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Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 253 - Jan 28
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Celestial Reviews 253 - January 28, 1998
Note: A little boy was playing in his room when suddenly he heard animalistic
sounds emanating from his parents bedroom. He rushed to the door and peered
through the keyhole and was shocked by what he saw.
There on the bed were his parents, his father on top of his mother and his
mother's arms flailing back and forth. When his parents came out of the
bedroom, the little boy rushed to his mother and said, "Mommy, Mommy, did
Daddy hurt you?"
The mother replied, "Oh, no, baby, it's just what people do. When we grow up,
we roll around naked in bed and this is how we get babies." The little boy
was fine with that.
Several days later, when his auntie and uncle were visiting, he heard the same
sort of animalistic sounds coming from their bedroom. Again, he ran to the
door and peered through the keyhole and was shocked by what he saw.
There was his uncle STANDING in the middle of the room and his auntie on her
knees before him with her head bobbing back and forth, back and forth, back
and forth. When they came from the bedroom, the little boy rushed to his
auntie and said, "Auntie, mother explained to me that when people get big they
roll around naked in bed and this is how they get babies. But, auntie, what
were you doing?"
Auntie laughed and said, "Darling', that's how we get jewelry."
Second note: I have to remember to stop picking on John Milton. I must have
just had a bad teacher when I studied Milton. It's really unfortunate how one
bad teacher can utterly ruin an author for a student. Anyway, please find all
my negative references to John Milton and insert Henry James instead.
Third note: I am getting more requests for proofreading help lately. If any
of my previous volunteers have not been active recently and would like to
receive a new assignment, please contact me. Likewise, if you have never
proofread before and would like to give it a try, please contact me. It can
be fun! Finally, if you want the help of one of these proofreaders or if you
have requested help and have not received it yet, please contact me. This is
one of the best genuinely free services in the entire world. Really!
Fourth note: One of my guest reviewers has suggested posting Story Links with
these reviews. These are the http locations in the a.s.s.m. archive where
these stories are stored. By simply pasting this address into the proper
place in your Web browser, you can get the story immediately.
Initially, this sounds like a good idea, but there are some problems. First,
not all the stories are archived in a.s.s.m. Second, giving you this
information may overwhelm the a.s.s.m. archive or cause some abuse that I am
unaware of. I think Eli is doing a great job and I don't want to make his
life miserable. Third - and most important from my perspective - it's too much
work for me to do this alone. This is because I usually get the stories
before they are archived. To supply the story links, I would have to go back
after I have written the reviews and find each link. My feeling is that I
have exhausted my public service by writing the reviews; but if someone else
would like to cooperate by getting the links for me, that would make the task
manageable. In fact, this might be almost no extra work for someone else, who
might routinely download all the stories I review after the reviews appear in
CR.
I am posting the links for several of the stories in this issue. {The other
stories either had no link at the time this went to press or were too
difficult for me to find.} I would appreciate you feedback - plus any offers
from volunteers.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Prick" by Lord Malinov (video voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
"Starlight" by SandMan (detective story sex) 10, 10, 10
"Grass" by Uther Pendragon (sex with a real stud) 10, 9, 9
"HetSex" by AdrBrown (lesbian subterfuge) 10, 10, 10
"Letter to Sarah" by The Bear (blindfolded rendezvous)
10, 10, 10
"Peggy and Brad" by Emerson Laken-Palmer (swinging)
9, 9, 9
Guest Reviews:
"Clinton" by Zifferman (political satire) 9.95. 9.9, 10
"Her Treatment" by Burnt Sienna (oral sex) 9, 7, 5
"My Lust For Anna" by Hap E. Meal (mutual masturbation)
3, 4, 3
"The Long Weekend" by Skull Duggery (sisterly sex adventure)
9, 10, 10
"The Couch" by Myschief (female masturbation) 9, 4, 6
"I Remember" by Louise (masturbation) 8, 9, 9
Reposted Reviews:
* "A Rude Awakening" by Michael Dagley (reformed
virgin on a binge) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"Prick" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com). Story
Link:http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7776.txt
This is a story about Stephanie and Liz masturbating together while they are
watching Rick watching a tape of Stephanie doing an erotic striptease on a
videotape that she had made for Mark while Stephanie is making the videotape
that Stephanie and Liz are watching. That sentence makes perfect sense - but
only after you already know what the story is about.
Rick is a real prick! That sentence also makes perfect sense - but only after
you already know what the story is about.
I guess you had better go and read this story, if you want to understand this
review.
Ratings for "Prick"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Starlight" by SandMan (sandman@bitsmart.com). Steve Whiley is a private dick
- a detective, that is. Crystal Dawn (about whom a country western song
should be written, if there isn't one already) is a netstar who needs
protection from a stalker. Steve gets the gig. My husband says I am sexy when
I use technical terms.
Crystal is a beautiful dame. She has the nicest set of teeth the author has
come across in a long time. The author didn't say that, but maybe he will in
another story. It's something Sergeant Friday would have said, had he been
allowed to say what was really on his mind. I think Magnum P.I. actually DID
say it once, but maybe that's something I just made up.
The story is set in the future, at a time when soaps are virtual reality on
the Internet instead of the simple fare we have on TV now and when earthquakes
could be predicted so accurately that Californians time their lovemaking to
take advantage of the movement of the earth. Hemingway would love that.
Ernest - not the blonde Hemingway. Anyway, they do sex about the same way we
do it now, except that they occasionally line up their beds to point to the
epicenter. Imagine that.
This is not so much a sex story as a very good detective story with sex in it.
I liked it a lot.
The most novel spellcheck mistake award goes to this author's accidental use
of "prescient" instead of "precinct" - unless P.I stands for Pussy Inspector,
in which case prescience would be more useful than a precinct. At least I
think so. Sometimes the gang down at the precinct think they are prescient,
but they probably just make a good guess now and then about whether she's
wearing panties or not.
Also, "uno momento" is a tiny amount of time in Spanish. A "memento" is a
sort of souvenir. Look for the word "memory" in the root. I am a cunning
linguist - a sort of a word dick. That's my job. Mark VII.
Ratings for "Starlight"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Grass" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). This is a story about grass.
Grass, my ass! This is a story about a real stud, a veritable stallion who
selects his filly from the herd, fucks her, and makes her like it.
I am trying to make my reviews no more than 10% as long as the story. So this
review is finished.
Ratings for "Grass"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"HetSex" by AdrBrown (Adrbrown@aol.com) Story
Link:http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7664.txt
This isn't really a "hot" story; but it's a very good one. It contains
essentially no explicit sex, but it held my constant attention for the fifteen
minutes or so it took to read it.
The narrator is a female career Air Force pilot who is a lesbian but fakes sex
with guys in order to be "certified" as acceptable in the Air Force. It seems
that the "don't ask, don't tell" policy doesn't really work. The way she
handles the problem is both creative and plausible.
The author uses an intensely interesting style that makes me hope she'll post
some more stories.
In the "You Learn Something New Everyday Department": "sicked" is a legitimate
spelling of the past tense of "sic," meaning "to set upon or attack." But
sicced is probably preferred. My spellcheck recognizes neither of these past
tenses. It thinks I was trying to spell first "sickbed" and then "succeed."
I just thought you should know that.
Ratings for "HetSex"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Letter to Sarah" by The Bear (thebear@io.com). Story
Link:http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7237.txt
Sarah is a college girl. During her Christmas break she receives an anonymous
package containing a letter and some sexy lingerie. The letter contains
instructions to come to room 36 at the Deluxe Motel at a specified time,
wearing the lingerie on December 23. The letter also instructs Sarah to put
on a blindfold before knocking on the door and gives a detailed description of
what will happen to her thereafter. Sarah cannot decide whether the package
is from her boyfriend Brian, his roommate Tom, or perhaps from someone else.
This is an interesting twist on the blindfolded-in-the-motel-room motif. I
really liked it.
Ratings for "Letter to Sarah"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Peggy and Brad" by Emerson Laken-Palmer (Sxjames@aol.com). Story Link:
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7719.txt
Emerson and Lynn are happily married, but they decide to expand their horizons
by swinging. So they place an ad, and soon they meet Peggy and Brad for a
one-night session. The sex is all spouse-swapping - no threesomes or
foursomes. It's really pretty hot stuff.
As I have stated many times in these Reviews, my husband and I are monogamous.
I say this not to try to convert you to our lifestyle, but rather to give you
the frame of reference from which I am reviewing this story.
There are some good reasons to try swinging. For example, in this story we
learn that Brad is repulsed by even the idea of eating pussy and that and that
a new man's cock feels very good inside Peggy and that Emerson has a gentle
way of fucking that is quite different from the fast, pistoning method Peggy
is used to and that Emerson's cock can touch places in her that Brad's has
never touched before. That really does sound enticing. I'm going to probably
go to my grave having experienced only a limited range of the fucking styles
available on the North American continent and with some parts of my innards
completely untouched by a man's cock.
A basic flaw in these swinging stories is that they present that lifestyle
with no problems. Even aside from the positive values I see in monogamy, it
seems to be just plain common sense that swinging partners are at least as
likely to be a pain in the ass as are marriage partners. This thought rarely
shows up in these stories. In addition, they make the rather tenuous
assumption that if hubby hits it off with wife2, wifey will also hit it off
with hubby2 - and all with no jealousy.
But, hey! It's all in the spirit of good clean fun, and this is a hot story.
Ratings for "Peggy and Brad"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Clinton" by Zifferman (zifferman@aol.com). Guest review by The One And Only
TDS. Story Link: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7627.txt
I can't help feeling I got carried away with this, but given the circumstances
surrounding the timing of this story's release and also the impact events are
having, I felt I should just let go!
Let me start this sucker of a review off with what I believe are a set of
germane quotes, speaking relatively to the situation now at hand in and
throughout America...if you believe our airwaves are dominated by news shows
that need to fill time and yap-yap talk shows that need to be filled with
trailer park trash...
"Image is everything."
- U.S./Wimbledon tennis champion Andre Agassi,
in commercial for Canon cameras (which SUCK).
"Frank's story about what happened is, to say the most, very
fascinating." (Pause, smile becoming an exasperated frown).
"To say the least, it's perjury!" (Laugh track)
- Benjamin "Hawkeye" Pierce, M*A*S*H episode
"Now, if it were a Republican that got laid, THAT would be a story!"
- Comedian Bob "Bobcat" Goldthwait to Arsenio Hall
The first quote is way, way, WAAAAY off the mark, in this case. For the
record, this story was posted to Eli's web page on Jan. 21 - to be hereinafter
referred to, historically, as Monica Lewinsky Day! The REAL quote should be
"TIMING is everything!"
Anyone out there wanna argue with that??
The second...well, if you know the particulars involving Lewinsky and Paula
Jones and Linda Tripp and Gennifer Flowers and all of THAT gang...please don't
be dead brained enough to have to ask! I and all the other people who think
for a living in this world have far more important and interesting things to
do, thank you very much...
As for the third quote...'nuff said!
The premise of this work is blatant: Bill Clinton is traveling the country on
a series of interviews and speaking engagements. Part of his various
appearances involve being grilled (I can't use the word interview twice in a
paragraph without looking like a no-brain geek) by local reporters on "the
issues." At one studio our hero comes in contact with a female reporter who
has the kind of body he wants to grill, drill and fill...need I say more,
faithful companion?
Some plot, of course. And the eventual outcome? OF COURSE he fucks her, you
idiot, what did you *think* was going to happen? Chelsea was going to ask for
a car so she could go necking or something?
At this point, I have to give a MAJOR compliment to the author: My fellow
American writer, you've got some damn solid talent here, in particular a very
facile mind regarding observations of situations! I loved the part where you
pointed out what today's politicians are like, in terms of their handling and
handlers - particularly your very well-written paragraph on the process and
techniques of their preparation, which gave you major points in this review
and is a must read for those interested in the modern political world and its
sundry and arcane processes - but, most of all, I REALLY want to stand up and
compliment you mightily for (I am sure by accident) creating two phrases that
may end up in the American lexicon, even though you might not have intended
this to happen when you were writing: "modem Presidency" and
"modempoliticians"!
Absolutely perfect! Absolutely appropriate! Absolutely FABULOUS! (WHOOPS!!
Sorry, that's a registered trademark...aw, FUCK 'em! It *STILL* applies). In
those words you have coined the future of the political and, by definition,
communicative process of public discourse and action in and throughout our
nation in the years ahead.
I know you meant to say "modern", but this may be the first example of a
Freudian slip that came complete with shirt, tie, suit and two pairs of pants!
I left the socks and shoes out because you gotta go to *another* store to get
those...and speaking of another store...
Time for a rant, this one involving public perceptions:
The days of the whistlestop train, intimate Fireside Chats, cozy relationships
with public figures...all that's over. And THANK GOD for that; I was getting
pretty fuckin' sick of those staged scenes where all was well on the outside
even though the inside was simply so dysfunctional if word ever got out all
hell would break loose and all involved would fall to bits. What I'm
describing involves that cozying up to celebrities of all types so they look
better than good to the average six-pack-suckin', beer-fartin', do-the-work,
pay-the- taxes-and-still-get-screwed-in-the-end human being referred to as the
person on (or, depending on the economy, IN) the street. Said same "cozying
up" accomplished with techniques developed throughout the years - and all a
setup, OBVIOUSLY, to those with the proper education, training and
sophistication - ranging from every single cutesy (and insipid) Hollywood
studio-supplied promote-the-stars newsreels to the unending photo ops for
politicians all over the place (now supplanted by cable channels trying to
grab onto anything they can think of just to fill overnight air time) to every
story - no matter the subject - that needs a "spin doctor" of one kind or
another (let alone those involved who need lawyers, guns and money).
Americans of today are a much more observant and, overall, tolerant lot than
they were forty or fifty years ago. Whether or not they are a lot of louts to
be observed and tolerated is another question, given what they're having to
observe (and we're having to tolerate). Far more offensive to all is open and
outright illegality, as there has been so much blatant hypocrisy spewed forth
(Richard Nixon: "I'm not a crook!" To which the appropriate response to that
line is: Here's this tape with the word "not" edited out!) that, as years
have passed, people have become inured, virtually, to any kind of two-faced
behavior concerning private morals between consenting adults. In short, the
majority (the Silent Majority; there's that goddamn Nixon prick again) will
take almost anything ranging from off color jokes to making the beast with two
backs at Madison Square Garden - so long as it does not involve police or any
other authority figures (see Mike Tyson, among others) having to pull out
their badges or handcuffs, file charges, sit down as deliberative bodies and -
horrors! - actually WORK for a living.
Some technical nits with the story, most of these are based on my personal
preferences involving copy and its visual presentation - in short, I believe
layout can increase dramatically the power of the written word just as
inflection can enhance the power of the spoken word. But I'm not going to
slam this story too heavily, in terms of its technical merit. So, starting
with a 10 and working backwards:
Deduct 0.1 point: I would have taken the line "It was pussy." and made it a
single paragraph on its own; setting it off would add a better visual effect
to the line's hilarity.
Deduct 0.2 point: After the phrase "scratchy balls," I would have added the
line "He was supposed to have brass balls. Unlike his wife Hillary, who was
nothing BUT brass balls." Can't forget you gotta have a lot of brass to BE
the President. Let alone be married to one.
Deduct 0.2 point: The phrase should be "PREdominantly female-guard team" (You
gotta read the story to find out why that idea sucked - but I think you can
get it from the subject matter).
Deduct 0.1 point: Not following up the crack about having to do guard duty
for Dan Quayle (YICCCH!) with the line "Especially guarding his frigid titless
wife Marilyn, who smiles like she could eat a pineapple through a tennis
racquet."
Deduct .05 point: Golf balls are covered with balata, NOT rubber (even though
it is a type of rubber, please use the correct term - this from someone who
once played to a 2 handicap)
ADD 0.5 point: "modem Presidency" and "modem politicians", watch for these
phrases from a newspaper columnist near you! WELL DONE!!
Deduct 0.1 point: Figures you have to have an undersexual husband to make
this work on her part...sheesh. What if hubby was a closet gay who could not
come out? HMMMM....to that:
ADD 0.15 point: Hillary being gay! Which leads me to believe THAT'S the
reason for all this perjury crap surrounding Slick Willy and Miss
Whatzthatbimbozenamethisweek: The "affair" was with HILLARY and NOT Boner
Bill, and he was getting this intern to shut up so his wife's career - and his
precious studly status - wouldn't be blown. Imagine that! (And can you
imagine the effect that would have on his ego, to say nothing of his career?
Everybody would start to call him "Ross" because he made a woman go gay...)
Deduct 0.1 point: Female reporter protesting Clinton put his hands on her
buttocks - and there was no follow-up Forrest Gump reference of any kind! For
shame...!
ADD 0.1 point: Clinton's line "Puritanism died a terrible death some time
ago." Now *that's* a line a horny politician would think of!
Deduct 0.1 point: For forgetting Bush's poontang allegations.
ADD 0.1 point: For, thankfully, not thinking about NIXON fucking!
Deduct 0.15 point: Line that needs editing, mostly because it is good
evidence of carelessness. "We politicians be guilty of sexual harassment."
Something tells me some words are missing here...
Deduct .05 point: Ending of second section was abrupt, may need reposting
because it looks like some lines were cut off. Please resend this part in
whole to Eli and these points will be restored immediately.
ADD 0.1 point: Reference to Bob Packwood (WHATTA last name) being in office
at the time this story was written - which gives it a bit of historical
reference.
ADD 0.1 point: That paragraph concerning morality in the Middle Ages and how
it applied to sexuality. Not only are we talking a logical fallacy here, but
the author has managed to get away with it by making the female comprehend it!
Way cool!
ADD .05 point: The line "An inch doesn't equal a ruler." What a load of
shit! And she buys it! What I'd give to be that naive again.
Deduct 0.2 point: She does *not* perform oral sex on him.
ADD 0.2 point: The story *works* without it! And that's THAT!
By the way, in case you think Willy Clit-on is the only Leader Of The Free
World who GOT nookie while in office, all I can say is COME THE FUCK ON! Take
a read of this list:
* Chester A. Arthur, dubbed the handsomest man to be President, "kept a whore
on the premises" of the White House, according to no less a source than one
Harry Truman. "Back home, we called a fellow like that a widower with means,"
went the line from the script of "Give 'Em Hell, Harry"; although that
statement may not be attributed directly to him, it is still a riot to read!
* Grover Cleveland, before becoming president (TWICE), fathered a kid out of
wedlock (Ma, Ma, where's my Pa?/Gone to the White House, Ha Ha Ha) and then
married his *ward* Frances Folsomin the only time a sitting President ever got
married in the White House.
(although not scandalous but worth telling because it's a scream) * Woodrow
Wilson, a widower before marrying Edith Boling Galt (who herself was a widow),
had the lady to the White House one evening. The Washington Post said Wilson
"spent the night entering Mrs. Galt."
* Warren Harding fathered a kid with his mistress, Nan Britton, in a closet at
the White House (closet reportedly in the Oval Office - I gotta check that
part out).
* Franklin Roosevelt died at Warm Springs, Georgia in the presence of his
mistress, Lucy Mercer.
* Dwight Eisenhower, during WWII, was screwing his Jeep driver, Kay Summersby,
who was in the British army at the time.
* John Kennedy. Enough said.
* Lyndon Johnson reportedly had another canary besides Lady Bird (and that
chick had to see SOMETHING in that buzzard, man).
* Gerald Ford...nah, I'm from West Michigan, and he did too much without his
goddamn football helmet on...
* Jimmy Carter lusted after women in his heart (PLAYBOY said so) and Roslyn,
when last seen, was loadin' her scattergun in the peanut barn and looking
around somewhat ferally...
* Nancy Davis was two months PREGNANT when she wed Ronald Reagan.
* George Bush reportedly had extra Bush...NOT Busch, got that?
All this leads me to the one event that would confirm my worst and deepest
fears, trash my citizenship and run for Canada:
Some asshole of a revisionist historian alleging Abraham Lincoln was a closet
transvestite and George Washington was gay!
Ratings for "Clinton"
Mars: 9.95 (technical quality, especially in terms of linguistic
weaponry)
Venus: 9.9 (quality and believability of plot and characters -
*major* bonus points for sheer outrageous, and delicious,
timing of release)
Melmac: 10 (appeal to reviewer and his faithful sidekick Alf,
who NEEDS this job)
"Her Treatment" by Burnt Sienna (burntsienna@juno.com). Guest review by
Anne747 (Anon747@aol.com).
Darcy goes to the doctor, because even with her numerous sexual encounters she
has discovered she can't cum. And it's just not fair that all of her
girlfriends can. Nurse Candy and Darcy of course have huge tits. The
handsome Doctor with the raging boner decides that Darcy can't cum because
she's never tasted men's cum. Okay, what school did he come from? Two quotes
from the story:
"All her girl friends could cum. They described for her in lewd detail how
their pussies throbbed wildly and their titties tingled and their minds
exploded when some stud humped his cock deep inside their cunts. It just
wasn't fair that Darcy, with her bodacious body, couldn't cum too."
"We've cured seven women in the last year alone, women like you who had never
had an orgasm. Just by teaching them to accept a man's cum into their mouths.
Now they are leading happy, rewarding sexual lives."
There you go, gals. To all women that haven't had an orgasm from the infamous
cock banging away in your pussy - don't you know that YOU should be performing
oral sex on HIM to do the trick! Nurse Candy of course, is such a
professional that she can cum just from tasting the Doctor's pre-cum. Of
course Darcy finds her lot in life, she cums three times just from swallowing
the doctor's cum. Yes, cock-sucking is the way to orgasm ladies!
For those that missed it - yes, that was sarcasm. Oh, and there are 72
occurrences of cum, pre- cum, and cumming in the story. As a female reader, I
just find the whole story just plain silly. The idea of the story held lots
of possibilities, but it just became a male fantasy piece (i.e., what women
really need to do to have orgasms is give lots of head). I'm not sure I'm
being all that fair; perhaps a male reader might have given it better marks.
On the bright side, except for the naughty words, and one misspelled 'condem'
(which brought up condemn before condom!) the spell-check didn't pick out any
horrible problems. I often make the claim that I personally write stroke
fiction: I have no real desire to write literary erotica. However, if this is
stroke fiction at it's finest - boy have I been writing the wrong kind of
stuff!
Now, it's probably not that bad a story for stroke fiction. If your idea of
the perfect story is two large-breasted women kneeling on the floor, blowing
the doctor while they orgasm from cock-sucking, you'll probably love it. For
me, all it left me thinking of was how many better stories could have come
from this basic idea.
Ratings for "Her Treatment"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 5
"My Lust For Anna" by Hap E. Meal (singnfool2@aol.com). Guest review by
SandMan. Story Link:http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7763.txt
In this story I (the narrator) and you (the woman) masturbate for each other,
whereby you cum violently and I manage to shoot all over you, myself, and the
bed. Next I lick your pussy until you have multiple orgasms. By then I'm
pretty much recovered and am able to have intercourse with you as "I slowly
slide myself into you." After I ravish you, we make a little wager where "You
begin to work me over by moving your hips in circles, as if you were doing a
hula dance."
If the summary has not totally alienated you, then you probably fall within
the target audience the Author has selected (predominately female and a few
men who are just biding their time until they can correct that mistake).
This is fine. Writing to a well-defined audience is a good thing, as long as
the audience knows who they are and when they don't belong. I might note
that it is often considered helpful if the author knows and understands his
audience as well.
As a male, I am not qualified to say if the story works for its target
audience or not. I can say with absolute certainty that this story presents
significant obstacles to its readers. The majority of these obstacles lie in
the complete lack of quotation marks. This makes following the dialog
tedious, confusing, and at times impossible.
Beyond punctuation and grammar most readers will find a writing style that
tends to interfere with their ability to suspend belief and become an active
participant in the story. This has nothing to do with point of view and
audience selection, but everything to do with the selection of words, phrases
and even the timing.
This story, I believe, makes a Celestial point good grammar can make a
marginal story readable (if not enjoyable), while bad grammar can make a
marginal story the subject of a bad review. I'm paraphrasing, of course; I
can't quote Celeste chapter and verse, at least not yet anyway. As the story
stands now I believe even the target audience would find this a difficult
story to read and thus difficult to enjoy.
SandMan's Ratings for "My Lust for Anna"
Athena (technical quality): 2 - There are spaces between words
Venus (plot & character): 2 - There's sex but it's hard to get to.
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): - Influenced by gender and Athena.
{Celestial note: I think the preceding review is generally accurate, but the
ratings are too low. There are two problems with this story, grammar and
perspective. Since the reviewer is a male, he had to fight both of these
problems. Being a female, I myself had to face only the problem of grammar.
What I am saying here basically confirms what the reviewer stated: good
grammar can make a marginal story readable (if not enjoyable), while bad
grammar can make a marginal story the target for a bad review.
In addition to the problems mentioned in the previous paragraph, this author
also has the disconcerting habit of occasionally stating the opposite of what
he meant to say. For example, the author states that he "I've never had
orgasms more than 45 minutes apart." The context clearly means he's never had
two orgasms within 45 minutes. When a story combines bad grammar, a lousy
perspective, and self-contradictory expression, you may wonder, "Why bother
reading it?"
The main reason is because there's actually a pretty good plot buried deep
inside this mishmash. I suspect the author actually knows what that plot is
and thinks he has expressed it in this story. I would wager that this author
has not even read through the story once after he "finished" it. He wrote the
damned thing within 45 minutes - limiting himself to just two orgasms at the
most - and then pushed the Send button. Most people can't do that! It's
necessary to read and re-read a story before posting it. It's usually best to
have someone else read the story and offer feedback. Had the author done
this, he would have discovered that the story he wrote is simply not the story
that was in his brain.
I would wager that with appropriate feedback from my proofreaders - which
would include plot adjustments as well as grammar corrections - this could
become a straight-10 story.
Celeste's Ratings for "My Lust for Anna"
Athena (technical quality): 3
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
"The Long Weekend" by Skull Duggery. Guest review by BillyG.
When I was a teenaged male who knew everything, my working definition of
"kinky" was that practice I did (or wanted to) but wouldn't tell anybody. Of
course, a "perversion" was that which I would -never- do. I probably regarded
those positions of mine as firm, a clear-cut line in the sand. Funny, but as
I began to broaden my scope of sexual acceptability, I didn't think I'd ever
stepped over that line. Perhaps nudged it a bit. In some cases, yards. How
does that happen? How do we come to change our boundaries?
"The Long Weekend," at least in the beginning, portrays how "nice girls" come
to move their line in the sand, how they slip into practices that initially
are regarded by most as kinky but soon take on an aura of understandability if
not respectability. The protagonists are two attractive, hirsute sisters on a
camping trip who, as the story unfolds, come across as believable, even
likable.
Ladies, ever want to be natural, let your underarm hair grow, even regard it
as a sign of your sexuality? How about having your nipples pinched when
you're horny and aroused? The younger sister of our duo introduces these
thoughts to her older sister in a surprisingly loving way.
Ostensibly heterosexual, the thrust of this little story is largely same-sex
adventures with a strong exploration of the role of pain in sexual arousal and
gratification. It's all loving and consensual with no violence or NC
elements.
I am going to grade this story on the first of three chapters only, for it's
clear that Chapter 1 - which comprises about one half of the story - is the
long weekend. The other two chapters are of the same sisters in some
disconnected scenarios not really a part of the main story. By confining the
review in this fashion, I'm able to be much more positive about "The Long
Weekend."
Ratings for "The Long Weekend"
Athena (technical quality): 9 (annoying dialog formatting)
Venus (plot & character): 10
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 10 (First half of the story only)
"The Couch" by Myschief (reverendix@juno.com). Guest review by DG. Story
Link:http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7346.txt
This story is only 700 words long, so I'll keep the review correspondingly
brief. "The Couch" consists of one simple scene: a woman is watching an X-
rated movie on her VCR and masturbating. Nothing out of the ordinary happens
- she enjoys the movie, brings herself to orgasm with her vibrator, and goes
to bed. The writing is competent and the woman's physical response is
described in detail, but I really didn't respond to the story because there is
no plot or context. When I was sixteen, a description of a woman masturbating
might have gotten me all hot and bothered: but at this point in my life it
takes more than just the mechanics of human sexual response to hold my
interest. This scene would work quite well as part of a longer story, but it
doesn't stand on its own.
Ratings for "The Couch"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 4
DG (appeal to reviewer): 6
"I Remember" by Louise (louise69@rocketmail.com). Guest review by SandMan.
Story Link:http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7256.txt
"I Remember" is a story about a girl's first sexual awakenings and first
orgasm. This story starts out very well written. The build-up is
interesting, and the author does a great job with the dialog, character
history, and details. The elements are all there for the reader to have a
really, really good time.
Unfortunately, just when the story gets erotic, the narration begins to break
down. Until this point the story has been smooth and very easy to read.
However, when the story moves from titillating to hot most readers will find a
few key words are missing, wrong words are used (here for her), and sometimes
sentences that simply don't work. This is enough to wrench the reader back
into reality, yet this is the exact time the reader least wants that to
happen. It's like being in a really sexy sports car doing a hundred and
twenty and then finding the road ahead is full of pot-holes.
The scenery around the pot-holes, however, is breathtaking. The rich imagery
of a girl in the throes of masturbatory ecstasy should be exciting enough for
most readers. Add to this the tender moments of a first-time exploration;
then add a hint of incest and lesbian fantasy for a touch of the taboo, and
you end up with a very evocative story.
Despite the problems, this is a good first story by a first-time author. I
recommend you read it, enjoy it, and realize the best is probably still yet to
come.
Athena (technical quality): 8-- Needs a good proofreading.
Venus (plot & character): 9-- Naughty, vivid, and oh so nice.
Sandman(appeal to reviewer): 9-- From a biased male perspective.
* "A Rude Awakening" by Michael Dagley (dagley@soho.ios.com). Story
Link:http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7878.txt
I really hate this story! I sat down about 45 minutes ago to read a story
while I ate lunch. I had with me two ham sandwiches, a can of Diet Coke, and
an 18-ounce bag of potato chips. I would read "A Rude Awakening" for ten
minutes while I ate lunch and then prepare my classes for the first week of
the new school year.
I am now one chapter - 10,770 words and approximately 12 ounces of potato
chips - into this story; and I can't stop. My husband is not home; the kid
across the street is mowing the lawn, sweating, his muscles glistening in the
sunlight; Kathy Ireland is looking down at me from my husband's calendar with
a cum-hither look that would give me blue balls if I had balls; and I have my
classes to prepare for a new semester. What's a girl to do? I guess maybe
I'll just read another chapter and see if this feeling goes away.
Well, I read TWO more chapters, at which time there was a lull in the action.
Then I fixed dinner and read four more chapters. Then I had to wait for the
author to post the rest of the story. Frustration Station!
This story contains an amazing blend of voyeurism and direct sexual contact.
For example, at one point Joey is getting head from Mrs. C, who is insisting
that he describe to her what he did with her daughter earlier that evening,
while Joey is making direct eye contact with the daughter, who is safely
hidden and masturbating behind the mother's back. This is hot stuff.
I noticed the title words, "Rude Awakening," several times in the story. The
first context stated that at the time of the story, (June of 1965) graduation
from high school would be a rude awakening: war, racial strife,
assassinations, drugs, and other problems. Like many good titles, however,
this one has more than one meaning. The second time the phrase occurred was
after Joey and Terri had made love; it was a rude awakening for Terri to
discover the power of her sexuality. The term pops up several other times in
the story. The most significant meaning of "rude awakening" is not
specifically stated - just strongly implied. The story begins with Joey an
immature, sad, sexually-repressed young man. He takes no chances with girls
and women, because he is afraid they will consider him to be rude. His friend
and lover Alice tells him he needs to risk being rude once in a while. When
the rudeness in him "awakens," he becomes a more mature, happy, sexually
responsive person. In fact, he becomes the neighborhood Lothario - a term
which you can either look up in your Funk and Wagnalls or infer from the
context of the story. And then he discovers that he has lost something
special - another rude awakening.
What do women really want? Polite men or rude men? The answer is that
different women want different blends; and even the same woman may want a
different emphasis at different times. Also it depends on what you mean by
"rude": in this story rude means that a guy does something that a girl will
like, in spite of the fact that a social custom or the girl's inhibitions
might oppose his action. I myself have been known to use the phrase "Shut up
and kiss me" - or an equivalent, more emphatic phrase, which would indicate a
demand for less "politeness." A very important moral to this story is that it
is often necessary to take some risks in order to be happy. A very wrong
conclusion would be that the rudest asshole gets the girl - or the guy.
This author's greatest strength, I think, lies in his sense of timing. For
example, he has the ability to make me think I'm witnessing two people getting
hotter and hotter until they can't stand it any more; and I can almost feel it
when they explode. He seems to have an intuitive grasp of what to tell me and
when to tell it to me in order to maintain my interest. My husband has a
similar ability, but he accomplishes this effect through direct access to my
body parts.
The main "weakness" to this story is that at times the author seems to want to
cram too much sex into it. I have a theory about why the author has done
this. I suspect that he has contacted a publisher (whom I know and respect,
but will not name in this review) about publishing a version of this story as
a novel; and that the publisher insisted on more instances of explicit sex.
In fact, the publisher I am thinking of makes specific demands, such as (1) a
wide variety of sex that is likely to be perceived as kinky, and (2) at least
two separate instances of specific sex per chapter. I know of at least one
good author who has simply stopped writing erotic stories because he felt that
these demands compromised his literary integrity.
I may be off the track in suggesting that the present author has "padded" his
story with extra sex in order to appeal to a publisher. I do know that there
are several instances where the storyline seems to take an unnecessary turn
that is unrelated to the overall plot. However, not too many readers are
going to complain about "too much hot sex," and so I'll let these
"digressions" slide. What I do know is that I review another story
("Elizabeth & Anastasia" by Tom Bombadil) in this issue of CR that is every
bit as good as this one: and that other story has about a snowball's chance in
my pussy of ever getting published by that same publisher. It's "too long on
story" and "too short on real sex." I think it's about time that that
publisher (or some other publisher) made it clear that it IS OK to have hot
sex in the context of a good story. The world is ready for good stories that
contain hot sex - without quotas and restrictions on what kind and how much
explicit sex needs to be included in each chapter. These stories don't need
to appear on news stands in the supermarkets; but they should be available to
mature adults who want more than a quick fix from their erotica.
As I reread the preceding paragraph, I realize I have overstated my case; but
I think I'll leave it. The present author HAS, in fact, done a commendable
job of trying to deal with the full personality of the main character. This
is an excellent story. In fact, if I would have found this story without
knowing the author's name, I would have guessed that it was written by Delta,
who made my Top 50 List of 1995 not once but four times. That's one of the
strongest compliments I can give to a story.
Ratings for "Rude Awakening"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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