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From: "Milos Bogdanovic" <milos@net.yu>
Subject: St. Valentine's Day!   "Oh, I would like to fall in love so much!"
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Sometimes we hear:

"Oh, I would like to fall in love so much!"

In a classical relationship, a young man and his girlfriend notice 
that their conversations and their friendship are "empty" and because 
of that they try to add to it by arousing one other's emotions which 
they use as a moving force in their relationship.

A relationship 
which is based on emotions instead on real love is a relationship 
of the mutually burdened. They are such in the mutual game of their selfish
wishes. 

They do not love each another, but they like the values they see 
in each another. It is quite the same whether they see the value (the 
reason of the love) in a nice physical appearance or in material 
values possessed by the person concerned.

If we love a person with a selfish love that always demands a 
reason we love for, we will be prone to "sacrifice" that very person 
for the reasons we love him or her for. It is a characteristic of 
every selfish love, no matter where it is directed; to
oneself, to another man or to a community. For example, a 
nationalist will be prone to sacrifice his nation because of the 
values he loves it for, as well as a self-centered man will commit 
suicide because of his hurt conceit, etc. 

In a true love, the reason why we love somebody is not in the 
values of the person we love, but is in the motive of the very 
love for which we love that person. The person we love has his or 
her virtues (and weaknesses), but they are not a reason but an 
opportunity for expression of our love toward him or her. 

Pleasant feelings of marital closeness must not be a foundation 
of faith, but just an opportunity for its manifestation.

By a wrong role of the feeling of closeness, one just suppress 
the awareness of the opportunities for expressing and accepting a 
true friendship. 
 
A constant opportunity for expressing and accepting love of a true 
friendship is a mutual understanding omitted in a classical 
relationship, for it would disguise the "selfish game" and so 
disturbed the lulled conscience.
 
A classical relationship is based on a mutual satisfying of 
selfish desires and not on satisfying of man's real needs. For a 
selfish man is more important how he heels that whether what he 
is doing is well, and so the man will sacrifice his very 
existence for a pleasure. 

On the contrary, a true love is directed to the needs of the very life and 
existence. It is a reasonable and purposeful response to man's 
real needs, and therefore it creates a trauma of selfish 
relationships. Since man does not like himself, an acceptance of 
other's goodness represents a humiliation and an attack on his 
own great I, for it comes into conflict with the principles of 
his own self-sufficiency and selfishness.

Should, for example, a side inspired by a true friendship
tell another a couple of advises about healthy foods, than the 
latter could reply:

"It is not your business whether I will have a healthy diet! 
It is my private thing! It is not up to you to mix into it!"

The institution of a classical relationship is understood as a 
political institution, where each has his or her selfish 
interest. The relationship is a successful one if those needs are 
mutually in an accord, but is not good if those needs are 
confronted.

There is a silent convention about a reciprocal satisfaction of 
the selfish interests and about a reciprocal lulling of 
conscience: 

"Do not mix into my life. It is my thing. With me not loving myself, who
are you to love me? It humiliates me! But, if you 
want to be my boy(girl)-friend, to exchange with me sexual pleasures, 
then I agree to be in a relation with you! If you wish to be with me, don't
upset my 
conscience, and I will not yours either! I will  always avoid all 
the questions obliging spiritually and morally. I will leave to 
you to determine your spirituality for yourself, but leave me, my 
sins, my mind and conscience alone. It is my business! 

Because of that irrationality of sin, in a classical relationship, 
the common sense is excluded, for it would disguise the game.

That many have got convinced of the sinful motives of their 
emotional relation with a person of opposite sex is seen from 
their attitude: "I will not go out with that person, for he (or 
she) is my friend. I don't want to spoil the friendship!"

So they show unconsciously that they are not moved by a true love 
but by a selfish one in their "going out", opposed by a true 
friendship. 

Because they are moved by selfishness, instead of love, they are most 
frequently afraid of marital responsibilities. They are reserved 
with regard to marriage with the person they are "going out" 
with, in a hope of finding a better person and then to abandon 
the former one immediately. Thus they show that they are with the 
another person not for his or her sake, bit for their own sake.

The Bible condemns clearly pre-marital relationships:

"Tel marriage be held in honor by all, and let the marriage bed be kept
undefiled; 
for God will judge fornicators and adulterers." (Hebrews 13:4)

"But fornication and impurity of any kind, or greed, must not even be
mentioned among you, as is proper among saints. Entirely out of place is
obscene, silly, and vulgar talk; but instead, let there be thanksgiving. Be
sure of this, that no fornicator or impure person, or one who is greedy
(that is, an idolater), has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of
God." (Ephesians 5:3-5)

"Shun fornication! Every sin that a person commits is outside the body; but
the fornicator sins against the body itself. Or do you not know that your
body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God,
and that you are not your own? For you were bought with a price; therefore
glorify God in your body." (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)

It is possible, of course, to transfer the mentioned abuses also to the 
institution of marriage, where the marital union becomes a cover 
for mutual selfish and bodily desires of the mates. Marital 
closeness should be a step more in expressing an already existing 
friendship, and not a substitution for the friendship 
unattainable for a selfish heart. Sexuality is one of the ways of 
expressing love for marital partner, but when a man has not a 
true love then sexuality becomes an object of man's selfish 
desires.

Thus the special closeness of a marital union becomes a
a constant opportunity for expressing variety of sins, instead of 
being an opportunity for expressing a true love, and so its 
potential blessing transforms into an utmost damnation.

Researches show that the greatest percentage of murders has not 
been committed somewhere at the street during the night, but in 
one's own home by one's "the closest".

"Say to wisdom, 'You are my sister,' and call insight your intimate friend
that may keep you from the loose women, from the adulteress with her smooth
words. For at the window of my house I looked out through my lattice and I
saw among the simple ones, I observed among the youths, a young man without
sense, passing along the street near her corner, taking the road to her
house in the twilight, ... With much seductive speech she persuades him;
with her smooth talk she compels him. Right away he follows her, and goes
like an ox to the slaughter, or bounds like a stag toward the trap. Until
an arrow pierce its entrails. Do not let your hearts turn aside to her
ways; do not stray into her paths. For many are those she has laid low, and
numerous are her victims. Her house is the way to Sheol, going down to the
chambers of death." (Proverbs 7)

The process whereby Satan leads his victims to the slaughterhouse 
has the following phases:

1) DIRECTING AN FALLING IN LOVE

Satan has the right on the persons moved by a selfish love 
and tendency to falling in love, and has the right to manipulate 
them through their weaknesses. He firstly inflames a selfish 
discontent in them, and then directs them to the another half. He 
inspires sometimes men also with very sublime and strong feelings 
in order that they get to the closeness reserved for a marital 
union only. He often lulls their conscience by various signs and 
miracles, in order that they can sin in peace.

2) BINDING TOGETHER

I order to be able to manipulate his victims more easily later 
on, and to induce them more successfully into various sins, he 
tries firstly to make the persons bound to and dependent on each 
others. It is the same whether he succeeds in it by an emotional 
dependency or by financial, housing or some other 
interests. Often the very institution of marriage established in 
traditional environment or a child birth represents a way in 
which Satan binds two persons together, in order to reveal his real face 
and to manipulate them only later on.  

3) OPENING EYES AND PROVOKING A CONFLICT

When a bond between two persons is realized to such an extent that 
it is too late or very difficult to break that bond, Satan enters 
a discord into the desires of those who are "going out". Either 
side suddenly gets different plans for life, whether on a level 
of important life issues or in relation to trivial daily details, 
and disagreements occur. 

Then Satan removes the veil from the eyes, most often to one side 
only, and then it wonders how it could begin relationship at all 
with 
a person of such a character. Satan withdraws his intoxicating 
feelings soon and the person see its other part in a such a light 
as never before.

"The Amnon was seized with a very great loathing for her; indeed his
loathing was even greater than the lust he had felt for her. Amnon said to
her, 'Get out!'" 
(2 Samuel 13:15)

One side (or the other too) understands too late that he or she 
actually has never acquainted his or her partner. An attractive 
appearance and magic feelings of previous encounters have dazzled 
completely a reasonable knowing of the real character of that 
person.

He or she actually has never looked for a true friend in the 
other side, but just an object of satisfying his or her own 
sexuality, and when the practical life began to reveal the real 
character of that person a sobering came too late. 

Most frequently Satan still inspires the other side by pleasant 
feelings and it tries to retain the impact on the other person by 
a feeling of pity or by arousing a feeling of guilt. So their 
relationship becomes an obvious mutual burden they have not 
strength to get of themselves. In the mutual conflicts 
a manifestation of almost all sins they bear in themselves take 
place, and so such a relationship becomes an utmost damnation. 
Satan inspires their mutual actions and a worst interpretation of those 
actions in order to provoke as sinful mutual reaction as possible 
in such a way.

4) FALSE HOPE

If there exist possibility of breaking such a relationship, in 
the moments when one side think about the break, Satan influences 
the other person's behaviour so that he/she corrects his/her 
behaviour, in order to give a false hope to the other side about 
an eventual happy end. 

5) ADULTERY

When a man has relied on the force of falling in love which is of 
Satanic inspiration, Satan has a power to redirect those feelings 
to another person, and so induce the man to the sin of adultery.

6) JEALOUSY

Since man is prone to interpret the others' actions by the 
principles of his own sinful heart, he tends to suspect his mate 
through his own adultery and to suffer from jealousy.

7) SOLUTION

If those persons are "inappropriate" and have already been in 
a union which is unbreakable because of children or some other 
reasons, there still exists a solution. 

As much as they are near God, they will be near to each another. 
It is necessary that both sides experience a reform of character, 
to realize an experience of a spiritual rebirth. then the unity 
of the marriage will not be founded on common interests, or on 
the very form of marriage union, but on the same Spirit of divine 
love which will inspire their mutual relations. Just their mutual 
weaknesses will become an opportunity for mutual help and 
encouragement in their overcoming.

Better and better understanding of the other side will give more 
and more opportunity for expressing mutual love. in that way 
human weakness can become God's strength of those mates who 
humiliate themselves before God and leave to Him creation of 
their life course.

When they repent for their sins, and reconcile with God, God 
Himself will become a foundation of their unity and true 
friendship.

* * *

HOW TO REALIZE A REAL UNSELFISH GOODNESS
A drug-addict will offer drug to his/her for a feeling of love. 
Therefor, to have a feeling of love does not mean a motive of love 
as well. What is the difference and how to realize a real love?
http://www.net.yu/~milos/7oib.html

ARE WE MOVED BY A REAL LOVE OR A PSYCHOLOGICAL NEED?
A man burden with psychological needs has neither time nor will 
to love. How to discern a real love from a burden?
http://www.net.yu/~milos/engl.html

IS A SIN TO FEEL HAPPINESS?
Sin is not in feelings but in selfish motives whereby man reacts on 
pleasant experiences.
http://www.net.yu/~milos/a2.html

HOW TO COMPREHEND GOD?
God is comprehended by reason, felt by feelings, chosen by will 
and lived by heart! However, many people try to comprehend God by feelings,
to feel Him by reason, to choose Him by a sinful heart and to live Him by
will. So they fall either to heavy discouragement or to various kinds of
fanaticism.
http://www.net.yu/~milos/esc.html

HOW TO RECONCILE WITH GOD
Many people are burdened with a need to come out before their 
conscience, other men and God with some their own righteousness. 
However, God does not ask from us our own righteousness, but 
offers his own as a gift. He does not want to satisfy our need 
for a feeling of our own righteousness, but wants to rest us from 
that need. He Himself wants to become a strength of our will and a 
righteousness of our life.
http://www.net.yu/~milos/pha.html

HOW JESUS ACTED TOWARD ADULTERESS
"People love sin, but do not love sinner. 
Jesus does not love sin, but loves sinners."
http://www.net.yu/~milos/da50egw.html

Greetings from Milos, milos@net.yu

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