The noise from party seemed to follow me down the hall, haunting me as I tried for an escape. The thumping bass from the music made my head throb, and I was tired of trying to be polite to all the drunks. Ducking into the library, I closed the door, leaning against it with a sigh of relief. I wouldn't be bothered in here.
Sandy had made a beautiful bride, as I knew she would. How I envied her, my lovely friend, small and petite, with shining blond hair and brilliant blue eyes that drew the men like flies. I wondered if she knew how difficult it was to be her friend. After all, my boyfriends always had crushes on her, hanging around me to be near her. Oh, I knew I wasn't exactly ugly. My hair was a shade too dark to be auburn, and my nose tipped up a bit on the end. My eyes were neither brown nor green, just an average hazel. No one would ever call me slender; though more than one man had commented on how much he liked a woman with my type of curves. I may not have been ugly, but neither was I a great beauty.
I was happy her wedding had been so beautiful, but had I not agreed long ago to be her maid of honor, I would not have come today. The crowds made me nervous, and I felt like all the men were watching me in the sexy bridesmaid dress I wore. Sandy didn't understand my reticence to be here, no doubt thinking I should have recovered by now, that I should be "over" the viscous date rape I'd experienced last month.
The quiet of the library was just what the doctor ordered. Here I could be alone with my thoughts, and not worry about being afraid. A nice fire already burned in the fire place. I would find a book and curl up on the couch and read.
But none of the books appealed to me. As it had so often the past month, my mind turned back to the rape, and everything that had led up to it. Both Sandy and her big brother, Bruce, had warned me about Steve, yet I had known better, insisting on dating him because I thought he loved me. And when Steve had asked for more than I was prepared to deliver, he'd taken it, brutally, leaving me crying on the floor of my house.
Bruce had come immediately when I'd finally called for help, and he had stayed beside me, holding me, throughout the whole trip to the hospital. He'd even helped me get through the police interview, and whisked me back here, to his family home, to let me heal in peace. And when I'd had to go to court and face Steve for the first time since the rape, Bruce and Sandy had both been there, lending me the support I needed to get through it.
I yawned suddenly, surprising myself. "Hello?" A deep voice called from the arm chair by the fire. I must have jumped ten feet into the air. My first impulse was to run, head upstairs to the room where I'd been staying since the rape. But I recognized the voice, and I stood my ground. "It's just me, Bruce." I said, hearing a little quiver left in my voice. "The party was too much, and I ducked in here to hide."
"Believe me, I understand. I confess that I am hiding, too." He stood up, his large shadow spilling across me. "But I'm glad to see you, Beth. I was hoping for a good chess partner."
I smiled, following him to the small chess table in the corner. I welcomed the nightly chess games with Bruce, enjoying our many conversations. He also came close to defeating me on more that one occasion, something to which I was not accustomed. We set up the game without talking, and I chose white, and had to lead out.
Watching him across the chess board, I wondered again for the hundredth time how such a wonderful man could still be single. I longed to ask Sandy if her brother were gay, yet I had never been able to bring myself to ask. In the eight years I'd known him, I could never recall him dating anyone. Not that he was exactly handsome. In fact, he reminded me of a big, hairy, teddy bear. 6'4", abut 260 lbs, he was kind, considerate, and a true gentleman.
"How come you aren't married?" I blurted out, then slapped a hand over my mouth, mortified. "I'm sorry. I don't know... uh, I mean, I don't why I said that." I felt a hard blush crawl across my skin. "Uh, excuse me while I go sit in the corner and die."
To my great relief, Bruce just laughed, making his next move on the chess board. "You know, you're sorta cute when you blush." He said, settling back in his chair. "Actually, that's a question my mother frequently asks me. Do you know what I tell her?" I shook my head in response. "I tell her it's because the woman I'm in love with doesn't think about like that."
He smiled, a brilliant smile that transformed his face into something, well, beautiful. I swallowed hard, realizing immediately to whom he referred. Suddenly I felt no longer at ease with him, no longer safe with "my adopted big brother." Don't be silly, I told myself. Bruce had never been less than a gentleman with me. Even when he'd come to my house the night of the rape, he'd seen me naked, and covered me with his own coat, then held me until the ambulance had arrived. "Uh, Bruce.... I don't think I know what to say."
"That's a first." He replied, his eyes twinkling.
"Why... why haven't you ever said anything?" I stammered.
"And when should I have said something, eh little Beth? Between which of the men you dated? When did I have a chance of attracting your eye?" He countered my last move, putting me into check. "I had thought that you might figure it out, living here in the house, right here with me every day. I wouldn't have said anything tonight, except you asked me out right." He grinned. "You are in check, you know."
I knew. But not only on the chess board. Bruce was looking at me in a way I'd never seen, his eyes burning. "Maybe I should head back to the party." I whispered, lowering my king in defeat. I stood, feeling myself shaking. I couldn't deal with this right now. "Sandy might be missing me."
"Beth, wait." He was right behind me, his hands on my shoulders. "I've already started this, so I may as well finish it. I've loved you for many years, but I've always known you thought of me as your big brother. When that animal raped you, I wanted to kill him, and had you not been so injured, I would have tracked him down. Do you remember what you told me while we waited for the ambulance?"
I shook my head, feeling the tears wet on my cheeks. All I could remember was the pain, and the shame of the whole affair. And his arms about me, protecting me. "You told me you'd been a virgin, and you'd been saving yourself for the right man. Oh, Beth, I wanted to be that man. Your first time should have been with someone you loved, who loved you." He groaned, his grip on my shoulders tightening ever so slightly. "Now I've ruined it. You're afraid of me, I can tell. Beth, I would never hurt you."
I nodded. That much I knew. I didn't realize I'd told him that. Only Sandy knew, outside of the occasional boyfriend who'd asked me to sleep with him and been turned down. Did he realize I had been waiting for some faceless, nameless lover who would sweep me off my feet? For a man who would love me and treat me as though I were a fragile flower, something to be cherished? That I wanted the fairy tale, and now it was gone?
"What happened to you, Beth, that wasn't what sex, what lovemaking is supposed to be. You don't have to be afraid of it." He paused, drawing a deep breath. "Beth, I would give anything to change time, to go back to the days before the rape, and tell you how I felt. To ask for the chance to love you. But I can't. So I only have here and now. So even though you can never have another first time, you can have a second chance to do things right. Beth, I... Let me show you what making love can be. Should be. Only one night, and then, if you like, I'll never bother you again." He placed a burning kiss on the nape of my neck, his breath warm and moist in my hair. "Once you know how wonderful making love can be, you needn't be afraid anymore."
I wanted to jerk away, run from this man I thought I'd known. But deep inside, I knew he was right. Much of my fear was irrational. Should I not take this chance, I might die a bitter old maid. Bruce loved me. He would never hurt me. I took a deep breath. "Yes."
"What?"
"Yes." I turned, expecting him to pull me close. Instead, he held me at arms length, staring deep into my eyes. "Yes?" He repeated. "Yes you want me to make love to you?"
I nodded. With a moan, he pulled me against him, kissing my breath away. I had been kissed before, but never like this. Closing my eyes, I surrendered myself into his care.
Several times I had been in his room, yet I'd never realized how big his bed was. At least it seemed big today, now that it was the reason we were there. The noise from the party drifted upstairs, a strangely reassuring background noise. "Are you sure?" He asked, seating me on the edge of his bed. Concern filled his eyes, and that, more than anything else, helped me to relax. But only a little. I nodded.
Without my asking, he turned off the lights, and we were alone in the moonlight. I thought my heart would pound out of my chest, or that I would pass out. He sat beside me, pulling me into a gentle embrace. Then, suddenly, we were laying on the bed, and he was kissing me, his hands on my face, tangling into my hair.
"If, at any time, you want me to stop, you just say so." He whispered. He moved so we lay on our sides, spooning, his arms around me. His hands stroked my face, my neck, my shoulders, slow and sweet. "I've always dreamed of holding you like this. You feel much better than my dreams, though."
I laughed, drawing a deep breath as his hand moved to cup my breast through my dress. I could feel the nipple harden against his palm, and as he gently squeezed my breast, it grew harder. His lips left trails of wet kisses down the side of my face, and I thought I could feel his hard on pressing against me. I realized I was beginning to relax, to calm down, but at the same time I was feeling excited by his touch. I heard a soft moaning, then realized it was me. "You're blushing." He whispered.
"How can you tell?" I asked, knowing I was. He pressed his lips against my cheek again. "I can feel it." He answered.
As I could feel his hand slowly moving the hem of my dress higher. The tension returned full force, and I know he noticed. But he ignored it, his gentle caress continuing across my body. Still, his fingers wandered no farther my thighs, never intruding between them. I could feel myself relaxing once again. "How about a nice back massage?" He asked.
Almost immediately, I was laying on my stomach, head resting on my arms, while he began to massage my shoulders. Down my spine, catching that annoying little spot under the shoulder blades. Down the sides, careful not to tickle, then across my lower back. Then, as though it were the most natural thing between two friends, he began to massage my ass, my thighs.
"Do you remember the first time we met?" He asked. The zipper on my dress began creeping down, small kisses landing on the flesh that was slowly being exposed. "You came home with Sandy for Spring Break. The two of you stayed out by the pool all day, and you were so sunburned. Sandy swiped a couple of my tee shirts for you both, and you wore that and a pair of shorts the rest of the week. No bra. Oh, it was torture, watching you walk around the house like that. Did you even realize I was watching you?"
I smiled at the memory. No, I hadn't noticed. I was too awed by the house, the surroundings, by the wealth my friend so casually took for granted. "I thought you hated me." I confessed. the dress was sliding off my shoulders, his lips leaving a trail across them. "I just figured that I was the annoying friend of your kid sister...."
He laughed. "Oh, your presence was annoying, but not in the way you meant. I couldn't concentrate with you around." He helped me into a sitting position, the dress falling off. I heard him draw a deep breath as he stared down at my lacy bra, his eyes tracing the contours of my breasts. "Oh Beth.... You know, last month, when I saw the bruises and the.... bite marks on your breasts, I wanted to cry. For so long I'd thought of this...." He leaned over, pressing his face into the valley between my breasts. I thought I felt tears.
At that moment, I realized I loved him. I had loved him, it seemed, for so very long, but I'd never realized it. Raising my arms, I held his head against me, feeling his arms snake around my waist. "Bruce. I..." My throat seized up, and I couldn't seem to say anything.
"Shhh." He brought my lips down to his, a deep kiss. My bra disappeared, and the dress slid the rest of the way from my body. His tongue traced a path down my neck, across my chest, circling each nipple with deliberate slowness. I flushed with embarrassment again as my body responded, my nipples practically jumping into his mouth.
Oh, how I liked his touch, my skin flushing with heat where he touched me. I laughed as he nibbled on my toes, licking my instep, sucking on each ankle. The sheer nylons I wore were slowly removed, his tongue again tracing their path. I didn't need to hear his gasp of surprise to know my panties were wet with my own love juices. "Oh, sweet little Beth.... I've dreamed of tasting you. Did you know that?" His head dipped down, his tongue slipping between my pussy lips. Now it was my turn to gasp. "Better than I could ever have imagined." He pronounced.
I blushed again, giggling nervously. My nameless, faceless lover was finally here, and it was far better than I could have imagined. His fingers held my pussy lips open, his tongue sliding up and down in long strokes. Electricity flowed from his touch, and I jerked, my hips thrusting up of their own accord. "Easy, baby. Easy." He said, chuckling deep in his throat. His lips closed around my clitoris, and he sucked on it, sending me into ecstasy.
"Well, I take it that you liked that." He joked, then did it again, just to make me squeal once again. One finger slid inside of me, then two, slowly moving in and out, creating a delightful friction. I was squirming now, pushing up against his fingers, trying to scratch a very dreadful itch deep inside. "Oh... Bruce!" I tried again to tell him I loved him, but my body exploded in wave after wave of pleasure.
"I love you, Beth. Oh yes..." I could hear him speaking, hear his sweet reassurances, feel his touch. "I love you Bruce!" I gasped.
Then, suddenly, his body was covering mine, and for the briefest instant I felt fear. Then his hardness was deep inside me, stroking that itch. His lips pressed against mine, the taste of my own sex still on his breath. Though he didn't banish the memory of the rape, he sent it to a dim recess of my mind, along with the pain and fear I'd felt the past month. By instinct, I lifted my legs, locking them around him, enjoying all the sensations that he ignited in my body.
My face was wet with his kisses, his moans echoing with mine in the dark room. Our bodies worked well together, and I felt him stiffen just as my second orgasm hit. Our bodies spent, exhausted, and we drifted of to sleep.
I awoke to a patch of warm sunlight on my face, secure in Bruce's arms. Surely this was a dream. "Mmmm... Good Morning." He muttered sleepily.
"Hi." I felt suddenly shy, almost embarrassed. He tightened his grip, holding me in a big bear hug. "And how are you this morning? I hope you don't hate me this morning."
"Hate you?"
He kissed my shoulder, nuzzling the side of my neck. "I did promise to leave you alone after last night, if you wanted."
I turned so I could hug him back. "But what if I don't want you to leave me alone?" I asked innocently.
Pure delight filled his eyes, and we spent a great deal of time gently exploring each other. "What will Sandy say?" I asked suddenly, after we were both spent and relaxing.
"She'll probably wonder what took me so long." He laughed at my perplexed look. "She's known that I loved you for a long time. In fact, she'd threatened to tell you for several years."
I opened and closed my mouth several times, no words coming out. "I guess I've been blind." I said finally. "And stupid."
"No. Not stupid." He kissed my forehead, sitting up. "I guess I just don't look like a prince charming."
I smiled, pulling the covers up to my chin. "Yes you do." I answered.