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Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 252 - Jan 24
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Celestial Reviews 252 - January 24, 1998
Note: Since I'm a teacher, I figure I oughta give you a test once in a while:
1. The clitoris is a type of flower. True or False
2. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit. True or False
3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird. True or False
4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack.
True or False
5. A menstrual cycle has three wheels. True or False
6. A G-string is part of a fiddle. True or False
7. Semen is a term for sailors. True or False
8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly. True or False
9. Testicles are found on an Octopus. True or False
10. Asphalt describes rectal problems. True or False
11. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati. True or False
12. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. True or False
13. Coitus is a musical instrument. True or False
14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke. True or False
15. An umbilical chord is part of a parachute. True or False
16. A condom is a large apartment complex. True or False
17. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir. True
or False
18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. True or False
19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. True or False
20. An erection is when Japanese people vote. True or False
21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. True or False
22. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass. True or
False
23. Pornography is the business of making records. True or
False
24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin. True or False
25. Douche is the French word for "twelve". True or False
Second note: I have downloaded from a.s.s. a story called "Bronze Lust."
It's apparently a parody on or at least related to the "Doc Savage" stories,
which are immensely popular among some American men. I have never read a "Doc
Savage" story in my life, and so I probably would not do this one justice. If
there is a Doc Savage fan among my guest reviewers - or anyone else for that
matter - who is willing to review this lengthy story, please contact me. My
impression is that it looks like a well-written story.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"House of Joy" by Emerson Laken-Palmer (consensual
kiddy sex) 9, 8, 7
"There and Not Back Again" by Andrew Roller (sci fi sex)
10, 8, 8
"Chinese Fortune Nookie" by Saucy Wench (eating Chinese)
10, 9, 9
"Fortunata" by Lord Malinov (sexual rendezvous) 10, 10, 10
"Somewhere on the Circle of Life" by Tooshoes (magic &
superhero sex) 10, 10, 10
"(p)Your Erotica" by SandMan (passionate love scene) 9.5, 8, 5
"Please Watch the Closing Doors" by Taria (quickie) 10, 10, 10
"Departure" by Marsupalami (mythological sex) 9, 9, 9
Guest Reviews:
"Drusilla Goes To College" by Unknown Author (superhero sex)
7, 7, 7
"Dawn" by HWG (loving they neighbor) 6, 6, 5
"The Bandit" by Metlay (slice of life) 10, 10, 10
"Owned Teacher, Chapters 1 - 23" by Thumb (sadistic control
of teacher) 8, 8, 9
"The Naughty Good Girl" by Cliff X. (simple mf sex) 10, 8, 8
Reposted Reviews:
* "I Promise" by Tom Bombadil (romance) 10, 9, 10
* "Appleseed" by Wollstonecraft (forced seduction) 10, 10, 10
* "Red Hot" by SueNH (orgy) 9.5, 10, 10
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"House of Joy" by Emerson Laken-Palmer (Sxjames@aol.com). This is an amazing
coincidence. I once had a classmate named Ishmael who claimed to have been
blown away with a false sense of deja-vu when he read the first lines of Moby
Dick. Now I know how he felt. The first sentence of this story is: "It was
in 1984 that I visited New Orleans." It was also in 1984 that I myself first
visited New Orleans. Several times my husband and I arose early in the
morning and took the ferry to the other side of the river and jogged along the
river. Before I stop digressing, I should mention that the best novel ever
set in New Orleans is John Kennedy Toole's "Confederacy of Dunces."
The narrator's experience with New Orleans is different than mine. He's there
on a business trip, and his client offers him a job. To induce him to accept,
the client takes him to the House of Joy. He is assigned to a very elegant
bedroom with gold filigreed red wallpaper and gold drapes. I have read almost
2500 stories on this newsgroup, and this is the first time anyone has had sex
in an elegant bedroom with gold filigreed red wallpaper and gold drapes. What
amazed me is that my spellcheck didn't even balk at that sentence.
Mike thinks his hostess is much too young and far too pretty to fuck. Well,
not quite.... The hostess, whose name is Deanie, starts giving him the fuck of
his life, but then she stops midway and brings into the room two very young
girls (12 and 13) for his pleasure. Mike objects; his eight-incher dwindles
to normalcy; but Deanie explains that the girls have been trained.
The girls have brought out Mike's irrational, puritanical side - sometimes
referred to as "conscience" or "social responsibility." The little girls are
distraught at Mike's reluctance to have sex with them. They're amazingly sexy
and well-adjusted. Perhaps NASA should be recruiting rocket scientists in a
house in New Orleans. Such places have been the ruin of many a fine boy....
The girls quickly show Mike that young girls are the best girls. They taste
lemony and salty.
You may think that full-penetration sex with a 12-year-old is repulsive. Duh!
The author knows that, of course; the 12-year-old is trained only as a
suckling. It's only the 13-year-old who takes penises in the vagina.
The sex is well presented - if you're not completely repulsed by it. Had I
not decided to review it, I would not have read this story. Having read it,
however, I have to admit that it had a certain fascination for me. It's
perfectly OK with me to punish people who would actually use little girls in
this way in real life. Heck, it's OK with me to castrate them without
anesthesia or run over them with steamrollers or make them slide naked down a
razor-blade banister into a tub of iodine while someone reads Milton's poetry
to them. However, as a piece of fiction, the story presented me with an
interesting combination of fascination and repugnance.
Ratings for "House of Joy"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"There and Not Back Again" by Andrew Roller. This is a really complex story.
The narrator is involved in some sort of time travel or reincarnation based on
a mind meld into a computer. It's too complicated to try to explain here.
The main part of the story focuses on the narrator being in the body of a
16-year-old girl who answers an ad in a swinger's magazine and gets into sex
way over her head. The sex is graphic, but it's really more jaded than
erotic.
True sci fi sex fans might see something here that I missed, but I couldn't
help getting the impression that I was really reading two stories - one about
science fiction and one about teenage bdsm - and that the two stories didn't
really connect as well as the author wanted them to.
When I was a high school student I read some Ray Bradbury stories that I
couldn't understand, and I "knew" that this was because I wasn't smart enough
to understand them. Heck, I told myself, they MUST be good stories, because
they're in the darned anthology and I have to pass a test on them! I felt
somewhat the same way with this story. I suspected that there was something
here that I should have picked up, but I'll be damned if I know what it is....
Ratings for "There and Not Back Again"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Chinese Fortune Nookie" by Saucy Wench (wenchsaucy@aol.com). The Wench is on
a dinner date; but while her date makes small talk and flirts with her, her
own eyes are on the Chinese waitress. Her fortune cookie read, "Now is the
time to try something new." This leads to the nookie mentioned in the title.
Actually, the festivities don't actually begin until a few weeks later, after
the wench and the waitress have showered together at the fitness center.
Their first embrace comes in the sauna. Then the wildly wicked waitress fists
the wet and wanton wench in a toilet stall. Then the wench takes the waitress
back to her condo, shaves her, and eats Chinese <wink>. After playing with
some sextoys, they go dancing without panties.
It's pretty hot stuff!
Ratings for "Chinese Fortune Nookie"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"(p)Your Erotica" by SandMan (sandman@bitsmart.com). When I grade student
papers, I usually try not to look at the students' names. Occasionally (very
rarely, but occasionally), I'll give a C to a paper and then note that it was
written by one of the best students in the class. At that point, I may say to
myself, "Maybe I missed something!" and I'll go back over the story.
Sometimes I'll see the story in a different perspective and change the grade;
sometimes I won't. I suppose I shouldn't do this, because in a sense I am
screwing the weaker students who don't get a second chance; but I think it's
human nature to do this.
Anyway, when I read this story, I thought it was weak. Then I noticed that it
was by an author who had posted several really good stories recently. So I
assumed maybe I was wrong, and I looked more closely. It still didn't move
me.
As the disclaimer says, this story is a long, passionate sex scene. As I re-
examined the story, I found that it was indeed long and passionate and about
sex. All the components were there. I'm convinced that the entire problem in
this story - a very serious problem - is the author's point of view.
What we have here is a second/third person narrative. This you/her
perspective presented me as a reader with some real problems.
Somebody is narrating the story. That person would often be referred to as
"I" in a story like this. I would find that irritating, but tolerable. In
this story, however, "I" never appears, except implicitly as the teller of the
story.
The "you" in this story is a man - a very nice and tender man, I might add.
The "she/her" is a woman - the beneficiary of the things done by "you."
This is going to be difficult to express, but here goes. If you, I, and she
were all real people, this format would work. Even if only two of them were
real, it could work. For example, if I (real Celeste) were telling this story
to my husband (if "you" were my husband), then it would be easy for my husband
to project himself into this imaginary setting. However, once everybody
becomes imaginary, the whole system falls apart.
In other words, when I (real Celeste) read this story, I have to remember that
"you" is not me (a woman) but rather a man who is the one of the two co-
protagonists of this story. This sounds trivial; but in practice, it's not.
I suspect that this transposition of perspective may be a little easier for
heterosexual male readers, but even they will have problems with this story.
As a story written by a woman for her lover or cyberlover, this might be a
masterpiece. The lover ("you") would read this as a nice fantasy about love
with another woman. In fact, if I were a betting person, I would bet that
this story was not written by a male named SandMan, but rather by a female who
wrote it to SandMan. SandMan may have edited it and dressed it up a little;
but had he written it himself, I think he would have noticed the problems with
the perspective.
What it amounts to is that authors have a responsibility to consider their
audiences. A woman writing for a cyberlover, for example, has one audience.
When that audience (the cyberlover) receives the story and says, "Hot damn,
this is good! Let's publish it!", it is necessary to consider that the
audience will be different. It is simply not sensible to expect to get the
same result from a different audience with a story like this.
I hope this information is helpful. This point-of-view problem is not unique
with this story: a large number of authors have the same problem. This story
simply provides a very clear example of how the point-of-view can interfere
with the storyline.
Ratings for "(p)Your Erotica"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Fortunata" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com). The story begins with an
obviously distraught woman getting into her car, muttering incoherently about
what someone has done to her. What the hell is the matter with this woman, I
wondered as I continued to read the story. Then things gradually became
clearer and came to a focus just as she arrived at a parking lot, where she
entered an apartment for a rendezvous with her lover.
I don't want to ruin the story for you. Maybe there's a clue in the final
line of the story: "Milk," she said quietly. "I should probably pick up some
milk for dinner." Then again, maybe not.
Ratings for "Fortunata"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Somewhere on the Circle of Life" by Tooshoes (tooshoes@cris.com). Zatanna is
a witch. If you type her name on a word processor, your spellcheck will
suggest Satan as a replacement. Really. If your spellcheck does not make
this suggestion, you need an upgrade.
Zatanna lives in Salem, where most modern witches live.
Linda Lee is Supergirl. Not the shapeshifter who appears in some stories with
Supergirl in the titles, but the comely lass who came from the same planet as
Clark Kent and who has been seeking her identity ever since while working as
an exotic dancer and superhero. As previous stories by Tooshoes have
revealed, Linda Lee has a major concern with the sluttishness that
occasionally tries to leap to the forefront of her personality. In the first
quarter of this story we get vague details about an incident on a football
field, where Linda shed her clothes and her reputation in front of national
media cameras. Now she has withdrawn from public view and is trying again to
find herself. She is traveling incognito under the name Linda Danvers with
her cat Calvin, looking more like an English teacher than a sex goddess - a
simile that missed its mark completely, as far as I am concerned.
So Zatanna and Linda Lee meet in Salem, where they are joined by a mysterious
vampire. I'll skip some details now and simply say that the climax comes
during a total eclipse of the sun and involves Superman.
Magic is something I have trouble understanding, because the rules keep
changing. Superman I think I understand: his rules evolve more gradually.
Exactly how or why Supergirl can save the world by having a roaring orgasm
during a solar eclipse eludes my grasp - but maybe the notion is supposed to
be a bit obscure. In fact, the whole story is confusing, but in a very nice
way.
Ratings for "Somewhere on the Circle of Life"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Please Watch the Closing Doors" by Taria (tariat@aol.com). While riding
public transportation, the woman studies a Chinese teenager across the aisle
from her. The next thing we know she is getting off the train, giving him
instructions to follow her. He obeys. She has no real plan, but she ad-libs
well. She takes him into the recently-renovated Public Library. She finds an
empty handicapped stall in the restroom. Then she teaches him what it's like
to be with a real woman. It's the adolescent fantasy of the stranger who
comes out of nowhere to fuck a kid into oblivion.
I don't recommend doing this. Parking in handicapped parking areas is bad
enough, but fucking in handicapped stalls may be going a bit too far.
This is an extremely good story. The author apparently composed it while she
was bored during a ride on the train earlier this week. I can't wait till she
goes to church this weekend. I hope it's a boring sermon.
Ratings for "Please Watch the Closing Doors"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"ekiN" by Morgan Preece (morganpreece@anon.nymserver.com). Since you may be
wondering, I'll tell you that "ekiN" is "Nike" spelled backwards. As in "Just
DO It" - the athletic clothing company. It's spelled backwards because the
narrator first reads it in a mirror. I nodded sagely when the author
explained this. I had already figured that part out.
This story is very much like the previous one. It's sort of inspiring to know
that thousands of a.s.s. readers are riding public transportation, developing
plots for short stories about the people they see on public transportation. I
imagine if you are the Chief Executive of a major industrialized nation you
should refrain from such fantasies, or at least keep them very private until
the end of your term in office.
In this story the mysterious male at whom the narrator has stared emerges from
oblivion and speaks to her. The actual sex content is low - all he does is
tell her she's beautiful; but the innuendo level is very high.
This is a very short but very good story.
Ratings for "ekiN"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Departure" by Marsupalami (ladyzak@celticfire.com). This story is loosely
based on Nordic mythology. The hero is sort of a non-Greek Hercules, I
suppose. What we have here is the hero's last fuck with his woman before he
goes forth on the sacred quest which will give meaning to his life.
The sex is just a bit slow, but Nordic legends are that way. If you don't
believe me, take a look a Beowulf someday. Those people could neither drink
wine nor slay a dragon without lengthy speeches.
I have seen other stories posted with similar titles, and I assume they are
other chapters in Sigurd's adventures.
Ratings for "Departure"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Drusilla Goes To College" by Unknown Author. Guest review by Tooshoes.
The proud, responsible Diana (Wonder Woman) has an impetuous younger sister
named Drusilla (Wonder Girl). Ever since the two super-heroines left Paradise
Island, Diana has been looking out for her younger sister. You know, keeping
Drusilla from making decisions and having any fun -- especially the kind that
involves sex. So Drusilla is good and curious when she escapes from under
Diana's wing and enrolls in college.
This story started out very well, and I was looking forward to her adventures
in the collegiate world. But I was disappointed with the direction the story
took.
The first sexual prospect Drusilla meets is a predatory upperclassman who had
always fantasized about having Wonder Girl chained, gagged and dominated. And
of course, that's exactly what happens in short order, once he has Drusilla
trapped in her own magic lasso. His fantasies of rape, bondage and S&M come
true.
By this point, the story had strayed far from it's original theme about
Drusilla's new life in college, and then it ended without any kind of
resolution or conclusion.
All in all, a mixed bag, but fairly entertaining.
Ratings for "Drusilla Goes To College"
Technical quality: 7
Plot & character: 7
Appeal to reviewer: 7
"Dawn" by HWG (hrdwrkngy@aol.com). Guest review by Dart.
A young man notices a beautiful young woman in a local park during lunch hour.
Later that afternoon, he discovers that the same young lady is moving into the
apartment building across the street from his. They meet that same afternoon
when she asks him if he knows the phone number of the local utility company,
and he looks it up for her. She offers him a drink; he offers to help her
unpack. They get to know each other. However, despite the sexual tension
between them, nothing sexual occurs the day of their first meeting.
The next morning our hero has an unexplained hangover, but, despite that
impediment, lust for his new neighbor motivates him to clean his apartment.
During the course of the day, their paths cross several times, but it isn't
until the evening that they settle down for the good stuff. They begin with
oral attentions, his and hers, and then they dance the horizontal mambo.
This is the first story by a new author, and I wish I could say that I really
liked it; but I can't. It was, I think, hastily composed. Both of the story's
characters are thin. The plot is reasonable, but it manages several twists
that distracted me from the story's flow and left me puzzled.
Ratings for "Dawn"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Dart (appeal to reviewer): 5
"The Bandit" by Metlay (posted by Bookman Archives). Guest review by Piper
In Western civilized cultures, there is a place separate from the so-called
real world; a place where young and old meet, where learning from books and
learning of life mix, where ideas and ideals are sometimes more important than
the people who hold them. We call these places universities.
The Bandit is a student in a place called Arcadia. This story covers the last
year and a half or so of his academic life. We don't learn much about his
studying or courses, though of course such things must take place (there's
only a few minor mentions of these matters). Instead, we read about him, his
friends and acquaintances, their shifting relationships, and the slow
unveiling of their inner personalities.
The Bandit is an intelligent young man with a libido that won't quit (like
many young men), but with a problem -- an inner voice that tells him about
right and wrong, and why he shouldn't do certain things that seem like good
ideas at the time. Think of Hawkeye from TV's _Mash_, with less joking, but
with a fair flair for music, especially bass guitar. Women and sex do not
occupy his every waking moment. He's got a real life.
Some of the other folks involved are: Zero, the skinny, easygoing guy with the
oversized shlong, who makes the girls crazy with lust; Mary Magdalene, the
slightly oversized sexpot with a killer kiss and an absolutely over-the-top
thing for The Rainbow Wizard, a cancer survivor who turned a mystic bent, all
to hide his mind games and manipulations; Diva, another somewhat oversexed
lady looking for a not-totally-meaningful relationship; Twink, who is honest,
forthright, wears her heart on her sleeve, but is so painfully naive it hurts,
and who eventually learns to share her boyfriend with one girl, her fiance
with another girl, and herself with yet another girl (all at the same time!);
Conan, the musclebound nice guy who hasn't got a clue as to what he's really
all about.
And there's still Starch, Lanky, Flower, Livewire ...
While I read the story, I slowly came to the realization that all of the
protagonists were distilled essences of character types. What made them live
for me were the real situations and their believable reactions. I could see
people I know doing the same things, but maybe not for the same reasons. Like
an onion (a very over-used metaphor, I know), there is layer upon layer of
misdirection and misunderstanding.
Look below the surface in this story. It won't grip you by the gonads, despite
the fair sprinkling of sex, but it will, eventually, take over your mind,
infesting you with thoughts about the characters themselves. Whoever the
author is, he (or she) wrote a very intelligent, imaginative slice of life.
(My personal favorite character is Twink, but I don't think she'd settle for
me. I'm probably a bit too much of the one-man-one-woman kind of guy for her.)
This is another long (275k) story.
Ratings for "The Bandit"
Technical merit 10
Plot and character 10
Appeal to reviewer 10
"Owned Teacher, Chapters 1 - 23" by Thumb (thumb@nauticom.net). Guest review
by Kim.
This will teach me to shoot my big mouth off. I mentioned I'd read these
stories and found them arousing, so Celeste said "Well, review them then". I
just know I'll regret this <sigh>. This is a long review, easily the longest
one I've written. As they say, it's a long story...
First a warning. If you are the type who likes nothing but sweet, romantic
heterosexual love between consenting adults, then this story is most assuredly
*NOT* for you! It's about the semi-nonconsensual control of a thirty five year
old English teacher, Mary, by one of her eighteen year old female students;
the astonishingly sadistic Lisa.
Lisa confronts Mary with an old copy of Hustler magazine in which one of the
women displaying her charms for the camera is a much younger Mary. Now married
with a thirteen year old daughter Mary submits to the blackmailing Lisa, for
fear of exposure. Lisa doesn't want any money from Mary. Oh no, she wants to
satisfy her own sadistic desires by sexually humiliating Mary as much as is
humanly possible. And at over 23 chapters and till counting, boy does she
relentlessly humiliate Mary.
She bans Mary from wearing any underwear, she shaves her pussy, she subjects
her to protracted bouts of painful and humiliating bondage, she forces her to
have sex with strangers, treats her like a pet and makes her beg for her own
punishments and humiliations, and on and on it goes. Pretty much you name it,
and Mary eventually gets forced to do it.
So, what is a reader, or even reviewer, to make of such a work? Well, on a
purely technical level the writing is sparse, direct and pretty well done. In
the earlier chapters, especially, there's a slight tendency for the tense to
wander, and a strange habit of writing all numbers both as numbers and
letters. But generally, the writing doesn't get in the way of the story
telling. The characters are well defined, though somewhat motiveless. It could
be argued that Mary doesn't need any sort of explanation for her apparent
submissiveness. She allows herself to be used like this because it gets her
horny as hell. She *wants* this to happen to her. Lisa, on the other hand is
more mysterious. She does come from a disgracefully dysfunctional family, that
we get to meet rather unpleasantly in one or two of the chapters, but she just
keeps on being horrible without ever seeming to enjoy it all that much.
I'm probably reading far too much into all this, and Thumb just wrote it
because it presses buttons for him <shrug>. Going back to reread this work I
can see that sitting down and trying to read it all together actually plays
against it. It becomes too repetitious, if not in detail, then certainly in
intent. I think Thumb has been clever, or lucky, in releasing the work over
such a long period of time so as to not dull the senses. Little bursts of
mayhem once a week or so keeps it fresh.
As a plot, well, we're talking so far the other side of unlikely that we might
as well be discussing Alice in Wonderland. A pretty grotesque wonderland I'll
grant you, but absolute fantasy never the less. Mary would have thrown Lisa
out the door in the first chapter in real life, but hell, that would have been
a pretty short story.
Now we come to the embarrassing bit. What do I think of it? My intellectual
side is screaming at me to say it's horrible, nasty, misogynistic trash of the
worst kind. Unfortunately this one series of stories has been responsible for
at least six orgasms (I forget how many exactly, as it's been going for so
long) as a direct result of reading the damn things and just having to
masturbate afterwards. I don't care what anyone says, I find it deeply
embarrassing that I should be so turned on by such a story. However, it would
be dishonest and unfair of me to say otherwise.
There are elements that I find really offensive, such as the continued threat
of involving Mary's thirteen year old daughter in the saga. Should that happen
then I will stop reading I'm afraid. Everyone's got their limits after all.
But on the whole it all works very well, providing you like FF humiliation
stories, of course.
Ratings for "Owned Teacher"
Athena (technical quality): 8 (Typos and wandering tenses don't help)
Venus (plot & character): 8 (Unbelievable... in the cold light of day)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 9 (Lost one for the more extreme moments;
sorry Thumb)
"The Naughty Good Girl" by Cliff X. Gdansk (reverendix@juno.com). Guest review
by David Rills.
There is nothing new about the sex in this story but it is an enjoyable read.
It's told from the perspective of a "good girl" finishing her shower and
heading out to pick up a man. There are no twists in the plot but the author
does a good job of describing the scene and then building to "climax". If the
story were longer I wouldn't recommend it but it's a good coffee break.
Ratings for "The Naughty Good Girl"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
David (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "I Promise" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). This is a very difficult
story for me to write a review about. Especially in the case of a really good
story, I like to summarize the plot without ruining its potential interest and
also to discuss important ideas or techniques that may arise. The problem
with this story is that it depends very heavily and successfully on releasing
ideas a few at a time; and so I can't tell you much about story without
releasing those ideas and ruining the story for you. {Incidentally, this
story is a good example of when NOT to use the alphabet soup abbreviations.
They would ruin the story by eliminating all surprise from the plot.}
I guess I can tell you that Chris and Di are an interracial (black and white)
couple planning to get married shortly after Di graduates from high. Not many
people are exactly enthusiastic about the relationship; but Chris's family
seems resigned to the idea that they will at least live together. The two are
deeply devoted to each other, engage in a lot of kissy-kissy, and look forward
to having a family - although they are not sure their community will accept
them. My summary makes the story sound blah; but the details make it much
more interesting as the plot unfolds.
I gave the story a 9 for "plot and character." That's because the story
frequently confused me, and I had to dock the author somewhere for this
confusion. The problem is that almost all of the story consists of dialogue,
and I often had trouble figuring out who was talking and who was listening.
Sometimes even when I went back and checked from the beginning of a section I
couldn't figure out whether an emotion being expressed belonged to Chris or to
Di. Some of this confusion, I discovered later, was deliberate - that is,
things weren't what they seemed to be, and the author probably wanted me to
feel that ambivalence. The author wanted to keep me confused so that he could
spring surprises on me; but some of the confusion was inappropriate. The
author tried to help by putting clues into the dialogue (e.g., if the speaker
says "honeychile", that must be Chris); but some of these clues worked for me
only in retrospect. However, it's easier to point out this problem than to
solve it. I have to give the author credit for at least trying an interesting
approach. And it IS a very good story.
Ratings for "I Promise"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Appleseed" by Wollstonecraft. Joey is a rich guy who is a generally nasty
bastard and whose attitude toward girls is not only to "lay 'em and leave 'em"
but also to get 'em pregnant in the process. This story describes how he
routinely exploits teenage girls for this purpose. The author's style is
vivid, and he uses verb tenses in such a way as to convince us that while he
is vividly describing a specific situation he is really describing Joey's
typical behavior.
Actually, he's not really Joey; the guy makes up new names and new cover
stories to suit his particular seductive needs. He finds it especially easy
and enjoyable to pick up religious girls at church activities; they're
invariably extremely gullible. The only constant is that he is an asshole who
wants to get young girls pregnant. He's even scientific about his process -
in one case seducing a pair of identical twins and conducting a seductive
experiment with them in a way that a Nazi genetic engineer might admire.
Nonconsensual seduction and rape are not funny in the real world. But this
story is very well told and extremely enjoyable. I can't tell you more
details, because a major part of the enjoyment is watching the story unfold.
I strongly recommend this story.
Ratings for "Appleseed"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Red Hot" by Sue (suenh@kear.tdsnet.com). This story has a build-up that is
itself longer than most of the sex stories on this newsgroup. By the time the
real sex got started, I felt that I actually knew the participants.
Sue serves as an art consultant to an elementary school. She meets with the
teachers and principal; and after school she finds it necessary to accompany
John (the principal) and two of the teachers (Polly and Michael) to the
married couple's house. The chemistry starts to warm up when Michael shows
Sue how to improve her technique at cutting zucchini - a vegetable I have
never before seen mentioned on this newsgroup. The others eventually discover
that this person with them is THE SueNH from the most popular Newsgroup on
Internet. John has practically died and gone to heaven, because not only does
he lurk on alt.sex.stories (which draws him to Sue), but he also is constantly
on the alert for stories and pictures of red-heads (a disability which
attracts him to Polly). Fortunately, John is not also attracted to burly,
male, Eastern European art teachers; and so the prospects for grouping and
groping look good.
When someone suggests that Sue could write a story about their gathering, she
disingenuously suggests that she needs more hints, and then the orgy ensues.
It turns out that red-haired Polly does not object in principle to making it
with her principal when she lets her down, and Michael is especially
interested in Sue now that he has learned that she is one of the three hottest
women on alt.sex.stories. It is only fitting that I end this pun-filled
paragraph with Sue's own award-winning statement about Polly as she went to
work on John: "Normally he was the principal. Tonight she was the
headmistress." And I was so damned pleased with my own humble pun about the
orgy ensuing!
An interesting element of the story is that Sue several times mentions her own
personal distaste for anal sex. She likes to be rimmed, but objects up the
ass tend to strike her as painful. {You know, it's really hard to write this
paragraph without sounding like I'm making puns! But I'm trying to be serious
here.} The effect is really interesting. Sue is actually able to make the
story more erotic by mentioning the kind of sex she is NOT having.
Ratings for "Red Hot"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
NEW FEATURE: <<<LETTERS TO CELESTE>>>
Dear Celeste:
Thanks for taking the time to post your story reviews - I enjoy them a lot.
Since you review so many stories, I was wondering if you could help me
identify a story that was posted several months ago. It was written from a
woman's point of view, and described a woman masturbating alone in her room
while listening to her roommate and boyfriend having sex in the next room. It
was very well written and very erotic, but unfortunately I lost it from my
hard drive and I can't seem to find it in any archive. Any help you can
provide would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again. - The Snake Charmer.
Dear Snake Charmer:
Tough question.
Maybe it's Tom Bombadil's "An Unintentional Voyeur," which was posted back in
June 1997. Another near miss posted around the same time was "Listening to
the Neighbors" by Renae Nicks. It's definitely not the story you're looking
for, but it may be even better. "A Fly on the Wall" by P. D. Michael is about
somebody masturbating in front of a blind woman; so that's not it, even though
the review in CR 199 had a great joke related to that story. The guy in Mark
Bastable's "Auditor" listens to the Sarah and Lianne, the "S&M dykes" in the
adjacent apartment; so that can't be it either.
I don't think any of the above is the story you want. Maybe I didn't review
it. If you find the correct title, let me know. Maybe one of my readers will
recognize the plot and send us the answer. Meanwhile, consider reading a few
of the wrong stories I described in the preceding paragraph, and enjoy your
dance with the one-eyed sailor.
- Celeste
{If you have a question for me, please e-mail me at Celeste801@aol.com. I
reserve the right to mutilate your letter in any way in order to enhance its
instructional or entertainment value.}
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