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From: dez187lm@hotmail.com (H.D. Meister)
Subject: {ASSM} Story: When - when.txt [1/1]
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Greetings from the edge dear reader. Again... if you are not at least
18 or live in a community where adult material is not wanted, DO NOT
READ THIS! Post freely and archive if you desire. Critique as you
see fit. All I ask is that you do not make a profit from my work and
give the author all due credit.
--
Know you this: I am all I am. Nothing more... never less. Live or
die, i do not care. So long as another sees and knows and learns,
then I am at peace.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When.
By: H.D. Meister
(dez187lm@hotmail.com)
I don't ever think I'll understand. He's got everything I could ask
for in a man, and quite a lot more. He's kind, caring, funny... and
the one person I cannot see me having a relationship with. And the
reason? He says that he is not ready.
Now I've heard those words before, but they were always on the lips of
a guy who tended to like pussy... not women. They would be content in
life if only they didn't have to deal with the possibility of
commitment. But he's not like that. I looked into his eyes the
moment before he turned away... and saw fear. Fear of me.
At first, I was angry. What did he have to fear from me! Nothing! I
would not choke the life from him, nor would I constantly try to
twists his words for my own purposes. Yet he was afraid. Wasn't I
there for him when he got word that his father had been killed by a
drunk driver? Who held him while he cried! I did. Why fear me?
About a week later I saw him walking to class. His steps were slower,
and it was obvious that his mind was elsewhere. Even when his best
friend strode up beside him, I knew something was wrong. But it
wasn't until I saw his best friend alone that I knew why he was
afraid. I knew... but I still don't understand.
He's afraid that he won't be able to do the things for me that he
feels he should. He's afraid that if he loves me, he'll fail me. As
friends, failure is nothing more than something which is destined to
happen simply because of other things such as classwork, exams and
other bothersome interruptions. He fears what will be.
And what about me? Do I fear what will be? Do I fear the change that
will come with having someone special at my side? I asked myself one
time, and the answer did not come. Neither yes or no formed inside my
heart. And then I knew what he was feeling. What he calls honor I
have no name for.
I love him. It took quite a while before I was able to allow myself
that peaceful tad of knowledge, and when it came, I felt the first
twinge of fear. Love... that most elusive of prizes... was finally
mine. And I did not want any part of it. I wanted him to stand
beside me, as he always did. I wanted to hear his lips say, "I Love
You." I wanted it all, and yet feared the actual obtainment of Love.
This is what he feared.
Sex? Useless. I could no more use sex to catch him than he could on
me. Sure... I have used my body to capture the heart of whichever
fling I wanted in the past. But they were nothing more than dicks
that I used when I didn't want to buy batteries for my vibrator or
waste the energy to finger myself. He would not be a fling. He would
be a true lover. When we had sex, it would be between two people...
two souls... who loved each other. I can see my lips as they trail
down his chest. I can feel his fingers as they trace the outline of
my breasts.
yet, with all I know and feel and believe... I fear him as he fears
me. I will no longer be the sole pillar in my life. He will be
another. There will be us against whatever the Universe throws at us.
We will have to stand strong together, or fall. When we hold hands
and walk where we will, we will be loudly proclaiming to all who will
and cannot hear that our love is true and strong. I will have to face
those who feel that he is not worthy. I will hear the snickers of my
friends and enemies. I will be alone, and he will be with me. When
we make love, it will be one soul... one mind... one body. Pleasure I
get I will give to him. Pain I feel he will share in equal measure.
When. When did it happen? When did I fall in love with someone I
consider closer than a brother? When did he see this and become
afraid? When did I begin to see through his eyes, and know fear?
When? I do not know. I do not know many things. What would happen
to our friendship if our love did fall? What would become of me?
What of him? Where would we be?
In many ways, a good fuck from a nameless stranger would be better
that this unknown thing before me. A stiff cock blasting away in my
cunt would feel infinitely more soothing that the doubts and questions
and emptiness of answers unspoken. Sucking on a boner would be my
pacifier. Even feeling a dick ream out my asshole would be good. But
I don't need them. I need him. I need him like a man in the desert
need water to live.
Yet I hear one word. it does not blare in my mind; it simply is
spoken. The voice reminds me of my grandfather. Patience. Over and
over again. One word... so many emotions. Will I wait for him? Will
he wait for me? Will we be able to weather the chaotic storm fear has
birthed within us both? When will the storm stop? When will the
tears of angels stop falling upon us? When will I know pleasure
within his arms? When?
There he is. I cannot tell what lies within his mind, he keeps his
eyes lowered. Were I after another fling, I would begin plotting for
my next fuck, knowing this one is lost. But I cannot. I wait. When.
When.
(dez187lm@hotmail.com)
--
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