Message-ID: <6694eli$9803051616@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
From: Celeste801 <Celeste801@aol.com>
Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 263 - Mar 4
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d
Mime-Version: 1.0
Content-transfer-encoding: 7bit
Content-type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII
Path: qz!not-for-mail
Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam
Approved: <usenet-approval@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded <story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Story-Submission: <story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Original-Message-ID: <dec1c4d3.34feaecc@aol.com>
X-Is-Review: yes
Celestial Reviews 263 - March 4, 1998
Note: In the distant future Paul and Paulette accumulate enough frequent
flier miles and travel to Venus (actually, to a currently undiscovered moon of
Venus). They meet a Venusian couple and talk about all sorts of things.
Finally, Paulette brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you Venusians do
it?" asks Paulette.
"Pretty much the way you do," responds the Venusian woman.
Discussion ensues, and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the
night, so that they can experience one another. Paulette and the male Venusian
go off to a bedroom where the Venusian strips. He has only a teeny, tiny
penis - about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," says Paulette.
"Why?" the Venusian asks. "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach deep inside me!"
"No problem," he says, as he proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.
With each slap of his noggin, his cock grows, until it 's quite impressive in
length.
"Well," she says, "That's quite inspiring, but it's still pretty narrow...."
"No problem," he says, as he starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his
dick grows wider and wider, until the entire configuration is extremely
exciting to Paulette.
"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and make mad, passionate love. The
next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways.
As they walk along, Paul asks, "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," says Paulette, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about
you?"
"It was horrible," he replies; "I've got a terrible headache. All the bitch
kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
Second note:
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Dr. Goodlove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love
the.... " by Maura Nelson (highway romance) 10, 9, 9
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=315128433
"Scene from a Writer at Work" by Artie (romantic quickie)
10, 10, 10
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327659978
"Legal" by Wile E. Coyote (in-law sex) 6, 8, 8
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324869475
"Alice" by Pan (academic exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328591267
"Canteloupe" by Art Montage (sex with tutor) 8, 8, 8
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328937268
"Air Force" by Kristen 'Kathy' Becker (sexual initiation)
9, 8, 8
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330242343
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330242347
Guest Reviews:
"My Six Year Itch" by Anne Arbor (one-nighter)
10, 10, 10
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=326055093
"Young Jedi Knights" by PJ (sci fi kiddysex)
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426369
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426373
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426369
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426380
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426384
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426384
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426390
"Distant Lover" By Ana Hernandez (real-life cybersex)
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=329798821
"Tomboy" by TJ Walker (kiddy incest) 6
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327655085
"Seven and One Is Two" by Val White (sci fi FF sex)
9, 9, 10
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=329798828
"The Personal Trainer" by SR (cybersex)10, 9, 9
http://x1.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330253556
"The Lawyer from Akron" by SR (cybersex) 10, 10, 10
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330253547
Reposted Reviews:
* "Duty" by Uther Pendragon (revolutionary sex) 10, 10, 10
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=195936052
* "Nextdoor" by Friar Dave (surprise!) 10, 10, 10
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330084898
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"Dr. Goodlove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the.... " by Maura
Nelson (sexylines@hotmail.com). The title of this story is a parody of the
movie "Dr. Strangelove." That's the only connection between the movie and
this story. There also seems to be a word missing at the end of the extended
title of this story.
This story takes place in the great status symbol of 60s and 70s youth: the VW
van. Flower (actually Margaret, but she wants a name that more clearly
connotes the fact that she is blossoming) hitches a ride with two of those
long-haired guys that used to roam the Western world. She pays for the ride
by having sex with both of her fellow travelers. She even fucks through the
sun roof of the VW with the nicer one. Things like this explain why so many
truckers ran off the road with grins on their faces back in those less
civilized days. The first guy is a dud, but the second becomes the Love of
Her Life. In fact, this story is a sort of a 25th anniversary memorial. Isn't
that special?
This is a well-written, sexy story.
Ratings for "Dr. Goodlove"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Scene from a Writer at Work" by Artie (artie@netgate.net). As I read the
first part of this story, I said to myself, "Self, this is a pretty good
story, but the author seems to have the verb tenses a bit screwed up." Then
the narrator himself says to his wife, "It's okay for a first draft; I need to
go over it a few times. I may have shifted verb tenses in there." Gotcha! Ya
see, the narrator is an author, writing a story and following the highly
useful practice of not worrying about grammatical details during the first
draft but being careful to polish his writing before publishing it.
So the writer's wife looks over his shoulder and says, "Why don't you ever
right about me?" And he says, "You mean like this?" And they jointly compose
and act out a very short but intense erotic escapade. The story has little
plot development, but it's still excellent.
Ratings for "Scene from a Writer at Work"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Legal" by Wile E. Coyote (ellem@webspan.net). Webster defines "legal" as
"old enough to be fucked without legal recriminations against the person who
performs the Act." That's Little Oral Annie Webster, of course - not Noah or
Daniel.
The girl has just turned 17, which makes her legal in her state, which is
apparently Arousal. Since she was 14 she has been trying to seduce her
brother-in-law, who was at that time one year more than twice her age. {This
is a question actually taken from the math portion of the SAT: how old is the
brother-in-law now?} But he has always said, "No; not until you're legal."
Now that she's legal, he fucks her brains out - rather brutally. The fact
that the girl enjoys the harshness of the sex actually makes sense in this
case, since she is portrayed as a bit of an airhead who wouldn't recognize
love or a meaningful relationship if someone shoved one up her ass.
This is by no means the best story I've reviewed lately. It's full of silly
errors; but it's possible that the author did this on purpose - to convey the
authentic impression that this babe ain't gonna be a rocket scientist. She's
just young, dumb, and full of cum.
Ratings for "Legal"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Alice" by Pan (pan@nym.alias.net). The guy is a 45-year-old heterosexual
male history teacher. The woman is a female student in his class. She likes
to turn him on. She does this unobtrusively in class, but she does it even
more emphatically in the gym. She designs her exhibitionism so that nobody
except the teacher is likely to notice that she is coming on to him. The
exhibitionism gets pretty hot!
The following is not a moral lecture. I obviously LIKED this story. But the
question I'd like to raise is, what is the actual policy for college teachers
regarding sex with students? Would a teacher be in serious trouble for doing
what the narrator does in this story? I think the answer is YES, if anybody
in a position of authority found out about it.
Most colleges, I think, have a policy against coercive sex; and since the
teacher is in a position of authority (giving the grade), I think colleges may
ban sex with students (because the student may feel coerced to "put out" in
order to get a decent grade). In addition, if we alter the present story just
a little, we could have the student blackmailing the teacher: "Give me a good
grade or I'll show the dean my email from you."
I honestly don't know what the policy is at most colleges or how prevalent sex
is between students and teachers on college campuses. If the rules are what I
think they are and if I were an unscrupulous lawyer, I think I would place an
advertisement in the college newspaper, announcing that I would for a small
fee enhance the wealth of any student who has been having sex with a
professor.
Even so, this is a darned good fantasy!
Ratings for "Alice"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Cantaloupe" by Art Montage (dechant@northnet.org). Do antelope eat
cantaloupe? The answer doesn't matter. It's a light-hearted sentence
designed to help an oriental woman learn to pronounce English more clearly.
The story itself focuses on more metaphorical melons.
The basic plot has a guy tutoring an oriental student and his wife, but the
male student is late quite often. Since the woman doesn't want the tutor to
get angry and stop tutoring them, she apologizes by giving him some good sex.
As Confucius say, "A tutor will not leave if he is cumming."
The story has three main problems. First, it relies excessively on
descriptions and explanations rather than action, especially in the earlier
part of the story. Second, there are some grammatical problems. One that I
found annoying was the splintering of compound words into two separate words
(e.g., "heart felt" for "heartfelt," "work books" for "workbooks"). Finally,
I thought the ending was a bit abrupt.
Overall, this is a pretty good story that could have become even better with a
little more proofreading.
Ratings for "Cantaloupe"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Air Force" by Kristen 'Kathy' Becker (Kristen78@aol.com). Kriste is enrolled
at the Air Force Academy. She wants to be a combat fighter pilot. But the
men don't like her, because they resent her as a woman and because she won't
put out for them. Near the beginning of the story she is unpleasantly mauled
by several male cadets. Confused about her sexuality, she decides to get rid
of her virginity by having sex in a cheap motel with Johnny D, a rich asshole
in her squad. Disappointed with the experience, she has a Patsy Cline
epiphany: "Is that all there is?" But then David appears in his shining armor
and fucks her properly. Fulfilled in her womanhood, Kriste goes on to become
a successful fighter pilot.
The story has the basis of a good plot, and the sexual action - at least in
the second, romantic sequence - is hot. However, while the story is good,
it's not outstanding. {Note: I do not want to pick on this author. She asked
for specific advice. I hope that my advice can be helpful both to her and to
other authors who are trying to improve.}
The imperfection is difficult to pin down. Aside from some minor problems
with grammar, I think the story has two problems: excessive introspection and
timing.
First, this story is a bit too introspective. We learn all about what's going
on inside Kriste's mind. The author starts at the beginning and explains
Kriste's thoughts right up to her fulfilling session with David. I don't mean
to exaggerate the problem - after all, I DID give the story an 8 - but parts
of it read a little too much like an anthropological study or a diary to be
submitted for a psych class. It's good to know Kriste's thoughts, but the
best stories often contain ACTIONS and brief conversations that reveal the
mindsets of the protagonists. If you check out the stories that usually fill
my Top 20 lists each month (or the stories to which I have given straight 10
ratings in this issue of CR}, you'll discover that most of them find a more
creative way to tell the readers about a character's thoughts and feelings.
The other problem is what I've called timing. It overlaps with the first
problem, and it's hard to describe. Almost everyone knows some people who are
better than others at telling jokes. They have timing. They can use almost
the same words and ideas as someone who tells the joke less effectively, but
they leave us with a better feeling. Timing has to do with deciding exactly
what to tell, when to tell it, how much to tell, and how to relate the parts
of the story. It's done differently by different people. Some of us seem to
acquire timing naturally, but I don't think it's an innate characteristic: we
can certainly develop our skills at timing.
I think one of the best ways to develop storytelling ability is to notice it
in others. When you read a good story by someone else, try to notice when
that author does something interesting. Then do it yourself when you get a
chance. Don't just copy: add your personal touch to what the other writer
did. And don't just limit yourself to short stories on this newsgroup. If
you like South Park, ask yourself what it is that makes that show so
interesting to you. If you liked Titanic, ask yourself why. Other shows have
had good special effects; why do so many people keep coming back to see
Titanic? You won't do exactly what these other people do; but by noticing
what they do, you can benefit from their influence.
Ratings for "Air Force"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"My Six Year Itch" by Anne Arbor (AnneArbor@hotmail.com). Guest review by
Father Angelico.
{Father Angelico purports to have a cable TV show on the Internal Word
Television Network. The IWTN appears to be nonsensical, and should probably
not be viewed by people who are easily beguiled by lunatics. Comments
inserted in brackets are mine.}
This is a story about perverts - vile, wicked, depraved, degenerate perverts.
The husband and wife have begun to take each other for granted. Instead of
doing something constructive - like going to church together {or reading
Celestial Reviews out loud to each other} - the husband goes on a business
trip and the wife meets a wicked and immoral man at a seminar at work.
Beware of Australians! There is something inherently wrong with people who
take pride in being "down under."
She doesn't say "no," and he takes that as a "maybe", which is really a tacit
"yes". She wants to feel him making love to her more than he wants to tell him
to stop and let her think logically. With her husband it's lovemaking, but
with this lover it's raw sex, and she likes the difference. Alas and woe! I'd
like to turn this evil vixen over my knee and spank her little ass! She gives
new meaning to the word flagitious!
This was a despicable story! Just say NO to sex!
Ratings for "My Six Year Itch"
{Note from Celeste: simply subtract the padre's scores from 10, and you'll get
a reasonable approximation of Venus and Celeste.}
Grammar (technical quality): 10 (Even the devil can do good
grammar!
Purity (plot & character): 0 (These are depraved people!)
Holiness (appeal to reviewer): 0 (Woe unto thee....!)
"Young Jedi Knight Sex Stories" by pjurado@aol.com (Pjurado). This review is
the personal opinion of Kim, who can be contacted at ghost@nym.alias.net.
Yet another story set in the worlds of Star Wars, first brought to us by the
Star Wars trilogy of movies, but since extended by comic and novel. Since I
have apparently become the resident Star Wars/Star Trek reviewer, this story
has come my way. This one introduces many characters never seen, or even
mentioned, in the films; but it integrates them seamlessly with the accepted
milieu.
It mainly tells the story of Jacen and Jaina, the young twin son and daughter
of the now married Han Solo and Princess Leia. They've both been away to Uncle
Luke's Jedi training academy. The trouble is, poor Jacen has the hots for his
sis Jaina, and no sooner has he shown her his saber than they're at it on the
floor of the cargo hold of the transport ship taking them home to mom and dad.
Jaina willingly gives up her virginity in the process.
Once home, Prime Minister Leia (hmmm, Princess to Prime Minister, seems like a
demotion to me) catches the two incestuous lovers at it again, and being
overcome with understanding motherly concern, promptly banishes them from the
republic forever, and blows up Jaina's bedroom with a magical power thingy.
Han returns home, from a night out with Lando and the guys, to a partially
demolished home and banished kids and just shrugs it off. Kids of tomorrow,
eh?
The two renegades steal an x-wing and fly off to adventures new, which
includes working in a brothel, getting kidnapped by a mind-controlling sex-
crazed t'landa Til (they're similar to Huts, but you can tell them apart
because of their horn, or something), having a major tussle or two with a
Mandalorean Knight called Black Asp, and meeting up with an old flame, the
one-armed (yes, really) Jedi warrior-woman Tenel Ka. The usual Star Warian
stuff really. Well, except that George Lucas didn't have as much sex in his
versions.
On the whole, I enjoyed the sappy story as much as I enjoyed any of the Star
Wars stuff. Looking for a believable, sensible plot is mostly a waste of time.
You just go with the flow and have fun. I thought the writing tended to the
purple on many occasions, and some of the expressions were unintentionally
amusing, either from the florid nature of the prose, or from the misuse of a
relevant word.
There's also an unpleasant strain of misogyny running through much of the sex
scenes, with several acts of brutish sex, or humiliating sex for the woman,
and as a finale, one clear rape of a virgin. Also, be warned that there is
obviously incest, and both of the main participants are only fifteen years
old. But if you can live with that kinda stuff, you'll probably appreciate the
arousal factor. There's plenty of hot, if slightly repetitious, coupling
throughout the story.
Ratings "Young Jedi Knight Sex Stories"
Athena (technical quality): 7 (Too purple for me)
Venus (plot & character): 9 (Pretty silly, but fine by Star Wars
standards)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 7 (Would have been higher but for
the misogyny)
"Distant Lover" By Ana Hernandez (SinpleAna@aol.com). Guest Review by Sandman
(sandman@bitsmart.com).
The Internet may very well be one of the most important developments in the
sexual revolution. Oh sure, Mr. Bell gave us all those 1-900 sex kitten
lines, but it took the Internet to make it possible to meet someone three
thousand miles away and get to know them well enough so that the moment you DO
meet the other person it's hop right into bed time. No expensive dinners, no
theater tickets, no walks along the beach, no pretending to like opera, heck
in this story no condoms either (let us all contemplate the joys of safe sex
for a moment). Just, "wow you look as great as your picture" and poof, you're
off to a hotel room having the best sex you've ever had in your life. And it
does happen. In my real life I have friends who met on the net and she moved
from Georgia and married him.
It apparently happens frequently in stories as well, even stories based on
real life, which this one purports to be. And that is the premise of this
story. A woman and man have a cyber relationship and take the ultimate step
of moving fantasy into real life. The point of view is from the woman, and
the author does a top notch job of exploring the anticipation and the fear of
the first meeting and subsequent first fuck. This story is tasteful, erotic,
and very sexy in a very believable way.
There are a few mistakes in the story, but most of them are easily overlooked,
and I really wont dwell on nit-picking. My main criticism is a good one
actually -- the story left me wanting to know more about the characters. Yes
I enjoyed this one, and yes I am most definitely recommending it.
Ratings for "Distant Lover"
Athena (technical quality): 9-- A few technical mistakes.
Venus (plot & character): 10 -- Nice plot, nicely handled.
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10 - Was the pierced tongue that
turned the trick.
"Tomboy" by TJ Walker (Reposted by Commander Jameson). Guest review by David
Myers.
So many of the incest stories in a.s.s.m. suffer from lack of originality.
There are times when this genre can really shine, but usually I come away
hoping for something a little different than the last time. Walker has a few
well-written moments, but fails to show something really new.
The Synopsis: Two very young teen boys each find themselves attracted to the
other boy's sister. A group scene ensues and the at least one boy finds
himself attracted to his own sister, too.
My favorite line in this story is one that underscores how Walker fails to
suspend my disbelief over the situation:
"If you want, you can come in my panties..." she began.
I laughed pretty hard. This point comes midway in the narrative, after the
boys have been jacking off together with some magazines and one of the
sisters, who is 12, is ready to join in the fun. This comes after almost no
sexual build-up on the girl's part, and is one of her first lines of dialogue.
I should give Walker some credit with the last third of the story. He does
manage to build up some nice (and fairly hot!) scenes that are very different
from the no-frills head-first start. Still, I can't help but think that this
one was written in two different stages, and sewn together too quickly in the
middle. It leaves a disjointed feeling for the reader.
Rating: 6
"Seven and One Is Two" by Val White (val72@hotmail.com). This review is the
personal opinion of Kim, who can be contacted at ghost@nym.alias.net
Well here I am again, Celeste's SF reporter calling in from outer space. Tell
me, does the term "Slash" mean anything other than cutting someone with an
edged weapon?
Well, in this case it means the sort of hot fan-fiction written about fantasy
characters, usually Star Trek, and often gay in content. The term slash being
derived from the "/" character used to separate the story codes. Should you
want to read an interesting article on the whole Slash genre, then you could
do a lot worse than point your browser at
http://www.ilt.columbia.edu/projects/live_culture/lc1/articles/slash.html for
a good explanation.
This particular story is set aboard the star ship Voyager, captained by the
fabulous Catherine Janeway. Into the crew's lives has come the enigmatic and
stunning Borg babe, "Seven of Nine". The Borg don't go in for flashy names,
they live as a commune, rather like insects. As ruthless a bunch of folk as
your likely to encounter should you happen to be ambling about the cosmos.
Cut off from the collective, poor SofN is having to adapt to human ways and
customs. To this end she consults the Captain on how best to integrate with
the crew socially. The conversation gets round to matters intimate and sexual.
One thing leads to another and pretty soon the Captain is giving SofN some
very personal tuition.
I have to admit to this one pressing plenty of buttons for me. Star Trek is
one of my favorite television phenomena, and Voyager may even be my favorite.
Girl/girl sex is nearly always a good thing in my book. As for the story, well
it is what it is; unashamedly slash fiction. Take
away the Star Trek and you'd have a perfectly presentable lesbian encounter,
but nothing really outstanding. But that's not the point, so I'm gonna mark it
as slash fiction. I adored it. The rest of you may want to pass.
Ratings for "Seven and One Is Two"
Athena (technical quality): 9 (Nothing wrong, just not sparkling)
Venus (plot & character): 9 (The Capt. licks the new girl -- yeah!)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 10 (I wanted to give it straight tens, but... )
"The Personal Trainer" by SR (parasol_60@yahoo.com). This reviewer has never
taken part in cyber sex.... OK, you can stop laughing/gasping in disbelief!
I'm not deprived or disapproving, it's just not my thing. So it took me a few
lines to realize to appreciate why the author chose the spelling/typing style
she/he did. This story is an online MF dialog in which the woman describes her
sexual fantasy about a male personal trainer to her cyber lover.
What at first seemed sloppy presentation is, of course, an imitation of the
typing style people trying to communicate swiftly online adopt. So there are
missing letters, capitals, etc. - but this is in tune with the story, not
errors on the part of the author. At least that's my assumption. This style
does make it harder to read, particularly the absent paragraph breaks.
Paragraph are used to indicate alternate speakers, so there are none within
the woman's long sections. Bit of a dilemma - go for verisimilitude, as the
author has - or adopt standard presentation and be easier to follow. They're
both good schemes.
The sex is hot and straightforward!<g> I enjoyed the detail:
>He closed his eyes as the throaty moans from my mouth vibrated the
>swollen head of his cock, and began to gently sway back and forth.
Though it's difficult to pick a quote - so much is so well described. All in
all, a good story. Not much characterization - though of course it's a bit
short for that - but a fun read.
Ratings for "The Personal Trainer"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Bronwen (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Lawyer from Akron" by SR (mailto:parasol_60@yahoo.com). Guest review by
The Bear (mailto:thebear@io.com).
Interesting coincidence: I had just finished reading this story on ASS
and was preparing to send a complimentary note to the author when I checked
my email and found that Celeste had sent me the story for a review. I already
wrote my note to the author; now here is my review to let potential readers
know about this new author to watch for.
"The Lawyer from Akron" purports to be a captured chat session between the
eponymous lawyer and a chatroom temptress using the name Paranoid. I'm not an
aficionado of online chat, but this piece has the ring of authenticity to it.
After some flirtatious banter and getting to know each other, the pair get
down to a hot description of his preferences in getting head, and her
preferences in giving it. If anyone finds the early parts of the story a bit
slow, the final few paragraphs should more than make up for it.
Rereading the story for purposes of this review, I had some difficulty with
the first two ratings. The plot is minimal, the character development limited
by the chosen format. Punctuation and capitalization seem natural for a chat
session in which the chatters don't deem such niceties important. I decided
that both are appropriate to the story, and gave it 10s all around.
BTW, readers who enjoy this story will be pleased to learn that the author
posted several other pieces in similar format (chat sessions) although with a
variety of plots. They're worth a search on DejaNews, or a trip to Eli's ASSM
Archive when it is back up.
Ratings for "The Lawyer from Akron":
Athena (technical merit): 10
Venus (plot and character): 10
Bear (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Duty" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). This author has learned to
write like a behavioristic teacher. We teachers say things like, "Do you want
to read Hamlet or Macbeth next?" Actually, if they had to read at all, our
students would prefer to read Stephen King or maybe Sports Illustrated or
probably TV guide. But it's best to give them the illusion of control. And
so the lieutenant says to the peasant woman, "Do you want me to rape you here
in the main square while the men use cattle prods on you, or would you prefer
to go inside the house and be my sweetheart? Macbeth looks shorter, and
there probably are no cattle prods in the house, and there's no chance of
getting out of the assignment anyway, and so she becomes the lieutenant's
sweetheart pro tem.
The lieutenant is a graduate of the School of the Americas - not the one in
South Bend where they play football, but rather the one that the US
government operates to train military officers from Latin America. I'm sure
some readers will enjoy this story of a[n] officer exploiting a peasant woman
as "really great sex." I found it to be a genuinely realistic portrayal of a
real asshole.
Ratings for "Duty"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Nextdoor" by Friar Dave (friar.dave@teamhbbs.com). The single father comes
home from work early and discovers his only child Jan, who is 12-years-old, in
the shower with Marty, the much older physical fitness instructor who lives
next door. Eavesdropping briefly, the father concludes that the activities in
the shower include anal intercourse. Since he doesn't want to traumatize his
child, the father decides to wait until they're finished and confront them.
As I read this story, I grew suspicious. Friar Dave is a good, creative
author, and this story bordered on the banal. I began to consider the
possibility that maybe there was a punch line - maybe things weren't what they
seemed to be. Maybe the father had jumped to the wrong conclusion and taken
me with him- maybe the child and friend were just giving the dog a bath or
something. So I tried to read the story with possible innocent meanings in
mind.
I was right. Things weren't what I thought they were. But I still missed the
surprise ending. Maybe you'll have better luck. It was an enjoyable story.
Ratings for "Nextdoor"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
GRAMMAR TIP OF THE WEEK: Some readers have encouraged me to resume these
grammar tips. If you have suggestions or comments, please send them to me.
INTO & ONTO. The word INTO is not always a proper replacement for IN TO, nor
is the word ONTO always replacement for ON TO.
INTO means "to a place or position; in toward." Into actually has several
more meanings, but the key point is that very often "in" and "to" need to be
separated:
WRONG: She gave into his demands and agreed to have sex
with him and his ex-girlfriend.
RIGHT: She gave in to his demands and agreed to have sex
with him and his ex-girlfriend.
ABSOLUTELY SILLY: After he read the marriage manual for two
hours, he went INTO see if he could pop his wife's cherry.
ONTO means "to a place or position; upon." In other cases "on" and "to" need
to be separated.
WRONG: He rubbed the oil into her buttocks and then went
ONTO her breasts. {This means he mounted her breasts.}
RIGHT: He rubbed the oil into her buttocks and then went
ON TO her breasts. {This means he continued by rubbing
oil into her breasts}
WRONG: The foreplay was so exciting that she could hardly wait
to move ONTO the real sex.
RIGHT: The foreplay was so exciting that she could hardly wait
to move ON TO the real sex.
WRONG: He bucked up and down so wildly that I was unable to
hold onto his cock with my pussy muscles. {"mussels" would
be a different error - or an interesting metaphor}
RIGHT: He bucked up and down so wildly that I was unable to
hold on to his cock with my pussy muscles.
ABSOLUTELY SILLY: He had so much fun fucking his mother
that he went ONTO bob the knob with his sister and aunts
as well.
ADDENDUM TO LAST ISSUE'S GRAMMAR TIPS: A reviewer called this to my
attention. When you're using direct quotations, do NOT use the past tense to
express the exact words of quotations that someone said in the past. However,
when using indirect quotations, it is necessary, and often complicated, to put
the quotations in the past tense, even if the words were present tense when
stated.
WRONG: Henry looked at her as she gazed out the window.... "Where
the hell were we?" she thought.
RIGHT: Henry looked at her as she gazed out the window.... "Where
the hell are we?" she thought.
RIGHT: I wondered where the hell we were.
RIGHT: She wondered where the hell they were.
WRONG: She thought, "Was I going to meet his expectations?"
RIGHT: She wondered whether she would meet his expectations.
WRONG: She asked herself, "How many of these guys did I fuck last
night?"
RIGHT: She asked herself how many of these guys she had fucked
previous night.
--
+--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+
| story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us |