Message-ID: <10919eli$9805061340@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
From: "trixie" <trixie_pixie@hotmail.com>
Subject: First try: critisism needed
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
Path: qz!not-for-mail
Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam
Approved: <usenet-approval@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded <story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Story-Submission: <story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Original-Message-ID: <01bd785d$b58dc260$866aa1cf@crnqusvf>


This is my first posting here (in the form of a story, that is) and i'd
just like some feed-back on it. Like, am i repeating myself, or could i be
using differeng discriptions, or anything. Any comments would be GREATLY
appreciated. I'm not done writing it, and ultimately, it's intended to be
for a friend. (He liked something i wrote in the bast, so i decided to
write one for him.)
Anyhow, thanks in advance for anything you have to say, good or bad,
trixie
--------------------


She told him to take his shirt off and began stroking the skin of his back.
She couldn't tell what was muscle and what needed to be unknotted, because
the whole of him was so wonderfully hard. And his skin was so soft! She
kneaded the back of his neck as he sat on the edge of the bed.
"As soon as I'm done this cigarette, it's your turn, you know," he told
her.
"No!" she whined, leaning forward and resting her chin on his shoulder. "I
want to massage you." 
"Nope." She could hear him smiling. "As soon as I'm done this."
She continued massaging his back and told him to smoke slowly. There was
nothing she preferred, so far, to touching him.
Her fingers explored his back - more to her own pleasure than his - and
touched the places that usually aggravated her: small of the back, base of
the neck, between the shoulders. 
Then he leaned forward and butted out the cigarette, killing it (which
amused her probably too much) before leaving it in the ashtray.
"Okay, lie down," he instructed.
"Awww!" she protested. It was half-assed and they both knew it. She went on
her stomach, not concerned at all about how she looked. She rested her head
on her forearms, which lay on the pillow. Then he put one leg on either
side of her and sat lightly. His legs shook slightly.
He lifted the back of her camisole top so that her back was exposed. She
heard the top of the moisturizer bottle snap and heard him squeezing it
into his hands. Then he rubbed his hands together like she had to warm up
the cold lotion.
And then his warm hands were on her back.
She closed her eyes and arched slightly (imperceptibly, she hoped) and
cat-like into his hands. They made her feel so small! She had been so
worried that hands on her would give away how not small she felt, but she
felt tiny. And his hands felt massive and wonderful against her.
It was wonderful. He stroked the aloe-rich lotion into her skin and gently
smoothed out the knots. 
His thumbs pressed beside her spine between the small of her back and her
shoulder blades. They oscillated slightly, pressing into her.
"Do you feel that?" he asked.
"Mm-hmm," she responded. 
He continued to coax out all the sore bits. His hands only leaving her back
to either get more lotion or to lift the satiny top slightly higher.
"When's the last time you had a massage?" he asked.
She was practically falling asleep under him. "Never," she told him.
His hands stopped and he moved slightly so he could look at her face.
"Never?" He sounded disbelieving.
"Nope."
He continued. 
He pulled at one of the little straps to get at her shoulder.
"I could take it off, you know," she smiled.
The little top was discarded.
Eventually, when her back felt wonderfully manipulated, he tugged at the
tap-pant style panties. He lowered them past her bum - which she normally
would have protested, but everything he did felt so nice - and got more
moisturizer.  He started to smooth it over her lower back, waist, and
butt-cheeks.
His legs were still shaking.
"If you put more weight on me, your legs would stop shaking," she told him.
"Yeah, but I don't want to smush you," came the argument.
"You won't."
He let a little bit more weight down and his legs stopped shaking as much.
They still shook a little, though, because he didn't want to sit directly
on her.
He was finishing up the massage of her lower back, when he muttered, "Turn
over."
He got off, allowing her to do as much.
Then he smiled at her. "Because I'm not done."
She smiled up at him. He told her to close her eyes and not to open them.
Still smiling, and not saying a word, she closed them.
Once again, she heard the bottle (and was suddenly very glad she'd thought
of bringing it) and the sound the stuff made between his hands.  Then he
caressed her stomach and ribs, the viscosity of the lotion allowing for
such smooth movement. His hands traveled across her skin and up to her
breasts. She tilted her head back slightly and sighed. Every touch was
warm. Every sensation was wonderful. He made her feel beautiful and small
and she loved it.
He removed the tap-pants.
Then he moved the massage to her thighs, teasing the insides, touching
every nerve, doing everything so right. She sides of his hands grazed - not
at all unintentionally, she was sure - her sex and she squirmed a little.
He bade her through touch to open her legs slightly more and she did. He
continued to stroke her legs, but she felt what he was doing, so
anticipated it.
He leaned forward and gently kissed between her legs. Her knees buckled
slightly and he kissed again.
She opened her eyes and looked down at him.
He was positioned somewhat precariously because of the proximity of the
edge of the bed. He was almost parallel to her, but facing the other way.
She sighed as she felt his tongue against her. Her hand moved to stroke the
back of his thigh, then she snaked it around up to his groin. She brought
the other hand to join it and tugged lightly at his leg.
He continued to kiss at her; touching her with his lips, his tongue.
Breathing at her, teasing.
She pulled again at his leg. He didn't move.
"Move your leg," she told him, her voice low, "Come here."
He looked up at her. His boxers came off and he shifted his weight.
He had one leg on either side of her, on his knees, stretched out over top
of her. He resumed what he had been doing.
She looked up at his hardness, deciding where to start. Then she reached up
and stroked it gently, inspiration hitting her again. She lifted her head
and ran her tongue along the underside. Then, no hesitation, she put her
hands around it and took the tip into her mouth. She licked along the head,
circling it with her tongue. He moaned lightly and her eyes closed, as she
savoured the delicious sound. She started to suck at him, rubbing the parts
that he lips neglected with her fingers. 
The way he tasted!! She loved it. She moved her lips slowly along him,
taking him into her mouth. (Not as much as when he had pumped his hips, but
enough that she had to extend her jaw a little.) She caressed his sex with
her tongue and lips, careful, this time, to be more aware of her teeth. So
involved was she in what she was doing, that she hadn't realized that he'd
stopped.
When it hit her, she let go of him and looked down into his eyes.
They were slightly glazed and the look on his face betrayed his pleasure.
She locked on to his beautiful eyes.
He shifted again, moving to lie beside her. 
Her hands went to stroke him. They cupped his testicles and rubbed between
his legs. She loved the way he felt in her hands. She loved the way his
eyes fluttered slightly when she did something right. 
He moved his hips in time with her hand, so she syncopated her movement.
The hand that worked the shaft of his dick moved to one rhythm, while the
one that stroked the skin behind his sack moved to another.  He kept
pressing into her hands, his own rhythm erratic and indecisive. 
His arms moved around her. He pulled her on top of him and held her tight
to his chest. She kissed his neck and his left ear. He held her tighter and
pressed his hips up into hers. Her eyes closed. He felt wonderful. He was
so strong. Everything he did was entirely masculine and radiated strength.
How he pushed up into her was no exception. The tip of him grazed against
her and her mind snapped back to reality. She whispered into his ear about
protection, and he laughed quietly.
"I wasn't so sure you wanted that yet," he smiled.
She smiled back, and he hugged her tighter.
"What makes you so sure I want it yet?" he added.
She lifted herself up a bit and smiled more broadly down at him. She snaked
her hand back down his stomach and slid it around him again. The decided
change in breathing encouraged her, so she kissed a brief trail to his
hips. She pulled at him again, massaging, using both hands. This time
harder than before. She was getting more confident. Her hands never stopped
until she saw a tiny bead of clear fluid at the head. She leaned forward
and kissed it away, tracing her tongue against him. Then she kissed her way
along his length, and slipped her mouth around him, pressing her lips into
the soft skin. 
At first, her lips were too dry to allow for much movement, but she paused
occasionally to lick them, and to lick him, and it became easier to move up
and down on his cock. He placed his hands on her, holding her down to him,
and pushed gently up with his hips. She loved it. Her left hand came into
play and encircled the base of his sex. She took as much into her mouth as
she could, but there was too much of him, so she had to use her hand to
complete the sensation she wanted to give him.
Eventually, she slowed down and kissed him, rather than suck. Her hands
traveled up to stroke his stomach (which she had fallen in love with), and
he touched them and pulled her up. 
She nuzzled into him and kissed his neck.
He rolled them both over with an impressive ease and bore his weight down
on her. His lips traced the side of her face and down to her ear. She
closed her eyes, ran her fingers over his hard back, and cocked her head to
allow him whatever he had in mind.
His wonderful tongue moved along the edge of her ear. She heard him
breathing; felt him breathing. She could feel his soft lips hovering so
close that the heat from his skin transferred to her pinna. Each touch was
so minute that, when his tongue reached and touched past the outer ear and
he licked at her, she nearly shivered. It amazed her that something so
small (and cliche) as someone's tongue in her ear could feel so nice. Her
hand moved up the back of his neck and caressed his head. She moved subtly
to kiss his lips. He kissed back beautifully and pressed down at her again.
She pushed back. 
Once again, he didn't slip inside her easily. And, again, he had to
position himself against her. But he was so patient and careful, that she
didn't feel at all awkward or embarrassed. She figured that he'd probably
had to do this many times. 
Her arms moved around him convulsively and she made small, involuntary
sounds. He nuzzled his face against hers and eased off slightly. He moved
his lips close to her ear again and reassured her:
"Shh… it gets easier."
"I know," she responded, and he pushed slowly, but firmly down at her
again.
She sighed with relief when he slid past and inside her. 
Whispered: "There." But she wasn't sure which one of them had said it.
He moved smoothly against her, and she pushed back. He felt wonderful
inside of her. Thick and good. She thought she could feel every texture and
every movement as he pushed deeper inside her. She felt the heat from his
body and trenched her fingers against his back, holding him closer to her.
He sped slightly and she held on even tighter. She felt her own body
temperature begin to rise. She didn't notice her breathing changing. He
bore down harder into her. His back slickened slightly with sweat. She
lifted up to him, feeling his stomach against hers and his wonderful cock
inside her. She sighed and lost the feeling.
He leaned up to look at her, his hard sheath still inside her. His eyes met
hers and he stared down at her.
"You sounded so close, baby," he said, his face puzzled and veiled in a
fine mist of his salty sweat. Her arms loosened around him and she gazed up
at him.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Here," he muttered, pulling himself out of her and easing his weight off.
He kneeled by her legs and told her to roll over on to her stomach.
She did.
His hands went to her hips and pulled her up to her knees. She could feel
him kneeling behind her on the bed. He indicated by touch again that she
should spread her legs, so she did. He was so close to her. He touched her
with one hand and used the other to guide his dick, rubbing it against her
to find the right spot. He told her to go up on all fours, then pulled her
up again. She moved to the position he wanted. He moved closer to her and
pushed against her. He slid in easier this time. 


-- 
+--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+
| story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us |