Message-ID: <6776eli$9803101659@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
From: Daphne Xu <daphne@nym.alias.net>
Subject: {ASS} Old Story:  The Sex Life of an Electron (silly EE puns)
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Hello All

I didn't write this story.  The original author is unknown, but it was
modified by Nabeel Ibrahim (http://www.stanford.edu/~ibrahim); I hear 
that a good part of it dates from the sixties.  At the moment, I am
relentlessly unproductive at writing, so I thought I'd post this.  If
you're under eighteen, or you're offended by this kind of story, don't
read this.  You don't want to be seduced into the nether world of
electronics and hacking.

	-- Daphne

	-----------------------------------------------------------

			The Sex life of an Electron
			by Eddie Currents

One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro-Farad decided 
to seek out a cute little coil to help him discharge. 

He picked up Milli-Amp and took her for a ride in his Megacycle. 
They rode across the Wheatstone Bridge and stopped by a Magnetic 
field with flowing currents and frolicked in the sine waves. 

Micro-Farad, attracted by Millie-Amp's characterisic curves soon 
had her fully charged and proceeded to excite her resistance to 
a minimum. He gently laid her at ground potential, raised her 
frequency and lowered her reluctance. 

With a quick arc, he pulled out his high voltage probe and 
inserted it in her socket, connecting them in parallel. He 
slowly began short circuiting her resistance shunt while quickly 
raising her thermal conductance level to mill-spec. Fully 
excited, Milli-Amp mumbled "OHM...OHM...OHM" 

With his tube operating well into class C, and her field 
vibrating with his current flow, a corona formed which instantly 
caused her shunt to overheat just at the point when Micro-Farad 
rapidly discharged and drained off every electron into her grid. 

They fluxed all night trying various connectors and sockets 
untill his magnet had a soft core and lost all of its field 
strength. 

Afterwards, Milli-Amp tried self-induction and damaged her 
solenoids and with his battery fully discharged, Micro-Farad was 
unable to excite his field. Not ready to be quiescent, they 
spent the rest of the evening reversing polarity and blowing 
each others fuses. 

BUT WAIT!!! Theres M O R E ! 

			=============================== 

Micro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His 
broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with 
numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time-sharing. 

One evening he arrived home just as the sun was crashing, and 
had parked his Motorola 68000 in the main drive (he had missed 
the S100 bus that morning), when he noticed an elegant piece of 
liveware admiring the daisy wheels in his garden. He thought to 
himself, "She looks user-friendly. I'll see if she'd like an 
update tonight." 

Mini was her name. She was delightfully engineered with eyes 
like COBOL and a Prime mainframe architecture that set Micro's 
peripherals networking all over the place. 

He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin, 
32-bit floating point processors and enquired, "How are you, 
Honeywell?"

"Yes, I am well," she responded, batting her optical fibers 
engagingly and smoothing her console over her curvilinear 
functions. 

Micro settled for a straight line approximation. "I'm stand-
alone tonight," he said. "How about computing a vector to my 
base address? I'll output a byte to eat, and maybe we could get 
offset later on." Mini ran a priority process for 2.6 
milliseconds then transmitted 8K. "I've been dumped myself 
recently, and a new page is just what I need to refresh my 
disks. I'll park my machine cycle in your background and meet 
you inside." She walked off, leaving Micro admiring her 
solenoids and thinking, "Wow, what a global variable. I wonder 
if she'd like my firmware?" 

They sat down at the process table to a top of form feed of 
fiche and chips and a bucket of Baudot. Mini was in 
conversational mode and expanded on ambiguous arguments while 
Micro gave occasional acknowledgments, although in reality he 
was anyalyzing the shortest and least critical path to her entry 
point. He finally settled on the old,'Would you like to see my 
benchmark routine?' but Mini was again one step ahead. 

Suddenly she was up and stripping off her parity bits to reveal 
the full functionality of her operating system software. "Let's 
get BASIC, you RAM," she said. Micro was loaded by this stage, 
but his hardware policing module had a processor of its own and 
was in danger of overflowing its output buffer, a hangup that 
Micro had consulted his analyst about. "Core," was all he could 
say, as she prepared to log him off. 

Micro soon recovered, however, when Mini went down on the DEC 
and opened her divide files to reveal her data set ready. He 
accessed his fully packed root device and was just about to 
start pushing into her CPU stack, when she attempted an escape 
sequence. 

"No, no!" she cried. "You're not shielded!"

"Reset, baby," he replied, "I've been debugged."

"But I haven't got my current loop enabled, and I can't support 
child processes," she protested.

"Don't run away," he said, "I'll generate an interrupt."

"No, that's too error prone, and I can't abort because of my 
design philosophy." 

Micro was locked in by this stage, though, and could not be 
turned off. But Mini soon stopped his thrashing by introducing a 
voltage spike into his main supply, whereupon he fell over with 
a head crash and went to sleep. 

"Computers!" she thought as she compiled herself. "All they ever 
think about is hex." 

			----- T H E   E N D ----- 

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