and 
slowly pull it out of you, Junior. Now it's free, and 
now it goes right back in. Yes, I'm going to push my 
hand in and out of you just like that and slowly pick 
up the speed until it matches Sister's. You are 
thrashing around like a wild animal who's been 
attacked by a predator. I guess the pain must be 
incredible.

"Should we finish him off now, Sister? This will be 
really dramatic for the video."

"No!" Grace said as she noticed he was about to come 
and stopped pumping him again. "Don't forget what we 
talked about. That will be even more dramatic. But if 
your arm is tired, I'll be glad to switch with you."

"No!" said Delilah. "Stay there. I guess you're right. 
We should really finish with something special. 
Junior, not many men have experienced what you've 
experienced today, but even fewer will ever feel what 
you're going to feel now. You used to caress my arms 
and tell me how slim and beautiful they were. Now 
you'll have a chance to caress them again. But this 
time, it won't be your hands around my arms, it will 
be your colon.

"Can you feel that I'm starting to push into you a 
little further. I'm going really slowly, so you can 
really enjoy this. There. You can't see it, but my 
forearm is in you almost to the elbow. Can you feel 
that? Try not to move. That's it. Just pant like a dog 
and you'll handle it.

"I'm past the elbow now and still moving up your body. 
My bicep is giving you a little trouble, Junior, but 
there it goes and now I'm all the way to my shoulder. 
I can't go any further. You've taken all that I can 
give.

"I want you to listen to me now, Junior. Sister, stop 
for a second. Look at me, Junior. Before we finish, I 
want you to know that, in my mind, you're exactly like 
every man I worked with in the femdom videos. I don't 
think of them as human. They're vermin to me, and you 
may look a little different from them, but otherwise 
you are exactly the same.

"In fact, you're worse. They don't pretend to be 
anything other than pitiful excuses for men, but you 
think you're better than they are, because after you 
do what they do, you'll go to church and pray to be 
forgiven.

"I don't want to ever see your hypocritical face 
again. If you try to get within a hundred feet of me, 
I'm going to get a restraining order, Junior. You've 
shown me what you are made of, and it makes my skin 
crawl. If I ever see you again, it will only be on 
this video, as a disgusting pervert getting off on 
being degraded.

"OK, Sister, now you can finish him off. I can feel 
you around me like a long glove, Junior, and I think 
when you come in a minute, that glove is going to get 
really tight. You're not even an animal anymore, 
Junior. You're just something I'm wearing. How does 
that feel?

"I see you're getting frantic now. You're screaming 
and sobbing and your body is moving like crazy because 
it thinks Grace is going to stop again, but this time 
she won't, and there you go. Look at you spraying all 
over yourself as she moves your penis around. I didn't 
think there was that much left inside you. Go, Junior, 
go!"

As he spurted and groaned with relief, he heard loud 
noises and wondered what they were. Then he realized 
that the entire crew in the studio had burst into 
cheers and wild applause. Was this part of the 
humiliation?

Grace was yelling at Delilah over the racket, and 
Travis heard her. "When he stops and you pull out," 
she said, "don't forget to make a fist just before you 
pull free, so there's a really big gape for the 
video." But Delilah must not have heard her because 
she removed her arm slowly and made her hand as small 
as possible before she pulled it out. It still hurt so 
much that he passed out.

He wasn't unconscious for long. When he awoke the 
bright lights had been turned off and the camerawomen 
were gone. He was still lying on the bed feeling like 
he could never get up. He heard Grace say, "Where are 
you going now, Delilah? Aren't you going to help me 
get him cleaned up and dressed?"

"I've got to do something, but I'll be right back," 
Delilah said. When she returned, Grace had his Spandex 
outfit off. Delilah insisted on taking him to the 
shower stall and washing him by herself. She had her 
poker face on again, and she didn't say a word. She 
also dressed him by herself and then led him to a 
wheelchair. After he sat down, he saw her make an 
effort to tighten her face before she spoke to him.

"You won't be in any shape to do anything for two or 
three days, Travis, so I'm going to handle the money 
transfers and make sure everything is done right, and 
I'll watch over your business. That's in the agreement 
that you signed but didn't read. I'll be checking with 
your secretary every day until she tells me you are 
back in action.

"I'm keeping my end of the bargain, but don't get any 
ideas. I was being a little dramatic for the video, 
but what I said was basically the truth. I never want 
to see you again.

"I'm going to push your wheelchair out to your car and 
lay you across the back seat and drive you home. I 
checked to make sure you've got your wallet and 
everything you wore when you came here. This box 
contains a DVD of all the video that was shot today. 
While Grace was taking off your outfit, I quickly 
collected the recording drives from each camera and 
burned the video files onto the disk for you.

"I know I can't do it, but I would like to force you 
to watch every minute recorded by every camera so you 
see exactly what you are and why you make me sick. I 
know you. You will want to throw the disk away because 
you'd rather lie to yourself. So I want you right now 
to swear to God that you will watch it at least once -
- all the way through. I'm not going to take you to 
your car until you do."

Grace was listening to Delilah, and she walked over to 
them. "Give me the DVD, Delilah," she said, holding 
out her hand. "He doesn't want it, and he doesn't need 
it. If he wants to see the video some day, he can 
watch it online. I'll send him the link. You can make 
him swear to watch that."

"No," said Delilah. "It was in the agreement that he 
gets a copy of everything we shot. I want him to see 
every disgusting detail from every angle. That's why I 
rushed to make the disk before I took him home."

"But he doesn't want it," said Grace. "Look at him. 
You don't want this, do you, Travis?" she said.

Travis was too weak to respond. He didn't want to ever 
look at that disk, and he tried to shake his head, but 
he wasn't sure either woman noticed.

"I'm sorry, Grace," said Delilah. "I insist, and I'm 
not going to back down this time."

"I think you're a little overemotional about this 
whole thing, Delilah," said Grace. "Please come over 
here and let's talk about this for a minute."

Travis looked up from his wheelchair and saw them go 
to the other side of the room and have a brief 
animated conversation. He didn't hear a word of it. 
When they were done, they walked back to him.

"Delilah needs to cool down a little," said Grace, "so 
she doesn't do anything foolish to you that could get 
her in trouble. So I will be driving you home. You're 
going to take the DVD because it says in the contract 
that we have to give it to you, even though I know you 
don't want it. Before we go, Delilah has a couple more 
things to tell you."

"You didn't swear to watch the video yet, Travis," 
said Delilah, "and I'm not going to let Grace take you 
home until you do. I know you are weak, but you need 
to show me somehow, even if it's only with a head nod. 
So listen. Travis, do you solemnly swear, so help you 
God, that you will watch the DVD at least once? I'm 
waiting."

All Travis wanted at this point was to get home as 
soon as he could. He gathered his strength and nodded.

"You saw that, Delilah," said Grace. "He agreed."

"One more thing," said Delilah. Her voice was now 
shrill and screechy, no longer controlled and steely. 
"Travis, you have to swear that, no matter what, you 
will never pray for me again."

"Delilah, that's crazy," said Grace. "Let me take 
Travis home now. You are getting irrational."

"I don't care," she said, and she walked up to where 
Travis was sitting and leaned over and put her face 
right in front of his. "Travis, do you swear that you 
will never pray for me," she said. She was almost 
screaming her words. At first, Travis felt like 
nodding again, but he stopped himself. As much as he 
wanted this to be over, he made sure his head never 
moved.

"Ow!" he screamed. Delilah had slapped his injured 
cheek.

"You bastard, Travis!" she screamed. "Swear to me!"

Grace quickly moved between her and Travis and hugged 
Delilah. Delilah collapsed in her arms, and Travis 
heard her crying. Grace gently moved with Delilah 
across the room and sat her down in a chair and spoke 
softly to her. Then she came back to him.

With a lot of effort, Grace managed to get him home 
and move him from his car to his bedroom, where she 
laid him on his bed, took his clothes off and covered 
him. He watched her without saying a word.

He had been holding onto the DVD case in the car, and 
when she started undressing him, Grace took it from 
him and put it on his dresser. He watched as she now 
went to his dresser, took the case and opened it. She 
took the DVD out and held it up in front of his face.

"I know you don't want to watch this," she said as she 
broke it in two. "We fulfilled the contract and gave 
it to you, but now it's not working, so you can't keep 
your promise to Delilah through no fault of your own. 
I'll throw it away for you.

"If you change your mind, you can watch it online in a 
few weeks. I'll send you a link to it and a lifetime 
password to get onto the site. I have a feeling it's 
going to be a big hit. Thanks so much for making it 
possible. Goodbye."

Travis didn't respond. He had fallen asleep soon after 
she had waved the broken disk in front of him.

A few days later, he got a package in the mail with a 
handwritten note from Delilah that said, "Hi, Travis. 
While Grace took you home, I made another DVD for you. 
I have a feeling that she didn't leave the disk with 
you, and I don't want to get into an argument with her 
about it. So I sent this just in case, and I also 
threw in the contract that you left lying in the 
studio."

He put the note back in the package and threw the 
package in a drawer. I promised I'd watch it, he 
thought, but I didn't say when.

***

Three weeks later, his secretary buzzed him on the 
phone.

"There's a woman on the phone who wants to talk to you 
about a video you made," she said. "Should I get rid 
of her?"

A shudder went through Travis. "Put her through," he 
said.

"Hi," said a pleasant voice he didn't recognize. "We 
never met, but I watched your performance. I'm Grace's 
boss, Felicia."

"Hi, Felicia," he said, forcing himself to speak 
slowly and calmly.

"I'm calling because I wanted to apologize," she said. 
"I was angry that Grace pushed me all the way to 
$15,000 for just one video session, but when I saw how 
good you were, I realized that you were worth that and 
more. Everyone else there knew it, too. I'm sure you 
heard us applauding you."

"Is that why you doubled my payment," said Travis. "I 
wondered if it was a mistake and thought you might be 
calling to get the money back?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," said 
Felicia.

"Don't you know that you paid me $30,000 instead of 
$15,000?" he said.

"What?" she said. "No, you're confused. I think it's 
because of the last-minute addition. It's all spelled 
out in your contract."

Travis didn't tell her that he still hadn't looked at 
the contract. "Excuse me?" he said. "What do you mean 
by last minute?"

"You know," she said. "At first you were just going to 
do the femdom humiliation video, but Delilah and Grace 
came to me a few days before and said you'd also be 
willing to do a scat video for an extra $15,000. So we 
did that one first. It went to one of our fetish 
sites, and it's doing amazing business. That's a 
separate clientele. Most of the femdom customers don't 
want to see the enema stuff. I guess you haven't seen 
your videos online yet. That scene isn't part of the 
femdom video."

"I'm sorry, Felicia," he said. "Let me get this 
straight. The part with me hanging in the shower stall 
is on one site, and the torture is on another site?" 
He thought that Delilah could no longer shock him, but 
she had given him one more punch in the gut. She had 
made him go through that hanging scene even though it 
wasn't necessary. He still had nightmares and woke up 
in a sweat smelling that awful smell. I guess there's 
no limit to how much she hates me, he thought.

"Yes," Felicia said to his question. "That's right. 
I'm surprised you haven't seen the femdom video yet. 
When you do, you'll see Grace did an amazing job 
putting it together. As good as I thought you were 
while you were performing, I didn't really understand 
the full extent of your talent until she brought it 
out in her editing. The way you play the audience is 
astounding. One second, it looks like you're out of 
your mind in pain and humiliaton, and the next second, 
it's obvious that you're enjoying every minute of it.

"That's another reason why I'm calling. I told Grace 
that I would pay a lot more than last time if the 
three of you worked together again. I could go up to 
$20,000 and maybe a little more. Grace said she'd love 
to work with you again. I've left a couple of messages 
for Delilah, but I haven't heard back from her yet. 
What do you say?"

For a moment, Travis was speechless. He felt sick. But 
he took hold of himself and thought fast. Whatever 
Felicia was talking about, he didn't want to ever 
discuss it with her again. How could he make sure she 
didn't call him back? He decided to humor her.

"Your offer is very flattering" he said, "but right 
now, I'm too busy. I don't know if Grace told you that 
I own a struggling business, and I need to totally 
focus on it. I spend almost every waking moment 
working on it."

"I understand completely," said Felicia. "I'm very 
focused on my business, too. I know sometimes when 
you're starting a business, you can get short of cash. 
If you ever do, please call me. I shouldn't say this, 
but I think you can negotiate even more money than 
I've mentioned."

"Thank you," said Travis. "We did have a cash crunch, 
but it looks like we now have all we need. If things 
should change and I am interested in contacting you, 
how can I reach you?"

Felicia gave him her number. "May I check in with you 
occasionally?" she asked.

"I'm afraid that if you call, it will just interfere 
with my schedule," he said, "and that will make it 
less likely that I would ever work for you. It might 
even send me to your competition."

"I understand," she said. "I won't bother you. Would 
you at least promise me that you'll think about my 
offer?"

Travis shuddered. He wished he could tell her he was 
going to wipe her offer from his mind, but like the 
other things he couldn't forget, he knew it would come 
back to haunt him. "Sure," he said, "I promise to 
think about your offer. Goodbye now."

***

His business grew slowly but steadily, and as he added 
personnel and expanded, he plunged deeply into his 
work and went all out six days a week. On Sunday, he 
went to Sunday school, services and other church 
activities, so that day was as busy as any other.

He prayed for Delilah and Grace each week, but 
otherwise, he rarely thought of them until he saw 
Delilah at the end of the aisle in a grocery store six 
months later. He had come from a late meeting and 
stopped nearby instead of going to the store near his 
house. He was frozen for a moment as he watched her 
and was reminded of the last time he saw her. Then, 
without thinking, he walked toward her.

When she saw him, he could see she was startled. She 
quickly wheeled her cart in the other direction and 
was gone. He kept walking and looked for her. Finally, 
he saw her walking out the door to the parking lot 
without anything in her hands. She was walking fast 
and looked behind her several times. He went back to 
his shopping.

It was almost the same scene at a department store two 
weeks later. He was coming up on an escalator and saw 
her. It was the women's clothing floor, and he wasn't 
planning to get off there, but he decided on the spur 
of the moment to talk to her. This time, she didn't 
see him until he was almost on top of her. She jumped 
in fright and began quickly walking away. Travis 
followed her to the down escalator and tried to catch 
up. She began walking faster, and he did, too.

By the time she was in the parking lot, she was 
running. He watched her run to her car, jump in it and 
speed away. He stood there stunned, not because she 
was avoiding him but because he had seen the look on 
her face. He expected her to be annoyed or angry at 
him for approaching her, or even disgusted. But the 
look on her face was different. It was pure terror. 
She was deathly afraid of him. She thinks I want to 
hurt her, he thought. I wonder if she'll serve me with 
a restraining order. But nothing happened in the next 
few days.

Her face of abject horror began to haunt him. It began 
showing up in his dreams, and sometimes when he prayed 
for her on Sunday. He wanted to talk to her, just for 
a minute, and tell her that everything was going to be 
all right. He had thought it over and decided that she 
had been right to force him to do something drastic 
rather than give up on life, even though he was still 
haunted by the utter depravity that he had been a part 
of. He had forgiven her and didn't wish her any harm. 
He wanted to suggest that she get counseling because 
it seemed as though she hadn't moved on like he had. 
He didn't want her fear of him affecting her life. And 
he wanted to ask her to forgive him for praying for 
her.

Finally, he decided he had to try to see her. If she 
lashed out and did anything to him, such as file a 
police report, it didn't matter. He was the cause of 
her anguish, and he needed to help her out of it. But 
he was frustrated, because he couldn't think of a way 
to get her to stop running from him that didn't 
involve something physical, something he would never 
do.

He realized he needed help, but he didn't know whom to 
turn to. Then he ran into one of her girlfriends at a 
client's party.

He saw Abigail across the room with a male companion. 
At first, he was hesitant to approach her, because he 
was sure Delilah had shared one or both of his videos 
with her friends. Abigail probably considered him a 
disgusting perv. He finally worked up his courage by 
telling himself he was doing this for Delilah, and he 
had no dignity to lose anyway.

Surprisingly, Abigail greeted him warmly and 
introduced him to her friend. "Would you mind talking 
to me outside for just a couple of minutes?" he asked 
her.

When they got to a quiet area of the garden, she said, 
"This is about Delilah, isn't it?"

"Yes," he said. "So she told you."

"Well, I haven't talked to her in a long time," said 
Abigail. "After you two broke up, she stopped seeing 
all her friends, except for Grace. Grace said it was 
all your fault, because you were a real bastard at the 
end. What did you do to her?"

"Grace didn't tell you?" he said.

"No," said Abigail. "She told me that Delilah doesn't 
want her to tell anyone, but that you were really 
cruel to her."

"Grace was right," said Travis. "And that's why I'd 
like your help. You know how you used to make fun of 
me for being religious. I said some horrible things to 
Delilah, and I've prayed a lot about what happened. 
I've been very lucky that I've been able to move on, 
and now I'm really doing well financially, and I'm 
more at peace in my mind. I know Delilah has also been 
doing well in her career, but I'm afraid I've caused 
her a lot of psychic damage." He told Abigail about 
the scene at the department store.

"Even though you and Delilah haven't talked lately," 
he said, "I know you used to be close. Would you help 
me? I want to talk to her. Tell her how upset I am 
that she's frightened of me. Tell her I want just five 
minutes of her time to tell her a few things that I 
think could help her. Tell her I'm not interested in 
getting back together with her, just ending our 
relationship in a better way. And tell her that I 
don't mind if you are there when I talk to her. I'd 
rather not have Grace there, because she's always 
disliked me, but if she insists on Grace being there, 
that's all right, too."

Abigail promised to call up Delilah and do her best to 
see her, and a few days later, she called Travis at 
his office. "I spoke to her on the phone for a few 
minutes," she said. "You were right. When I brought 
you up, she became hysterical and almost incoherent. 
She mentioned something about a video. I don't think 
she heard a word I said after that."

Travis was silent for a second. "It's much worse than 
I thought, Abigail," he said. "I don't think you can 
get her to listen on the phone. Call her back and 
don't mention my name. Just get her to have lunch with 
you, or maybe dinner. When you are face to face, maybe 
you can get her to listen. Maybe she would even allow 
me to join the two of you for a few minutes. I'm going 
to give you my private cell phone number. If you can 
get her to see me, call me no matter what time of day 
or night, and I'll come right over to where you are."

"OK," said Abigail. "I'll try, because I'm worried 
about her. She really sounded bad. I'll call you back 
when I know more."

That was the last he heard from her until he called 
her at home a week later. As soon as she heard his 
voice, she hung up. He kept calling, and after 10 
times, she said, "What do you want?"

"I want to know what happened," he said.

"Nothing that concerns you," she said. "Fuck off, and 
don't ever talk to me again."

"I'm not going to do that, Abigail," he said. "I'm 
going to keep calling until you talk to me. If you 
change your phone number, I'll find out your new phone 
number. I'm sorry, but I need to know what Delilah 
told you."

"She didn't tell me anything, you pervert," said 
Abigail. "I never called her."

"Why not?" he said.

"You're wasting my time and yours," she said. "You 
know exactly why. But I don't want to ever see you or 
hear from you again, so I'll tell you that I know 
everything."

"But you said you didn't talk to her," he said.

"I talked to Grace," she said.

"Oh no!" he said.

"Oh yes," she said. "Almost right after I hung up with 
you, Grace called and invited me to lunch the next 
day. She told me everything, and then she gave me the 
links to your two videos. The first one was sick and 
disgusting. I didn't watch the second one for long 
because I almost threw up after you began - I don't 
even want to say it. You're lucky that most people 
won't recognize you because of the hood and the weird 
outfit. If Grace hadn't told me, I wouldn't have 
known.

"I don't know what Grace told you," he said, "but 
you've got to give me a chance to explain."

"No, I don't," she said. "No matter what you say, you 
can't deny what I saw."

"Please, Abigail," he said. "Can I meet you for coffee 
after work tomorrow -- or anytime you want. I can 
straighten this all out."

"Don't you dare get anywhere near me again, you 
psycho," she said. "I'll agree to talk to you now for 
a few minutes as long as you promise never to make 
contact with me again."

"OK, OK," he said. "But please tell me exactly what 
Grace told you."

"Why do you want to hear what you already know?" she 
said. "If that's all you want to say, we can hang up 
right now."

"No, no," he said. "You're right, I know everything, 
but you heard Delilah. I don't know why she's like 
that. Maybe Grace said something that will explain it, 
and then I won't try to get in touch with her. You 
want that, don't you? So please try to remember 
everything Grace told you and tell me slowly."

"Fine," said Abigail. "She told me how Delilah was 
really distraught when you dumped her. She said you 
freaked out about Delilah having a little fun at her 
studio. She said Delilah never cheated on you or did 
anything to hurt you, and couldn't understand your 
overreaction. She became so depressed that she stopped 
seeing her friends. She stopped going anywhere after 
she came home from work. She just sat home every night 
and brooded, except for a few times that Grace forced 
her to go out and have dinner.

"Grace said that when Delilah found out you were in 
financial trouble, she decided to call you. What you 
told her made her frantic. She was sending every spare 
cent she had to her parents, because her alcoholic 
father lost his job and they had no savings. She tried 
to take out a personal loan for $15,000 but got turned 
down because she had no collateral. She contacted lots 
of people, but nobody could get the cash together fast 
enough.

"Then Grace found out from her boss that Delilah had 
called the producer of one of their websites called 
'Disgusting Debutantes.' They pay $10,000 to girls who 
had never done porn before and were willing to do 
everything, no matter how disgusting or painful, with 
multiple men, including bums who were picked up off 
the street. She was negotiating with the producer for 
$15,000 to do that.

"Grace went to Delilah's house that night, and they 
had a big fight. Delilah was determined to be a 
'Disgusting Debutante.' She told Grace she had 
destroyed your feelings for her, but she wasn't going 
to stand by and watch you destroy your life. That's 
when Grace came up with the idea of you doing a femdom 
movie for her website.

"She told Delilah that your face would be disguised, 
and since you weren't an ugly overweight man, she 
might negotiate more money for you and get you the 
$15,000 you needed. Delilah didn't want to hear about 
you degrading yourself like that, but Grace told 
Delilah that if you ever found out Delilah did a 
`Disgusting Debutante' video to raise the money for 
you, it might destroy you. You would feel responsible 
for her being downloaded by hundreds of people around 
the world every day. She told Delilah that even your 
faith might fail you. It was the kind of thing that 
could drive you insane and might even make you take 
your own life.

"That's how she got Delilah to give up on her idea. 
Then she used guilt to get her to agree to the femdom 
video. She asked her if she was willing to sacrifice 
even more than her body for you, and Delilah said 
she'd do anything. She asked if she'd be willing to 
make you hate her or at least lose all respect for her 
in order to save your business and have a chance for a 
happy life. She said it would mean that Delilah would 
never have a chance to tell you how much she loved you 
and wanted to get back together. You would probably 
find another woman, but at least she would have the 
satisfaction of knowing that she had made your 
happiness possible.

"As Grace thought, this sent Delilah into hysterics, 
but after she calmed down, she told Grace she would do 
anything for you. For a while, she tried to think of 
every possible reason why making the video with you 
wouldn't work, but Grace had an answer for every 
objection. Then Grace asked Delilah whether she 
thought your faith would give you the strength to 
overcome what would be done to you. When Delilah said 
she was sure it would, Grace knew she had won her over 
to the idea.

"Delilah agreed that in order for you to do it and 
save your business, she had to make you think she was 
furious that you were running away without thinking 
about her and the others who invested in you. She had 
to make you feel guilty and selfish. She pretended 
that the video was her idea and tried to make you feel 
like it was also a punishment for judging her and 
dumping her.

"Grace said Delilah almost lost it at the end when she 
wanted you to promise not to pray for her, but Grace 
kept her from spoiling everything and got you out of 
there.

"OK, Travis. I tried to think of everything that you 
might not know, and that's it. The rest you know 
about."

"But that doesn't explain why Delilah is so scared of 
me now," he said. "Didn't Grace say anything about 
that?"

"Come on, Travis," said Abigail. "You're just 
stretching this out for no reason. You know why she's 
like that. If you tried to come near me now, I'd be 
angry and disgusted, but it's worse for Delilah, 
because she still thinks she's in love with you.

"You're not making sense, Abigail," he said. "Just 
tell me what Grace said, and maybe I'll figure it out 
like you did."

"I think you're playing games with me, Travis," she 
said. "Grace told me she had been telling Delilah for 
a long time that you were a hypocrite because you 
pretended to be religious but still lived with her. 
When Delilah told her what you said when you found out 
about Delilah and the ugly overweight men, Grace told 
her that kind of overreaction often indicated that 
someone is really attracted to that kind of sex but is 
in deep denial.

"Delilah told Grace she was crazy, but Grace said she 
got her to use some milder variations of what they 
were doing in the femdom videos with you during sex, 
and at first you really responded, but when you found 
out where Delilah was picking up her ideas, you blew 
up, and that led to you dumping her.

"Grace told Delilah she wasn't surprised when you 
agreed to do the video to raise the money, and she 
kept telling Delilah that they might be getting you to 
do something that you wanted to anyway. Delilah kept 
denying it, and during the filming, she was certain 
that you were hating what they were doing to you and 
kept trying to escape from the studio. She even tried 
to get Grace to stop before it was over and let her do 
the `Disgusting Debutante' video. Grace said she 
worked harder on holding Delilah together during the 
filming than she did on you.

"Grace said Delilah fought her hard on the last-minute 
add-on, but she kept asking Delilah whether the extra 
$15,000 could help you, and she kept telling her it 
was painless and if you hated her after the video 
shoot, you wouldn't hate her any worse -- and you'd 
have $15,000 more.

"Afterword, Delilah would break down and tell Grace 
what a horrible person she was. Each time she did, 
Grace would ask her, what if you had really enjoyed 
the whole thing and what would she say if you were to 
ask her to make another femdom video with you? At 
first, Delilah said that would never happen because 
you hated what they had done to you and you would 
always hate her for doing it.

"Eventually Delilah had to give in. She's finally 
accepted the reality of your perversity. She claims 
you weren't like that until she drove you over the 
edge, and Grace can't stop her from beating herself up 
about it, but she has to admit you're no longer the 
person she knew."

"Wait!" yelled Travis. "Why does she have to admit 
that?"

"You know why, Travis," said Abigail. "Eventually, 
Grace found a way to make her watch the video. And 
then Grace told her that her boss approached you about 
making another one with the two of them, and you were 
considering her offer. Grace said she screamed at her 
and called her a liar, but when Grace's boss told 
Delilah that you said you were flattered by her offer 
and were thinking about it, she collapsed.

"I asked Grace why Delilah was frightened of you, and 
Grace said it's because she still is not totally over 
her denial. She's frightened that if she hears you 
suggest doing another video, she would lose her mind."

"But Grace has twisted everything," said Travis. "I 
was just trying to keep her boss from calling me 
again. I never agreed to anything. Abigail, you have 
to help me straighten this out."

"No, Travis," she said, "you're the one who's twisted. 
Grace had you figured out from the start. You need to 
wake up and admit what you really are, and if you 
aren't happy with that, you need to get some help. 
I've helped you as much as I'm going to, and I'm 
warning you again, don't call me or communicate with 
me in any way, and don't come anywhere near me. 
Goodbye."

***

The conversation with Abigail sent Travis into 
emotional hibernation. His employees and his friends 
knew something was wrong. There was an emptiness in 
his eyes. Except when he was in church, he never spent 
time on anything except his business. The many hours 
he put in paid off with massive success. He began 
working on taking his company public.

Delilah was always with him, in the back of his mind, 
tormenting him. He kept thinking of ways to get to 
her, but he couldn't find one that would work. 
Sometimes the ache in his heart was so strong that he 
couldn't fall asleep. Those sitting next to him in 
church often saw tears flowing when he pleaded 
silently with God to show him a way to save her.

It seemed like years, but it was only a couple of 
months after Abigail hung up on him that he picked up 
the phone and heard her say, "Hello, Travis."

He nearly jumped out of his chair, and his body was 
shaking as he answered, "Hi Abigail. How are you?"

"I'm fine," she said. "Do you have a couple of 
minutes?"

"Of course, I do," he said. "Do you have some news for 
me about Delilah?"

"No, Travis," she said. "I'm calling for another 
reason, but I knew you'd ask that. I haven't changed 
my mind about what I told you before. I don't want to 
mislead you, so you have to understand that nothing is 
different. I still feel the same way and I won't talk 
to you about Delilah.

"I'm calling for a favor, and I'll understand if you 
think I have a lot of nerve and hang up on me. If you 
do this favor for me, I'll really appreciate it and 
try to return the favor. But not if it has anything to 
do with Delilah. Do you understand?"

He had no idea what she was talking about, but he said 
yes anyway.

"Now that I told you nothing was different, I have to 
take that back," said Abigail. "I never thought I'd 
say this, but I think a little differently about you 
than I did the last time we talked. The reason is my 
friend Myra.

"She's a clinical psychologist who has a lot of 
private patients and also does consulting for big 
corporations, and she'd like to meet you. No, she's 
not looking for another patient, and she doesn't want 
to analyze you or use you for research. She'd just 
like to get together for some friendly conversation.

"Myra has been one of my best friends for almost 20 
years, and not only is she a fireball of energy, but 
she's also the kindest, warmest and most uplifting 
person I know. She's also loyal and sympathetic. Did I 
say that she is really hot looking? She's got such a 
great personality that people can't help loving her 
once they get to know her."

"Can I stop you for a second, Abigail," said Travis. 
"You sound like you're trying to set up a blind date. 
You know I'm in love with Delilah. And you think I'm 
disgusting. Did you tell Myra about me?"

"I'm going to ignore that you just brought up Delilah 
after you agreed not to," said Abigail. "I should hang 
up right now because of that. But I'm doing this for 
Myra, not me. Yes, you're right. I am trying to fix 
you up with her without totally weirding myself out.

"She knows all about you and she still wants to meet 
you. We were talking one day about how we never really 
know what dark secrets are hidden inside even close 
friends who seem nice and normal. One of Myra's 
specialties is abnormal psychology. I mentioned what 
had happened to you, that you were religious and 
mainstream, but that you had gone off the deep end 
into sexual perversion. She told me that most likely 
you hadn't really changed but that you had those 
latent tendencies for many years inside you, waiting 
for something to trigger them.

"She asked a lot of questions about you, and I ended 
up giving her the links to your videos. I promise you 
I've never told anyone else, and I know Myra will keep 
the information confidential.

"Three days after we talked about you, Myra called me 
up and we got together for dinner. The entire evening 
was about you -- actually, about you and Myra. Myra 
explained that she treats many patients who have what 
she calls `uncommon sexual drives.' She said she 
doesn't treat them to cure their sexual tendencies, 
but they have similar relationship problems as 
everyone else, and she's gotten a reputation for being 
discreet and separating people's sexual preferences 
from their problems.

"Then she told me that one reason she was good at this 
was that she was one of those people. I told her I 
didn't believe her, because I've met some of the men 
she dates, but she told me that she dated other men I 
didn't know about, and a lot of them were not good 
looking and weighed too much. And she did things with 
them like Delilah and Grace did with you on the video.

"She said that you and she weren't monsters, and you 
weren't a hypocrite. She said that both of you were 
born the way you were, and if your preferences were 
unusual, what did it matter as long as you didn't hurt 
anyone else -- at least not anyone who didn't want to 
be hurt?

"She said that she had once hoped to find a wonderful 
man, someone kind, gentle and giving who loved her for 
who she was and for what they could be as a couple, 
someone who liked mainstream sex, too, not just the 
abnormal stuff. She had long ago given up that dream 
and resigned herself to her double life and to never 
getting married and having a family.

"She asked me a lot of questions about what I thought 
about you before I saw the video, about your 
reputation as a businessman and about what other 
people said about you. She told me that when she saw 
your video, she was surprised that she was reacting 
like a teenager with a crush on a boy she didn't even 
know. She felt strong chemistry - at least going one 
way. And the other things I told her about you sounded 
too good to be true.

"Then she asked me why couldn't the two of you meet 
and maybe find happiness with each other? If what was 
on your video satisfied you, and if it satisfied her 
to give it to you, what right did I have to keep you 
apart?

"My skin was crawling, and I got more and more 
nauseous as she talked, but I let her finish, and then 
I told her I had to leave. I rushed home and took a 
shower, but it didn't wash away what she said. That 
was a couple of days ago, and I'm still upset.

"This morning, I called her and said I would tell you 
what she said and arrange for you to meet, if that's 
what you want. She broke down on the phone. She told 
me that I was the best and most understanding friend 
she ever had. She said she had never told any of her 
other friends about her double life, because she was 
worried that they would be repulsed and turn away from 
her, and she was scared to death to be so open with 
me. She said no matter what happened with you, she 
would be discreet and never do anything to make me 
ashamed that I was her friend.

"I didn't have the heart to tell her that while she 
was praising me, I was about to throw up. All I told 
her was that whatever happened between the two of you, 
I didn't want to hear about it, and I also didn't want 
to see the two of you together. I said I didn't want 
to see or talk to you at all after I give you her 
number. She said she understood and would honor my 
wishes.

"That's why I called. I still can't believe I'm doing 
this. Do you want her number?"

"No, Abigail," he said. "I want to explain to you why 
you've got me all wrong and how everything has been 
twisted."

"Stop right there, Travis," she said. "I told you I 
don't want to hear anything more about that subject. 
All I want to know is do you want Myra's phone number 
or not? She's a wonderful person, and maybe the two of 
you could make each other happy in your special way."

"I'm sure she's wonderful, Abigail," he said, "but I'm 
not who she thinks I am. You're the one I need to talk 
to you. When you understand."

Abigail interrupted him. "I think I understand that 
you won't call her," she said. "Is that right?"

"Yes, but..."

"Then I don't need to talk to you anymore. Goodbye."

***

When he came out of church on Sunday, Travis took a 
walk through the children's Bible garden. He ran into 
several couples from church who all stopped him and 
asked him if there was something they could do to help 
him. He realized it must be obvious that he was 
troubled.

He kept going over Abigail's call in his mind. Why had 
God given him hope, only to snatch it away? He could 
never know God's mysterious ways, but there must have 
been a reason Abigail called. He silently prayed for 
understanding. And then he stopped walking and stood 
still, shaking. Lightning had just struck and opened 
his eyes.

He drove home quickly and called Abigail.

When she heard his voice, she said. "I told you I 
don't want you to call me. Do I have to go to the 
police?"

"Tell me a little more about Myra," he said. "You say 
she's really nice and sympathetic. Do you think she 
could relate to someone whose life has been ruined?"

He heard Abigail take a deep breath, and then the tone 
of her voice changed. "Oh Travis," she said, "You are 
going to love her. I'm so glad you changed your mind. 
She almost went to pieces when I told her about our 
conversation. She even accused me of wanting you for 
myself to do things like on the video. Then she felt 
terrible for saying that and couldn't stop 
apologizing.

"Myra is the kindest, gentlest, sweetest and most 
trusting and empathetic person I know. That's why I 
had so much trouble believing that she had a dark 
side. She won't mind listening to you talk about 
Delilah, and she'll be sympathetic. I can't wait to 
call her. She's going to be so happy."

"Before you call her, Abigail, I want you to 
understand something, so you don't mislead her. All 
I'm saying is that I would like to meet her and talk 
to her, nothing else. Please don't encourage her to 
think that I'm interested in anything else.

"I understand, Travis," said Abigail. "This is a big 
step for you, and you need to take things slow. Myra 
will be excited, but she'll understand. You can't rush 
these things. What am I saying? I'm sorry, but I can't 
help it, Travis. I'm starting to feel nauseous again. 
I need to hang up. But here's her number."

He waited an hour to call Myra, and he could tell she 
was anticipating his call. Her voice was high-pitched 
and a little chirpy, but it had a soothing quality, 
too. She sounded like she was trying to stay calm, and 
after some brief small talk, she asked him whether he 
was free at all the next day.

"Monday is very busy," he said, "but I can get away 
for an hour for lunch if you're available then. Did 
Abigail tell you that I'm only interested in meeting 
to talk?"

"Yes," said Myra quickly. "I totally understand. Let's 
just meet tomorrow and get to know each other a 
little."

Her office was not far from his, so he drove there, 
and got a corner table in the Denny's on the ground 
floor. He looked at each woman walking in the door and 
was surprised when a small woman came from behind him 
and stood blocking his view. "Are you Travis?" she 
said, and when he nodded, she sat down.

She was wearing a conservative business suit, but 
otherwise she was totally different from what he 
expected. He envisioned a tall athletic woman who had 
a powerful, intimidating presence. She had a cute face 
with a turned-up nose, and everything about her, 
including her high voice, made her seem like a perky, 
wholesome waitress at a country diner.

After they ordered and exchanged a few pleasantries, 
he said, "Myra, you seem like a really nice girl, and 
I'm about to ask you to do something that's not fair 
to you. Abigail told me you were very sympathetic and 
understanding, and I'd like to take advantage of that. 
Do I have your permission?"

"Do you want to tell me about you and your girlfriend, 
Travis?" she said. "Abigail mentioned that you wanted 
to unburden yourself but she couldn't handle it. I 
could probably see you in my office and help you 
professionally, but that's not why I'm here.

"Yes, please tell me, Travis, but I'm going to try to 
listen as a friend, not a therapist. You can be honest 
with me, and I'll give you my honest reactions. Is 
that what you want?"

"Yes," he said. "I don't know why I didn't call you 
right away. I can see that everything Abigail told me 
about you is true. I don't know why I didn't trust 
God."

"What do you mean?" she said.

"I'll tell you another time," he said, "because we 
don't have much time, and I want to tell you exactly 
what happened, the whole truth." He spoke slowly at 
first, but as she nodded, he began to speed up because 
he wanted to tell her everything before they had to 
leave. As he spoke, he had a vision. In front of his 
eyes, she was transformed. He wanted to say something 
about the vision, but he knew he didn't have time for 
distractions if he was going to finish in time. 
Finally, he finished and ran out of breath at the same 
time.

After he stopped, she was silent for a moment and then 
took a deep breath. "That's the most amazing story 
I've ever heard," she said. "I've heard stories from 
many men I've been with, and a lot of them have been 
fantasies. I actually like the fantasies more, because 
when they tell me the truth, it's usually sad and 
sordid. I can see that you have a tremendous love for 
Delilah and have been deeply hurt by what's happened."

"Yes, yes!" Travis said. "I knew you would understand. 
I have to find a way to get to Delilah and tell her 
the truth. Will you help me?"

Myra sat looking at him. She was smiling at him. He 
could tell she understood him and was empathetic. It 
wasn't a mocking smile. It was a smile of warmth.

"I hope you're not insulted when I tell you that I 
knew your story was leading up to that," she said. 
"And I totally believe you're telling me the truth."

"So you'll help me," he said.

"We've been sitting here not more than half an hour," 
she said. "And I know you've got to go in a few 
minutes. But I already realize I have special feelings 
toward you. You seem to be a wonderful man and 
different from any man I've ever known. I think 
there's a chance we could have something special 
together once you get to know me.

"But the truth is that it's always just a small 
chance. There are so many things that stand in the 
way. The biggest one for us is that I'm going to be 
just as honest with you as you were with me just now.

"You are vulnerable, Travis. As much as you know about 
business, that's how little you know about abnormal 
sex. I know enough about it that I might be able to 
play on your obsession with Delilah and lead you on 
and manipulate you into giving me what I want. I'm not 
religious at all, so I don't believe I'll be punished 
if I do that. It's a temptation, because I know what a 
special person you are, and I may never meet someone 
like you again.

"But if it does work out for us, I don't want it to be 
that way. It might make me happier than I am now, but 
it will also make me deeply unhappy, because I'll 
always wonder if my greediness prevented us from 
having a deeper relationship based on total trust. So 
everything I'm telling you now is from my heart.

"Yes, I promise you that I'll help you, but it may not 
be by doing what you want me to do. I can't ignore my 
education, experience and intuition, and all of them 
are telling me there's something wrong with your 
story. No, you're not lying to me. You believe every 
word of what you said. And I can't yet put my finger 
on what makes me feel that something is off.

"You see, Travis, in all the stories I've heard from 
many man, both patients and friends, I've found that 
even though the facts sometimes seem to be clear, 
they've often invested their stories with personal 
issues that make them blind to what the stories are 
really saying. I'm not telling you that's what you've 
done. I'm just telling you it's a possibility.

"It's unfair to leave you hanging like this, Travis, 
but I can't do anything for you yet. I need to think 
about your story and maybe do some research to try to 
find out why I can't accept it the same way you do. 
I'd like to see you again as soon as possible and talk 
about other things, but I realize this has to be 
cleared up first because it's like a dark cloud 
hanging over our relationship.

"I'm sorry. There is no relationship at the moment, 
only the possibility of one. I'm sure you're not 
interested in seeing me again except to deal with 
this. When I'm ready, I'll call you. Then you can tell 
me what you want me to do, and I can tell you whether 
I'll do it. If I don't, I'll tell you exactly why, and 
I'll also tell you what I think you should do 
instead."

As Myra spoke, the eager excitement Travis had felt 
evaporated. By the time she stopped, he was almost as 
depressed as when Abigail had turned him down. He 
couldn't understand how Myra could interpret what he 
told her any other way than the way he did. It was so 
obvious. But he was afraid if he told her that, she 
would be insulted, and then this chance would slip 
through his fingers, too. God doesn't want to make it 
easy for me, he thought. If I want Delilah back, I 
have to be steadfast and ready to climb all the 
mountains in my way.

"If that's the way you feel, Myra," he said. "Since 
we're being honest, I'll tell you that I'm deeply 
disappointed. As I was telling you my story before, I 
had this vision. You were turning into a glowing angel 
right in front of me, radiating beams of love. I felt 
I could put my total trust in you.

"I know you probably laugh at things like that, and I 
don't mind. I'm sure once you've thought it over and 
done your research and whatever, you'll understand 
that I love Delilah and she loves me and we are meant 
to be together forever. And maybe you'll even think of 
a better way to get to her than I have."

"I'm not laughing at you," said Myra, and he saw her 
wipe away a tear. "That was the most beautiful thing 
any man has ever said to me. I feel like taking off my 
clothes right here and letting you have your way with 
me on the table. But you didn't say it for that 
reason, and that touches me even more. Yes, you are a 
special man. Travis. And I'm not going to betray the 
trust you put in me."

When they got up to go, she grabbed him around the 
neck and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. Some of 
the tears on her face rubbed off on him.

***

She called him two days later and invited him to come 
to her house that night. He thought for a second and 
decided that was not a good idea. "I'm really tired, 
and I was planning to come home and fall into bed," he 
said, "but I want to hear what you have to say. Would 
it be OK to just meet at Denny's again?"

She sounded disappointed when she said, "Sure."

She was at the table in the corner when he walked in, 
and she got up and gave him a little kiss on the 
cheek. He noticed she barely came up to his chin, and 
also that she wasn't wearing a business suit but a 
scoop-neck top and tight pants. Her outfit wasn't loud 
and slutty, but it definitely showed him that she had 
a hot body.

When she sat down, she had that warm, understanding 
smile on her face, and he tried not to read too much 
into it, but he couldn't help hoping.

"Last time, you talked and I listened and didn't 
interrupt you," she said. "When you finished, I 
responded. I'd like to do that in reverse this time. 
When I'm done, we can discuss anything you want to for 
as long as you want. If Denny's closes, we can always 
finish at my house. Is that OK with you?"

"Absolutely," he said.

"I want to talk about myself a little first," she 
said. "I didn't grow up in a religious home, but my 
parents were moral and ethical, and I think I learned 
the same things you did, but they believed religion 
was superstition and it enslaved humans.

"I developed into what I look like today by my 
sophomore year in high school, and I was very popular 
with boys. They were buzzing around me like flies, and 
being young and impressionable, I thought a lot of 
myself and not much of them.

"Sometimes, just for fun, I toyed with them and 
tormented them emotionally, and then I discovered sex. 
I know now that I have an unusually strong sex drive 
for a woman, but back then all I knew was that I 
couldn't get enough of it. I tried everything, and my 
boyfriends were nothing but encouraging.

"They were never abusive, so I can't blame them. All I 
can say is that while I was trying out everything, I 
also teased and tormented them a little. This time it 
wasn't mental but physical. I noticed that they didn't 
like some of the things I did to them, but they put up 
with them to get their reward. I pushed them further 
and further, to the point where I sometimes became 
both verbally and physically abusive. I degraded them 
and hurt them -- not badly, but sometimes they were in 
pain.

"Some of them stopped calling me up, but I didn't 
care, because there were others who continued to put 
up with me so that I would have sex with them. I'm 
sure now that none of them enjoyed being abused.

"As I got older, I toned down the abuse, but I found 
one boy in college who was totally smitten by me. He 
became my booty call. When I didn't have another date, 
I knew I could always call him up and abuse him 
horribly, and he'd endure it because he adored me. But 
he didn't enjoy it either. I might have made the 
mistake of marrying him, but thank goodness, he found 
another girl in our senior year, and though he 
wavered, I knew he belonged with her and pushed him 
away.

"I learned about female domination and bondage and 
other abnormalities while I was getting my psychology 
degree. I think I chose psychology because I wanted to 
find out what was wrong with me. I found out nothing 
was wrong. I was just in one of the sexual minorities, 
and I quickly got over feeling guilty about it.

"I've had many relationships with men who were normal, 
and I liked most of them, but I couldn't be honest 
with them. I carefully felt each of them out, and when 
I found out how they responded, I knew better than to 
get deeply involved. Some of them were serious about 
me, and one even asked me to marry him, but I knew 
that marrying him wouldn't make either of us happy.

"So I continued to lead a double life. I found out how 
to make contact with masochists through certain 
publications, and then the Internet came along and 
made it even easier. Most of the men in my secret life 
are unhappy losers, but some of them are successful in 
their professions and even their personal lives. They 
often loved their wives deeply.

"I took from all of them, but I also tried to give 
more than I took. Some of them said I made their lives 
complete, and many of them told me the only thing that 
they ever looked forward to was getting together to be 
humiliated and abused by me.

"When Abigail told me about you, I was just curious at 
first. But then I saw the videos. And then I met you. 
I'm being brutally honest. I've fallen for you. I know 
you're not putting on a show for me, but you make me 
want to believe the fairytale about there being one 
perfect person for everyone in the world.

"Now comes the hard part, Travis. I know what you are 
thinking. You think that because of my interest in 
you, I refuse to accept the fact that you love Delilah 
and that you're not the type of man who wants to be 
painfully humiliated by me. You're probably angry at 
me because you think I won't help you. But I promised 
you the truth, and I won't break my promise, even if 
it makes you hate me. The thought of that is almost 
unbearable, but I have to face it.

"I'm going to tell you in my own way, Travis. You may 
think I'm stretching this out, but I have a reason for 
doing it this way, and I'll be glad to explain it to 
you later.

"I need to tell you more about myself first. I'm not 
like the women on the Internet, especially the ones 
who are doing it because it's easy money. If you watch 
them, they often look bored.

"My life is not a job for me. I am passionately 
involved in everything I do, whether it's my 
profession or my private life. I am always trying to 
take both of them to the next level.

"I don't use a lot of equipment in my home, but I do 
have a few classic whips and some newer ones that work 
even better. Do you know that even though I'm not into 
pain, I test every one of them extensively on myself 
before I use it. I've thrown a lot of them away. I 
want to know their effect, because I want the man to 
have an exquisite experience. I am always looking for 
something that will give him excruciating pain that he 
will always remember but that doesn't cause injuries 
that take a long time to heal.

"Look at my hands, Travis. Do you see my fingernails? 
I pay a lot to have them look beautiful, despite the 
fact that they are short and rounded. I'm not into 
scratching body parts. I know things to do with my 
fingers and hands that are much more painful than 
scratching but less dangerous. And they are much more 
mentally devastating.

"Yes, there are many things I won't do. For instance, 
even though I forced myself to watch your scat video, 
enemas are a turn-off for me. In fact, I almost threw 
up. But I'm not looking down on you, Travis. If things 
work out for us, I would understand that you might 
occasionally need to be degraded that way, and I 
wouldn't consider it cheating.

"I would hope that you wouldn't need to go out of the 
home for any other reason, Travis, because I think I 
can do it all for you. When I put my hands into your 
anus -- yes, they are small enough that I know I can 
put both arms into you up to my shoulders -- I will 
make you feel amazing things that you could never 
imagine. I'm not bragging. I'm just repeating what 
many men have told me.

"I've even created my own lubricant. I mix it 
according to the recipe I've developed. It's firm like 
petroleum jelly, but it melts quickly with body heat 
when it's applied. It makes everything look shiny and 
sparkling, almost glittering."

Myra stopped speaking suddenly, and Travis looked up 
at her. She looked at him silently for a while as if 
thinking about whether she should say what she was 
about to say, and then she spoke.

"Travis, do you mind if I ask you a question?" she 
said.

"No," he said.

"I don't mean for you to take this in any way except 
as me asking for information. I'm not angry at you, 
and I'm not trying to hurt you in any way with this 
question. Do you think it's insulting when two people 
are talking and one of them is looking down at the 
table instead of looking the other person in the eye?"

"Yes, and I'm sorry for insulting you, Myra," he said. 
"It's just hard for me to hear what you're saying."

"I realize that, Travis," she said, but I gave you my 
full attention the other day when you were telling me 
your story, and I'd really appreciate your full 
attention now. Are you ready for me to go on?"

"Yes," he said, "and I'll keep my head up."

"Travis," she said, "you won't believe the variety of 
uncomfortable and painful ways I can extract your 
semen from you without anything touching your penis, 
or the ways I can feed it to you, not just from my 
vagina, anus or mouth. Even something as simple as 
spanking is special because I've worked so long on it. 
I don't use any paddles, just my little hands, but I 
know how to arrange the angles, intensities, rhythms 
and finger spreads to turn your buttocks into mashed 
watermelon.

"I've designed some special furniture and equipment 
for restraint, but I never use weights or clothespins 
or similar accessories. I can put my fingers together 
around parts of your body in ways that make 
clothespins seem like baby toys, and I know ways to 
pull and stretch things between your legs so that 
you'll feel like they're nearly being ripped off your 
body, without ever attaching a weight.

"I've learned a tremendous amount about pain and 
humiliation by talking to the men who I've been with, 
and now I know how to design and customize what I do. 
New men are always eager to go right to my bedroom 
studio, but I force them to sit down with me for 
coffee and conversation first. For me, it's like 
interviewing a patient. In a short time, I get all the 
information I need to make our session memorable.

"Some men need to go to work the next morning, so I do 
things with them that are tremendously painful but 
don't feel any worse than a mild hangover the next 
day. Other men tell me things that indicate they want 
long, lingering pain that lasts for days or even 
weeks.

"They often suggest ways to degrade them, but I 
usually ignore their ideas, because I know the deepest 
humiliations are always those they keep secret. I know 
how to extract those secrets without them realizing 
it, and then surprise them with things they never 
realized they wanted. Sometimes they cry and scream 
and beg me to stop, but I laugh at their desperation, 
because I know that a day or two later, they'll be 
calling their heartless bitch on the phone and telling 
me that I gave them the most wonderful experience of 
their lives and wanting to schedule another date as 
soon as possible.

"Every part of our time together is precious to me. 
When I talk to you during the prelude, you see the 
softer side of me as I tenderly and gently draw you 
out and learn what to do to you. Then I become the 
evil monster that destroys you. And when we're 
finished, I become your nurse, with soothing lotions, 
soothing words and soothing caresses. You'll be 
relaxing and sipping one of the special healing drinks 
that I've created. Your body will be glowing, from the 
pain, and from the things I do to comfort you. And 
your mind will be will be at peace to shudder and 
recall the pleasure of your devastating humiliation.

"Do you know that none of my alternative sex men has 
ever broken up with me? After a while, I move on, 
usually when I realize that there's no chance the two 
of us can be happy in any other way than having sex. 
Some of them I occasionally call again, and I've never 
been turned down. I could choose from over a hundred 
numbers I have and call someone right now, and chances 
are that man would be waiting at my front door when I 
get home. Some of them are even out of town, and 
they'd drop everything to get here as fast as they 
could.

"If you wanted, I think most of them would be willing 
to write you and tell you about me from their 
perspective. They are all in love with me and want me 
to be happy, and they know that I love them in a 
special way, too, and I would never do anything to 
harm them. I have videos of me with all of them to 
watch when I'm in the mood, and they know those videos 
will never be used for anything except my pleasure. As 
I told you, some of them are important men with a lot 
to lose.

"That's the end of my commercial for myself. Thank you 
for being patient and making me happy by listening. I 
wish I could stop here, and we could both go to my 
home and have an amazing time, but first I have to 
tell you some things that aren't so positive.

"When you told me your story last time, you were very 
convincing, but as I told you, it somehow didn't feel 
right. I couldn't understand why I felt that way at 
first, and I even wondered if the reason was that I 
just didn't want it to be true.

"I decided to take another look at your femdom video, 
and that's where I found my answer -- within a few 
minutes. I had watched it at least a dozen times 
before, but only for pleasure, and most of the time, I 
was thinking of what Abigail had told me about you. 
This time I kept in mind what you had told me and 
focused only on how you were responding to what was 
being done to you.

"I almost laughed that I had doubted my instincts, 
because it was that obvious that you were enjoying 
every minute of the video, so obvious that it doesn't 
take a professional background to understand. Anyone 
can plainly see it.

"That explains why Abigail doesn't want to listen to 
you. What could you say to her? You say it all in the 
video. And Delilah may be doomed to love you, but even 
she can't deny the evidence in front of her eyes.

"I know without asking that you've never watched the 
video. Isn't that right Travis? Maybe you never will. 
I've learned that from some of my patients. I always 
keep a professional distance, because if I didn't, I 
couldn't help them. But there's no worse feeling than 
knowing that I could help them put an end to their 
suffering but I never will, because they won't face 
the truth about themselves and will probably live in 
denial the rest of their miserable lives.

"I promised you I would help you, Travis, and I think 
I can, but confronting Delilah can only bring more 
pain to her and to you. You need to confront yourself 
and accept yourself. I want to help you move forward 
to a place where you have a chance for happiness. And 
since I'm telling you the whole truth, yes, I hope I 
might be part of your happiness.

"You are so in tune with life and reality, except in 
this area, that I don't think it will take long. Maybe 
all it will take is watching the video for you to 
finally accept who you are and find some peace. I 
don't know that for sure, but I'm 100 per cent certain 
that no matter what you do, nothing will change for 
you until you watch the video.

"That's all I have to say to you, Travis, but as I 
promised, I'll stay here and talk to you as long as 
you want. I don't think that will accomplish much. I 
think would make a lot more sense for you to come home 
with me now and watch the video."

Travis was looking at her because he promised he 
would, but he didn't see her. His mind was in tumult 
as she finished, and for a minute, he didn't respond. 
He saw her waiting patiently with that wonderful 
smile. But now the smile terrified him. He shook his 
head a few times.

"No," he said at last. "No, Myra. You've got it wrong 
about me. I know who I am. And I'm not going to your 
house to accept myself as anyone else. I know you mean 
well, but since you're not helping me, I'll have to 
keep looking for the right way to get to Delilah. God 
is testing me, but I know he will show me the way."

"Did God tell you not to watch the video?" said Myra.

"No, you know he didn't," said Travis.

"I was afraid you wouldn't come home with me and let 
me help you," she said as she handed him a piece of 
paper, "so I wrote down the link to the femdom video. 
Next to it, I wrote my password for the website. You 
can go home and watch it. I don't believe in God, but 
I know that if he existed, and he loved you, he would 
want you to watch the video so your life wouldn't be 
ruined."

When Travis got home, he felt totally drained. He went 
to bed, but his sleep was restless. He woke up at 5 
a.m. and couldn't fall asleep again. He went to his 
desk and looked at the piece of paper Myra had given 
him. He stared at it a long time, and then he typed 
the address into his computer, and when he was asked 
for a password, he typed Myra's.

About five minutes into the video, he began crying, 
but he kept watching in horror until the end. Then he 
pounded his desk and screamed. They were right. The 
video showed he was the pervert they thought he was. 
He called his office and left a voice mail message for 
his secretary that he wouldn't be in.

He suddenly felt so tired that he could barely lift 
his feet as he walked back to the bedroom. As he fell 
asleep, for a moment, he thought about praying to God 
to ask that he never wake up.

It was like the sleep of the dead, because when he 
finally woke, it was late afternoon. He got up and had 
something to eat, but he didn't get dressed. He wanted 
to go back to bed, but he didn't, because he knew that 
he wouldn't fall asleep. Questions kept coming into 
his mind, one after the other. The answer to each of 
them showed why the video was wrong, but none of them 
could wipe away what he had seen.

He tried to remember exactly what happened in the 
studio, but he couldn't because he had blocked it out. 
An idea came into his mind that if he could remember, 
he might be able prove the video was wrong. He 
wondered if he was just fooling himself so he could 
keep on denying the truth.

He went over and over what he did remember. His head 
ached from concentrating. Gradually, a few moments 
came back to him, and he used them to try again to re-
create in his mind everything from the beginning to 
the end. He remembered the end more clearly and 
bitterly, the fight about the video between Grace and 
Delilah, Grace taking him home, Grace breaking the DVD 
and him blacking out. As he went over that for the 
umpteenth time, he wondered why Grace made such a fuss 
about the disk and had broken his copy.

Then he remembered that Delilah had sent him another 
copy of the video with the contract a few days later. 
He had thrown it into a drawer and never touched it. 
She had told him she wanted to force him to see it, 
but he had thought that was because she had despised 
him. Maybe it was just part of her acting like that. 
But maybe Delilah had recorded a message on the DVD 
that she wanted him to see.

It was a crazy thought, but he was grasping at straws. 
He would never see Delilah again, but if she said 
something on the video about loving him, maybe it 
would help him deal with the depression that was 
engulfing him. He stopped thinking of anything else 
except finding that DVD. It didn't take him long to 
discover the padded envelope pushed in the back of a 
drawer.

He inserted the DVD into his computer and began 
watching. At first, he was disappointed, because there 
was no message from Delilah, at least not at the 
beginning. Then he was confused, until he realized 
that he wasn't watching the finished production on the 
Internet but the raw footage, and that each camera had 
recorded the action during the same period of time but 
from different positions.

He kept on watching, silently, and then he came to a 
part that made him scream and jump up from the 
computer and run from room to room screaming until he 
was out of breath. Then he fell to his knees. "And 
then he went back to the computer and watched the rest 
of the videos as tears streamed down his face.

***

When he called Myra the next day, he told her that he 
had finally watched the femdom video and now he 
understood what she was talking about. He wondered if 
she would be willing to come over that night to 
discuss it.

"Why don't you come over to my place," she said. "I'm 
so happy for you, Travis. I insist. I'm going to cook 
dinner, and I'll show you some things that I know 
you'll find interesting."

"Do you have a DVD player?" he asked.

"Yes," she said. "I bring home my laptop, and I also 
have one for my large flat-screen television. Why do 
you ask?"

"I'd like to show you some videos that I think you'll 
find interesting," he said.

"That sounds great," she said. "And maybe after that, 
I can show you some of the videos I've made."

While dinner was finishing, she gave him a tour of the 
house. She spent most of the time showing him her home 
video studio, a large empty room with a spongy rubber 
floor and some strange furniture in addition to a 
large bed. There were things attached to the walls and 
hanging from the ceiling, and she explained with 
delight what each item was for. She proudly told him 
that she had three professional cameras mounted on 
rolling tripods and wired to operate in synch to 
capture all the action without her having to do 
anything. She turned on her professional studio 
lights, and the room was so bright he had to squint. 
"Maybe I can give you a demonstration of how this 
works later if you like," she said with a giggle.

Dinner was delicious, and she said she was so happy to 
see him enjoying it, because his gusto meant that he 
was probably no longer depressed. When he said he was 
happier tonight than he had been in a long time, she 
jumped up and kissed him on the lips. He felt her 
trying to insert her tongue, but he drew away.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I need to slow down and try 
not to make you uncomfortable. I have to keep 
reminding myself that despite what you did on the 
video, this is really all new to you."

"Thanks," said Travis. "You really are an angel."

After dinner, she looked at him and said, "What would 
you like to do now, Travis?"

He reminded her about the video, and she said, "Yes, 
of course. You'd like to show me some videos. And then 
I'll show you mine. Maybe they will put us in the mood 
to make a video of our own."

He didn't reply, but when he started his video, he saw 
her looking at him. She was smiling, but not the smile 
of warmth and comfort that he had seen up to now. Her 
smile was lascivious and seductive. He turned to look 
at the screen, and out of the corner of his eye, he 
saw her head turn that way, too.

When the video began, he turned from the screen and 
focused on her expression as she watched. She seemed 
confused at first until she realized it was the raw 
footage of the same video she had seen online. She was 
fascinated.

Then came the part that had made him scream and jump 
up at home. She screamed and jumped up, too. He paused 
the video, and he heard her crying. The sound was 
heartrending, like a mother whose child was dying in 
her arms. After a while, she calmed down.

"Do you want to see the rest of it?" he said.

"Yes," she said and then blew her nose. "I may as well 
see it all." He saw her shoulders shaking now and then 
as she wept while she watched the footage from every 
camera, almost two and a half hours in all. When it 
was over, she rushed to the bathroom.

He waited nearly 15 minutes until she came out. Her 
wonderful smile was back on her face, and she was 
calm. But he saw her eyes were red.

"I want you to know how sorry I am for what I put you 
through," she said. "I have no excuse, because I know 
all about video editing. I took a lot of classes, and 
I use all the latest hardware and software. I know all 
the tricks of moving segments around to heighten 
excitement and drama.

"Grace is good, but I should have spotted the 
continuity lapses at once, even in the degraded 
version on the Internet. The soundtrack also is a good 
indicator when insertions are used out of order. Using 
music to cover that up is a dead giveaway.

"As soon as I saw the raw video of Grace putting you 
through those smiles and nods and laughter and 
gestures, I understood how she had spliced them in to 
tell the story that she wanted to tell.

"The studio had such good microphones that I could 
hear everything in the raw videos, even your screaming 
through the ball gag. When she told you about how she 
had doctored your drink, I felt so stupid. That's the 
oldest trick in the book to make a man look like he's 
aroused when he's not excited. I never use it, but all 
the porn producers do.

"While I was cleaning up in the bathroom, I was 
thinking. I know I need to process this to understand 
why I made such a horrible mistake. I don't want to 
admit it, Travis, but I think the fantasy of you and 
me blinded me to anything that might get in the way of 
it. I think I was doing the same thing I accused you 
of doing, and I feel so ashamed."

She looked down at the floor in dejection. Travis 
didn't say anything. He was waiting. But after a 
minute, he got impatient.

"Are you going to help me, Myra?" he said.

"What?" she said, looking up into his eyes. He saw her 
cheeks were wet with tears again.

"Are you going to help me?" he said.

"Help you?" she repeated. "Oh yes, I thought I was 
helping you, but I was only deceiving myself."

"I mean, are you going to help me now -- with 
Delilah?" he said.

"Oh, Travis," she said. "I'm so selfish. I was 
thinking about how I had planned a wonderful evening 
for the two of us and how I would make a wonderful 
video of it for you. And now you're going to leave, 
and I'll never see you again, and my dream is over. I 
didn't think about you for a moment.

"I'll help you, Travis, of course, in any way I can. 
But I don't know Delilah, so right now I have no idea 
of what we can do. It seems almost impossible that 
there's a way to get you together with her again, but 
we'll try."

"My idea is pretty simple," he said. "I'm sure you'll 
think of a better one, but I was thinking that if you 
could get Abigail to sit down with me and let me 
explain everything until she understood, she might 
talk to Delilah for me."

"I don't know if that will work," said Myra, "because 
she's seen the online video, and Grace did a wonderful 
job of making everyone who sees it think you were 
enjoying yourself."

"What I showed you is a copy I made for you of my 
DVD," said Travis. "It's for you to keep if you want. 
I thought you might enjoy watching it again, so it's 
my present to you. Do you think you can get her to 
watch it?"

"Thank you so much, Travis," she said. "You are so 
thoughtful. I will treasure it and think of what a 
wonderful man you are when I watch it. I don't know if 
I can force Abigail to sit through it, but I have an 
idea. Maybe there's a way."

She looked at the video and then at him. She closed 
her eyes and took a few deep breaths and then opened 
them again and gazed at him. He waited for her to say 
something, because it looked like she wanted to speak 
but was hesitating.

"Whatever you want to say, you can say it, Myra," he 
said. "Remember, we aren't hiding anything from each 
other."

She took another breath and then looked down, averting 
his eyes, as she spoke. "I was wondering, Travis, if I 
did this for you, would you be willing to --." She 
stopped in mid-sentence.

He didn't say anything, but he got up slowly. For a 
moment, he stood looking at her. She was still looking 
at the floor. When he was driving to her house that 
night, he had a feeling that it might come down to 
this. He had agonized over his feelings of fear and 
repulsion and prayed for help in deciding what to do. 
In the end, he decided that Delilah's soul was 
important enough to him that he would do anything to 
get Myra to help him. Now he was calm as he began 
walking toward the bedroom.

Myra looked up and saw him. She got up and took a 
couple of steps to follow him, and then she stopped 
and began shaking. "No," she said softly. When she saw 
that Travis hadn't heard her, she screamed "No!" so 
loud that he jumped.

"No," she said a third time. "I can't do this to you. 
Everything in me says yes, except something quiet that 
I can barely hear. It's telling me that you won't be 
ruined if we do this, but I will ruin myself as a 
human being, and I'll never find happiness, because 
I'll never be able to think of myself again as a 
person who deserves happiness.

"When I was telling you what I would like to do to 
you, I made you look at me, because I was looking for 
any slight indication that would show me there's a 
part of you that responded to what I was talking 
about. But all I saw was revulsion. I thought it was 
because you were still in denial.

"But after I saw the video, my fantasy about us is 
finished. It's just hard to let go of it. You love 
Delilah so much that you're willing to let me do what 
I want to you. I don't think I will ever find someone 
who loves me that much, but you've given me a sliver 
of hope, Travis. I want a man like you. I mean, I want 
a man who's like you, except different in one area. I 
think I've been looking for love in all the wrong 
places, but you've given me a new idea.

"Travis, I'm going to make Abigail understand about 
you, and I'll convince her to help you. I promise you 
that. I have my doubts about whether that will get you 
anyplace, but I want more than anything for you and 
Delilah to be together.

"You are an angel, Myra," he said. "No matter what 
happens, you will always be my angel, and I will 
always love you." He walked to her and saw she was 
crying again, and he put his arms around her. Her arms 
wrapped around him, and she clutched him to her so 
tightly that she squeezed the air out of him. They 
stood like that for a long time.

***

A week later, Abigail called him.

"I almost lost it when I saw you lying there again in 
that outfit," she said, "but Myra only showed me the 
part where Grace was making you smile and nod and make 
those gestures. Then she thankfully turned off the DVD 
and explained what was going on and took me to her 
office and downloaded your Internet video. After a 
couple of minutes, I saw what Grace had done, and I 
told her to turn it off. I almost threw up again.

"I'm really sorry about this, and I want to make it up 
to you. Just tell me what you want me to do."

They decided the best thing was for her to just get 
Delilah to open up about her feelings toward him and 
then talk about the best way to get through to her. 
Abigail promised she would make Delilah meet with her.

It took a couple of weeks, but one afternoon, he got a 
call from Abigail. "I just came from lunch with 
Delilah, and I have no time to talk," she said, "but 
I'll call you tonight. You won't believe what I found 
out."

He didn't wait for her call. As soon as he walked 
through his door, he went right to the phone.

"I don't have encouraging news, Travis," said Abigail. 
"When I mentioned your name, she got deathly pale, and 
I thought she was going to faint. After she recovered, 
she asked me never to say your name again and not to 
ask her why.

"I couldn't think of any reply to that, and I was 
worried that if I ignored her request, she would get 
up and leave, so I dropped it. I haven't thought of a 
way to get past this yet, but I'll work on it.

"What I wanted to tell you is that Delilah shocked me. 
Her whole personality has changed. Her ideas are 
weird. In fact, they remind me of some of your ideas.

"I almost fell off my chair when she told me she's 
been going to church every Sunday for the last couple 
of months. I told her I didn't believe her, and she 
told me she didn't care what I or Grace thought. She 
said going to church was giving her solace, and she 
felt more at peace there than anywhere else. She told 
me she's been going to your church, and she really 
likes it."

"Why haven't I seen her if she's there every week?" 
said Travis.

"I wondered about that. She told me she arrives a few 
minutes late and sits at the very back, and each week, 
she gets up and leaves just before the final 
benediction and gets to her car and drives off before 
anyone else comes out. She said she's going to look 
for another church because as much as she likes yours, 
she's worried about running into you if she gets more 
involved."

"It's hard for me to believe," said Travis.

"Yes," said Abigail. "It's totally not Delilah, but 
why would she say that? That's all I have to report to 
you for now, but I'm going to stay in touch with her. 
There's got to be a way to get her to talk to you. 
Just be patient."

Travis thought about what Abigail had said for a 
couple of days, and then decided he was not going to 
be patient. The first time the minister asked the 
congregation to rise the next Sunday, he turned 
around, but he didn't see anything. When the minister 
told everyone to be seated, he scanned the rows at the 
back and saw her sitting down. She wasn't looking in 
his direction, so he didn't think she saw him spot 
her.

He waited until the minister began the benediction and 
then got up and walked up the aisle quickly. He saw 
that the place where she had been sitting was already 
empty. People turned their heads as he burst through 
the doors. She had just gotten to the bottom of the 
stairs when he walked out and was walking briskly 
toward the parking lot. She heard the sound of the 
church doors opening and turned around and saw him.

She began walking faster, and he began running. She 
started running, too, but he caught up to her and 
grabbed her arm and pulled her around to face him.

"No!" she screamed. "Travis, no!" She yanked her arm 
free and put her hands over her ears.

He looked around. No one else had left the church yet. 
Thank you, God, he said to himself. He pulled her to 
him and kissed her. She took her hands away from her 
ears to push him away. She didn't scream, but in a 
determined voice, she said, "No, Travis! I will never 
do that again. Let me go!"

"Shut up, Delilah!" he said. "I'll let you go in a 
minute. But first, I need to know if you are going to 
believe Grace or what I tell you now.

"I don't want to do that again. I want to marry you, 
and once you are mine in the eyes of God, I want to 
make love to you all day long with no more guilt. 
Whatever you choose to do while we make love, I'll 
accept it, because I now realize you told me the 
truth. Even though your ideas came from those horrible 
things you and Grace did to those men, what you did 
with me was not the same thing and you never tried to 
hurt or humiliate me.

"You tried to make me believe that you were only 
interested in your investment, but now I know the 
truth. And I know about `Disgusting Debutantes' and 
how you were ready to sacrifice your body to save me 
from ruin.

"I'm telling you again that I never wanted to do that 
video, and I never want to do another one, no matter 
what Grace tells you, and I can show you how she got 
you to you believe her lie. All I want to do is go to 
church with you, make love with you and have children 
with you and raise them in a house filled with love.

"So you can believe Grace or you can believe me. Now 
I'm going to let you go and turn around and walk away, 
and I promise you I'll never bother you again."

He walked slowly for about 10 steps with his shoulders 
back and his head high, but then his body slowly began 
collapsing into itself from the torment in his brain. 
It was really over now, he thought. After 15 steps, he 
heard a loud scream behind him. She was in pain, too, 
he thought, but it didn't give him any satisfaction.

Then she screamed again, but this time there were 
words. "Travis," she screamed. "Come back! Please come 
back, please!" Her last word died on the air, and he 
turned around in time to see her crumple to the 
ground. As he ran up to her, he saw her lying on the 
sidewalk sobbing and shaking.

***

When she told him she would never forgive Grace, he 
didn't argue with her. It wasn't until a year after 
they had been married that she told him on the way to 
church that she was going to pray for Grace for the 
first time that day, and how did he feel about her 
forgiving Grace and seeing her again?

"I think your faith is so strong now that there's no 
way Grace can harm you," he said. "Some day, she might 
want to change her life, and if you keep in contact, 
you might be able to help her."

Long before that, maybe a month after they had 
reconciled, he did a double take one Sunday as they 
were leaving services and he saw Myra talking to 
another church member. She was in one of the rear 
pews, almost the same location that Delilah had been 
sitting in. He walked out and asked Delilah to walk 
ahead a little and then wait for him, because he 
needed to talk to someone.

When Myra came through the door, he stepped forward, 
and she saw him. She smiled her wonderful smile and 
embraced him as powerfully as she had the night he had 
been at her house and kissed him hard on the cheek. 
Then she noticed Delilah staring at her and him and 
released him quickly.

"What are you doing here?" he said.

"It's because of you," she said. "I thought about you 
a lot after the last time we saw each other. I kept 
coming back to the kind of man you were. I've known 
men who said they were religious before, but they were 
just trying to get themselves aroused by committing 
terrible sins. It never worked, because they didn't 
really believe in their religion's rules. You were the 
first real Christian I ever met.

"So I decided that I needed to open my mind and check 
into other kinds of men than those I've been involved 
with. I've met some really nice men here already, and 
some nice women, too. I've been thinking about 
becoming a member of your church. Do you mind?"

"Not at all," said Travis. "I don't know if you'll 
find the man you want here, but I hope you find grace 
and peace of mind."

Before she could say anything else, he shook her hand 
and hurried to join Delilah.

"What was that all about?" Delilah asked.

"While we were apart, I dated her a few times," he 
said. "She's really an angel in disguise. We never did 
anything. Most of the time we talked about you."

"Tell me more," said Delilah.

"She's a very unusual woman," he said. "She's a 
psychologist who knows a lot about abnormal sex, and 
she does a lot of the same things as Grace, except not 
for money. And if it wasn't for her --."

"You can stop now, Travis," she said. He saw that she 
had become pale. "I don't want to hear any more. It 
makes me think about what happened and how I nearly 
lost you. I told you, I still wake up sometimes in the 
middle of the night shaking with fear until I see you 
lying beside me."

The two women met, and they talked politely to each 
other during church activities, but Myra sensed that 
Delilah was nervous around her, so she tried to keep 
her distance. Delilah didn't bring her up again except 
one time, when she told him a friend of hers said that 
nearly all the eligible bachelors at the church were 
buzzing around her, and she had dated several of them.

"I'm so happy to hear that," he said. "She is an 
angel."

"You know, the devil was an angel," said Delilah.

***

"Why isn't Delilah here?" said Myra when she came up 
to him after Wednesday night Bible class. "Is 
everything going OK?"

"Yes, she's doing really well," said Travis. "She left 
today for a retreat, and she won't get back until 
Sunday night, but it's the last trip she's taking. 
When one of the partners told her the company doctor 
said it was safe to for her to fly for another month, 
she told him she wasn't taking any chances and offered 
to sell out. The partner backed off right away."

"Do you know what it is yet?" said Myra.

"Yes, it's a boy," said Travis.

"I'm so happy for the two of you," said Myra.

"Thank you, Angel," he said and smiled. "I hope 
Peter's not sick."

"No, he's fine," said Myra. "He got Barbara to sub for 
him tonight because he's traveling on business. He's 
going to be gone another week, and I really miss him."

"I am so pleased you like Peter," said Travis. "He is 
such a terrific guy." He saw that Myra was gazing at 
him with a quizzical expression, as if she was trying 
to make up her mind about something. Then her smile 
came back.

"Yes," she said, "Peter is really special. Listen, 
Travis, I have to run now. I'm going out for coffee 
with a few of the ladies in our class. But I want to 
talk to you after church on Sunday."

"I don't know, Myra," he said. "Do you think that's a 
good idea?"

"Oh, don't worry," she said. "We're not going 
anywhere. Peter and I like to sit and talk on a bench 
under a shady tree in the children's Bible garden, so 
that's where we'll go. I'm sure people will see us 
there, but I don't care. Some of my friends have been 
making fun of me for coming to this church, but I 
think something is rubbing off from Sunday school, 
Peter's Bible study class and the minister's sermons, 
because I've almost stopped caring what people think 
about me. Do you have anything to do after church?"

"No," he said hesitantly.

"Then please think about it," she said. "It would 
really mean a lot to me. I've got to run now. Bye."

***

She walked briskly to the children's Bible garden, and 
he was a half-step behind her. He wished he was like 
her and didn't care what people thought. He wanted to 
hunch over and hide, but he walked straight and tall 
in case anyone was watching.

When they sat down, he looked at her. She moved close 
to him, but she saw the panic in his eyes and quickly 
moved back. He saw she was holding herself back for a 
while, still trying to decide, and then she spoke.

"Travis, I'm sorry to do this to you," she said, "but 
this may be the last time we'll ever talk in private. 
I know it's selfish of me to make you uncomfortable, 
but when I realized that both Peter and Delilah 
wouldn't be here today, I had to do it. I'm totally 
frustrated, because I'm the happiest woman in the 
world, but I can't tell anybody.

"On Wednesday night, I realized you were the one 
person in the world who would understand, so I'm going 
to torture you with my joy and then pray really hard 
for you to forgive me. It's your fault anyway, because 
if I hadn't met you, I wouldn't have joined this 
church. I was so overcome by how welcoming everyone 
was, and then I was flattered by the attention from 
the bachelors. I really liked each one that I dated, 
and that encouraged me to keep seeking both spiritual 
and emotional satisfaction. I didn't want to waste 
anyone's time, so as soon as I got to know what made 
them tick -- and you know I can find that out really 
fast -- I moved on quickly. It gave me a bit of a 
reputation, but I knew I was doing the right thing for 
them and me.

"I know you and Delilah were surprised when I started 
coming to Peter's class, but I decided that it was big 
enough that I could participate and still stay far 
enough away to not spoil it for you. I hope I've 
succeeded.

"It was the pastor who suggested I come on Wednesday 
nights. I was always asking him complicated questions 
about faith and morality, and he said that Peter was a 
wonderful teacher and exemplified a virtuous man more 
than anyone he knew. He felt sure that Peter would 
patiently lead me to the answers I was seeking.

"I know sometimes you and the others were embarrassed 
by my questions when I first joined the class, but 
Peter never made me feel I didn't belong there. He was 
surprised at how I devoured the books he suggested for 
me, and it wasn't long before I was confident enough 
to jump into the discussions and challenge people when 
I felt they were wrong.

"Of course, like all the other single girls in the 
class, I couldn't help noticing his athletic physique 
and how handsome he was. When we girls got together 
and talked about him, it wasn't about his views of 
`Hebrews' or `Acts.' I found out most of them were in 
the class just to look at him. A few of them had dated 
him and said they were frustrated because while they 
were willing to set aside some of their moral 
principles because of their desire for him, he was the 
most devout man they had ever met and never deviated 
from the path as far as they could tell.

"I don't know if you remember a few months ago when I 
brought up something really complex and seemingly 
contradictory in the Old Testament, and he said that 
it would take the whole class to explain it. After 
class, I was talking to him and I still don't know 
why, but I told him that I'd be willing to cook dinner 
for him if he'd be willing to waste an evening 
explaining the passages I had brought up earlier. The 
minute I said it, I was embarrassed. He's the most 
respected lay teacher at our church, and everyone is 
intimidated by his knowledge and wisdom. Like many of 
our flock, I put him on a pedestal. And here I was, 
someone he probably considered woefully ignorant about 
Christianity, presuming to ask him to dinner.

"But he accepted my invitation graciously without a 
second thought. As I found out later, he does things 
like that all the time. People are surprised at how 
accessible he is to anyone who's honestly trying to 
learn.

"Of course, I didn't give him the tour, like I did 
you. I went all out to make a great meal, and we 
talked about all kinds of things over dinner, starting 
with my question and going on to many other religious 
subjects. My mind was reeling with all the things I 
was learning.

"While I was making coffee, he wandered into the 
living room, and when I came in with the coffee, I was 
embarrassed to see him standing in front of a display 
case in the corner of the room.

"He asked me about it, and I tried to dismiss it as an 
eccentricity by telling him that for a while I had 
gotten into collecting different kinds of whips and 
lashes. I thought he would ask me how did I ever get 
interested in that, but he didn't. He picked up one of 
the whips and said it looked like a cat 'o nine tails 
that medieval Christians used for flagellating 
themselves.

"I told him that's exactly what it was and asked him 
how he knew so much about it. He told me that he had 
studied that era extensively and often thought about 
what devout Christians had done to themselves to keep 
from falling into sin. He said he had even 
intellectually entertained the idea of self-
flagellation sometimes when he was tempted or when he 
lost a battle with the devil, but he had never seen a 
real cat, only drawings or photos."

"You can imagine that I was almost boiling over when I 
heard his words. In the space of a few seconds, I had 
stopped thinking of him as a philosopher on a pedestal 
and began feeling a sexual attraction. But I 
restrained myself and pretended that I was also 
interested in whips on a theoretical level. I 
explained the different items in my collection and 
what they were used for. He seemed interested, but I 
couldn't tell if he was just being polite. Before we 
moved to the coffee table, he picked up the cat again 
and turned it around in his hands a few times before 
replacing it. We went back to talking about religion, 
and he went home.

"To make a long story short, I thought a lot about him 
that night, and some of my thinking resulted in 
wonderful orgasms. After the next class, I concocted a 
reason to ask him for dinner again, and he accepted. 
This time I served some wine and appetizers in the 
living room before dinner. As I was bringing things to 
the coffee table, I saw him go over and take the cat 
and begin turning it over in his hands again.

"I walked over to him and said, 'You know, medieval 
Christians didn't just flagellate themselves with 
this. Some of them would ask others to whip them, 
because it was more thorough and efficient.'"

"'I know,' he said.

"'Are you curious about how that would feel,' I said.

"He looked at me and didn't say anything, but he 
didn't put the cat back.

"'If you want, I could give you a few strokes just to 
satisfy your curiosity,' I said. `And then we could 
have a nice glass of wine and dinner.'

"He still didn't say anything.

"'To get a true idea of how the medievals felt, you'd 
have to take off your shirt,' I said. `You're probably 
feeling that would embarrass me, but I have seen and 
heard everything in my practice, so I wouldn't feel 
uncomfortable.'

"He still didn't say anything, and he looked at the 
cat as he felt it. He had his back to me the whole 
time so far, but now he turned around and handed me 
the cat. Then he turned to face away from me, and from 
his head looking down and the position of his hands, I 
could see he was unbuttoning his shirt.

"He pulled his arms out of his shirt and let it drop 
below his waist, and then he pulled off his undershirt 
and put it on the display case, all without saying a 
word. Then he surprised me by stepping back from the 
case and leaning down and grasping it while he spread 
his legs. His bare back was nearly horizontal.

"I moved closer to him and tried to control my 
emotions and speak calmly. `I'm going to give you 
five, Peter, because otherwise you won't really get 
the idea of what it was like for the medieval 
Christians. If you don't want me to do that, just tell 
me.' He didn't say anything.

"I was so worked up that I brought down the cat much 
harder than I intended on my first stroke. He screamed 
loudly and nearly fell to the floor. But he didn't 
tell me to stop, and after a minute he got into his 
previous position again. Since he had accepted my 
heavy stroke with no complaint, I was just as vigorous 
on the next three, and on the last one, I put 
everything I had into it. That one brought an agonized 
shriek and made him stagger as he let go of the case 
with one hand.

"I waited to see what he would do. He stood holding 
onto the case for support for a couple of minutes and 
then he straightened up. I saw the bright red lines 
across his back as he walked slowly to the bathroom, 
and I had an orgasm.

"I went to the living room and sat down to wait. It 
wasn't more than five minutes before he joined me. His 
face looked like he had washed it, and his shirt was 
tucked in. He looked just like he had looked when he 
had walked in the door. As if nothing had just 
happened, we had some wine and appetizers and then a 
great dinner, and the conversation was at such an 
intellectual level that my mind was hurting again by 
the time we were done.

"When he was leaving, I decided to be bold. I asked 
him if he was doing anything the following Saturday 
night, and he said no. I invited him to dinner again. 
He didn't answer right way, but after gazing at me a 
few minutes, he said, 'Yes,' kissed me on the cheek 
and walked quickly to his car.

"I saw him look directly at me for no reason several 
times at the Wednesday lesson, but I didn't go up to 
talk to him after class. He called me Friday to 
confirm that he was still invited for dinner Saturday.

"I decided to go for broke that night. Usually, I get 
to know a man through talking to him before deciding 
what to do to him. For some reason, I wanted this to 
be different. I wanted to go with my feelings and not 
use my training. I thought about how my feelings had 
betrayed me with you, but I went ahead anyway.

"As soon as he walked in the door, I took him by the 
hand and led him to the display. I picked up the cat 
in my right hand and stood facing him. His head was 
down, facing the floor. I gently put my left hand 
under his chin and lifted his head up until he was 
looking into my eyes.

"'You got some idea of how this worked last week,' I 
said, 'And tonight I'm willing to show you what they 
actually endured. That means 25 to 30 strokes, and I 
won't tell you exactly how many, and I won't count 
them for you.'

"His chin was still in my hand, and our eyes were 
locked as I spoke, but I could feel him take a deep 
breath. I waited for him to speak, but he didn't say 
anything, so I took a deep breath of my own and 
plunged over the cliff.

"'If you want me to do that for you tonight,' I said, 
'you're going to have to take your clothes off here in 
the living room while you're looking at me. Then 
you'll have to go into the bedroom and get into the 
position I tell you to get into.'

"His head snapped up out of my hand, and his eyes grew 
wide. For a few seconds, I thought I had blown it. But 
then I saw him thinking about what I said and no 
longer reacting. I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew 
that when a man has to think about something like I 
had just said to him, he's already decided.

"When he was naked, I got him on his hands and knees 
on my bed, and he didn't say anything as I moved him 
around to get the best lighting. Then I adjusted the 
cameras. This time, I whipped only his buttocks. As I 
thought, when I stopped after about 10 strokes, I 
noticed he was fully aroused even though he was still 
screaming. I put some lube on my hands and reached for 
his penis with my left hand. He moved quickly away 
from me on the bed, but I grabbed his testicles with 
my right hand and squeezed them hard.

"He collapsed onto the bed and began moaning and 
crying. I continued to squeeze for almost 20 seconds 
and then let go. I let him lie on the bed and sob for 
a couple of minutes and then I reached under him and 
grasped his testicles again. I slowly pulled them back 
between his legs and lifted them up. Gradually his 
body followed as I pulled him back up by his 
testicles.

"When he was on his hands and knees again, I stopped 
pulling and began to gently move them in my hand. When 
my left hand reached for his penis again, he didn't 
move. It was no longer aroused, but I stroked the 
shriveled penis until he began to get hard again, and 
then I began to pump him. He started to respond more 
and got fully aroused. He began to thrust forward into 
my hand, but he stopped when I let go of his testicles 
and picked up the cat and resumed whipping him.

"He began to scream again, but he didn't grow softer 
as I pumped him while I was whipping him. I wanted him 
to come while I was flagellating him, but his body 
didn't know what to do, and once I got to 30, I knew I 
had to stop or his buttocks wouldn't recover for 
weeks. I was still pumping him, and he was still hard, 
but he was holding back. I found out later that it was 
because he was totally ashamed of what he was doing. 
He doesn't have that problem anymore.

"I hesitated and then thought, why not? So while I was 
pumping him hard with my left hand, I stuck my right 
hand in the lube and then plunged my right index 
finger as hard and deep into his anus as I could. That 
did it. He almost roared as he began spurting onto the 
bed. I continued to pump him until he was soft, and 
then got up and went to the bathroom to wash off my 
hands and try to compose myself for what might happen 
next.

"I wasn't gone long, but when I opened the bathroom 
door, I didn't see him. I rushed through the living 
room in time to see my front door close. When I opened 
it, he was already pulling his car door open, and he 
was gone in a flash.

"For some reason, I was calm. I thought about what had 
happened, and I couldn't find anything that didn't 
feel right. Then the phone rang. It was Peter. `I'm 
sorry I rushed out like that,' he said, `but I had to 
think, and I had to be by myself or I knew I wouldn't 
be able to.'

"'You're missing a good dinner,' I said, 'I want to 
apologize if I came on too strong.'

"'I don't know if you did,' he told me, 'but my mind 
is totally confused about what just happened and about 
you. I think I may need professional help because I'm 
scared by some of the things I'm thinking. Maybe you 
can recommend someone.'

"I told him that before I did that I wanted to talk to 
him. He was hesitant, so I told him that what I meant 
by talking this time had nothing to do with what had 
happened that evening. In fact, I said it would be 
better if I came over to his place, and there would be 
no dinner or whips, only conversation. He finally 
agreed, and our first coffee date took place a week 
later.

"I saw that it was time to let go of the exciting 
romance of discovery and spontaneity and do what I do 
best. The next three times we met were actually 
interview sessions, although he didn't realize it at 
the time. I found out everything I needed to know 
about him, and I started slowly lifting the veil and 
letting him see my life.

"I was shocked to find out that his sex drive is as 
strong as mine. Do you know why he's so muscular? It's 
because he found that exercising is one way to get his 
mind off sex. He takes one or two cold showers every 
day. Sometimes he watches porn, but he told me he 
would rather die than have sexual relations outside of 
marriage.

"He's much more devout than you are and horribly self-
critical, especially about sex. He wants desperately 
to be kind of man everybody thinks he is, but he feels 
he's living a lie because of things like having 
lustful thoughts about the bachelorettes who parade 
themselves in front of him.

"He's so deep that I'm still finding out things about 
him, and everything I find out makes me love him more. 
He's letting me do to him all the things that were 
done to you in that femdom video and many more. My 
imagination is running wild, and he's responding to 
everything I think up.

"One night, I surprised him by doing my tribute to 
this Korean Internet porn star who viciously punches a 
man's balls over and over just as he's coming, sending 
his semen flying like the juice of a lemon that's been 
hit with a sledgehammer. I was worried because he 
fainted from the pain, and I had trouble getting him 
home. The next day all he said was to please never do 
anything like that again, but I noticed that's become 
his favorite video to watch.

"We are together nearly every second that he or I 
aren't at work or at church. We are even working out 
together. I can't get enough of him, but when I 
suggested the other day that he might be getting tired 
of spending all his time with me and that we should 
cool it a little, he got angry with me for the first 
time.

"He proposed to me, and he was in tears when I 
accepted. We had an amazing session after that. You 
know what he said when we were both lying there 
exhausted and he was in terrible pain before I 
gathered the strength to get up and attend to him? He 
said that as far as he was concerned, I was a virgin 
because I became a new woman when I was born again. He 
said he looked forward to having intercourse with me 
for the first time on our wedding night and was 
imagining me taking off my pure white gown in front of 
him.

"He told me he wants more than just a femdom 
relationship, and I said I did, too. He said he wants 
to make passionate love without any pain or 
humiliation, and I told him I'm dying to do that, too. 
But you know what, I'm not impatient. I'm purifying 
myself for that moment on our wedding night, so it 
will be holy. I already know it's also going to be 
hot. He's going to be my virgin, and I'm going to be 
his, at least in my soul.

"We have a long way to go. I still have to treat him 
like a patient sometimes, because he's suppressed his 
nature so long that it's not easy to move forward. He 
still prays constantly for me and him and is sometimes 
overcome with guilt about what we do together and how 
much he craves it. I pray for him to heal and accept 
what he is and be whole, and I think he's starting to 
understand that what we do is not harmful to anyone 
else or to our souls and that when he stops wasting 
time and energy on guilt, he'll have more to give God 
and his creatures.

"Meanwhile, I'm having a wonderful time with the most 
amazing man I've ever known. You are in second place 
now, but I still love you, Travis, and I always will. 
You have given me a gift so wonderful, it must come 
from heaven. God used you as the messenger. Yes, 
Travis, I know I helped you a little, but you are the 
real thing. You are the angel who saved me.

"That's no good, Travis. Enough people have seen me 
talking your ears off here that Delilah and Peter are 
going to be receiving some reports. And if the 
tattletales see us crying together like this, the 
tongues are really going to wag. I can take care of 
Peter, but if I hear Delilah is upset about the 
gossip, I'm going to go right up to her, and you're 
not going to stop me. She needs someone to tell her 
how grateful she ought to be that she married an 
angel." 

END

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This story was written as an adult fantasy. The author
does not condone the described behavior in real life in
any way, shape or form. Anyone tempted to act out any
of the scenarios in this story should seriously 
consider seeking professional help.
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Kristen's collection - Directory 78