THE ULTIMATE DATE
I met you after work...5pm sharp. We loaded the car in self-conscious
conversation. The drive was long and tedious, but I had your favorite music
on the stereo. Soon the magic of the trip had taken hold, and the
conversation became light. When we reached the beach the sun was just
sinking beneath the waves. We walked and talked beside the sea. No
interference from office politics, just the two of us on the beach. As the
sun sank lower in the west, the ocean turned a deep purple. Rivalled only by
the indigo of twilight sky. Back in our room we celebrated with champagne
and strawberries and retired closer than we began the day. Next morning as
the sun pulled moisture from the sea, we found our special place behind the
dunes. The heat rose invisible waves from the sheer white sand. Quickly we
stowed our gear behind the largest dune and headed for the water at a dead
run. Even at such a pace, our feet were scorched by the burning sands. I
was first into the water but you weren't far behind. As I broke the surface
from my dive, you were gliding to a stop next to me. Laughingly I tackled
you in the surf and we were carried back to shore by the surging waves. We
played in the water until we became tired and then high-stepped back to our
secluded dune. You flopped down onto your towel; I stared momentarily at
your glistening body and collapsed into a heap next to you. You were lying
on your stomach and asked if I would mind rubbing suntan oil on your back.
At first I balked, but how could I refuse such a request. Your skin was cool
to the touch, soft and smooth beneath my hands. Slowly, I traversed the
contours of your body. Disconcerted, I put my mind back only on the task at
hand. Gently, I pulled your long blonde hair away from your ears and bent to
whisper in your exposed ear.
CHAPTER TWO
Thoughts of other things swept through my mind, but being the gentleman
I am, I merely whisper that I am through. I slip away and leave you to your
repose. The sun is still high enough to catch some rays so I do just that.
Lying back in the calm between our dunes, the steady sound of the waves
suffuses me with well being and I drift content in the feelings. How long we
stayed so, I cannot say. But when I roused myself, the sun had sunk low to
the horizon and the breeze was growing chill. You were sleeping so I covered
you with a towel and started the fire. You awoke with it's merry popping and
snapping. As you turned, you graced me with the smile of an angel. Framed
by golden locks, your face is most beautiful in the fire-lit twilight.
Taking the champagne from the cooler, I begin the ceremony of opening. When
the cork pops, you start, then giggle at your own fright. Depositing a
strawberry in each glass, I hand you yours with eyes full of dreamy delight.
You accept with something moving behind your eyes, I know not what. As we
sip our champagne, the stars come out one-by-one. We cry in awe and welcome
as each new attendant to our private party shows itself. I stand and look
out over the night sea, drawn by a Power greater than myself. You come and
lean softly against me and I hold you close. After a time, you say you must
take care of things. When you're gone, I wander to the ocean's edge. The
water is warm and inviting, so I leave my trunks on the beach and dive freely
into it's breakers. When I surface, I see that you have joined me and that
you too have left your inhibitions on the sand.
CHAPTER THREE
I could see the white of your body standing out against the dark water
as you approached. I didn't know quite how to act. Should I be cool?
Should I pretend not to notice? That's out! How could I not notice someone
so lovely? No. I'll just be normal. Normal? What's that?!
Now you stop. Six feet still separates us, but I can feel the
temperature rise around me. "I've never done this before, it feels great!"
That was your exclamation before you went under. It was the old game of
shark & victim---with a new twist added. To my great discomfort, the twist
cast me, who was always the ever-confident shark, as the hapless victim. A
role I had not much experience playing. And most assuredly not in these
extenuating circumstances. Whereas up to now, I had felt safe in your
company, I was beginning to feel out of my depth, as it were. When faced
with such a dilemma, instinct takes over. A good defense is always a good
offense. With this thought in mind, I dove. Now, we all know that salt
stings the eyes. So I was blind, but you too were sight impaired. We were
equally in the dark, so to speak. I waited until I was sure you had
surfaced, then came up myself. I had a plan. You were twenty feet to my
right with your back to me. I splashed. You turned, grinned a wicked grin
and dove once more. Good, You played right into my hands and your intent was
clear. I knew now that the only way to combat your strategy was to embarrass
you before you could embarrass me.
To this end I struck out for shore. Climbing out of the water on my
stomach, I sprinted low to the first dune. Turning, I see you resurface. I
flattened out on the banked sand and put all my military training into
practice. You search in all directions and not seeing me, dive again. Safe,
so far. I cover the distance between dunes in a flash. The air is cold, so
I have to work fast. Grabbing my snorkel and mask, I'm off again to my
covering mound. If only I can gain the water before you catch on. Looking
down, I catch the glare of reflective tape from off my snorkel top. Shoot!
Now what? It's a dead giveaway! Oh, well; can't do anything, now. Just
have to chance it. You come up again just as I begin to go for the waves.
Freeze! My mind screams; my body obeys. You are looking in to shore, now.
Peering hard, right at me. I've blown it; the jig is up. Or is it? No, you
turn away and swim along the beach away from me. Phew! Heart attack city!
I desperately search for a way to get back to the water before I'm really
caught. These thoughts race through my brain like the movements of a caged
animal. When what to my wandering eyes does appear? A large piece of
driftwood, and oh, so very near! Alright, so it wasn't Christmas, but that
driftwood was definitely a gift. My salvation in the form of diversion. It
was ideally suited to the purpose, also. Longish and heavy, if I could get
this thing in the water, I was home free. If I couldn't, I was a plucked
gander, if you know what I mean. It lay not four feet away, on the side of
the dune farthest from you. I had to act fast if I was to win this contest.
With the silence of a hunting cat, step-by-step, I crept closer. Two
feet....one foot....nose to the wind....body to the ground....eyes riveted on
your now appearing form. So little cover. So little time. So many risks;
but it was now or never. I grabbed, heaved, and ducked in an almost
simultaneous instant. The moon was almost directly overhead and to my
advantage. The shadows being behind the dunes, I had cover still. My
delivering driftwood, or my impending excuse for huddling naked behind a sand
dune; hung in the air just above the wave tops turning over and over for what
was to me more than eternity itself. Now, I'm sure that the reader is
saying to themselves, "right." Certainly, they must be asking, "why in the
world would it take a stupid piece of driftwood more than eternity to fly the
fifteen feet between where he is to the water?" Well, my friend, I would
like you to remember that question. Next time you're crouched clothes-less
behind a dune on a North Carolina beach. Trying very hard not to be seen by
a beautiful girl whom you don't know very well, who is trying very hard to
see your ridiculously fishbelly-white body. Ask me that question again!
Splash!
Air rushed back into my lungs, startling me. I hadn't noticed that I
wasn't breathing. A flash of moonlight caught my eye. It was your arm
glistening as it broke water. You were moving toward the ripples you thought
were me. Ha, ha! It worked! As I leapt from my hiding place, I watched you
submerge. I knew you were on a course that to you must surely catch me
unawares. But oh, no, Baby; you're the one to be caught! With all the speed
I can muster, I am once again in the water. I don't bother to surface to
clear my mask. The sound of breaking waves covers the clearing of my
snorkel. One deep breath and I disappear into the murky depths....
CHAPTER FOUR
Welcome once more to A&E........w-e-l-l ? As you know, our hero has
just dove in. In search of our heroine under the murky depths....
It was dark underwater but I knew where to go. I was ready but I was
not prepared for what greeted me there. I picked up your trail of ascending
bubbles. You were diving yet again as I watched you fade from my field of
vision. I followed slowly intending to catch you on the way up. But as you
rose all thought of capture fled my mind. For there appearing to me in the
dim light was the most wonderful feminine form I had yet laid eyes on. You
looked like a mermaid of old. So overwhelmed was I that I forgot the
simplest rule of diving with a snorkel: never, never breath in before blowing
out! Coughing and spluttering, I broke the surface. If you hadn't drug me
to shallow water where we could stand, I surely would have drowned. But,
what a way to go! After I could speak, I whispered in marvel, "you're
beautiful." You smiled shyly up at me, no longer the shark; just the girl.
We stared long into each other's eyes, saying a million things without
uttering a sound. You bobbed ever nearer and where flesh touched flesh,
there was fire. Then you shivered and I recalled our state of "au natural."
Embarrassed, I pulled away, but you pulled me back. "Hold me, please? I'm
cold." you said, and laid your head on my chest. I was certain the pounding
of my heart would bruise your face, so hard it seemed to me. I was rooted to
the spot, not daring to start a friction I know I could not stop. I had to
get back to the beach, the fire, and safety!
I began to move toward shore, but you clung to me even tighter, saying
"No. It's so cold and you're so warm." "I know! That's the problem." I
said, struggling toward the beach. Once free of the waves, I sprinted for
our place between the dunes. "You're rotten!!" You screamed, flailing after
me. I kept my back turned until you had wrapped a towel around yourself and
sat sullenly by the fire. "That was not very nice, you know," you grumped.
"I know," I whispered, hiding the turmoil within me. I wandered slowly away
to gaze across the mirror of the sea. Your footfalls alerted me to your
coming, but I did not turn. Softly laying your hand on my arm, you ask
"What's the matter?" Could I tell you? Would you understand? No, better to
not start something I can't finish. "Nothing, just thinking," I lie. "What
about?" you query. No answer. "Why did you run away from me?" There it
was. The question I knew would come, but I couldn't answer. How to start?
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for things to go this far. I don't know what to
say. I'm so sorry." "Sorry? What for? For wanting me?" Now, almost
angry, "No, you mean to tell me that you think that was all your idea? You
mean to tell me that you thought for one instant you would have touched me if
I hadn't wanted you to? Of course I wanted you to! Why else do you think I
left my suit on the beach and went after you? Why else do you think I pulled
you so tightly to me? I wanted to feel you! I wanted to give myself to you!
And you wanted me to! So, why now, all of a sudden the cold feet? You said
I was beautiful; did you mean it?" "Oh, yes; you are! You're so beautiful,
you scare me! You scare me to death! Don't you see?! I want you more than
I've ever wanted anyone. I want you so bad, my whole body's shakin'! I just
cannot have you!! It would be breaking all the rules. Everything I have
ever tried to stand for is on the line here. How can I make you understand?
Annette, the sweetest thing I could ever imagine would be to have you now. To
feel your warmth. To caress you tenderly until I could no longer. If ever I
did, though, I could never, never stop! I would not be able to let you go
again. I can not take that chance. I've been down that road before. I
can't be hurt like that again, ever. My whole life would fall apart. The
inevitability of your leaving me is way too great, now." I turn away, unable
to find words adequate to express the pain and longing and joy and sadness
all vying in my heart at this moment. What am I going to do? God, if ever
you loved me, prove it now! What do I tell this woman? I can't even find
words to tell myself. "How do I get myself into these things?" I wonder
aloud? "I'm a nice guy. I always try to walk the straight & narrow. I
never try to hurt anybody. So why is it I always find myself in this
position? Do I ask for these things? No. So how come I'm losing my mind,
right now? Jees! Look at me, I'm talking to myself."
I turned toward you and in so doing, caught just the glimmer of a smile
on your face. You tried to hide it with your hands, but there was no way to
conceal the amusement so plainly evident in your eyes. You were actually
giggling! I was indignant. "What's so funny?" "You are, silly." you
retorted with obvious glee. "Oh?" said I with annoyance. "How so?" To that
your reply was to crumple to the ground in gales of raucous laughter. Trying
to control myself, I calmly asked "Would you mind telling me, please, what it
is about my person that you find so all consumingly hilarious?"...........
CHAPTER FIVE
Fans, this story is getting too good to backtrack, so hang on.
Hilarious.....
Now I'm the angry one. "What's so damned funny!?" At my outburst, you
try to compose yourself enough to answer; while I waited, impatiently
fuming. "I'm...giggle, giggle...sorry. I don't mean to laugh, but..."
trying to catch your now so short, of late, breath! "You're falling in love
with me." Said so demurely, I had to ask you to repeat the answer. With
more confused bluster than true anger, "What are you talking about? I don't
even know what I'm doing, so how could you possibly know?" Of course, you
were not rattled, but simply looked up at me with a look that said: "You know
I'm right, so stop playing like it's not true!" What does one say to refute
a face so full of confident assurance?
I did the only thing possible for me to do. I pulled you to your feet
and kissed you. Softly, slowly, with tenderness, at first. Then, picking up
force like the waves so near, building, growing, surging forward until it
breaks upon the sand in a spray of foam and fury. Thus, did I find myself
lying upon my back; your trembling body atop me in the cold, dewy sand.
"Stop, please?" I whisper against your oh, so achingly enticing ear. "I
can't stop if we go much further, and you're much too important to me, to
tempt what I know would happen." My mind screams out for you to continue.
"Let this animal, straining against the chains of my own convention, go!"
While my heart aches to be sure. "Don't blow it, E." it says, "I know how
you want her butt, don't blow it!"
To break this exquisitely dangerous spell, I ask "What now?" Your voice
is husky in reply..."What do you want?" "Oh, Baby, you already know that!"
"Then stop fighting; you're the only thing that stands between us."
"Please don't put it that way. I tried to tell you why we mustn't let
this happen! Is it so hard to understand?" Your grudging answer "No, but
can't you just hold me?"
*****************************************************************************
PART TWO
CHAPTER ONE
THE ADVENTURE ON THE BOAT
Flowers! Flowers with satin ribbons everywhere! Flowers and faces.
What are they all smiling at, and why do my cheeks feel like I've been
hanging by the corners of my mouth for a month? Stop smiling, you idiot!! I
can't! I can't! My teeth have grown and my lips won't stretch back over
them anymore! Get hold of yourself. This is no big deal. Sure, no problem;
I mean, let's look at this realistically. You are, after all, only getting
married. Married! Oh Jees, is my hair straight? Are my pants zipped? Come
on, Wad, give me a hand here, but if I open my mouth to tell you all this,
everybody in this place will know how extremely nervous I am. Like they
don't know? Stop wiping your hands on your pants, you're going to leave
streaks. Oh, man! Oh, man! The music is starting! What am I supposed to
do? Oh God, don't let my knees buckle? I promise never, never to laugh at
another groom. Just don't let my knees buckle, please?
There she is! Oh, God she looks like an angel! I can't believe she's
really mine! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! How I hope you can read my
eyes, now that you're so close. Your hands are trembling. So, I'm not the
only one who's nervous. Oh, baby, you are so beautiful. Your face is
shining so brightly, so very, very brightly. Your...face...
"Aaaaahhhh!!" My free hand falls limply across my eyes, in a vain
attempt to shut out the rising sun. Why do I let you talk me into these
things? Because, it seemed like the thing to do at time. Oh well, at least
you're comfortable. And why not? You've got your face buried in my
shoulder. You can't even see the sun yet. Oh, stop grousing! You know you
love sleeping on deck as much as she does. After all, you did start it,
remember? Just when I get to the good part, you stir, recalling me from my
sweet reverie. You start, and grab me tightly as you awake. "I'm so glad
you're still here! Are we really married?!"
I reassure you, if not a bit facetiously. "You've asked me that every
day for a week and the answer is still the same. Yes. We are really
married. In the eyes of both God and the State. And I thought I was the
insecure one."
With a look of sheer exasperated disgust, you grabbed hold of my
pectoral protrusion, commonly known as a nipple, and twisted. Savagely
intoning all the while: "You know very well what I meant!"
"Oooouch! I scream and roll away, to no avail. You have the strongest
fingers of any woman I know. My misfortune, I married a woman with an iron
grip. After what you decide is a suitable amount of time....an interminable
period of anguish for me....you let go. Then you rolled on top of me, kissed
me shortly, and said, "I am so happy! I still feel like this is all a dream,
and I'm just waiting to wake up. And when I do, I know you'll be gone."
"Not a chance, Baby! Not now that I know what I know about you and
sailboats." Just as we were about to reprise our "fete du accompli" of the
night before, a voice: "I didn't think swells were the only things rockin'
this boat last night." The latter said from the hatch, where stood my
buddy, Vince.
Your startled cry and frantic hurry to pull the sheets over your quickly
reddening face draws gales of laughter from both Vince and myself. For
which, I was again the recipient of your agonizing grip. Coupled this time
with blows as well.
"All right! All right! I'm sorry! I conceed." At which time, you
stop hitting me and notice that in your frenzy you have pulled the sheet up
to expose your thighs.
"Go away, please, Vince!" you yell into my unguarded ear.
"Sure, anything you say. Breakfast in twenty." he calls, retreating
back into the cabin. Still chuckling and shaking his head. As we help each
other up, a muffled "Newlyweds!" reaches our ears from the galley.
I laughingly comment "That was pretty funny."
"Not to me!" you growl. Before you can sermonize to me about the evils
of having another man aboard your honeymoon cruise, yet again, I suggest a
swim. "Now? Like this?" You are incredulous.
"You didn't seem to mind before." I remind you.
"That was in the dark. This is in broad daylight!" you affirm.
"Oh honey, there isn't a soul around for a hundred miles" I coax.
"What about Vince?" pointing to the cabin below.
"He's cooking breakfast. And besides, you'll be in the water, what's to
see?"
"In this water, he could count my goose bumps from thirty yards out!"
said with deliberateness and just a touch of the irate shrew.
"Suit yourself." And over the side I go. Knowing full well you would
not let me have half the satisfaction of winning an argument by simply diving
into the crystal azure waters of the cove. Also bearing in mind, that once
you had followed me into the water there would no longer be anything to argue
about.
We frolicked and splashed in the warm blue water like the children we
still were. Swimming this way and that, marveling at the things we found on
the bottom, playing on the surface until Vince reappeared. Naked foot upon
the rail, he shouted "You two gonna eat or what?"
"Be in in a sec, man." I shouted back. When from behind my left ear,
where you had hidden yourself, there thundered a resounding "Go away, please,
Vince!"
This pleased me none too well. Being as how it made the state of
deafness in both my ears, almost equal.
"I wish you'd stop doing that!" I squalled, as I valiantly tried to stop
the ringing in my abused ears.
"Would you rather he see what only you should see?" you countered.
"No! But I would like to be able to hear when our honeymoon is over.
Thank you!" With this exchange we made our way to the ladder at the keel of
Vince's boat. Once aboard, we found our towels and clothes in two neat
stacks on the benches lining the hull. With proper chagrin, you smile up at
me and say "He really is a sweetheart!" I merely roll my eyes in wonder at
the thought processes of a female.
When we had dried ourselves and dressed, an activity that must have
sounded to poor Vince, much like children playing in Mother's wardrobe, you
called out "You can come up, now, Vince, and thank you."
Said, I might add, from a reasonable distance this time. I kissed you
heartily for it. Mr. B., then coming into view laden with trays from the
galley, plaintively asked "Why do I get the feeling you don't want me around
much?"
While you try to stammer out a reply, I, having seen the smile behind
the glasses, reply for you "Ah, you know women, she's just being finicky."
If looks could kill, I would have, at that moment, found myself lying in the
deepest depths of Davy Jones' locker. However, God, being the most
benevolent God that He is, chose to spare me. I, for my part, flashed you my
most dazzlingly brilliant smile. And quipped "But you know I love you, Baby."
To this, Vince's reaction was to fall onto the bench in a fit of
hysterics. Of course, after having previously laid the dishes on the cleared
chart table.
But, to no one's surprise, you weren't buying that line. "I don't know
why I ever married him. Anyone can see that he's nothing but an overbearing,
arrogant, conceited, egotistical, jerk!!" Softening, "But I do so love him."
After so saying, you brushed your hand tenderly against my cheek and gazed
down into my adoring eyes.
"Making up is so much fun!" I say and pull you down next to me.
This was too much for my friend Vince, for his next words were: " Would
you guys quit, already? I feel like I'm trapped in a two-bit romance novel!"
Never one to offend, I shot back "You're just jealous!" Then proceeded
to kiss you noisily about the neck and shoulders. At which you squealed and
delivered a shower of harmless blows to my shoulders.
Once again displaced, but never really, Vince grumbles "Well, you can
have that, if you want; I'm eating real food for breakfast." Having so said,
he fell to with great relish.
The girl's name is Annette; my name is
Ed Oster. I only ask that you keep my
name with this story and if you have
any comments, please send them to me:
Ed Oster
Box 5537
Warren Wilson Rd.
Swannanoa, NC 28778