Message-ID: <857eli$9705212150@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Archived-At: <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/Year97/857>
Path: qz!news.accessus.net!not-for-mail
X-Path-Preload: news.accessus.net preloaded to thwart rogue canceller there
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d
Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam
Approved: <usenet-approval@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded <story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Story-Submission: <story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celestial Reviews 183 - May 21
X-Is-Review: yes
Celestial Reviews 183 - May 21, 1997
Note: Gramma and Grampa are sitting out on the front porch one day in their
rockers, when Grampa says to Gramma, "Wanna fuck?"
Well, they sit there in silence, rocking for a while, and then Gramma says,
"Wanna fuck?"
Again the silence and rocking continues for quite some time, until finally
Grampa speaks up and says, "This oral sex ain't all it's cracked up to be ...
!"
Second Note: My compliments to the author(s) of the Annex Reviews. I have
seen three issues so far, and they have been well done.
Third Note: Remember the Third Annual Celestial Writing Contest. The rules
are that the story must in some way be about sex and must be restricted to
500 words or less. In addition, the story should include some sort of
unusual twist - like the unexpected self-revelation Robert Browning's poem
"My Last Duchess" or the surprise endings in several of Vickie Tern's
"Teasers" or Deirdre's stories. If you wish, you can submit several
super-short stories together (as Vickie Tern has now done on two occasions),
or you can post them separately under separate titles. However, I'll give
first prize to the best STORY, not to the best collection. The deadline for
submissions will be June 3, which my calendar tells me is the date on which
the Catholic Church will celebrate the feast of St. Charles Lwanga and his
companions.
Fourth Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Charly the Yard Guy" by Michael K. Smith (romance)
10, 10, 10
"How to Write Stories Good" by Michael K. Smith (writing
advice) 10, 10, 10
"Nope. They Can't Mow The Lawn" by Dr. D. (vegetable &
anal sex) 9, 7, 10
"Beverly Hills, 90210: Bed Rest" by Reverend Jim (TV parody)
10, 8, 8
"HypnoTV: Melrose Place" by MAW (TV parody) 10, 6, 6
"Fantasy 1.0" by Wiley06 (gangbang) 10, 10, 10
"Art Appreciation" by Taria (sexual variety) 10, 10, 10
"Alone" by Dennis (cybersex fantasy) 9, 8, 9
"Fun In The Tub" by MIKE HUNT (hmm....) 10, 9, 9
"Cold" by George Stapanek (cold mf sex) 10, 6, 5
* "Fools Rush In" by Joe Parsons (phone sex) 10, 9, 9
* "Angelic Interlude" by Joe Parsons (meeting the cyber-
lover) 10, 10, 10
* "Encounter at Green's Rock" by Joe Parsons (going home again)
10, 10, 10
* "When Morning Comes" by Joe Parsons (dream lover)
10, 9.5, 9.5
* "Livinia" by Friar Dave (complex romance) 9.5, 10, 10
* "One Moment in Time" by D.B. (romantic fling) 9, 10, 10
* "Getting It Right" by Michael K. Smith (young romance)
10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted)
"Charly the Yard Guy" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith1@swbell.net). Yard-guy sex
is actually a fairly popular topic when women meet in sewing circles, at the
hairdresser's, or even at PTA executive meetings. There's something about a
muscular young man in a sweaty tee-shirt that outlines and emphasizes those
muscles that brings out the libido in the everyday housewife. I don't
personally know anyone who has actually fucked her yard guy, but I have heard
some wild claims and have had lots of friends who have incorporated the yard
guy into fantasies later in the evening.
Come to think of it, I DID make love to my yard guy just last week, but I had
him take a shower with me first to get rid of all those little pieces of
grass and herbicides that aren't really all that sexy. Of course, the
mitigating circumstance in my case is that I am married to my yard guy.
Anyway, in the present story Charly the Yard Guy is actually Charlene the
16-year-old Yard Girl, who takes over the job of doing extensive yard work
for the 35-year-old neighbor when her brothers can no longer do the work.
She quickly becomes more than a yard worker. Although the older man tries
to resist the relationship, they fall in love and move swiftly along to a
tender and happy ending.
There are people who would label this a pedophile relationship, but that's a
silly oversimplification. I'm not sure about this (in fact, I'm just making
it up), but I think the odds for happiness would actually be in FAVOR of a
really responsible and sensitive 16-year-old who wanted to develop a mature
relationship with a 35-year-old man - as long as the man is also a mature,
sensible man rather than a horny asshole. The main reason to discourage such
relationships is that the result would be a tremendous loss of worthwhile
women from the dating pool for horny 16-year-old boys who couldn't compete
with the sophistication and sensitivity of their more mature competitors.
If my daughter finds this story, I want to remind her that not all that many
middle-aged men who flirt with teenagers are as wonderful as the guy in this
story. I would also like to remind the guy that statutory rape is still a
punishable offense that is prosecuted in most jurisdictions in the western
world.
Some people are put off by stories about taboo subjects. It's important to
keep in mind that people are interested in taboo subjects because to some
extent these topics ARE fascinating and attractive. There have been numerous
great books in literature and award-winning films in which the "forbidden
relationship" plays a tantalizing part. What will happen when the
strong-willed vivacious southern belle falls in love with a man who is
married to someone else or with a man whose allegiance to the South is
seriously questioned? What will happen when Gregory Peck is assigned to an
air base in England during World War II and faces the extraordinary danger of
probably dying in battle far away from his wife at home while he is in close
contact with a beautiful British woman? What will happen when a widower who
is ready to marry the beautiful love of his life and resume his normal
existence is suddenly confronted by his former wife, who wasn't dead after
all but has merely been the victim of amnesia?
Blindly denying that these stories are interesting does not reduce their
attractiveness. In real life, situations like these may cause really serious
complications and emotional problems. I used to be amazed (watching reruns,
of course) at how much stress Little Joe used to be able to tolerate on the
Ponderosa. The poor guy had a fiancee die at least every fourth episode, his
parents or brothers kidnapped almost weekly, and he had amnesia at least
twice a year. The poor little kid on The Rifleman had it even worse: each
week, a group of homicidal maniacs would rob a bank, beat up his father,
kidnap him (I think his name was Marcus), and repulse his father (Lucas) the
first time he tried to rescue him. Then these assholes would be in position
to kill both Marcus and Lucas and sometimes also Micah plus an itinerant
neighbor, when the Old Man would whip out his rifle and kill all six of the
bad guys on the spot. In real life, that's stress; but that's what fiction
is for.
Getting back to sex, I think it's a really bad idea for a man to get into a
relationship with a sexy nymphomaniac who eventually refuses to let go of him
and boils the family rabit on the kitchen stove or for a woman to become a
call girl that gets sent on a shopping spree by a handsome rich guy with whom
she eventually falls in love. It's not all that likely that such stories
would have happy endings in real life; but "Fatal Attraction" and "Pretty
Woman" are really good movies. Worrying about the moral ambiguity of these
movies simply makes it less likely that you will enjoy them or profit from
the vicarious experiences they convey.
So if any of you assholes out there decide to seduce my teenage daughter, you
can assume that your life will become stressful. I'll grant the POSSIBILITY
that she might become happy with a guy twice her age; and in fact, if things
happened to her just the way they happen in this story, that would be just
swell. But I'm going to bet on her having a lot of fun with kids her own age
and marrying a guy I consider to be a kid and all that neat kind of crap.
Ratings for "Charly the Yard Guy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"How to Write Stories Good" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith1@swbell.net). My
system of ratings doesn't actually apply to this essay, because it's not
really a "story." It's really just good advice for people who want to write
stories. However, I thought I should give this essay high ratings just to
increase the probability that aspiring writers will read it.
This author goes into greater detail than I do, but here are the five
guidelines from my FAQ that I give to budding writers of erotica who feel
they are being neglected by their public:
(a) Have an angle (topic, point of view, or whatever you want to call it)
and introduce it early. Give the readers a reason to want to read the story.
(b) Don't waste your time with irrelevant details.
(c) Use an effective writing style. It is sometimes effective to write in a
deliberately illiterate style in order to achieve an effect; but even people
who say they don't care about grammar become turned off when writing becomes
just plain confusing.
(d) Make the sex scenes achieve the effect you want. For example, not all
erotic stories are supposed to be "hot"; but if yours is supposed to be
arousing, you yourself should become at least moderately aroused when you
reread the story. Try to look at the story from the point of view of your
readers. If you expect to turn on respectable but sexy high school English
teachers, try to imagine someone of that description reading your story and
imagine how she will feel while she is reading your words.
(e) Follow rules for good grammar, such as those posted in my Celestial
Grammar and Advanced Celestial Grammar.
My guidelines never contradict Smith's, but I'd advise you to pay greater
attention to his, since he is a proven, successful author.
Ratings for "How to Write Stories Good"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Nope. They Can't Mow The Lawn" by Dr. D. (THC Repost). I have to admit
that the only reason I read this story was that it mentioned mowing the lawn.
I figured it would contrast nicely with the preceding story. Actually, this
is a well-told story about a guy who fucks his wife in the ass while he
simultaneously works over her pussy with a large cucumber. It's so crazy, it
just might work!
Ratings for "Nope. They Can't Mow The Lawn"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Beverly Hills, 90210: Bed Rest" by Reverend Jim (RvrendJim@aol.com). Kelly
and Valerie do not get along. If you didn't already know that, you probably
won't enjoy this story. The plot is not exactly creative; it's enjoyable
primarily because it is easy for fans to picture these characters from the
Fox television show and to imagine the irony of these two little sex kittens
exchanging mutual pleasure.
Incidentally, I don't at all approve of this sort of sexual activity. Common
sense says that if you have intense oral sex with a person who has the flu,
you're going to catch the disease yourself.
Ratings for "Bed Rest"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"HypnoTV: Melrose Place" by MAW (MS4EVER321@aol.com). This story incorporates
mind control through hypnosis into a couple of story lines based on the
Melrose Place television series. First Amanda hypnotizes Alison and makes
her exchange sexual pleasantries. Of course, she also gives her a
post-hypnotic suggestion which will turn her back into a sex slave upon
command.
In a separate sequence Sydney makes love to Kimberly and then describes to
her how she had used hypnosis to seduce the cold-hearted Jane. Next Sydney
and Kimberly go out and reactivate the old hypnosis trigger on Jane, and then
they bring Jo into the action. Finally, Sydney and Kimberly go to New York
and meet Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica and do the story by this author that I
reviewed last week.
As I have said many times, I find it to be really simplistic (and
uninteresting) to suggest that people are likely to become sexual slaves
through just a few seconds of staring at a magic ruby or candle. The author
admits this problem, but just admitting it doesn't make it stop being a
problem. Maybe Melrosers who are already fascinated by mind control or
accept the notion of easy hypnosis-for-sex will greatly enjoy the image of
the people from Melrose Place doing kinky things to one another.
This author is not a bad writer. She just needs to work on her plots. Right
now she is operating on the assumption that simply inserting mind control and
sex into stories with familiar characters will result in sexually stimulating
stories. It's not quite that easy: not all mind control stories with good
grammar are automatically good. I would suggest looking at some of the
stories by RC, who specializes in this genre. The five best mind control
stories I have ever read are "Trances" by Michael K. Smith, "Reward" by Bill
Green, "Wet Dreams" by Backrub, "All We Like Sheep" by MC Woodsmoke, and
"Experiment" by Deirdre. Each of these stories integrates mind control with
a sound plot structure to generate a truly erotic story. If this author
would incorporate similar strategies, she would possibly produce some good
stories.
An additional problem with this story is that the Amanda and Alison part
seems to be entirely unrelated to the other three segments. I would
recommend focusing on a single story line.
Ratings for "HypnoTV: Melrose Place"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character):6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Fantasy 1.0" by Wiley06 (reposted by Mr. Double (mrdouble@ix.netcom.com)).
This author has run the gamut of my ratings. I have rated his stories as
low as 1 and as high as 10. I suspect he would agree with my ratings: he
knows how to write exceedingly well; it's just that sometimes he doesn't
bother to develop his stories as fully as possible.
Another thing about this author is that he makes me nervous. I think he
would be proud of that fact. When I read his stories I feel someone leering
at me; I don't quite feel safe. Wiley doesn't write romances.
A final thing about Wiley is that he changes his number every year. When I
first found his stories he was Wiley03. Last year he was Wiley05. By now
he's probably Wiley07. My theory is that at the turn of the millennium he'll
change his name to Smiley01 and write romances.
In this story the narrator spots a cute, wholesome teenager at a bus stop
with her mother and fantasizes about all the neat things that he and his
friends could do to her at a fraternity gangbang. Like I said, Wiley0x makes
me nervous, and he's not writing romances yet.
Ratings for "Fantasy 1.0"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character):10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Art Appreciation" by Taria (Taria29b@aol.com). The woman is genuinely pissed
off because she has been standing in the cold, waiting for her husband, who
is late again. When she discovers that she has been standing in front of an
art gallery, she goes inside, where she discovers that the gallery is
displaying the works of Andres - "Andres Presents the History of Sex," to be
precise. The display turns her on and reminds her of a nearby sex shoppe, and
she goes to that store and acquires some sextoys. She takes the next day off
and stays home and plays with herself, while her husband goes to work. The
self-stimulation is extremely erotic, but the best part is the creative use
of a dildo during subsequent ff sexual activity with a friend. Next we are
treated to her voyeurism, while she watches her husband masturbate with a
dildo. Say what? Is this guy kinky or something?
Well, I guess he is kinky; but his wife incorporates his fantasies into a
memorable session of teasing and anal lovemaking. The author does an
excellent job of describing interesting and sexy details of the lovemaking
session.
Ratings for "Art Appreciation"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Alone" by Dennis (wooly@coin.csnet.net). This is a story about a man who
feels lonely at the end of a difficult day and fantasizes about the woman
with whom he has been engaging in cybersex. Normally I have trouble enjoying
stories that are written from one person to another and then simply
transposed onto a.s.s. as a "story." Usually such stories fail to catch an
audience beyond the person for whom they were originally intended. This one
is different. Somehow - even though it seems to have been written for a
person other than myself - it manages to attract me as a sort of voyeur,
watching that original imaginary relationship. This author could use some
work on plot and character development, but this is already pretty good
material - especially for a first effort.
Ratings for "Alone"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Fun In The Tub" by MIKE HUNT (M1kehunt@aol.com). Question: Oh great and wise
guru, is it worse to be pissed off or to be pissed on? Answer: Worst of all
is to be pissed off because you have been pissed on.
Once upon a time, Mike and June were having marital difficulties. Instead of
going to a marriage counselor or to a former classmate in Maine, they went to
a motel in Denver and ordered a 6-pack of Coors beer from room service. Then
they played sex slaves. Somehow the sex slavery got fixated on delaying the
onset of intinction, the difficulty of which was augmented by extensive
imbibing. You can look all that up in your Funk and Wagnalls. After June
gets pissed off because she can't piss, Mike gets pissed off because June
reciprocates. Then they laugh like bunnies in heat, and this solves their
marital problems. Or something like that.
Ratings for "Fun In The Tub"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Cold" by George Stapanek (A+ Story). If you're into ennui or existential
angst, you might enjoy this story more than I did. It left me cold. The man
fucks the woman, but neither shows much emotion or enjoys it very much. Ray
N. Velez liked this story; otherwise he wouldn't have posted it as an A+
story. This is short enough (484 words) to have been submitted for the Third
Annual Celestial Story Contest (deadline June 3). But it wouldn't have won.
It left me cold.
Ratings for "Cold"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
* "Fools Rush In" by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com). I enjoy a creative
commercial now and then. My favorite television ad right now is the one
where the man is seeing a woman off at a train station and they are quickly
writing and displaying messages to each other as he runs down the platform
while the train begins to depart. Suddenly, she holds up a note that says
"Post" (or maybe it's "Pole"). He looks confused but keeps running - then he
crashes into a lamppost.
The present story is actually a commercial; but it's a very creative plug for
the author's phone-sex service. The story is about Gush Plumbob, the idol of
Real Americans across the Fruited Plain, who runs a radio talk show. One
day, while he's on the air denouncing commies and advertising Spotted Owl
Delicacies, he receives a call from a sexy woman, who leaves him her phone
number, which is not 1-900-HOT-CHIX, but supplies a similar service. Gush
calls her back and has the orgasm of his life right there on line, and
afterwards he feels compelled to turn the portraits of Senators McCarthy,
Helms, and Gingrich so that they face the wall instead of staring at him in
lofty grandeur from his office. {We can tell this is fiction, because there
is no Senator Gingrich among the Real Americans.}
Some people object to the notion that a person would use this newsgroup to
advertise a commercial service. I don't. In each case, this author gives us
the entire story. He doesn't tantalize us, get us hooked, and then make us
pay to hear the end of the story. We just read his stories and then see his
ad for his phone service at the end. I have never called Joe's phone
service, and I don't intend to. But if everybody who posts a spam message on
this newsgroup would also supply a fresh story as good as those by this
author, I would be a very happy camper.
Ratings for "Fools Rush In"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Angelic Interlude" by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com). The man and woman
have communicated for some time through cyberspace. They have never met, but
she has described her fantasies of what she would like to do to him. Now she
is coming to visit him in person, and he is waiting for her plane at the
airport. Her name is Angel; hence the title.
I guess almost everybody who reads stories on this newsgroup has a fantasy of
this happening - even those of us who have no intention of ever consummating
such a relationship. Of course, this is just the cyberspace version of the
old honky-tonk romance that the country-western singers tell us about. The
odds are actually pretty remote that a guy will have the three best orgasms
of his life within an hour after getting out of the car in a wilderness
clearing after picking up his mysterious lover at the airport. But isn't it
pretty to think so?
So the storyline is trite, but it's well written and just plain hot sex.
Ratings for "Angelic Interlude"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Encounter at Green's Rock" by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com). The woman
has decided to visit the island area in Maine that she used to haunt with her
cousins during her childhood. She comes upon a teenage boy masturbating; and
after watching him, she makes tender love to him. This main event is
surrounded by numerous reflections on her own sexual development. This is a
well-written, sensitive, erotic story.
Ratings for "Encounter at Green's Rock"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "When Morning Comes" by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com). Ellen has a kind
and gentle lover who does everything he can to meet her needs; but she longs
for someone who will dominate her. She wakens from a dream and finds a
stranger in her bedroom, who does to her all that she had dreamed of and
more. Was it a dream or reality? You read it and decide for yourself.
Ratings for "When Morning Comes"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
* "Livinia" by Friar Dave. Hubris can be a serious problem. The term refers
to "an overweening pride" or over-confidence typically shown by heroes in
classical tragedies immediately before their downfall. I haven't used the
word "overweening" since I wrote that definition on an exam nearly 20 years
ago; but I have had my share of hubris. In the present case, I figured that
I knew Friar Dave so well that after I had read in Part 1 about him having
passionate sex with a hot Filipino woman with a cute daughter, I figured I
had the story pretty well figured out. They would make love in numerous
interesting ways; he would become a devoted father figure for the daughter;
and Livinia and our hero would get married and live happily ever after.
Then at the beginning of Part 2 my mind was jarred to discover that the hero
already had a wonderful but open relationship with another beautiful woman
who sometimes liked the same ladies that the hero liked. That's hubris for
you. The opposite of hubris is Socratic humility; and it will be more useful
in the present situation. I know nothing except that I know nothing about
this story, and I had better get back to it. It sounds both hot and
interesting.
Surprises abound in this story. Soon we learn that Livinia was essentially a
sex slave in the Philippines, but through some good luck she managed to get
away with her daughter to the United States. We also discover that Livinia
has a confused sister with some lesbian proclivities, and that Livinia is one
of those proclivities.
In addition to teaching English I have done a lot of work with sexually
abused women. The main difference between Livinia and most of the woman who
have been through similar experiences is that she is still alive and even
adaptively functional at the age of 30.
The story is realistic, sensitive, and sexy. Friar Dave's writing style is
not as sharp as it has been in most of his other stories, but maybe he got
wrapped up in the plot too. I found this to be a most enjoyable story.
Ratings for "Livinia"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "One Moment in Time" by D.B. This story was originally posted by Michael K.
Smith "for a friend" who had written it but could not post it herself,
because she is a teacher in a public school and could therefore not engage in
public impropriety. How quaint! The present reposting is by a person named
Clayton, who has reposted quite a few really good stories recently. I have
no idea whether this author has posted any additional stories, or (if so)
what name she now uses. If anyone knows the answers to these questions, I'd
like to hear the information, since this is a potentially excellent author.
This story describes the passionate attraction that develops when a married
man falls in love with a married woman at first sight and decides to take the
chance to act on that attraction. I've felt these attractions myself, and so
has my husband. I'm pretty sure that in real life acting on these
attractions is more likely to lead to an ending like that in the movie "Fatal
Attraction" or at least screw up one's family life pretty badly; but it sure
is fun to read about one of these fantasies working out so well. This is
really hot stuff!
Ratings for "One Moment in Time"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Getting It Right (A Beginning)" by Michael K. Smith
(mksmith@taproot.win.net). Without ruining the plot for you, I can't really
tell you much about this story, except that it's a well-written, realistic
portrayal of adolescent romance. If you're looking for something to turn you
on real fast, this would be a bad choice; but if you want a story that's
likely to remind you of something from your own adolescence, this may be a
good one.
Ratings for "Getting It Right"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
--
+--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+
| story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us |
| Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ |
\ <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/> .../assm/faq.html> /