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Archive name: guilt.txt (m, solo, true)
Authors name: The Sensualist (tdpz1974@yahoo.com)
Story title : Guilt

--------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2001 by The Sensualist. This piece may be 
reproduced freely for any non-commercial purpose, as 
long as acknowledgement is made and a copy sent to the 
author. This story is for adults only. Do not read if 
you are under the age of majority in your area.
--------------------------------------------------------

Guilt (m, solo, TRUE)
By The Sensualist (tdpz1974@yahoo.com)

***

Comments welcome at tdpz1974@yahoo.com.
Visit my ASSTR site: /~sensualist

--

I am thirteen years old, walking home from school. 

Near the school there is a corner store. Inside the 
store is a news stand. And on that stand, I know, lie 
the pages of American Swimwear, and other magazines of 
its ilk. 

Images flash through my mind, nubile women dressed in 
bikinis. My heart starts to pound. No, I think to 
myself, I must resist. 

I start to pray. My God, please rescue me from the path 
of evil, the prayer echoes in my head. But the images, 
the memories of times I have succumbed before, haunt me. 
I hunger to see the pictures of girls, hunger for the 
alluring midriffs, the bright flowing hair, the curvy 
sensuous legs, the bulging breasts. 
I think of the Book of Proverbs, and its cautionary 
words, 

	"Keep thee from the evil woman,

	From the flattery of the tongue of a strange
        woman. Lust not after her beauty in thine heart,
        Neither let her take thee with her eyelids.

	For by means of a whorish woman

	A man is brought to a crust of bread..." 

War is on, war between my sexuality and my spirituality. 
On the one hand are the stern words of the sacred texts. 
On the other lie the clarion call of my hormones and the 
tantalizing beauty of the swimwear models. I think of 
them and I feel the stirrings of an erection in my 
loins. Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after hath 
committed adultery with her already in his heart. 

Temptation, they call it. "Lead us not into temptation, 
but deliver us from evil." But evil lies within me, 
inside my body, dying for its hunger. It wants to lust 
for the girls, wants to feel the passion of raw animal 
physical desire, wants to leer at their bodies and stare 
hungrily at them. 

Sometimes I resist. Other times I succumb. And I go into 
the corner store, excited, and open the magazine 
delightedly. The erection rises like a storm. I stand 
there in triumphant adolescence, tension boiling in my 
loins, penis hard as iron, sensations swirling. Pleasure 
courses through me as I leaf hungrily through the 
magazine, absorbing page after page of female skin. I 
feel the familiar wetness of pre-cum soaking into my 
underwear. 

Soon I can endure it no more. I rush home quickly, the 
pictures and memories reeling in my mind. I dive into 
bed and let my imagination run wild. I think of girls' 
skin, girls' bodies, girls teasing me, pleasing me, 
fondling me. The visions become a swirl as I lie on my 
back, my entire brain suffused by its hungry hormones.

Finally I can endure no more; I roll over and masturbate 
onto the bed. Ejaculation comes within seconds. During 
that moment of orgasm all the vision, all the splendor, 
rushes through me. For five seconds I am in paradise, 
nirvana, joy, heaven, all the pleasure that can exist on 
this world. 

And then it is over. 

I lie on the bed with a pool of semen beneath me and a 
pool of guilt inside me. "Her house is the way to hell, 
going down to the chambers of death." The stern words 
echo in my mind. I start to curse myself for my 
weakness, my selfishness, my lustfulness, my cruel 
sexual sins. I begin to pray again, praying for God's 
forgiveness, praying that never again will I commit this 
abomination. I ask Jesus to guard the door to my heart, 
lead me to righteousness and make me whole. 

But in the back of my mind, there is a thought, burning, 
that despite God, despite will, sometime, somewhen, I 
will do this all again. 

"He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the 
slaughter..."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Please keep this story, and all erotic stories out of
the hands of children. They should be outside playing
in the sunshine, not thinking about adult situations.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Kristen's collection - Directory 18