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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celestial Reviews 182 - May 17
X-Is-Review: yes
Celestial Reviews 182 - May 17, 1997
Note: One of the most frequent and valid criticisms of my reviews is that I
give too many high ratings. During one particularly good streak I gave 42
out of 100 stories straight 10's. If my goal were to give you a way to find
the absolutely best stories, this method would be extremely ineffective.
Some people explain my high ratings by saying that I am "too nice." I think
the better explanation is that I am looking for certain characteristics and a
very large number of stories that catch my attention possess these qualities.
Indeed, since I go out of my way to find stories with these characteristics,
it's not surprising that I find a lot of stories that receive a
disproportionate number of positive ratings.
If you want to learn something about a story, I urge you to read the entire
review instead of just looking at the ratings. The narrative commentary is
likely to help you decide whether you will like a story. But keep in mind
that if you read a story with high ratings, you are likely to find that it's
a good story.
Please also keep in mind that I am NOT trying to be a grammar elitist. I do
NOT believe that the person with the most perfect grammar is the best author;
if I did, I would like Henry James a lot more than I do. Some critics have
suggested that I should ignore grammar. That's nonsense. If the way a
person writes makes it difficult to understand a story, ANYBODY (not just an
English teacher) will be annoyed by that kind of grammar. Likewise, if a
person writes in such a way as to make it easy or fun to follow a story,
ANYBODY (not just an English teacher) will appreciate that style. If people
make occasional grammar mistakes, I do not "dock" them points, even if I
mention the errors for the amusement or edification of my readers.
Second Note: I was shocked! You know how in the comics they use "Zzzz" to
indicate that a person is snoring? If you have Microsoft Word, type those
letters and then run a spellcheck. See what Mr. Gates offers as a
suggestion!
Third Note: Remember the Third Annual Celestial Writing Contest. The rules
are that the story must in some way be about sex and must be restricted to
500 words or less. In addition, the story should include some sort of
unusual twist - like the unexpected self-revelation Robert Browning's poem
"My Last Duchess" or the surprise endings in several of Vickie Tern's
"Teasers" or Deirdre's stories. If you wish, you can submit several
super-short stories together (as Vickie Tern has now done on two occasions),
or you can post them separately under separate titles. However, I'll give
first prize to the best STORY, not to the best collection. The deadline for
submissions will be June 3, which my calendar tells me is the date on which
the Catholic Church will celebrate the feast of St. Charles Lwanga and his
companions.
Fourth Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"May" by Eli the Bearded (work break) 9.5, 10, 10
"The Truth May be Hard to Swallow" by Renae Nicks (oral sex)
10, 9, 9
"Graham" by Ruthless (pedophile) 9, 10, 10
"Rejected Again by Penthouse Magazine" (humor)
10, 9, 9
"Women Are Stupid" by Mike Hunt (pickup system)
10, 10, 10
"HypnoTV: Friends" by MAW (sitcom parody with mind control)
10, 8, 6
"At the Doctor's Office" by Frank McCoy (bizarre medical exam)
9, 6, 6
"memory of techno man" by Sweet Guy (mindless drivel) 1, 1, 1
"Three's Company: ... All Cats Are Gray" by Uncle Mike (sitcom
parody) 10, 9, 9
"My Dream" by Anne Bingham (erotic dreams) 9, 8, 9
* "Caitlin's Tale" by Lysander (medieval romance) 10, 8, 8
* "Summer Dreams" by Lysander (romance) 10, 10, 10
* "Night of the Wolves" by Lysander (bestiality) 10, 9.5, 10
* "Droit du Signeur" by Lysander (history & romance) 10, 8, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted)
"May" by Eli the Bearded (usenet-tag@qz.little-neck.ny.us). The man has been
working too hard late at night, when the woman (May) arrives and takes him
outside into the darkness for a quickie on a blanket in a grove of trees.
This is very sexy stuff - the sort of things Robert Frost skipped when he
told us about New England.
Ratings for "May"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Truth May be Hard to Swallow" by Renae Nicks (RenaeNicks@aol.com). Have
you ever had that argument that begins, "Honey, what could I do to make sex
better for you?" Usually, it doesn't start as an argument, and the partner
usually has the sense to respond with, "You do everything just fine." When I
want to avoid the issue, my usual line is, "Just keep doing what you're
doing." If it ain't broke, don't fix it. However, in this story the woman
persists with her loving interrogation, and the guy finally says that "it
would be nice if she would let him come in her mouth." But then he adds, "Of
course, I don't think you should. I mean, that's just too much to ask." In
fact, he honestly admits that if she were shooting the spermatozoa, he will
not much like to swallow it himself.
Well, the truth may be hard to swallow, but she decides to take a shot at it,
so to speak. She discovers that she likes it just fine, and the next day she
enjoys sex with her lover in her parents' kitchen. The descriptions of sex
are vivid and hot.
Incidentally, my husband and I have had this conversation and have enacted
this sequence pretty much as described in this story. I think it's important
to realize that people vary widely in what they really want. Our experience
was that swallowing was over-rated; the sucking and tongue action that leads
up to the cumshot is great for both of us, and so is the release of tension
when he comes; but for us swallowing is simply not necessary and is likely to
interfere. Sometimes.
Ratings for "The Truth May be Hard to Swallow"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Graham" by Ruthless (ruthless@nbnet.nb.ca). The guy has been hired by the
father to kill the young boy. The motivation is child support payments. The
father is a simple, rich asshole who would rather have the kid dead than keep
paying for his support. The murderer - a decent chap, I suppose, as
murderers go - offers to throw in the sexual torture as a means of throwing
the police off the father's trail. The kidnapper snatches the boy from his
boarding school and takes him to a secluded cabin. Some things turned out
the way I expected; some didn't.
This is NOT a sexy story - at least I did not get turned on reading it; but
it was a pretty GOOD story. It WAS repulsive, but only because the kidnapper
was a repulsive person. In fact, this is a probably a realistic description
of a complex, repulsive person who both likes and hates prepubescent boys.
Ratings for "Graham"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Rejected Again by Penthouse Magazine" by OddManOut (oddman0ut@hotmail.com).
Last issue I reviewed a similar posting by this author. This is another
satire of the letters published in that popular literary magazine co-founded
by Oliver Wendell Holmes and Emily Dickinson, where the latter published her
posthumous poem:
I'm cumming! How about you?
Are you cumming too?
That makes three of us.
Don't tell anyone.
They'll make us leave the library, you know.
How dreary to be a virgin.
How horny like a steamboat
That never stopped for sex.
The author does an excellent job of using convoluted metaphors and trite
cliches to express an improbable sexual fantasy which he supposedly wants to
pass off as a true story. Here's a sample of the peerless prose found in
this story: "Diving between her legs, I licked her clit like it was a tic-tac
caught in a vice of flesh. It wasn't long before I had Layla arching her
back and calling for her ex-boyfriend."
This story also includes one of the few really vivid descriptions of nasal
sex that I have ever read.
Ratings for "Rejected Again by Penthouse Magazine"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Women Are Stupid" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). The title sounds a bit
controversial. Let me ruin it for you: the title refers to the empirical
phenomenon that women are stupid enough to have sex with a dumb fuck like the
author without seeking appropriate rewards while they have him by the balls,
so to speak. I guess he may have a point there.
The gist of the story is that the narrator has the same first and last name
as a person whose name appears on the masthead of Playboy Magazine, and so he
passes himself off as that esteemed person. Using this as a pickup line, he
attracts women by the hundreds to his garret, and invariably they extend
sexual favors to him in order to cast themselves in the best light. This
story creatively describes two of his exploits.
This is not the best thing ever written by Mike Hunt. That honor would go to
"The O'Stikkit Inn," which was apparently written by the OTHER Mike Hunt, who
never speaks in a demeaning way about his favorite half of the population.
Ratings for "Women Are Stupid"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Teacher's Pet" by Eli the Bearded (usenet-tag@qz.little-neck.ny.us). I have
recently read a couple of stories by this author that I liked a lot better
than this one. It's not a BAD story - it just leaves unanswered too many
questions that I couldn't answer even when I went back to look for the
information. For example, the narrator mentions that she is describing a
sexual experience with her first female teacher; but why would a young girl's
first female teacher be in high school? More importantly, is the lesbian sex
described in the story exploitive or not? I had no basis for understanding
exactly what was going on. The reader is left to infer too much in this
story. I found that annoying.
Ratings for "Teacher's Pet"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character):6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"HypnoTV: Friends" by MAW (MS4EVER321@aol.com). I have noticed a couple of
stories recently with the HypnoTV label. I assume they are parodies of
various TV sitcoms and that they incorporate mind control through hypnosis
into story lines where that theme would normally be absent. In this case two
itinerant hypnotists give Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica a post-hypnotic
suggestion that will bring them back under a spell later that evening. Then
this Dynamic Duo visits the three women at Monica's apartment (where they are
watching Sleepless in Seattle), and for two hours the five take turns making
love to one another and eating each other out. When the hypnotists leave,
the other three awaken with no memory of the others having been there. They
remember what has happened among themselves, but not the involvement of
anyone else. Wow! Talk about existential angst!
Maybe my problem is that there are other stories in this series that I have
skipped that have already set up the premise, but I found it to be really
simplistic to suggest that people are likely to become sexual slaves through
just a few seconds of staring at a magic ruby or candle. Maybe readers who
are already fascinated by mind control or accept the notion of easy
hypnosis-for-sex will greatly enjoy the image of the friends from Friends
doing kinky things to one another.
Ratings for "HypnoTV: Friends"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character):8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"At the Doctor's Office" by Frank McCoy (mccoyf@millcomm.com). I am aware
that guys find it difficult to believe that the typical first visit to a
gynecologist is not viewed by most women as a sexually arousing experience.
Indeed, I have a friend whose husband is a gynecologist, and when this fact
is mentioned at reunions, another husband whom I don't know invariably grins
rakishly and says, "Now there's a line of work I'd like to get my hand into."
Let me put it this way. I understand there comes a time during the male
physical checkup when the man is asked to turn his head and cough while the
doctor grabs the patient's balls and checks for who knows what. My husband
goes through this experience every couple of years, and he has never enjoyed
it. He says he doesn't know anyone who does. Apparently at military
inductions doctors have been known to spend hours doing nothing but holding
balls while guys cough and looking up their assess for hemorrhoids or missing
parts, and neither the doctors nor the inductees get turned on. Not even
Klinger had an orgasm during his induction checkup.
What you guys have to understand is that the female gynecological experience
is essentially on a level with turning the head and coughing.
Anyway, I became apprehensive about its realism when this story began with a
nurse saying to an anxious 13-year-old, "Is this your first complete sex
checkup?" Only an alien posing as a nurse during a visit to the third rock
from the sun would utter that sentence under those circumstances.
But we'll suspend disbelief and assume that if the girl has hormones and the
doctor has a penis - well, chemistry or biology or sexology or something like
that will make magic happen in the doctor's office. So after the initial
awkwardness, this story becomes extremely realistic. For example, when Karen
gets weighed, she goes naked into the hallway, where a young boy comments on
her nudity. Of course, when the doctor examines her, he himself is
completely naked with his little soldier at rigid attention. Since Karen
seems to be shy in the presence of the naked doctor, he summons the nurse,
who also appears naked and who grabs the doctor's balls, while he turns his
head and coughs. I'm making up part of this, but the following sentence is a
verbatim description of Nurse Cindy: "The flood of brown hair cascaded down
in smooth ripples to creamy shoulders, where it split; reaching partway down
her back, and resting with just a hint of curl on a firm set of bosoms that
Michelangelo would have mortgaged his soul to sculpture." I guess this is
excusable, since this is more of a medical than an artistic story, but
sculptures with breasts in the middle of the back did not begin to appear
until long after Michelangelo, who was fairly traditional in his
interpretation of both human and angelic anatomy.
When the doctor mutters, "Virgo Intactae," Karen ignores his linguistic
ineptitude and merely responds with the customary " Oh! Ohmigod . . . OH!
Oh, don't stop!" The doctor eventually pops Karen's cherry and then
instructs her to practice regularly. Since her brother is only ten years
old, he suggests that she ask her father to help out. Some readers will find
this combination of pedophilia and incest to be distasteful; but note that
the doctor works very hard to impregnate the girl before the father, thus
minimizing the possibility of genetic abnormalities - other than, of course,
anything that the progeny might inherit from the doctor himself.
This author has written better material than this. In this story he
frequently confuses Karen and Cindy, and when the doctor is forced to eat a
box lunch the author doesn't even notice the pun. I don't think the author
spent a lot of time developing this plot.
Ratings for "At the Doctor's Office"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"memory of techno man" by Sweet Guy (edmondj@usa.net). Have you ever read
something that was so badly written that it was charming? Well, this "story"
meets half of that description.
Ratings for "memory of techno man"
Athena (technical quality): 1
Venus (plot & character): 1
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 1
"Three's Company: ... All Cats Are Gray" by Uncle Mike (Red Dragon Repost).
In this week's episode Jack rushes into the bedroom to save Janet from a
rapist, but it turns out to be her boyfriend, who departs in anger. To make
amends, Jack is required to finish what the boyfriend had begun - a sort of
surrogate coitus no-more-interruptus. Well, this event changes their
lifestyle; but since Chrissy is such a demure young lady, Jack and Janet feel
obligated to avoid scandalizing her. What Jack really wants is to boink
Janet's cute little asshole, but she won't permit that, but one day Janet and
Jack blow a fuse while they are making love and a casserole, and Jack goes to
fix it, and Chrissy comes back from someplace, and Janet goes someplace else;
and so Jack sees Chrissy's asshole in the dark and thinks it's Janet's and
starts fucking it, but then the lights come back on and Janet says, "What's
this?" and they all laugh and fuck like bunnies in heat.
Ratings for "Three's Company
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"My Dream" by Anne Bingham (anne018bi@aol.com). Most people have recurring
erotic dreams. I have described my own ad nauseam. My husband has one that
deals with finding himself naked in public places - like after he takes off
his warm-up pants for racquetball. This story describes a similar series of
erotic dreams.
The imperfect ratings for this story occur because (1) there are some minor
but annoying proofreading errors and (2) it isn't really a complete story.
However, the story has the virtue of being short and easy to read. In
addition, it is likely to remind you of your own erotic dreams.
Ratings for "My Dream"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Caitlin's Tale" by Lysander (Lysander@vnet.net). This is a historical
romance - in the loose sense of both words. Many of the events are indeed
plausible, but I'm not sure that historians would say that things really
happened quite this way. It seems to me that the author may be projecting
back into a historical context modern notions of sexual domination and
submission. However, even though I'm skeptical about some of the historical
accuracy, I liked the setting. It gave a rationale other than pure cruelty
or petulance for treating a woman like an object - after all, Caitlin was
literally Robert's slave. And her reaction of loving her tormentor became
understandable in this context.
I really don't enjoy stories about mindless sex, but I did enjoy this one.
Talk about mindless sex! In this story we have Caitlin eating the asshole
of her former best friend who has become her mistress (or maybe it was vice
versa), swallowing about a gallon of her friend's urine while eating her
pussy, fucking a whole small army of men either two or three at a time
(depending on how many orifices were available), getting an enema before a
beating and then being punished for crapping all over the place, taking it in
the pussy and then in the ass from one giant dog before giving the other dog
the blow job of its life, and being bound to a rack while getting fucked with
the hilt of a giant sword before getting really fucked by its owner and
everyone else who happened to be around. And that doesn't even include what
the master himself did to her. I don't want any of this to happen to me; and
if I were on a jury, I would recommend severe (non-sexual) punishment for
people who did this to Caitlin. So why would I enjoy this story?
One reason I enjoyed it was the historical context, which kept me constantly
aware that I was in a fantasy world. I could enjoy it without succumbing to
the feeling that I was actually recommending this kind of activity. Science
fiction sex stories have the same advantage for me. When stories are more
contemporary, I feel inclined to react to them more realistically - which
means I am inclined to dislike what is brutal or demeaning. I think a lot of
people react this way. Other people have different ways to differentiate
between reality and fantasy. (If you don't have any way to make this
distinction, you should probably find one.)
A second reason is that the author takes advantage of the historical context
to make the story interesting as well as sexy. I remember criticizing a
story called "The Tugboat" a while back for failing to integrate the sex with
the context. That story just had lots of sex for no apparent reason and with
little relation to the things that would have been unique to that
environment. Lysander avoids that mistake. We're pretty much constantly
aware of the context, and that makes the story more riveting.
While I found parts of the story to be sexually arousing, I found more parts
to be just interesting. My reaction was often, "Yeah, I guess that would be
possible." I truly believe that the author had to be laughing while he wrote
parts of this story: "I wonder if I can make them believe this!"
This tale reminded me in some ways of the first great American historical
romance, "The Last of the Mohicans." That novel was quite popular among
rich, stylish ladies in Europe, who thought it would be "romantic" to go the
American West with the "noble savages." The actual realities of the American
west were quite different from these fantasies. Mark Twain wrote a
delightful essay on "Fennimore Cooper's Literary Offenses," and it would be
possible to find even more egregious offenses in this story. But it was
still a pretty good story.
Ratings for "Caitlin's Tale"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Summer Dreams" by Lysander (lysander@vnet.net). I get more than a little
annoyed by people who say there are no good stories on a.s.s. The people
that call us all sick weirdoes I can at least understand and ignore. But no
good stories? I'm desperately trying to keep up with all the good stories on
this newsgroup. Certainly there are some weak stories here (and some genuine
garbage); but I find a.s.s. to be a good source of high quality recreational
reading for adults. This set of reviews should provide evidence of that
quality. And this story is what pushed me to make my comment.
Lysander has written several good stories; but I think this is his best. I
have previously enjoyed Lysander for his action stories; but this one is
almost poetry. He integrates the narrator's fantasies with his real life in
a unique and moving manner. Because the enjoyment arises from the unraveling
of the story, I can't tell you much about it. Just take my word for it: if
you're interested in romance with healthy doses of sex and genuine human
sentiment, this is a really good story for you. And don't be afraid to stop
and think after you read this story - and read it again.
Ratings for "Summer Dreams"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Night of the Wolves" by Lysander (lysander@vnet.net). "You'll be fine,
Judith. As long as you let your instincts guide you." The band of women
have been engaged in an orgy of dancing and sex with one another; but all
this is simply a preparation for the arrival of the wolves. The monthly
ritual consists of the women fucking with the wolves from the time of the
animals' arrival until the moon goes down.
I have never been an enthusiast of bestiality stories, but this one was
interesting - to say the least. Before I read this story I knew, of course,
that Romulus and Remus (and probably Wolfman Jack) had been raised by wolves,
and I had read "Call of the Wild," but my knowledge of wolves as potential
sexual partners was limited. Now I am much better informed.
The story is well written. The author says this is his most popular story.
However, I don't think it is his best; I think "Summer Dreams," "Grey," and
the unfinished "Droit du Signeur" are all better. Nevertheless, this is an
excellent story. While reading it, I found myself mumbling internally,
"This is silly! Why would a wolf act like that?" This is exactly what the
author wanted me to think. By the end of the story everything had fallen
into place.
Ratings for "Night of the Wolves"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Droit du Signeur" by Lysander (Lysander@vnet.net). Nice story! That was
my reaction after I read the first chapter and plunged ahead into the second.
This tale takes place in Germany during feudal times. In those days the
lord of the serfs had the right to have sexual relations with a new bride on
her wedding night. The hero and heroine in this story initially resist this
as a barbaric custom; but eventually they comply.
The posting of Chapter 8 last year represented what was then the rejuvenation
of one of my favorite long stories. In my original review of this story, I
reported being wonderfully excited at its beginning and then disappointed as
it seemed to loose its steam. Eventually, it just seemed to stop. Lysander
reports that he had written the beginning of a garden rendezvous between
Tomas and Esmerelda immediately after she leaves Kirsten and Heinrich in
Chapter 6. It was supposed to be tender and uplifting, a life-affirming act
between two people who needed each other; but it was also incredibly cloying.
Nevertheless, he stubbornly stuck with that plan from the middle of '93 until
two nights before he posted Chapter 8 in 1996. Then he took a 90-degree turn
and it practically wrote itself. The result is much darker than he had
intended, and it will be interesting to see how the story eventually fulfills
its original potential - if we ever see Chapters 9 and later.
Anyway, Lysander wrote about six chapters and then added a seventh and
eighth. The story does not yet appear to be complete. If you prefer to have
an entire story before you spend your time reading it, you may want to skip
this one. It shows great potential, but you may be frustrated by the fact
that it's not really complete - although it is closer than it has been at
some times in the past. In other words, although this is an excellent story,
you may become frustrated that it just plain doesn't end.
This story borders on greatness. At the end of the third chapter, I was
truly impressed. But then the author gets sidetracked on tales about warfare
and torture. These chapters are not bad; in fact they're good - but perhaps a
little too detailed. The problem is that the author never gets back to a
full treatment of the sex and romance. All of a sudden the story just ends,
and we are informed that Heinrich married Esmerelda (who is barren) after
miraculously rescuing her from Assan and that Kirsten will have Heinrich's
baby. There's a lot more room for development and resolution here. For
example, how will Tomas (Kirsten's husband) react to this state of affairs,
and how does Kirsten feel about her husband?
When sex occurs, it is really hot. In addition, the plot allows room for
real sexual tension and creative character development. Assume that there
really is a rule that the lord gets the bride on the wedding night and that
the bride can help her husband (who has attacked the lord) only by making the
lord as happy as possible. She expects the lord to be an asshole; but
instead he turns out to be a responsible ruler and kind lover, whose
happiness apparently arises from making her happy. How should she react?
There's an important moral and emotional angle here, which is worth
developing: should she let herself go and enjoy the pleasures she has been
offered, or should she hold back her true affection for her husband? If she
does react favorably to the lord and if she does conceive a child, how will
this affect her love for her husband? And then there's Esmerelda.... These
and many other dilemmas could make this into a story that is not only
titillating, but also just plain good literature.
The author starts with a great plot for the first few chapters - a plot that
involves real personalities - and then settles for a war story, purely
hormonal sex, and an ending that leaves us hanging. At the beginning, this
story reminded me a lot of the movie "Indecent Proposal," in which Demi
Moore's husband was offered a million dollars if he would let her sleep with
a rich guy who looked a lot like Robert Redford. But "Indecent Proposal"
maintained the moral and potential ambivalence all the way to the end of the
story. In addition, Demi Moore's sexual activity was not purely hormonal. I
hope the author of this story realizes what he has here and goes back and
turns it into the work of art it could become.
HERE'S WHAT I HOPE: I hope Lysander breaks with the a.s.s. tradition of
"improving" stories by just adding new chapters. He wrote four brilliant
chapters and then three chapters that seriously limped. Instead of just
adding eight more chapters, he should go back at some time and revise the
weak chapters. In some aspects of life it is necessary to live with our
mistakes and to correct old weaknesses by merely adding new strengths; but
this is not necessary with electronic publishing. All an author has to do is
revise an old chapter and push a button and <poof!> the bad parts of the
story are gone and the story becomes much better. The only authors on a.s.s.
whom I can think of offhand who consistently do this are Uther Pendragon,
Backrub, and the Ng Sisters. These are some of the best authors on the
newsgroup: there's a lesson in this.
The elderly among you will perhaps remember the old "Dallas" TV series. The
writers of that series wrote once themselves into a corner when they killed a
major character. Then the character came back to life the next season, and
they tried to reconcile this contradiction by saying that the death had been
only a dream. Since evening soap viewers are not as sophisticated as a.s.s.
readers, this approach worked. But on the Internet this approach is not even
necessary. It's perfectly fair to simply revise the earlier episodes - don't
kill OJ or JR or whoever in the first place. Lysander has some serious
weaknesses and contradictions in Chapters 5 through 7. If he both (1)
finishes the story and (2) gets rid of these problems, he will have written
one of the best sex stories ever.
Let me be clear about one thing: Lysander is already one of the best and most
versatile authors on a.s.s. He doesn't just repeat one plot with minor
variations; his stories range from the thrilling and even brutal to the
sentimental. I have given him high ratings for other stories. But this
story has the potential to be his very best - IF he will revise it as well as
finish it. The reason I am saying this in a public review instead of in a
private letter to the author is because numerous other writers can benefit
from the same advice. Consider revising and altering your stories to improve
them when you repost them. I advocate treating the stories like successive
versions of computer software. I eventually want to see Droit du Signeur
2.0. This strategy has worked for Bill Gates and for numerous software
developers. Believe me; it will work here too.
Ratings for "Droit du Signeur"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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