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From: redjill@aol.com (Red Jill)
Subject: TERROR IN THE 100 ACRE WOOD by RJ
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 This story contains violent scenes of an adult nature. It also goes to show
that parents when forced to watch the same movies over and over and over tend
to go a little whacko! We find ourselves thinking of alternate storylines for
the charachters our kids love so much. I've had this story for some time and I
realized there was sex in it so what better place to put it than this board?
Enjoy, and dont worry, I'm really not as looney as you might think after
reading this. but then again, maybe I am, how would you know?


                              POOH GOES APESHIT
                                By A.A. Milne


    Everything was rather quiet in the hundred acre wood. The trees whispered
to
each other as the wind rustled their leaves. Under a large oak tree, there
lived Pooh bear.   
    From inside Pooh's house, there came a steady bang...bang...bang!, that was
making his honey jars rattle on the sideboard. The light shone brightly through
the window and in the evening sun Pooh raised the axe once more and brought it
down on the tattered remains of Christopher Robin.
  "Why...won't...he...fit..." puffed Pooh to himself as the axe came down once
more. There was a small pile of earth, and a hole next to it, which Pooh had
hidden with his
favourite rug. Christopher Robin, selfish brat that he was, didn't quite fit in
the hole Pooh had dug, so instead of making it wider he had decided to hack
Christopher Robin's legs off. "A far more sensible idea", thought Pooh, and
hummed a little song to himself as he cut the last tendon and rammed the rest
of the body in the hole, finally covering it up with the rug. "Always too
bossy", thought Pooh, "Always too bossy, always grabbing me by the paw and
saying 'Come on Pooh lets have an adventure' or 'Pooh you are silly!' in that
affected cutesy spoilt little brat voice, and his stupid little shorts -
bastard!"

Pooh had waited all afternoon for Christopher Robin to come round, humming a
little tuneless song to himself whilst gazing blankly into the fire and
fondling the oaken handle of the axe. When C.R. had finally turned up squeaking
in his child-actor voice  "Come on Pooh, open up!"                             
            
  Pooh had answered the door normal as anything and then went to the cupboard
and fetched the axe. While C.R. had sat there, prattling on about what a silly
bear Pooh was and how he had very little brain (which wound Pooh up no end)
Pooh had raised the axe high and brought it down with a satisfying thud on
Christopher Robin's skull, cleaving it virtually in two freezing C.R's eyes
wide in horror that Pooh, lovable Pooh, could do
such a thing! Pooh giggled a little and wiped his mouth with a shaky paw. 
   Then Pooh, calm as anything, had mopped up the blood,washed the axe and
begun to dig the hole.
    Piglet had wondered why Pooh had not called for him that morning to have
his tea and biscuits and so he decided to visit Pooh instead. He admired the
evening sun, and listened to the birds singing. Pooh watched him get nearer and
nearer, and plugged in the drill.
    Piglet had no time to realise what had happened - the drill pierced his
skull sending a beautiful fountain of blood all over Pooh's orange hide. He
rubbed the blood in and all over himself then he pulled Piglet inside and put
him in the cupboard. The syringe lay on the sideboard, and Pooh picked it up,
paws shaking and sweating, and filled it full of solution of the funny white
powder that had been given to him by a strangely spaced-out Rabbit.
    Rabbit, who had been getting annoyed by lack of privacy in the hundred acre
wood had changed and was always busy with his new hobby but delighted in
sharing with Pooh. Filling the syringe and plunging it deep Pooh felt a strange
effect at first but then experienced a euphoric feeling of power. It made him
irritable, and C.R. and Piglet had gotten everything that was coming to them,
Piglet especially! God! The way he whined all over the place about being 'such
a small animal ' . How much of that moronic bullshit was one bear supposed to
take? 
    Pooh pulled out the old dusty bottle of Johnny Walker Red he kept for those
trying nights when Tigger would go on and on about those GOD DAMN effalumps and
mother lovin woozles. When night had fully fallen, Pooh finally dragged the
bodies out and tossed them in a makeshift grave.

"Adios, dear 'friends'", Pooh giggled, "Things are going to change around the
100-acre wood now I'm in charge" he laughed hysterically and went indoors.

The next day Tigger and Roo made their way happily to Pooh's house, to see
if he knew where C.R. and Piglet were, as no-one had seen them since yesterday.
 They were sure Pooh would know but when they reached Pooh's house the door was
wide open and Pooh was nowhere to be seen. Tigger and Roo looked inside Pooh's
house and noticed a large hole in Pooh's floor and a notice was stuck on the
wall with a large blob of congealing honey " Ezekial 25:17" it read, though
neither of them could read.

Not even Tigger would have imagined what Pooh was up to at that moment. That
morning Pooh had woken with a splitting headache so he had taken a large dose
of the white powder and a little while later had a brilliant idea! He left the
house with a container marked INSECTICIDE in big red letters. He took the
container and went to Eeyor's favourite patch of thistles.

"This will serve that manic depressive donkey right" laughed Pooh aloud,
"always cheating at Pooh-sticks, motherfucker should just take his prozac, and
quit depressing the rest of us.", Pooh said to himself.

    Then he hid behind a tree to watch the unsuspecting Eeyor eat himself to
death - sheer poetic justice thought Pooh as he dumped the nearly dead body of
Eeyor in the same grave as C.R. and Piglet - "Shouldn't cheat should you?"
shouted Pooh as Eeyor's eyes stared with disbelief - "You're lucky I didn't
chop you up into little bits and feed you to Tigger!", laughed Pooh maniacally,
before he covered the makeshift grave over.

    When he returned to his house he was in an awful mood and all he needed to
make him absolutely mad was the sight of Tigger and Roo bouncing up and down
outside his house singing "bouncy, bouncy, fun, fun, fun,fun, fun, the
wonderful....". "'Wonderful'?", thought Pooh aloud, "My ass! you'd think the
writer of this shitty story could think up better lyrics for a song than that,
and to think, they released the soundtrack album on
cassette and CD; a lot of people are going to get screwed." This lightened
Pooh's mood somewhat, but the respite was brief.

    "What was that you said?", asked Roo.

   "God does he never stop asking , annoying pathetic questions?", Pooh thought
furiously, "I'm going to have to deal with these nimrods as well. Is there
no-one in this place with intelligence apart from me?" Pooh asked
despairingly."

    Pooh felt himself extremely lucky as Roo had to go home for his afternoon
sleep and that left Tigger at his mercy. "Time to bounce this asshole right
outta my life." Pooh whispered to himself as he followed the innocent Tigger to
the bridge to play Pooh sticks.

    Once on the bridge a rather pointless game of Pooh-sticks was under way,
Pooh thought he'd much rather push his stick up Tigger's ass rather than
throwing it into the stream. 
    Tigger was leaning over the side of the bridge looking for his stick. So he
did not see Pooh's wide horrific grin as he outstretched his arms and moved
toward Tigger .
   "Cats hate water, tee hee, " Bounce your funky striped ass out of THIS you
dumb  BASTARD!" laughed Pooh, as he shoved him over the side.There was a loud
splash as Tigger hit the water and started to struggle as his head was covered
by water, he gulped and choked. Pooh was holding on to the rail of the bridge
and jumping up and down with excitement and was joyously shouting at the
drowning Tigger. " and the most wonderful thing about THIS ,asshole, is that
YOU were the only ONE!!!! HAA HAA HAAA!!!!!

    "Why?", spluttered Tigger as he slowly started to turn blue with the cold,
which Pooh found hysterical because after all a blue Tigger?? How absolutely
silly.
"I'll tell you why you bastard", screamed Pooh, "It serves you right, hiding
behind trees and jumping out, and scaring the shit out of people." But Tigger
did not hear Pooh's answer as he was already floating downstream face down in
the water, dead - "Good riddance", laughed Pooh, and looked at his watch,"Still
time to get that little dick head Roo before he wakes up."

Pooh sneaked to the sleeping form of Roo's mum and saw Roo's ear poking out of
her pouch - "Now I've got you, you little shit", Pooh thought, smiling, as he
threaded a needle with extra strong cotton. He was jolly grateful for Piglet's
sewing lessons now, because he would be able to sew up Roo nice and tightly so
he would not be able to get out and his mum would not be able to rescue him. So
very slowly and carefully Pooh began to sew Roo into his pouch . Kanga
apparently was a heavy sleeper, for she didnt even stir while Pooh staked her
out in the yard. She awoke to see Pooh moving her tail out of the way, and
Roo's ever weakening plea for air. Pooh looked at her with an evil grin before
taking out his little Pooh penis and pushing it into her.The wood echoed with
her cries as Pooh rutted away on her like a crazed animal, before bashing her
head in with a hunny pot.

    Kanga's cries had alerted Owl who flew down to land before Pooh. Before he
could assume that pompous stuffed feathered expression Pooh swung with a shard
of the hunny pot he'd been saving as a souvenier and planted it in Owl's
throat. He walked on leaving Owl in a pool of his own blood, grumbling " not so
smart now are you Owlie boy?"

    On the way home Pooh stopped by Rabbits." Please Rabbit,I did as you asked,
have you got any more?" With a knowing grin Rabbit handed Pooh the vile. " that
horse ridin ya hard ehh pooh?" Laughing to himself Rabbit stood back and
watched Pooh go. He finally went back inside and lit up something from his very
special garden, drawing the sweet smoke into his lungs and thinking how quiet
it would be now that there were no more pests in the wood, thanks to Pooh,and
what a clever rabbit he was.

   By the time Pooh got home he had puked up several times and was very
desperate
for some more of the white solution. He trembled as he picked up the syringe
and gave himself the remaining amount. An awfully large amount, one might say
for a small little bear like Pooh. In fact too much, Pooh died of an overdose
but he died with a smile on his face: he was dreaming that he was the only
teddy bear made with a woody, and how things would change now - but that is a
story for another day.


                                    THE END      ( rofl )

=================================




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