What Happened Last Night by Girl Friday

Originally published August 2003

Last week, on a lark, I posted a message to one of the discussion groups I belong to. I really enjoy this group, mostly males who enjoy the erotic writings of a certain author. I knew I could count on them to have fun with anything that was posted. My message read:

I've started to write. My husband loves erotica but for some reason gets really embarrassed reading MY stuff. Why is that? To quote my favorite heroine: "Will somebody explain males to me? With diagrams and short words?" *

Friday

I checked back in with the group a few days later and saw that someone had posted a reply. I hadn’t really expected a response. Eagerly I opened it. It read:

Miss Friday,

Heterosexual males are simple creatures with complex issues. Some of these issues are genetic and go back to the time that we first began to walk upright. Since women obviously had the most important job, continuation of the species, men were relegated to building fire, killing things and stealing from the neighbors. Since the two most valuable things were childbearing females and food, guess what men stole? This led to development of a number of rather interesting rituals that continue to this day including a love of sports and action movies and high fiving each other after we score, either on or off the field. This also led the male to be very protective of "his females" in order to prevent other males from stealing her(them).

Unfortunately, several thousand years of evolution has made only slight improvements. The majority of the improvements that have been made to the male of the species are in direct response to the tremendous improvements to the female of the species and the males’ single-minded focus on getting to mate with the females. This single-minded pursuit and the females "raising of the bar" of what is required for this to happen is almost entirely responsible for every improvement to male of the species, meaning that these improvements have been environmental and cultural, not genetic.

The simple answer to men is that all that is needed to keep them
happy is to come naked and bring beer. Unfortunately, this is the
simple answer and though it works reasonably well, it is not the
complete answer and it does not work all of the time.

I hope this has answered your question. I now must go back down the rabbit hole and see what direction the Cheshire Cat will direct me today.

Dragon

As I sat at my computer reading Dragon’s reply I began to giggle. "Come naked and bring beer," well that could be fun. This was just too good to ignore. Quickly I typed my response:

Dearest Dragon,

Thank you for your most eloquent explanation. This simple girl will now employ the simple answer by grabbing a beer from the fridge, stripping to her birthday suit and reading stories to aforementioned squeamish husband while sitting on his lap. I'm sure he will thank you. <G>

Friday

Hmmm. The longer I thought about my off-the-cuff response, the more determined I became. My husband was in for a surprise.

Quickly I made my preparations. I printed out a chapter from one of the stories I had written and made sure there was plenty of cold beer in the fridge. After a quick shower I was ready. I didn’t want to appear too willing; he’d know something’s up. Ah, his favorite tee shirt was right where he left it, on the bedroom floor. Easily three sizes too big for me, it would cover my nakedness while still showing him plenty. Just right. Now I just had to wait for him to get home from work.

It wasn’t long before I heard the garage door open and close. Dan wandered in, weariness evident in every step he took. He’s an air traffic controller and some days the pressure and stress are exhausting. Tonight had apparently been one of those nights.

"Hey, handsome. How was your day, or should say night?" (It was 10:00 p.m.)

"Okay. I had a couple of idiots today, but otherwise not too bad."

"Well, why don’t you go sit on the couch and I’ll grab you a beer."

"I’ll pass on the beer. I’ve got to be back for the morning shift so I don’t dare drink. Why are you wearing my shirt?" His expression as he looked me over was confused.

"Because it’s warm in here and I was missing you. Sit. I have something I want to read you." He sank into the couch and I went to sit in his lap, bringing along the chapter I had printed out.

"You’ve been writing again?" He wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my shoulder.

"Yes, and I want your opinion. You up for that?"

"As long as you stay right here."

I grinned at him and began to read to using my softest, sexiest tone of voice. The longer I read the more relaxed he seemed. As I described a particularly steamy kiss he slid one of his hands down my bare leg and began to rub it slowly, working his way to my hip. My lack of underwear was soon evident.

"What are you wearing under there?" He continued to knead my naked hip.

"Nothing. Now stop that and listen, okay?" I continued to read my story aloud. His hand wandered from my hip up to my breast, where he lightly stoked my nipple, bringing it to full arousal. He continued to massage my boob and began to place warm sensuous kisses on my neck, nibbling gently on my earlobe.

"Hey! You be good. You’re supposed to be listening to my story." If he kept it up any longer I wasn’t going to be able to think, let alone read.

"I am being good. Very, very good." He lifted his hips and ground against me. I could feel his erection on my butt as it strained against his jeans. I giggled and wriggled my butt back against his lap.

He groaned, "Shit, Beth, do that again."

"No. You’re supposed to be listening!" He grabbed the pages from my hand and threw them on the coffee table.

"To hell with that. I haven’t heard one word since your nipple crinkled up in my hand. Now how about we take this off and finish what you started." With that, he pulled the shirt over my head and threw it on the floor, leaving me naked in his lap. "Now, that’s more like it!"

He bent his head and drew one of my nipples into his mouth while working one of his fingers into my dripping slit. I yelped as he dragged it across my clit. "That’s my girl, let’s hear more of that." He put a second finger in me, pumping and twisting them in and out of me while his thumb circled my clit, flicking it each time he buried his fingers in me. I started to gasp and yelp in time with his magic fingers, completely incoherent from the sensations he was creating. I felt the muscles in my stomach and my thighs begin to tighten.

"Danny, I’m gonna cum!"

"Oh, baby, yes cum for me. I love to see you lose it." He started flicking my clit relentlessly, driving a third finger into me. The wave started to crash over me; it was going to be huge.

"DAAANNNNYYYYY!!!!" I wailed his name as I exploded, my whole body clenched around his fingers as my climax ripped through me.

It seemed like ages before I was able to stop gasping and open my eyes. He was watching me with a huge shit-eating grin on his face. "Looks like you enjoyed that."

"Your turn buster!" I quickly sat up and started pulling his shirt off. That accomplished, I went to work on his jeans. He lifted up so I could slide them off and nearly poked out my eye with his erect cock. "Looks like someone is happy to see me." I knelt at his feet and slurped that yummy cock into my mouth in one smooth motion.

"Happy does not begin to describe it," He groaned. I started bobbing up and down on his gorgeous cock, sucking for all I was worth and swirling my tongue around the edge of his head, just where he likes it.

"Damn, babe, I’m not gonna last long if you keep that up." I just increased the suction and carefully started to play with his balls. I could feel them draw up a little as his shaft turned to solid granite in my mouth.

"Here it coooommmmeeeesss!!!" A jet of hot liquid hit my tongue. I backed off so that just the tip was still in my mouth and continued to pump his cock with my hand. He shot several more spurts into my mouth as I swallowed his load. His cock stayed hard as I cleaned it off and climbed up on the couch, straddling his thighs.

"How about you sit right here?" Dan said as he positioned himself at my entrance. I sank onto his shaft, moaning as I felt him slide into me. "Oh yeah, babe, sit right there." I sat motionless, reveling in the feel of him. He wriggled his hips out and slid down so that he could capture my breast in his mouth, making it easier for me to ride. And ride I did, up and down, I slid on his shaft slow and easy, loving the feel of his cock.

"Danny, I love how this feels," I moaned.

"Me too babe. How about a little faster now?" He gripped my hips and adjusted the pace, moving me faster on his cock. I gripped his shoulders for leverage and let him drive up into me.

"Open your eyes, look at me. I love to watch your eyes as you go over the edge." His words went straight to my clit, making it even more sensitive as he started to rub it on each down stroke. I opened my eyes and locked onto his, feeling my body begin to tighten once more. "That’s it, I can see it. Not long now."

Gripping my hips once more, he began slamming me down on his cock, twisting just enough to grind into my clit. "Come on baby, cum for me." His words alone sent me over the edge. I shrieked as my body shuddered and my pussy clamped down around his cock. "Oh, yes, that’s it!!!" He yelled and buried his cock in me as it began to spasm and spew.

Slowly my ragged breathing began to ease and I could feel Dan grow limp and slide out of me. He gathered me up and rolled so that we were stretched out lengthwise on the couch, cuddled together.

"Not that it wasn’t most enjoyable, but what got into you? Attacking me on the couch isn’t your usual style." Dan smiled as he said it and brushed the hair back from face.

"Funny, I was just trying to read you my story. You attacked me."

"Nope. This was your doing and you know it, so ‘fes up."

I told him about the message I got from Dragon and his "simple" explanation. Dan sighed contentedly and said, "Tell Dragon I owe him a beer."

The next morning I checked the discussion group and there was another message from Dragon:

Dear Sweet Friday

Please don't hesitate to provide a fairly detailed description of
your employment of the simple answer with your "squeamish" husband last night.

Yours Truly
Dragon

The flirt! Well, it’s the least I could do. I opened Word and began to type.

--Fin--

Special thanks to bamfdragon42 and fab4fan999 for allowing use of messages 291, 351, 353, and 355 from the discussion group FDWritings. <http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FDWritings/>

* Robert A. Heinlein, Friday (New York: Ballantine Books, 1983) 313.