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From: SR <parasol_60@yahoo.com>
Subject: NEW STORY: (SR) Raven Hair (MF chat/mail)
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<DISCLAIMER>
miners can't read without those lamp-hats on their heads. feel free to
copy or archive. do whatever you want with it, just don't blame me. i
think i've almost got the hang of this.

<BACKGROUND>
in the remotest depths of 1991 or 1992 or 1993 -- back when the
worldwide web was just a gleam of spit in the corner of marc
andreesen's pouty little mouth -- i spent lots and lots of time (and
LOTS AND LOTS of money) dialed up to an annoying little bulletin board
somewhere in america's heartland. it was an addiction that i thought
i'd kicked... but sometimes on cold winter nights when my boyfriend is
miles away it comes back.

if you recognize yourself as a combatant in any of these, feel free to
contact me (parasol_60@yahoo.com) but no flames, please, cuz i'm a
delicate frail flower who might not be able to stand it.

<OBLIGATORY WHITESPACE>








<INTRODUCTION BY SR>
This story is introduced by "Raven Hair," who captured the initial
conversation, the email messages that followed, and subsequent chats.
A little followup information is appended to enhance your reading
pleasure.

<INTRODUCTION BY RAVEN HAIR>
I did not "record" the beginning of this conversation.  It is a
conversation I had with a 34-year old divorced man "Mike".  I ("Raven
Hair" -- Indian shaman-woman-in-training) had been explaining my
relationship with the Earth Mother and her training as a Medicine
Woman of the Odawa Medicine Society. The man had already explained
that he had some native American Heritage on his mother's side.
Medicine Woman has just been describing the way in which a Medicine
Woman must be bisexual, but that she needs to understand much more
about "male energy".  She is asking him for help in understanding male
ways...

[Chat capture initiated in progress...]

<R> My teacher, my Shaman has told me that I must be able to
understand both male and female ways, if I am to become a Medicine
Woman or Shaman.  I have had experiences with both men and women, but
my sensing of male powers is weak, because I don't have much experience.

<M> I will try to help as much as I can, but you will have to guide me
a little as to what exactly you may be looking for.

<R> Hmmm.  There is so much.  I need to understand -perhaps you can
describe it-what it feels like to need a woman.  I don't know how that
would be for a man.  And since you have some Native background,
perhaps I will be able to connect with you spiritually as you describe
your feelings.  I will do what I can to lead you.

<M> OK. There are really a couple of ways a man could need a woman,
but the physical, I guess, is not so much the need of a woman, as it
is a need for sexual release. I mean, physically the urge can be
satisfied by anyone. But to need a woman emotionally, even spiritually
...that is not so easy to describe...it is more than the need to be
loved, which is probably strong in all of us. For me, there is an
essence of womanhood that provides a completeness....it is not as if
each is only a half, but the two, when souls combine, become a greater
whole. And when the separation occurs, there is almost a feeling of
inadquacy; of something missing....that creates a need. We men than do
many different things, mostly making fools of ourselves, to fullfill
that need....that inner yearning. And often we confuse it with the
physical, and fall far short of achieving what it is we actually seek.

<R> You are wise.  I wondered as you wrote whether you have ever had
any Native training... Your description of completeness makes a lot of
sense.   All beings yearn for completeness, and achieve it at many
levels.  I also felt some pain in your language, as though you have
been deeply hurt at some time.  

<M> I have never had any Native training, but have always sensed
something deep within me that I often attributed to that part of my
heritage... unfortunately I live in an area where such is not common,
and I all too often allow it to be buried, rather than accept the
guidance it once gave me when I was younger. And yes, I have been
hurt...a very tragic divorce and separation from my daughters...but I
have also been blessed with an abundant life....for one cannot
appreciate the sweet without tasting the bitter.

<R> Indeed.  That is native wisdom.  Some of our Elders say that all
whites are now Native Americans, that they don't know it yet.  We hope
that the white culture will learn to honor Mother Earth as we do.  I
am dedicated to Mother Earth, myself.  This is why I must learn male
and female ways.  

<M> Yes. I am learning more of the respect we all must learn to pay to
Mother, and long ago learned to accept that She also has a spirit and
feels the pain that mankind has inflicted upon her.

<R> She also feels the pleasure we bring.  We think enough about
hurting the Earth,  we don't think that our pleasures are good for
her. This is deep wisdom from the Spirit.  Smelling a flower, tasting
a good meal, and enjoying deep and ecstatic sex are pleasures that
make Her happy.  That is why I am here tonight.  What about you?

<M> You are very wise, Ravenhair. I come here for different
reasons...I seek friendship, and fulfill fantasies. Both are very
pleasurable.

<R> So, in that I know you a bit - you have shared from the heart with
me, and I am honored that you would do that - do you wish to share a
fantasy with me?  Would you like to make love with an Indian Medicine
Woman (in training...)??

<M> It would be I who is honored by your request. Actually, a long
unfulfilled fantasy is to make love to an Indian Woman... in training
or not.

<R> If you wish, then... tell me how you might like it - but let me
know, too, that you are concentrating your spiritual energy on me.  I
want to see if I can really feel it this far away.

<M> I will do my best. I enjoy taking my time, and my pleasure is
entwined in the pleasure that I can give to you. I guess that I would
first enjoy a walk with you, under the stars, possibly beside a
flowing river. As we become more comfortable in each other's
prescence, I would take your hand in mine, and gently bring it to my
lips, as I looked deeply into your eyes, trying to join our spirits,
probing the depths of your wisdom and beauty. Bending my head a
little, I would kiss you, gently at first, then more passionately, as
our tongues entangle. I would stroke my hand through your long raven
tresses, then start to rub your back, feeling the softnes of your skin
I as I run my hand up under your blouse, drawing you closer to me. 

<R> Oh, please... There is a wonderful place near here where a meadow
runs down to the river... That's where I am, with you.  It is cool but
your body feels hot against mine, and your breath on my neck makes me
shiver.  I am breathing faster, because I know in my heart that you
are going to take me completely, and I intend to give myself
entirely to your pleasure.  Your kisses inflame me, my folds of flesh
at the opening to my pleasure place are wet.  My hand trembles as you
slide your hand up the back of my blouse.  I tell you, "Open my
blouse, now.  I need to feel your lips and your hot breath on my
breasts... Please do it.

<M> I open your blouse, and slide it from your lovely shoulders,
exposing your breasts, and I watch as the cool air causes your nipples
to become erect. I begin to kiss your shoulder, working down your
neck, running my lips and tongue between your breasts. I pull you down
to me, and gently lay you on the lush meadow. I press my lips to
yours, caressing your breast, then begin my downward path once again.
as I reach the valley between them, I begin to circle the base of one,
working my way in ever decreasing circles upward to your erect,
trembling nipple. Gently I take it between my lips, carressing it with
the tip of my tongue, feeling your body respond as you press against
my willing
mouth. I then dedicate myself to the pleasure of your other breast,
repeating the lavishing I have given to the first, then drawing as
much of your breast as I can into my eager, hungry mouth.

<R> Oh! I am gasping and shuddering with delight.  Your gentle tongue
and warm mouth light a fire in my belly that will not go out.  I feel
the need for you racing up and down my naked flesh.  I reach toward
you, needing to feel your manhood.

<M> I remove my shirt, allowing your hands to explore my chest. I then
reach to remove your pants, and my own. This done, I once again flick
each nipple lightly with the tip of my tongue, then begin to kiss your
belly, decending to the mysteries of your womanhood. My mouth seeks
out the inside of your thigh, then traces a path back up, trailing
thru the jungle of your pubic curls, and down the other thigh. 

<R> I gasp

<M> I then lick my way back up to the apex of your desire, allowing my
tongue to trail teasingly ove the lips of your womanhood, then more
fully to your clitoris.

<R> My naked body shines with sweat in the moonlight, my breasts heave
and bounce from my quick and shallow breathing.  Each time your tongue
comes close... I gasp, needing more.  I need to touch your manhood.  I
pull you around, finding it hard and ready.  Keeping your face buried
in my raven black fuzz, I draw your glistening cock-head close to my
lips.  I stare in wonder at the thickness and strength of it, and I
feel a desire to drink its sweet juices.  Would that be good, my love?

<M> That would be most pleasurable. The foreskin has never been
removed from my cock...I hope you don't mind.

<R> It's wonderful!. That's the way the Mother made you... I love it.
Opening my thighs and pulling myself a little closer, I invite your
wonderful tongue back into my wetness, and, cupping your balls in one
hand, I wrap my hand gently around your swollen cock and give it a
little pump.  Just a little, teasing you.  I feel your tongue
probing deeper into my depths, and I gasp again, as it releases
another burst of pleasure into my belly.  Opening my lips, I guide
your cock toward my face, pulling back the hood as I lower my mouth. 
I let the hot breath fall over the purple, throbbing head, then lick
at the glistening droplet of things yet to come... Enough of teasing
you, I close my lips and slide your cock between them, feeling you
jerk with pleasure.  Your breath is faster, and I feel your hips
trembling.

<M> The smell of the meadow-grass mingles with the scent of your
womaness, and the sweat of our bodies. My tongue parts the lips of
your pleasure, and explores the very depths of your pussy. My hands
knead the firm flesh of your buttocks, pulling your mound closer that
I may delve even deeper. You lips and tongue drive me to distraction,
as I taste the juices that flow from your love-box.

<R> Oh! it's here! ... I press my hips against your face, and my body
shudders. My breasts press against your belly and I shake as waves of
pleasure radiate up from my pussy and shake my very soul.  You are
gentle, lover, and you let me relax so I can work on you next. 

<M> Indeed, I lick the last of your juices, than roll over on my back
to allow you to continue.

<R> I press my breasts against your sweaty body, rubbing my nipples
back and forth across your hairy belly. Then I lower my head again,
slowly slowly slowly until I feel you jump at the contact.  Then,
wanting you, wanting your male cream, wanting you to give it to me and
let me drink your male essence, I drop my head, engulfing your
throbbing cock deep in my throat.  I start pulling back up, then down,
up, then down, I am mad for your cream, I want it all. Give me your
sweet cream! I pump your cock with with wildness of the wind, Like a
mare, serving a stallion.  I want it.  Let me drink your sweet
maleness...

<M> Please do....I thrust toward your loving mouth....ready to fire my
thick male cum at your desire and demand.

<R> Please. I pull back a second and say, "Feed it to me. Let me drink
your cream."  I lower my lips again, and pump up and down, again and
again, I cup your churning balls in my hand, squeezing lightly, and
drive your cock deep into my throat.

<M> I begin to tremble and spasm. I entwine my fingers in your raven
locks, begging you to drink me in.

<R> I run my tongue around the swollen head, inflamed with wanting
your seed.  I pump up and down again, begging for you to release your
sweet pleasure-juice into my throat.  How I want to feel it spurting
against the back of my throat, and feel the strength of your male
potency in my mouth!

<M> I am ready...I am yours.

<R> Pumping madly, I squeeze your balls, and feel your cock-head
swelling even more against the back of my throat.  My lips do a dance
of pleasure on the up-stroke, and I engulf you hungrily, begging for
your cream.  Give it to me, lover. Please..

<M> My cock throbs and jerks, and the cream you demand begins to spurt
in great thick gobs.

<R> I feel the cream splash against the back of my throat, and I am
filled with joy, hearing you groan in ultimate pleasure, releasing
your male essence into my mouth. Your spurts of hot seed are too much
for me, and I pull back to get my breath, allowing some of it to spurt
against my lips.  My hair falls in disarray over your twitching
member, and bits of cum splatter into it, too.  I lick your cock, as
the tremendous power of the orgasm slowly wanes, cleaning off all the
sweetness.  I lift my head, licking my lips, and crawl up to your
face.  I plant a deep, wet kiss on your lips, letting you taste some
of the wonderful gift you just gave me.

<M> I kiss you in return, drawing you close, feeling your warm
pleasant body against mine, as I caress your face and stroke your
hair. I would love to continue this, but I just looked at the time and
was supposed to meet my mother 5 mins ago. Will we talk again?

<R> If the Mother wills it, we will share pleasures again... in this
world or the next.. who knows.  You may have just been to "heaven", my
lover.

=====================================================================
Next Day:
=====================================================================
Message #1
From: JustSo 10495
To: Raven Hair 11977
Subject: deepest apologies

Hello, Ravenhair. I feel I must apologize, although I had no control
over the abrupt way we were disconnected. I should have told you that
we were experiencing some sporadic electical storms in this area, but
I just got caught up in our conversation. Earlier I had been knocked
out of forum, then completely off the board. I had only been back on a
minute or so when you logged on. During the time we talked the lights
flicked a few times, but I had hoped that everything would stay on.
Then, at the very end, all my power went out. I waited a couple of
minutes to see if it would return, but it didn't so I went on to my
mother's. She lives about 4 miles away, and we are doing some
remodling of her house, so that we can divide it. I will be moving
over there soon, and buying the place from her...but we each like our
privacy, hence that renovation. I had to go over to check a couple of
things out. I very deeply hated to leave you with the impression that
I just dumped you. Again, my apologies. I immensely enjoyed our
conversation: every aspect of it. You are a .... sorry, words fail me.
I have never had an experience such as we shared...Thank you very
much. I am as interested in your culture and in what you are becoming
as I am in you as an intensly desirable woman. I know that you will
make a wonderful Shaman. You have uncapped the well of my desire to
know more of the heritage left ot me by my Native ancestors, and I
thank you for it. I have never fully felt a part of the White Man's
world, but felt I would not be welcomed as a true Native. It is if a
part of my soul is Indian, trapped in a white shell...or maybe I'm
just a White man who wants to believe he's a Native...

Regardless, never have I experienced anything so intense and totally
sensual on this BBS...nor probably in real life. I am not falling in
love with you, at least not in the terms of the world....I know not
how to describe the feeling...it was so much of a joining...so much
more thatn a physical experience...I was not loving just your body,
but, it seemed, your essence. The words are inadequate to describe,
yet I think you will understand. I know not if you experience was in
any way the same, but I do hope you will forgive the parting, and that
the future might allow us another chance to share cultures and
pleasures.

I leave you one more thing, as a token of my trust and appreciation. I
am aware that there is much power in a name, and so I tell you
mine....My first is Michael, my second Henry. I hope you will call me
Friend.

JustSo


Message #2
From: JustSo 10495
To: Raven Hair 11977
Subject: addendum

Just wanted to add one more thing...I don't really know if this was
the linking of our spirit energies, or what...maybe you would have a
better idea.

For nearly for days now I have suffered with a migraine
headache...never have I had one so severe, nor any longe than 10 or 12
hours, max. But for all that it is still with me even now, during the
time that we shared I felt no pain at all....and it continued that way
for sometime after the disconnection. Maybe I was just so intensly
involved with you that I just forgot about it...but afterwards I was
conscious of NOT having the pain...and of when it began to come back.
I thank you for the respite, regardless of the how or why.

I am humbly at your service.
Mike (JustSo)


Send private mail

To: JustSo 10495
From: Raven Hair 11977
Subject: Re: addendum


Mike,

If your parting was abrupt, your memory lingered with me the rest of
the evening.  I felt a heart-contact with you, and I kept a warm
twinge deep in my belly as I recalled our conversation.  I have seen
migranes or serious headaches of other kinds clear up when I have
spoken to people from the heart, and helped them to likewise open up. 
I think that, whatever the physical cause of headaches, the spiritual
cause is a combination of alienation and fear.  Maybe also
hopelessness.  Anyway, letting go, even for a while, and knowing that
the Earth Mother loves and supports you through people who are open to
her, can help to cure the deeper cause of headaches.  I have seen
migraines dissipate just from screaming.  Sometimes people go out to a
far, wild place and just scream.  Then they relax, come home, and go
on with life in a quiet, centered way, knowing that they are loved,
that they have a purpose.

You are loved.  Because of my distance and my anonymity, I can only
love you in a meagre way, perhaps bringing you a bit of physical
release.  But my spiritual gift to you is to rekindle your love for
your Mother, and invite you back into a healthy relationship with her
and with her children.  Study the wisdom of your roots, both Native
and European.  There is much to learn.

Be at peace with yourself, and put aside guilt and fear. You are loved.

Ravenhair says so.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
*        Entering Chat Mode         *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Chat from: Raven Hair 11977
Chat to: JustSo 10495

<M> Hello, and again I apologize. I kicked the phone line loose, and
am quite embarassed.

<R> Well, you should be... (smile)  I don't really mean that.  I had a
nice conversation with a couple while you were gone.  They wanted me
to have phone sex with them.  He wanted to fuck my ass.  I'm not sure
I'm into that.  I have much more fun with "straighter" sex.

<M> I can understand that. You can run into all kinds on this board,
and I've run into some pretty wild ones, altho I try to stay away from
the more blantant ones.

<R> So, first, I have to sign off soon . sorry, but second, did you
read my response to you.  I said some important things about your
headaches. I need to know if I am "feeling" you right.

<M> Yes, I read your response, and I think you are right. I haven't
tried the scream yet...have grown too used to holding so much inside
that I forget that I don't have to in private. I will try that. The
headache has been much less severe today, and I think part of that was
our rapport yesterday. Tahnk you.

<R> My purpose is to be a healer.  I get my "kicks" out of knowing
that I am "feeling" someone's spirit correctly, then trusting my
knowledge of the Spirits to give that person what they need. 
Sometimes it's an herbal remedy, sometimes it's a sense of being in
touch - just someone to talk to, sometimes it's sex.  I have to "know"
with an inner knowing what helps a given person.  I was hoping that I
had helped you.  I hope you don't mind being an experiment of mine?

<M> Be my guest, and feel free to experiment all you desire with me. I
have enjoyed the experience of knowing you this very short time, with
an intesity that I cannot hardly comprehend. I am glad to be able to
help you in whatever small way I can.

<R> The best way to help me is to focus on your own experience of
health.. maybe not the right word.  of wholeness, maybe.  Then let me
know whether my sense of what you need makes a difference to you. Your
connection to me has a very physical element now, in that I invited
you in a fantasy way, to make love with me... But were you loving me
or really taking care of yourself?  That's one to ponder.   There are
about 30 men sending me all kinds of bizarre messages while I'm
typing.  If this was a real place I would get fucked 6 dozen times
tonight.

<M> Do you think you could handle that ? :) As far as weather I was
loving you or taking care of myself, I came to understand long ago
that the two were inseperable for me...to fully take care of my own
needs, I must give my love to my companion...and if her needs and
desires are not met, then my own cannot be fulfilled. I was loving
you, and not just sending words accross a computer screen...and the
wholeness I felt was not something I have ever experienced here before.

<R> That was a gift from the Earth Mother.  You see, the Mother loves
you and takes care of you whether you know it or not.  Even if you
don't believe a bit of anything about the Spirit world, The Mother
takes care of you.  Your chair is wood or metal from her body, your
house is her body.  Your car is her body.  In fact, you are the Earth,
looking at itself.  You and I are not separate from the Earth and from
her love.  Ponder that, and learn to see it everywhere.  Then you will
enhance the mystic in you.  And prople will begin to think that you've
flipped.  And you will enjoy life as never before, and every act of
pleasure, even sex, will come alive in a new way.  That's my gift to
you tonight.   I really must go soon... :(

<M> My own believes coincide very closly...but i fear I have not lived
up to those belifefs in quite a while...it is too easy to be drawn
away into the material and physical, and let them be supplanted by the
spiritual, rather than enhanced by them. I believe all living things
have a spirit,and the Earth is Living. I believe that one should try
to be as in tune as possible with that which is spiritual, and you
have indeed granted me a specail gift in helping me back on to that
road.

<R> I must go.  If you need me, touch my spirit.  If you need my
touch, or my physical comfort, you may fuck me in your dreams.  I will
watch, and try to be aware of your need.  I have to go.

<M> You honor me, Ravenhair. I hope I may prove worthy of that honor,
and return it to you. Go with my soul, and grace.

<R> Thank you.  See you in the dream world... Let's have some fun
there. Bye.

<M> Indeed...and some fun when we see each other again. Good night!

=============================

<EDITOR'S NOTES -- SR>

"Raven Hair" was a 50-year-old man from mid-state suburban Michigan...
I actually knew him best by the name "StarChild" but he also went by a
number of other names on the bbs including "Jondalar" and "Merlin." He
also wrote some stories under the pen-name "Andy Benedette" -- they
may be posted somewhere sometime. He had read a book about Indian
mysticism and thought he was all that. Who knows, maybe he was.

"Mike" was a 34-year-old man from Maryland who was a fairly close
friend -- such as it was. When I learned about their so called
"relationship" I told Mike the truth about his friend "Raven Hair". He
was not happy.

A few months later Mike supposedly "asked a friend" to log on with his
name and to send mail to a few of us saying that Mike had died. I
later learned from him that around the same time he experienced a
nervous breakdown. 

Believe anything anyone says at your peril. Even me. 

Fuck... **ESPECIALLY** me.

                          -- SR

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