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Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 286 - June 6
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Celestial Reviews 286 - June 6, 1998
Note: One day Little Johnny went to his father and asked him if he could buy
him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father said, "We have a $100,000
mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until
Christmas."
Christmas came around and Johnny asked again. The father said, "Well, the
mortgage is still extremely high. Sorry about that. Ask me again some other
time."
About two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all of
his worldly possessions in a suitcase. The father asked why he was leaving.
Little Johnny said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room and I heard you
say that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she
was coming too -- and DAMN if I'm going to get stuck with a $100,000
mortgage!"
Second note: Here's a Sexual Tension Quiz:
Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine
what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer
you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points.
If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more sex. If you score
between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need of more love. If you score
over 21 points, you are classed as having a great sex experience. Now please
begin.
"CLUES"
1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes.
When I'm not well, I drip.
When you blow me, you feel good.
2. I'm spread before I'm eaten.
Your tongue gets me off.
People sometimes lick my nuts.
3. I assist an erection.
Sometimes big balls hang from me.
I'm called a big swinger.
4. Over 1,000 people went down on me.
I wasn't maiden for long.
A big hard thing ripped me open.
5. You stick your poles inside me.
You tie me down to get me up.
I get wet before you do.
6. When I go in I cause pain.
I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow.
I can fill your hole.
7. A finger goes in me.
You fiddle with me when you're bored.
The best man always has me first.
8. All day long, it's in and out.
I discharge loads from my shaft.
Both men and women go down on me.
9. I go in hard.
I come out soft.
You blow me hard.
10. If I miss, I hit your bush.
It's my job to stuff your box.
When I come, it's news.
11. I offer Protection.
I get the finger ten times.
You use your fingers to get me off.
12. I have a stiff shaft.
My tip penetrates.
I come with a quiver.
13. My business is briefs.
I am a cunning linguist.
I plead and plead for it.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Answers:
1. nose
2. peanut butter
3. crane
4. Titanic
5. tent
6. dentist
7. wedding ring
8. elevator
9. chewing gum
10. newspaper boy
11. glove
12. arrow
13. attorney
Third note: I wish to express my gratitude to b_tira@hotmail.com for helping
find the links for the stories in this and the previous issue of CR. He/she
is filling in for Sandman, who is taking his new bride on a cruise to
Malinov's island or some such place. Which reminds me - I wish to express my
gratitude to Sandman for helping find the links for so many other issues of
CR. I think the links have been useful and effective.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Friends FAQ" by Maria Pollick (fetishes and orgies) 6, 7, 7
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358671780
"Pussy Eating (wife)" by Maria Pollick (oral sex with a woman) 6, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358671767
"Becky Cried" by Poison Ivan (voyeurism and romance) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=353349603
"Sesame Street" by Nate" (sophomoric humor) 10, 8, 8
"Ten" by Leanna (threesome with bondage) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=351785924
"Anniversary Party" by ALS135 (threesome & moresome)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352765238
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352765248
"Janey's Friend" by Janey (literary ff romance) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355700552
Guest Reviews:
"Garam Mircha" by Mina Lin (College Orgy) 9, 7, 4
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=208489760
"Two Families" by D. Abbey (prolonged orgy) 8, 7, 6
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=317475967
"Ruthie's Afternoon" by Erotales (kidnapping & sexual emeergence)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352291495
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352291500
"Bend Over" by Mitchell (romantic quickie) 8, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=354407598
"History of a Friend" by H.D. Meister (teen sex) 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358345505
"Clockwork" by Adrian Hunter (rough day at the office) 10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355961847
"Melody" by Crimson Dragon (sex in the business world).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355043924
Reposted Reviews:
"The Forgetful Husband" by Tom Bombadil (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358537552
"Erotic Foolishness" by Renae Nicks (romance) 9.5, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358010906
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358010902
"Honeymoon" by Parker (Slavery/sm) 10, 5, 3
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358677586
"American As..." by Deidre Ng (patriotic sex) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357059004
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357058982
"Ginger-with-a-D and the Hunk-and-a-Half" by Erin
Halfelven (light bdsm) 8, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358921905
"Office Girl" by Parker (blackmail & white slavery) 10, 10, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359201405
"Power and the Word" by Taria (interracial sex) 10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7309.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7341.txt
-------------------
This Week in Celestial History
CR#89 - June 1, 1996
-------------------
* "A Dark and Stormy Night" by Ann Douglas (lesbian
romance & emerging adolescence) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169073359
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169073844
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168871025
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169073768
* "Sally's Surrender" by Kid Dynamite (bdsm & humiliation)
10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240717365
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240717851
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240718361
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240719239
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240720057
"Friends FAQ" by Maria Pollick (mariapollick@usa.net).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358671780
The most interesting thing about this review is that the author correctly used
the possessive as the "subject" of a gerund: "I'm looking forward to her
opening up." Actually, I'm being sarcastic. The only reason this author
"used the possessive" is because the possessive and objective cases of "she"
happen to be identical. I'll cease this pedantic nit-picking and get on with
the review.
This "FAQ" purports to describe some people who write sex stories and have
orgies together. One of the members of the group has a web page that has
received an "interracial multiple partner sex award for her accomplishments."
Imagine that. Most of the women have black Masters, who beat them, humiliate
them, and fuck the shit out of them - thus earning an "interracial multiple
partner sex award for their accomplishments."
A serious shortcoming is that if this is supposed to be a FAQ, it includes no
information whatsoever about how to reach the group about which the Questions
are Frequently Asked. There was a second part to this story, but it was
simply labeled FAQ; and so the only way I knew it was related was by its
location next to the first one. There was a third story, also labeled FAQ,
but it was identical to the second. This author should not quit her day job
and become a reference librarian, even though by doing so she might earn an
"interracial multiple partner sex award for her accomplishments."
Although the grammar and logic both suck from time to time, this story has a
certain charm to it. It's kinda like the time I was on a bus and a group of
slutty teenagers took all the seats around me. They left me alone, their
conversations were certainly not a model of linguistic eloquence, and I had no
interest in being anything like them. But I practically came in my pants from
just listening to them. This "story" isn't quite that good, but it has
potential.
Perhaps a better way to describe this and the related stories is to say that
they're like Penthouse Forum Letters, with a lot worse grammar and weaker
coherence.
Ratings for "Friends FAQ"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Pussy eating (wife)" by Maria Pollick (mariapollick@usa.net).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358671767
"When a woman finds a man who gives good head, she's found a treasure she's
not going to let go of too quickly." I think that line is taken almost
verbatim from the bible. Or as Ben Franklin's wife put it, "A hard man is
good to find."
Actually, this story purports to have been written by "Bobbi," one of the
author's associates who was introduced to us in the "Friends FAQ," reviewed
above However, for purposes of identification, I'm going to assume that Maria
herself wrote this story. I don't think it matters.
This "story" is really an essay on how to fondle and orally stimulate a
woman's pussy. Although the author is certainly more of a cunnilinguist than
a cunning linguist, the advice is actually pretty good. Although there is
more than one way to eat a pussy (and as Shakespeare suggests, you shouldn't
do it by the book), what the author suggests here would work pretty well.
I wonder if Dr. Ruth knows about this.
Ratings for "Pussy eating (wife)"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Becky Cried" by Poison Ivan (poisoniv1@hotmail.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=353349603
It's a gray and overcast day, but we don't learn that till near the end of the
story; nor does it matter, at least not until they make love in the rain in
his backyard after they watch the other couple doing foreplay in the
restaurant where Margot with the nice ass and happy fingers works.
The first we hear about Becky's eponymous lacrimations is when she weeps when
she discovers that she's not pregnant. However, lately she has been sitting
on the couch in her bathrobe reading women's magazines and casting accusatory
glances. And now Margot the waitress is beginning to look better and better
to our narrator, and it's not even closing time at the watering hole.
When Becky arrives for lunch, our narrator is enraptured with the sight of the
couple at the next table, who are eating and flirting most outrageously.
"Someone should turn a hose on them," Becky whispers. Or get a room, as my
daughter would say. The other woman isn't wearing panties, and they leave
shortly. "I have to go to the bathroom," Becky says. "Is everything okay?"
Margot the waitress asks. Becky returns from the bathroom with items of
wearing apparel in her purse. Becky and our narrator dance, and Becky says,
"Don't get fresh, buster!"
"Next time you say you're going to show somebody my butt, you'd
better show somebody my butt!" says Becky. "I must say, there hasn't been much
in the way of business, but it sure has been a fun day!" Margot says.
Mood swings can be interesting.
Ratings for "Becky Cried"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Sesame Street" by Nate" (rammyn@msn.com). This is not great literature.
It's sophomoric humor, but good sophomoric humor, obviously written by
somebody who has grown up watching Sesame Street and who currently sneaks
peeks of the show while his/her younger siblings get off on it.
In addition to Maria's wild escapades with the muppets, we are treated to an
epilogue containing a parody of a chain letter. I thought the chain letter
was better than the rest of the story!
Ratings for "Sesame Street"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Ten" by Leanna (leanna1@hotmail.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=351785924
"Miss! Oh, miss.... That's a pretty dress."
The woman looks down, self-conscious. "Thank you."
"I bet it'd look pretty on the floor next to my bed."
"Whap!" goes the slap on the side of his face as the woman huffs away.
This scene takes place outside a bar, where the recipient of the slap has been
sitting on a bench with his lady friend, getting drunk while evaluating the
physiques of the women going into the bar. They are a man and a woman who
have apparently never been sexually intimate with each other - just drinking
companions who hang out on the street together.
Then their life changes in an interesting way. Sometimes I say too much. You
had better check this one out for yourself. This story is an interesting
combination of a threesome and bondage, with some really great dialogue to
keep it going.
Ratings for "Sesame Street"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Anniversary Party" by ALS135 (ALS135@aol.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352765238
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352765248
This story is about as close as I'll ever get in real life to anonymous sex.
While reading this story, I had risen through several crescendos to a gently
roaring orgasm. For much of it I didn't even need my fingers - the imagery
and the tug of my clothing while I twisted in my chair was enough to keep me
going. As my climax subsided, I realized I didn't even know who the author
was. Even worse - or even better, perhaps - a glance at my scroll bar told me
that I was only halfway through the story. I clicked on the scroll bar. Yep
- there it was - Part 2 was still to come, if you'll pardon the expression.
At least my timing was good.
Fortunately, my phone rang, and I had to deal with something more mundane. As
I said, at least my timing was good. Now, before I resume my reading, let me
give this lecture one more time. Be sure to put your name and address on the
title page of the actual story. When I downloaded this story, all I got was
two files with enigmatic numbers that meant absolutely nothing to me for their
"titles." My gratitude to this author for a really enjoyable first half of
this evening far outweighs the hostility that he evokes by making me go to
DejaNews and look up his name. But PLEASE - for your own good - PUT YOUR NAME
AND ADDRESS ON THE TITLE PAGE OF THE ACTUAL STORY.
The basic plot is that a wife whom her husband has known to be bisexual throws
a first anniversary party for her husband to which (unbeknownst to her
husband) she also invites her female lover. And all this happens in the most
delightful way.
This is an extraordinarily hot story. I strongly recommend it.
As I have mentioned in the past, I have a happily monogamous relationship with
my husband. In spite of (or maybe because of) that relationship, I really
enjoy stories like this one. A story like this is good because IF (and that's
an emphatic IF with capital letters) the wildly hedonistic activities
portrayed in this story could be continued on a long-term basis, these sort of
activities would certainly be wonderful. I simply don't believe that in my
own life something like this is possible. My conviction is based on
philosophical (religious, I suppose) principles, psychological insights, and
practical experience. Satisfying one man and having that one man devote his
life to me is about all that I can handle, and I really feel that I am a lot
happier than my friends who have more "open" relationships.
I hasten to add that I might be wrong or at least that these other people
might be right as well. That is, maybe they have achieved a capacity to share
relationships in a way that makes them wonder why a person would ever want to
settle for a single piece of the pie.
I have no interest in converting you to my value system. My point here is
that it is clearly possible to enjoy stories that conflict with our personal
values. Some stories that conflict with my values seem really stupid to me,
and I cannot really enjoy those. For example, I still can't understand why a
person would enjoy degrading or being degraded by a person with whom he/she is
"in love." However, stories like this one give me no trouble. I can
definitely see how it would be ecstatically pleasant to have one cock up my
cunt and another up my ass while my best friend fondled my tits and played
tongue games with me. Let's hear it for vicarious experiences!
By the way, my husband agrees with me on this issue. He too enjoys letting
his imagination roam. He has a not-too-secret lust for Jenny McCarthy, who is
young enough to be our daughters' older sister. If pressed, I'm pretty sure
he would admit that he "wishes" he could bury his face between her legs - or
her asscheeks, for that matter. He won't, and he doesn't really "want" to;
what he wants is me.
One reason I like these stories is that they give us a safe outlet for our
fantasies. I really don't want my husband fantasizing about a woman he works
with or his former girlfriend while he makes love to me. I think that would
be disruptive to our relationship. Such fantasies would increase the
probability of actual infidelity or inadvertent flirtations. He might look at
the other woman differently or she might respond in a way that would
complicate and hurt someone. With imaginary characters, this problem goes
away. Let's hear it for vicarious experiences!
Incidentally, Jenny McCarthy and I are not all that much alike. I'm much more
intelligent, she's a blonde, and she looks slightly better with her clothes
falling off of her on a calendar or other poster. Other than that, we're
pretty similar, I suppose.
Ratings for "Anniversary Party"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Janey's Friend" by Janey (janey98@hotmail.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355700552
Janey has fallen in love with Taria. In this story, which is sort of a sequel
to Taria's "Phone Sex," they meet and do very nice things to each other. Just
read the story - it's really silly for me to try to summarize things that the
author describes so much better than I can.
Actually, this whole affair is somewhat difficult to sort out. Janey's
fictional persona is definitely and reciprocally head over heels with Taria's
fictional persona (that's a vocational counselor with a college history
teacher - at least most of the time); and Janey the real person also has a
genuine and likewise reciprocal admiration for Taria the real person - whoever
those real persons may be. The exact relationship among all these personas
(or perhaps, personae) is a bit vague. For example, Janey the fictitious
person strongly recommends "The Power and the Word," which was written by
Taria the real person, and in which Taria the fictitious person plays a major
role.
This confusion of characters may sound confusing - and it is - but that's good
news, not bad news. The ambiguity adds to the flavor of the story.
As Janey points out, Taria's "The Power and the Word" is truly an excellent
story. {I'll repost the review below.} But it's not really a good idea to fall
in love with authors who write good short stories. For example, the best
short story author I know is Edgar Alan Poe; and he'd be a helluva person to
be in love with, even if he hadn't died in a gutter over a hundred years ago.
And then there's Mike Hunt, who dropped off the edge of the earth just when my
fantasies about him were getting really interesting.
Ratings for "Anniversary Party"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Garam Mircha" by Mina Lin (posted by jimlin@mit.edu). Guest Review by
Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=208489760
This story started out very promising, very promising indeed, as it followed
a young Hindi woman as she burst out on the world scene for the first time.
India has always been a bit of a fascination for me, combining the mystical
and the sensual. Unfortunately, the mystery of the story lasts only for the
first paragraph before the woman attends a college that at first I assumed was
somewhere in India but quickly realized was in the U.S.
The story disintegrated very quickly after that, and it became just another
story about a co-ed determined to learn everything she can about sex who ends
up doing a whole frat house for her doctoral thesis in sex education.
In the end the woman's nationality meant nothing at all. She could have been
a Kansas farm girl or a New York sophisticate. We get a royal gangbang that
may appeal to some of the multiple-male single-female fans, but other than
that there's simply not much to say for this one.
Ratings for "Garam Mircha"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 6
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 4
"Two Families" (D. Abbey - dabby@access.mountain.net). Guest review by BillyG
(hayden@mindless.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=317475967
"Two Families," as the title suggests, is a story about the families of Alice
Stadler, a divorced young mother of three, and her next door neighbor, John
Smiley, a widower who similarly has three children. There's a fortuitous
similarity in the family compositions, for Alice's children include twelve-
year-old Sally and her older brothers, thirteen-year-old twins Alex and
Andrew, while John's family consists of twelve-year-old David and his older
sisters, thirteen-year-old twins, June and Jane.
There's a method in my listing the line up of players, for they all come to
have a role; and in the first few chapters it's difficult to tell who's who.
Since all the girls are hot for all the guys and vice versa, several times I
lost track of just who was panting after whom.
The plot is simplicity itself, little more than a series of contrivances that
allow various couplings to occur. If your concept of consent permits a
friendly, albeit horny twelve-year-old to have so-called consensual sex with
an adult neighbor, then this is clearly a consensual story. There's no
coercion or cajoling, much less threatening or blackmail that serves to coerce
anyone in this story. They're all mutually randy and ready to play. If
anything, the kids play a more active role in the light-hearted seductions
that are heavily sprinkled throughout this moderately long story.
The story is lusty and embraces the full gamut of vaginal, anal and oral sex,
spiced with voyeurism and exhibitionism together with brief hints of same-sex
attraction, There's little that is 'way out' in this story and even the
incestuous pairings come across with little added charge. In fact, the number
of players serves to lessen the intimacy. I found a predictable sameness that
bordered on near monotony. In fact, some of the dialog was repeated almost
word for word with different players. An attempt at symmetrical balance in
the story came across like Pete Segar's "Little Boxes." The repetitious
formulaic approach robbed the story of spontaneity and surprise. The new
vignettes weren't new at all, but came across as a "same song, second verse."
All in all, this was a almost sweet story, but marred by its own blandness and
predictability. The lesson here is that less is more. Fewer players might
have provided the setting for greater intensity and intimacy.
This is an OK story, but it just didn't grab me.
Ratings for "Two Families"
Athena (technical quality): 8 (Formatting problems with a
hard return and space after ever line)
Venus (plot & character): 7 (Too thin and too many players)
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 6 (Less would be more)
"Ruthie's Afternoon" by Erotales (Erotales@aol.com). Guest review by Dart.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352291495
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352291500
It's a rainy afternoon and Ruthie needs a cab. After getting splashed by three
of them, she's grateful when the fourth one pulls over. It's occupied, but the
occupant states his willingness to share; and after a brief conversation she
gratefully accepts his offer. Too late, Ruthie realizes that she's been
kidnapped. Soon, she's nude, gagged, spread-eagled, and bound to a bed in an
otherwise empty room. She's pretty concerned about her situation; she's not
nearly as concerned as I'd be, but perhaps I'm simply a nervous type.
Very shortly, Dante joins her. He's forced into the room much as she had been,
only it's his father's house; and it's upon his father's instructions that
he's being sequestered with Ruthie. It seems that Dante is a twenty-eight year
old virgin and since therapy hasn't solved his inability to interact with
women, his father has devised this novel approach to force a solution - well,
at least to force the loss of Dante's virginity, since no one is to leave the
room until it's gone.
Dante, being a gentlemanly type, kindly removes Ruthie's gag but is unable to
release her bindings. Ruthie, vocal again, then proves to be Dante's best
therapist to date, and once Dante begins to open up, Ruthie even discovers a
new and deeper understanding of herself.
Needless to say, Dante's father will be pleased with the outcome of Ruthie's
encounter with his son, but I leave it to the reader of this nicely
suspenseful story to determine who else is pleased.
Ratings for "Ruthie's Afternoon"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 8
Dart (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Bend Over" by Mitchell (apstarre@pipeline.com). Reviewed by A.M. McStuff, who
may be reached at assmastermcstuff@hotmail.com.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=354407598
In subscribing to ASSM one exposes oneself to the broadest imaginable array of
printed sexuality -- everything from the quicky squicky to well-developed and
tasteful erotica. With "Bend Over" Mitchell has produced an example of my
favorite genre, what I like to call the credible stroke.
The plot is admirably straightforward: the narrator is enchanted by the sight
of his callipygian wife bent over an oven. They boff and are thus late for a
party. End of story.
But Mitchell packs an admirable amount of character development into a brief
space. The narrator fumbles with "the tie around [his] neck that refused to
knot itself properly." His wife hums "a song under her breath" as she works in
the kitchen, unaware of his attention. The characters obviously have affection
for each other, and Mitchell allows us to relate to them in the brief time
they interact before getting it on. And they do get it on -- a good in-the-
kitchen, pre-party "make it quick" screw. Any adult can relate to this.
A nice touch: Mitchell cleverly uses the language of stroke to describe other
actions. As the woman cooks she pours "the sauce over the meat sizzling
inside." The deft application of typically porny language to non-sexual
activity brought a smile to my face.
The story is not without its flaws, any of which might have been cured by an
editor. The protagonist's wife is a "heavenly angel" (is there any other
type?). Likewise, he fills her with his "hot seed." Just once I would like to
read a story in which the narrator spurts lukewarm -- even tepid -- seed, to
the dismay of the spurtee. And his wife's hair is "mangled" after their
nuzzling. Since when does nuzzling anything mangle it?
But these are quibbles; it is almost impossible to write short stroke without
leaning on the crutch of cliché from time to time, and Mitchell is much more
literate than most of the writers posting to ASSM. I enjoyed this story and
look forward to reading more by the author.
Ratings for "Bend Over"
Technical Quality: 8
Character Development: 10
Appeal to Reviewer: 10
"History of a Friend" by H.D. Meister. Guest review by Dave Myers.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358345505
Perspective is everything in writing. Being able to communicate a particular
human perspective to the reader is the gift that successful authors have. Most
teen stories fall into either of two categories: (1) an adult looking back and
thinking "Wouldn't it have been neat if my teen sex life could have been like
THIS!", or (2) "Julie is inexperienced. Julie learns how to fuck. Fuck, Julie,
fuck!" Neither theme tends to display the point of view necessary to be
convincing (a different thing altogether from arousing!). Well, thankfully the
awakening that occurs for the narrator of this story is not a purely physical
one. This story manages to get the job of perspective (a young person moving
past sex into love) done admirably until the very end, at which point it
becomes one touch too wistful for my tastes.
Synopsis: A young woman believes she is going to break in a virgin teen male,
but he turns out to be a silent, mysterious charmer and a sexual animal.
The author is at his (?? - I assume it is a he) best when characterizing the
creepy and mysterious quality of our narrator's suitor. Too bad that this
aspect of the plot is underdeveloped; it could have been taken even higher.
The constantly mounting levels of enigma surrounding this character are
handled nicely, as seen through the fuzzy lens of a teen who finds love when
she least expects it.
But the story could use a healthy re-write. Written almost in "diary" style,
the tone is warm and nostalgic. The writer does a good enough job
communicating this tone, in fact, that the generous use of ellipses (...)
throughout the text is quite unnecessary. After a while, it gets quite
distracting, really. There are numerous grammatical and spelling problems,
too. The ending, while appropriate in spirit, is handled too swiftly and
clumsily to be fully effective.
Rating: 8
"Clockwork" by Adrian Hunter (adrianhunter-at-geocities-dot-com). Guest
review by DG.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355961847
So what has Celeste got for me here... Adrian Hunter, that name sounds
familiar...yes, I've read a couple of his stories. B and D, S and M, that
sort of thing. Master and slave, pain and humiliation, and all that. Don't
remember being all that impressed. Now, now, DG old fellow, have to keep an
open mind as a reviewer.
OK, lets take a quick scan through this one...1100 words, that's all? Can't
really do much in 1100 words, can you? At least this won't take forever.
Might as well start reading.
OK, we've got a female executive...she's at work, chewing out her secretary.
Not in a good mood this morning, to put it mildly. OK, now she's telling us
why...ouch! No wonder. That *would* be distracting, wouldn't it? Hmmm.
Have to admit, I kind of like the thought of her going through the work day
like that. All that perverted nastiness going on under her neat, conservative
clothes. Better her than me, though.
Yep, it's going to be a long day for her. Now, instead of getting some work
done, she's thinking about the guy who put her in this predicament. Her
lover, if you can call someone who would do that to her a lover. Ahh...yes,
she's plotting her revenge. Ouch! A little taste of his own medicine, good
thinking. Wow! Quite an imagination she's got. He's going to be sorry he
ever messed with this woman, that's for sure. Or maybe not. That's the real
funny part isn't it? Can pain really equal pleasure? They say that if you go
far enough to the right and the left on the political spectrum, the views
start to come together instead of diverging.
So that's it, the end of the story - that didn't take long. Now, what did I
think of it? Let's lean back and give it a little thought. Whoops! What's
going on there down in my pants? Things are getting a little tight all of a
sudden. Sheesh, I didn't even notice that happening. Well, you can't argue
with results. I guess you can do something in 1100 words after all.
Ratings for "Clockwork"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
DG (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Melody" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com). Guest review by Bookman.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355043924
Crimson leads off her introduction to this piece by calling it a "strange
story that defied classification." She's (? - yes, I know I'm making an
assumption there, but there's a feminine aspect to the telling that's hard to
argue with) right.
Terri, the narrator, and Melody were competitors for the same high-level
corporate job. Melody won. Terri doesn't hold a grudge, but is curious about
this mystery woman who refuses to follow the unwritten rules. Then, after a
drunken company Christmas party, Terri receives a painful cry for help. It's
Melody. . .
If you define a sex story as 'hump, pump, bump, and scream', then this short
tale isn't a sex story. Virtually all physicality happens off stage. But it
is a story with sex at its core; sex as motivator, driver, and destroyer.
(Actually, it's less a story than a part of one; it would make a good segment
to an hour TV drama, but it's a little rickety standing alone. But that's
another soapbox.) Melody's revelations to Terri set the stage for an
uncomfortable, unrealized denouement. You're left knowing that this episode
in these women's lives is not over, just over for now.
I can't rate the story as a complete success, but it is an excellent well-
outlined beginning. Some stories leave you satisfied, this one leaves you
wanting more. Not entirely a bad way to go.
Athena (technical): 9 (a few small errors, nothing that will
get in the reader's way)
Aphrodite (general sensual appeal): 3
Apollo (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Pool Table" by ALS135 (ALS135@aol.com). Guest review by Sven the Elder, who
may be contacted at Sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk.
This story is basic, in fact a description of basic raw anal sex. There is
little in the way of plot, other than the description of the act. We learn
little of the characters, less of the what's and why-fores of the occurrence.
In the end, the description tends towards the mechanical, as does the act.
There is little to excite the reader unless a blunt rather terse description
is your thing. I have nothing against anal sex, indeed one day I may even get
the chance to try it, who knows. From this, frankly rather brutal
description, it not only sounds unpleasant, but also dangerous. It has to be
said that the recipient does appear to enjoy it though. If a fairly terse
description is your turn on, this may be for you, as you may guess, as it
stands it does little for me.
Ratings for "Pool Table"
Athena (technical quality): 8 - it meets Celeste's averages.
Venus (plot & character): 7 - little or none.
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 8 - Sorry not my turn on.
* "The Forgetful Husband" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358537552
This author usually gets nearly perfect ratings from me, but as I started this
story, I shook my head and felt my pussy. It was dry. My pussy, that is.
The story was too slow - all shopping and talking and no sex. And besides, I
knew exactly where the story was going: the man had apparently forgotten their
wedding anniversary, but he was going to surprise her with a romantic evening
and blissful sex. I mean, this was alt.sex.stories, not alt.sex.shopping,
wasn't it?
Well, the story DID go where I thought it would, but there were a few
interesting twists when we got there. It turned out that the slow pace at the
beginning made the hot stuff later on seem hotter. This turned into a very
sexy, romantic story.
Ratings for "The Forgetful Husband"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Venus (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Erotic Foolishness" by Renae Nicks (RenaeNicks@aol.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358010906
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358010902
The woman has broken up with her boyfriend after a long relationship and has
befriended a guy whose girlfriend lives far away. Things start out platonic
and cool, but they warm up quickly. What I liked best about this story was
that the sex was both hot and realistic. For example, on one crucial occasion
the female narrator is having her period when the guy stops by and urgently
wants to express his affection for her. They find a way to do it that is both
romantic and likely to happen in real life. The story has an air of wistful
nostalgia that adds to its impact.
The story has a few grammar and style glitches. For example: "His dick was a
little longer and thinner than the one I was used to, which was actually a bit
easier for me to deal with." Whose penis did the cocksucker savor? Actually,
the grammatical connection is to the dick she was used to (Mark's), but I
THINK she meant to express approbation for the longer and thinner one
(Brian's) which was being engulfed by her eager mouth. It's imperfect style
to use "which" to refer to an entire clause or to an implied idea; and this
usage is an especially bad idea when there is a nearby noun to which the
"which" might be applied.
"I felt badly about how things ended the other night." One of the problems my
husband faces in sleeping with an English teacher is the copulative verb.
Over the years he has learned that if I say I feel GOOD because he feels WELL,
this means that he is fondling me adeptly. If I feels good because he feels
GOOD, this means that he is in a state of euphoria that is having a secondary
benefit applicable to me. It all works out quite well in practice, but the
point is the speaker probably felt BAD (not badly) about how things ended up
that other night. And when you think about it, things weren't all that bad,
because things went well when they made up, which was good, which is an
apparent violation of the "which" rule in the previous paragraph.
Here's some friendly advice to potential authors: even if you have a good
story, consider the possibility of having somebody other than yourself look at
it before you go to press. If you need help finding a reader, let me know,
and I'll match you up with somebody from my free proofreading service.
Ratings for "Erotic Foolishness"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Honeymoon" by Parker.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358677586
{This is one of the first reviews I ever wrote - back in CR 4. I have reread
the story and the review, and I still stand by this review. I have modified
it only by changing my former rating of 3 to the current tripartate rating of
10, 5, 3.}
After giving the preceding three stories high ratings, I sat down at my
computer to read my first Parker story. This one is about a man who gives his
beautiful young wife a surprise gift for their honeymoon - her former English
professor as a sex slave. Needless to say, she had been a prissy but sexy
bitch (so far that sounds accurate), and so she probably deserved this
reduction to chattel servitude. They humiliate her in various ways while they
satisfy their sexual urges. The story also gives a description of this
alleged slave trade. If this really happens, it's a bunch of crap.
I'm trying not to be a prude. I see the point in and actually enjoyed the
voyeurism in deirdre's "Couch." I also gave a high rating to "Run," which had
an sm/slavery twist; but it didn't dwell on how much fun it would be to
degrade someone. In "Dreamwalk" the neighbor dominates the man who narrates
the story; but it's actually a nice kind of domination - she actually likes
the guy. I'm not trying to be unfriendly; and I realize there are valid
differences in lifestyles and interests. But when somebody writes a story
that describes how interesting it would be to turn a passerby into a degraded
specimen of a human being (granted, she was already an English teacher), am I
being a bigot to say that this is really kind of sick and to worry about the
mental health of people who enjoy this kind of garbage?
I would appreciate serious comments, not flames. I'm really trying to
understand. Here's the crux of the question: If Jeffrey Dahmers wrote a
grammatically correct, clear, detailed description of how he drilled holes
into the heads of his victims while they were still alive and then had sex
with them before he killed and ate them, am I supposed to accept this as a
"lifestyle choice"? And if I found my husband jacking off while he was
reading this description after Dahmers published it on a.s.s., would I be
paranoid to think he had a serious problem?
Ratings for "Honeymoon"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
* "American As..." by Deidre Ng (patriotic sex).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357059004
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357058982
Sirens blare in the background! Fireworks explode! Confetti and brightly
colored balloons waft gently to the ground. No; this is NOT again the 1000th
story I have reviewed; this time the pyrotechnics, etc., are part of the
story. Deidre Ng has become an American citizen! To celebrate, she and her
sister and their boyfriends do something uniquely American - they go to
Chinatown.
This is a hilariously sexy story. It's possible, of course, that the author
is not trying to be funny or sexy - that she may merely be relating the events
that filled an important evening in the life of a Chinese-Canadian woman
celebrating her enfranchisement and standing topless in the ladies' restroom
yelling sexual innuendoes at her equally untopped but more outspoken sister.
Serves 'em right - those sweaters were like fashion foreplay anyway.
Or, as David put it
"I mean you look really sexy in that outfit."
"So sexy you have to fuck me even before I can take it off?"
"Overpoweringly sexy."
"Now that I'm a citizen, don't I get a vote on the subject?"
"You'll have to hold an erection to vote on that."
"Planning on stuffing the ballot box, are you?"
I constantly tell my students to find a main idea and to stick to it. This
delightful story proves that I don't know what I am talking about.
Ratings for "American As..."
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Ginger-with-a-D and the Hunk-and-a-Half" by Erin Halfelven
(erotonomicon@hotmail.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358921905
{Note: The author has revised the story and has eliminated the //double
slashes// that used to indicate emphasis. This renders a major part of my
review otiose. I've always wanted to use that word in a sentence.}
This story contains a lightbulb joke with a wrong answer. The question is,
"How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?" The right answer is,
"Just one. But you need an awful big lightbulb to fit inside with him." You
can read the story for the author's answer.
This author has an interesting style. She should probably upgrade her grammar
by using more periods and semicolons, but the point I want to make here is
that she uses //double slashes// to indicate emphasis. The way the author
uses these, I can almost here her talking like a stereotypical blonde bimbo.
Don't get on my case. Some of my best friends are blondes, but the blonde
jokes //are// funny. For example, "Have you ever seen blondes making love on
TV? No, they keep falling off."
Anyway, Ginger has //red// hair, and these double slashes work a lot better if
you switch to Times rather than New York font. The title had me going,
because I thought maybe the D was her bra size, but it's really her last name
- Ginger Rodgers with a D, no relation.
So Ginger is a big girl, and she needs a big man, one of which comes into her
office at the bank, where everyone ogles her but shows no signs of sexual
harassment, even though they seem to ask her to get things off high shelves
more than the average American Bear. So the guy asks her out to lunch, and
she takes him to a restaurant with big boobs - er, big //booths//. My mistake
regarding the preceding word is understandable, since the size of the booth is
irrelevant. They don't fuck until they get to his apartment later that
evening. It turns out the guy even has a big //tongue// for chrissake. Well,
a hard guy is good to find, especially a big, hard guy in this case. So after
the preliminary orgasms, when he says he'd like to tie her up for the next
blowjob, she offers to tie //him// up instead. //Dayem!// Do they have a good
time!
This is not really a great work of literature. I mean it doesn't have much of
a //plot// or anything like that. But I really like the tone of the story.
It's what my British friends might call //cheeky//. I suspect that this
author is going to do something creative {like have someone //proofread// her
stories or maybe work on the plot a little} someday; and then we're going to
be treated to some //really// great stuff. However, I've had just about
enough of the <<<double slashes>>>.
Ratings "Ginger-with-a-D"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Office Girl" by Parker (an210088@anon.penet.fi).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359201405
The college girl has accepted a boring summer job. Someone from another
company offers her a large amount of money for some survey results. She
agrees to the terms, but she gets caught stealing the information. Either she
must do what her superiors demand or they will report her to the police. She
has become that saddest wretch of a.s.s. - the moral (or immoral) equivalent
of the trapped tenant farmer or coal miner locked into the company store; she
has become a sex slave. The story describes in detail some creative forms of
humiliation to keep the girls ensnared in what used to be called white
slavery.
After I originally posted this review (consisting of the preceding paragraph),
somebody asked me why I didn't object to this story, as I often do to stories
that portray degradation. The reason is simple: Parker portrays this young
woman as realistically degraded. He does not try to foist off on us the
notion that she has somehow reached a higher level of self-actualization by
letting people humiliate her. She's been seduced in a demonically clever way.
That's sad, but it's also interesting; and that's what makes this a pretty
good story.
Ratings for "Office Girl"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Power and the Word" by Taria (tariat@aol.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7309.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7341.txt
I labeled this story "interracial sex." I could have perhaps labeled it
"emerging sexuality," since the narrator's increasing self-awareness in the
context of her sexuality and black literature is the main theme of this story.
I went with the "interracial" label mostly because I wanted to show you that
it's possible to have interracial sex without monster cocks and white girls
who love to be called sluts.
Cleanthe is a young black woman who has arisen from her poverty to attend
college at Columbia University. She is intensely attracted to her professor
of African-American Literature, who is a white man. The story describes the
development of that relationship.
This is an excellent story. It does a marvelous job of integrating into the
story line poetry and sensible insights about a person's personality. This is
the sort of story that I would love to have my students read; but I can't,
because the Puritans who control American school systems severely harass
teachers who try to introduce this level of realism into literature classes.
So I'll just ban it instead, and that way my students will find it and read it
on their own.
Ratings for "Power and the Word"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "A Dark and Stormy Night" by Ann Douglas.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169073359
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169073844
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168871025
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169073768
This author has written several stories about women's first sexual experiences
with another woman. I am over 40 years old and have still never made physical
love to another woman, and I have no plans of ever doing so. Nevertheless, I
found this story, which describes an evening when two teenagers who have been
long-time girlfriends first make physical love to each other, to be both
romantic and arousing.
Right now there numerous "abstinence" commercials on American television,
stating that it is a good idea to remain celibate until marriage. I think
it's possible and even sensible to agree with the abstinence philosophy and to
like this story.
When I was a 17-year-old, I was still a virgin and I think all of my best
friends were too. I played a lot of sports - largely, I think, because my
parents wanted me to keep my mind off sex. My close friends and I became
really good athletes and developed interesting personalities without having to
worry about making love to one another. This worked well, and if I could by
wishing grant a lifestyle to other teenagers, that's what I would wish for
them. I suppose there are lots of other happy people in the world who took a
different course of action, but I'm glad my friends and I acted the way we
did. On the other hand, it really is fun to think back about things that
could have happened; and this story is a good start.
I have contended in several previous reviews that I think almost all women
could be happy having sex with another woman. {If getting my pussy eaten by a
guy is sexy, why wouldn't it be equally sexy to have a woman's lips locking
onto my clitoris?} I was thoroughly refuted by several a.s.s, readers.
Still, I think I personally would have enjoyed the activities described in
this story. I think there's a huge tendency to over-label people as "gay" or
"straight." This unnecessary labeling causes 17-year-old girls to decide that
they "are" lesbians just because they feel more strongly attracted to a
sensitive female friend than to the immature males of the same age who seem to
be interested in nothing but making crude remarks and getting into girls'
pants. It also causes people to be afraid to show their honest emotions for
fear of labeling themselves. This same thought pattern causes people not to
enjoy a good story like this because the girls' behavior is thought to be
"wrong" in a way different from a boy and girl of the same age engaging in
similar behavior. There's no reason to restrict life choices so narrowly. My
advice is to loosen up, enjoy life, and keep your options open. And by all
means read this story.
The author makes numerous grammatical and usage errors that are probably the
result of poor proofreading. The last time I gave a high rating to an Ann
Douglas story, a reader chided me for missing errors like these. I checked,
and he was right; there were numerous mistakes that I had ignored. The reason
I didn't dock her for these mistakes was because they didn't bother me at all.
I would appreciate it if Ann would clean up her grammar; but an occasional
"it's" instead of "its" is no big deal. Since I was locked into the meaning
of the story, I didn't even notice these mistakes in the previous story. I
suspect that the present story has fewer errors, but I am not going to bother
to check. The story was well written.
This treatment of the emerging sexuality of two teenage girls was both
sensitive and sexy. I strongly recommend it.
Ratings for "A Dark and Stormy Night"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Sally's Surrender" by Kid Dynamite (an109288@anon.penet.fi).
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240717365
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240717851
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240718361
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240719239
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240720057
One might expect something silly and immature from an author using the name
"Kid Dynamite." Not so. This is a cleverly constructed, complex story that
comes across very clearly. As the author points out in the prologue, not many
real human beings don't and shouldn't act this way. It would be a horrible
world if they did.
The author uses a highly effective technique of switching viewpoints among
several protagonists as he tells his tale: Sally, her mother, her stepfather,
the woman from the Society, her husband, the dirty old man who teaches art at
the Academy, and others. With each change of perspective we see the story
unfolding as that person alone would have seen it.
At times the action becomes very slow-paced. I read page after page of the
art teacher trying to get a look at the top of Sally's panties and practically
shooting his load when he got there. But art teachers are often like that, I
suppose.
The basic story line is that Sally is an extremely attractive and naive
18-year-old who has been home-schooled and taught to give automatic respect to
authority by draconian and puritanical parents. Well, not too puritanical;
they're heavily into bdsm and into swinging. In fact, they have applied to
join the Society of Silk, a bizarre but selective group of swingers and sado-
masochists whose tentacles reach deep into the Academy, where Sally is
blossoming into a grownup woman. Surprisingly enough, the Dean of the Academy
is also the Mistress of the Society! This is a coincidence. Really.
So as we near the midpoint of the story, we have young, innocent Sally,
sitting in the office of the Dean of the Academy, accused by a teacher of
wearing no underpants to school that day - an act in which she has engaged to
please her art teacher, who is a benign but disgusting pervert who would
probably die to sniff her used tampons - about to be judged by the Mistress of
a secret Society of depraved sex offenders to which her own parents belong. It
is at this point that the author points out that she's lucky she doesn't have
serious problems, like drugs or booze. Right!
Sally's problems get much worse; but I'll let you read the story to find out
about that.
The one thing I would do (besides writing a completely different story) would
be to vary the style within the segments that take the perspective of each
separate protagonist. As it is, the author uses a very simple style that
suits Sally but is not really appropriate for all the others. The ideas are
appropriate, but the way they are expressed is not.
In his prologue the author states that he thinks this story is a vast
improvement over his previous venture, "Lessons in Lust." He's right about
that! This is an excellent example of the misguided asshole genre of
literature, which Edgar Alan Poe exemplified so well in his "Telltale Heart."
People really enjoy trying to figure out what goes on inside the mind of
bizarre people. Again, as the author points out in the prologue, not many
real human beings don't and shouldn't act this way. It would be a horrible
world if they did.
In a way this was an uplifting story. It made me happy to live in a world of
murderers, rapists, politicians, and lawyers.
Ratings for "Sally's Surrender"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
<end>
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