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Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 246 - Jan 3
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Celestial Reviews 246 - January 3, 1998
Note: I'd like to take this occasion to wish everyone a Happy New Year. I
took a week off to celebrate the holidays, and now I am back with renewed
vigor.
Second note: Among your New Year's resolutions I hope you resolved to apply
the Blowjob Principle more often this year. This refers to the axiom that if
a person receives and enjoys a blowjob and hopes sometime to get another, he
should do something to make the giver glad to have given the first blowjob.
Applied to this newsgroup, the Blowjob Principle means that if you like a
story, you should communicate your pleasure to the author. A short email
message will do nicely.
Third note: In my own application of the Blowjob Principle, I'd like to repeat
my thanks to people who have helped me in the past year. The only danger in
doing this is that I'll miss someone. I'd like to express special gratitude
to all my guest reviewers. They have written reviews of over 300 stories in
just a few months. I'd also like to express public thanks to Eli the Bearded.
Not only does he run a.s.s.m. and write an occasional story himself, but he
also posts all my reviews in a manner that is much more convenient to both me
and you than would be possible through AOL alone. Alt.sex.stories.moderated
has become a very good place to post and find stories, and the archive is also
working effectively. I'd also like to thank Ole Joe, whose compendium of
information about a.s.s. and its authors is truly magnificent. In addition,
I'd like to express appreciation to all the people who make stories available
- either in the spam-filled environment of a.s.s. or on their personal web
sites. Finally, I'd like to thank the many people who have communicated with
me privately about various issues. I cannot always respond individually, but
I truly value your input and feedback.
As I said, the danger in doing this is that I'll forget somebody. So I'll
take this opportunity to apologize to the people I forgot to mention.
Fourth note: The winner of the Celestial Christmas Story Contest will be
announced in the next issue. I thought I would be able to announce it today,
but I have received too many last-minute entries. The following is a list of
Christmas Contest stories that I have NOT yet reviewed:
"Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon
"Twelve Nights of Xmas" by Captain Atom
"Holly and Ivy" by Captain Atom
"Elf Maiden's Christmas" by PJ
"All I Want for Xmas" by No One
"A Christmas Triple" by Kim
"Charlie B's Christmas" by Sacvan
"Snow Angels" by Saucy Wench
"A Child's Christmas" by Mat Twassel
It's not exactly obvious to me that all of the above were actually intended to
be entries in the contest, but I need to review them during this season
anyway.
The following is an alphabetical list of ALL the entries. Reviews of these
stories can be found in past issues of Celestial Reviews. Several of the best
made my December Top 20 list.
"Another Christmas Carol" by James Martin
"Carole" by Kim
"Christmas Carole" by MrSpraycan
"Christmas Dinner" by Tom Bombadil
"The Curiosity Shop" by Sven the Elder
"Destiny Manifested" by Losgud
"Fantasies" by BitSlinger
"A Letter to my Babe" by Dexy
"My Xmas Threesome" by Patty Nickel
"The Night Before Christmas" by M1KE HUNT
"Room with a View" by Mark Aster
"Seduction" by A Magician
"Snow Flake" by DG
"Snowbound" by Ann Douglas
"Tongue and Cheek" by Hawk "Santa" Richards
"A Very Rejected Christmas" by OddManOut Anywhere
"Winter Solstice" by Raven M.
If you submitted a story and it is not on one of the preceding lists, please
contact me, so that we can figure out what happened to it.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"The Professor" by Ann Douglas (ff sex with prof) 9, 8, 8
"Snapshot 1 - 401" by Crimson Dragon (exhibitionism) 10, 8, 8
"The Hotel Dinner" by Slowhand Luke (threesome) 10, 9, 9
"The Ballet Student" by Randi Pattersen (seduction of student)
10, 8, 8
"An Arbitrary Victim" by Prospero (rape) 9.5, 8, 8
"Flowers" by Vickie Tern (transgender) 10, 10, 10
"2Am" by Nevyn (bestiality & kinky sex) 9, 10, 9
"Tender Loving Care" by Ann Douglas (mf sex with nurse)
9, 10, 10
"Chocolate Candy" by Ann Douglas (mm sex with nurse)
9, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"Diane" by Legal Lert (seduction in England) 8.8, 10, 10
"Donna's Three Sons" by Eros (adult incest) 10, 9, 9.5
"Friendship" by Hawk Richards (sexy fun) 9, 9, 10
"Wendy's Adventures" by Pettifog J Jimmyboy (fairy tale satire)
8.5, 8, 5
"Noises in the Night" by Baddogxxx (infidelity) 6, 8, 5
"Curse of Denial" by H.D. Meister (revenge) 7, 7, 5
"Arthur J. Puddock -- Love Guru by Endemoniada (penile-
enlargement farce) 8, 8, 9
"The Professor" by Ann Douglas (AnnD@Pipeline.Com). Because of her recent,
traumatic breakup with her boyfriend, Jill has been having trouble with her
college history class. She goes to the teacher for advice and pours out her
soul to her. Then the teacher proclaims that "the only way to forget the pain
of losing a lover is to find another" and offers to help her ease her pain.
Then they make passionate love. This is the beginning of a long and happy
relationship.
There's a lot missing from this story, but what is here is pretty good.
Ratings for "The Professor"
Athena (Technical Merit): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Snapshot 1 - 401" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com). This story reminds
me of my 500-word story contest. Within a very short space the author gives
us a "snapshot" of something interesting. It's not a complete story - just
something interesting: in this case a woman standing naked on her balcony high
above the highway, watching the traffic go by below.
Ratings for "Snapshot 1 - 401"
Athena (Technical Merit): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"The Hotel Dinner" by Slowhand Luke. I have read the first three paragraphs
of this story - plus the first word of the fourth. Now I am going to try my
old game of writing the summary of the story before I read much of it. The
woman and her friend were supposed to double date with two exceptionally
handsome men. Sarah is a bit miffed because her friend Kate has stood them
up. But Kate is actually doing Sarah a favor, because the two guys will
orchestrate a wonderful threesome with Sarah. Now I'll read the rest of the
story and tell you how I did.
Let me say that I was right on target. However, knowing the ending did not
reduce my enjoyment of the details. I think you'll enjoy this story.
Ratings for "The Hotel Dinner"
Athena (Technical Merit): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Ballet Student" by Randi Pattersen (yeahright@whatever.com). The
narrator (who is in her middle thirties) has always preferred sex with women;
she has no problem with having relationships with her students; and she does
not share the "silly American idea" that sex with a minor must necessarily be
a crime. So what do you suppose is going to happen when a beautiful teenage
girl applies for ballet lessons at the school of this teacher?
If you answered the preceding question, you probably have guessed the basic
plot of the story. However, the details are quite interesting. You will be
more likely to enjoy this story more if you are free of the "silly American
idea" that a teacher seducing a 14-year-old student is morally objectionable.
One thing that seriously perplexed me about this story was the point of view.
The NARRATOR is Ms Duvall. The AUTHOR is Randi Pattersen. The STUDENT is
Randi Pattersen. This means that when the author speaks through the narrator
we have to remember that she is really the student. Do you see how this could
be confusing? I suppose the best solution would be to reverse the names of
the characters. If you read the story in its present format, I suppose you
should just pretend that the author is Sally Smith.
Ratings for "The Ballet Student"
Athena (Technical Merit): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"An Arbitrary Victim" by Prospero (tcan@NOSPAM.itis.com)
This is labeled "complete," but that doesn't seem to be the case. What's here
is an interesting, well-written description of what appears to be an
adolescent fantasy regarding how a boy or man could make a woman submissive to
himself against her will.
I really doubt that this sort of thing would work. However, from a female
perspective, it is interesting (or frightening) to speculate about what it
would be like to be trapped under these circumstances.
Ratings for "An Arbitrary Victim"
Athena (Technical Merit): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Flowers" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This author invariably writes
clever stories about persons who are noncoercively or deservedly forced into
transgender situations. The plots generally sound just plain silly when I
describe them, but the author writes them in such a way that they actually
make sense.
In this case a man who enjoys wearing women's clothes goes to a barbecue with
his wife at the home of his neighbors. The male neighbor is a macho man, and
his wife is one of those super-tolerant wives who can swing both ways. As the
plot unfolds, we discover that our crossdressing protagonist is going to
become the boytoy of the guy next door and the soulmate of his wife and the
lady next door. I told you it sounded silly. But remember: I also told you
the author tells it in a way that makes it just plain interesting.
Ratings for "Flowers"
Athena (Technical Merit): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"2Am" by Nevyn (nevyn@nacjack.gen.nz). The gang has gathered for an
afternoon and evening of sex at the spa. When they play strip porker - er,
poker - it's with a deck of cards that feature bestiality. If you're into
that sort of thing, the very description of the deck of cards will probably
appeal to you.
The story is built around the orgy at the poker game. People who lose must
pay forfeits, and these forfeits invariably involve some sort of kinky sex.
If you enjoy the thought of a dog licking whipped cream off a guy's balls or
of a woman licking it off the dog's, then this story may have special appeal
to you. A lot of readers will be put off by the homosexual/bisexual activity,
bondage, and sex with man's best friend; but others will find this to be a
novel setting for a wild orgy.
Ratings for "2AM"
Athena (Technical Merit): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Tender Loving Care" by Ann Douglas (AnnD@Pipeline.Com). My friends who are
nurses assure me that nurses rarely copulate with unfamiliar patients in the
hospital beds. With doctors and orderlies maybe, but not with patients. It
would be unprofessional, and there would be serious risks involved.
Nevertheless, the myth and the fantasy are so prevalent that they have become
a basic part of the adolescent, underground medical culture in the Western
world. And who knows? Maybe my friends are the only two nurses who don't do
it - or maybe they do and want to keep me in the dark, possibly for a lesbian
menage a trois if they can ever get me into and out of a hospital gown.
Anyway, nurse Michelle comes upon <g> a male patient who has erection from the
dream he was having when she entered his room to check on him. To make up for
the interruption, she does nice things for him. It's nice retelling of one of
the oldest fantasies.
Ratings for "Tender Loving Care"
Athena (Technical Merit): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Chocolate Candy" by Ann Douglas (AnnD@Pipeline.Com).
I get annoyed when authors steal plots from other authors and turn them into
"new" stories simply by changing the gender of the protagonists. In this case,
however, the author has stolen her own plot (from the preceding story) and has
inserted a male nurse in the place of the female nurse. It's an interesting
variation of the story.
Ratings for "Chocolate Candy"
Athena (Technical Merit): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Diane" by Legal Lert (legallert@aol.com). Guest review by Sven the Elder.
A follow up to "Anglophile?? Me?" by the same author, this is also a story
based in the UK; but the writer has a serious problem right away in the first
paragraph. I guess it probably won't bother any other than the 'Brits' in the
audience, but nevertheless it jarred and took me a little while to get over.
Guy Fawkes night is alluded to as being just after Christmas - this engenders
a "C- could do a lot better with the research." It rang warning bells with
Celeste; and as I wrote back to her, there is a children's rhyme in this
country (sit up and pay attention in the back of the room!) which helps:
"Please to remember the 5th of November, Gunpowder, treason and plot. We know
no reason, why Gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot." This is a traditional
rhyme dating from the event in the 17th Century. Basically the daft bugger
tried to blow up the English Parliament with barrels of gunpowder, but was
betrayed, caught, and hanged. He was caught on 5th November 1605, and that is
the night we commemorate with bonfires and fireworks. Just to confuse the
issue, others commemorate All Hallows Eve, or 'Halloween', at the end of
October. In fact for about three weeks it sounds rather like what I imagined
downtown Beirut must have been like, with continuous fireworks explosions and
other pyrotechnics going off most evenings. Just try explaining the noise to
my Labrador Gun dog!! She keeps trying to go and find things to bring
back.....
So there!
Now back to the story. Our American Serviceman is again on leave, and has
again decided to come to London from France. This time on his own, he stays
in the same area as last time but manages to find a local girlfriend to
seduce, or perhaps it's the other way 'round. Something which he/she does
quite successfully. Again the story is well written and, with the exception
of the aforementioned blooper, reasonably accurately written (BTW the section
between two halves of a theatre evening is the 'Interval', not the 'Interim').
Perhaps sharing things with a proofreader might have removed several other
minor mistakes, but they do not seriously detract from another good story. The
plot is perhaps better even than Anglophile. The stories are separate and
stand-alone. But if they are read in sequence, some of the storyteller's
remarks will fall into place more neatly. Again the sexy side of the tale is
well written and hot.
This is another story that you should read.
Ratings for "Diane"
Technical quality: 8.8
Plot & character: 10
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Donna's Three Sons" by Eros (Reposted by T4425@aol.com). Guest review by
Piper.
Donna is married to Carl. They've been married for just over 20 years. Three
months ago, Carl left Donna to go with a hot babe. He's going to divorce
Donna and marry that beautiful young thang. You know the old story, the grass
is greener, unplowed fields, a change is as good as a rest... Happens all the
time. That's the problem with letting your husband hire an "18 year old
blonde bimbo secretary".
Donna's other problem is money. She has an inheritance, separate from
anything Carl can touch, which will keep her and the kids clothed and fed, but
she wants the house as well as enough cash to send all three kids to college.
She has to "keep her nose clean", as it were, in order to clean out Carl. (As
in quite a few of these stories, it doesn't matter if the husband is running
around with the entire cheerleading squad of the local high school. If the
wife is caught even kissing another guy, she gets shafted.)
So, Donna has now been without for three long months, after getting very
exciting, very satisfying, and, most importantly, very regular sex from Carl
for many years. She's very horny. So horny, in fact, that even the gardener,
a 50+ year old guy who doesn't speak English, who she's never even looked
twice at before, gets her very hot and very juicy. What's a woman to do?
One Tuesday afternoon she comes home when her sons aren't expecting her, and,
without being seen, she watches them have a circle jerk outside in the pool.
They're all of legal age (18, 19, and 20), and all sport real "man-sized"
cocks. Now she's really horny!! Again, what's a woman to do?
No, she doesn't strip, walk out by the pool, and jump the bones of all three
young lads in a massive orgy. Instead, she goes to her room and masturbates,
like any self-respecting mother would do. That evening, Matt, the oldest son,
starts the seduction of his sex-starved mother. (Why he picks that specific
day is never explained). It's an agonizing problem for her. Listen to her
conscience and not let them have their way with her, or give in to her hungry
and demanding cunt. Guess which wins out.
Mark's machinations take until the next morning, out in the garden, to
overcome, rather forcefully, all of his mother's objections and to finally
complete the act he's been aching to perform (soon followed by the middle son,
soon followed by the youngest son). After all, Donna does have some morals to
overcome. Her older two sons don't, but she does.
Like most of Eros' stories, this one is very well written and technically
sound. However, also like most of Eros' stories, the characters are somewhat
superficial. Less so than in many other a.s.s. stories, but still not quite
fully dimensional human beings. No matter. Eros doesn't write about deep
emotion, or about psychology, or about warm, fuzzy, monogamous relationships.
Infidelity, incest, paedophilia, and orgies are his bag, with lots and lots of
hot, wet, steamy sex. This story is one of his best.
Oh, I forgot to mention one detail. Carl's new bimbo apparently thinks Carl
is too old for her and runs off with some young stud from a bowling alley, so
Carl decides to "let" Donna take him back. I'm not going to tell you what
happens when he arrives home.
This is another long (200k) story.
Ratings for "Donna's Three Sons"
Technical merit 10
Plot and character 9
Appeal to reviewer 9.5
"Friendship" by Hawk Richards (hawkrds@aol.com). Guest review by Bronwen.
Our hero wonders about differing definitions of "just good friends" as his
lady chum grabs him firmly by the dick.... A short, hot story. It's fun too -
not a funny story, but it has humor and a deft touch... <giggle>
The only caveat I have is that I couldn't follow the moves the couple made.
Some act would be described and I'd think "Oh, I hadn't realized they were
lying down." I like a story so clearly visualized I can imagine the movements
that lead from one description to the next.
But, that's just a pickiness brought on partly by my own likes and partly by
the excellent reputation of this author (which I'm afraid makes this reviewer
more demanding - unfair, eh?). So I mark it down one for the fuzziness of the
action.
Otherwise, lightweight, sexy fun. A very good piece. But not one of his very
best.
Ratings for "Friendship"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Bronwen (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Wendy's Adventures" by Pettifog J Jimmyboy. Guest Review by BillyG.
"Wendy's Adventures" is a take-off on "Peter Pan" and "Ransom of Red Chief"
that, for a fuller appreciation, requires a concomitant familiarity with the
original Peter Pan story and the genre of hip parody. Like similar lampoons
of television characters, it's dependent on a knowledge of those personalities
to "get it."
Taken by itself, "Wendy's Adventures" fails to stand as a sex story; and even
if the background of Peter Pan is added to enhance the color, it still fails.
Wendy, who is hopelessly naive and without a sexual clue, is buffeted about,
always two steps behind the fantasy, apparently wanting nothing more than
propriety. The vagaries of the plot have her captured by Captain Hook who, at
some moment of near-sexual surrender by Wendy, is confronted and confounded by
the inexplicable anatomic loss of her "privates." Hook, in understandable
disinterest, returns her to Peter who rows her ashore, at which time Wendy's
lust reaches new heights: "She felt again the little stirrings in her belly
but this time it was more familiar. 'Please, Peter.. When we reach shore, I
must relieve myself.'" The loss of her genitals in mind, it is left to the
reader to deal with this conundrum.
In fairness, I suspect there's much more going on in this story than I
appreciated, but the plain fact remains that while it has merit as a satire,
it fails as a sexy tale by my lights.
Ratings for "Wendy's Adventure"
Athena (technical quality): 8.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Noises in the Night" by Baddogxxx (baddogxxx@aol.com). Guest review by
Bookman.
I found this a surprisingly difficult story to review. First, the plot. A
young wife is spending a couple days at her sister's apartment in another
city. The sister is newly married, and she and her husband have loud, wall-
banging sex every night. The visitor finds herself unendurably turned on, and
decides to play with her new brother-in-law with some sexual teasing. One
thing leads to another, and they end up having torrid, wall-banging sex
themselves.
All in all, the story is better written than most. The characters aren't
*completely* cardboard characters being moved around solely to bump uglies.
And the sex is well-written and hot. It's just that I ended up not liking the
main characters.
I felt sorry for the newlywed sister. She was hospitable, open, and honest,
and we see she's married to a shallow, self-absorbed, amoral louse willing to
cheat on her at the first opportunity. And she's got an equally amoral sister
who'll actively seduce her husband just because she's feeling a little horny.
There are also two major writing/construction problems. First are a number of
spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors that pry their way between the
reader and the story. Secondly, the story is told in first-person POV,
*except* for one section told third-person, giving information the narrator
couldn't possibly know.
I wanted to like this story. Eventually, and after multiple re-readings, I
don't.
Athena (technical): 6
Minerva (general appeal): 8
Apollo (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Curse of Denial" by H.D. Meister. Guest review by Wherryman.
The curse of the title is inflicted upon those who pass the site of a vicious,
fatal, attack on a man; "No one that goes through Death Pass will know
orgasmic pleasure... until he says so". What follows is a tale of haunting and
possession, leading ultimately to a violent revenge. There isn't a lot of sex
but we at a.s.s.m are a broadminded lot and don't necessarily hold that
against a story. Unfortunately that isn't the only downside.
Although it's clear that the author is capable they let themselves down in the
presentation. Not just technically, though it was not at all polished in that
area, but in the logic (there are six attackers but only three are brought to
book) and the unfolding of the plot. I felt at the end as though I'd had to
make too many guesses, about motive _and_ method; I'd become annoyed instead
of intrigued.
There's probably a good story in there somewhere but it hasn't been brought
out yet.
Rating for "Curse of Denial"
Technical merit 7
Plot & character 7
Appeal to reviewer 5
"Arthur J. Puddock -- Love Guru" by Endemoniada (endemoniada@cryogen.com).
Guest review by Fiddler.
When Arthur Puddock's platic amorata collapses from a leak, he decides to
equip himself with a phallus large enough to satisfy a living woman. Dr.
Goebbels, plastic surgeon, accommodates his needs. After recovering from
surgery in record time, Arthur visits a disco where he picks up the newest sex
symbol by telling her his new penile size.
Arthur has the goods that he advertises; what could go wrong? Read the story
to find out.
This is a fun story, which doesn't try to be more than it is.
Ratings for "Arthur J. Puddock -- Love Guru"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Fiddler (appeal to this reviewer): 9
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