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Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 260 - Feb 21
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Celestial Reviews 260 - February 21, 1998
Note: Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable
garden; but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen.
Admiring her neighbor's garden, which had beautiful bright red tomatoes, she
went one day and asked him what his secret was.
"It's really quite simple," the old man explained. "Twice each day, in the
morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they
turn red with embarrassment."
Desperate for the perfect garden, the woman tried his advice and proceeded to
expose herself to her plants twice daily. Two weeks passed, and her neighbor
stopped by to check her progress. "So," he asked, "Any luck with your
tomatoes?"
"No", she replied excitedly... "But you should see the size of my cucumbers!"
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Evidence Of Betrayal" by Anne Arbor (infidelity) 10, 10, 10
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324524108
"Horny School Girl" by SpiderRoX1 (rock star one-nighter)
10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323573722
"The Basketball Game" by Gargoyle (athletic group sex)
10, 7, 7
"One Perfect Rose" by Taria (Celestial follow-up) 10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=326363067
"Celeste's WD-40" by Poison Ivan (Celestial follow-up)
10, 8, 9
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=326642248
"Flagrante Delicto" by Lord Malinov (poignant romance)
10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=326660370
Guest Reviews:
"The Sexdoll" by Emerson Laken-Palmer (medicinal sex)
9.95, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=319235336
"The Fence" by Jordan Shelbourne (Unrequited Love)
10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/8524.txt
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325600969
"Something Fishy in Little Rock" by George Kranz (political
satire & sex) 9.75, 9, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325981427
"File This!" by MD James (office sex) 9, 8, 8
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/8484.txt.
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325300161
"Phone Calls" by Mr. Maquido (phone sex) 8, 9, 9.5
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325912334
"You Took Me" by Brother Cadfael (romance) 10, 8, 9
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325300136
"Bill's Seduction" by Anthony (Reluctant Affair) 9, 6, 4
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325912341
Reposted Reviews:
"Tomboy" by Jordan Shelbourne (emerging adolescence)
10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=326642226
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"Evidence Of Betrayal" by Anne Arbor (AnneArbor@hotmail.com). The evidence of
betrayal cited in the title consists of a set of four Polaroid photographs
that Kathy has found, evidence of her husband's involvement with another woman
after eleven years of a presumably monogamous marriage. In the story Kathy
reflects on her own previous sexual activities and initiates an affair of her
own. At first I was disappointed that there was little in the way of explicit
sex in this story, but then I realized that the absence of vivid descriptions
really enhanced the poignant mood of the story. This is a good story that
depicts a sad but all-too-common series of events in the modern world.
A story like this always makes me wonder what I would do if my husband were
unfaithful to me in real life. I have assured my husband that if her ever
pulled a stunt like this I would simply rip out the woman's eyes and cut off
his balls. I probably wouldn't really do that. As a matter of fact, we both
take a proactive approach - making it less likely that the other would
actually have a need to be unfaithful. I know when I have been tempted, I
simply focus on the fact that the infidelity would create many more problems
than it would solve, and so I have invariably turned aside from any temporary
pleasure that would be likely to ruin the more permanent happiness that we
have worked hard to establish.
I HAVE had friends who have found evidence of betrayal, and my advice to them
has always been to seek professional counseling - both for them and for their
spouses. The few who have done so have certainly been a lot happier
afterwards than those who have simply decided to get revenge. Nevertheless,
the present story represents a simple but accurate description of how one
woman might realistically handle evidence of betrayal.
Ratings for "Evidence Of Betrayal"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Horny School Girl" by SpiderRoX1 (SpiderRoX1@aol.com). Richard is a rock
star who needs companionship to fill up his lonely nights on the road. This
story describes his one-nighter with Terri, a young woman who eats up his line
and bathes in the light of his celebrity. I have never done the groupie
circuit myself, but this story certainly seems plausible.
Ratings for "Horny School Girl"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Basketball Game" by Gargoyle (gargoyle@northernnet.com). This story is
supposed to be about me. The high school English teacher is also in charge of
scheduling special events. One day there is a scheduling conflict, and the
visiting basketball players can't use the locker room to change their clothes;
and so they go to the teacher's classroom to wait. They decide to change
their clothes in the classroom; and since they have their clothes off anyway,
all the players do various forms of horizontal folk dancing with the teacher.
This wears them out or at least distracts them, and so they lose the
basketball game to the home team. Subsequently, there seem to be a lot of
scheduling problems before big games, and the visiting teams often play
listlessly.
This is an interesting fantasy and I appreciate the friendly spirit in which
it was written. However, from my own perspective, it just didn't seem like me
in the story, and I suspect that people who follow these reviews faithfully
will have a similar reaction to mine. Even though I enjoy looking at the
bodies of sexy athletes, I just don't get high on the idea of either being
gangbanged by them or seducing them en masse.
Having said that and setting aside the notion that it would really be hard to
accomplish all of this in a typical high school classroom, I hasten to add
this is still a pretty good story.
Ratings for "The Basketball Game"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"One Perfect Rose" by Taria (TariaT@aol.com). Surprise endings are common on
this newsgroup. Here we have a surprise beginning.
This is another continuation of my "Review" story, which originated as a
review of DG's "Call of Desire." My original story ended with me (Celeste)
getting happily fucked in the ass by my loving husband while I was talking on
the phone to Rose, a slightly annoying but certainly conservative neighbor who
was trying to organize a purity crusade against Epcot Center.
As the present "chapter" begins, we discover that Rose is actually one hot
chick - and a lesbian to boot! She and her friend Claire are cleaning the
carpet at their end of the phone, while my husband is hiding his salami up my
ass. It's very hot stuff!
Let me point out that this is not where I intended the story to go. I am as
surprised as anyone about these developments. I have long been suspicious
that my neighbors on one side may be slightly oversexed, and so Sandman merely
confirmed my suspicions. On the other hand, I was under the impression that
Rose lived a couple of miles away and was married to a couch potato with a
beer belly.
Before things get really out of hand, let me point out that my daughters are
both good kids - active in sports, never having fucked a teacher or librarian
- the sort of kids that would fit right in with the Brennan family. While I
would not rule out the possibility that either I or my husband may be related
to the Allen sisters, neither I nor my husband nor either of my kids has ever
been naked with anyone in that clan. Nor are we related to any vampires or
prominent public officials that we know about. On the other hand, I suspect
that some of my neighbors and colleagues at work are really weird. I know for
certain that one of my husband's coworkers goes without panties every Friday -
it has something to do with a radio show she listens to. I realize people can
go anywhere they want with my persona, but I thought the preceding hints might
be helpful.
Taria points out in a brief epilogue that Nick's original follow-up to my
"Review" gave Rose a raw deal. So it did. But give Nick credit: he got the
ball rolling for a couple of good stories.
As I understand it, we now have six stories in this sequence (not counting
DG's "Call of Desire.") The stories are starting to diverge, and so I'll
label them below:
Chapter 1: The Review (Celeste)
Chapter 2a: Fighting Rose's Corner (Nick)
Chapter 2b: The Bedroom window (Sandman)
Chapter 2c: Seat of Power (Jay)
Chapter 2d: Celeste's WD-40 (Ivan)
Chapter 3a: One perfect Rose (Taria)
If you want to continue this series, feel free to add to any of the threads.
It is NOT necessary to remain consistent with a plot that has already been
started. For example, you don't have to have Rose be a lesbian with a lover
named Claire: you can start your own thread, if you wish. Sandman, who
numbered the currently existing chapters slightly differently than I did, has
sent me a list of the following possible chapters:
Chapter 5: Party Line
Who knew Rose had a party line?
Chapter 6: The Lineman
Stuck up top an electric pole, your
average joe gets a charge from
all the hot sex going on below him.
Chapter 7: The neighbor's call
What happens when Janet and Sandman
call the next day?
Chapter 8: A Rose by any other name
would still be Lady Cyrrh? OK I
STILL think this would be a good
plot twist.
Chapter 9: Hacking Celeste
What happens when one of Celeste's
students hacks her computer? And uncovers
her secret past time?
Chapter 10: Celeste cooks dinner.
How did this get here?
Chapter 11: House guests.
What happens when Celeste's cousins, the Allen
sisters, come to visit for a while?
Chapter 12: Crimes and Misdemeanors
Little did we suspect there was a burglar in Rose's
apartment that night. Now he returns with something
more than lifting a stereo in mind.
Chapter 13: The exchange student.
Celeste's daughter is swapped for a hot Italian
stud with only one thing on his mind.
Chapter 14: Fucking Celeste (For real this time)
What happens when the hacker's (chapter 9)
father learns of his son's activities (and Celeste's
secret identity?) What happens when the father
turns out to be non other than our own M1ke Hunt?
I'm not sure but it will probably be funny,
irreverent, and mostly true. ;-)
Ratings for "One Perfect Rose"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Celeste's WD-40" by Poison Ivan (poisoniv1@hotmail.com). As the title
suggests, this story is told from the point of view of the can of WD-40 that I
(Celeste) cast aside in "The Review," while talking to Rose on the phone and
trying to find the KY jell to lubricate my asshole to receive my husband's
plonker.
It turns out that after the fun is over, I need my WD-40 after all. No, I
don't stick his love rod into my honey pot and fill myself with his love
juices - that skinny four-incher would be absolutely insignificant compared to
my husband's one-eyed yogurt shooter.
No, my WD-40 knows his role in life and is satisfied by the thrill of meeting
my basic needs as only he can, even though he emits gasses at his moment of
ecstasy. Somewhere there's probably a story about the duct tape in that same
drawer.
The story has a sad ending - what does one do with a can of WD-40 when it's
empty? When even shaking it won't get it to a level of arousal to enable it
to spew forth its juices to bring forth from me that satisfied sigh indicating
that all is right in the world....
Actually, I have simplified things. The plot is not as unadorned and silly as
this. Not quite.
Ratings for "Celeste's WD-40"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Flagrante Delicto" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com). The title is a
term that lawyers use to refer to catching a person in the very act of
committing a crime.
The story has something to do with a quiet, serious fellow walking down the
town's main business strip and stopping another man, pulling out an old
revolver, and shooting him through the heart. The bullet goes clean through
the body and shatters the window of a nearby store. People scream and all that
sort of thing. The man lays the gun down next to the dead man and pulls out
his checkbook and pays the storekeeper for the broken window before turning
himself in to the police.
What does this have to do with sex, you might say. It sounds more like
something that would happen in an American post office.
This is another excellent story.
Ratings for "Flagrante Delicto"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Sexdoll" by Emerson Laken-Palmer. Posted by Sxjames (Sxjames@aol.com).
Guest reviewed by The One And Only TDS.
Right off the bat, before this review begins, I am announcing that I will do a
sequel to this story - chiefly because the ending is such that the door is
left open to do just that, and the potential subject matter is such that a
sequel would be appropriate! Believe me, you'd do the same! (Hmmm...sounds
like an idea for another one of Malinov's whacked out contests....)
Emerson, for those of you not familiar with him, is based out of the Detroit
area (which makes me want to announce: ELP, get in touch with me because I
WANNA MEET YOU!! I'm over on the west side of the state and wanna buy you
dinner next time I'm over by your neck of the woods) and has a track record of
well-developed stories involving incest and/or pedo, although the majority of
the characters are within the same age group, relatively. {Relatively - get it
<wink> - Celeste}
This is one of the times he strikes out with an adult character, and the
reported victim is not quite pedo (17 going on 18). Seems the male lead is a
35 year old nurse's aide in a Cincinnati hospice (Personal to ELP: "Aide"
MUST have the "e" at the end when referring to a person) and a comatose closed
head injury patient has checked in to starve to death, thanks to insurance
coverage that has run out (hmmm...another topic worth a good book, in nasty
expose style).
Figuring letting the girl die is a waste, coupled with the fact his hours have
not been conducive to getting a girl in months... well, you can get the idea
of the therapy program he is going to try out on the sleeping beauty. The
ending of the story gives the twist that is leading me to write the sequel.
Subplot involves the male lead and two very hot to trot nurses at the hospice
who work with him on the night shift, and how one of them ends up owing our
male a MAJOR favor thanks to her scumball of a boyfriend (who was about to do
some five finger discounting along the lines of converting pharmaceuticals
into recreationals).
Ending is taut and well done, plot is solid, and writing is clear with few
errors (mostly bad typing, all caught by good proofreaders - another plug for
the Celeste Proof Your Porn Program); and the result is another excellent
addition to ELP's resume. Worth getting for your own collection, which is a
good rule of thumb for this guy.
Ratings for "The Sexdoll"
Mars (technical merit): 9.95 (goes to 10 immediately on fixing)
Zeus (plot and character): 10, and I'd give a 20 on the plot if I
could!!
TDS (appeal to reviewer): 10, A+, Bravo!, Author! Author!, whatever.
"The Fence" by Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com). Guest Review by Sandman
(sandman@bitsmart.com).
A little background before I begin. I had just come off reviewing three
straight pedo pieces; and while I think I can analyze a pedo story (I simply
read it like an ingredient label), I hardly have fun doing them. Worse, I
suspected that since I wasn't bitching and moaning about having to do these
reviews I might by default become the official pedo reviewer for the CR (like
gag me with a chain saw). Sandman, pedophilia connoisseur - pretty disgusting
isn't it?
So I decided to make my own luck with my next review. Celeste usually sends
us stories to review, but she hasn't objected yet to a review I fired off of
my own accord. The trick to this is to pick something (preferably good) that
has almost zero chance of showing up in the review anyway - either because
it's too long, too fringe, or too obscure. So it was with extraordinary
excitement that I greeted "The Fence" -- It's short, it's damn good, and it
most likely would never be reviewed in the CR (more on that later).
"The Fence" begins with these lines: "There was one moment, I never loved him
more. I never owned him less." What follows is a verbal snapshot, described
in painstaking and loving detail. The narrator and the narrator's object of
affection are building a fence. The narrator is of course hopelessly in love
with the man, but the man knows nothing of this - they are just friends.
Therefore the act of building a fence becomes a metaphor for sex, love, and
union in the narrator's descriptions. The author uses symbolism and imagery
to create an extraordinarily erotic scene out of ordinary manual labor. There
is not one sexual act depicted in this story, yet it is perhaps one of the
most genuinely erotic stories posted this month if not this year.
The two characters of course are both men. This is why it probably would not
appear in the Review. I suspect most women who read this story will identify
immediately with the narrator and the unrequited love. Actually that's
probably sexist, I believe this story could work for ANYONE who's ever loved
someone from afar.
This is my third triple ten review. "Dick Thruster" made me laugh. "Wendy"
made me think and introspect, but "The Fence" reminded me that while love may
be wonderful and sweet, it can also be cruel and uncaring. Read this story
you'll be glad you did.
Ratings for "The Fence"
Athena (technical quality): 10 -- Perfect, loved the symbolism.
Venus (plot & character): 10 -- Perfect, unrequited love at its
most tragic.
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10 -- Very Recommended.
"Something Fishy in Little Rock" by George Kranz (5@mail.com). Guest Reviewed
by The One And Only TDS.
>From this here moment, I appoint myself exclusive reviewer of all the
alt.sex.stories that are political in nature. I do that on the grounds of my
job - I AM a reporter/photographer in real life.
I also announce that I am still a bit ticked at dear Celeste for reviewing
"Jon Benet Ramsey Rides Again" instead of sending it to ME to comment on. All
that did was ruin my announcement to the world that I had finally hit on the
idea to make my fortune in life... namely, head out to Boulder, Colorado and
sell, at $2.95 each, weather-resistant bumper stickers bearing the following
line: "Honk if YOU killed Jon Benet Ramsey!"
(Okay, stop laughing now. The joke around this neck of the woods was that,
until the game was over, none of us were sure WHICH John the Broncos were
playing for... also, Celeste, I'm no longer mad at you; never was, in fact.
But your review, for such a hilarious story in retrospect, was a bit
tame...sigh...)
This one, though, is _another_ matter. Gives me a chance to break out a line
I was going to use in my "Clinton 1/2/3" review that Celeste took out (no
biggie). During a murder I covered, one of the detectives working on the case
made the comment, "The three biggest motivators in life are money, sex and
drugs and I think we can eliminate two of them" in this case.
On that observation, this story deals with Hillary Clinton and former White
House special counsel Vincent Foster, now deceased by his own hand. (All you
conspiracy nuts, the following: Just like Elvis, Foster is DEAD - GIVE IT
UP!!)
{Note from Celeste: My favorite Monica Lewinsky joke came from Jay Leno. One
of Clinton's spokesmen had stated to the press that Bill's relationship with
Monica was complicated. Leno retorted, "That man doesn't know the meaning of
complicated. Take Bill's relationship with Hillary.... Now, THAT's
complicated!"}
Right. We are dealing with the First Lady of The United States. According to
some people I know, they refer to the Clintons as The Chick With The Dick.
'Nuff said. To wit, the above quote relates to this story as follows:
* Rule out the drugs. Teflon Willy did NOT inhale, you got that? Yes, he does
_breathe_, but he did NOT inhale.
* Rule out the money. That's Al Gore's surefire method of orgasm. (And I don't
give a fuck what Tipper's is, OK?)
As Robin Williams would now say, "Figure it out, Sparky??"
Premise deals with an "investigative reporter" in Arkansas (NOT me, folks; I'm
in Michigan) getting a visit from what the story purports to be a member of
the Hebrew persuasion but is actually another Son of the South with a few...
ah... possessions of an incriminating nature that would make a Kenneth Starr
drool.
Seems that a cousin of this visitor, who turns out to be a "private
investigator" (and folks, the life of a PI is _far_ different from what you
saw in characters such as Philip Marlow, Thomas Magnum, and even Paul Drake...
believe me, I know; one of my best friends IS a well-known private
investigator), works in the funeral home that handled Vincent Foster's
remains. The cousin has overheard a few conversations and has read a fax from
the "Executive Office"; and the gist of the matter is that Hillary Clinton
will come to the funeral home in person to pay her... .ah... last respects.
What she does with - and TO - Vincent is anything but respectable,
particularly when the reporter gets a chance to go to the video tape.
Bottom line: If ANY of this shit (and I include everything from the
Whitewater land deal caper to the send-Bill-candy-for-Valentines- since-he-
already-had-Flowers affair to the Chinese campaign cash to... to... what's
that bimbo's name... or more to the point, WHICH bimbo this week), in any way
or another is true, there is no quickie paperback publisher on the face of the
earth who will ever be able to sell another Elvis/Michael Jackson/Mike
Tyson/Jeffrey Dahmer tell-all book to anyone! After all, take a moment to
think: Isn't it nice to have the Kennedys BACK in the White House???
SCORING (based on my experience as a Soviet gymnastic judge):
Mars (technical merit): 9.75 - due to some bad typing that can
be corrected easily. Once that's done, give this a 10.
Zeus (plot and character): 9 - loss of point due to lack of response
from Bill, on advice of counsel and handlers. Besides, he's
probably recovering from all that fucking he did in "Clinton
1/2/3"
TDS (appeal to slimeball...er, reviewer): 10 - mainly because this
thing is fuckin' hilarious!
"File This!" by MD James (d2beast@aol.com). Guest review by Dart.
Allison is the sexiest lady at the office; and since the day she started
working there, the unnamed narrator has had his lustful eyes glued to her.
Finally, a conjunction of events that he has dreamed of arrives. Allison's
boss is out of town, and she's going to be working in the file room, the least
frequented room in the office (which is hard to believe since it contains the
copy machine). But, putting that aside, our narrator plots and then acts on
how to take advantage of Allison's isolation.
This story's appeal to me varied more, paragraph to paragraph, than any a.s.s
story that I've read for quite a while. Because of the interesting twist at
the end, I wound up liking the story. I do feel, however, that the end should
have been developed in just a little more detail.
Ratings for "File This!"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Dart (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Phone Calls" by Mr. Maquido (maquido@hotmail.com). Guest review by Sven the
Elder.
It's a funny thing, reading what purports to be a transcript of someone else's
phone calls. I've had to do it as part of my job in the past, and it always
feels _naughty_, voyeuristic, eavesdropping, as it were. Makes you feel
almost guilty, as if you shouldn't be there. Almost makes you want to look
over your shoulder with a guilty conscience.
Now I must admit that the thought of 'cybersex' doesn't interest me at all -
it's a hell of a poor substitute for the _real_ thing. I do know one person
who is hooked on it, but then I've also met his wife - Damn that's sexist, I
guess - get me into trouble a remark like that; but yes, I suppose in those
circumstances I might be interested in 'cybersex' too. Brings me back to the
story, I've never, in all the years married and times away from home,
sometimes too many, been, by the same token interested in 'phone sex'. Not my
scene, even with slightly risque neighbors. No rewind that! _Especially_ with
slightly risque neighbors. Yet that is exactly what these transcripts are.
They make you feel as if you shouldn't be reading them; and dammit, they make
you a little hot as well. I can't describe them as exciting, but.... they are
different. Voyeuristic, and the only sex is descriptive, masturbatory.
Difficult to categorize, it's strangely arousing. I found myself sitting in
front of a dying log fire, nursing a glass of scotch, and musing. Strange
thing the mind, strange what turns us on. Never mind; time for bed, I guess.
It _will_ be in my mind as I drift to sleep. You really ought to read it.
Ratings for 'Phone Calls'
Technical quality: 8 (Nothing outstanding.)
Plot & character: 9 (There is nothing apart from the intro, yet)
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 (The appeal grows in the mind.)
"You Took Me" by Brother Cadfael (Brother_Cadfael@earthcorp.com). Guest
reviewed by Poison Ivan (poisoniv1@hotmail.com). Brother Cadfael's stories
are archived at http://home.fia.net/~cadfael/.
"You Took Me" is one of those first/second person stories, with a male "I" and
a female "you." I have a small problem with this type of story, and I can
only make them work for me if I imagine they are love letters. This is not
especially fair to the author, who is not writing a love letter, but what can
I do?
As a love letter, "You Took Me" is very short and very sweet. The sex is not
too explicit, and there isn't much story to speak of. But there is some nice
kissing and body contact. And there is a dreamy, romantic tone that is not at
all unpleasant.
A nice story to read if you need a quick pick-me-up.
Ratings for "You Took Me"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Ivan (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Bill's Seduction" by Anthony (tonytony3@juno.com). Guest Review by Sandman
(sandman@bitsmart.com).
This story begins at a New Year's party, where an innocent kiss under some
mistletoe turns out to be a little less than innocent. Later on, Bill (the
narrator) discovers Roberta is painstakingly seducing him. Actually I should
say, tediously seducing him. Bill resists to the point of complaining about
Roberta's flirtations. But of course, Bill doesn't resist too hard when the
moment of truth comes.
An aggressive woman can be exciting. Adultery can be a spice, an adventure, a
break from monotony. A pursuit can be enticing, even more erotic than the sex
itself . The elements are certainly here for this story to have worked, yet
it's surprisingly drab in its appeal. So what went wrong?
It's my belief the story fails by belaboring the reluctance of the narrator.
The reader is reminded time and time again that Bill doesn't want anything to
do with Roberta. After the first few flirtations Bill begins to open up just
the tiniest bit to the possibility of an affair, but immediately clamps back
down again. Thus the affair, when it happens, is seen by the reader as a
failure, a defeat - not exactly what you want your readers to be thinking when
the big sex scene starts happening.
Here's an interesting twist though. If the story had been written from
Roberta's point of view, I think the story might have worked as some sort of
female domination story (forgive me if I misunderstand the genre). In this
case the challenge would be to make Bill submit to her will and have sex with
her. Here Bill's reluctance would have been a nice plot device. Really, the
story may still work out that way for some readers, but I rather suspect that
since the story is written from the point of view of the prey rather than the
hunter the appeal will be vastly diminished.
Now the good news. Once the author stops making the narrator so reluctant and
has the two hop into bed, the sex is pretty well written. Roberta stays
consistently the aggressive woman and directs the sex like a producer
directing a play, but the imagery is vivid enough. It's not the best sex
scene ever written but it most certainly isn't the worst.
As someone who likes his erotica wrapped around a cozy story, I find myself in
the awkward position of having to say this story would have been far better if
the author had chopped off the first part and simply submitted it as a sex
scene. Certainly, as it stands now I can not recommend this story.
Ratings for "Bill's Seduction"
Athena (technical quality): 9-- A little hard to read.
Venus (plot & character): 6 -- Not really appealing.
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 4 - Didn't really strike a chord.
* "Tomboy" by Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com). Occasionally I make a truly
earth-shaking discovery. This is one of those times. Have you ever wondered
why Harper Lee wrote only one novel that anyone cares about, even though that
one novel (To Kill a Mockingbird) is read by almost every high school student
in the United States? Have you ever wondered whether Harper Lee was a man or
a woman? Have you ever wondered what Harper Lee is doing right now? I'll
ignore the first two questions, but the answer to the third appears to be that
Harper Lee is writing stories for this newsgroup under the pseudonym of Jordan
Shelbourne!
When I read a story, I HAVE to imagine somebody in the roles of the main
characters. For example, I picture myself as Pat Allen when I read Mark
Aster's stories; it was easy to picture my husband as Joey in "A Rude
Awakening"; and one of the reasons I like to read sitcom parodies is because
it's easy to picture the actors as the protagonists. As I read "Tomboy," the
author's style naturally led me to picture Scout from "To Kill a Mockingbird"
as Spike and Dill as Kip. Maybe I've been doing too many lesson plans, but
look at this passage:
"I know that sounds stupid. I mean, I was looking forward to the first time I
ever really fucked a girl and all that, but I never thought it would be
_Spike._ Spike was something permanent in my life, and I thought our
friendship would never change. But it had. Spike had just become something,
someone, totally different and I didn't know what, and I didn't know what was
allowed between us."
If that's not Harper Lee talking, I don't know who it is! Anyway, the story
is about a young boy who goes away to summer camp and returns home to find his
best friend has grown up and is not happy about her new-found sexual
characteristics. Nothing a little touchie-feelie won't cure!
Ratings for "Tomboy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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