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Subject: RP TG: A Change of Direction (4/22) (Magic, TG)
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A Change of Direction
Part 4
by Tigger Copyright 1997, all rights reserved.

Archiving/publication of this author's work on any system that
requires payment in any form is prohibited by the author and
is in violation of my copyright to Chapters 7 and beyond. No archiving
or redistribution of this work is permitted without this copyright
attribution included, intact and complete, in the posting/archiving. 

A Change of Direction
Chapter 10

Excerpt from the Journal of Miss Jacqui Donovan

This is *not*, underline that, please, *not* a diary and I am
not going to open it the way I have read that teenage girls do
by writing "Dear Diary" on every damned page.  This is a
journal, a record of my experiences as I work to become my own
man again.  It is also a place where I can vent in privacy. 
Actually, the whole thing is Mum's idea and she has promised
some big deal oath that she will not use her magic to
"eavesdrop" on any thoughts I express in here.

It is a good idea, actually, although I refuse to tell her
that.  God knows, I need some place to discuss things or I
will go crazy.  I won't go to Mum and I can't go to anyone
else.  So this is the place where I will talk with myself.

And with Jack.

I know I promised Mum I would work to think of myself as the
female I give every outward appearance of being.  And I have. 
Mostly.  But Jack is still a part of me, and he still needs
expression.  At least, he does if I/he/we are ever going to
get through this with my/his/our sanity intact.

Anyway, on with the writing....

18 Days A. T.  (*that's *A*fter *T*ransformation.  I need a
time scale.  I would rather count "days to Re-Transformation",
but I can't.  Mum doesn't even know when that will happen. Or
if she does know, she is not telling me.  Which would mean
that she is lying to me, again, and I really don't think she
is - this time.  I think I believe her.  At least, I believe
she does not know *that* bit of information, anyway.)

I have just been assured that my *first* period is now
officially over.  I hereby apologize to all the girls I
snickered at in the eighth grade when they turned green and
had to go to the school nurse every month or so.  I also
understand the true meaning of "being on the rag".  It has
nothing to do with the various cloth implements intended to
collect the discharge and thus keep our womanly parts and
clothes from becoming a bloody mess.  No, the phrase *must*
derive from what the whole damned process feels like,
particularly when it first hits.  I can only liken it to
having somebody reach inside you, grab hold of your guts with
both hands and then try to wring them out like a wet dish rag. 

This is neither "wonderful" nor "glorious", Mum.

Jack went into deep hiding during the whole four days, the
damned coward.  Left me alone to face the thing all by myself.

Well, not quite.  Mum was there for me.  She was actually
pretty great about the whole thing.  I did not appreciate her
attempts at humor.  On reflection that was more because of a
petty desire to pout and sulk then the lameness of her jokes. 
Some weren't *too* bad.   Her back massages were *blissful*
and the food she fixed for me was bland but it stayed down
when I did not think anything I ate would.  

It's a strange thing and I don't know for sure, nor will I ask
her, but I think she did something magical to blunt the worst
of it that first night.  Don't know why, just a feeling
niggling in my head.  Her hands felt sort of warm on my back,
only it wasn't the hot kind of warm.  Can't describe it,
really, you just had to be there.

Taking birth control pills every day sure seems strange. Not
that I want to be with guys *that* way, but if I have learned
nothing else about this new body of mine, I have found out
that I am very easily aroused, and once I am turned on, I
*need* sexual relief.  Since I am not sure that my mental
reservations about guys will preclude some male from getting
me sexually excited, I really don't want to take the chance. 
What is that old line about what you call women who rely upon
contraceptive methods other than chemical or shields?  They
call them Mothers.  And since I am a virgin, that leaves only
the chemical method for me.  Particularly since I am *not*
going to trust a man to protect me.  

What am I saying??!?  A man?  Me?  Damn.

Mom gave me some line about only getting pregnant if I want
the baby of the man who is inside me.  What a crock!  Does she
*want* me to get pregnant?  If I believe her, all I have to do
is not want babies and I am home free.  Somehow, I don't think
so, Mum.

Which leads me to another, scarier line of thought.  What the
hell is all this learning I am going to find so "bloody
awful"??!?  I know Mom had me, and I *do* know where babies
come from.  I don't think I am going to be permitted to avoid
becoming "fully female" with a man, but I hope it is not
something really sick, like taking a man in my mouth or
putting out to two guys at once.

Naw, whatever Mom is, she is not that nasty.  More likely, I
am going to have to make out with a guy and enjoy it.  Yeah,
something like that.  She is just not going to happy until I
get thoroughly screwed and love it.

Well, that is it for today.  Not a bad first start, and I *do*
feel a little better.  Jack feels a bit ashamed at my
discussion of his cowardice, but he'll get over it.  For now,
I have a date with a hot tub full of bubbles.  Another thing
about this monthly affirmation of my new femininity.  It makes
you smell just a bit off, particularly up close, and a shower
just doesn't get the job done.

Just wish I had something to read other than fashion magazines
and romance novels.  Don't girls read Sports Illustrated?  Oh
well.  Till next time.


End Journal Entry.

************

"Well?"  Laurie asked the slender, ethereally pretty woman
seated across the kitchen table from her.

The woman smiled.  "If you wanted to know that badly, Laurel,
you should not have taken an oath sacred to the Goddess not to
peak." she chided gently.

Laurie grimaced.  "She needed the outlet so much, Bronwyn. She
won't talk to me and she doesn't have anyone else.  She would
not have started the journal if I had not promised not to
look."

"You know that asking me to do your peaking for you is
precisely the type of half truth that got you into this
trouble to begin with.  However, in this case, I must agree
with you.  She needs to express her feelings and you need know
how she is feeling."  Bronwyn's faintly blue eyes became
unfocused, then once again cleared.  She looked at Laurie,
surprise arching her brows.  "Did you use the healing arts to
ease her menses, Laurel?"

Laurie's eyes went wide and then she blushed at having been
caught. "Yes, High Priestess.  She was in such discomfort and
I felt so guilty at that moment.  When I massaged her, I took
just a bit of her pain into myself - not much," she hastened
to add in self justification, "Just enough that she could drop
off to sleep.

"Yes, well, as you are aware, we don't normally do that for a
new Sister's First Flow, but I can understand your dilemma.  I
will not gainsay your decision, Laurel.  You must do as you
think best in this sadly unique Transformation Transition. 
However, that is not the point.  What is important is that
your daughter sensed the use of the power.  She speculated
that you did something magical and even described it quite
accurately.  I don't think I have ever heard of a novice
Sister being quite so sensitive or aware of the Goddess power
so soon after Transformation before."

"I am not surprised, Bronwyn.  Everything has pointed to her
being very special, and very powerful.  Stubble it! What did I
do incorrectly?  Why is she fighting this so hard?  How can
she possibly want to ... to go back?" Tears welled in Laurie's
eyes.

"Laurel."  Bronwyn's voice was velvet steel.  "You did nothing
wrong.  The Sisterhood has reviewed the Transformation and
everything leading up to it.  We have found nothing wrong. 
Your child is, as you said, unique and very special. 
Unfortunately, this is sometimes what happens when you deal
with unique cases.  You cannot anticipate things that are
outside your experiences.  So, while that makes her very
important to us because of the power she possesses, some other
facet that makes her unique is likely working against us."

Laurie's tension eased under her friend's soothing approval. 
"You are sure?" she asked tremulously.  At Bronwyn's emphatic
nod, she sighed, and relaxed a bit more.  "You know?  I do
think I know at least one of the problems.  Initially
pretending that the Transformation was a fanciful lark on my
part was a mistake.   I know that it worked with me when my
Mother Transformed me.  I just saw the entire thing as a great
adventure.  However, that ploy failed miserably with my own
daughter.  At the time, she saw my lighthearted attitude as a
cruel, mean-spirited thing. She continues to think of it that
way."

"Would you have denied her the re-Transformation back to her
male identity had she requested it before you completed the
final spell? The spell that now requires her to effect her own
change back to Jack?"  Bronwyn's tone was one of only mild
interest, as if she already knew the answer.

Laurie's eyes went wide in outraged shock.  "Of course NOT! 
Not if she had been that repulsed by the change, or if she had
maintained sufficient self control in the face of her new
feminine needs and responses to request the re-Transformation.
That would have been proof that Jack's masculine self image
was  simply too strongly ingrained for her to have any success
making the adjustments she would need to master the Power
herself.  That *would* have been cruel because without her own
Power, my spell would then have been both permanent and
irreversible."

"Then your only error was one that the Sisterhood approved -
the treating of the initial Transformation period in a fun and
playful manner.  We *expected* it to be a fun experience for
her because that's how it was for all of us.  If you will
recall, *that* was why we chose the Scully identity for the
first stage of the Transformation - because everything we knew
about your son indicated that he would have fun "being" her. 
Unfortunately, although Jack reacted as we expected when you
put the question for "more time" to her, she did not react as
we anticipated when she was faced the totality of what she had
inadvertently agreed to accept.  The real sadness of this is
that as we prepare for a probable conflict in which we will
desperately need the power she could wield, we will likely not
be able to count upon having it.  *BUT*, I will say this
again, *none* of that is your fault."
A teary smile curved Laurie's lips.  "I understand, High
Priestess. Thank you for telling me that.  I have felt very .
. . inadequate of late."

"Nonsense.  Nothing about you is in any way inadequate."
Bronwyn flicked the word away with a careless gesture of her
hands.  "One other thing, Laurel.  Jack is in the journal,
too, but in the third person.  I find that very positive.  She
is trying to acclimate.  She also berates his ..... desertion
of her during her recent trial."  A wickedly mirthful grin lit
Bronwyn's face showing how beautiful she was.  "My, my, my. 
She does have quite an imagination." Mirth twinkled in
Bronwyn's eyes.  "She is discussing what her lessons may
require of her.  Very inventive, and at least partially
accurate."

"On another matter," Bronwyn continued quickly, "she did not
believe you when you told her about the ineffectiveness of
birth control.  I even infer that she took it just the other
way, that you were telling her she could stop conception."

Laurie's eyes closed on her misery.  "Goddess, what a mess. 
In that case, we are going to have to keep her on a very short
leash until she is advanced enough to be taught the
Transformation spell.  It is almost impossible for one of us
*not* to think positively about conception when we are making
love with a man we care about.  That is why we usually stick
to relationships with other Sisters.  Otherwise we would be
continuously pregnant."

"Sadly true.  Although, being with child is a lovely feeling. 
It is too bad that as members of the Sisterhood, we tend to
link making love and making babies very closely in our minds
and spirits."

"At least *you* can avoid that by maintaining some separation
when you are making love with a man.  Some of us can't."
Laurie sulked.

"True, which is probably a facet of your healing gifts. 
Still, keeping that mental shield means that the act of making
love is not nearly as fulfilling as it should be."   Bronwyn
frowned a bit before continuing. "Anything else?"

Laurie hesitated, but decided to press on.  "Yes, while we are
on the subject of sex.  Jacqui's drives are already very
strong.  She masturbates every night.  My own sex drive
following Transformation was very demanding and I think hers
will be even stronger.  Like most new Sisters, I had my Mother
to help me cope with the hunger until I was ready to deal with
men.  She never took, Bronwyn, only gave until I was ready to
return the gift. Jacqui, however, has not forgiven me and she
won't want that kind of relationship with me.  It would be
abusive of me even to try right now, but we can't let her fall
prey to her body's needs and end up getting pregnant too soon. 
I don't want to find out the hard way she was serious in her
threat.  If she wants to be a man again that badly, I have to
help her, but you are well aware of what terminating a fetus
would mean."

"Yes, I know.  You really believe that is a possibility?"  At
Laurie's shaky nod, Bronwyn frowned thoughtfully.  "Hmmm, Yes,
I see you do.  All right, I agree we need to provide her with
an outlet.   Someone to whom she can relate and to whom she
can confide her little troubles would also be useful.   She
starts school when?  In a fortnight?  All right, I will
arrange for her to meet someone at school who will provide her
with friendship, advice and sexual relief."

"A member of the Sisterhood?" Laurie asked.  At Bronwyn's
emphatic nod, Laurie sighed resignedly, wishing she could be
the one to share that first time and those other things with
her daughter.  That was just another of her little Mother's
dreams that had to be foresworn for the good of her daughter.
"Please, Bronwyn, make sure it is someone special for her. 
Please."

The answering smile was both gently reassuring and wickedly
feline.  "Why, Laurel."  The Power glowed about Bronwyn and
her form blurred momentarily.  The glow died just as suddenly,
and where Bronwyn had been but an instant before, sat a
teenaged girl - a shorter, blonder and very well developed
teenaged girl.  The face and body were pure adolescent male
wet dream brought to life, but the smile was still Bronwyn's. 
"I think your daughter is still viewing other women through
your son's libido, darling.  I believe this form is
sufficiently lacking in subtlety to gain her and *his*
attention."

Shocked, Laurie gasped. "You?  You are going to go to school
and watch over Jacqui??"

"Laurel, darling.  I am going to do *much* more than just
watch.  I am going to wear her out, and then, I will give her
a little, less-than-sisterly guidance about the pitfalls and
dangers of being a beautiful woman in man's world.  Hopefully,
I will be in a position to control her first contacts with men
and keep her out of too much trouble.  It will also give me a
chance to figure out how or if we can soften her attitude
toward the Transformation.  If she is going to be as powerful
as we both think she can be, we will need her willing
assistance in the coming struggle."  Anticipation, then hunger
gleamed in her lovely eyes.  "Now, since your daughter is
enjoying her little soak, how about you and I give the new
equipment," she gave her newly expansive bosom a little shimmy
that made one of Laurie's mouths dry and the other very wet,
"a test drive?" She held out her hand to Laurie who happily
took it in hers and then led the way to her bedroom.

Excerpt from the Journal of Miss Jacqui Donovan

Journal Entry: 25 days A. T.

Mum's own monthly visitor arrived today.  From the look of
her, that arrival was not gentle, either.  I wonder that I
never noticed how difficult these times are for her before
this.   Takes one to know one?  I guess.

I really wanted to be glad she was feeling so vile.  I wanted
to enjoy the fact that she was suffering, just like I had
suffered because of what she had done to me.  I *really*
wanted to stand outside her door and yell something like
"Payback is hell, isn't it?".  

Only, I couldn't.  I hated that she did not feel well.  Jack
is a bit upset with me for going soft on him, but I can't help
it.  Besides, his opinion doesn't count, the coward.  I
wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone.

And besides, she still is my Mum.

Anyway, I went into her room tonight and did the same things
for her that she did for me - herbal tea and a back rub.  She
has nice skin - really soft and nice to touch. Is my skin like
that now?  She is so much lighter in skin color than I am.

Anyway, it seemed to help.  She went to sleep soon after I
started.  Hope she feels better tomorrow.  I don't feel so
good myself just now.  I wonder if I am going to be irregular
about these things.  I feel like I am about to have another
period, myself.  Yuck.

End Journal Entry.

*************
"Hello?" the calm voice came over the phone line.

"Bronwyn?  This is Laurie.  You will not believe this."
Laurie's voice was a flood of excited babbling.

"Calm down, Laurel.  Tell me what's wrong!"

Laurie took a deep breath and forced herself to speak slowly. 
"Nothing is wrong, Bronnie.  It's amazing, but nothing bad.  I
started my monthly last night and Jacqui helped me."

"Oh?  So she is softening toward you?"

"No, no... I mean, well, maybe, but that is not what I mean. 
She *helped* me, like I did her.  She used magic to share my
discomfort and reduced the intensity of it so I could fall
sleep.  I fell asleep before I could stop myself.  I think she
did that, too."

"Now, Laurel.  You know she can't possibly do that without
training."

"Bronwyn, you are the High Priestess and the most powerful of
us all, but I am the Chief Healer.  I know the feel of a
healer's touch on me.  I did not do it.  You know as well as I
that the healing art only works on others.   Somehow, she
learned by feeling me do it to her and she did it for me
without realizing what she did.  I know the signs and this
morning, she was suffering from post healing fatigue symptoms. 
She had shared my cramps and had not slept well because of
them."

"Incredible.  So advanced for one yet untrained.  We will have
to watch her even more carefully.  I've never heard of a
novice learning independently like that, but she evidently
has."

"Do you know how long I had to work with my own Mother before
I could begin to match what she unthinkingly accomplished last
night?" Laurie interjected, somewhat indignantly.

"Now there's a scary thought, my dear.  If the mere act of
using magic on her in some way "teaches" her enough to begin
using it herself, then we must be extremely cautious what
magic she is exposed to and when she is exposed to it.
Goddess, but that takes many options out of our hands.  Even
the mildest manipulation and influence spells are out of the
question for the time being.  I don't want an untrained novice
poking about people's heads without even realizing she is
doing it."

"Bronwyn?  What about the Transformation Spell?  She was
definitely exposed to that magic, too.  The Sisterhood could
be endangered if the entire Senior Class at her school
suddenly all turn into females."

The phone went silent for a moment.  "Good point.  I will have
to be sure I am there with her.  It may not be a problem since
she was exposed to that spell when she was still a male and
therefore incapable of wielding the power, but until we are
sure of that, we need to be on guard against it.   We can only
hope that this trick is a manifestation of her incredible
potential now that she is female.  Laurel?  You had better
start her training." the voice paused and then added
emphatically.  "Now."

"Now??"  Laurie was aghast.  "But, we agreed to give her a few
months to settle in before starting to teach her any real
magic."

"That was before she taught herself.  Unfortunately, she
probably does not know how she is doing it.  She may not even
realize that she *is* doing it.  You know as well as I the
dangers an adept faces once a healing linkage is joined.  She
has to learn how to control the establishment of a link and
she has to understand the inherent risks."

"You are right, of course.  I will use the remainder of my
monthly as the hook.  I will start tonight before bedtime. 
You realize it will be a time before she can safely do
anything on her own?"
"Healing is not the focus of my talent, but I know how
difficult it can be to master.  In any case, I should be able
to block her if she does start to do something at school.  I
have already arranged to be in all of her classes.  By the
second day, we should be famous chums.  Now, if I am going to
be spending the next few months reliving my high school years,
I have some things that require my attention first.  I suspect
I will be seeing you soon, Laurel.  Bye." The phone clicked
off and a dial tone began to buzz in Laurie's ear.

Laurie carefully hung up the phone.  What had she done? 
Obviously, her daughter was unique in the recorded memory of
the Sisterhood.  Whether that would be a good thing, a neutral
thing or a bad thing, only the fullness of time would tell.

******
"So," said the tall, dark haired man seated behind the desk. 
"She is of the Sisterhood, and her son is now her daughter?"
The man seated across from him looked at the spiral notebook
in his hands and then looked up to speak.  "Yes, High Leader. 
Our data scans of the Social Security records have shown that,
about two weeks ago, the Social Security Number of one John
David Donovan was suddenly associated with Jacqueline Daphne
Donovan.  Subsequent checks of other personal records for John
Donovan are nonexistent.  To date, only your special,
magically sealed records indicate such a person ever existed."

"Excellent.  The Dark One is with us.  For the first time in
the history of the Brotherhood, we have identified a
completely untrained Sister.  We will play this game
carefully.  I want a totally invisible, completely discreet
surveillance on both of the Donovan," and here the man sneered
and spat out the word, "women.  We will bide our time and
strike when we have what we need to rid this planet of the
Sisterhood and their puling Goddess once and for all.  Now go
and do as I ordered."

The other man made a toadying bow and all but ran from the
room.  Power, thought the man still seated at his desk, was
the only thing worth having in this life.  And soon, his would
be total.  Thanks to the power of computers and the power of
magic.

End Part 4


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