There was a fellow who had never been to bed with a woman, so two of his
friends decided to play a trick on him. They bought an inflatable love doll
and put it into his bed. Then called him at work and told him the0gÖɱz™j¤øhis dreams was home in bed and ready for anything.
The next day his friends asked him how things had gone. "Very strange,"
he replied. "I slipped out of my clothes and got in beside her. She was
cold, so I tried to warm her up. Then I bit her on the neck, but she just
farted a few times and flew out the window!"
>*< >*< >*< >*< >*< >*<
An Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in an old Western
town when he noticed a curious lack of women.
Walking into the local saloon he asked a cocky shitkicker, "What do you
fellas do around here for entertainment?"
"Ya mean women?" asked the shitkicker. "We ain't got none. 'Round here
folks fuck sheep."
"That's disgusting," cried the correspondent, "I've never heard of such
moral degredation."
However, after a few months, the correspondent's rocks were beginning to
ache and the sheep were looking more and more attractive.
So he finally went out and found himself a come쾪.ZYY¸, brought her back
to his room, shampooed her and then tied ribbons in her hair. After a bottle
of champagne, he lured the sheep into his bedchamber and released his pent-
up frustrations.
Afterward, he escorted his four-legged lover to the saloon for a drink.
As the correspondent and his wooly mate entered, a hush fell over the
ÿûpatrons and the anxious couple became the object of many stares.
"You goddamn bunch of hypocrites!" the reporter yelled. "You've been
fucking sheep for years, but when I do it up right you look at me like I'm
some sort of crazy pervert!"
One cowbÞuJ¹¢¡•…z™¢¡•É½Ý‘šÁ½•ªÁ±ÊU+-Kbut that's the
ÿûsheriff's gal!"
^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^
A grungy old lumberjack, in town for the first time in weeks, went to the
local brothel and demanded the roughest, toughest and meanest girl in the
house. "That'll be Mary," said the madam. "Go to Room Four, and I'll send
her up."
"Fine,"said the lumberjack,"and tell her to bring a couple of beers."
In due time, Mary appeared. She put the two bottles of beer on the floor,
took off her negligee, positioned herself on her hands and knees and pointed
to her pussy.
"No! No!" exclaimed the lumberjack. "In the bed, the old-fashioned way!"¤I¬ÿ "Sure,pal," grunted Mary, "but I thought ya might want to open them beers
first."
**+** **+** **+** **+**
Large cats can be dangerous, but a little pussy never hurt anyone.
\_|_/ \_|_/ \_|_/
Two complete strangers were golfing on an exclusive golf course. Not another
soul was in sight. Finally one guy asked the other guy what he did for a
living. The second guy told him he owned and managed the beautiful condo
complex they were coming up on alongside the fairway. He and his beautiful
young wife lived in the penthouse on the top floor.
He then asked the first guy was he did for a living. The first stranger
replied that he was a paid assassin. Seeing the disbelief on the second
man's face he proceeds to start pulling sections of pipe out of his golfbag
and begins assembling a high-powered rifle. Finally getting the stock of the
rifle assembled he hands the rifle to the stranger who is really admiring
it. The assassin says wait a minute and pulls out a high-powered scope and
attaches that to the rifle.
The second stranger looks through the scope and is amazed at how close his
condo looks. He tells the assassin how close it looks and starts moving the
rifle up the side of the condo. He exclaims, "I can see my penthouse; I can
see inside my penthouse; I can see my beautiful wife; she's naked!; she's
with another man!!!!!"
And boy, was that condo owner pissed! He hands the rifle back to the
assassin and demands to know how much he charged per bullet. The assassin
replies $2,000 per bullet. The owner says OK, I want you to take one bullet
and shoot the man's cock off. Then I want you to take another bullet and put
it through my wife's head. The assassin says OK and starts adjusting the
scope so he can get "clean" shots off.
Making the last adjustment, he suddenly turns to the owner and says, "Hey
buddy, if you can wait for a couple of seconds I think I can save you
$2,000!"
#--#--#--#--#--#--#
Hugh Hefner is a virgin.
-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-
One day, John Lennon, John Belushi, and Rock Hudson were gathered together
in heaven in front of God. They were pleading with God to be sent back to
Earth for a visit. God finally relented but gave them a stern warning that
if any of them even thought about their old naughty ways He would wipe that
individual off of the face of the Earth.
The three of them suddenly found themselves walking along a street in New
York. Suddenly John Lennon spots a man in a doorway playing a guitar. John
thought the hell with it and walked oVe» to the man and asks if he can play
the guitar. As the man starts handing the guitar to John Lennon, God
intervenes and POOF, John Lennon is suddenly gone from the face of the
Earth.
This unnerves Belushi and "The Rock" and they start walking again. Suddenly
John Belushi breaks out in a cold sweat Aó!âYspots a clear bag that is
filled with a white powdered subst™Ý'•¹¢…«$]Y¸tation is tooo great for
Belushi and he MUST inspect the contents of that bag.
He walks up to the bag;
he bends over the bag;
suddenly.........POOF!
Rock Hudson is gone from the face of the Earth.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Coito ergo sum
[*][*][*][*][*][*][*]
There was this real macho dude who really took care of his body -- he lifted
weights, jogged five miles day, and like that. Well, one morning he was
lookin' in the mirror and admirin' his physique -- "Bitchin'" he says,
"nice muscles and brown all over -- except, hey, my pecker's pale!" So he
decided to take care of that one little thing -- he went out to the beach
and stripped down, buried himself in the sand, and went to sleep, with just
the family jewels left stickin' out of the sand .
About this time, two little old ladies came strolling down the beach. One of
'em caught sight of the pecker sticking out, elbowed the other, pointed to
it, and said: "God Damn, Maude, there's no justice in this wozìe!"
Maude looked at it, looked at her, and said: "Why do y/u)say thad,D5…‰•±ýj¤ø
"Well", said Mabel,
"When I was 10, I war°afraid of it.
"When I was 20, I was interested in it.
"When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
"When I was 40, I looked for it.
"When I was 50, I paid for it.
"When I was 60, I prayed for it.
"When I was 70, I forgot about it.
"And now that I'm 80, the f*&*^% things are growing WILD!!!"
TH--Th--TH--THAT's ALL!!......