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From: Celeste801 <Celeste801@aol.com>
Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 262 - Feb 28
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Celestial Reviews 262 - February 28, 1998
Note: A Fundamentalist Minister in Alabama, sorely tempted, finally
propositioned the Choir director one night after practice, when they were
alone in the Church.
"Where Reverend ?" she enthusiastically replied.
"Right here on the floor." he panted.
"It'd be too cold." she whispered. "How about standing up ?"
"Good Lord girl. Have you taken leave of you senses ?" he shouted. "If
anyone came in, they'd think we were dancing."
Second note: There has been some discussion on a.s.s.d. recently about "the
reviewing process." Since Celestial Reviews is the main source of reviews on
this newsgroup, I guess some of that discussion has been about CR. Because
the a.s.s.d. newsgroup is so full of spam and because AOL gives me no
effective way to control spam within a newsgroup, I don't have time to follow
a.s.s.d. carefully; and so I may have a distorted impression of the discussion
there. In fact, I am almost CERTAIN that I have a distorted impression,
because the main point as I understand it is so blatantly silly.
What I see is a complaint that "the reviews" are having an unfortunate
tendency to weaken the quality of stories by scaring away good authors. This
happens, supposedly, because a clique of reviewers give low ratings in
personal preference to stories that they find to be personally displeasing.
These critics seem to think that a bunch of friendly people like myself and
the guest reviewers, who receive no payment at all for their services, are
supposed to rate stories based solely on their "quality," which can be
ascertained independently of their content. Either that or we're supposed to
selflessly boil down the plots of every conceivable story to just a few lines,
so that people can find the ones that sound good without the annoyance of
finding out whether we liked the story. {If that sounds silly, I warned you.
I suspect I am dealing with a "straw man" here, but that still gives me a
basis for making the following points.}
First, let me try to point out the basic lack of logic in this argument. If I
read a story in which a person writes coherent, complete sentences with a
well-developed plot about how much fun it is to have his wife shove shit down
his throat while he plays with his own penis, I think I have a right to
perceive this as abnormal or dysfunctional behavior. To say that this is a
well written story would miss the point: it's primarily a really silly story,
and it's only appropriate that I should point this out in a review.
As for personal attacks, I think we should avoid them. I personally dislike
personal attacks when people malign me. When one "critic" berated me for
"having no respect for author's rights," I was certainly annoyed. The attack
was absolutely preposterous and the person who said it should have known
better. On the other hand, he seemed to be a decent sort and probably had no
idea how abrasive he could be. I let that comment slide, and I encourage
others to let apparently hostile comments slide. These newsgroups give us a
forum in which it is sometimes hard to judge the nuances and real meanings of
what others want to say. I suppose I am viewed as abrasive sometimes by
people to whom I intend to be friendly. So it goes.
If the author in the shit-eating story I mentioned above insisted that his was
a "true" story, I'm not sure that it would be out of the question to consider
this author to be a bizarre person. If one of my guest reviewers states that
he hated a story because it romanticized sociopathic behaviors, I am not going
to insist that he say something nicer. I do NOT think that authors "get off
the hook" with simple disclaimers that "these events are fiction." If a
person writes a bdsm story that romanticizes cruelty and gives no basis for
accepting this scenario as either realistic or a good fantasy - in other
words, if the story itself pretty clearly says that it is fulfilling both to
the victim and the perpetrator when one person is brutally cruel to another
and gives no evidence to show why this is a sensible story -
then it makes sense to be critical of that story.
Keep in mind, however, that Edgar Alan Poe wrote GREAT stories in which the
plots and personalities were bizarre. Some people on this newsgroup do the
same. My humble advice is that when a responsible reviewer says a story sucks
the author should at least consider the possibility that the story could stand
substantial improvement.
Certainly, there are other cases where the difference between "normal" and
"dysfunctional" is not so clear. Pedophile and incest stories are a good
example. As I have said many, many times, I think society's prohibition of
these behaviors generally makes sense; and I would not be upset if people
convicted of abusive pedophile behaviors received severe punishment. I also
presume and pray that police officers hang around in cyberspace and track down
perpetrators who abuse real-life children through the Internet.
Having said this, I still think it is possible to write a good story about
pedophilia or incest. For example, I recall a story by Ann Douglas in which a
mother was afraid that her son would enter into a bad relationship and made
tender love to him as a step in preventing a bad decision on his part. I also
think it is natural for children to fantasize about sex with their parents -
isn't that what the Oedipus complex is all about? In real life, however, I do
NOT think that most mothers should play bury the salami with their sons; but I
have frequently given high ratings to stories that give a sensible depiction
of pedophile or incestuous behavior.
However, I would venture to say that 90% of the pedo/incest stories posted to
this newsgroup are childish gibberish - the output of adolescent or disturbed
imaginations of people who are trying to find approval for behaviors that
would be harmful to themselves and to others. I have no need to denounce
these people as evil or as perverts; in fact, I assume most of them are good
people. But it seems to me that it should not be surprising that a lot of
these stories are not worth recommending.
As a non-pedo/incest person, can I review these stories? Certainly I can. I
just may not WANT to spend my time on them very often - because stories that
are outright silly or that romanticize destructive behaviors are not a lot of
fun for me to read.
I honestly feel that I give a fair break to stories that are based on value
systems, premises, and life experiences that are different from my own.
Although many of my guest reviewers decline to review pedo/incest stories, I
wish they wouldn't do that so often. I suspect the reason they do so is that
they (1) find the task to be unpleasant or (2) feel they will say negative
things about the story because it seems objectively negative to them. I think
the first is a good reason, and the second not as good.
Anyway, I hope you continue to enjoy these Celestial Reviews. If the "appeal
to reviewer" rating bothers you, just skip it.
Personally, I consider these "reviews" to be more than reviews. For example,
I am not so stupid as to believe that my "review" of DG's "Call of Desire" was
really a review of that story - it was a story itself, using DG's story as a
jump-off point. At other times I inject anecdotes from my own life into a
review or poke fun at an author. I believe I am generally writing essays that
lots of people enjoy. I take great pleasure in doing this, and my readers seem
to like what I write. Many of the guest reviewers prefer a different style of
interacting with authors and reviewers, and I encourage them to keep right on
being themselves. These stories can be fun, and the reviews can make them
even more enjoyable.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Just This Once" by Jordan Shelbourne (romantic bdsm)
10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328591257
"Arg" by OddManOut (barbarian rape) 9, 9, 9
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328602152
"Paying for the Ride" by Spoonbender (elevator rape)
9, 7, 5
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327664759
"Roadside Encounter" by Tom Bombadil (abduction fantasy)
10, 10, 10
"Two Women, Two Fantasies" by DG (fantasy fulfillment)
10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426360
"Sacrificial Lamb" by Tiffany (sexual degradation) 7, 5, 3
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=315128607
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=315128602
Guest Reviews:
"Transparent Like Glass" by sfmaster (criminal sex) 9, 10, 9
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325300334
"Camping Out" by Val White (kiddy orgy) 8, 6, 4
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328602198
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=329250798
"Border Crossing" (MF MF) by Fenris (strip search & rape)
8, 9, 9
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324869379
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/8425.txt
"Until Dawn" by Kelly (romantic D/s) 8, 9, 9
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324869346
"Angela and Debbie Play Ten Questions" by the Warthog
(consensual gangbang) 9, 9, 9
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=313835419
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7055.txt
Reposted Reviews:
* "Snarl" by Uther Pendragon (playful sex) 10, 8, 9
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=194301848
* "Woman2Woman" by Candy Kane" (ff computer show
sex) 9.27A
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=329250794
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"Just This Once" by Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com). The author's stories
are available at http://www.u36.com/jordan.
For her 21st birthday Becky has arranged a semi-blind date with an older
married man she has met on the Internet. As soon as he meets her, he asks her
to insert a butt plug, and she acquiesces. Then they go out to dinner -
nouvelle cuisine. Plausible? Well, I guess it depends on what they have
already talked about via email. At the restaurant he gives her a safe word
and a quit sentence. And they're off to the races.
I'm not a big bdsm fan myself, but I really enjoyed this story. It's
intelligent - not childish. It focuses not on degradation or humiliation, but
on the mutual pleasure of both partners. Even if I never do this myself, this
story has broadened my horizons. I like that kind of story a lot.
Ratings for "Just This Once"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Arg" by OddManOut (oddman0ut@hotmail.com). The name "Arg" not only
designates the hero of this story, it also suggests his IQ, or at least his
level of civilization. In programs like Mathematica and Matlab "Arg" is the
term used to refer to the argument of a given function. The monosyllabic and
eponymous hero of this story is not a mathematician, and his functions are
severely limited. In this story, 'Arg' is the name of a barbarian warrior.
Those of you who found this story through DejaNews in a quest for tips on
Mathematica or Matlab will be disappointed. Instead, this story contains
graphic depictions of non-consensual sex in a fantasy setting. So be warned!
Apparently Arg has single-handedly conquered a band of warriors who owe
allegiance to the evil warlord Balrag. Among Arg's booty is the beautiful
young Nala. He feeds her and fucks her. In fact, he pops her cherry and
makes her enjoy it. I've never been raped by a barbarian - or even by a
lawyer, for that matter - but the description seemed realistic.
The author seems to play a little loose with his language. For example, I
don't know what he means by a "harrier," and wigwams were specialized
dwellings used by a limited number of American Indians, and North America does
not seem to be the setting of this story.
Ratings for "Arg"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Paying for the Ride" by Spoonbender (Theodore@spoonbender.demon.co.uk).
Lawrence has invited Beth to dinner. The invitation is for an awkward time,
but Beth seems to like Lawrence (who is wealthy), and so she accepts the
invitation. Besides, its at Horizons, one of the most interesting restaurants
in Toronto.
Now here's where my cultural ignorance puts me at a disadvantage. The woman
gives her last money to the cab driver, and then she discovers that she has to
pay twelve dollars to ride the elevator to the restaurant. The elevator
operator lets her ride for free, enigmatically saying that he'll be paid
later. The operator is accompanied by two Mafia-style goons, who hold Beth
while he rapes her. My cultural problem is that I don't understand (1) why a
person would have to pay to ride an elevator to meet someone in a restaurant,
(2) why she couldn't call ahead and get someone to summon her boyfriend to
help her, and (3) why there are no laws against raping women in elevators in
Toronto. I guess maybe this is what the author meant when he said he
exercised some artistic license.
Anyway, since rape is inevitable, she relaxes and enjoys it. Actually, she
doesn't enjoy it. She hates it. But she enjoys it. But she hates it. But
she agrees to do it again right away with another guy.
I want to avoid moralizing - I really do; and so don't take this as moral
disapproval. However, I'm not convinced that the author has set up a good
enough context to make me believe that this woman would react to a rape quite
the way she does.
And we STILL don't know how she's going to pay for the cab ride home!
Ratings for "Paying for the Ride"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Roadside Encounter" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). A man and his wife
are having one of those to-tell-the-truth sessions, and he is relating to her
an interesting sexual escapade from his college days.
I don't want to give you all the details. He is walking home from a late-
night study session, when a senior girl invites him into her van. He is
blindfolded and is promised a good time if he follows instructions. You can
well imagine what those instructions might be.
While the man is relating this story, his wife is giving him one hot ride.
Although the wife never speaks and the husband only vaguely describes what she
is doing to him (because he's trying to concentrate on the to-tell-the-truth
story, of course), I managed to get a rather inspiring picture of what was
happening to him. This was a very good storytelling technique.
Another excellent story!
Ratings for "Roadside Encounter"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Two Women, Two Fantasies" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com). The author's
stories are archived at http://www.io.com/~thebear/dgidx.htm.
Two couples are partying together and decided that it would be great to have
the wives write down their deepest, darkest fantasies and share them with
their husbands, who will help bring the fantasies to fruition. A few days
later one couple has a bdsm fantasy, the other is getting the massage of her
life.
I can't tell you much more, except to say that the author adds a postscript
indicating that he laughed his ass off when he thought of the idea. The story
also reminded me of the time my sister-in-law was in charge of assigning names
for the Christmas present exchange, and she assigned everyone her own name.
Actually, the title is wrong: there are MORE than two fantasies in this story.
I started this story with some apprehension, but I wound up laughing my own
ass off.
Ratings for "Two Women, Two Fantasies"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Sacrificial Lamb" by Tiffany. The husband has lost the family fortune and has
gone away to try to get a job. Mom is going to have to move in with Sis and
her gang of dysfunctional weirdoes. In order for Mom and the virgin daughter
to survive, the daughter is going to have to satisfy the sexual needs of these
sadistic perverts. Mom doesn't like the idea, of course; but she has an
orgasm every time she even thinks about sacrificing her cute little sex kitten
for the good of the family.
When they get off the bus to meet their relatives, they find that plans have
changed a little. There's a bit with an elderly black guy and the news that
Ginger's cherry will be popped by a neighbor (in exchange for a pig), and the
kids are even dumber than we have been led to believe.
These people make Arg seem positively polysyllabic.
Then the story stops.
I had really expected something better than this. As it is, this story has
value primarily as a satire - a really bad satire - on the theory of sexual
relativity.
Ratings for "Sacrificial Lamb"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
"Transparent Like Glass" by sfmaster@worldnet.att.net. Our hero tends bar, and
a lovely lady customer makes a pass. After a while she proposes the pair of
them commit a big robbery she's planned, The lovers will make their fortunes
and leave the country together. It doesn't turn out like that. The sex is hot
and straight, though oddly one-sided.
>Unlike the quick rutting of our earlier sex, this time I slowed the tempo
>even as I raised her to greater heights of passion and orgasm.
The hero obviously belongs to the man as violinist, woman as violin school of
lovemaking - whereas I like to fiddle about on my own account.
The sex is the least important part. I find this story difficult because I'm
still not sure why I like it. Raymond Chandler is, in my view, one of the
great writers of this century. And there is something, just a tiny smidgen, of
his laconic beat in this - though none of his lyricism. And yet is this trace
any more than the effect Chandler's work has had on every PI narrative since?
Who can tell? Not this reviewer. I've read this story three times slowly, and
I can tell you what's wrong with it, but I'm still not sure what's right.
Though there's a lot more right than wrong.
In some ways this story is very cliched, but it worked for me. Which is weird
in itself, because there are a number of typos, and errors. Glitches in
formatting, typos, misspellings - all these things usually put me off my
stride as a reader but they didn't bother me much this time. The author
clearly can produce perfect copy, just hasn't in this instance. I sympathize -
I've done it too in my impatience to post, but I've had to take a mark off.
I think it's the pace that works so well. There's a rhythm to the story, and
this works. And the level of detail is well judged. I could see it unrolling
like a movie. Kim Basinger as the heroine. Gerard Depardieu as the hero,
maybe. Choose your own cast, but you get the picture. Along these means
streets stumbles a flummoxed reviewer.
Ratings for "Transparent Like Glass"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Bronwen (appeal to reviewer): 9 - not sexy, but I liked it.
"Camping Out" by Val White (e-mail val72@hotmail.com). Guest Review by BillyG.
I have nothing against a formulaic method of writing. Hell, at root, most
stories follow some sort of outline and many are very successful. No, I don't
object to a formula per se, just one that's too simplistic perhaps.
The story "Camping Out" appears to adopt the belief that if one is good, two
is better, and three is better yet. It's the numbers' game of writing a story
about sex. The fallacy, of course, lies in the fact that more people involved
in sexual acts are not more sexy.
Too, it stretches credibility when we're asked to embrace the scenario of
three, 13-year-old boys, each with four-inch dicks, all of whom love to get it
on together. That they can masturbate each other, suck each other, and even
fuck each other in the ass, strains our capacity to identify a bit more. Then
we're given some relief to learn that they aren't really homosexual because
they don't kiss one another! Whew! Had me worried for a moment.
Too humdrum? Enter three, 13-year-old girls in this 'camping out' story of
seduction and sexual abandon. They too have discovered the convenience as
well as the pleasure of same-sex activities. But don't worry, they're really
there to get it on with the boys.
Gosh, I didn't mean to give away the entire plot! Oh well. It's the action,
not the plot anyway.
So, what do we have, aside from the formulaic 'more is better' trap, coupled
with round-heeled chicks? Not much.
This type of story would be better told were it about characters that appeared
real, in a less contrived situation and with some elements of seduction.
Ratings for "Camping Out"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 6
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 4
"Border Crossing" by Fenris (mailto:fenriskw@aol.com)
DejaNews link: http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324869379
ASSM Archive link: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/8425.txt
Review by The Bear (mailto:thebear@io.com)
This story is about two American girls on vacation in Europe. As their train
makes a night-time crossing from Switzerland into Italy, a guard comes to
their compartment and finds two joints that one of the girls has in her
backpack. He calls another guard to the compartment and they search the girls'
luggage, then the girls themselves. Guess what - the guards start groping the
girls during the body frisk, then strip them and have sex with them, and of
course the girls both enjoy every minute of it.
The story is written from the point of view of Paige, one of the two girls
involved. The only problem with using this single POV comes when the sex
begins and Paige has to do double duty, narrating her own experience and also
watching her friend Julie and describing what is happening to her. Paragraph
by paragraph the narrative begins to flip back and forth between Paige-as-
Paige and Paige- watching-Julie. At times it was difficult to determine what
was being done to whom. (It didn't help that the guards had no names or even
labels -- just "the guard that was fucking Paige" and "the guard that was
fucking Julie" -- even calling them "the tall guard" and "the short guard"
would have been some improvement.)
There is precious little plot or character development, other than Paige being
afraid of the guards and then deciding that she is enjoying "the strongest
sexual experience of her young life." On the other hand, there isn't room for
much development in this story -- it is all action, crammed into a fairly
short span of time. The level of development is appropriate to the story.
Here is where the "appeal to reviewer" rating may be helpful to someone trying
to decide whether or not to read this story. Despite the problems in
describing who does what to whom, the story does get pretty hot as Paige gets
bent over her bunk and boinked from behind, all the while watching "the other
guard" slide his big fat cock first into Julie's pussy and then between her
large breasts. Bottom- line, if I happen to run across this story in a repost
or something a month from now, I'd probably consider it worth my time to read
it again. If you find any of the story description in this review even mildly
exciting, you'll probably like the story as well.
Ratings for "Border Crossing":
Athena (technical merit): 8
Venus (plot and character): 9
Bear (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Angela and Debbie Play Ten Questions" by the Warthog
(mailto:warthog@boxtwo.com)
DejaNews link: http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=313835419
ASSM Archive link: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7055.txt
Review by The Bear (mailto:thebear@io.com)
I don't know if Celeste knew that I was a Warthog fan before she sent me this
story, but I feel that I should mention it so that you can take it into
account in reading this review. BTW, this story and others by the Warthog are
available at his website at
http://www.voicenet.com/~cgstorys/warthog/warthog.html .
This is a good, solid, sexy story, but I'm afraid it is not quite up to the
standards of the Warthog's previous work. I noticed more technical mistakes
than I have in the past, although part of that may be that I was reading this
one for a review and thus paying more attention to details. None of the
Warthog's short stories go into great amounts of plot and character
development, and this one was no exception, but I thought the development was
appropriate for the story that was told. Unfortunately, where this one fell
down was in the area that the Warthog usually excels, which is in exciting,
sexy narrative of consensual gangbang scenes.
This story tells of a 'contest' conducted every month by the members of a
college football team. Two members of the team scout the local pickup bars for
likely babes, and the ones that can answer all ten questions in the
affirmative share $1000 and the privilege of servicing the whole team at a
gangbang party. On this particular evening Angela and Debbie pass the test and
go back to the athletic dorm to meet the team. There is a hot sequence of
Debbie making it with the narrator in the car on the way to the dorm, and then
going 'around the world' with another guy when she gets to the dorm. Then the
whole gangbang with the rest of the team is reduced to a simple summary of
events in four paragraphs, and the story is over.
The sex that is here is hot and well-told, but Angela and the football team
might as well not have been included. This would have been an exciting story
of one girl with two guys, but it simply doesn't live up to the promise of its
beginning. I still liked it, and I'd recommend it for just about any reader --
hey, I gave it a 9:9:9 rating -- it just didn't meet my expectations.
Ratings for "Angela and Debbie Play Ten Questions":
Athena (technical merit): 9
Venus: (plot and character): 9
Bear: (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Until Dawn" By Kelly Merriwether (kelly5323@mailexcite.com). Guest review by
Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com).
This review is broken up into two parts. One part is for you, the constant
reader. The other part is for the author (who requested some detail) or
anyone who really wants to know what works and what does not in an erotica
story, at least in my humble opinion. To those who wish to grumble about the
blind leading the blind or the blind leading the sighted, I'm sure the author
would be more than thrilled if you read the story and sent her your own
criticisms (or lack thereof).
General Review: This story is about a man who receives a very, very nice
birthday present in the form of Kelly who promises to be his slave "Until
Dawn." Kelly may have any relationship the reader wants (wife, girlfriend,
other) since it is never mentioned. What follows is a very detailed and
graphic encounter including several varied positions and toys. The sex here
is entirely consensual though since Kelly is new to the submissive role she
stumbles (charmingly so in my opinion) on a few occasions.
In short, a brief introduction followed by page after page of sex. This should
make most people very happy. Those who like to step into the
dominance/submission game and come running out giggling like fools will
probably idolize this story. It also works as an introductory to the genre as
well. There really aren't many "serious" D/S cherry busting stories out there
and this one makes a fairly good stab at introducing the appeals.
Detailed Review: There are several things that worked in this story. First,
Kelly was left relationship free, even age and physique free so the reader is
free to fill in the blanks (My Kelly remarkably resembled Darma from "Darma
and Greg" your results may vary) . Another very good point was the premise,
giving one's self as a present has been done before of course but this fell
within the tastefully handled category. The most important good point however
was Kelly who, unused to being a submissive, stumbles a bit in her role. I
personally very much enjoyed the fumbling.
There are a few technical problems with this story. The first problem, is a
lack of transitions. Transitions are words that smooth the reading from
sentence to sentence. Without Transitions you tend to get a story that reads
like a government approved manual (He did this, he did that, he went up, he
went down, she rolled her eyes in dismay). With transitions the reading is
more varied and I've been taught that is a good thing (He did this, then he
did that, blissfully he went down, however he did not enjoy going up as much,
especially when she rolled her eyes in dismay).
Second, this story is written in what is called third person omniscient. That
is the narrator (invisible) tries to explore the feelings of both the man and
the woman: He felt incredibly good as he plunged his swollen cock down her
throat. But Kelly was in a panic as she found herself unable to breath. There
is rarely such a balanced approach as the story (or the reader) seeks a
natural focus. This story tends to focus on the man while at times confuses
the reader by changing the focus to the woman and then back to the man again.
It actually would have made more sense to follow the woman more closely than
the man. While it's true the man was the beneficiary of an unusual gift, it
was the woman who was by far the more interesting as she struggled in an
unusual role for her, it was also the woman who CHANGED. In my opinion this
story would have been even better if the author had chosen to write in first
person from the woman's point of view: I stepped up to him and said, "I'm
yours until dawn."
These are, however, nit-picks and placed in this review for the authors
benefit. In actuality I did enjoy this story though it was a bit outside of
my preferred "sex between equals" domain. It's my belief that this author
does show great promise, and I do recommend you read this story if only to
anticipate that which is to cum - er come.
Ratings for "Until Dawn"
Athena (technical quality): 8-- Needs transitions otherwise very
nice.
Venus (plot & character): 9 -- Good idea, point off for the forced
male perspective.
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 8 - An enjoyable story.
* "Snarl" by Uther Pendragon (nobody@REPLAY.COM). This is an interesting
snippet that describes the playful sexual exchanges between a husband and wife
while he helps her get the snarls out of her beautiful, long hair. I have
given this author so many perfect ratings recently that I feel compelled to
find excuses for giving ratings of less than 10. There's nothing wrong with
this story; it's just short a short chunk of the life of two people in love
rather than a complete story. But it's still very good.
Ratings for "Snarl"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Woman2Woman" by Candy Kane (GQKZ45C@prodigy.com). Guest review by M1KE
Hunt.
"Woman2Woman" is a fun read, zippy and straightforward, with few distractions
to pull you away from the story of the seduction of one woman by another.
Christine and Laura are sales reps at a computer show, and meet each other
while standing on the floor for 10 hours fending off propositions from men. At
one point in the shared cab ride back to the hotel, Christine, the narrator,
asks ""Is getting laid the only reason these guys come here?" This is one of
the few distractions, because the answer, obviously, is "yes." I've been to
computer shows.
The girls retreat to their hotel rooms, wherein Laura offers to give Christine
a massage to relieve her stress. You'll be shocked to find out that they both
end up nude, make gentle love with one another, and spend the next several
days sneaking kisses in the employee lounge, squatting at the display to show
each other their pussies, and generally having a lovely time.
The plot is not complicated, and it's been done before, but then haven't they
all? "Woman2Woman" suffers only from a half-dozen obvious editing errors, such
as "positioning her bare legs on each side of my." My what? And there are
words that the spell check thought were OK, but a quick proofreading would
have caught, such as "spend" for "spent." OK, it's niggling, but if I didn't
catch at least a couple of grammatical errors, I wouldn't be doing my job as a
reviewer, right?
I give "Woman2Woman" a "9.27A" rating on the open ended "Verschlumpt" scale, a
logarithmic evaluation schedule I've designed based on plot, sexuality,
spelling, taste, today's Dow Jones results and other logical factors such as
whether it's Tuesday or not.
{end of review}
GRAMMAR TIP OF THE WEEK: QUOTATIONS. Several people have asked me to give
some advice on the use of quotations, including quotation marks and
punctuation. This is a first draft, and I would appreciate any help on
getting it into better shape.
DIRECT QUOTATIONS: In general, when you quote someone exactly, put the quoted
words in quotation marks. {An exact quotation is often referred to as a
"direct quotation."}
He swaggered up to the lady at the bar and said,
"What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"
She leaned over so that he could see her naked breasts
with the nipples pressing out against the bright yellow
material and whispered, "Wanna fuck?"
Ordinarily, you should use a comma to separate introductory or concluding
words from the direct quotation. This is true whether the words that describe
the statement come before the direct quotation (as in the preceding examples)
or after the direct quotation. When the quotation comes before the
explanatory statement, the comma replaces a period.
When she realized that he could hold back his orgasm no
longer, she said to him, "Come on my tits."
"Come on my tits," she said to him, when she realized that
he could hold back his orgasm no longer.
If the statement precedes the explanatory statement and ends in an exclamation
point or question mark, keep that punctuation mark INSTEAD OF the comma.
"Wanna fuck?" she asked.
She purred, "Wanna fuck?"
As she gently fondled his testicles she continued to lick and
suck his penis, causing him to shout, "Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!"
"Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!" he shouted, as she gently fondled his
testicles, while she continued to lick and suck his penis.
"How badly do you need the money?" the horny hunk
asked.
If you want a more formal introduction of the quoted words, use a colon
instead of a comma. This more formal introduction will almost always be a
full sentence.
She spoke thus: "Wanna fuck?"
As she gently fondled his testicles she continued to lick and
suck his penis, causing him to shout one word:
"Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!"
Also, if a quotation is extremely long, use a colon instead of a comma.
"Long" means different things to different people, and authors vary in their
application of this rule. In general, if the quoted statement is a single
sentence, use a comma to introduce it. If it is more than a single sentence,
use a colon - unless the sentences are extremely short.
She said: "You look like a guy who needs a woman to
understand him. By the looks of that bulge in your pants,
you are happy to see me. My mother told me a hard man
is good to find. I haven't had a good or hard man in a long
time. Wanna fuck?"
She said, "Wanna fuck? I sure hope so!"
If the quotation is extremely long - that is, if it goes on for more than one
paragraph, put quotation marks at the beginning of each paragraph. However,
put an end quotation mark only at the end of the final paragraph of the quoted
statement. The absence of quotation marks at the end of the other paragraphs
signifies to the reader that the conversation continues in the next paragraph.
If you have a quotation within a quotation, rotate between single and double
quotation marks. {Use an apostrophe for the single quotation mark.} In the
United States, the double marks go with the outermost quotation; in Europe the
single marks go with the outermost quotation.
Peggy Sue said, "I love it when a man comes up to me and
straight out says to me, 'Wanna fuck?' I don't like men who
beat around my bush."
An INDIRECT QUOTATION usually does not quote the exact words, but rather
paraphrases what the speaker said. An indirect quotation is usually
introduced by "that" and does not employ quotation marks.
Note that with indirect quotations, the verb tense and some other elements of
the original statement change to give the right impression of the timing of
the quoted material with regard to the explanatory material.
Sometimes the word "that" is omitted from an indirect quotation.
Direct quotation: He said, "I want to make love to you."
Indirect quotation: He said that he wanted to make love
to me.
Indirect quotation: He said he wanted to make love to me.
Direct quotation: Jethro said to Maribeth, "I'd like to bury
my beef bayonet in your haystack tonight."
Indirect quotation: Jethro said to Maribeth that he'd like to
bury his beef bayonet in her haystack that night.
Indirect QUESTIONS often begin with "if" or "whether." In addition, they may
begin with any word that ordinarily asks a question. Indirect questions do
NOT end with a question mark.
Direct question. "Wanna fuck?" she asked.
Indirect question: She asked me if I wanted to fuck.
Indirect question: She asked me whether I wanted to fuck.
Indirect question: She asked me how often I wanted to
fuck.
Indirect question: She asked me how desperately I
wanted to fuck.
Indirect question: He swaggered up to the lady at the bar
and asked what a nice girl like her was doing in a
place like this.
Although quotation marks are generally not used with indirect quotations,
sometimes it IS proper to use them in order to emphasize that the portion
within the quotation marks represent the exact words of the original speaker.
He swaggered up to the lady at the bar and asked what
what "a nice girl like her was doing in a place like this."
She asked me "how desperately" I wanted to fuck.
Note that in the first of the preceding examples the writer changed the
speaker's words slightly - "is" became "was." This is normally considered to
be acceptable. If you are uncertain whether you have the right to alter the
speakers words, use a direct quotation.
OTHER WAYS TO HANDLE QUOTATIONS: In addition to using quotation marks and
indirect quotations, it is possible to quote people in other ways.
When you are formally quoting a long passage (say, a whole paragraph from a
book or a major portion of a speech), it may be desirable to set the material
off in the text by indenting it. If you do this, introduce it with a colon.
Then indent all the quoted material. A format like the following is often
desirable:
While she waited, Peggi read the church bulletin that she
always carried with her. The pastor had a sense of humor:
It seems that two brothers died and went before St.
Peter. The first was a politician who had voted for
legislation that enriched himself at the expense of
the poor and downtrodden. St. Peter sentenced him
to a very hot part of hell, where his job would be to
clean up excrement deposited by animals.
As the man was leaving, he saw his brother, who had
been an unscrupulous lawyer, but who now had a
voluptuous blonde in a low-cut dress on his arm.
The man was startled, because he knew that his
brother had made his living largely by suing churches
and poor people.
The outraged man turned to St. Peter and said, "Hey!
That's not fair!"
St. Peter replied, "Who are you to question that
woman's punishment?"
In the preceding example, the whole quotation from the church bulletin
(beginning with "It seems that... ") is indented, so that readers know where
the quoted material begins and ends. Quotation marks are not necessary: the
indentation serves the same purpose. Within that lengthy quotation, other
direct quotations follow the normal rules.
In some cases, - for example, when you are quoting a lengthy dialogue - it is
also possible to omit the quotation marks altogether by using a play/script
format, as in the following example from my story "Virtuous Reality":
Madonna: Well, let's see, the names of the people that I have had sex
with recently... Who's the name of the guy I slept with last night, What's the
name of the guy I did in the park this afternoon...
Oprah: That's what I want to find out. So tell me.
Madonna: I just said Who's the name of the guy I slept with last night,
What's the name of the guy I did in the park this afternoon....
Oprah: You've had sex with these guys?
Madonna: Yes.
Oprah: And was it good?
Madonna: It's always good.
Oprah: And you talked to them before, during, or after sex?
Madonna: Yes.
Oprah: And you still don't know their names?
Madonna: Well, I certainly do.
Finally, some authors of fiction quote people directly without using quotation
marks. They seem to make a distinction between quoted speech (which receives
quotation marks) and quoted thoughts (which do not).
WHAT ELSE GOES INSIDE QUOTATION MARKS?
Titles of short writings or works of art are usually put in quotation marks.
While he fucked her in the ass, she heard him humming
"Both Sides Now" by Judy Collins.
Most of what she knew about sex she had learned by
"Friends" on TV.
The titles of longer writings and more sophisticated works of art are usually
italicized (or underlined, if italics are not available). Since underling and
italics are impossible in text files transmitted through e-mail, it has become
common practice to use quotation marks for ALL titles. However, some writers
prefer to replace underlining with techniques such as the following:
The seduction was like a chapter out of _Lady Chatterly_.
The seduction was like a chapter out of *Lady Chatterly*.
The seduction was like a chapter out of LADY CHATTERLY.
Sometimes it is proper to put in quotation marks a word or phrase that you
want to define.
By "oral sex" I mean either a blowjob or cunnilingus. She,
on the other hand, uses the term to refer to talking about
sex but not doing it.
Sometimes it is proper to put a word or phrase in quotation marks to show that
you are using it in an unusual or special sense or to draw attention to the
word.
He uses language so cleverly that sometimes I think he's
a "cunning linguist." {The writer is making a pun about
cunnilingus.}
He expressed his "love" for her by beating her severely and
humiliating her in front of her friends." {The writer is
suggesting that the word "love" is being used ironically -
that is, the man calls this love, but the writer doubts that
this term is accurate.}
Avoid the overuse of quotation marks for this purpose.
WHERE TO PUT PUNCTUATION.
Put inside the quotation marks any punctuation that is actually a part of the
quotation.
"Did you learn about sex by watching 'TV sitcoms?" he
asked, as she began to choke on his cum.
Put commas and periods inside the final quotation mark, even if they are not
part of the quotation.
While she sucked his cock, he gazed in rapture at the
picture of "Dogs Playing Poker."
"I learned to do this from an episode of 'Beavis and
Butthead,'" she said, as she swirled her tongue gently
around the tip of his cock.
When they are not part of the quotation, put other quotation marks (colons,
semicolons, dashes, question marks, etc.) outside the final quotation mark.
She had perfected her sexual technique through many
hours of watching "Days of Our Lives"; but her partner's
training was limited to "Beavis and Butthead."
She said, "I want you to come inside me"; but he had
already shot his wad all over her tits.
Such decisions as whether to use direct or indirect quotations, whether to put
the explanatory comments at the beginning, at the end, or in the middle, and
whether to use quotation marks are a matter of preference and style. These
decisions DO make a difference in the exact nuances conveyed by the
quotations, but these distinctions cannot be discussed here.
Quotations should be skillfully blended into the text, so that the words of
the speakers sound natural. Here's an excerpt from "Virtuous Reality" that
contains quoted dialogue. See if you can understand the logic behind how I
handled each direct or indirect quotation.
As she thought about these problems, Sue sighed deeply and uttered a
barely audible murmur: "I'll never write an erotic story again. Dear God, I
wish I had never written an erotic story at all."
Suddenly, Sue was aware that there was someone else in the room with
her. She spun around in her chair and was alarmed to see standing just inside
the locked door a beautiful dark haired woman. She was dressed in diaphanous
clothing that Sue associated with statues she had seen while cavorting in the
Aegean Islands. The woman exuded a sensuous sexuality that made the room come
alive. "Who are you?" asked Sue. "And what are you doing here?"
"I'm Celeste. We've corresponded through alt.sex.stories. And I'm here
to help you."
"You're Celeste?" gasped Sue. "The goddess of alt.sex.stories?"
"Well," replied the beautiful apparition. "I've been called that; but
I'm more like an angel."
"You're as beautiful as I imagined you'd be," said Sue, as she continued
to wonder what in the world was happening.
"And you're almost as beautiful as you say you are in your stories,"
replied Celeste. After a pause, Celeste continued: "To be honest, I'm not
actually a full angel yet. I've met most of the requirements, but I still
have to do one more good deed. I've been sent here as sort of your guardian
angel. That bit about wishing you had never written an erotic story began
with 'Dear God.' That constitutes a prayer. The Boss was upset by your
comment, and she sent me here to help you get over your malaise or angst or
whatever you want to call it."
"Your boss?" replied Sue. When Celeste responded by merely folding her
arms and raising her eyes toward the heavens, Sue began to get the message.
"I've always heard your Boss referred to as 'he' or 'him,'" she said.
"Actually, my Boss is neither a he nor a she," answered Celeste. "I
just prefer the feminine pronoun, because so many men are assholes. Men write
stories on a.s.s. that degrade women and describe harm to little boys and
girls. But this isn't a theological essay. It's a sex story. Can I get on
with what I came here for?"
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