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Article 9 of 115
Subject: Estragon revised: Travels w. Aunt Paula II/6 (femdom)
From: Estragon <rgt@well.com>
Date: 1997/02/07
Message-Id: <32FB539E.338A@well.com>
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Organization: Estragon Productions
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Travels With Aunt Paula II/6
(for adults only
copyright 1996, Estragon Productions)
"It is a prick, it is a sting,
It is a pretty, pretty thing...."
As Aunt Paula had expected, his belated circumcision had a deep effect
on Cal. Of course it did. But not for the pain alone, though this
lasted many days. Yet its reverberation went deeper and would indeed
last a lifetime. On that day Cal truly became a man, at least in Aunt
Paula's unorthodox sense of the phrase. That trace of girlishness a
young boy is still permitted, that purity he may pretend to while his
male organs are immature, in a single hour deserted him. The
humiliation Cal experienced was irreparable, and even as small a boy
as he, too young to have developed masculine ways, had to reel
beneath its shock. This wasn't the humiliation of unmasked pretense,
nor even of exploded pride. This was something closer to the bone, a
physical truth, a wound still awaiting the birth of the ego it would
lodge in. Yes, Paula had foreseen it all.
There had been ladies present. Even the doctor was a woman, named
Barbara. No men, no boys, only ladies. And girls. Adolescent girls and
young girls too. A few his very classmates. Children like himself -
but also not at all like himself, not women, not breasted yet, still
narrow-hipped, but more like women than like Cal, penis-less beings,
smooth and silent and concealed where he was all stick-out and dangle.
Paula had invited them right along with their mothers. And their
mothers had thought it a splendid idea, a lesson their daughters would
thank them for.
Cal's circumcision was set for an afternoon in early summer. Cal spent
the morning fretting in his room, filled with vivid fears of the
operation to come. When Aunt Paula at last called him to the
living-room, the sight of so many women and girls stopped him in his
tracks. For a while his fear gave way to despair. But Paula led him
around the room, insisting that he greet every guest formally, even
the familiar little girls, his schoolmates, and thank each for coming.
Cal did so with averted eyes and frail voice. Then Paula gently told
him he would have to undress now. And there in the center of Aunt
Paula's living-room, while the women and older girls smiled benignly
and the younger girls giggled and kicked their feet, Cal shed each
element of his boyish uniform. His sneakers and socks, his jersey and
blue-jeans, and finally, hesitantly, his briefs. The younger girls
looked on his trembling nakedness with brazen delight, and Cal knew
that he must stand before them this way, defenseless and apprehensive,
until an older member of their sex told him she was ready to do the
dreadful thing to his penis.
From the pan into the flames. From behind him, Cal heard Doctor
Barbara's voice. She was asking him to climb onto a chair and mount
Aunt Paula's dining-table, over which a crisp white sheet had been
spread. Shaking, Cal obeyed. He was on all fours, disoriented on the
table-top and just turning to face the doctor, when she asked him to
stand up, quickly thought better of it when he'd half achieved it and
told him he'd be fine as he was, on his knees. "Only don't lean back,
sweetheart," she said. "Lift yourself big and tall, with your belly
forward. Yes, there you go. Good boy. I'd like to explain to the
girls, you see, what a circumcision is all about."
Barbara casually reached for Cal's penis, raising it with thumb and
forefinger away from his body. She went on speaking in a way that made
it clear to Cal that she was determined to help the younger girls
understand, no matter how long this kept the patient waiting. But this
feminine pressure on his penis was not unwelcome, having as it did the
effect of dispelling a little of Cal's anxiety.
"Boys are born, you see," Doctor Barbara said, "with a little more
skin down here than they'll ever need." She pulled Cal's prepuce back
to reveal his glans. The sensation was not pleasant, but he tried to
keep still as the doctor lightly tapped her finger on his exposed
part. Several times she stretched and released his foreskin. Girls
leaned in to see. They tugged at their mothers' sleeves. They had
urgent questions but seemed to think they'd better whisper. Some
mothers leaned over Cal too. One of them said, "You know, I've never
actually seen a circumcision."
"I've been to a couple," another offered, "but, you know, they're only
eight days old. There's not a lot of boy there to see."
Cal closed his eyes, ashamed. The doctor went on, still mindful of the
puzzled girls. This day was more about girls than boys. That much was
clear to Cal. "Now I want you all to watch something," the doctor
said. "Does he have erections yet, do you know, Paula?"
"Pint-sized ones, yes," Paula said.
"Good," the doctor said, as she rolled back Cal's foreskin with one
hand and lightly stroked the underside of his bare glans for a moment.
This was a different sensation from that doctorly tapping a few
moments ago. Cal made a small mournful sound and his penis swelled and
hardened. Doctor Barbara released it to quiver in freedom.
"With that skin out of the way, it's so easy, you see," the doctor
said. She flexed Cal's penis a few times with her finger-tips.
Even the older girls came forward for the experiment, gleeful at the
springing hardness of the little organ and at the breathless outcries,
of indeterminate meaning, the doctor's strokes elicited from the boy.
"Okay, then," Doctor Barbara said. "Everyone has the idea. So we'd
rather not have that special place hidden from us by that skinny skin
skin, would we, girls?" A chorus of high-pitched voices offered a
sing-song "No."
"In that case I'm simply going to take a scalpel - that's a special
sharp knife we doctors use - and cut this silly skin right off of
Cal's penis."
"That can't be fun for Cal," one of the girls said.
"Not right now, maybe," the doctor said. "It will hurt a little for a
while, but Cal will be brave." She smiled down at the patient and
pressed his arm reassuringly. "But almost all boys are circumcised
nowadays, you know. It's better for them, better for their health,
and better for their attitude as well."
Nobody appeared to have any trouble understanding this last, obscure
remark. Even Cal, lying nervous and exposed as women and girls stood
all around him, awaiting an event which Paula had said it was normal
to celebrate, though one which the doctor herself admitted was going
to be painful for the boy - even Cal vaguely intuited why Doctor
Barbara had mentioned "attitude." When the doctor exposed Cal's glans
to all those female eyes, Cal truly understood what Aunt Paula had
meant by her funny words, "extra naked." That skin the doctor said Cal
didn't need: it was a little covering on a boy even when he was out of
his clothes. Paula was always explaining that boys and men are always
naked, even with their clothes on. So how could things get so
backwards? How could a boy have a little covering growing right on his
naked organ? Of course it had to go.
But that's what made circumcision so humiliating too. It was as though
ladies were taking away your clothes and then saying, That's not
enough, little fellow, we need to tug a little more of you out into
the open. Make you, yes, "extra naked."
Cal felt the utter femininity of the room. Women and girls and, on the
other hand, his solitary self, naked, on display, a single specimen
of boy spread out on a sheet, his penis awaiting in fear the doctor's
special knife. The rest was women and girls: long hair, smooth cheeks,
reddened lips, jewelry. And dresses. Absolutely everyone skirted. His
baby-sitter, a young teenager whom he'd only seen before now in
well-worn jeans: in a kilt today, and under it white tights. His
friends, his schoolmates - everyone in party clothes. Their beautiful
dresses would always be a central part of Cal's memory of this day.
Even much later, as an adolescent, Cal would regard their clothes as a
truer revelation of women's essence than anything concealed beneath.
Cal knew that women had their own kind of organs, tucked inside them.
But even after puberty he would rarely imagine them. For him, women
would always be what they seemed on the outside: smooth, imperturbable
bodies, more like serene goddesses than pliant flesh and blood. What
if they did have secret parts? No man could control them with a
glance. Never would they spring and live for him, or humbly swell
beneath his careless power. Nor did they offer to amuse him with their
easy pain: Cal had only to think of his testicles, daintily suspended
in their tenuous sack, to feel anew the vast distance that separates
man from woman.
Doctor Barbara told Cal he could have a little rest now. She told him
to stretch out on the table and relax. The shift from his knees to his
back took some doing, but Doctor Barbara helped by planting her hands
on Cal's abdomen and buttocks and guiding him into place. There were
girls all around him, hovering above. Cal stared wretchedly up at them
with wide, watering eyes. In his hopelessness Cal saw no reason to
cling to his pride. The girls were watching Cal spread his legs as the
doctor instructed, watching her swab his penis with cotton soaked in
chilly antiseptics which made him flinch. Two older girls were invited
to come up to the table and hold Cal's legs apart. It pleased them to
wear the sterile masks and gloves the doctor handed them. Cal felt a
particular humiliation in their rubberized touch as they seized hold
of his legs and stretched them wider. Fear and shame were heavy in the
pit of Cal's stomach.
"I'm going to spray you now with some stuff, Cal," Doctor Barbara
said. "It'll feel cool and make your dicky get numb." Despite the
warning, the icy liquid startled the boy and made him shake. The
anesthetic was watery and Doctor Barbara had used lots of it. It
soaked Cal's scrotum and dripped plentifully onto his belly and
thighs. Wherever it fell, a frigid cold set in. Cal's penis frosted
over. The numbness constricted and stiffened his innocent organ. This
thing, his circumcision, was truly about to happen. Cal's heart
pounded and his eyes filled with tears. "Can I have someone to hold
his shoulders down, please," the doctor said. "Cal, sweetie, let your
head lie back now." He had trouble giving in, but even when he did,
his shaking continued. A woman appeared above him, gloved and masked,
and leaned on his shoulders. He smelled her perfume and noticed
through his clouded gaze her long earrings and shadowed eyes. She
pressed him gently at first but bore down more firmly when he failed
to stop shaking. Aunt Paula was staying somewhere in the background.
Held down like this, Cal had no hope of seeing her, but he thought he
heard her voice on the far side of the room. Aunt Paula sounded
agitated, choked up. Cal thought he heard her say, "My baby...," in
mournful syllables. Another woman seemed to be comforting her. "For
the best," Cal heard her murmur, and "Really, Paula, he'll be okay."
Doctor Barbara was gripping Cal's penis between her fingers again. Her
touch was far away, just on the edge of sensation, but it mingled
strangely with the cold. "It's time now, Cal," the doctor said. "Be as
still as you can be. Everybody, assistants, it's time," she announced.
Even guests who had not been peering at the patient before now moved
closer to the table. Cal shook and sobbed and began to heave.
"I'll need another for his middle," the doctor called. "Someone?" A
teenage girl came forward and quickly donned the sterile gloves and
mask. The doctor planted the girl's two hands squarely on Cal's
stomach. He heaved against them but the motion was no longer
communicated to his pelvis. "Excellent," Doctor Barbara said. She held
up a thin metal device. "This is a clamp," she said. "I'm going to
stretch Cal's foreskin over the tip of his penis now and clamp it."
This done, she held her scalpel high for a moment, then, with a quick
turn of her wrist, circumcised the boy. "It's nothing," she said. She
was already dressing the wound.
The guests let out a communal sigh of relief and turned to the
refreshments. Aunt Paula rushed to the table and lifted Cal into her
arms. "Oh, my darling, my good, brave darling, you have been so strong
today." Aunt Paula's eyes were glistening. "I love you so, my
wonderful boy. Oh, look at your poor, sweet penis. How I wish that
boys weren't born like that. Then we wouldn't have to do this awful
thing to them. But we have to, Cal. We have to. Don't we?"
Cal nodded weakly. "Do you see, everybody? Do you see, ladies? Girls,
do you see? Cal knows that we had to do this thing to him. My sweet
baby understands."
But Cal was crying now. The cold was leaving his penis and the pain
that replaced it was beginning to radiate. He begged to go to his bed,
but Aunt Paula explained that he had to stay near her and the doctor
for an hour at least. Besides, he was the guest of honor. A cot had
been prepared for him in a corner of the room and Paula carried him to
it. He lay propped up, softly sobbing. Pain was in flower all through
his groin. All about him women and girls were laughing. Sometimes, he
thought, he himself must have been the object of their mirth, he and
his ordeal and the manifest horrors of being a boy, because girls
would look his way and whisper into one another's ear and laugh. For
very much longer than an hour Cal watched this female gala through his
tears.
end of part two
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