Author: Moderated by Gary Jordan Title: The Silver Clitorides Awards, 2003, June Part: 6 of 2003 Universe: The Silver Clitorides Awards Summary: The Silver Clitorides Awards are a monthly adjunct to the Golden Clitorides Awards. Their object is to promote good stories and good authors. Keywords: Stories, Links, Awards +----+----+----+----+----+----+----+----+ The June 2003 Silver Clitorides Awards Presentation: My muse had reviewed the last few Silver Clitorides Awards presentations and was somewhat less than ecstatic. "You've simply got to stop winging it like this - people are going to assume *I* had something to do with it, and my reputation will be ruined among the other Muses!" I won't claim that I didn't sulk a bit. But when she's right, she's right. So I said, "Inspire me!" She did. Did she give me words and phrases? No, that isn't how she works, not directly. I sat at the keyboard and started typing. I pictured La Taverna on a Friday evening. You know what I mean; you've been there. Crowded. Happy. "Thank-God-It's-Friday-ish." Looser than a weeknight, but not out of control like on a Saturday night. No "fever"... just good fellowship and loud music and bumping bodies and pheromones. My Muse tunes in on thoughts like that, and just sighs or giggles a certain way or at a particular moment, like at the image of Please Cain getting tanked with Desdmona, and all those writers offering hints on how to hold the glass or turn the wrist, or how much to bend the elbow; whether to sip or gulp. And the "Mmmmmm" at the image of a birthday Nymph leading a parade of testosterone; the snort as yet *another* Nekkid in School banner gets tacked to the bulletin board; the dreamy sigh as Jack Lipton again expounds so eruditely on his lack of writing ability. And I typed. I built a scene of such stunning vision that there was no doubt the Oscars would plagiarize it this year. There was pathos, drama, humor - high and low - and best of all, pride in the authors, warmth for the readers. As I committed the last words to the screen, I was drained, empty, stunned. I wanted to cry. "You'd better help me capture some of this for my next story," I said, with equal parts awe and jealousy. She smiled in tolerant amusement. Then she frowned. "Before you go and reenact what you've written, you'd better dispose of that other matter." I knew the one she meant. People think I'm a nice person - well, usually I am. But I'd written that desecration in a fit of anger and envy and... never mind. I wasn't even angry at the subject of the diatribe, I had merely lashed out blindly, a post that would start the flame war to end all flame wars, possibly resulting in the dissolution of the newsgroup had I posted it. As good as the award presentation was, the unposted troll-post was bad. Clearing it from the hard drive was a simple matter of backing up everything else, over-writing everything three times with 0's and 1's, reformatting, doing a low level format with fdisk, smashing the hard drive with a ball-peen hammer, and installing the new drive. But there was the matter of the print-out. E-mail daily assured me that "THE FBI IS SIFTING THROUGH YOUR GARBAGE," so merely crumpling it up and tossing it was Not Good Enough. It needed to be shredded, then burned, and the ashes scattered. And the only shredder I knew of nearby was in the back office at La Taverna. While I dressed for The Presentation, she carefully disguised the filth to resemble Just Another Post. "Here you go," she said. "The Troll is in this document protector the one with the image of Sandra Bullock looking back over her shoulder. The Presentation is in this one." The cover page had an image of Pamela Anderson. Stunning misdirection. "Remember," Muse said, "The Binder with the Bimbo is the paper on the caper; the folder with the shoulder is the spiel to conceal." "The bimbo with the bumpers holds the caper on it's paper," I paraphrased, "The penning of the poison's behind the lass with the class." Muse dimpled. "I'm going to run a copy by Denny, 'kay?" she asked? I winked in response. We left, her to my editor, I to La Taverna. I knew Denny would approve this time - it was that good. All the way there, I amused myself paraphrasing my mnemonic. "The epistle with the gristle bears the star of 'the Net'...," heh-heh-heh, "the swim-wear full of plastic has the gold to be told." With an enormous grin, I snuck in the back way, slipped into the office, and started the shredder. Someone was coming! I dumped the contents of the first Clear- View(TM) document protector into the shredder, and opened the one I still held. Oh *NO!!!* There it was, in bold print: "*Allison George wears beige granny panties.*" Those words joined the others in the shredder. I breathed a short- lived sigh of relief. At least the existence of *those* flame- evoking thoughts would never be known. But with them had gone the presentation to crown all presentations. I was once again reduced to winging it. My muse would snap me in half. So what could I do? I walked to the stage, where waited the podium bearing statuette and framed award, *a-hemmed* for attention, and announced, "The Winner of the Silver Clitorides Award for the best story of the Month of June, 2003, goes to "Camping," by Victoria Manley. Congratulations, Victoria, and well done to *all* the authors and finalists." The June 2003 Silver Clitorides Awards Winner: Camping http://www.erotica-readers.com/GD/TCQuickies.htm by Victoria Manley http://www.erotica-readers.com/ERA/COF-Victoria.htm +----+----+----+----+----+----+----+----+ The June 2003 Silver Clitorides Awards Finalists. Bus Ride to Passion http://www1.asstr.org/files/Authors/Julie_Hypnotic/Bus%20Ride%20to%20Passion.doc by Julie Hypnotic /~Julie_Hypnotic/ Camping http://www.erotica-readers.com/GD/TCQuickies.htm by Victoria Manley http://www.erotica-readers.com/ERA/COF-Victoria.htm Jared And Amanda Naked In School /~Frank_Downey/naked.htm by Frank Downey /~Frank_Downey/ Protective Custody /~Dorsai/Protective_Custody.html by Dorsai /~Dorsai/ Time To Protect Earth by PT Brainum http://storiesonline.net/ Winsome Willie http://assm.asstr.org/Year2003/42840 by Dr. Spin +----+----+----+----+----+----+----+----+ The June 2003 Silver Clitorides Awards Nominees. Bus Ride to Passion http://www1.asstr.org/files/Authors/Julie_Hypnotic/Bus%20Ride%20to%20Passion.doc by Julie Hypnotic /~Julie_Hypnotic/ Camping http://www.erotica-readers.com/GD/TCQuickies.htm by Victoria Manley http://www.erotica-readers.com/ERA/COF-Victoria.htm Change of Life /~Ann_Douglas/life.html by Ann Douglas /~Ann_Douglas Ed And Natalie Naked In School /~Frank_Downey/naked.htm by Frank Downey /~Frank_Downey/ Honey Mine /~oosh/honeymine.html by Oosh /~oosh/ Jared And Amanda Naked In School /~Frank_Downey/naked.htm by Frank Downey /~Frank_Downey/ Mike And Lily Naked In School by /~Frank_Downey/naked.htm by Frank Downey /~Frank_Downey/ Protective Custody /~Dorsai/Protective_Custody.html by Dorsai /~Dorsai/ Time To Protect Earth by PT Brainum http://storiesonline.net/ Winsome Willie http://assm.asstr.org/Year2003/42840 by Dr. Spin Why I Swallow http://www.erotica-readers.com/GD/TCF-Swallow.htm by Mike Kimera +----+----+----+----+----+----+----+----+