Message-ID: <7331eli$9803282011@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
From: hairyelephant@a-vip.com (The Hairy Elephant)
Subject: {ASS} The Hairy Elephant Revooz II
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HELLO DUD3Z AND DUD3TT3Z WELCUM TO THE ULTIMATE REVOO COLUMM!!! I'VE WORKED
HARD THIS WEEK AND SO HERE'S A MONSTER SPURT OF REVOOZ!!!
Before tat I'd like to thank all the hot women who mailed me to say how wet
their panties were after reading last week's columm. I'm very sorry that
I can't manage personal replies but I'm gonna email you all an autographed
JPEG of my nine-incher just as soon as I find someone who can lend me a
digital camera.
I've seen sum folks trying to pass off that their matez write this columm.
YOU LUZERZ! It must be shitty knowin you suck and probably can't get wood
but I'm not gonna let you steel the creditz for mi hard wrk!
=============================================================================
STORY REVOO 3: **NEW** The Serving Hatch (nc gang)
by Spoonbender
Dean has it made. A sexy teen girlfriend whom he can persuade to do
anything. Hey, some of us just have this power. Shit loads of sexual
dynamism and nine inches of orgasms that will make every woman's cunt drool.
However, Dean is short of cash so he persuades his girlfriend to help him
stage a robbery. Wouldn't want to risk such a hot cunt on that kind of thing
myself but I guess Dean doesn't appreciate what's important in life. In the
course of the robbery the girl gets caught half-way through a serving hatch -
with her cute butt hanging on one side and her breasts on the other.
Then two men come along and fuck her. Then they hire out her cunt to lotsa
other guys. This is great for the girl, because she naturally cums like a
rocket time after time after time, but you have to feel sorry for the guys. I
mean, they don't even get to see her tits! And they must be real wimps to
have to resort to banging a girl like this, and some of them even have to pay
for it. Well, I guess all of us can't have a nine inch pleasure tower that
SENDS ANY WOMAN INTO ANOTHER GALAXY THE MOMENT I SLAM IT INTO HER!
Another problem with this story is that the girl spends ages describing Dean
but doesn't tell us anything about herself. Not even her bra-size!!!
And it's all over so quick too. I was really looking forward to the girl's
mother coming along and pounding into her with a two foot strap-on. And the
girl doesn't even get it up the ass either! I guess these men must all have
been clueless, or summat. Maybe that's why they need to pay for it.
And where was Dean during all this? I kept waiting for him to come along and
force his massive dong down his girlfriend's throat while anonymouse strangers
fuck her from behind, but he never does. A real disappointment.
And then there's the sad bits that nearly ruined my stonker. The girl is on
bad terms with her family. Hey, this is SO SAD, because if she keeps this up
the girl won't ever know the PLEASURE of her Farther REAMING HER ASS WITH HIS
TWELVE-INCH MONSTER COCK EVERY SINGLE NIGHT WHILE HER BROTHER SLAMS IN AND OUT
OF HER THROAT!
Maybe then the girl wouldn't want to be paid for it.
PETER METER
| / 65 degrees - semi-hard.
o| / Too many sad bits to maintain a solid erection;
| / reads lke some of the shit I have to read in my
|/ English classes.
|O
=============================================================================
STORY REVOO 4: The Sundial: the Hour of Beginnings (MF rom)*
by tcarvett@earthlink.net
I wish I'd been a Roman. Well, bet there wouldn't have been as much hot cunt
in Rome as I'm gettin here but I reckon it'd be fun to wear just one of those
togea things and chase cute girls wearing nothing but togeas through the
streets.
So I downlooded this story, even though the autor has mis-spelled "rome" in
tha title line.
This author is a real bastard, because there's nothing about romans in this
story at all. Fuck shit. Dumb author trying to trick me into reading his
stories by sayin there's things in them when there isn't. But I had to
reed this story through to find this, so I'm revooin it so you dudez won't
make the same mistake.
Turns out it's a real disappointing story. Hardly anyone gets POUNDED INTO
at all. Huh. Guess these weird cult pervs really don't know how to enjoy
themselves. Read my lips: WOMEN NEED IT SHOVED IN EM HARD AND LONG AND THICK
AND PUMPED FAST IF THEY'RE GONNA ENJOY THEMSELVES!!! Even breasts are hardly
mentioned. Instead there's lots of shitty description and story tht reads
like it was written by one of those authors we read at school. Pickens or
more likely that other wanker... Konan-Boil. Or whatever. The one who
wrote about that boring detective guy.
The author uses lots of made-up words like "mamaki" to try to look clever, and
mis-spells walk "wauke". Take about lame!
The plot... Anea is working on something. She keeps thinking about her
father, and this perked me up a bit but her old man never does give a good
anal hammering. In fact Anea doesn't even think of it! Talk about sad
women... And then there's a future husband who doesn't seem to have fucked
her yet - I mean how DUMB can this guy BE! How the fuck can he marry her
WITHOUT TESTING THE MERCHANDISE! For all he knows she could be a DUD!!!
But Anea is also dumb, so maybe they're made for each other. She wants to
impress him and for some reason this involves lassooing the sun. But when
the sun comes down Anea sees that he's got a mighty pole and naturally just
has to have it in her.
I faded out a bit after this, because the sex lasts for four lines. FOUR
LINES!!! We don't even get told anything about her breasts or how much she
SCREAMS AND SCREAMS AND SCREAMS as she cums around the sun's hot thick long
pleasure-sausage.
The story goes on, and later switches to equally limpness-inducing passages
about some sad religious cultists having sex on some island, but I got bored
and searched forward for the next occurance of "cum" but my browser wouldn't
find one.
PETER METER
| -80 degrees - limp
o| There's vitually no sex in this story at all; only
| a real pervert would get turned on by shit like
|\ this!
|O|
=============================================================================
STORY REVOO 5: RP: Pam's Passion MFF
After the last stry I needed something to perk me up and Pam's Passion was
plenty hot enough to raise my nine inches from it's slumber.
The story, like all the best, is simple. The narrtor and his wife Kris invite
their neighbore Pam around for a hot threesome. Pam is a natural at this
and is soon sucking cock and eating pussy like a pro.
Mind, the women must be a bit disappointed to only have one cock on hand,
because nobody gets it up the ass and Kris doesn't even have it slammed into
her cunt! In fact, the cock is only seven inches! And obscurely, Pam is
divorced... what kind of moron would divorce a hot woman like this?!???
PETER METER
| | 89 degrees - ROCK SOLID AND READY FOR ACTION!
o| | The hottest story I've revooed yet!
| |
|/
|O
=============================================================================
STORY REVOO 6: Ski Lodge(FF) by Asche
by AschePhnx <AschePhnx@aol.com>
Sarah lives half-way up a mountain. Clearly then she's missing her regular
GANG-BANGINGS with three or more STUDS! Unfortunately, no foot-long STUDS
get washed up at her cabin. Forunately, Jennifer does. Jennifer is one
FUCKING HOT twenty-year-old, and Sarah when saves her from getting frozen
they start kissing and undressing and -
AND THEN THE FUCKING STORY ENDS!!!
The author wants us to email him if we want him to write any more. HOW
GREEDY CAN YOU GET!!! I was really looking forward to the two women working
into a hot and sweaty 69 before three Mounties come in, drop their trousers
and BEAM THE GIRLS UP THREE RANDOM ORIFICES!!! And if there's any left, their
mooses could have satisfy them in the ultimate eight-some! But no, WE HAVE
TO ASK THE AUTHOR BEFORE HE'LL WRITE ANY OF THIS!
Why do authors do things like this?
PETER METER
| | 85 degrees - ROCK SOLID AND IN NEED OF RELEASE!
o| | We getting really hot then it stopped. I GOTTA
| | CUM!
|/
|O
=============================================================================
STORY REVOO 6: RP: Small Town Girl Mf
Wendy has a tragic life.
It's tragic because she doesn't go to the same school as me. If she did, she
can happily sit on my nine-inch (about ten-inch when I'm this hard!)
cunt-pleaser and not have to masturbate over MTV (MTV!) every day after
school. Because Wendy is one hotty 36C and only 15, and deserves more than
MTV and French literature.
Such as my cock.
But no, Wendy has to make do with her fantasies. After cumming once, she
takes off her panties and fantasizes on the way to by some tampons, but when
she gets there she instead fucks the pharmacist, whose marriage is dull.
Unfortunately, he doesn't give it her up the ass or call his mates round
to gang-bang her, or even use her to get his wife out of her shell, so Wendy is
still unfulfilled, but the story ends there. Pity, because there was so much
more potential.
Even so, this is still quit a good story. The author has put all the right
details in there (especially Wendy's measurements, although he forgets Mark's
cock-size). Oh, and there's a twist in the tail but you can stop reading
before you get to that without missing any sex and go onto the next story
without breaking your rhythm...
PETER METER
| | -70 degrees - I came. (-:
o| |
| |
|\
|O|
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Everyone loves the Hairy Elephant.
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