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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celestial Reviews 309 -- October 10, 1998
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Celestial Reviews 309 -- October 10, 1998
Help! I don't know where my posts are going, and I cannot contact my Link
finder. I suspect someone has changed an address or gone on hiatus, but I
need to hear from Eli or Bitbard. If either of you see this message, please
contact me.
Note: Maurie was not having a good day on the golf course. After he missed a
twelve-inch putt, his partner asked him what the problem was.
"It's the wife" said Maurie. "As you know, she's taken up golf; and since
she's been playing, she's cut my sex down to once a week."
"Well you should think yourself lucky," replied his partner. "She's cut some
of us out altogether!"
Second note: The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out
about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the
time came for the kids to give their reports, the teacher called on them one
at a time.
She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could
be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Johnnie walked up to the front
of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the
blackboard, then sat back down. The teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie
had in mind for his report that was so exciting, so she asked him just what
that was.
"It's a period," reported Johnnie.
"Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period."
"Damned if I know," said Johnnie; "but this morning my sister said she missed
one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot
himself."
Third Note: A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a
young couple was engaged in oral sex.
"Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out
there!"
But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed
happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple were doing.
"Well, err.... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of
artificial respiration... yeah, that's it! It's artificial respiration!"
"WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna
try for next!"
Fourth note: I get some of this stuff from a Faithful Field Correspondent,
who shall remain anonymous, so that I can get credit for what he sends me.
Anyway, many universities, government offices, and businesses tend to strip
the last name down to 6 characters and add the first and last initial to
either the beginning or end to make up an e-mail address; e..g., Mary L.
Ferguson = mlfergus or fergusml.
They are just now beginning to realize the problems this practice may cause
when you have a large and diverse pool of people to support with e-mail. Add
to that a large database of company/college acronyms and you have some very
funny addresses (although they are undoubtedly not funny to the individual
involved).
Some examples of actual e-mail addresses seen on the Net:
Helen Thomas Eatons
(Duke University)
eatonsht@dku.edu
Martha Elizabeth Cummins
(Fresno University)
cumminme@fu.edu
George David Blowmer
(Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.)
blowmegd@dropdrawers.com
Mary Ellen Dickinson
(Indiana University of Pennsylvania)
dickinme@iup.edu
Francis Kevin Kissinger
(Las Verdes University)
kissinfk@lvu.edu
Barbara Joan Beeranger
(Myplace Home Decorating)
beeranbj@myplace.com
Amanda Sue Pickering
(Purdue University)
aspicker@pu.edu
Ida Beatrice Ballinger
(Ball State University)
ibballin@bsu.edu
Bradley Thomas Kissering
(Brady Electrical, Northern Division, Overton Canada)
btkisser@bendover.com
Isabelle Haydon Adcock
(Toys "R" Us)
ihadcock@tru.com
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
=====================
Celestial Reviews:
=====================
"Natural Arcs" by Adhara Law (sex & music) 10, 10, 10
"Fucking Carmody" by Mark Aster (sex instructions) 10, 10, 10
"Seinfeld -- No Man's Land" by Dimitri (sitcom parody) 9, 9, 9
"Therapy" by Sven the Elder (sexual massage) 10, 10, 10
"The Vibrator" by DTRulz69 (masturbation) 9, 9, 9
"Hope" by Wayne Laredo (adult sex with young girl) 10, 9, 9
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
{I assume you have noticed that my ratings are sometimes higher than those of
some of my guest reviewers. I explain my rationale for the higher ratings in
my FAQ, but it gets to where some of the authors want me "because Celeste
gives higher ratings." Please keep in mind that a 7 from some of these
reviewers may be equivalent to a 10 from me or from a different reviewer.
Diversity is good, but sometimes it requires that you think. Most
importantly, READ the review, not just the ratings. Finally, I'd like to take
this opportunity to reiterate my appreciation to these guest reviewers for
their help.}
"Frasier Crane At Your Service" by Martin4Life (sitcom parody)
{No rating given}
"Playing with Fire" by MichaelD38 (Sex in a brushfire)
Jubjub: 10, 9.5, 9.5
"North from Jerusalem" by Adhara (sex and religion). Jaybird: 10, 8, 8
"Drive-By" by Peter Principle (nostalgic sex). Sven: 10, 10, 10
"Fresh Produce" by Bernadette (sex and food). MichaelD: 9, 7, 7
"Boy Magnets" by Jenny Wanshel (teacher fucks student).
Story Writer: 9, 7, 6
"Lord Of Dreams: The Barbershop" by Victor Ramierez (mind control)
Nick: 9, 8, 8
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
* "In the Booth" by Mark Aster (sex fantasies) 10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/8505.txt
* "Restroom Reaction" by Rajah Dodger (voyeurism & hand
job) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=209758338
==================
"Natural Arcs" by Adhara Law (eros_dreams@hotmail.com).
People who enjoy classical music may find this to be one of their all-time
favorites.
The title refers to the notion that the body should move in natural arcs --
both when playing the cello and when making love.
The female protagonist, of course, falls in love with the male master cellist
under whom she is studying. At the concert, he asks her to imagine him to be
playing her body while she watches and listens from the audience as he
performs his art on the stage. Afterwards they make love while she moves in
natural arcs.
It's really quite erotic.
Ratings for "Natural Arcs"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Fucking Carmody" by Mark Aster (MYFrThAl@aol.com).
This story serves as a useful lesson for understanding the difference between
gerunds and participles. The F-word in the title is a gerund. That is, it is
a verb used as a noun. As in "I enjoy fucking Carmody." What do you enjoy?
Fucking Carmody. Why do you enjoy fucking Carmody? Well, because she's
there, and she really enjoys fucking with almost anybody, and she's damned
good at it. Carmody is the object of the gerund. Less grammatically, sex is
the object of Carmody; and Carmody is the object of almost every guy with a
dick, largely because she really gets into it when she fucks with somebody
--
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