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Subject: Re: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 318 - March 7, 1999
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Celestial Reviews 318 – March 7, 1999
Note: (humor, ped, groc, bagboy, cuke?) A lady is shopping in a supermarket
when she notices a handsome, muscular boy doing the bagging at one of the
checkouts.
Making sure she goes through his line, she leans over and asks if he'll carry
her groceries out. He smiles a sultry smile and responds, "Sure, lady".
They no sooner get out of the store when she again leans over and whispers,
"You know, I have an Itchy Pussy."
The boy replies, "You'll have to point it out to me, lady! All those Japanese
cars look alike to me!"
Second note: (humor, bang, cherry, Ark, cuke?) After having their 10th child,
an Arkansas couple decided that eight was enough. So the husband went to his
doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more
children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy
that could fix the problem, but the man did not have adequate medical
insurance. So the doctor told the man to go home, get a cherry bomb, light
the fuse, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
When the man repeated this to his wife, she said, "I may not be the smartest
woman in this state, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next
to your ear is going to stop us from having kids." She added that Oprah had
recently recommended getting a second opinion before making important medical
decisions.
So the couple drove to Missouri to get a second opinion. The doctor was just
about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they
were from Arkansas and did not have adequate medical insurance. So this
second doctor also told the man to go home, get a cherry bomb, light the fuse,
put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
Figuring that both doctors couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry
bomb and put it in a can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count.
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5...", at which point he paused, placed the can between his legs
and resumed counting on his other hand.
Third Note: It disturbs me that EZ Riter has accused me in a.s.s.d. of being
"dishonest" in my review of his "Ballbuster" story. I normally ignore
criticism, but this accusation of dishonesty seriously annoyed me; and so I am
taking the time to write this response.
{If you view this response as abrasive, you should see the reply I started to
write but threw away.}
EZ's main point with regard to "dishonesty" seems to be that I "didn't even
read the story." I think he considers the following paragraph from my review
to be the main "proof" that I did not read the story:
<<Have you ever seen that Robert Redford movie called "The Horse Whisperer,"
where the guy tames even the wildest of horses without laying a violent hand
on them. Well, our narrator does NOT use that method. He whips Ellen into
shape, and she likes it. He makes her the happiest, sexiest woman in the
world by saying that he will marry her and spank her whenever he thinks she
needs it. The whip and the chain with which he leads her around the house are
merely symbolic of the love he must demonstrate by keeping her in her place.
Or something like that.>>
His proof, as I understand it, is that I am stupidly saying that the man
"whips" the woman - but he doesn't even own a whip! Now, when I say the man
"whips Ellen into shape, and she likes it," I think I was using a valid
metaphor. The statement is legitimate, even if the man doesn't use a literal
whip. {A football coach could be said to "whip his team into shape" if he made
serious attempts to get them to do things his way, even without using a whip.}
Likewise, contrasting the protagonist's method to Redford's method seems
valid: certainly the guy is relying on punitive strategies that are comparable
to traditional horse breaking rather than the Horse Whisperer's approach of
establishing meaningful communication.
This leaves as the evidence of my "dishonesty" this sentence "The whip and the
chain with which he leads her around the house are merely symbolic of the love
he must demonstrate by keeping her in her place."
As I look at the story again, I find this important passage:
<<"Do you really plan to bind me with these things?"
"Occasionally, for fun. Sometimes, if you need it. Primarily, they're
symbolic."
"Do you plan to spank me?" Her voice caught on "spank," as if the word hurt
coming out.
"Yes, every time I think you need it. It will not be symbolic. It will be
real.">>
So the only inaccuracy is my use of the word "whip." At the present time, I'll
grant that I was inaccurate in using this word, but I honestly don't see how
it makes a major difference. In other words, would my critique have been on
target if the protagonist would have used a whip? I think a guy who uses a
whip on his wife is an asshole, but that does happen in stories comparable to
this one. I may be missing a subtlety here – and if I am, I am not sure
whether it's because I am a bad reader or the author is a bad writer; but my
impression is that had the guy used a whip to show his "love" for his future
wife {in order to make her subservient for her own good}, I think this would
have been in keeping with the character as EZ has developed it.
Nevertheless, I agree that there was no whip in this story. But there is a
difference between incompetence (faulty memory) and dishonesty. Let me tell
you how I think I made the mistake. Earlier in the story, we had this
passage: "She shivered when I stopped to examine their display of whips {in
the bondage shop}. She was visibly relieved when all I purchased was a basic
bondage set and a collar and leash." {Technically, this does not exclude the
purchase of a whip. As far as I know, a whip could be part of a "basic bondage
set." It's possible that the woman could be relieved that he's purchasing a
standard, small whip that comes with the basic set instead of one of the big
mothers he had been sizing up. I'm not sure that the author has a right to
assume that everyone knows the components of a "basic bondage set."}
When I wrote my review, I did so after I finished the story. I wrote most of
it from my memory of what I had read. In my memory I knew that whips had been
mentioned, that the guy planned sometimes to lead the woman around by a leash,
and that he planned to spank her when he thought she deserved it. I mistakenly
inserted the whip into a place where it did not belong. I imagine part of the
reason I did not go back to check more carefully was that I thought it was a
weak story that was not worth a lot more time.
Here are three points I want to make about the story:
(1) After a careful rereading, the woman's transition from bitch to slave
still appears to me to be nonsensical. This is my opinion, of course; but I
simply did not see how BASED ON ANYTHING CONTAINED IN THE STORY a person like
the one described at the beginning of this story would have been transformed
into the eager sex slave we see at the end of the story. One common
explanation for such a transition is that it is "normal" for women to act this
way, but that position is not held by any reputable psychologist I have ever
heard of, and it seems reasonable that some of the readers of this story
(including myself) might be swayed by commonsense and by competent
psychological opinions. As I reread the story, I noticed that this harsh
treatment of the lover is NOT presented as a "sex game"; the sex slavery is
described as a proposed way of life for the couple. Every single psychologist
with whom I am familiar would consider a woman who wanted to be treated like
this to have serious emotional problems. {In the Catholic Church, a couple
entering a marriage with the attitudes of this man and woman would have
grounds for an almost automatic annulment. Really. And they don't give
annulments all that easily anymore.}
(2) I am not saying that the author is "sick" or anything like that. If the
author actually lives this way or wants to treat his lover like this, I think
he would be happier if he would seek counseling. My assumption is that the
author is trying either to (a) relate a sex fantasy that could be perceived as
sexy even by people who do not engage in it, or (b) give a clinical
description of two critically dysfunctional people. I suspect that (a) is his
intention. I have a right to say that this is a really crappy fantasy without
being accused of "dishonesty."
(3) In real life any responsible counselor would advise a woman NOT to enter a
sexual relationship with a person who would treat her this way. What the man
is proposing is called sexual abuse. Men who do engage in such behavior often
suffer severe financial penalties when they are subsequently sued for divorce
on the basis of physical and emotional cruelty. If their partners are willing
to press charges and if the behavior can be proven to have occurred, they can
also go to prison. {If Bill Clinton could have been shown to have done what
the protagonist did in this story instead of getting blowjobs from a willing
partner, he would have been in much deeper trouble.} This in itself does NOT
make this a bad story: it is possible to write a good story about
dysfunctional and illegal behaviors. {As I stated in the original review,
Edgar Allan Poe is an example of an author who effectively does so. I
apologize for spelling Poe's middle name wrong in my original review. EZ's
picking on this was a déjà vu experience for me: one of the worst teachers I
ever had once lowered my grade for making that same error in what was
otherwise a well written exam answer. I have subsequently engaged in fantasies
involving that teacher that make this story look really tame. I have no idea
why EZ bothered to bring that misspelling up, except perhaps as evidence that
I am ignorant, and it wasn't very good evidence.} I am pointing this out here
because it sometimes seems logical to relate fictional behavior to reality.
I'm sorry I put the whip where it did not belong. Other than that, my
evaluation of the story stands. I don't think it's a very good story, and I
think the author would use his time better by trying to write more effectively
instead of accusing me of dishonesty for an honest review that happened to
annoy him.
Let me conclude by saying that I do NOT "have it in for EZ" as an author. I am
pissed at him for describing my review as "dishonest," and that accounts for
my abrasive tone in this rejoinder. I have given several of his other stories
relatively low ratings (but far from the lowest I have ever given), and I
suspect that these low ratings occurred because of problems similar to those I
saw in "Ballbuster." On the other hand, I have give very high ratings to two
of his stories ("Dealing with a Bastard" and "Bound and Helpless"). Also note
that I have given extremely high ratings to relatively harsh bondage stories
that I have found to be well written (examples include Delta's "Whipping Post"
and several stories by Deirdre) and even sex slavery (e.g., Cobalt Jade's "Box
Office," OddManOut's "Birthday Present," and several stories by Tom Bombadil).
I personally enjoy romantic and adventurous lovemaking, and I am not
interested in participating in hurtful bondage or degrading forms of sex
slavery; but I am capable of enjoying stories on these topics when they are
well written. An author should be capable of accepting an opinion that a
story fell short without labeling this criticism as "dishonest."
Fourth note: I noticed this message from Malinov on a.s.s.d., which I quote
here with his permission:
***
> It seems many readers are like Malinov in that they want the entire story to
{as opposed to serialized segments} be available before they read it.
I want more than that. I have no trouble waiting for the next installment, but
I demand a cohesive work of artistry. When the first chapter has been fixed
before the last chapter is finished, the kind of interweavings that I expect
from fiction are invariably missing. It's not impossible to write a
worthwhile piece serially, but I'm too prejudiced against the form to even
bother.
I believe that the beginning should reflect the ending. Each part should
express the whole. Serial writing just won't cut it, for me.
Malinov
***
I want to express my whole-hearted agreement with Malinov. I find it hard to
believe that most good writers would want to release the first part of their
story before the final part is finished. It just seems natural that something
yet to be written in a later installment might necessitate adjustments in the
earlier installments.
My experience is that serial stories are not worth reviewing, largely because
some of them just plain don't get finished at all. In addition, even when
they do get finished, they are usually not as well written as the ones that
burst upon us fully written.
There are some exceptions. First, some authors {notably Friar Dave}
apparently write the whole story and then post it in 8 or 9 separate parts.
There's nothing at all wrong with this. In fact, it builds anticipation.
Second, some authors write stories whose component parts are self-contained
stories. Some of the works of Mark Aster and Uther Pendragon are good
examples. This also works fine.
Third, one of the best action/sex stories I have ever reviewed {"Tie Fighter"
by Walter Slaven} is still not finished and probably never will be. If the
author followed my rules, I suppose I would never have seen as much of the
story as I have already enjoyed.
Fourth, some authors just flat-out break my rule and write good stories
anyway. Santo Romeo's "Martha Jane" is probably the best example. When I
first reviewed that story in CR 18, I was furious and dumped all over the
author for posting a story that just ended in the middle of nowhere. The
author eventually finished the story, and it was outstanding. I must add,
however, that had the author followed my rule and written the whole story
first, it would almost certainly have been an even better story – because he
would have been able to go back and adjust earlier parts to coordinate them
with later parts. Of course, Santo would reply that he would never have
bothered to finish the story had he not received so much positive feedback
from readers of the earlier chapters.
I still stand by my advice: Finish the whole story and let it rattle around in
your head for a while. Set it aside and reread it, or show it to someone else.
When you have made enough revisions to say that you have a complete story,
THEN post it.
=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================
"Want Milk?" by Sad" (sexy lactation) 4, 8, 7
"Renewed" by Miss Behavin' (romance) 9, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=403689141
"Quiet Please" by JT (library sex) 9.5, 9.5, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=450691119
"The Last Resort" by Richard Rivers (vacation sex) 9, 7, 7
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=450085048
"Pretty Pleas" by Adrian Hunter (chaotic bdsm) 9, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=451411275
"David's Toy" by Chadburn Woolenside (sex slavery) 9, 5, 4
"Freshly Fucked Glow" by Leanna (party passion) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=451255186
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Confrontation" by MD James (femdom humiliation)
Emperor: 10, 7, 1
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435556667
"Growing Pains" by Gold Leader Celeb (sitcom parody)
BillyG: 9, 5, 6
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
* "The Off Season" by Cobalt Jade (risky sex) 10, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237987135
* "Bonnie" by Friar Dave (romantic hedonism) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=356188330 01
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=356188332 02
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=356935568 03a
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357168922 03b
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357168926 04a
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357829243 04b
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358324797 05
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359181379 06
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358993351 07a
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359344017 07b
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359679735 08
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=360531876 09
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=360969686 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=361229088 11
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=361888231 12
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=362435682 13
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=362680031 14
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363029691 15
=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================
"Want Milk?" by Sad" (sad11@hotmail.com)
This story is a quickie. If it were well written, it would be in a class with
the short snippets that Dulcinea used to post.
Here's how the story starts:
"Sitting watching your wife feeding the baby, as it pumps on her nipple,
drinking the milk that you know is there.
Jealous at the thought that your son is getting it all you tell your wife to
leave some for later and take your son from her arms. You tell her to stay as
she is, you go and but baby into his playben."
Am I missing something here? Wouldn't it have been better to have said:
"He sat and watched his wife feeding the baby, as it pumped on her nipple,
drinking the milk that he knew was there.
Jealous at the thought that his son was getting it all, he suggested that she
leave some for later. He took their son from her arms. "Stay as you are," he
said, as he put the baby into the playpen."
Or maybe this:
"He sat and watched me feeding the baby, as it pumped on my nipple, drinking
the milk that he knew was there.
Jealous at the thought that his son was getting it all, he suggested that I
leave some for later. He took our son from my arms. "Stay as you are," he
said, as he put the baby into the playpen."
I'll grant that the above opening could be improved "even more," but I have
deliberately tried to keep the revision close to the original.
This story is a wonderful example of a good story that has been flushed down
the toilet because the author just decided not to do it right. It's possible
that this author is a dyslexic genius who speaks English as his seventh
language and is possessed by an inner child who speaks only in soliloquies to
an invisible playmate. But otherwise, if a writer is going to publish
something, why would he want to make something with so much potential look so
bad? I mean, the purpose of posting something in public is to express one's
thoughts in a way that someone else might care and possibly to bring enjoyment
to that person, isn't it? Why not proofread the damned thing? Why not write
it from a perspective that best enables someone else to enjoy it?
I feel an urge to grab this author, throw him against the wall, and scream:
"You have good ideas! Why don't you take the time to express them properly?"
However, as the saying goes, "You can open more flies with honey than with
vinegar." So instead, I want this author to imagine himself with my arms
wrapped gently around him, while he nuzzles up against my left breast and he
fondles the right with his own left hand, as the taste of my milk drips
smoothly onto his taste buds, and I whisper in his ear, "You're going to have
to keep doing that every day until you learn to write properly." Then again,
that might not work either.
Ratings for "Want Milk?"
Athena (technical quality): 4
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Renewed" by Miss Behavin' (MissBehavin@sprint.ca)
website: http://missbehavin.pair.com
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=403689141
Alexandria is a cop and Jonathon is an assistant DA who is assigned to work
with her on a case. They used to be lovers. They separated when he went to
law school and she to the police academy. Now they renew their acquaintance.
Alexandria's feelings are best summarized by the words of a song by Diamond
Rio, which is quoted in the story:
"And I bless the day I met you
And I thank God that he let you
Lay beside me for a moment that lives on
And the good news is I'm better
For the time we spent together
And the bad news is -- you're gone"
They never do get around to the police work that brought them together, but
they have a very sexy time indeed. This is an excellent, romantic story.
Ratings for "Renewed"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Quiet Please" by JT (trekkerjt@aol.com)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=450691119
There are two ways to look at this story. First, you could regard it as an
extremely improbable story about a really hot quickie between two women.
Second, you could regard it as an extremely simple story about an ordinary
event that probably takes place daily in hundreds or even thousands of
libraries throughout the United States. A woman comes looking for a book –
literally. What I meant to say was that a woman asks a librarian for help
finding a book and then the two have hot sex very quickly right there among
the stacks.
Either way you look at it, this is a very hot story!
Ratings for "Quiet Please"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Last Resort" by Richard Rivers (r_rivers@cryogen.com)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=450085048
Nearing forty, Our Hero is at the age where he is becoming invisible to young,
beautiful women. Even worse, when he drops his sunglasses over the side of his
hotel balcony and the two young ladies from the lower floor stop by to return
them to him, one of them comments that he reminds her of her father.
The good news is that when things get really low, the only way to go is up.
And that's exactly what happens when one of the young girls notices him eyeing
up the other's cute little ass and says: "It does that to me sometimes too, to
look at her. I mean, I'm not gay or anything like that, but sometimes I think
I can see what a man sees when I look at her, you know, see what he likes
about her." Since he doesn't seem to understand, the two girls give him a
hands-on demonstration.
The general plot reminded me a lot of something Mark Aster might have written
about the Allen Sisters, but this one isn't quite as hot. However, it's still
a nice little story.
Ratings for "The Last Resort"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Pretty Pleas" by Adrian Hunter (begonespam@aol.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=451411275
Now, isn't this ironic! I begin this issue with a "note" in which I defend
myself for picking on a bondage story. Then I come to this story and check my
database for stories by this same author. Four of his stories have been
reviewed in CR - two by me and two by guest reviewers ; and they're all about
some form of bdsm or torture. Now here's the kicker: the two highest ratings
are MINE. I think this is because my mind and this author's warp in the same
direction.
As the title suggests, this story is going to contain some puns. Get it? The
title could be a misspelling of "Pretty please" {as when someone is begging}
or a correct spelling of "Pleas that are attractive. In other words, the
author uses Richard Lederer's Anguish Languish {English Language} to enhance
his story. When you combine Anguish Languish with an urge to rival T.S. Eliot
by making allusions to everything under the sun and changing topics more often
than blonde cheerleaders change their underwear, what you get is chaos. But a
nice version of chaos. Pandemonium. Anarchy. Almost poetic confusion.
My first impression was, "What the hell is he talking about?"
My second impression was, "What the hell is he talking about?"
Eventually, I realized that the author's goal was to make me say to myself,
"What the hell is he talking about?"
As a follow-up to last week's discussion, I might point out that "consensual
rape" actually IS an oxymoron. As is "pleasurable torture." For your final
exam, I'll let you decide about "Loser tops."
The story is about kinky lawyers in love – sort of an oxymoronic redundancy.
The author summarizes the plot nicely: "The lead dog on the D.A.'s sled does
not consort with a public defender. Especially in a city with competing
tabloids. He marveled at their luck to date. Of course, they knew all the
tricks. Never seen in public. The hotel drill. A new Hotmail account every few
days...he tended toward scientific names for reptiles, she used whatever
variation of "bitch" the system barfed up for her. Scowls and snarls in the
hall. People simply presumed they were mortal enemies. Which they were, in a
sense. But it was so much easier to run the prison camp this way."
Ratings for "Pretty Pleas"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"David's Toy" by Dudley Chadburn Woolenside (DickRacy@netscape.net)
Sometimes I think my main function on this newsgroup is to help authors
differentiate between aureoles and areolas. An aureole is essentially a halo.
Like the glow that surrounds the heads of the saints in sacred portraits or
the bodies of the models in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. An areola
is the dark area that surrounds the nipple on a human body. It really is
worth knowing the difference. I remember back in the sixth grade when one of
the boys in my class got whacked on the side of his head for innocently
mumbling, "Nice areola!" to a nun who exuded the odor of sanctity as she
passed him in the hall.
I guess you'll like this story better if you are one of those people who can
imagine that sexy women with real personalities get immensely turned on by
doing exactly what their "masters" order them to do. What can I say? I'm an
outsider looking in. I know "Gone with the Wind" is supposed to be a great
movie, but I still have trouble believing the slaves REALLY had that swell a
time getting whipped by their masters and having chilluns that could be sold
for profit.
"Oh", she thought, "I'm pleasing him. How will he take
me? Will he make me surrender myself to self pleasuring?"
I don't want to pick on this author. He's reciting a ritualistic tale from a
culture of submissiveness that is alien to me. If the author wanted to
communicate emotions from this culture to the general public, I think he has
failed. On the other hand, if his goal was to stimulate people who buy into
this ritual, perhaps he has been successful. I wouldn't know.
Ratings for "David's Toy"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
"Freshly Fucked Glow" by Leanna (leanna1@hotmail.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=451255186
If I may belabor a vocabulary point - the glow mentioned in the title would
qualify as an aureole. The areas around the protagonist's nipples, stimulated
first by the British lover and then by the hostess of the house, are areolas.
It is rare to find an example of both in the same story – outside Butler's
Lives of the Saints, which is not nearly as interesting as this story. If
you're interested in "Butler's Lives of the Saints," try reading "Angela's
Ashes," which does mention the sex lives of a couple saints in an interesting
context, but doesn’t use either of the A-words.
In this story the narrator is a woman who arrives at a party after it is in
full swing. She meets her current fling at the party, and they can't wait to
get their hands and other body parts on each other. Unbeknownst to the male
lover, the narrator lets Abby (the hostess) watch the very hot emboinkment.
After the narrator and her lover do the deed quickly but hotly, Abby is so
turned on that she forthwith escorts our narrator to the main bedroom for some
equally hot ff activity. That's the basic plot, but Leanna tells it much
better. I strongly recommend this story.
I don't want to keep on fucking a pregnant cow (i.e., beating a dead horse),
but I'd like to make a comparison between this story and the sex slavery
stories to which I have given negative reviews in this issue of CR. I want to
clarify why my rejection of these other stories is not merely a matter of
idiosyncratic real-life sexual preference.
In Real Life, I would not actually engage in the activities described in
either this story, "David's Toy," or "Ballbuster." I say this without making
any moral judgment about people who WOULD engage. If my teenage daughter came
to me after reading any one of these three stories and said, "Mom, I just read
this story and think I'd like to adopt this lifestyle," I would feel obligated
to have a serious heart-to-heart discussion with her.
On the other hand, I myself DID actually enjoy the fantasies expressed in the
present story, whereas I found those in the other two to lie somewhere between
silly and a turn-off.
If my teenage daughter came to me after reading Leanna's story and said, "Mom,
this is really hot stuff!" I would {of course} remind her that the disclaimer
told her not to read it {because she is too young} and then agree that yes,
indeed, it was hot stuff. If I thought that she was any more likely to
actually engage in this behavior than she was to engage in any of the other
far-fetched but harmless fantasies she sees on TV, I would probably feel
obliged to discuss her value system with her {just as I would if she became
possessed by a sudden urge to "terminate" her teachers, because they might be
aliens}.
If my daughter came to me after reading one of the sex slavery stories and
said, "Mom, this is really hot stuff!" I would skip the agreement and
disclaimers and go directly to a discussion of her value system. I would ask
her if she REALLY thought would be desirable to lose her own personality and
become deeply subservient to someone else's selfish wishes. This is the same
way I would react if she came after watching "Schindler's List" and said,
"God! It would be fun to gas some Jews!"
So what I am saying is that at one level it is reasonable that "Real Life" and
"value systems" interact with a sensible discussion of fiction.
In addition, it is reasonable to expect people writing from one worldview or
value system to either (1) restrict their audience to others who already
adhere to that same perspective on life or (2) write in such a way as to make
sense to people outside that viewpoint. If a gay author wants to write only
for gay audiences, a Catholic author only for Catholic audiences, or a bdsm
author only for bdsm enthusiasts, they have a right to do this. However, they
should probably acknowledge that their audience is very limited and that
people with whom they are not even trying to communicate may be repulsed or
bewildered by their writing. On the other hand, if an author in any of these
categories wants to appeal to persons from a wider range of worldviews or
value systems, then the author has a responsibility to bear a major part of
the burden to make the story understandable and attractive to that wider
audience.
My personal opinion is that Leanna has accomplished this goal, whereas the
other two authors have not. My advice is that these authors should not act
upset at people who point out that they have failed to appeal to the wider
audience, but rather should look at what it is about the story that causes
this apparent failure. A person writing about what a great idea it is to gas
some Jews, to rape a nephew, or to express "love" by making another person
subservient to one's own selfish wishes might reasonably discover that there
is something inherently wrong with that worldview or value system. On the
other hand, the author might either clarify that worldview or value system and
express it more clearly, so that people like myself who are initially outside
that perspective can see what it is that the author thinks is so neat about
what is happening in the story. For example, the author might want to reply,
"Selfish!? This lover isn't selfish!" An author who responds that way should
possibly consider revising the story so that people who don't already buy into
his value system might be able to view the activity as unselfish."
I don't mean to suggest that Leanna wrote her story to demonstrate my point or
even that she agrees with what I have said here. What I really meant to say
was that this is an exceptionally good story, and I recommend it strongly.
Ratings for "Freshly Fucked Glow"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Confrontation" by MD James (d2beast@nospamaol.com).
Guest review by Iron Emperor
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435556667
Oh, let's see what Celeste has sent me this time.
Well it's a new story by MD James. The story is coded as m/F, femdom, humil,
voy, and mast - most of them don't fall quite into my usual likings.
The story tells us of a guy at the age of eighteen who has just been dumped by
his girlfriend. They were going out for three years, but he was yet to have
fucked her, which is really the reason why he's feeling bad about being
dumped. I have to say that in real life if my girlfriend would dump after
three years I won't be sorry just for not having a chance to fuck her, but
after all this is a sex story. Our hero then goes into the woods behind his
house and sees a light in one of the windows of Susan King's house. What, you
haven't heard who Susan King is? She's the town's feminist. Anyway, he peeps
into her house and sees her in her bathrobe standing in her bedroom. He gets
closer; and suddenly she sheds her robe, removes her underwear, and after a
while goes to bed.
The protagonist goes home and masturbates thinking about her. To make a long
story short, after he spends a few weeks repeating his voyeurism, she catches
him red-eye under her window. What she does to him should be obvious from the
coding of the story.
I have to say that as far as I'm concerned this story just didn't make it. The
story is technically flawless, but lacks the sound of truth to it. The hero is
portrayed as a poor guy who's just been humiliated by the entire feminist side
of humanity. Well it was coded humil.
As for the numerical ratings:
Pandora (Story codes/Genre) : m/F, femdom, humil, voy, mast
Athena (Technical & Grammar): 10
Venus (Plot & Character) : 7
Emperor (Appeal to Me) : 1
"Growing Pains" by Gold Leader Celeb (Gold_Leader_Celeb@yahoo.com)
Guest Review by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com)
The appeal of "TV Growing Pains" hinges on the appeal of the situation.
In briefest summary, a college or post-college baby sitter tries to seduce the
entire Seaver family. Julie, the baby sitter, becomes sexual with 13-year-old
Ben and subsequently his older brother, Mike. In short order, Mrs. Seaver and
Julie become involved independently from the kids, thus parking the idea in
Julie's mind that she might be able to get it on with the entire family. As
yet seduced are Dr. Seaver and teen-aged Carol. Dr. Seaver's easy. Carol
doesn't enter the picture for reasons unclear.
The story is largely situational, characterized by two-dimensional, non-
substantive people who are all equally sex driven and round heeled. There's a
complete absence of seduction or tension in this story, but there's a rich
account of sexual play. Still, with no believable real-life quality to the
tale, it's too easy to fast-foward to the next adventure, hoping that it'll
get better. It doesn't.
Ratings for "TV Growing Pains"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 5
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 6
=====================
* Reposted Reviews:
=====================
* "The Off Season" by Cobalt Jade (cobaltjade@aol.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237987135
The guy and woman sneak into a closed amusement park, turn on the carousel,
and re-enact a fantasy from their earlier life together. I like the idea of
amusement park sex and enjoyed this story, but it was not as hot as I expected
it to be.
Ratings for "The Off Season"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Bonnie" by Friar Dave (Friar_Dave@mhbbs.com).
{See Links in Index.}
Dan has company for the weekend: his older but not-too-close cousin Mark,
Mark's sexy sister-in-law Kate, their three nubile and buxom teenage
daughters, and Kate's younger sister, the eponymous Bonnie.
Well, on Day One of the visit, Mark reveals to Dan that Kate is insatiable,
and he says that he'd like Dan to help out a bit in the bedroom. Dan, of
course, declines. Then Dan tells Kate that the 15-year-old daughter has been
making a play for him, and she promises to handle the situation. Meanwhile,
11-year-old Penny keeps asking innocent but precocious questions. All this
before our eponymous heroine has even arrived on the scene! The action heats
up after Bonnie's arrival. As the narrator says, "Broing!"
{I'm working on a Word for the Day program. As you may have guessed, the Word
for Today is "Legs." Spread the word!}
One could regard this story as a treatise on ways to deflate an aroused cock -
some using cold water and some using more interesting methods. One could also
regard this story as an example of semi-responsible hedonism. I wonder if
anyone has ever used that term before.
I like Friar Dave. I really do. But as I started reading this story, I
couldn't help saying to myself, "Aha! I've got him. This story is too
disjointed to earn straight 10's." But alas! He managed to pull it off.
That's the breaks, I guess. This is a really sexy story.
Ratings for "Bonnie"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
<end>
--
Uther Pendragon anon584c@nyx.net
Most Pendragon stories may be found:
http://www.fortunecity.com/victorian/austen/104/index.htm
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