Always and Forever by Girl Friday

Originally published September 2003

20 September 2003

My Darling,

It was a year ago today that you left, and though I know you will not read this letter, I still feel the need to commit the words to paper.

Do you remember the day you asked me to marry you? It was a beautiful day. I had just met your parents for the first time when you pulled me out the back door. The meadow was full of wildflowers. The scent of honeysuckle and wild sage surrounded us. We made love in the tall grass as a gentle rain started to fall. I remember how good it felt when I sank down upon you. I stopped to savor the feeling of being joined, reveling in the closeness. You kissed the palm of my hand and slipped the ring on my finger.

"Always and forever," you whispered.

Those words are seared on my soul.

I heard them again on our wedding day. We stood on the beach, our family and friends around us. I can still hear the waves crashing against the rocks, smell the scent of the ocean, and taste the spray on my lips. The wind caught my hair and swirled it around us as you kissed me.

"Always and forever."

We whispered it together, as the cheering of our loved ones celebrated our union.

That night we snuck out to the beach and made love in the sand. The waves caressed our bodies as the surf rolled in around us. Your kiss was wet and tasted of the sea. In that moment I felt all things were possible as long as we were together.

A year ago it ended.

I still don't understand. Intellectually, I know what happened. It's my heart that hasn't recovered. Now I wear your ring on a chain around my neck. It rests between my breasts, a tangible weight to match the emptiness of my soul. I can still remember the look in the State Trooper's eyes as he handed me your ring, flecked with the dark red of dried blood.

The flecks are still there. I can't bear to wash them off.

The sun is setting, My Darling, and the day is drawing to its end. Another day without you. I can hear the waves crashing against the rocks in the distance. The tears I cry today are my last. A feeling of peace and joy surrounds me.

Tonight, I will go to the beach and lay down in the surf, the words you whispered echoing in my ears. I'm sure there will be tears. I can only hope they will understand-- and be happy that we are together once more.

Until tonight, My Darling.

Always and forever,

Moira