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From: john_dark@anon.nymserver.com
Subject: {MikeHunt}JDR"I Am Mike's Dick A"( MF exhib )[1/2]
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JOHN DARK REPOST
The following story is posted for the entertainment of adults. If you are
below the age of eighteen or are otherwise forbidden to read electronic
erotic fiction in your locality, please delete this message now. The story
codes in the subject line are intended to inform readers of possible areas
that some might find distasteful, but neither the poster nor the author
make any guarantee. You should be aware that the story might raise other
matters that you find distasteful. You read at your own risk.
The enjoyment of these reposts can be increased by reading the "Coming
Attractions," which includes the titles to be reposted in the next week.
These stories have not been written by the person posting them. Many of
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The copyright of this story belongs to the author, and the fact of this
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below. If you keep the story, *PLEASE* keep the copyright disclaimer as
well.
=====================
Dear Readers:
This is the all true story of a short period in my life where I was
involved in the television industry, when someone hired me to produce
a program about sex. Go figure.
I've had to play detective and even filch some stuff from other people's
computers to find all the correspondence, notes, e-mails, etc. that tell
the story, and while I didn't find everything, I've got enough to tell
the whole sordid tale, I think. You decide.
As with all of my writing, you should be over 18 to read it. I don't
know exactly how the TV channel is going to get around having underage
viewers watch the show, but that's not my problem, so I'll let them deal
with it.
They'll probably just flash that little [TV-MA] box in the upper left
corner of the screen when the show starts, and then all the kiddies will
know to turn off the set and go to the basement and play Doctor or
something.
I figure the TV rating system has to be at least as effective as these
disclaimers.
Thanks for reading.
Cordially,
s/M1KE
* * *
=====================
I Am M1ke's Dick
by M1KE HUNT
mrm1ke@aol.com
Section A:
* * *
Dear Mr. Hunt:
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Harry Throckmorton, owner of a small
television production company in Abilene, Texas. We have produced many
television shows for such cable networks as A&E ("Pyramids of Cairo"
and "Pyramids of the Incas"), The Discovery Channel ("Pyramids of London"
and "Pyramids of Abilene"), the Weather Channel ("Pyramids of Ice") and
HGTV ("Pyramids In Your Backyard").
The Public Broadcasting Corporation has commissioned Pyramid Productions
to produce a documentary on male sexuality and reproduction. We're thinking
of calling it "Pyramids of Pleasure", although the title hasn't really
been decided yet.
At any rate, we are in the beginning process of our research, and have
been referred to you as a noted expert in the field of human sexuality.
If you would like to join us in this project, would you please forward
your resume and credentials to me at your earliest convenience?
Thank you for your time.
Cordially,
s/ Harry Throckmorton
* * *
Dear Mr. Throckmorton:
Thank you for your letter and expression of interest.
I don't know where you got my name, (and I would be curious to find
out), but I'm afraid that some of your facts are wrong. I am not an
expert in the field of human sexuality, although I guess I've gotten
more than my fair share of pussy, if you know what I mean.
I am, however, a writer of some note in the sex field, so perhaps that
is how my name fell into your hopper.
Yes, I would be interested in participating in your project, depending
on the terms and conditions, work required, pay schedules, etc. What
I lack of scientific credentials I make up in enthusiasm, and I am
enclosing my resume and other vital statistics so that you may make
an informed decision as to whether I could be of benefit to this
project.
Thank you for your interest.
Sincerely,
x/ M1KE HUNT
* * *
Resume
M1KE HUNT
232 Willow Morton Lane
Wanachunukee Falls, KS 23185
Objective: To secure a role in production of television documentary
Experience:
1971: First sexual experiences with Jimmy Vertis. Discovered pornography.
1972: Felt up Jenny Sue Rhodes on my basement pool table
1974: First blow job from my cousin.
1977: Fucked former high school girlfriend in the ass.
1979: Got a hand job from a nurse while in the hospital.
1982: Helped during a Wet-T-Shirt contest.
1982: Fucked a transvestite in front of the post office.
1983: Screwed a girl just minutes before she got married.
1984: (various) Rented car to college friends so they could get laid.
1984: Returned vacuum cleaner to neighbor. Fucked her.
1985: Short stint as a Lingerie Salesman
1985: Brief romance with neighbor in a Chicago high-rise.
1987: Took dirty pictures of a couple. Fucked the wife.
1987: Fucked the wife again. Husband not around this time.
1988: One night stand in Boston with unnamed married woman.
1990: Got married to June.
1992: Visited June's old college roommate. Fucked her.
1993: Had interracial sex at the O'Stikkit Inn.
1994: Involved in divorce lawsuit. Was discovered fucking a guy's wife.
1995: Artificial insemination experiment with the neighbors.
1996: Two girl gang-bang with identical twins.
1997: Watersports with June in Denver.
1997: Began writing stories.
* * *
Dear Mr. Hunt:
Thank you for your letter and candor. While your resume is interesting,
to say the least, it is not exactly what we expected, and I'm not sure
if it will fit our needs at this time.
I will keep your information on file, and will be in touch in the event
that we can use your services.
Cordially,
s/ Harry Throckmorton
* * *
Dear Mr. Throckmorton:
I was disappointed in your response, but understand completely. I'm
sure that for a documentary on Public Television you will need to have
consultants with academic credentials and big sounding titles, even if
they have no fucking clue what sex is like out in the real world.
I remind you that I am a writer, and might be of value when you are
trying to make such intellectual and arcane information accessible to
the general public. I have "real world" experience, and have been told
that I write at about a 3rd grade level. Most people have completed at
least that much education, so I believe I am quite qualified.
Hoping to hear from you,
s/ M1KE HUNT
* * *
memo to: Harry Throckmorton
from: John Tyler - CPB
Harry:
Have you had any luck in enlisting M1KE HUNT for the project?
John
* * *
memo to: John Tyler, PBS
from: Harry Throckmorton
John:
I've contacted him, but he has no credentials at all. I'm looking for
someone who's recognized in the field, and certainly who has more
experience in the television industry.
Harry
* * *
memo to: Harry Throckmorton
from: John Tyler - CPB
I gave you M1KE's name because I think he'd be helpful to the project.
He *is* a writer, and he has a ton of experience with sex. You can find
all the "experts" you want and interview them and include as much or
as little of them in the program as you deem necessary.
I wish you'd take another look at M1KE.
And I wish you'd take another look at our contract. I work for the
Corporation for Public Broadcasting, not PBS. It's just politics, but
it's important to note the difference.
John
* * *
memo to: John Tyler - CPB
from: Harry Throckmorton
Thanks for the note. I have M1KE's credentials on hand and I've talked
it over with the staff here, and we're just not sure how he fits in.
He has done *no* writing for television, he has no academic background
to speak of, and he barely writes a literate letter. I don't mean to
argue with you, John, but you've commissioned my company to produce this
documentary and so far, at least, he simply doesn't fit the "vision"
that I have for the program.
I'll keep looking, though.
Harry
* * *
memo to: Harry Throckmorton
from: John Tyler - CPB
Harry:
I decide how to allocate over $6 million dollars a year in Public
Television production funds. I decided to entrust you with $400,000
to produce this documentary. I know that crap you do for the cable
networks comes in at about $125,000 per.
There is enough money here to put the guy on the payroll and see if
he produces something.
I happen to like M1KE HUNT's work. Have you read any of his stories?
He has a style that's not often found when writing about sex, and I think
it could add a flavor that could set this project apart. Some people
think his work is quite sophomoric, but I'd say that's an overestimation,
frankly. Still, he has a different viewpoint. Why don't you decide for
yourself? Visit his website at http://members.aol.com/mrm1ke and see
what you think.
John
* * *
interoffice e-mail to Sally Wiggins
I just got a pretty strong letter from John Tyler about hiring this
HUNT guy. On his advice I also visited HUNT's website and read a couple
of his stories. Talk about LAME!
Do me a favor, go to the site (http://members.aol.com/mrm1ke) and read
a couple yourself and let me know what you think, OK? Maybe I'm crazy.
Harry
* * *
interoffice e-mail to Harry Throckmorton
OK, I read a couple of the stories. LAME doesn't begin to describe it.
Can't imagine what John is thinking.
Sally
* * *
memo to: John Tyler - CPB
from: Harry Throckmorton
John, I've had a couple of people here check out M1KE HUNT, and we just
don't see the need or how he might contribute.
You've entrusted us to produce a documentary worthy of the vaunted reputation
of Public Broadcasting, and we *will* deliver. I am sending under separate
cover a "first look" at our script. I've put in the names of some of
the experts who have agreed to participate; you'll notice a lot of Ph.D.'s
and medical types. We've even made contact with a couple of "porn" stars,
which we think will add a titillating edge to the project. We'll handle
it with good taste, of course.
Let me know what you think.
Harry
* * *
memo to: Harry Throckmorton
from: John Tyler
. Senior Vice President
. Corporation for Public Broadcasting
I'm going to say this slowly and pronounce each syllable so you understand.
Hire the guy or I'll rip up your shitty little contract and you can
go back to doing Pyramids of Mashed Potato shows for the Food Network.
I wouldn't have even thrown this project your way except you convinced
that schmuck at BBD&O to hire my daughter. Now DO IT.
John
* * *
Dear M1KE:
I apologize for the delay in getting back to you. It's been hectic around
here, and I've barely had a moment to talk to the staff, much less keep
up with correspondence.
Good news! We're working up the production schedule on the doc and have
what we think is a marvelous opportunity for you. If you're still interested,
please let me know.
To try to keep this simple, I'd propose we hire you as a freelance writer
for 3 months, at $500 per month. Any work you produce during that time,
of course, is the proprietary property of Pyramid Productions, to use
or not use as we deem appropriate.
At the end of that period, we will either retain you for another 3 months
during actual production at a rate of $750 per month, or pay you a "kill"
fee of $1000 and sever our relationship.
If these terms meet your approval, please sign and return one copy of
this letter of agreement for my files.
Cordially,
s/ Harry Throckmorton
* * *
interoffice e-mail to Sally Wiggins
Sorry to do this to you, but John is fucking forcing me to hire this
HUNT guy. I gave him a *low-ball* offer hoping that he won't take it,
but if he does, we're stuck. You have to find something for him to do.
Try to figure out something where he can play where he won't get in
the way, OK?
Sorry again. It's just politics.
Harry
* * *
interoffice e-mail to: Harry Throckmorton
Thanks for the pain-in-the-ass. I know it's not your fault, but like
we have to babysit some idiot friend of John's.
How about we have him do a "The Making Of..." instead of working on
the actual project? That way he's not involved in the doc at all, and
whatever he gives us we can just deep-six and say "it didn't work."
Sally
* * *
interoffice e-mail to: Sally Wiggins
Brilliant! I'll let you know if he decides to take it.
Oh, and I don't think he's a friend of John's. John just likes his
stories or something. You believe that????
Harry
* * *
Dear Harry:
Thank you for the offer, it's more generous than I imagined! I'd be
thrilled to participate.
You didn't outline exactly what my responsibilities would be, however,
and if you could give me a brief outline of just what you envision my
role to be, I'd be most appreciative. The creative juices are already
starting to flow. Can't wait!
The signed letter of agreement is attached.
Appreciatively,
s/ M1KE HUNT
* * *
interoffice e-mail to: Sally Wiggins
Sal. Got the letter from M1KE HUNT. He took it. Sorry. He even said
"the creative juices are starting to flow." Oh, brother!
As much as I hate to do it, he's your problem now. I guess that's why
you get the BIG BUCKS. Ha ha ha.
Take him off my hands, get him started, leave him alone. Wish I had
better news, but that's life, I guess.
Harry
* * *
interoffice e-mail to: Harry Throckmorton
Thanks for nothing. Will do. I deserve a raise.
Sally
* * *
Dear Mr. Hunt:
Harry Throckmorton just gave me the good news! I can't wait to begin
working with you. I've even read two of your stories and found them
mildly amusing!
Harry and I had a little conversation in the hall and he mentioned that
you were wondering just what you'd be doing. Good question. I like that.
Shows that you're on the ball.
We pretty much have the actual doc scoped out, and I'm in charge of
the production on that. What we thought would be just terrific is to
have a "Making Of..." documentary going on at the same time. It would
be sort of a "camera behind the camera" angle on how the show is produced.
That way PBS can use it in a separate time slot to promote the actual
show, and perhaps run it immediately following the program for viewers
who are curious about how a program such as this gets produced.
Since I'll be tied up with the production of the show itself, you'll
have unusual freedom to work. In fact, it won't be necessary for you
to get approval for your ideas, your thoughts, or anything really.
I should note that any expenditure over $25 must be approved in advance,
but other than that, you're pretty much on your own! That's rare in the
television industry, but these "once in a lifetime" chances don't come
along too often, so I'd grab it if I were you. Actually, I envy you.
Anything I do has to be approved by Harry, then by the guy from PBS who's
hired us, then by some committee of whoever somewhere. It's all politics,
but I guess it's part of the game!
Welcome aboard. There's no need for you to correspond with me further.
As I say, you have total creative freedom here.
Sincerely,
s/ Sally Wiggins
* * *
Dear Sally:
Thanks for the letter and the exciting opportunity! I know you said
I don't need to correspond with you further, but I do need a little help
getting started.
For instance, since I have no experience in the television field, how
do I prepare a budget? For that matter, how do I write a script? Isn't
there supposed to be a director involved? How many cameras do you think
the "Making Of..." project will take?
I have a thousand questions, and a little preliminary direction would
be helpful. And by the way, you've been hard to find for the past few
days. Maybe you should have someone check out your voice mail, because
I think it might be dropping some messages!
Thanks again. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Cordially,
s/ M1KE HUNT
* * *
Dear M1KE:
Of course you have questions. Perfectly legitimate. I didn't mean to
imply that you shouldn't communicate with me, only that it wasn't necessary.
However, since I'm going to be so busy with the production, I'm probably
not the best person to deal with on a day-to-day basis. I'm going to
hand you off to one of our Production Assistants, Lori Walker, who has
more free time and should be able to assist you. Lori just graduated
from Carver Technical, and did an internship at Channel 6 here in Abilene,
so she's very qualified to answer any of your questions.
Please direct your future correspondence to her.
Cordially,
s/ Sally Wiggins
* * *
interoffice e-mail to Lori Walker
A guy named M1KE HUNT will probably be calling you or writing you. Harry
has hired him to do a little "behind the scenes" story on the new doc
we're working on.
I don't have the time to deal with him, so he ends up in your lap. He'll
probably have a bunch of really elementary questions, but I'd appreciate
it if you would hold his hand and help him along as necessary.
He's a friend of some bigwig, or something, so treat him well, but don't
let him get in the way of your own job, OK? And don't let him spend any
money. He's a writer. All he needs is some paper and maybe a little
telephone expense.
Sally
* * *
interoffice e-mail to Sally Wiggins:
OK. M1KE HUNT. Funny name. I'll wait for his call.
Lori
* * *
RING. RING. RING.
"Lori Walker."
"Hi, my name is M1KE HUNT, and..."
"Oh hi. I've been expecting your call."
"Oh good. Hey, do you mind if I record this? I have one of those little
suction cup recorder thingies and it saves me from having to write everything
down while I'm talking. Sometimes I mess up my notes. Heck, I can barely
walk and chew gum at the same time."
"No, sure, go ahead."
"Thanks. I have a thousand questions, and Sally wrote to me and said
you were the person to talk to."
"I'll do my best."
"Great. First, uh, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, exactly. They
want a "The Making Of..." thing, so I guess I need to know what it is
you're making. I'll need a script, or whatever you call it. And I guess
a production schedule. Those would get me started, at least. And then
I'll need some help figuring out how to make my own script about your
script. And budgeting. And, like, how many cameras to use, and how much
that costs, and who to hire, and...
"OK. Let's get started at the beginning, OK? I'll send you the script
as it exists today. It'll probably change here and there, but it'll point
you in the right direction. Of course you won't know what the "experts"
are going to say, because we haven't interviewed them yet. But we know
what we're going to ask, and we've done enough research on them to know
kind of what they'll answer, so it should be close."
"I see."
"But you should know that sometimes an interview goes badly, or the
guy looks like a nerd and we won't end up using the interview at all.
So like I say, it all could change."
"I see."
"And as for budgeting, well, I can help you with that. A camera operator
gets...
\ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
"Wow, I can't believe we've been on the phone for an hour, but my cassette
just popped up! Anyway, I guess that's enough for now. Thanks! I'm sure
I'll have more questions. I'll probably think of a couple right after
I hang up! So I'll call, but I'll try not to be a pest, OK?
"No problem. Glad to help."
CLICK.
=====================
I Am M1ke's Dick
by M1KE HUNT
Section A
-30-
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