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Subject: {Endemoniada}JDR"Arthur J. Puddock"(MF humor)[1/1]
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JOHN DARK REPOST
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=====================================================
Arthur J. Puddock -- Love Guru
By Endemoniada
endemoniada@cryogen.com
Arthur stood by the bedroom door, his shadow looming across the
darkened room. A quiver of excitement passed through him as he
looked across to the bed; the sexy blonde smiled back at him, a
lurid streak of red lipstick smeared across her lovely face. She was
absolutely gorgeous, he thought with excitement. How she was going to
suck his cock tonight! Oh, God, yes, he was rock hard tonight! She
was really going to get it good from him, he could just tell!
He crawled onto the bed and eased himself between her spread legs. She
smiled back at him as he kissed her. "Ahhhhh," he groaned as he eased
inside her slick pussy. "Oh, baby, that's nice." Still the blonde
smiled back at him, enraptured by his powerful entry. Slowly he
started to thrust inside her; the bedsprings squeaked in return, but
just then there was a loud popping sound. Unceremoniously, Arthur
slid off of the blonde and crashed to the floor.
"Goddamn it!" he cursed. "Another damn puncture." It was the
third one this week.
He picked himself up and looked down at the blonde--Luscious Linda was
her name--lying prone and deflated on the bed. He gently stroked his
hand over the cold plastic cover of her butt, now lumpy and soft to
the touch.
"Awww, honey, don't worry, I'll fix you up. You'll see, it'll be
okay."
And then he saw it, horror of horrors, a large tear in her side,
nearly three inches in diameter! He shuddered, his head dropped in
despair. It was useless, he knew he wouldn't be able to patch her up.
Linda had finally reached the end of her days. Time to get out the
catalogue and order another, perhaps this time a doll that could
support his ever-increasing weight. He had to admit that his
waistline had expanded somewhat in the last couple of months. Well,
he thought to himself, what was there for a lonely bachelor to do,
except sit home at night and eat candy?
He lay back on the bed, clutching his sadly deflated lover to his
chest. That's it, no more inflatable sex for me, he resolved. I'm
gonna get myself a real woman if it's the last thing I do.
* * * * *
The next day Arthur found himself perched nervously on a chair in the
waiting room of Dr. Heinz Goebbels, the city's leading plastic
surgeon. Last night's disaster had prompted Arthur to take immediate
action: no longer could he live as half a man (or in his case a
quarter, what with his micro-weenie), doomed to have inflatable sex
for the rest of his life.
Besides, he reasoned, it was more than just sex. Luscious Linda
wasn't much of a conversationalist, and he'd need someone to keep him
company in his old age, when sex began to take a back seat in their
relationship. The only words she'd ever said to him were "Ooohhhh",
"Ahhhhhh", and "Ohhhhhh....Ahhhhh.....Unnnggghhh", and that was only
when he remembered to change her batteries. And like a well brought
up girl, she never spoke with her mouth full.
The pretty receptionist called over to him. "Dr. Goebbels will see
you now, sir."
Arthur nodded and walked towards the door. He pushed it open and
entered the office. A man seated in a leather recliner rose to greet
him. They shook hands.
"Good afternoon, Mr Puddock. I'm Dr. Goebbels, how can I help you?"
The doctor motioned to him, "Take a seat, please."
"Well," said Arthur, as he sat down, not knowing quite where to begin.
"It's like this, doc. I have a problem with...well, you
know....women. They just don't seem interested in me, and I think I
know the reason why. It's because of this." Arthur then stood up and
dropped his trousers in front of the doctor.
Silence passed between the two for several seconds, the doctor deep in
thought, his hand stroking his well sculpted chin as he looked at
cruel joke Mother Nature had played on Arthur.
"Hmmmmm," he said at last. "Yes, I can certainly see that you have a
problem, Mr Puddock." He reached for a magnifying glass and bent
closer to Arthur's groin. "However, not to worry, because I think
that I can help you."
"Yes, I know. That's what I was hoping. I saw your advertisement in
the paper. I don't care what it costs, doc. I just need you to help
me."
"Certainly. We have a catalogue, if you'd care to browse through it."
"Gee, thanks, doc," said Arthur gratefully. He accepted the
catalogue and started to flick through the pages. Illustrated within
its glossy pages were a variety of penises of all shapes and sizes,
each with their own built in custom modifications: super-spurter,
stay-hard, and there was even one that was ribbed ("for her pleasure"
and had an extendible clitoris stimulator. Wow, and the prices.but,
fortunately, he'd managed to arrange a second mortgage this morning,
in expectation of the installation of his new equipment.
He examined the photographs in turn. Six inches...no, that was much
too short. Eight inches....no, what was he, a man or a mouse? Ten
inches....oh, yes, he thought with excitement, that's a bit more like
it! But then he saw it, the Holy Grail of penises, that which would
turn him into the Ultimate Love God, that which would cause him to
have normally perfectly sensible, intelligent women tear off their
clothes, foam at the mouth and lust after him until their dying day.
"That's it, doc," he said with a wide grin, as he pointed to the
obscenely swollen phallus on the page. "That's the one I want."
"The Zeus Orgasmatron Professional--it's the top of our range.
Fourteen inches long and four and three quarter inches thick,
guaranteed to stay hard for three hours straight. You've made an
excellent choice, Mr Puddock. I'm sure you'll be very happy
together."
"How soon can you do it?"
"It just so happens that we have a free slot this afternoon, Mr
Puddock. If all goes well you should be ready to go home this
evening. And don't worry about all of those horror stories you
might have heard in the press lately. Our surgical procedures are
extremely safe nowadays. Hardly anyone has died lately." He flashed
Arthur a reassuring smile from his pearly white bridgework.
* * * * *
The operation had gone smoothly, and Arthur was now the proud
owner of a Zeus Orgasmatron Professional--fourteen inches of the
finest man meat ever to grace God's Earth. He was still a little
groggy from the anaesthetic, and he tottered towards the mirror, eager
to examine himself. He lifted his gown over his head and threw it to
the floor. He gasped at the enormous swathe of white bandage that
dangled between his legs.
He looked around and noticed Dr. Goebbels was standing there. "Hi,
doc, how did it go?"
"Excellently, Mr Puddock. The operation was a complete success."
"Can I look at it?"
"Yes," said the doctor. "Although be careful when you take the
bandages off, you might find yourself still a little sensitive."
Arthur tore away at the bandages until his new penis was completely
uncovered. His jaw dropped, he was stunned. Even in its flaccid
state it was absolutely huge!--much bigger than his old penis had ever
been when erect. This was surely going to be the beginning of a
beautiful friendship.
A tear came to his eye. "That's wonderful, doc. That's really
wonderful. How can I ever thank you?" He hugged the doctor
warmly. Then remembering himself, quickly stepped back, adopting the
appropriate masculine demeanour.
Dr Goebbels wiped back a tear, too; clearly it was an emotional
moment for both men He had done a first class job. "No thanks is
necessary, Mr. Puddock," he said. "I'm just happy that I can bring
fulfilment to so many lives through my work." Yes, that was true, but
so was the fact that Arthur had paid many thousands of dollars for his
new penis. It would be enough for a downpayment on the doctor's new
swimming pool.
Arthur quickly dressed, thanked the doctor once more, and left the
building. He whistled a happy tune as strode down the street, feeling
his massive penis swing back and forth. Tonight was the night that he
finally become a man. He was Arthur J. Puddock, Love Guru
Extraordinaire.
* * * * *
Arthur fingered through his closet, searching for just the right
outfit to turn him into Mr. Irresistible. He finally decided upon a
gold lame suit, a wide collared bright red shirt, and a pair of white
cowboy boots with gold toecaps.
He paced before his mirror, examining his natty attire. Truly he had
an awesome sense of style, the women would be going absolutely crazy
for him tonight. He'd be surprised if he didn't get laid at least
seven or eight times.
Then he caught a second glance of himself--still as handsome as
ever, although there was something missing, something he couldn't
quite put his finger on it. Then he remembered. Of course, it was
obvious. He went across to his dresser and searched through a small
wooden box, finally producing the item that would make him the object
of every female's wildest (and hopefully most perverted) dreams.
He held it up to the light, admiring its beauty as it gently twirled
around. It was his lucky charm, the Travolta Disco Funk 2000
medallion, one of only five hundred ever produced--a true collector's
item, as well as a bargain at $19.99 (and "Not available in any shop"
as the advert had proudly proclaimed). He chained it around his neck
and opened the top five buttons of his shirt, giving pride of place to
the medallion.
There was a knock at the door. "Taxi for Mr. Puddock," a voice
called. Arthur clicked off the light and strode, with confidence for
the first time in his life, towards his apartment door.
* * * * *
Arthur opened the door and walked into the night-club. Multi-coloured
disco lights flashed overhead, wisps of smoke drifted lazily through
the darkness, and a mass of couples were shaking their tushes on the
dancefloor. It was just as he had imagined it would be. He'd died
and gone to heaven. Everywhere he looked, his eyes connected with
acres of bare female flesh; each and every one was more lovely than
the last. This really was his lucky night, and with Zeus-well, didn't
every guy give his favourite pet a name?--beside him, he couldn't
fail. Zeus responded, stretching himself out slightly in his
underwear.
It was then that Arthur saw her, the most incredible woman he had ever
seen in his entire life.
He couldn't believe his eyes. Standing not twenty feet away from him
was Barbie Brabuster: nineteen years old, bleached blonde hair, tall,
lithe, tanned, gorgeous, Oscar winning actress and all round Hollywood
sexpot, famed for her classic portrayal of Sofia Semenovna Marmelodov,
in the erotic SM re-make of Dostoevsky's "Crime and Punishment".
With his newly acquired self-confidence he approached her. "Hi, my
name's Arthur. You're Barbie Brabuster, Oscar winning actress and all
round Hollywood sexpot, aren't you? Do you come here often?"
Barbie shot a cursory glance at him, said with distaste. "Drop dead,
creep. I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last man on earth."
No matter, Arthur was unrankled by her dismissive tone. He was
prepared for this. Time to put plan B into action. He dusted himself
down, swept a comb through his greasy hair, and said with the air of
man who spoke the gospel truth:
"Hey, babe, I've got a fourteen inch penis."
Barbie giggled, her enormous breasts jiggling as she did so. "Oh, why
didn't you say so before? Well, in that case..." She ushered him
towards the club door that he had only seconds ago stepped through.
Thank you, God, this what I was born for, thought Arthur, sending a
prayer skywards.
Life had meaning after all.
*****
Soon they were sipping champagne back at Barbie's exclusive, million
dollar penthouse suite. No sooner than had they started to kiss,
Arthur felt the first stirrings of life in his groin. Fired up by the
obvious bulge in Arthur's trousers, Barbie quickly peeled off her
clothes, threw them to the floor, and dragged Arthur to the bedroom.
"Oooohhh," she said in her cutesy drawl, "now let's see this whopper
of yours."
Arthur hastily undressed and stood naked before her. It was true,
just like he'd said--he really did have a fourteen inch penis!
"Oh, baby!" she squealed with delight. "Take me now! Stuff your
monster cock inside me!"
"Get ready for the night of your life, babe! Here it comes!" Arthur
climbed onto the bed, his enormous purple headed penis bouncing up and
down.
Barbie lay before him, looking every inch like the nineteen year old
Hollywood sexpot that she was, the nipples on her basketball sized
breasts now fully erect at two and half inches long. Arthur gazed
down at the gargantuan size of his own appendage, protruding out from
beneath the bulge of his fat stomach. He pushed forward against
Barbie, gasping as the tip of his monster brushed against her. All of
a sudden he felt very peculiar, a little tired even. He sighed as a
pleasant warmth rose throughout his entire body, and he felt himself
start to relax. This was going to be great, the best night of his
life! Just a few more seconds 'til the moment of truth. Then his
vision blurred, grew darker and darker, until...
It was all too much, and he slumped into unconsciousness, felled by
the unceasing demands of the mighty, throbbing love god between his
legs. Dr. Goebbels had promised Arthur a fourteen inch penis,
although he'd never actually said that Arthur would be able to *use*
it.
Barbie prodded Arthur a few times, sighed, then pushed him off of her.
He was now fast asleep by her side, his penis quickly shrinking.
She reached over to the dresser by the bed, put on her glasses and
picked up a dusty tome. "Oh well, guess I'll just have to work on my
thesis tonight."
end.
====================================================================
Arthur J. Puddock -- Love Guru
By Endemoniada
-30-
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