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 As a young boy around 10 or 11 my parents use to send us to the saturday
matinee which at the time we were very happy about.  We didn't realise at
the time that is was mom and dads time to be alone.  When we were younger
they would make us take naps.  It was at one of these matinees that my
brother and I meet an man that would buy us whatever treats we wanted if we
would let him play with our genitilia.  We never told our folks.  As I
entered my pubesant years I meet a man who ran a gas station and he would
pay me 20.00 to give me BJ's.  I enjoyed the release and the money which I
would spend on my girl friend of the moment.  I believe these two
experiences were the reason for my later failings in the rusal of my
daughters affections.

   At 32 My 11 year marriage was headed for devorce and I had my daughter
over every other week which was a good arraingement for both of us.  My
daughter started to play rough house games, when she was over, that were
sexual in nature I and encouraged them mostly because of my inability to
hunt for mature females after 11 years of marriage.  (insecurity) She would
pull on my sweats, exposing my butt or fall down and thus pulling down my
pants.  at night while watching a movie she would place her hand on my
groin whenever she needed to get up to go to the kitchen or bathroom. 
Since I only had a one bedroom apt.  she wanted to sleep on the floor in
her sleeping bag next to my bed.  One night my daughter climbed up on the
bed and asked if she could sleep with me.  I had on a night shirt and so
did she, the room was jet black and I could not see a thing.  I remember
being more excited and scared then I had ever been in my entire life as she
reached over and touched my erection with both hands on the outside of my
nightshirt, her hands did not move.  I in turn reached between her legs and
found to my suprise that they were spread and that she didn't have any
underware on.  I rubbed for what seemed like an eternity, when my daughter
suggested that she get back down and go to sleep.  I agreed.  The games
continueed for four years but never went further then touching and teasing.
It stopped one day when she got mad at me for touching her body around the
time she started to date and I believed she realised that she could not
replace mommy.

   Six months later she told her mother about us and I was arrested for
crimes against a minor.  I was court ordered to see a psychotrist, spend
weekends for a year in a community help program for first time offender and
paid a 20,000.00 to the courts.  My fear of going to jail and being raped,
revieled by psych test and the fact that I had never commited another crime
kept me out of jail.

   To this day, I'm still drawn to 10 and 11 year old females.  I will look
at the pics, read the stories and chat with young ones in private rooms but
my fear factor keeps me from going futher.  I can't take the chance of
destroying my family.  By the way, I have raised a well rounded daughter in
my second marriage who is on the verge of college without any indication of
my past social failures.