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From: dez187lm@hotmail.com (H.D. Meister)
Subject: {ASSM} Story: Lamentations - lamentations.txt [1/1]
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Greetings from the edge dear reader. Again... if you are not at least
18 or live in a community where adult material is not wanted, DO NOT
READ THIS! Post freely and archive if you desire. Critique as you see
fit. All I ask is that you do not make a profit from my work and give
the author all due credit.
--
Know you this:
I am all I am.
Nothing more...
never less.
Live or die, i do not
care.
So long as another
sees and knows
and learns,
then I am at peace.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lamentations
By: H.D. Meister
(dez187lm@hotmail.com)
I was there when you first entered the viper's nest that is called the
Freshman Mixer. I witnessed the mad rush as males sought to corner
females. I was there, and so were you.
The grace of your moves held my attention. Even the way you sipped
slowly on the soda inspired me. You bore an aura of quiet peace and
calm, and that found its way to me. I was there. I remember it all.
I could tell that you saw through the lies and half- truths that were
used to bed you, and smiled as you brushed them aside with a gentle
hand. Not one ego was bruised. Not one. How many women can
truthfully say they have done the same?
So I knew my place. At best, all I could hope for was to know your
gentle smile as we passed each other in come crowded hallway. I knew
my place well; I had lived in that place for so long that I knew of
no other. Everything else were the stuff of legends and tales of
horror. When you approached me....
There are very few times in a man's life when he can truly say that he
is aware that Change is approaching. This was one such time.
Suddenly I was bloated with a lust for the unknown future walking
towards me. My throat lost all moisture. My lips were the barren
plains of the Mojave. Like a caged, frightened mouse I sought the
exit. Escape. To run from what I did not know or dare dream of
understanding was all I felt.
But that was not to be. With your smile, I saw my death. I knew what
form it would take. I knew what its touch would feel like against my
skin. There are those who would welcome such death at your hands.
Not I. My will is too free. I long for the open skies of solitude.
So it was no surprise that I died that night.
I still wonder how I managed to speak at all. I was not aware of the
words which flowed from within me, but they did not frighten you off.
Nor did I find myself humiliated. Where the others had failed, I did
not. And I did not try as they had; I did not try at all. before I
was able to stop myself, I was walking outside with you next to me. I
remember how the air smelled that day. Summer was giving way to
Autumn, and the barest hint of chill hung in the air. I remember
asking myself how I managed to catch you eye.
We dated. I have never felt so good. And the thing I feared most...
sex... was something to be forgotten. It was not needed in our lives;
we were happy with what we shared. But I knew it would come; it had
to. Not because of morality or a situation, but because you are a
human and I... was. That we had avoided lust for as long as we did
glorified the power and grace of Love. That we are no longer together
is drool on the fang of Evil.
I used to ask myself if having sex with you cost me your love. Now I
know that the answer is no, but that does not soothe me as I thought
it would. I lost you because of the freedom I craved. You saw it
within my eyes that night, and knew it could never be tamed. Not by
your love. So you set me free. I wondered if I was inadequate that
night; I was a virgin. If that was the case, then I could at least
wrap myself in false ego and say you were not the best lay in the
world. But lies leave a bitter taste on the tongue... one which I
hope to never get used to.
I did what I though a man should do... and drew upon the countless
hours of brags and tales of other males I knew. It's funny; none of
their tales told of the sweetness of the nectar which flowed from your
center. They spoke but briefly of the howl of pleasure when my tongue
slid across that small nubbin. No... they were more often bloated
whit what they did. What they did. What they did. Never once did
they mention the pleasure of giving pleasure.
I even used a condom. Not that this is a miracle of some sort, but I
actually took the time to consider your needs and desires. I thought
about your future. Never once did any notion of any previous lovers
enter my mind. I was not protecting myself... I was protecting you...
from my own foolish arrogance. I should have listened to that call
from On High then. I did not.
And no words will ever be scripted to describe that moment. To call
it bliss would be to sling mud upon Heaven's gates. Over and over
again our bodies touched, sliding on layer after layer of sweat. I
remember the taste of your lips when I kissed you in passion that
night. And your touch upon my body... Even now I sit and recall
nothing more than that. Now... memories are all I have.
I do not regret that night, nor the others which followed. I do not
regret losing you. That I caused you pain... I will forever regret.
You are one soul in but many which I will touch, but that is no solace
to me now. When you left me, there were tears in your eyes. Tears
for us. I could not cry, and for that alone I know I shall spend my
eternity tormented in Hell. I knew your words were the truth. I
longed to simply throw away my old ways and cling to you, but you
would not have that. You would not change me. You never tried to
change me while we were together.
Now I am older. They years have given you three wonderful children to
call your own. I am nothing more than a number in some computer
covered with dust and attended by an old man who knows nothing outside
of the large box of electronic parts. Yet I still carry the memories
with me. While you work during the day and care for your Little ones
at night, I sit before a computer and spill words from within my mind.
There are souls out there who have read my words and told me that they
touched them. While it does please me, it also anger me. I am angry
because my words are but words. They are not emotions. They are not
the soft touch of a hand which cares about your feelings. They are
words. When my last breath flees my lungs, those words will die.
They will be cast to the side like garbage thrown from a moving car on
the highway.
But I will never be trash. I will never be forgotten. I will never
forget. If I should live to see the day, there may be another.
Perhaps I will once again be denied that which you gave me freely.
But I cannot spare the time to hope. I must continue to live. I
live. And others...
(dez187lm@hotmail.com)
--
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