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From: "Vickie Morgan" <artemis55@hotmail.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} [4/4] Goodbye Columbus (Fantasy Train Story)
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Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 19:10:00 -0500
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 WARNING: This story includes sexually explicit material.

 I would like to thank the proof-readers for all their help

Any comments, including constructive criticisms, would be
 most appreciated.  Please send to artemis55@hotmail.com

 This work is copyrighted by the author.  You may download and keep
 one copy for your personal use as long as my by-line and e-mail
 address and this paragraph remain on the copy.  Any posting or
 reposting on a website, other than the archive or Dejanews, or
 to a newsgroup requires my permission first (but I'll probably say
 yes). This story should not, under any circumstances be used to make
 a profit by anyone other than the author.

======================================================================
=
Goodbye Columbus (A Fantasy Train Story)
Part Four

by Vickie Morgan


I was shaken awake some time later.  The first thing I became aware of
was a splitting headache, the next was that three worried faces
looking down at me.

"Well, she's awake," Janey observed.  "Vickie, do you know where the
leprechaun is?  No one can find him."

"He's sleeping," I muttered.  "Lucky bastard."

"But he's supposed to be driving the train," Shon observed, far too
loudly in my opinion.

"Don't worry about that, you don't exist anymore so it doesn't
matter," I said, trying to reassure them.

"What?" Janey asked.

"You're American, no Americans exist any more, so you don't have to
worry about anything."

"What is she talking about?"  Maria asked.  "Why don't Americans
exist?"

"Is that what she said?  I couldn't really understand what she was
saying?" Shon said.

"Well, I'm listening to her in Spanish, and my Name Tag is translating
for me," Maria explained.  "But I don't see why you can't understand
her.  Surely she is speaking English?"

"She has this accent, though," Shon said.

"But surely the Name Tag thingy should still be translating for her,"
Maria asked.

"You would think so, wouldn't you?" Janey said thoughtfully.  "Or
maybe it can be altered so that it translates Yorkshire to American.
Let me take a look at it."

"Careful, Janey, it's complicated technology, not like tinkering with
the wiring at your in-laws' place."

"I know, I know.  Yeah, look at this, it's got half the languages
turned off.  This will only take a second to fix.  There you go.  Now
Vickie, what's this about Americans not existing?"

"Leave me alone, my head hurts," I protested.  "It's too late, me and
Louie persuaded Columbus to turn back and not discover America."

"Well, I understood the words she said, but it still doesn't make
sense.  She seems to be drunk or doped or something" Shon said.

"You don't think she's serious, do you?" Maria asked.

"Why would Vickie and Louie want to get rid of all Americans?" Janey
asked.  "They must have had some reason.  Vickie, why would you do
that?

"Leave me alone," I grumbled.  "I can't remember.  There was some
reason.  After all, why not?"

"I think we're going to have to try to reason with her," Janey
observed.  "Which isn't going to be easy considering the state she's
in."

"Maybe if we remind her of all the great things Americans have done,
she'll change her mind about obliterating us all," Shone suggested.

"Like what?" Maria asked.

"I don't know?  Think!" Janey snapped.  "How about the moon landing?
Vickie, pay attention.  If you get rid of all Americans, many
wonderful things will disappear too.  Just think, Americans put a man
on the moon!"

"Yeah maybe," I muttered.  "Lots of people think it was faked.  And
anyway, if the Americans hadn't got there first, the Russians would
have got there soon enough."

"Great," Shon exclaimed.  "Come on Maria, you're not American.  What's
the best thing Americans have ever produced?"

"Well, there's my husband," Maria suggested, giggling.  "Other than
that, I don't know.  Hollywood?"

"Hollywood?" Shon echoed.  "It's worth a try.  Vickie!" he gave me a
shake.  "If you destroy all Americans, then there will be no
Hollywood, no great films.  No 'Star Wars', no 'Batman', no 'Gone With
the Wind'."

"No 'Star Wars'," I echoed, sitting up faster than was advisable with
my aching head.  "No Hans Solo?"  I took a deep breath to calm myself
down.  "No Harrison Ford?"

"That's right, no Harrison Ford.  He's American.  You don't want to
get rid of Harrison Ford, do you?" Shon asked

"No, no," I told him, trying to get my head together.  "No, no, no.
Oh hell, what am I going to do?"

"Hey look," Maria called, pulling her head back inside after looking
out the window.  "We seem to be hovering over an ocean.  Shame we
haven't got a bucket.  We could throw some water over Vickie, that
might sober her up."

"Hmm," Janey said thoughtfully.  "That's a good idea.  If the mountain
can't come to Mohammed, then Mohammed must go to the mountain."

"Uh, what?" Shon asked intelligently.  "Have you been drinking the
same stuff as Vickie?"

"No.  Look, help me up with her."  Janey and Shon hauled me to my feet
and dragged me over to the window.  They somehow manhandled me out of
the window, and dropped me, only retaining their grip on my ankles.
My gown slithered up, or down depending on your perspective, gathering
around my armpits.  The cold air alerted me a little to what was
happening, and I looked up in time to see Maria place her hands over
Shon's eyes.

"No peeking," she told him.

"Spoilsport," Shon sighed.  I gave her a grateful smile, before making
the mistake of letting my head drop back.  The next moment I was
engulfed by cold, salty water.

They dragged me back inside, wet but much more aware of what was going
on.

"Can you explain what you mean by Americans not existing any more
now?" Janey asked.

"That complete toe-rag Louie got me plastered, then threw a load of
Fairie Dust on me and when I was off my head, he somehow talked me
into going and persuading Columbus to not discover America.  I think
he's still miffed with Shon."

"But why did you go along?"  Maria asked.

"I don't know," I admitted.  "I was lonely, and fed up because no one
could understand me, and with all the stuff he gave me I couldn't
think straight."

"No one could understand you because your Name Tag was set to the
wrong base language," Janey told me.  "Louie must have done that.  The
question now is, what do we do to sort things out.  I don't want to
get home and find that America, as I know it, no longer exists."

"OK, give me a moment," I pleaded, holding my aching head.  "Do you
want to see if that food machine can produce some painkillers for me?"

"Here, I have some here," Maria offered, digging in a pocket.  I
gratefully swallowed them and tried to get my brain working again.

"I take it we haven't moved?" I asked, taking a quick look out of the
window.  Sure enough, Columbus' ships were still besides us, but now
they were heading in the opposite direction.  I took a quick survey of
the settings for the transporter and saw that they were still set for
Columbus' cabin.  And a look at the monitor showed that Columbus was
still asleep.

"OK, I have a plan, but I need your help," I said.

"If it fixes things, I'm willing to help," Shon replied, and the other
two quickly agreed.  I rummaged around in Louie's cupboards until I
found a couple of white gowns like mine that would fit Maria and
Janey.  I gave Janey a wig of bright red hair, and Maria a wig with
blue hair.  I also asked them to wear every piece of jewellery I could
lay my hands on.  Most of it was costume jewellery, but it looked real
enough.

"I'm going to look like a cross between a Greek goddess and a disco
queen," Janey giggled.

"OK, face that wall while they get changed," I ordered Shon.

Shon waited until both Janey and Maria were half-naked before
observing that he could clearly see them reflected in the shiny metal
wall.  Grinding my teeth in annoyance, I realised that Louie had
watched me the entire time I had changed.

When they were ready and looking suitably exotic, I showed Maria and
Janey where to stand and Shon exactly which lever to push.  Then I
pushed the button on my transporter device, and found myself back in
Columbus' cabin.

I needed him awake, and since I wasn't particularly fond of him I used
the simplest method of throwing a glass of cold water over his groin.
When he had spluttered awake, I was curled up on the end of his bed.

"Good morning," I observed brightly, thinking he looked as awful as I
felt.  "I have to be going now, but I thought I'd say goodbye and
thank you first."

"I thought you'd already gone," he mumbled.  "You said we'd meet up
again on the dock when I land."

"Oh right, yes, of course," I said, trying to look as shifty as
possible.  "Well thanks for everything, especially turning your ship
around."

"Hang on, why are you thanking me for turning the ship around?" he
asked, eyeing me suspiciously.  "I thought I was avoiding some great
danger."

"You were.  I mean you are," I replied, trying to look stupid and
devious at the same time.  He sat up in bed and grabbed me by my
throat.

"I want to know exactly what this danger was, right now," he said,
looking mean.

"Well, if you must know," I explained as best I could while being half
throttled, "the danger wasn't to you, it was to us.  We all live
together quite happily in the land across the sea, but then we heard
that you were on your way.  To be quite honest, we just didn't want to
share the bounty of our land with anyone.  So I was sent to try to put
you off, since I'm the ugliest woman in our land.  And I fed you all
our most disgusting food, again to put you off.  But you didn't seem
to find the food or me repulsive, so I had to try something else.  And
it's worked!"

"I don't know if you're lying now, or you were lying last night," he
grumbled, letting go of me.  I quickly moved out of his reach.

"Well I don't mind what you believe, just so long as you keep going in
the direction you are headed," I told him.  "My sisters will be
arriving any moment to take me home."

"Is there any gold in this land of yours," he asked.

"Gold, what's that?" I asked, just as Maria and Janey arrived.  He
stared at them in shock.

"That's gold, all that jewellery they are wearing," he stuttered, his
eyes bulging with greed.

"This," Janey asked, lifting one of the necklaces draped about her
person.  "This stuff is just laying around on the ground everywhere.
It's quite pretty though, don't you think?"

Columbus was lost for words as I stepped close to Maria and Janey, and
signalled Shon to transport us back to the Fantasy Train.  We hardly
had chance to step off the transporter platform before Shon was
gleefully informing us that Columbus' ship was turning around.

"Right, now where's that bloody leprechaun?" I demanded, yanking open
cupboard doors until I located the one that concealed the snoring
Louie.  I yanked him out and I was dangling him out of the window
before he had time to wake up.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't drop you out here and leave
you for shark bait after the way you set me up?" I asked menacingly.

"You need me to drive the train," he cried, not even bothering to deny
what he had done.

"Wrong," I informed him.  "I've had all night to read the manuals, and
I know how most of it works.  I might not have your magic powers, but
I'm confident I can get us home."

"What manuals?" he asked.

"Typical male, you hadn't even bothered looking at them," I said,
giving him a shake.  "If you ever, ever try to pull a trick like that
on me again, or on anyone else on this train, I will find out and I
will make you suffer in ways you can't even begin to imagine.  Do you
understand me?"

"Yes," he whimpered.  I dragged him back inside and dropped him on the
floor.

"You owe me big time," I told him.  "Now I'm going to bed to sleep off
this hangover.  If anyone wakes me, I'll hold you responsible Louie,
OK?  Oh, and Louie?  If you look out the window you will see that
Columbus is back on his old heading.  Don't even think of interfering
with him again."

I left Louie staring out the window at Columbus' ship in a mixture of
disbelief and amazement, and went to find my cabin.  I imagined that
by the time Janey, Maria and Shon had finished telling him exactly
what they thought of him, he would be feeling a good deal sorrier for
himself.

I quickly fell asleep in my surprisingly comfortable bed, and didn't
wake up until Janey shook me awake.  I sat up to find her offering me
a bacon and fried egg sandwich, while on a TV in the corner 'The Big
Breakfast' was playing with the volume on low.

"We thought we'd try to make you feel more at home," Janey explained.
"We would have made you a full English breakfast, except that it's
actually evening.  You slept all day.  Someone suggested making chilli
con carne, so everyone got their recipes out and they're having a
cooking competition.  You're missing all the fun. Homer has nearly
managed to convince Souvie that the right combination of cilantro and
habanero will cause contraceptive failure, Lisela is running around
trying to get all the recipes written down, and Maria and Greybeard
are already arguing about the correct amount of seasonings. You've
just got time for a shower before the first one should be ready.  So
hurry up!"

"No problem," I said, swinging my legs out of bed.  "I'm a quick
dresser.  Hey, can we make Louie eat the hottest one?"

"You bet," Janey said, laughing.  "I'll hold him and you can feed
him."

I took a bite out of my sandwich and thought that this trip might be
fun after all.

Copyright Vickie Morgan, 1999
E-mail artemis55@hotmail.com

This story is distributed free of charge for your entertainment. It
does take quite a lot of time and effort to write, type, edit and post
a story, especially a long one like this.  All I ask is that you take
a couple of minutes to e-mail me, let me know that you've read this
and perhaps give some reaction. Thank you.

-- 
If you enjoyed this work, take a moment to email the author.  Your comments
are their only payment.  Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is
copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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