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From: Celeste801 <Celeste801@aol.com>
Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 264 - Mar 7
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Celestial Reviews 264 - March 7, 1998
Note: A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out -
a caterer, a band, and a professional clown. Just before the party starts, two
derelicts show up at the backdoor looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the
derelicts, the woman tells them that she will give them a meal if they first
help chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully, they head to the rear of the
house. {Sexual tension, eh?}
The guests arrive, and all is going well. The children are having a wonderful
time, but the clown hasn't shown up. After another half hour, the clown
finally calls to report that he is stuck in traffic and will probably not make
the party at all.
The woman is very disappointed. After unsuccessfully trying to entertain the
children herself, she happens to look out the window and sees one of the
derelicts doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings
from tree branches, leaps high into the air, and does midair flips.
She calls out to the other derelict and says, "What your friend is doing is
absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think he would
consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay
him $50!"
The other derelict replies, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. HEY JOE! FOR
$50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"
Second note: Sorry about that first joke. I figure if some people tell smutty
jokes in polite company, I can occasionally tell a polite joke in smutty
company. To make up for that one, here's a quickie:
A man is at work one day when he notices that his male co-worker is wearing an
earring. He knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is
curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
"Yo, Bob, I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Oh, yeah. Sure," says Bob sheepishly.
"Really? How long have you been wearing one?"
"Err... ever since my wife found it in our bed."
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Fay's First Fist Fuck" by Misty (violent anal sex)
6, 3, 3
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330941337
"A Poorly Written Essay" by Lord Malinov (fucking the
English teacher) 10, 8, 8
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330584743
"Mike's Trip" by SR (adult/teen sex) 10, 7, 5
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330613593
"90210: Valerie" by Beowulf The Dragon Slayer (disjointed
adolescent sitcum parody) 5, 5, 3
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=331187988
"Best Laid Plans" by Kim (odd bondage) 9, 9, 9
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=331561341
"Competitive Women" by David Rogers (business sex)
8, 7, 7
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=329802987
"Table Talk" by Sandman (unrequited love) 10, 9, 9
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=331182527
"Ask Me Anything" by TMC (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=331473300
"Limits" by Rajah Dodger (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=331377164
"Wishfull Thinking" by WinterWindz (quickie) 5, 5, 5
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=331187967
Guest Reviews:
"Her Name Was Yuki" by Richard Rivers (teen sex) 9.5, 10, 10
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330247855
"To See Or Not To See" by J.B. Mast (public & private sex)
8, 8, 9
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=329807483
"Gym Games" by Paul Potiki (antipodean shenanigans)
8, 9, 6/9
(Unretrievable)
"Kissing Margaret" by See-El (teen ff sex) 6, 9, 8
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330236864
"Scandia: A Swedish Rhapsody" by Day Dreamer (sex at
first sight) 10, 10, 10
http://x1.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=185581604
"Terror in the 100 Acre Wood" by Red Jill (children's
literature parody) 10, 10, 10
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330553974
Reposted Reviews:
* "Sticky Afternoon" by Rajah Dodger (foot fetish) 10, 9, 9
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=331377157
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"Fay's First Fist Fuck" by Misty (purfect9@aol.com). Sometimes I don't know
exactly how to take these stories. I mean, does this author seriously believe
it is possible to do what this story describes without serious and permanent
tissue or organ damage? As I understand it, the guy has his arm up the girl's
ass - all the way to his elbow! With talent like that, this guy should get a
proctology scholarship! Or he could be one helluva puppeteer.
The reason the girl is doing this is because she wants to remain a virgin.
This is probably a religious conviction. As you know, lots of major religions
say, "Women are 'pure' as long as they only take arms up their ass to the
guy's elbow." Or maybe the girl is anticipating her wedding night: "Honey,
have you ever done this before?" "No. I've just taking a fist and fore-arm up
my ass. Oooh! It gets me hot for you just thinking about it."
Actually, I think this whole story is a prolonged dumb blonde joke. She
thinks anal sex means once a year {get it? annual} and that when her boyfriend
says he wants to fist fuck her, that means he wants to stick his thingy into
her fist and jerk off.
I hope I haven't ruined this story for you. Just in case, I'll make it up to
you by telling you a little story that is similar to but probably better than
the one I just reviewed:
A gay man and his lover wake up after a long night of sex. When they get
together for coffee in the kitchen, the gay man says, "That was quite a
night."
His lover replies, "Yes, it was. But I think your condom fell off in my ass.
I'd appreciate it if you'd take it out."
So the lover bends over, and the man sticks his finger up his ass to find the
condom. He feels around for a minute and says, "I don't feel anything in
there. Are you sure?"
His lover replies, "Yes. Look a little deeper."
So he shoves his whole hand in, up to the wrist. He feels around for a minute
and says, "I don't feel anything in there. Are you sure?"
His lover replies, "Yes. Look a little deeper."
So, he shoves his arm in, up to the elbow, and he feels something with the tip
of his finger. He finally hooks it and slowly pulls it out. He holds it up to
look at it and sees a gold watch! His lover whirls around, throws up his arms
and yells, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!"
Ratings for "Fay's First Fist Fuck"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 3
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
"A Poorly Written Essay" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com). This story
demonstrates the value of using good grammar when writing about sex. For
example, don't make a noun plural by adding apostrophe s ('s). This rule
applies to all nouns - including proper nouns. The purpose of an apostrophe
with a noun is to show possession.
Actually, this story doesn't even remotely demonstrate what I said it did in
the previous paragraph. It's about a college kid's fantasy of fucking his
English teacher. My mind must have wandered for a moment.
English teachers don't engage in nonsense like this, especially right there in
their offices. And those apostrophes really are important.
Ratings for "A Poorly Written Essay"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Mike's Trip" by SR (parasol_60@yahoo.com). Actually, SR did not write this
story. SR writes on his disclaimer: "It was written by 'Mike' for 'Angel' -- a
supposed pre-legal nymphet he met and chatted with online. Does that make this
'M/f pedo'? Even if there wasn't a chance in hell she was really a pre-legal
nymphet?"
The answer is no, that's no what makes this story M/f pedo. It's the content
of the story that accomplishes that task. Mike goes to Florida and finds a
teenage nymphet in his room. She joins him for a shower and for sex. She's
going to be his little sex slave for as long as he likes.
I didn't find this story to be seriously depraved; but it WAS a bit of an
emotional turn-off. The constant references to the "adolescent" and "teen"
features of the girl kept reminding me in a rather silly fashion that we had
an adult boinking a kid. The story was actually more laughable than depraved.
The conversations followed a sort of ritualistic language: ""Yes, baby. Fuck
your cum-slave's tight little asshole with your thick man-cock!" Has any
teenage girl ever shouted to her adult Big Bopper, "Fuck my young ass!"
It was like reading the stilted dialogue of some of the old romantic authors
we used to have to read in uninspired English classes. I'm not going to name
names here. I get in too much trouble with these authors' fan clubs. But be
assured that I am NOT talking about John Milton this time.
Ratings for "Mike's Trip"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"90210: Valerie" by Beowulf The Dragon Slayer (dragonslayer@iname.com)
The author states in his disclaimer, "Feedback is most wellcome. Again, I
don't have time to proof-read is so there are bound to be some mistakes." Yes
there IS some mistakes.
Do you suppose there really are a lot of people so desperate for something to
read that they'll take the time to read a story that the author himself
doesn't give a shit about?
This author had an idea about sex and 90210. It was such an exciting idea
that he wanted to share it with us. He sat down and started typing. He
forgot some of his ideas as he went along and got others confused, but there
was nothing he could do about this, because - as we all know - the only way to
write a story is to start it, keep on typing, and never look back. He had a
basic plot that had become garbled, boring, and essentially illiterate. What
could he do with it? What indeed! And he's going to write more stories in
this series! I'll beet there going to half mistakes two.
Ratings for "90210: Valerie"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
"Best Laid Plans" by Kim (ghost@nym.alias.net). Kim's stories are archived at
http://www.io.com/~thebear/kimidx.htm.
There are a million reasons not to bind yourself completely to your bed in
anticipation of your lover. This story demonstrates one of those reasons.
Actually, this story demonstrates several of those reasons. Indeed, this
story applies Murphy's Law to that situation.
Very early in the story I put two and two together and figured out the end of
the story. It's not that I'm really smart. I don't know much about history.
I don't know much about geometry. But I have begun to understand Kim's mind -
at least to the point where I can tell when and how I am being set up in her
stories. Yeah, right!
OK. Now I don't want to give this story away. We have Kim bound and
handcuffed to the bed, waiting for Rob. The phone rings, and Kim hears Rob
telling the answering machine that he won't be coming home till late that
evening. Soon she hears a burglar in the house. Oh, I forgot: Kim is NAKED
and handcuffed, etc. To make matters worse, the burglar is disguised in a
Richard Nixon mask. You know - Richard Nixon - the guy who saw "Deep Throat"
fifty times, so that he could get it down Pat. I'm sorry: I'm supposed to
leave the political satire to one of my guest reviewers.
The really bad part about the burglar in the Tricky Dick mask is that he
remains silent, but he still wants to communicate with Kim. In short, Kim is
going to be raped by a Bad Mime. Realizing that Kim is THE Kim of a.s.s.
fame, Tricky Dick wants her to finish one of her stories for him.
There's surprisingly little sex in this story. There's also a surprisingly
long story in this story. There are also a large number of allusions to
a.s.s.d. people, and the millions of readers who don't go to that newsgroup
may miss some of these.
Overall, it was a good story, but not one of Kim's best. But remember: not all
of Shakespeare's plays were his best either.
Ratings for "Best Laid Plans"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Competitive Women" by David Rogers (davidr8@poboxes.com). A business
executive finds himself in a position - actually in several positions, most of
which are not missionary - where he has to decide which of two former
classmates will receive an important business contract from his company.
Alas, they are both eager to trade sexual favors for the contract; and also
alas, they each have a tendency to be on the phone talking to him while the
other is engaging in more direct sexual stimulation. So he awards the
contract to both of them. This results in a cat fight and more sex. The
story ends abruptly - as if the author just ran out of idea or lost interest
in the story. Too bad. It had potential.
Ratings for "Competitive Women"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Table Talk" by Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com). The author's stories are
archived at ftp://asstr.ml.org/pub/Authors/sandman/index.html).
Have you ever sat at a table in a restaurant with someone you love and talked
about how much fun that person might have fucking somebody else in the room?
Isn't it fun to get your lover all turned on, and don't you sometimes get so
turned on that you can't wait to get to a more private place and rip each
others clothes off - unless, of course, you happen to be wearing no panties,
and the restaurant has long tablecloths, and your partner is able to remove
his shoes and socks, and....
That's sort of what happens in this story - except that the two friends go
their separate ways at the end of the evening with the people they have been
sizing up in the restaurant.
Ratings for "Table Talk"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Ask Me Anything" by TMC (ck29@anon.nymserver.com). This story is creative,
romantic, and poetic. It's difficult to summarize. You can read it in 2.5
minutes. I suggest that you do so.
Ratings for "Ask Me Anything"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Limits" by Rajah Dodger (rdodger@hotmail.com). This is a serious but erotic
story. The narrator is a young man whose lover (wife, perhaps) has died.
This story takes us from the funeral, where a woman he doesn't know gives him
her condolences, to the time when he is ready to resume normal life. I don't
want to tell you more. As I said, it's a serious but erotic story.
Ratings for "Limits"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Wishfull Thinking" by WinterWindz (winterwindz@yahoo.com). The author
probably wrote this story for her "master" in about five short sessions -
using a new paragraph and a new verb tense each time. There's actually a
certain sexy exuberance to this story, but it's buried beneath the grammatical
mishmash and lack of plot development.
Ratings for "Wishfull Thinking"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Her Name Was Yuki" by Richard Rivers (r_rivers@cryogen.com). Guest review by
Poison Ivan.
This is the story of a shy teenage boy's obsession with Yuki, the new Japanese
volleyball player in school. Well, it's actually a lot more complicated than
that. It turns out Yuki's mother happens to be the school's new counselor,
and Richard develops quite a crush on Mrs. Tanaka, too.
The story tells the tale of Richard befriending both mother and daughter,
which eventually leads to an unexpected tryst in the counselor's office. This
gives poor Richard even more troubles to worry about, as his desires and
insecurities run roughshod over his teenage emotions.
Mrs. Tanaka and Yuki have problems of their own, and when the sleazy gym
teacher Mr. Roberts makes a play for Mrs. Tanaka, Richard rushes in to save
the day. Of course Richard is appropriately rewarded for his gallantry.
The author does a good job making the boy's fears and jealousies real. I was
once a teenage boy myself, I can easily relate to the infatuation and mixed
emotions of the main character. It brought back some memories, both fond and
embarrassing.
Technically, it's not a perfect story, but there are very few errors for a
story of this length. The plot is interesting and well told. The characters
are ably described and feel real.
My only substantial complaint is that this very long story has very little sex
in it. If you're looking for a story to jerk off to before you go to bed, try
something else. But if you want to see a sensitive portrayal of a teenage boy
as he stumbles into his first sexual relationship, you could do a lot worse.
Personally, I like introspective stories, so I enjoyed this one a lot.
Although the sex in this story is not between people of the same age, the
sexual situations are treated with care and subtlety. I doubt many people
will find this story offensive.
Ratings for "Her Name Was Yuki"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Ivan (appeal to reviewer): 10
"To See Or Not To See" by J.B. Mast (Mastwords1@aol.com). Guest review by
Dart.
Adam and his wife Julie are having dinner out, celebrating his promotion to
Vice President at Arrow Electronics. It's been ten years since Adam started
his career at Arrow, and they had celebrated that beginning at the same
restaurant, and with the same menu selection that they have ordered this
evening. Julie planned the evening that way; she remembers such things, but
she doesn't think Adam does. He surprises her by remembering that evening, by
remembering that they're at the same restaurant and have ordered the same
dishes. But he also remembers how they excited each other during dinner. That
portion of their previous celebration wasn't part of Julie's plan for this
evening--she had a different, more exotic, sexual agenda planned--but Adam is
very encouraging and Julie's a supportive spouse.
What follows is a pretty steamy scene of public sex, and then, in the ladies'
room, of private sex. Back at their table, Julie's so washed out that she's
not sure she has the energy for Adam's planned "dessert." But when Adam learns
what it is .... Well, Julie's a very supportive wife.
I really liked this story, but I do have some complaints. I think the dialogue
is a tad too formal for the scene the story describes. I also think, though
this is certainly arguable, that given the way Adam and Julie's encounter
unfolded at the restaurant table, the wrong person was on their knees in the
ladies' room.
There were also minor typo and editing problems. Adam was once referred to as
"Michael." In the paragraph:
He took a bite of bread and then forked some salad while I
watched. She had her eyes locked onto his, smiling at him
as she unbuttoned her crisp white shirt top with her long
slim fingers.
the "I" should be "she," unless it's kinkier than I believe.
With a very little assistance from one of Celeste's marvelous proofreaders,
this good story could have been even better.
Ratings for "To See Or Not To See"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Dart (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Gym Games" by Paul Potiki (guanolad@deepsouth.co.nz). Review by Sven the
Elder (Sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk).
Since there is a dearth of story codes supplied, I'll insert them for the
incipient readership. Following Uther's most excellent FAQ the title should,
I believe, read: Gym Games (Mfffff ws), that at least would have allowed me to
be a little less squicked than I was. Which will give away the fact that the
story is a tad low on appeal to this reviewer.
However - there has of late been an interesting discussion on assd of the
merits and anti-merits of reviewing. In the last CR Celeste herself made some
of her own views clear. As I have recently turned down the request to review
several stories, I felt that I ought to at least try to be objective with this
one. BTW the stories I gently refused were well outside my personal limits and
I wrote a reasoned response as to why I did not wish to tackle them - not that
that matters at all to review readers.
I have in past reviews chatted gently about stories that we read on these
ng's, and how I enjoy most of them, even if they don't particularly 'ring my
bells'. My personal preference is for stories that you can believe in, be
part of, if you like. Stories that weave tales, involve us in a little bit of
the action. Stories that we might *want* to be part of.
Gym Games troubles me. The scene is set, and set well in a school gym. We
learn a little about the teacher, why he has to take the class in the normal
PE teachers absence. Then the stragglers arrive and a rebellious lot they are
to. Punishment is needed, but what to do? At this point further description
would spoil the story, but I will say that if this were to happen in RL the
teacher would be escorted from the premises so fast he would appear to be
levitating. In my school days in the fifties and sixties (Bugger there goes
any pretense of keeping *my* age discreet!) we had a teacher who 'interfered'
with a male pupil - yes it *was* an English public school. The alleged
incident occurred on a Saturday night, neither Master or Pupil was there on
the Sunday morning. The dismissed Master left before dawn, the Pupil's parent
drove through the night and removed him before breakfast. We never saw or
heard about either of them again. Now there would be the most God Almighty
court case as well. I note that the author has an e-mail address in New
Zealand; I suspect that it would be little different there.
So there we are then, now how to mark this tale of antipodean shenanigans?
Well the story is technically acceptable. My spell checker, with the a.s.s.
asbestos dictionary loaded, passed all without comment - Oh BTW a 'perq' is
spelt 'perk' - but, well, who's counting for just one error. Grammar and
construction caused me no grief, so as nothing was other than as it should be,
with no exceptional bits to raise above - we go for an eight in this section.
For plot and character I have to say that the scene and build-up were well
set; it may have been a long time since I was in a school gymnasium, but this
brought back memories. The characters of the main protagonists were well
drawn and were good character sketches. A nine for this section then. *Now* we
come to the contentious one, how did *I* like and rate the story. As it went
I enjoyed it; yes squicked a bit by the ending, but that is neither the first
nor will it be the last time on this ng <grin>! So where to place the last
mark? Billy(G) set a precedent recently by putting two marks for this
section, one for his own appreciation and one as to how he *suspected* people
who liked the genre *might* view it. Although it is outside of Celeste's
methods I think I might well continue that thought. My own appeal was low,
being generous at six - I did quite enjoy it up towards that ending. For a
watersports lover the story has, I believe, most all that they might want and
would make a nine.
Ratings for "Gym Games"
Technical quality: 8
Plot & character: 9
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 6 / 9
"Kissing Margaret" by See-El (See-El@nym.alias.net). Guest review by Fiddler.
When I give a story to someone to read, I can wait until later to learn
whether I used gerunds instead of verbs or confused "peddle" with "pedal."
What I want to know first is whether the story _worked_. I think that this is
the real meaning of the controversial third number in Celestial reviews.
And, of course, any reader can only tell you whether the story worked for him.
The rest of the numbers deal with objective material which might make the
story work better, or might kick another reader out of a story which worked
for me. The critical question, however, is still how well the story worked.
The present story, for example, is better than the sum of its parts.
The story line is sweet, if not blazingly original. One young-teen girl,
Claire sleeps over with another, Margaret. They go from discussing boys to
practicing their kisses on one another to full cunnilingus.
The language, while careless in places and reading like a word-for-word
translation in others, distracted me less than coarse, or even plodding,
language would have.
This story would work _better_ with a bit of proofreading and without an
introduction saying that it isn't the author's best work. It does, however,
work as it stands.
Ratings for "Kissing Margaret"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 9
Fiddler (appeal to this reviewer): 8
"Scandia: A Swedish Rhapsody" by Day Dreamer. Guest Review by Sandman
(sandman@bitsmart.com).
As I read the first part of the story where Neil meets the Swedish Onny at a
party I was already thinking, "This is probably a triple ten story." The
character descriptions were breathtaking in their detail, and while the "love
and my place or yours" at first sight forum moved maybe a little to quickly
for me, it wasn't that jarring. The enamored couple ditch the party and head
to Onny's apartment where they have some of the most vividly described oral
sex I've ever seen in an story on these newsgroups.
It is probably one of the more novel premises of a story that after the oral
sex they share their stories (who they are, what they're looking for) as they
caress each other after the first moment of passion. In some stories we learn
about the characters before the sex happens, in others we learn about the
characters through the sex, in this one we learn about the characters after
the sex.
The story comprises a Thursday night, Friday night, and Saturday morning. It
is almost 100K of pure, vividly described sex with two very exciting,
romantic, and obviously infatuated characters. I personally was a bit
disappointed at the ending, where we learn one more thing about the
characters. Other readers will probably be completely intrigued by what I
thought was a disturbing and unnecessary tangent. That said, the ending did
not disturb me enough to affect the overall appeal.
"Scandia" is a BEAUTIFULLY written, tender, romantic, hot, erotic story, and
it definitely has my recommendation as an enjoyable read.
There is also an un-reviewed sequel posted at
http://x1.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=186915487
Ratings for "Scandia"
Athena (technical quality): 10 -- Perfect.
Venus (plot & character): 10 -- Sex at first sight. Hot & erotic.
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10 - Definitely a must-read.
"Terror in the 100 Acre Wood" by Red Jill (redjill@aol.com). This review is
the personal opinion of Kim, who can be contacted at ghost@nym.alias.net.
Well now, here's a thing. I'll bet not many of you expected to see a review of
a story involving repeated snuffs, a rape, infanticide, sickening violence and
more squicks than you can shake a honey jar at. And what's more, I expect even
fewer expected the rating I'm giving it.
OK, I'll come clean. This is a very black, black comedy. Jill has obviously
had enough of the loathsomly cute Disney representation of the much better
books by A.A. Milne of the inhabitants of the Hundred Acre Wood.
In Jill's dystopian vision, Pooh has got himself a smack habit and in a fit of
revulsion at the continued patronizing by Christopher Robin proceeds to
dismember him with an ax. The deed done, Pooh sets out to rid the woods of all
the other characters who annoy him, with the notable exception of Rabbit,
who's become his supplier.
Quite how Pooh dispatches the others I'll leave to you to find out. As a piece
of black comedy writing I can find no fault. Maybe attributing the story "Pooh
Goes Apeshit" to A.A. Milne himself is going a bit too far in the satire
stakes, if only for possible legal reasons. But ignoring that slight quibble,
I thought it brilliantly funny, very well written, and a joy to read.
Ratings for "Terror in the 100 Acre Wood"
Athena (technical quality): 10 (Excellent)
Venus (plot & character): 10 (Ingenious)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 10 (I wish I'd written it)
* "Sticky Afternoon" by Rajah Dodger (rdodger@hotmail.com). In the list
preceding the reviews I labeled this a "foot fetish" story. I did so for two
reasons: (1) That's what the author himself claimed it was. (2) Nobody would
have read this review if I would have labeled it "gerontological sex." Yup!
Here we have two old codgers going at it like spring chickens. Whoda thunk
it!? It's a story about nice quiet sex that starts when two people have a
conversation on a bus, progress to a foot massage, and then do what comes
naturally. You know, until now I've just been worrying about my daughters
being corrupted by this world of cybersex. You don't think my mother....)
Ratings for "Sticky Afternoon"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to this reviewer): 9
GRAMMAR TIP OF THE WEEK: Some readers have encouraged me to resume these
grammar tips. If you have suggestions or comments, please send them to me.
I.E. and E.G. The abbreviation "i.e." means "that is." The abbreviation
"e.g." means "for example." In most cases, these abbreviations occur in
parentheses.
Sexual practices that she considered bizarre (e.g., anal sex,
threesomes, and bestiality) were often of extreme interest
to her husband. {The items within parentheses are merely
samples from a longer list.}
Sexual practices that she considered bizarre (i.e., anal sex,
threesomes, and bestiality) were often of extreme interest
to her husband. {The items within parentheses are the whole
list of what she considers to be bizarre.}
Sexual practices that she considered bizarre (i.e., anything
other than missionary sex) were often of extreme interest
to her husband. {The statement within parentheses
describes all of what she considers to be bizarre.}
In most cases, it would be better to say "That is" or "For example" (often in
a whole clause or sentence without the parentheses) in place of the
abbreviation. The abbreviations are most often appropriate in technical
writing or in footnotes or bibliographies.
Sexual practices that she considered bizarre, which included
anything other than missionary sex) were often of extreme
interest to her husband.
When they read out loud sentences that contain these abbreviations, it is
usually considered good form to state the English meaning. That is, don't
read "eye eee"; simply say, "That is...."
ETC. and ET AL. The abbreviation "etc." means "and other things." It refers
to an incomplete list of THINGS. It is incorrect to say "and etc." The
abbreviation "et al." also means "and others," but it refers to an incomplete
list of PERSONS. The distinction is considered important by anyone who knows
the difference. {"Et al." can also mean "and elsewhere in a bibliography.}
You should use ETC. primarily when there is a legitimate reason not to want to
state an entire list - for example, when it would be boring to state the
entire list. You should avoid using it when you are simply lazy or don't know
what to put in the entire list. {Note that there is a comma before "etc."}
In most cases, ET AL. is used to restate a list that has already been stated
once. For example, if you cite in your bibliography a book by Dewey, Fuquahr,
Good, Long, and Harde, you might name all the authors the first time you cite
these people, but refer to them as Dewey, et al. thereafter. {Note that there
is a comma before "et al."}
When people read out loud sentences that contain these abbreviations, it is
usually considered good form to pronounce "etc." as "et cetera." However,
most people say "and others" when they read "et al." out loud.
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