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Four Seasons: June Revelations [ FF ]
By Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

Kate's father cursed lightly as the wrench slipped. Kate looked up from her
reading and settled her deep brown eyes on him.

"Can I help, Daddy?"
"Not really work that you can do, honey. Thanks for the offer though."

Kate bent her head back to her book. The humidity was high today making the
pages stick together. She didn't mind, she was barely paying attention to the
words anyway. The sun beat down on the dusty yard. Her father was tinkering with
the tractor, tuning it up or something. She had wandered out to keep him
company, and distract herself. She was wearing a light yellow sundress and was
perched on an old stump left from when the land was cleared. Her long brunette
hair curled around her shoulders in the slight wind. She'd reread the same
sentence twelve times, her thoughts elsewhere. A tear escaped and trickled down
her pale cheek.

She looked up from her book to find her father standing in front of her. She
hadn't noticed as he'd finished up with the mechanical work. He crouched in
front of her and lay his hard hands on her knees. They were clean despite the
work he was doing. Probably degreased himself before coming over to her. He was
thoughtful that way.

"Katie, sweetheart?"

"Mmmmm?" she cocked her head and looked at him quizzically. She absently wiped
at the tear running down her cheek, hoping that he wouldn't notice. But she knew
that he'd notice and she knew what was coming. She hoped that she could avoid
the discussion once again.

"Katie, you know I love you and I'll butt out. I know it's none of my business."

"You're right, Daddy, it isn't."
"You were such good friends."
"I know. We. Just grew apart."

"Something happened. You won't even take her calls anymore. She's trying you
know. Whatever she did."

"You couldn't understand what she did."

"Whatever it is, she's trying at least. She calls here every day. And it breaks
my heart to have to keep telling her that you don't want to talk to her. You
used to listen at least, even if you didn't say anything into that phone. Now,
you won't even listen to her voice."

"I'm sorry, Daddy."
"Will you talk to her next time she calls?"
Kate bit her lip and slowly shook her head.

"Darling, you have your mother in you. She was stubborn as an old goat, too.
Think about it. You can't solve nothing without talking about it. You're smart,
you know that. Linda's worth more than that. You know that, too."

"I know, Daddy."

He patted her knee and stood. "I just don't like seeing you this way, pumpkin. I
really wish I could help."

"You are. You're there." Kate smiled as best she could for her father.

He tried to smile back reassuringly. He really didn't want to impose, but she
was so darned unhappy these days. He knew it was Linda, but he didn't quite
understand why. They'd been inseparable. He'd even spoken to the Reverend.
Linda's father didn't know either. Just that they weren't getting along and
Linda desperately wanted to talk to Kate. He couldn't very well tie her up and
force her to listen, though. And he loved her far too much to risk directing her
wrath at him by butting in where he had no right to be. He knew it wasn't right
to get involved anyway; this was between Kate and Linda. That's why he felt so
helpless as he turned back to the old tractor. It just broke his heart to see
his only daughter like this.

Kate quietly returned to her book. An hour or so had passed when she looked up
again. Her father had been cursing softly again. Just mild cursing, nothing
major. Cursing wasn't encouraged in the home.

She rose to her feet and approached her father.
"You want anything to drink?"
"Maybe an iced tea, if you are offering. It's durn hot out here."

She lifted the dress away from her skin at the hips by pinching the fabric.
"Stuck to me. I guess it is hot."

"You don't have to be out here with me, if you don't want."
"I'll keep you company. Who else will, you cantankerous old man?"

He aimed a swat at her with his oily hands but she danced away with a laugh. She
ran towards the house and stood by the kitchen window, mixing up some iced tea.
She added a few ice cubes to the mixture and poured two tall glasses. She sipped
at her glass as she returned to the back of the house.

She stopped in her tracks after she'd descended from the porch, a look of
sadness and longing pervading her features. She stood motionless trying to
decide what to do. Walk quietly back into the house before they noticed her, or
deliver the drink to her father then return to the house. Her heart was
desperately trying to convince her mind to at least say hello. She hadn't seen
her in months. Not a word.

Her father glanced up from his conversation with the girl.
"Honey? Please?" he called out to Kate frozen to the spot.
Kate just quickly shook her head, eyes downcast.

"Please, Kate. It's only Linda, honey. She doesn't bite. At least come and say
hello. We're civil around here."

She doesn't bite? Actually she does, flitted through Kate's mind. An unwanted
tingle raced through her body at the sight of her neighbour and the memories of
her soft bites.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Gibson. I. I think I better go." Linda looked across the dusty
yard at Kate. "I'm sorry Kate. I truly am." Linda began to walk backwards, back
the way she had come. Tears had begun to fall from her 
eyes as she slowly moved away.

Kate took a deep breath and forced her feet to make the walk towards her father.
She still hadn't uttered a word.

Linda had turned and was walking slowly towards the path. Kate watched her, sure
she was sobbing. Kate felt a tear fall down her own face watching her leave.

"Come on, honey. I know you want to talk to her. I can see it in your eyes. You
wouldn't be crying if you didn't. All it would take is one word before she's
gone. Come on. Call her name. Get her back here. I miss her, too."

Kate swallowed, feeling the tears intensify. "I. I can't, Daddy. You don't
understand."

"I don't need to understand." She felt his hand stroking her hair like she was a
little girl again. He had cleaned his hands recently with orange degreaser. She
could faintly smell it on the humid air. "All I know is that you love her and
she loves you. You are going to lose the best friend of your life if you don't
forgive her for whatever she's done to you."

Kate swallowed hard, again, and moved away from her father. She sat down on the
old stump and held her face in her hands, sobbing again. Her heart ached.

"Linda?" Kate's quivering voice called across the distance from her to the other
girl. "Don't go," she whispered to herself. Linda was walking slowly and was
almost out of earshot.

Linda hesitated, almost as if she hadn't quite heard and was frightened that the
voice was a figment of a hopeful imagination.

"Linda?" Kate called a bit louder and a bit stronger.

Linda turned, her face still completely tear streaked. She took a deep breath
and tried to control her emotions and her unhappiness. She began 
a slow walk back towards her former friend and lover, giving them both time to
avoid the encounter if they wanted.

Kate looked over helplessly to her father, tears still streaming down her fair
features.

He mouthed to her, "I'm proud of you, baby." He nodded, and drink still in hand,
walked back towards the house, glad to give the girls their privacy.

Linda stopped a meter from Kate's seat. The two girls looked at each other, both
unsure of the other, not quite knowing what to do.

Linda whispered first, "Kate? I don't expect you to forgive me. You have every
right in the world to be angry at me. But I am sorry. I am so sorry I hurt you.
You can't imagine."

Kate began to cry harder, her whole body shaking as she sat on the stump, unable
to speak. Linda was crying as well, but she desperately tried to control
herself, wanting so much to talk to Kate. Make her understand. It had been so
long since she'd even heard Kate's voice.

The girls had never fought as long as they had known one another.

Linda let Kate cry for a few minutes while struggling with her own emotions.

"I. The only thing I want to do right now is gather you in my arms and comfort
you. And I can't." Linda spoke quietly.

"Please, don't." Kate choked out. "I'm fine."

"You aren't fine. And I can't stand that I caused it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
sorry."

Linda stepped forward and fell to her knees, her jeans throwing dust up from the
ground as she dropped. She went to place her hands on Kate's knees, the same way
Kate's father had earlier, but then hesitated. She didn't have the right to
touch Kate any more. She'd given it up Easter weekend. She rocked back on her
heels instead and gazed up at Kate, her 
pain evident on her pretty features.

"Kate? I know you're angry with me. I. Understand. But I don't want to lose you.
I never did. I loved you. I still do. I swear it. I always wanted to be friends.
I never wanted this to happen. Do you think I'd be calling here every day if I
did?"

Kate struggled to control her sobbing, forcing the tears to stop with an act of
will.

"I. I'm not sure I can go back to being just friends. I. I fell in love with
you. It's my fault. But. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I just want to be alone if
I can't have you."

Linda swallowed. "I know. I fell in love with you, as well."
"Then why?"
"I would have explained three months ago if you'd let me."
"I. I wasn't ready to listen. I was hurt. I still am."

"I know. I didn't mean to hurt you. I swear that I was just being honest. And I
screwed up. I didn't do it properly. Didn't say anything right. At the worst
possible time. I. I just thought you should know. I'd never done anything like
that before. I'm sorry. I didn't want this.  God, I didn't want this."

"Why him?"

"Oh God. I don't know. I was lonely. It was a mistake. I thought I liked him. He
made me forget about everything for a while. You. Here. My loneliness."

Kate cocked her head and stared through her tears at Linda kneeling before her.
She couldn't believe how much it hurt to hear about Lorne. Even after all this
time. This shouldn't hurt this much. There was never any real commitment except
in her heart.

"I discovered something about myself that I've been trying to tell you for
months now. Ever since I got back. But you won't talk to me."

"Linda? I'm not sure I can do this."

"We're just talking, Kate. I swear, I'm not going to hurt you anymore. I'm not
expecting anything at all. If you want me to go, I will. I'll wait until you are
ready. But I'm not going to give up on you. I caused this, I'm going to fix it.
Somehow. And I'll just wait until you let me.  I. I'm persistent. Someday you'll
talk to me again. I have to be with you. I can't lose you."

"Alright. I'll listen. I don't promise anything though."

Linda swallowed. "I'll take that. And I don't expect you to forgive me."  She
paused, gathering her thoughts and wiping at the tears on her face. "I cried for
hours in that loft, you know? I didn't know what to do. A part of me died when
you left. I contemplated jumping, you know that? I was so miserable. If I was
sure I would die instead of just breaking my stupid arm, I would have. When it
got dark, I managed to get myself out of the hay we were in together and get my
clothes. I missed you so much.   It was still raining and I vaguely remember
walking into the house with my stupid wet white t-shirt. I didn't care anymore.
I'm pretty sure that my father and my brother were at the table when I walked
in. He didn't say anything though I probably gave them a hell of a show. I just
didn't care anymore. You were gone. I didn't eat supper. I remember lying on my
bed crying my eyes out. I don't even remember falling asleep. It wasn't until I
got back to school that I realized that I wasn't thinking of Lorne when I was
crying up there. It was you."

"I cried all night, too. I've been crying ever since. Every night." Kate
whispered.

"I was so afraid that I'd never see you again. I was so screwed up. I. I broke
up with Lorne on the Tuesday. He still doesn't know why. All he knew was that I
was upset. And he was okay with it, though we never really talked again like we
used to."

"I'm sorry." Kate whispered again.

"All I want is you. We. I can't stand that you won't return my calls. That you
won't speak to me. I know I deserve it. I know I'm a shit. I know that you have
every right to hate me. But it's tearing me apart. I'll do whatever it takes. I
swear it. I'll be lonely until the end of time. I don't care. Eventually you'll
at least be friends with me again. Even if I can't have you like before. I'm not
giving up."

Kate hung her head, not being able to fight the tears any longer. Her body shook
and she climbed slowly to her feet. Without thinking, she turned and ran back
towards the house crashing blindly through the back door and up the stairs. She
stood at her window, gazing at the girl still kneeling in the dust. She watched
as her father walked slowly out towards her and helped the sobbing girl to her
feet. He gently kissed her forehead and steadied her until she seemed to be able
to stand on her own. He held her as he would his own daughter, letting her cry
on his shoulder. Tears were still streaming down Kate's face as she stood
watching, her heart breaking. Linda slowly turned away from the house and walked
away. She turned once and gazed up at Kate's window, tears forming again but she
turned and began to walk again, slowly away down the path. Kate watched her as
long as she could, until she was out of sight.

Kate collapsed onto her bed and buried her head in the pillows. She sobbed
uncontrollably until her father knocked gently some time later. It might even
have been an hour later; time had ceased to exist for Kate.

She savagely wiped at the tears with the back of her hand and ran her fingers
through her hair. His gentle voice floated through the door.

"Sweetheart? Pumpkin? Please let me in."
"I. Just want to be alone right now."
"Please?"

She nodded, and then realized that he couldn't see her. She took a deep breath
and whispered, "Come in."

She watched as the door opened in slow motion and he slid quietly into the room.
He sat down on her bed, cupping her face like he had when she was a little girl.

"Honey? I'm proud of you."

"Proud? Of me? Why? Because I ran in here like a little girl? Refused to talk to
my best friend? Former best friend? Can't stop crying? Because I can't tell you
what's wrong?" Her small fist hammered into her thigh as she spoke.

"Proud that you called her back. That you listened to her. Sometimes these
things take time. I don't pretend to know what you are going through, but I know
I miss her. My heart leapt when I saw her walk into the yard. Loved her voice
when she was talking to me out there. I miss her. I can't imagine how much you
must miss her."

"I. I do miss her. More than you can know."
"And you can't forgive her?"
"I don't know if I can."
"Whatever she's done, is she sorry?"
"She is."
"You know she is?"
"She's sorry. I know it."

"And you still can't forgive her? She was your best friend, honey. You've spent
your life with her. Playing. Riding. Sharing secrets. And she's scared that
she'll never see you again."

"I know. And I'm afraid of never seeing her again."
"Call her."
"I. I can't."
"Go see her then. She'll welcome you. I know."
"Daddy. You don't understand."

"I understand enough. Go see her. She's sorry. I'm sure her family is missing
you, too. I hate to see you both like this. You know how a woman's tears pull at
you? It's hard on me, too. You cry every day. I notice no matter how much you
try and hide it."

"I'm sorry, Daddy."

"Don't worry about me. Just worry about yourself. Whenever you are ready. Just
don't wait too long. You'll be at school in another couple of months. Separated
again. If you don't make an effort you will lose her. Forever."

She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him fiercely. She cried into his
shoulder and sobbed until there weren't anymore tears. Her tears mixed with
Linda's on her father's shirt. He carefully lifted her arms from around his neck
and lay her back on the bed with a soft kiss on the forehead.

"Go see her. Tonight. One of your midnight excursions. She'll be there. Waiting.
Hoping. As she has been every night that you two have been back."

She looked at him quizzically.

"Don't look at me that way, young lady. You might have been able to fool the
Reverend, but I'm a light sleeper. I had to take care of you when you were this
big and smaller because your mother wasn't here. I may not have heard you every
night, but enough to know that you sneaked out occasionally. I knew where you
were going. I don't know what you did, probably talked all night if I know you,
but I know where you went. Where else would you go? I know how young girls are.
And I figured you could take care of yourself. I trusted you."

"Thank you, Daddy. That means a lot to me."
"You want some dinner? I can whip up some hot dogs or something?"

She tried to crack a smile for him. He knew that she normally loved hot dogs for
dinner. "I'm not really hungry."

"If you change your mind, let me know. I'll make you whatever you want. And
remember, she was your best friend. That counts for something. Whatever she did.
She didn't mean to hurt you."

Kate nodded and lay back on the pillows. She sighed and glanced out at the
gathering gloom. She wondered where Linda was and what she was doing. The tears
returned, silently running down her cheeks.

***

Her alarm softly beeped at 11:45pm waking her from a fitful sleep. Her dreams
had not been entirely pleasant. She had a lingering feeling that she had been
tied to a chair and forced to watch Linda and Lorne make love gently in front of
her. The emotion of the dream faded and within minutes she couldn't recall even
that she had been dreaming.

She took a deep breath and slipped on her clothing. As she pulled her jeans over
her hips, she remembered vividly the sight of Linda kneeling in the dust crying
earlier this afternoon. She pursed her lips and fought off her tears. Her
stomach was full of butterflies. She hadn't made this trek in months. She
normally enjoyed the walk or run to the Miller residence at midnight, but
tonight she was just filled with apprehension. She had no clue what she'd say or
if she would say anything. She didn't even know if Linda was there, or if she
would respond. She'd been out of touch so long, Linda may have found something
to do on these hot summer nights. Perhaps she was at a friend's house or a
party.

She'd be waiting for her, her father had said. And he was never wrong.

She slipped out of the room and quietly stepped down the stairs, her hand
trailing on the wooden banister. As she passed through the darkened living room
she almost screamed as she heard the disembodied voice float up from the easy
chair.

"Good luck," her father whispered.

Kate swallowed and bit her tongue. She wanted to yell and scream at him for
scaring her, but she didn't. Instead, she just whispered back, "Thank-you." She
wondered briefly how many times he'd been sitting there as she carefully sneaked
past, silently waiting for her return, making sure she was safe.

She felt a little foolish, continuing to sneak out of the house, but refrained
from turning on the lights. She stumbled to the back door and slipped on her
running shoes. She walked out into the night.

The clean night air buried itself into her lungs. She'd forgotten how
invigorating it was. How erotic. She smelled the night and sighed heavily. She
wondered how this night was going to turn out.

She walked slowly down the winding path towards the Miller's. She sometimes ran
this part of the journey, but only if she was anxious to get there. Tonight, she
wasn't even sure she'd signal. Maybe she'd just stand on the back lawn and watch
her window for a while. The moon was nearly full tonight. Not a harvest moon,
but it lit the path preventing any stumbles.

She arrived on the Miller's back lawn and checked her watch. 12:30. She took a
deep breath and sat down in the shadows, hugging her knees to her chest. She
watched the upstairs window. All the windows were dark. She sat there for about
twenty minutes fighting with herself. Finally, she got to her feet and began to
walk towards the house, her right hand full of small stones.

"Kate?" a soft female voice spoke from the back porch.

Kate let out a small scream and immediately dropped the stones. She clapped her
hands over her mouth and prepared to run like a frightened deer back the way
she'd come. The female voice laughed softly but not unkindly.

"Don't run. Please. I was waiting for you. I've waited for you every night for
the last month. Even when it rained. Hoping that you'd come. You finally show
up, and I scare you. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you. I can't believe
you came."

Kate caught her breath. Linda. The other girl rose from the wicker chair on the
porch and stepped down onto the lawn. She didn't run into Kate's arms as she
used to. Her voice wasn't as playful anymore, just sorrowful.

"I saw you sitting there on the lawn. You have no idea how hard it was not to
run to you, to sit still," Linda spoke quietly.

"You were watching me?"

"Yes. I. I was afraid that you weren't going to come to the house. That you were
just going to sit there and then leave."

"I was."

"Oh. If you had, I would have let you. You would never have known I was here."

"I was going to signal you. With the stones."

"Didn't have to, this time. Will you let me talk? Without running? I'll beg you
on my knees if that's what you want."

Kate slowly turned and walked back out onto the lawn. She sat down in the
moonlight and motioned for Linda to join her. Linda padded over to where Kate
had settled. Kate noticed that Linda was again in her nightgown. Barefoot. Linda
knelt in front of Kate. How often she had removed that nightgown for Kate. Kate
felt a tingle again deep inside her, but willed it away. She wasn't here for
that. Not tonight.

"Kate. I know I was wrong. And I'm sorry. I'll say I'm sorry until the day I
die, if you want me to. I'm so sorry."

"I know you're sorry, Linda. I'm sorry, too."

Linda looked a bit surprised that Kate had spoken to her at all. "Whatever I can
do to make things right, I will. I'll be happy if you'll just talk to me again.
Even if you won't be my friend. I betrayed you.  I know I did. I. I won't let it
ever happen again. I promise. As long as I live. I can't go through this again.
You mean too much to me."

Kate whispered so softly Linda wasn't even sure she'd heard it.

"I forgive you." Tears were streaming down her face. Kate reached forward and
touched Linda's hand. The first physical contact they'd had in months. She felt
like electricity was flowing from Linda to herself. "I've wanted to forgive you
for a long long time, but you hurt me so much."

Linda closed her eyes and threw her arms around Kate's neck, hugging her
fiercely, her breasts mashed into Kate as Kate melted into the intense embrace.
Linda whispered, "I know I hurt you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Kate returned the
hug, hungrily, missing the touch of Linda's body so much it ached inside of her.

They reluctantly separated and Kate leaned back on her hands in the grass. Linda
rocked back on her heels. Both girls were very unsure of where they were. What
they could and couldn't do. It was as though they were strangers meeting for the
first time. It had been so easy before. Kate couldn't remember if she'd ever
come at midnight and they hadn't been intimate. But it didn't quite seem right,
though her body was aching for Linda's knowing touches. She was sure that they
both wanted it. Maybe next time they'd be ready.

They looked at each other for a long time just drinking in the sight of one
another.

"I was afraid that I would never get to see you like this again," Linda spoke
quietly. "My whole life felt ... empty. I couldn't stop thinking about you."

"I know. I hated you and I loved you. Back and forth. I felt like a damn yo-yo.
But it was always you on my mind."

"We'll be alright, won't we?"

"I don't know. I don't know how we're going to be. Let's take it slow? Alright?"

Linda reached for Kate and Kate sat up, extending her hand. She gently pulled
Linda towards her and they embraced again. The two women lowered themselves to
the grass and just held each other. Kate let her emotions flow through her for
what seemed like the first time in what felt like forever.

Kate whispered, "I don't know if it can be the same as it was."

Linda closed her eyes, fought off her sudden case of nerves, and lightly brushed
Kate's lips with her own.

"I meant what I said at Christmas. I do love you. And I always will."

Kate returned the kiss gently. "Let's start again, okay? I think I'm falling
back in love with you, too, sweety. I really do. Just slow. Okay?"


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