("`-''-/").___..--''"`-._ `6_ 6 ) `-. ( ).`-.__.`) (_Y_.)' ._ ) `._ `. ``-..-' _..`--'_..-_/ /--'_.' ,' (((' (((-((('' (((( K R I S T E N' S C O L L E C T I O N _________________________________________ WARNING! This text file contains sexually explicit material. If you do not wish to read this type of literature, or you are under age, PLEASE DELETE THIS FILE NOW!!!! _________________________________________ Scroll down to view text -------------------------------------------------------- This work is copyrighted to the author © 2006. Please don't remove the author information or make any changes to this story. You may post freely to non-commercial "free" sites, or in the "free" area of commercial sites. Thank you for your consideration. -------------------------------------------------------- Mr. Gosford's Dilemma by Bert Hart (berthart@merr.com) *** In the spring of 1813, Mr. Gosford rides to Dallylong to see his beloved Elizabeth Carleton. His longstanding fantasies are fulfilled. (MF, 1st, humor, rom) *** It was that time of year when woodland plants, newly charged with liquid power, churn the earth in their struggle to the light, and when birds and frogs monotonously advertise their availability. Dreadnaught, as he printed his proud hooves in the soft April soil and rocked smooth muscles beneath his master's loins, was dreaming of complaisant mares. His master, too, was not immune to seasonal blandishment. Mr. James Gosford, 21, was an honourable man whose ruminations about his beloved Miss Elizabeth Carleton usually lay upon the highest moral plane. But not today. Thus as he rode along, in the eye of his genius he imagined Miss Carleton sprawled before him upon a bearskin rug, her well-turned and deliciously bare ankles peeking out shyly from beneath her frock. And now, with an insouciant and wanton air, she was drawing up gown and petticoats alike, exposing in a trice to his concupiscent gaze her alabaster limbs, from sole to mid-thigh. But she drew no higher. James ceased his deliberations at this point, but not out of a sense of delicacy toward Miss Elizabeth. He firmly believed that a man's private thoughts harm no one. Rather it was because of the unfortunate fact that Mr. Gosford had never actually seen what lies between a lady's legs, nor despite considerable effort had he ever been able to quite imagine what might be there. One might think that, as master of his domains, he would long since have seized upon some wretched serving wench and subjected her to an intimate and embarrassing inspection under the pretext of looking for some missing trifle. But dissimulation was not a part of his character, nor did he fancy fouling his own nest. Or visiting London, perhaps he could have engaged the services of a doxy, who for a shilling would have shown him her secret parts and for half a crown introduced him to their usage. But his natural decency and genuine respect for all of womankind encompassed even the bawd. James sighed deeply as he approached the stables and dismounted stiffly. Once again he mused upon how difficult it was to remain pure. As he handed off Dreadnaught to his man and approached the manor, he reflected upon the words of St. Paul. "It is better to marry than to burn." It was time to write the most important letter of his young life. Sodall April 17, 1813 My Dear Mr. and Mrs. Carleton, It has scarcely been a fortnight since I was the recipient of your most kind hospitality at Dallylong, and it would under normal circumstances be presumptuous for me to request so soon that you once more extend that same generousity. But Mrs. Carleton did importune me on no less than four occasions to return quickly, lest I lose the hand of Miss Elizabeth to another suitor. Black ink can hardly express with what eagerness I anticipate seeing Miss Elizabeth again. How pleasantly the time passed at my late visit! In particular, I remember the evening before I left, when we were all assembled in the drawing room and Miss Elizabeth played upon the lute and sang. Perhaps it was my fulsome praise which caused her to cease in embarrassment. I could have listened for hours. In any event, when she put down her instrument and began to speak to me in a most pleasant, sprightly, and witty manner, (even on occasion teazing me delicately), I somehow managed to respond in kind. We smiled and began to laugh. And so the two of us, in the presence of your handsome family, engaged in a most delightful intercourse. But so smitten was I that I was often adrift in the sea of her wit, and to some of her sallies I could scarcely ejaculate an appropriate reply. I pine to see Miss Elizabeth again, and am determined to know if what is in her heart matches what is in mine. If it does, there may yet be a certain impediment to our union. As this is of a most delicate nature, I shall discuss it with her alone. But I assure you as a gentleman that my intentions are honourable, and favourable to your family. You may share the contents of this letter with Miss Elizabeth, so that she might prepare her heart for my visit. But if I have misjudged her, and she desires not that I come, please advise me plainly, and I will remain here in deep sorrow. Otherwise, please give to my servant bearing this missive the earliest date convenient. I await your reply with great expectations. Your obedient, etc. Mr. James Gosford, Esq. The reply to his letter being wholly favourable, Mr. Gosford instructed the cook to prepare him a pic-nic luncheon for his journey. His friend the Earl had invented a cunning means of placing meat between two slices of bread. James commanded that several of these be made, and packed beside them two goatskins of the very best sack. He mounted Dreadnaught early in the morning. They took the main road on a southwesterly course through Knobrot, Sheepshag, and all the other estates which annoyingly interposed themselves between Sodall and Dallylong. By late afternoon he believed he must be near his goal, but as one forest looks like another, he could not be certain. Dreadnaught was tired, and snorted at the smell of water. James therefore led him off the main road and down a small path which led through a tiny meadow to a brook. They both drank deeply and returned to the meadow. Dreadnaught began to graze. James unpacked and laid out all his victuals upon a cloth. But before he began to eat, he took a quick look about him. Finding himself quite alone, he unbuttoned his breeches, drew out his pego, stood astride the small path, and began to water the earth. But scarcely had he begun this necessary task, when to his utter amazement there suddenly appeared in front of him, exiting the woods on the very path he stood astride, none other than Miss Elizabeth Carleton! "Good day, Mr. Gosford", she cried. "I have come from..." but then, perceiving his delicate state, she could not continue, but instead burst into merry laughter. Mr. Gosford did not immediately reply, for Miss Carleton, being distracted, was advancing upon him relentlessly, and it seemed certain they must collide. Immediately he jerked to his left, so that for a tiny moment a lovely golden arc hung in the air, illuminated by a single dappled ray. Its evanescent beauty dissolved in an instant as it spattered upon the thirsty earth. Miss Carleton, too, turned abruptly to her left, and so by this elegant pas de deux, so reminiscent of their gavotte at the Bumfodder's ball, she was in no wise besmirched. "Good day, Miss Carleton. It seems that upon our every meeting I am somehow reduced to mortification." he said dryly. This comment instantly cut her to the quick. They indeed had a long history of mutual mortification. Their respective pride and prejudice had caused each of them to grievously misjudge the other at their first meeting, and for many months thereafter. When the truth came out, it was so at odds with their previous misconceptions that they both were entirely mortified. She quickly uttered the first thing that came to mind in a desperate attempt to atone for her immodest merriment. "My dear Mr. Gosford, please excuse if you can my rude behavior, which unexpectedly issued out of thoughtless surprise. What you are doing is what we must all do, and therefore there is no shame in it. Nor am I distressed, for I am not completely innocent of the sight of the male organ of generation." But hardly had she spoken, than she clapt her hands over her mouth, as if to silence herself. But her words echoed accusingly in the air. "My dear Miss Carleton, I believe you have read the letter I sent to your father, and know I come to Dallylong as a serious suitor. I would not think ill of you, but I must request a further explication of your last statement." "Very well, Mr. Gosford, I will gladly do so, and you will realize that there is no impropriety whatsoever in it. Late last summer all my family were invited to Crimcon estate for some festivity, I disremember what. Perhaps it was a bear-baiting or a fox-hanging or other similar harmless country amusement. But as I was slightly indisposed, I remained behind. "While taking a constitutional about the grounds, I heard an angry cry from the stable. Fearing an injury to a servant and wishing to give succor, I called out at the entrance. The stablemaster quickly appeared, and suggested that I return to the manor. I told him plainly that he was impertinent, that all parts of the demesne are open to any family member. I charged him to tell me what lay inside. Still he hesitated, stating that the matter in question was not a fitting one for the eyes of a young lady. I spoke most severely to him. He then relented and said that he had caught the stableboy locked in the carnal embrace of a lamb. I immediately ordered that the miscreant be brought before me at the manor house. That being done, I dismissed the stablemaster. "The boy, a comely lad of about 15, stood before me with downcast eyes, blushing so prettily that there was scarcely any doubt in my mind as to his guilt. As he was quite unable to utter a word in response to my enquiries, I ran my hands about his chest, expecting that some small bit of wool might have clung to his clothes, providing clear evidence of his depravity. But I found nothing. "Then it occurred to me that it was most likely that the lad had not, in fact, been wearing clothes at the time of his alleged indiscretion. I therefore directed him in a most stern manner to undress. Of course he demurred, pleading with me most piteously that I should spare him this indignity before a woman scarcely four years his senior. I remained adamant, and told him that if he refused my request, I should give him the sack. Now trembling in terror, he made haste to comply, and in short order stood abashed before me in a total state of nature. "I knew that the circumstances of the case compelled me to put aside my maidenly modesty and look unflinchingly upon those parts which might have been in close contact with the unfortunate lamb. Casting my eyes upon the newly fledged curls which adorned the base of his manly parts, I noticed an odd grey fragment. Plucking delicately at it with my fingers, I drew it away and held it up to the light. I recoiled in horror when I ascertained it to be a telltale bit of wool. I believed this to be indisputable evidence, yet sought to perform one more test before convicting in certitude. "I therefore placed my hands about his belly, which was unaccountably so slippery that my hands in error slid briefly lower, which caused him to cry out in innocent surprise. Then, bringing my hands to my face, I smelled a peculiar odour. Can you guess, Mr. Gosford, what it was?" "Was it oil of wool, Miss Carleton?" "Indeed it was. Therefore, finding him guilty, I bade him dress, and took him to the stablemaster, charging him to punish the boy as he saw fit. Yet I asked him not to be too harsh, for though the boy's sin was clearly an abomination, it was an abomination commonly seen in our country youth. The boy is still in our service, yet whenever he sees me, he blushes and averts his eyes. "Now, my dear Mr. Gosford, I have told my tale and you have long since completed your business. Would it not be best to put that part away where it belongs, beneath the buttons of your breeches?" "Unfortunately, Miss Carleton, I cannot." "And why not, Mr. Gosford?" "Because during your discourse I entered into such a state that no longer can the part in question fit within the small compass my breeches provide." "And how long might we expect to see you in this regrettable condition?" "If it were possible by exercise of my genius to remedy this grievous fault, it had long since been done, for I would not willingly give offense. But unfortunately, I cannot control my natural humor. Therefore it may take some time, nor of course can we appear at Dallylong while I am in this state." "Are you quite sure there is no hope, that by some subtle manipulation space may yet be found? It is said that I am quite clever with my hands." "You are most welcome to try." Miss Elizabeth was indeed quite skilled in many jobs of the hand. All sorts of needlework and the playing of musical instruments came easily to her. But of course this was new. And though she tried mightily to place the whole into the small space provided, turning it first this way and then that, it proved at last to be quite impossible. And in fact, by the time she accepted defeat, she found to her amazement that the task had become even more difficult than when she started! James then suggested that they proceed with the pic- nic, saying that if they discoursed about any topic other than that which had lately concerned them, his trouble would in time repair itself. And so they seated themselves upon the cloth and began to eat, and drink the excellent wine within the goatskin bags. They talked about where to find the best coopers and farriers, of the illnesses of horses, of the pleasure of riding to hounds, of the balls they had attended together, and of many other things. Miss Carleton was, on the whole, quite careful to keep her eyes fixed upon Mr. Gosford's handsome face, with only an occasional regrettable lapse. Yet when he at last found it possible to return to its nest that which had strayed, she felt a small pang of regret, nor did she fail to notice that James did not remember to do up his buttons. The wine had brought a most welcome flush to Miss Elizabeth's cheeks, as well as a petite and ladylike hiccup to her lips. It also emboldened her to enter as a topic of conversation a certain matter referred to in Mr. Gosford's letter. "My dear, dear Mr. Gosford. You mentioned in your missive 'an impediment to our union of a most delicate nature' which you could only discuss with me. If there is some flaw in me which impedes our union, I beg you to speak of it quite truly and plainly, and if it is within my power to correct, it shall be done. And though I believe you to be the most handsome and honourable man that ever lived, if you perceive some fault in yourself, speak of it freely, and we will dispose of it. Nor should you be concerned that you might shock. Should your discourse, of necessity, touch upon country matters, I give you leave." "Very well. Quite simply, Miss Elizabeth, I do not know if we are a good fit." "Well said, well said, Mr. Gosford. There is no doubt that we have had many a misunderstanding. We have imagined in each other faults when there were none, and ignored the good. But are not those days behind us? Are we not filled with a most miraculous comprehension? Shall I not be bold and say we love each other?" "Miss Elizabeth, if I do not love you, no man has ever loved. But you mistake my meaning. You have given me leave to talk of country matters. I shall speak of children, and then of the wedding night. "Children are the blessing of a kind Providence, and to one day pass Sodall on to them is my heartfelt desire. Yet we all know of marriages from which there flows no issue. I cannot speak of fault; no man knows why this is so. No man, finding himself without breed, will talk of his shame. But in his cups, he may hint. And from these hints, I have come to the distressing conclusion that there are some marriages in which, by reason of anatomy alone, connubial bliss has never been realized. "Let us imagine I have before me a pistol. The powder having been inserted, it is time for the wad. I place the wad at the base of the bore with a ramrod, a tool cunningly designed so that it fits within the barrel of the pistol, not loosely, but close fitting. The ramrod must slide up and down within the barrel freely, yet must fit tightly enough so it does not rattle. And so it is between a man and a woman. I have sworn to myself that I will marry no woman 'til I know that we do fit. Do you understand?" "My dear Mr. Gosford, you quite take my breath away." James was concerned that Miss Elizabeth might swoon, but she did not, and in a short time she was able to continue. "I had not considered this matter in the least until this very day, when I held within my hands that awesome prodigy which burst unbidden from your loins. Then I did wonder, as I sought to return it to its rightful place, what discomfort, along with what pleasure, I should feel upon my wedding night. But I soon disabused myself of all anxiety, for I understood in an instant that my womanly passage, though it at one time may be only as wide as the quill of a pen, yet at another may accommodate the head of a baby. So that its compass is not forever a fixed state, but varies greatly by necessity of task. "And therefore I must state plainly that your exemplum of the bore of a pistol is an unhappy one, for a bore is ever unchanging. I offer my metaphor in its place. Look you at this goatskin bag, now empty. As it lies here flat, the sides of its neck lie against one another, leaving no space, yet we know that the wineskin may be easily filled from a keg. "Let us assume that the keg has a wooden spout, which I believe is commonly called a 'woodie'. The woodie may be forced into the neck of the wineskin, which stretches about it tightly. Where the lips of the bag once lay loose, skin against skin, now they clasp about the woodie. As it pushes forward, the skin slides down on it and grows ever more tight, bulging out with the force of the thrust. The skin has obediently opened wide, and the vessel is readied for filling. And this, I imagine, for of course I have no experience in this matter, is how it must be between husband and wife." Mr. Gosford was most intrigued by the strength of this metaphor. It was fortunate that he had neglected to do up his buttons, for once again he found that the small space within his breeches was quite inadequate. He was about to beg Miss Elizabeth's pardon, for his parlous state had not gone unnoticed, when she unexpectedly continued her narration. "Again under license to speak freely, I wish to illuminate something more of the secret nature of woman. It has always seemed to me an odd contrivance of society which says that a man must always be pursuing, and a maiden fleeing. It is presumed that he is ardent, she unwilling. This may be true at the onset of a courtship. But let that maiden fall in love, and all is topsy-turvy. Then she shall desire him as he does her. Is this not good? That they shall come together at last in the marital embrace, each as eager as the other? "Do not condemn me, I beg of you, for being immodest, for I must speak truly. I love you with all my heart. And it is from that love that I pray that you listen with care even if I speak indecorously. I shall shortly give you one more reason to put aside all fears you may entertain about our wedding night. "A woman in love, as I am with you, shall, as I have said, feel desire quite equal to that of her swain. In his kind and gentle hands, she shall then, perforce, produce about her nether regions a copious balm, its purpose being to smooth her intimate passage. I cannot yet this day be so bold as to say what I would wish you to do to me, and I to you, were we married this day, and this pic-nic cloth were our wedding bed. But my imagination, being fierce, has sufficed to engender this lotion. I can thus offer you silent proof of my love, if you will but give me your hand." With this, Miss Elizabeth grasped his right hand, and to his utter astonishment, (and extreme gratification), slid it underneath her frock. Nor did she tarry there, but cleverly threaded his hand in a circuitous route over and under sundry articles of intimate clothing until it came to rest directly upon the mossy mount of her womanhood. She withdrew her hand. Mr. Gosford was all awhirl. Beneath her equator, he knew, lay much terra incognita. Should he not be like stout Cortez, and explore? His deep respect for her honour argued that he should remove his hand. Yet, he considered, as she had placed it there, would it not be rude to exit so soon? Therefore, he began to move it ever so gently about. Directly she showed by certain joyously exuberant motions and small satisfied cries that his attentions were not unwelcome. And as his hand naturally descended in a southerly direction, he soon came to appreciate the copious nature of her nethermost balm. Miss Carleton, being now of two minds, was now mixing the modest with the immodest in her demeanor. Her bold action in seizing his hand was designed to show nothing more to Mr. Gosford than that he should have no fears about the wedding night. If that were solely her intention, a decent respect for her virtue would have commanded his withdrawal. But now her natural humor was in the ascendency, and he could hardly be faulted if he ascertained by certain signs that she wished him to continue his amatory investigations. Thinking now about his reveries in days past, he gently drew up her frock and petticoats, expecting at any moment to hear a sharp reproach. But to his surprise, Miss Elizabeth not only made no outcry, but assisted him fully, until her privy parts lay quite bare before his astonished eyes. Mr. Gosford had wondered so long and with such futility as to what might lay between a lady's legs that he could scarcely believe his good fortune. He bent forward in close observance as he continued his exploration with both hands, but it was difficult for a man of his inexperience to quite understand what the purpose was of each of the secret parts he unveiled. Fortunately, Miss Carleton offered guidance, by moving about with greater or lesser ferocity as his hands meandered to and fro, so that he came to understand by example which parts engendered the greatest pleasure. However, the general trend of her vigor was ever upward. Her state became so perilous that Mr. Gosford could at last comprehend nothing at all, and removed his hands against such time as Miss Carleton could be satisfied with a more Platonic examination. "Oh, oh, Mr. Gosford, I thought you meant to ruin me!" she cried. " Miss Elizabeth, I would not be truthful should I not say that I entertain that desire. Yet I shall struggle to overcome it, out of love for you." "I had thought you would compromise my virtue!" "Nay, I shall not." "I had thought you would sully my name, and that of my family!" "Perhaps it will not be so." "And ravish me!" "If that is your wish." "Oh, Mr. Gosford, it is!" James struggled to remove his riding boots and breeches, and brought his hands to the buttons of his shirt. This gave Miss Elizabeth time to reflect upon her decision. That her choice was unflinching was made evident when she drew off her frock along with all the numerous other items of her attire. They stood then in an utter state of nature, looking at each other in sudden wonder. They embraced and lowered themselves to the pic-nic cloth. Any slight maidenly discomfort soon gave way to the most exquisite amatory pleasure. And they both sang the same tune so perfectly that the very height of his passion was the height of hers, as if they had practiced this bliss a thousand times. When they had recovered in some measure and lay together in a transport of intimate delight, Miss Elizabeth looked down and with some amusement remarked upon a certain diminuition. Mr. Gosford responded by assuring her that such a lessening was entirely temporary. She asked him if there was aught she could do to hasten his renascence. And so they continued in pleasant badinage for awhile until they fell silent in each other's arms. They embraced not in passion, for that was spent, but in a tender and loving manner, each feeling the heartbeat of the other. And it seemed to each that they had lived all their lives as halves, and only now were they complete. And neither one felt shame, but rather that the hand of God was upon them. It was with great reluctance that they finally rose, dressed, and packed up what lay upon the ground. Mr. Gosford mounted Dreadnaught, and grasped Miss Carleton's hand. She climbed on behind him, and reached around his waist. She clutched what she believed was the pommel of his saddle. They rode off in the direction of the manor house. "Mr. Gosford?" "Yes?" "When we are married, how often do you imagine we shall do this?" "I should think every day, if you are so disposed. And if I have been away, twice upon that first day." "Most agreeable. And since, as one might say, you have been away..." "Yes?" "I shall come to you this night, when all the family are asleep." "And I shall speak to Mr. Carleton directly upon our arrival, and insist upon an early date. And we shall forevermore regard our wedding night as being but in a small way premature, and nothing more." She squeezed the pommel familiarly. And on they rode. END * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * It's okay to *READ* stories about unprotected sex with others outside a monogamous relationship. But it isn't okay to *HAVE* unprotected sex with people other than a trusted partner. You only have one body per lifetime, so take good care of it! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Kristen's collection - Directory 46