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From: <Celeste801@aol.com>
Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 290- June 24
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Celestial Reviews 290 - June 24, 1998
Note: A fellow was passing a house with a little red light burning in front,
and so he stepped inside. There was nothing in sight except an empty, bare
hallway with 2 doors, reading "Over 35" and "Under 35".
He decided to be truthful and entered the door that said "Over 35." He found
himself in another empty hallway, this one with 2 doors that read, "Over 8
inches" and "Under 8 inches."
Truthful again, he went through the "Under 8 inches" door and found himself in
another empty hall, with 2 more doors reading, "Once a night" and "More than
once a night".
Still wanting to be truthful, he entered the door marked "Once a night" and
found himself back out on the street.
The moral of this story is, "If you always tell the truth, you'll never get
screwed".
Second note: Watch out for the Viagra Virus. It turns your 3.5 inch floppy
into a hard disk.
Third note: The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable
words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, teacher! Oh, me, me!"
The teacher smiles and says, "All right, Johnny, what is your multi-syllable
word?"
Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate."
The teacher is taken aback, but she manages to smile and says, "Wow, Johnny,
that's a mouthful."
Little Johnny says, "No, m'am, you're thinking of a blowjob. I'm talking about
jerking off."
Fourth note: A lot of my guest reviewers seem to be taking well-deserved
vacations. If there are good guest reviewers out there whom I have been
neglecting, I would be happy to hear from you.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Closing Pandora's Box" by Stephanie (sci fi TG sex story) 8, 8, 8
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12017.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12016.txt
--
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349943379
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=361044798
"I Wonder" by Poison Ivan (prose poem) 10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12265.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363593714
"Dilton's Chemical Reaction" by DudleyDoright (comic book parody)
8, 5, 4
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364114792
"Home Improvement - Tim Discovers True Manhood" by Phil
Phantom (sitcom parody) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363934012 (1)
"3rd Rock From The Sun - Sally Learns Her Lesson" by Kristen
(sitcom parody) 9, 7, 7
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12367.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364532851
Guest Reviews:
"Descent of a Woman" by Kim (island orgy) 10, 9, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/11520.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355958865
"Good Fences Make Good Neighbors," by Phil Phantom (bdsm)
8, 8, 7
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363934199 (1)
"June 10 1998" by Jim Keigel (sexual diary) 10, 9, 9
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12063.txt
--
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=361712445
"Heat" by E.Z. Riter (friendly sex) 10, 9, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/11632.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357058784
"Further Down the Isle" by Frenchy the Third (sexual relationships)
9, 9, 9
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12310.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364287544
"Demon Heat" by Peter Anselmo (Vampire Sex) 10, 10, 8
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12247.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363587420
Reposted Reviews:
* "Not Blackmailed" by Tigger (mild bdsm) 10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12369.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364532859
* "Happily Ever After" by losgud (sexy in-law) 8, 8, 9
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12362.txt (1)
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309642708
* "Hush" by Brother Cadfael (evening of romance) 9, 8, 8
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12324.txt (1)
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364287650 (1)
* "Breakfast of Champions" by Singnfool (wake-up call) 10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=333183874
* "Hell Hath No Fury" by Satan Penguin (Utopian comic book
sex) 10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=191942998
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=191939420
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=189569502
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=189528714
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=201372936
* "Home Improvement: Jill's Story" by Ann Douglas. (f/f
celebrity sex) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309994411
* "Grey" by Lysander (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12408.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12410.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12409.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364866905
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364866911
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364866917
========================
On this day in Celestial History
Celestial Reviews 94 - June 26, 1996
========================
* "Yang Reception" by Wollstonecraft (ritualistic orgies) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=273658537 (1)
* "A Supergirl Arises From The Abyss" by Tooshoes
(sci fi romance) 10, 9, 9.5
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=361039443
* "Test Ride" by Joe Parsons (motorcycle sex) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352910427
* "American Airlines Cockpit" by Mary Anne Mohanraj
(mile high sex) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=279959548 (1)
* "Scarlett's Cove" by Ann Douglas (hot lesbian romance) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=260676594 (1)
(1) Repost not by original author
(*) Reposted review.
"Closing Pandora's Box" by Stephanie (stephanie@nym.alias.net)
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12017.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12016.txt
--
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349943379
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=361044798
Stephanie's web site is at http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/2525/.
Alan Carter is a scientist who has been developing "nonomechanics," a branch
of science or engineering that will save the human race through genetic
mutations of some sort. As inevitably happens with all great inventions, a
True Bastard gains control and perverts the invention to his personal
aggrandizement. In this case Alan's boss is going to gain control of a major
part of the world by putting himself into bodies that look like other people
and changing the gender of people around him. It's more complicated than that
- it involves blackmail; but I can't explain it all here. Just take my word,
Alan's boss is a serious threat to the very future of humankind.
{Speaking of assholes - Did you hear about the guy who walked into a bar in
Texas and shouted, "All lawyers are assholes!" "I resent that remark!" shouted
a big, ugly cowboy, who stood up and glared at the first guy. "Why?" said the
first guy. "Are you a lawyer?" "No," replied the cowboy. "I'm an asshole!"}
So anyway, Alan has been instructed to do something evil to Senator Hamilton,
a harmless wretch who is responsible for major decisions affecting the United
States. To keep Alan in line, his boss has left him with two large breasts,
presumably to keep Alan from going public. Alan responds by doing what most
people would do in this situation: he masturbates with his new tits. No,
that's not true. Alan plants a virus in the computer system, but his boss is
a formidable foe; and soon Alan is struggling for his very survival.
What the author fails to explain is why Alan doesn't simply apply the John
Wayne Solution: "Sorry, Pilgrim <bang!>"
Instead, Alan's boss turns him into a sexy, voluptuous, blonde! Then the boss
fucks Alan silly all night and in the morning goes off to begin his conquest
of the world. You'll have to read the story to see what Alan does to solve
his/her problems.
Although the ending is ingenious, this doesn't rank with Stephanie's best
stories. It's still a good story - just not excellent. My advice is that
Stephanie should get back to the drawing board and finish "It's Hard to be a
Man," so that she can devote her full attention to "DNA III."
Ratings for "Closing Pandora's Box"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"I Wonder" by Poison Ivan (poisoniv1@hotmail.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12265.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363593714
I don't think my husband reads my reviews, but I'm going to find out pretty
soon if I'm wrong. That's because I'm going to talk about him in this review.
In this story the author describes the mental state of a man wondering how his
lover will relate to him. I have never come very close to feeling this man's
emotions myself, but apparently I have personally been the cause of almost an
identical set of reactions within the mind and heart of my husband. His
tensions were even more severe, as he told me later: apparently I rejected him
{in his mind's eye} six or seven times after he dialed the sixth digit of my
phone number when he was calling me for our first date. He got that far and
hung up six times! I had no idea that he was so overcome with anxiety -
although I really wasn't sure whether I had a date with him or not by the time
he did reach me and our conversation ended.
Our first phone conversation after that first date was even more inspiring.
He lacked telephone skills. After we had talked for quite a while and he
obviously couldn't find a way to end the conversation, I said, "We really
should end this conversation soon. Sum things up." He replied, "Omigod, what
is it?" Ya see, the nun who taught English and told me that the right way to
end a telephone conversation was to summarize the key elements of the
conversation hadn't realized that the potential sex partner might hear me
saying, "Something's up!"
He's done all right, though. Our relationship is kind of like an Uther
Pendragon story with the roles reversed.
And my husband was barely trying to get to first base! The guy in this story
is rapidly approaching third base, ready to head for home plate. Oddly
enough, the author uses the word "base," but not in reference to either a
baseball sex metaphor or a penile location. However, he uses "diddle" about
the way you'd expect.
Actually, the guy in this story is more eager than anxious. This story is
best described as a non-verse poem about a man's hopes and aspirations as he
looks forward to his tryst with his lady love. It's excellent reading.
Ratings for "I Wonder"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Dilton's Chemical Reaction" by DudleyDoright (Doright@truenorthstrong.free).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364114792
I don't know how to tell you this, but that little dweeb Dilton from the
Archie Comic Strip has a ten-incher with a 3.5 inch diameter. When you
evaluate the preceding statement, please keep in mind that a standard softball
like the ones they use in the Olympics has a diameter of 3.8 inches.
Anyway, Midge catches Dilton diddling his deadly, densely diametered dick and
immediately wants to be his new friend. This is likely to upset Moose,
Midge's moronic manfriend; but Dilly's IQ apparently goes south when his
pecker goes north, and he plunges in <so to speak> without fear of
consequences.
I would suspect that this story was written by a sixth-grader, but I know they
aren't allowed on this newsgroup. This is really a pretty lame story. My
advice to the author is to try being a bit more creative the next time. My
advice to readers is if you want to read about Archie's sexy adventures, try
"Hell Hath No Fury" by Satan Penguin. That story's not perfect, but it's a
lot better than this one. I'll repost the review, and maybe someone will
repost that story.
Ratings for "Dilton's Chemical Reaction"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
"Home Improvement - Tim Discovers True Manhood" by Phil Phantom (reposted by
Hawaiian Heat).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363934012 (1)
"Hidie ho, neighbor lady Jill," says Wilson shortly before he slips his
immense pecker through a hole in the fence. Jill is seeking relief after
getting all hot and bothered by her experience of catching the boys having sex
with one another.
Later Tim seeks advice from his neighbor, he gives Wilson's aphorisms his
customary twist after proving his manhood to Jill: "A good, secure man
understands his woman's needs. Get bigger ones {cucumbers for masturbation}
if you want. You know, Sparticus used to give eels to his Greek women. That
Sparticus, now that was a man's man. Aaarrrghh, Aaarrrghh, Aaarrrghh!" To
find out what Wilson actually said, you'll have to read the story.
The real value of a good parody / sex story is that it's possible to imagine
the "real" characters doing what the story describes; and this story certainly
accomplishes that task.
Even with the omission of that lovely young lass with the nice ass who carries
tools for Tim and Al, this has to be one of the most creative parodies of
"Home Improvement" that I have ever seen. Wait a minute - I forgot about Ann
Douglas's tale of Jill's infatuation with Heidi, the young lady from the
preceding sentence. Comparing the two, I'd have to say that I liked Ann's
version better as a sex story, but Mr. Phantom gets the nod on the strength of
his parody. I mean, this one really did have the tone of an actual "Home
Improvement" episode.
In addition, an author named Jay-P has written several parodies of "Home
Improvement," but none approaching the quality of the two I cited in the
preceding paragraph. Uncle Mike has also done a "Home Improvement" parody,
but I felt it was not one of his best.
Ratings for "Tim Discovers True Manhood"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"3rd Rock From The Sun - Sally Learns Her Lesson" by Kristen
(kristen78@aol.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12367.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364532851
In this parody of "Third Rock from the Sun" Dr. Solomon watches Sally
masturbate and then fucks her. They both like it. That's about it.
The advantage of this story is that it enables us to put real people with the
words, and so we can imagine two people from the television show getting it on
together. The downside is that there is so much more subtlety to the show
that this story does not take advantage of.
Ratings for "Sally Learns Her Lesson"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Descent of a Woman" by Kim (Ghost@nym.alias.net). Guest review by Bronwen
(bronwen@anon.nymserver.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/11520.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355958865
This is a late review, all my fault. Sorry. OTOH, such eons have elapsed that
Kim will surely now repost the story, which can only be a good thing. What an
enjoyable piece....
This is another of the stories written for Malinov's Island, a site created by
the marvelous (and prolific) author, Lord Malinov.
For those not familiar with the idea, the ball was set rolling by a story from
DG in which all the regular authors from ASS/ASSM set off on an erotic writers
cruise and were shipwrecked, ending up on Malinov's tropical island. Lots of
other authors wrote connected stories. Anyone is more than welcome to submit
stories related to this scenario - check the site out at
http://www.gslink.com/~dcain/xanadu/erotica/island/
My first impressions of "Descent of a Woman" weren't so good. The first little
section seems frankly a bit superfluous. Not entirely connected with the main
thrust, if you'll forgive the pun. <grin> But maybe (probably?) I'm missing
something.
However once our heroine arrives on the island the story takes off big time.
What fun! It's not fair to give away much plot, save that it's weird and
wonderful. Dazzling creativity. Piles of mythological allusions and a few
really good jokes.
This is one of Kim's best stories yet. There's not a lot of sex, but I found
what there was memorably erotic. Read it for yourself.
Ratings for "Descent of a Woman"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Bronwen (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Good Fences Make Good Neighbors," by Phil Phantom (contact via
mrdouble@mrdouble.com) (F/F/f, slavery, inc, pedo) 8, 8, 7. Guest Review by
R'khaan (rkhaan@ix.netcom.com)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363934199 (1)
This is the first story I've read from this author, and I don't know much
about him. However, I like the way he gets you right to the action.
We have Gena, a married woman, thirtysomething, with four boys of varying
ages. On the other side of the fence, we have Sue, recently divorced, with an
eleven-year-old named Cathy. Phil starts his story with Gena bringing Sue a
"divorce gift." Sue and Gena aren't exactly friendly neighbors but Sue
accepts the gift just the same, suddenly feeling the need for female
companionship. However, Sue's in for a surprise as she opens the box and
finds a "do it yourself" kit for girls, complete with BenWa balls and butt
plug. Sue's a little slow closing the box, only managing to do so after young
Cathy has seen the contents. Sue's reluctant to discuss the contents with
Cathy; however, Gena intervenes and manages to convince Sue to allow her to
explain the items to Cathy.
Phil goes off at this point in the story as Gena engages in a very graphic
discussion with Cathy who shocks her mother with some pretty saucy knowledge,
admitting that she had seen Gena and her husband John doing the horizontal
bop. If this wasn't enough, Sue then learns that her little girl has been
eating Gena's snatch after fucking John and, from there, all hell breaks loose
as Gena begins using the toys meant for Sue on Cathy, who's down for the whole
deal.
While Cathy's enjoying herself with her mom's toys, Gena takes Sue over to one
side and sucker punches her by announcing that she and John are child
molesters. If this wasn't enough, Gena has the balls to announce that they
want to make Cathy their love slave and that Sue will go along with it --or
else. After some girl/girl stuff with Cathy, Sue decides that she's going to
play the game - but not as Gena thinks. Sue puts up some token resistance
before turning her daughter - and herself - over to Gena and her crew, who are
out back tearing down the fence between their homes.
Throughout the entire story, you keep from getting the impression that Sue,
the poor deluded, horny thing, is both repulsed and excited by all of this.
There's a lot of pussy-licking, cum-sucking, butt fucking action. Sue even
seems to be submissive when caves in to Cathy's demands that her mother eats
her pussy - but won't return the favor.
And I thought kids were taught to share… This story was relatively well
written despite some obvious spelling errors.
Ratings for "Good Fences Make Good Neighbors"
R'khaan (technical quality): 8
R'khaan (plot & character): 8
R'khaan (appeal to reviewer): 7
"June 10 1998" by Jim Keigel (jimkeigel@hotmail.com). Review by Nick (e-mail
nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12063.txt
--
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=361712445
{Note: If you enjoy this story, you can find a new segment posted each week,
clearly labeled in a.s.s. and a.s.s.m.}
This story is part of a series of stories, none of which I had read before
doing this review. From the preamble, it seems that the author intends to set
up a website with a series of similar stories.
The story itself has little in the way of plot, but I don't think that is the
intention. It consists of a description of a guy and a girl just doing what
comes naturally, nothing more. No message, no pretensions, which is fine.
There is minimal build-up. The "hero" goes to a bar with a couple of friends,
which is full of young women. He selects one of these and they have sex
together. It doesn't dwell on huge pricks or tits, but rather techniques and
pleasure.
I found it rather like browsing through Penthouse - quite pleasant, but not
much depth. That isn't to detract from the writer or people who would enjoy it
more, it's just my personal preference. I expect, however, that a pretty
substantial fan club will be built up for more of the same kind of thing, and
I wish the author luck with his website.
My own ratings for this are:
Technique 8 - I lost concentration and found myself rereading bits.
Plot/character/erotic content 8 - I don't see it setting the world
alight, but it was OK.
Appeal to me 6 - I personally would not have read it all the way
through if I wasn't reviewing it.
Adjusted Celestial Ratings for "JUNE 10 1998"
Athena (Technique) - 10
Venus (Plot/Character) - 9
Appeal (General) - 9
"Heat" by E.Z. Riter (ezriter@hotmail.com). Review by Sven the Elder, who may
be contacted at Sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk.
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/11632.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357058784
This is a story of a hot, erotic, passionate dalliance between two lovers. It
is a very well written sketch. A short piece, its use of effective language
is excellent. Initially I found the use of Śhim1 slightly distracting.
However, I am notorious for reading very quickly and found that a short
Śrewind1 and a slower appraisal solved the problem. I can envisage that if
this were read as a shared experience between two good friends, the friendship
might well move to explore new limits before the 'experience' were concluded.
Ez tells us this is a tale that he found on his hard disk - EZ - please look
for any more that might be lurking there. I certainly enjoyed this piece.
Ratings for "Heat"
Athena (technical quality): 10 - Excellent
Venus (plot & character): 9 - Tight, concise, might have been a
little more developed
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 10 - Has been added to my personal
collection.
"Further Down the Isle" by Frenchy the Third (frenchyiii@hotmail.com).
Guest review by Bitbard (formerly Sandman -- bitbard@newsguy.com)
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12310.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364287544
This story is a continuation of ""Down the Aisle". Although I have never read
the previous story, the Author included a short synopsis of what has come
before. Mostly this involves a lot of rules a woman agrees to before she gets
married. The rules seemed a bit one-sided in the guy's favor, and indeed this
story begins a few years down the road when the wife simply isn't having much
fun. (Maybe she should have insisted on a few rules of her own!)
It turns out I wasn't the only one thinking this! Apparently Twany's (the
wife) bridesmaid, Wendy, has fallen on hard times and has to move in for a
while. Wendy dresses the husband down for ignoring Twany's needs in the
relationship. And the husband finds out it's not a great hardship to show some
consideration. In fact, it's quite fun actually.
And it turns out living with two women is no great hardship at all. In fact,
one could even envy the guy. This was a rather well written sexcapade that had
some nice things to say about relationships and making sure everyone has fun.
Ratings for "Further Down the Isle"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Bitbard (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Demon Heat" by Peter Anselmo -- posted by Odile Santiago
(specpress@earthlink.net). Guest review by BitBard (bitbard@newsguy.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12247.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363587420
I have often said, and rightly believe, that many stories one can find in the
alt.sex.stories hierarchy equal and in many cases surpass what one can pay for
at the corner bookstore and not just in their value as erotica. The better
stories here in addition to speaking to the baser instincts also speak of the
human condition. It is, however, one thing to believe something and quite
another thing to know.
"Demon Heat" is an excerpt from a book published by Spectrum Press. This is a
form of spam that will allow the potential buyer to decide if the story is
worth paying money for. Unlike genuine spam, this excerpt is on topic; and
advertisement or not, excerpt or not, this bauble is erotic enough to more
than justify its publication in these groups.
After a bumpy entrance (This is an excerpt remember, as such it takes a little
effort to catch up with the story.) we discover that Magda is a female vampire
who has taken a male victim (only he doesn't exactly feel like a victim).
Like all vampires she thrives on the bodily fluids of her victim and like all
EROTIC vampires she needs a little more than blood to sate her appetite.
So here is an excerpt from a story deemed worthy enough for publication. It
is good. Very good in fact. The settings, backgrounds, and tone of the story
were very well executed. As stroke material goes, the snippet is very
intense.
This excerpt is professionally written and professionally polished by a
professional editor, and it shows. This is a quality piece of writing from
start to finish. Yet in the end I do believe it validates my beliefs that the
non-commercial fiction in alt.sex.stories is indeed on par with what one can
find in professional print.
Athena (technical quality): 10 -- Flawless
Venus (plot & character): 10 -- Erotica/character, not plot.
Bitbard (appeal to reviewer): 8 -- I prefer beginnings and endings.
* "Not Blackmailed" by Tigger (tigger@alices.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12369.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364532859
The protagonist is an author for a newsgroup like this one. He is
inexperienced sexually, but he has an active imagination and has written
several good stories dealing with benign bdsm. That is, he doesn't like
stories in which the domme sends the male screaming into the night, never to
return. Occasionally he finishes his stories at the office, and one day he
accidentally lets his boss find one of his stories on his computer screen. It
turns out that she is a fan of his writing on the newsgroup, and they make
plans to give him some practical experience.
This is a very good story. There's not much explicit sex in it, but the plot
does a good job of integrating bdsm with an office environment that involves
no exploitation.
Ratings for "Not Blackmailed"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Happily Ever After" by losgud (losgud@hotmail.com). Guest review by Mark
Aster.
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12362.txt (1)
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309642708
Normal male, sexy sister-in-law staying over until she can find an apartment
of her own, a strapless halter blouse, soft melting breasts, sighs, moans...
The wife walks in on them at a crucial juncture (there's a pun hiding there),
and stuff happens. The author says "I misplaced the pretense of plot and
character development with this one", and that's mostly true; this is mostly
straight and joyous fucking, with not much in the way of tension or teasing.
The plot could have been milked for a slower and more reluctant and sexier
buildup, but hey there's nothing wrong with straightforward coupling now and
then, especially when everyone's having such a good time.
There are some stylistic roughnesses here, although I have a hard time
describing them helpfully. The author is literate, more literate than the
average a.s.s.* poster, but something... Here's a passage:
>The way my dancing tongue made the whole area quiver made
>me want to keep on doing just that. But eventually I stopped.
>I stopped to do you know what. I pulled down her panties with
>the long slow touch, the public unveiling of the modern savior.
It's not BAD. I don't think. Maybe it's just idiosyncratic. Maybe I'd come
to love it by the end of the eighth or tenth story. But it was distracting
the first time through this one somehow. There's no obvious antecedent for
"just that", maybe? The "you know what" is sort of odd because we don't know
exactly what? "public unveiling of the modern savior" just barely fails to
make sense to me?
But anyway! This is getting to be more of an analysis than a review, and this
is the wrong venue for that. This is a story worth reading, short and sweet,
considerable hot and sticky sex, nice breasts, nipples, lips, orgasms, and
even just a hint of plot...
I'll try to actually do numbers this time:
Athena: 8 (two points for the oddities of diction)
Venus: 8 (well, there ISN'T much plot and character)
Mark: 9 (a pretty yummy story; it's hard to get a 10 out of me,
even when I'm trying to use the numbers about like Celeste does!)
* "Hush" by Brother Cadfael (Cadfael@earthcorp.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12324.txt (1)
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364287650 (1)
As the author's synopsis says, a man meets a deaf woman at the film
development store and finds his knowledge of sign language finally to be of
use. He brings her home with him and makes tender love to her. This is a
very nice story, but it's not complete: there's too little development and
too many questions are left unanswered.
Ratings for "Hush"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Breakfast of Champions" by Singnfool (Singnfool2@aol.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=333183874
For those of you who live far from General Mills, I'll point out that the
Breakfast of Champions is Wheaties. For those of us who rarely ingest liquor,
I'll point out that "Breakfast of Champions!" is often a sort of clever quasi-
toast uttered by drinkers before they gulp down a martini or whatever it is
they are drinking. In the present story the term refers to the ingestion of a
thicker substance shortly after a comely lass has been tenderly and
ecstatically awakened from a peaceful repose by her lover.
This is a very short but very good little story.
Ratings for "Breakfast of Champions"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Hell Hath No Fury" by Satan Penguin (spenguin@freenet.edmonton.ab.ca).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=191942998
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=191939420
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=189569502
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=189528714
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=201372936
Shakespeare based most of his plays on the tales and legends with which his
audiences were already familiar. To accomplish this, he must have had a
prodigious knowledge of the classics and of folk legends. The present author
likewise bases this story on information with which he expects his audience to
be familiar. In other words, he displays a prodigious knowledge of the Archie
series of comic books and newspaper cartoons.
Stan, the protagonist of this story, comes from a planet called Elad-Revir,
H'trae. This planet is a close parallel to earth, and the city is closely
parallel to Riverdale, the home of Archie, Veronica, Betty, Jughead, and their
comic book friends. If you haven't made the association yet, you may want to
read Elad-Revir, H'trae backwards and see if you can notice its relationship
to Riverdale, Earth. If you can see no connection, you are not smart enough
to read this story.
This could be described as a Utopian - or anti-Utopian - story. It combines
comic book characters with a focus on adolescent sex to deal with concepts
that Orwell dealt with in "1984 "and Skinner dealt with in "Walden II": what
is the best way to run a perfect society - to get individuals to contribute
willingly to the good of the greater society? Stan is the quintessential
Renaissance man, modern scientist and engineer, and sexual aficionado all
rolled up into one. He's almost too good to be true- which is OK, because,
after all, this is a comic book episode.
As I neared the completion of Chapter IV (which is all there is right now), I
paused and pondered the title. I had assumed it was excerpted from the
expression "Health hath no fury like a woman scorned." But no woman had been
scorned, and the prospects for scorning were low. Maybe the title was a
simple description of the lack of overt hostility in hell. The Church Lady
would certainly notice that Stan himself was one vowel short of Satan; could
that be relevant?
I really don't know where the story is going. There are numerous unresolved
subplots - none of which have any apparent relation to hell or its fury.
Reggie has been plotting to seize a share of Stan's wealth. One of the sex
slaves is developing a genuine (non-slavelike) attraction for Stan. Sabrina
is trying to integrate her witch essence with her human existence. Veronica
and Betty have discovered the joys of hedonistic sex with each other and with
other lovely ladies. All the members of the gang (especially the genius
Dilbert) have started getting in a little over their heads with sex with sex;
and who knows what to make of the lovely ladies whom Stan has so adeptly
trained to service himself and his friends? And there's much more. I am
impressed with the overall quality of the writing and with the attempt to
merge the consistent Archie story line with more complex sexual idea, but I am
also a bit disappointed that I have read this far and don't yet know where the
story is going. I guess I'll have to wait and see what happens next. Its
sort of like reading the funny pages!
Ratings for "Hell Hath No Fury"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Home Improvement : Jill's Story" by Ann Douglas
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309994411
Have you ever noticed that winsome lass named Heidi who appears as the
assistant on the the Tool Time shows on Home Improvement? I'll bet you
thought she was longing to get it on with Tim or Al or Wilson or maybe one of
the kids. Wrong!! In this story, she has passionate sex with Jill. As I've
said before, I enjoy good celebrity sex stories, because they permit me to
imagine real people behind the activities - even though those real people are
fictional people. This story doesn't need a lengthy review. If you'd like to
read about Heidi and Jill making tender love to one another, take a look at
this story.
After I first posted this review, I received a letter of reprimand from a
person who was a much more avid fan of the show than I am. While admitting
that the sex was good in this story, he vehemently argued that Jill did not
correspond at all to the television character. Read it, and you be the judge.
Ratings for "Jill's Story"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Grey" by Lysander (lysander@bitsmart.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12408.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12410.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12409.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364866905
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364866911
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364866917
In proportion to its overall length, there's actually relatively little sex in
this story. Grey is the name of a woman to whom the narrator offers a ride.
Throughout the first half of the story they drive across the country for
several weeks, longing for each other, but not making their mutual feelings
known. Finally, they do make their feelings known to each other, and the
sexual activity becomes loving and hot. There are several complications that
make the story more interesting, but you can find these for yourself. I
really like stories that have good character development as well as hot sex,
and this is one of those stories.
Ratings for "Grey"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Yang Reception" by Wollstonecraft (an285729@anon.penet.fi).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=273658537 (1)
The term "yang reception" refers to the female feat of actively receiving
essence from the passive male - or so the Guru says. The heroine of this
story has for many years studied the teachings of Guru Tsu, and she has
recently had the great honor of moving into his commune. At the Common she
works her way toward blissful perfection through ritualistic penetration of
her vagina six times daily. The people at the Common are a happy lot,
joyfully sharing their fluids both individually and communally and even
helping to lick one another clean.
Even the conversations of the people at Common are couched in ritualistic
significance: "Do you want to take my conduit within you, to draw from me the
spiritual in substance? Will you sup from my body to take nourishment for
your soul?" Roughly translated, this means, "Wannafuck?"
Birth control is simple: "Even if your faith is weak and you cannot accept the
male's spiritual offering, thus creating the ovum within you, if your
partner's faith is firm, there will be no sperm in his seminal essence.
There can be no impregnation, no conception, no childbearing. Just as there
will for you be no aging, no deterioration. No death. And, without the
aggression borne of frustration, a new age of peace and love. You will be
part of the vanguard that ushers in this new age for humanity." Not a bad
deal. In other words, as long as you have Faith, you can fuck all you want;
and won't get pregnant. Our heroine and almost all the other initiates
deliver babies within nine months after their initiation; but they recognize
this as a freak coincidence - a simultaneous imperfection in the faith of both
the male and female partner in one of the several thousand copulations that
each person experienced in the preceding nine months. No harm, no foul.
They'll just have to try again. {I don't know what they do with the babies.
Nobody seems to have time for mundane tasks like changing diapers or teaching
kids to read; so I suppose maybe they sell the kids. Guru Tsu's must get his
revenue somewhere.}
I guess this story is really silly - Ooops! There I go, giving an indication
that I am not myself a True Believer. It was fun to buy into the Yang theory
for the duration of the story. The author does an excellent job of
consistently presenting Guru Tsu's beliefs. May his yang be well received!
Ratings for "Yang Reception"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "A Supergirl Arises From The Abyss" by Tooshoes (tooshoes@ix.netcom.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=361039443
Kara was sent to earth as a survivor from her planet (actually an asteroid) at
the moment her culture and all her friends disintegrated. She was greeted on
earth and taken under wing by none other than Clark Kent, who had made a
similar odyssey several years earlier. Enrolled as Linda Lee as a student at
Metropolis University, she is having trouble getting along on earth.
To mask the effect of her unfamiliarity with American culture, Clark advises
Kara to pass herself off as Hungarian - an idea plagiarized, no doubt, from
either George Bernard Shaw or Henry Higgins. The story is quite interesting;
sort of like a high quality comic book with sexual activities as a natural
part of the plot. This is the first of four connected stories - four that I
know of; there may be others. The plot has obvious possibilities: what sort
of things - both emotional and physical - will happen to a woman with super
powers who approaches an American college campus as a foreign culture. This
series has the potential to be really good, but I'm going to save a really
high rating until I've seen more.
Ratings for "A Supergirl Arises From The Abyss"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
* "Test Ride" by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352910427
This is a story about motorcycles and sex. As the bumper sticker says,
"Motorcyclists spread their legs when they do it." Or even better,
"Motorcyclists like something hot between their legs." Cyclists differ from
English Teachers, who do it with style, and Federal Express Couriers, who will
absolutely and positively do it overnight - and bakers, who knead it daily.
Ironically, motorcycles have no room for such sophisticated aphorisms on their
bumpers, and so these proclamations invariably appear on the bumper of the
owner's automobile.
Reminded of his biker past by a cyclist bumper sticker, the man in this story
stops at a German motorcycle dealership, where Inge, the statuesque
salesperson, offers to let him take a test ride. Inge is the sort of person
that gives the double entendres to the bumper stickers I mentioned in the
preceding paragraph.
In my distant past I had an early boyfriend who owned a motorcycle. I used to
call it his hog. I broke off the relationship, largely because he was
interested primarily in something hot between the legs, and I wasn't ready for
that yet. As I read this story, I came to a better understanding of his
viewpoint. For example, I used to naively wonder why he didn't have a larger
seat if he wanted me to ride double with him; and I honestly believed there
was no such thing as handbars for the second rider. I WAS naive, wasn't I?
This story verifies one bumper sticker: "Cyclists do it off the road." In
addition, "Cyclists can change speeds while doing it."
This is a sexy story. Even if you aren't a cyclist yourself, you'll probably
enjoy this story. If you're a motorcycle freak, you'll probably love it.
This was an outstanding story by an author who does it in really novel ways!
Ratings for "Test Ride"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"American Airlines Cockpit" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).
Two college girls (one straight, one bi) are on their way to England for the
Christmas holiday. They're bored, and one of them is afraid of flying. What
can the other girl suggest that might relieve boredom and get her friend's
mind off her acrophobia? The solution lies in a trip to the cockpit, where
they learn the true value of automatic pilot.
The FAA - the organization that tells pilots when and how to do it - would
like me to make it clear that pilots do things like this only under the
relatively rare circumstances when sexy college girls enter the cockpit in
mid-flight, do a striptease, and ask to test the pilots' instruments. The
author does an excellent job of creating ambiance with informal banter that
makes this a really delightful story. This author has a whole collection of
her stories on the Web at http://mud.bsd.uchicago.edu.
Ratings for "American Airlines Cockpit"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
*"Scarlett's Cove" by Ann Douglas (AnnD55@NYC.Pipeline.Com). This story
centers around the visit of two friends to a Caribbean Club Med type resort
that caters to lesbians and bisexuals. Although both women are lesbians, they
are not habitual lovers - just friends. After some preliminary fun, Jeanette
finds that Arlene has entered her into a sort of charity bachelor auction -
the other women will bid to have Jeanette for their date for the evening. I
think I have told you enough about the story. It's a hot plot with hot sex.
I might add that Jeanette is a high school teacher and many of us often wish
we could touch our favorite students the way she does - but somebody might
take that comment the wrong way.
Ann writes many different kinds of stories, and I enjoy them all; but this
story is a good example of what Ann does best: an interesting and sexy plot
woven into an exotic environment embellished with accurate information about
varied cultures. In addition, the author enriches the narrative with sexy
flashbacks and side plots that heighten the tension and allure of the main
storyline.
As I have said many times before, although I suspect that all sensible women
would enjoy sexual activities like those described in this story, I myself
have never engaged in full genital lesbian or bisexual activity. However,
after reading this story, my defenses have begun to crumble. If by some
chance I would ever be bereaved of this wonderful guy that humps me on demand
like Mark Aster's studly hero and then found myself on an exotic Caribbean
island with a beautiful, rich former student who was professing her love for
me after purchasing me for an exorbitant price in a charity auction - well, I
might give it a thought. Hell, I think I'll give it a thought right now!
I'm reminded of the words of my daughter, who every year proclaims that "this
is my best birthday ever." This is the best story ever by Ann Douglas.
Ratings for "Scarlett's Cove"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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